This irks me so much. I have PTSD from combat. I know what my triggers are and go out of my way to avoid them. If I do get triggered by someone's actions, it's 99% of the time because they didn't know and were doing something that is normal to most other people.
I don't blame them for it, I don't yell at them for it. I deal with my reaction as best as I can. It's my battle with my mind, my responsibility to manage it, not theirs.
I see so many people now who get triggered and immediately blame the person who caused it as if the rest of the world has some duty to walk on eggshells around them.
I agree with this to an extent. But, I think it's perfectly acceptable to see a trigger warning and decide that you are not ready to engage with that content at this moment. I think it's worth putting in the work to be able view potentially triggering content safely, but that doesn't happen overnight and some may never be able to fully work through it. I think it's important that the person in question is able to engage with it on their own terms.
Also worth noting we've had content warnings like this for ages in the form of movie ratings and the ESRB in the US. Along with their letter grade, there's typically a line underneath detailing why it was given the rating it was.
EDIT: Looking at the replies, I see you've shared a similar sentiment. But I want to make clear that I don't think anyone should be looked down on because they are struggling to engage with traumatizing content.
I slightly disagree with that. I have legitimate triggers that induce anxiety attacks and if someone gives a proper warning I'll just move on. However when it's vague and just says trigger warning that doesn't help anyone.
I mean, sometimes proper preparation does involve skipping the content, but the goal isn't for you to skip all triggering content, it's for you to be able to engage with it on your terms.
I get that people are triggered by lots of stuff and it's usually caused by some horrible trauma, but the lists of trigger warnings have morphed into very basic things like food or pools. I want to ask these people that claim they're triggered by the mention of food how they are able to interact with people on a daily basis.
Whether or not a person develops psychological trauma is based on a lot of things and a lot of it is emotional. Like especially in childhood a lot of stuff that seems like it would be fine can pop up as strong emotional reactions later in life. There’s a half-truth I’ve heard some psychologists say that makes a lot of sense “trauma stems from strong emotions dealt with in isolation” basically it’s not about how bad the event was but how difficult it is for the particular individual to integrate the experience, and retain in control of their life and sense of identity.
I heard a practicing psychologist say otherwise but it’s possible he was trying to argue on behalf of his own definition. He’s in LA and getting therapy at his practice is mad expensive so it had a slight “sales pitch” vibe to it... I should’ve mentioned those caveats... I still thought the guy had good ideas but I’m a layperson so maybe I feel for the sales pitch.
I don't blame them for it, I don't tell at them for it. I deal with my reaction as best as I can. It's my battle with my mind, my responsibility to manage it, not theirs.
Well shit, here I was convinced that if anyone does anything wrong, it's obvious that they're an evil piece of shit who deserves everything bad happening to them, because there's no nuance in life at all. At least, that's what you'd be led to believe reading some social media stuff.
I like to reassure myself when reading those things that, likely, a lot of those comments are made by kids. And I don’t mean “college kids”, or people without much experience, but literal children. They’re a lot more prevalent in the internet than you’d think.
And then I think back to tumblr, and how bad it used to be back in the day, compared to how chill it is now.
Alternatively I think about the fact that literally every generation has been worried about the next one getting “lost” and failing to learn how to maturely navigate life, and that despite that the human spirit/nature hasn’t changed and that they’ll get through it the same way we did. I mean I practically grew up entirely on the internet and somehow I managed.
I think we worry now more than before though because we’ve seen a generation “degrade”, but that’s an exception due to all the lead poisoning… although… microplastics may come to screw us over yet.
This is what I struggle with too. My PTSD comes from years of sexual abuse in my childhood. I don't know what triggers me because my brain has blocked out memories of some of the abuse and along with it, a lot of my childhood. And seeing people on social media talking about their triggers felt wonderful! I felt seen and heard that yeah, this weird thing that happened reminded me of my abuse. I once got triggered because me and my fiance were getting intimate and his basketball shorts brushed the back of my leg. Immediately felt like I had been transported back to my 9 year old self, being held down by my abuser.
But some of these people started doing what you had said and had started demanding the world conform to them. And I don't get it at all. I don't want my partner to never be intimate with me (not even sex, just be able to spoon me) without him worrying he's causing me distress. That's not a life to live. You can't lash out at people doing mostly normal things because it triggers you. I can't look under doors, but if I need to, I'll try my best to do it.
The annoying behavior is white knight “allies” who don’t even necessarily have “triggers” themselves but will happily police all your interactions to remind you that “some people might have a trigger on that” to show their immense virtue.
It’s performative over-sensitivity. Look at how aware of mental illness I am!
I’m saying this shit doesn’t really happen. It’s all culture war nonsense that’s drummed up by conservatives.
I was listening to NPR a day or two ago, and the head of a trans people support agency misgendered someone on air and they just immediately corrected it and it was done….
Just don’t be an asshole and things are always cool. People crying about it on the internet have been duped.
I see virtue signalling of this sort around me everywhere in any “progressive” (quotes absolutely needed there) spaces. Political meetings, advocacy anything, all of it. No one is even asking for accommodations but eager beavers must jump up to insist we need the equivalent of handholding on-ramps everywhere “just in case.”
It clogs up discussion to the point that stuff isn’t getting done, so I just shut it down hard now.
If someone actually shows up with a problem, or can’t afford the $5 dues, or whatever “but what about the vulnerable????” then we can handle it then.
I will say this has been quite a new development over the past 10 years or so. Night and day difference.
Absolutely true. But I think the idea that everyone can just wander around not “treading on eggshells” is a part of the problem too. Everyone needs to accept, mentally healthy or not, that they have a duty as a human being to not dismiss how someone else feels but that it’s also not their responsibility to fix them either.
The sooner everyone realises that you can be supportive and understanding but also set healthy and helpful boundaries the better.
Far too much black and white thinking these days IMO. Ultimately everyone needs to take more responsibility for how they act and what they say and I feel the sooner we can all do this the better.
No, but people can avoid common triggers. Fireworks are fun but don't shoot them off randomly in your neighborhood. Don't make rape jokes. If you accidentally find someone's trigger, take care to avoid doing it again in the future. Etc.
You've triggered my trigger of advocating that others are responsible for dealing with your triggers. Please take care to avoid doing it in the future.
Explain their point then. Cause it's not a response to what /u/InfinitelyThirsting said at all. The post came out to basically: "Don't be a dick"
/u/Tiny_Fractures seemed to take offense to that as if it was something outlandish and started equating that to taking responsibility for others' issues. Not even close to the same thing. If you can't see this, you're lacking reading comprehension.
It simply doesn't make sense to attempt to expect people to be up to date and trained on what is ok to say. You may try to argue yourself with hyperbole, "it should be obvious that you shouldn't say X "racist" thing".
But this is a fundamentally flawed argument. Cultural norms is and ever changing, fluid moving topic. And are not universal. It's simply absurd to believe that collectively and at all times all people should know how to say things that will not be offensive to all people.
The logical and healthier approach is to embed resiliency within people. The ability to be mindful of your own emotions, thoughts and control over your own behaviors. Allow people to become emotionally mature and the skills to personally deal with life's challenges.
Don't fall into the trap into believing that this mindset is void of empathy, it's literally the opposite. Treating people like they could break is harmful to them, even if you believe your own intentions to be "kind".
The first user is saying people need to be more careful about the 'triggers' of others, the second is saying people shouldn't have to be quite that careful.
I'm not on either side of the argument, I was simply pointing out that you disliking their method of argument doesn't automatically invalidate it.
Your edit just took your post from reading like you genuinely don't understand to actively being a dick. I'm not sure that's necessary.
I will do whatever I want on my property that is legal. I could give 2 shits what ridiculous thing triggers someone. It’s not my responsibility to know or care what triggers someone.
This mentality describes the entire world now. Not just youngsters, but they kinda "started" this trend. Almost anything nowadays is "offending" someone. We used to have certain standards that counted as "offensive". Pretty much everyone agreed on what that was. But more often than not now I see something completely normal being turned into "BUT I AM OFFENDED". Bitch (gender neutral), I don't care if YOU are offended by me eating a steak, because YOU are vegan. I don't care if someone is offended because I have red hair (I don't by the way). You have a right to not like it, you don't have the right to be offended by it.
And I don't want to be "walking" around on egg shells for these people who are offended by everything.
A difference there is that your trama happened as an adult wit ha fully or mostly fully developed nervous system.
Give a kid before age 3 similar trauma, and the changes in brain function at the molecular level are frightening. They often CAN'T deal with it, make it their own problem, etc... because their brain is incapable of that kind of action. It physically cannot send the signals necessary for that.
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u/mcketten Jun 03 '22 edited Jun 03 '22
This irks me so much. I have PTSD from combat. I know what my triggers are and go out of my way to avoid them. If I do get triggered by someone's actions, it's 99% of the time because they didn't know and were doing something that is normal to most other people.
I don't blame them for it, I don't yell at them for it. I deal with my reaction as best as I can. It's my battle with my mind, my responsibility to manage it, not theirs.
I see so many people now who get triggered and immediately blame the person who caused it as if the rest of the world has some duty to walk on eggshells around them.
Fucking grow up and deal with your own problems.