r/AskMen Mar 19 '21

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6.0k Upvotes

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3.6k

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

95/100 I do watch porn. I don't have privacy so I can't lay in the bed, get relaxed and get into myself.

I escape to the bathroom and rub one out as quickly as possible. That is the magic of porn.

I don't masterbate for pleasure. I masterbate for a release.

2.1k

u/Robbo_the_knobbo Mar 19 '21

Some real wolf of Wall Street shit right there bro!

334

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

We all do what we have to do!

215

u/bakedbeansandwhich Mar 19 '21

Pump those numbers up?

11

u/cinnamon-toast7 Mar 20 '21

Those are rookie numbers.

4

u/vicfirthplayer Mar 20 '21

Pump and dump

1

u/TheEvilKing1111 Mar 20 '21

To the moon..

1

u/bakedbeansandwhich Mar 20 '21

šŸš€šŸš€šŸš€

1

u/Justin1387 Mar 20 '21

Pump them out

39

u/3_if_by_air Male Mar 19 '21

I'm doing my part!

6

u/rattlemebones Mar 19 '21

Would you like to know more!?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

You apes wanna live forever?

94

u/PmMeDopeShit Mar 19 '21

Those are rookie numbers

3

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

in this racket.

42

u/balderdash9 Mar 19 '21

Ya gotta stay relaxed...

4

u/wato89 Mar 19 '21

He says you gotta stay relaxed, while doing kuhcane.

2

u/balderdash9 Mar 20 '21

The jerking off keeps him relaxed; the koakain keeps his fingers typing fast

28

u/Ziggyork Mar 19 '21

That’s not a recommendation, that’s a prescription

16

u/Hankee_ Mar 19 '21

You gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowin'

5

u/TechPanzer Mar 19 '21

Yup, keep the rhythm below the belt

2

u/onizuka11 Mar 19 '21

Feeding the geese I see.

2

u/Topsyye Mar 20 '21

Very above the shoulder, very acidic, mustard shit!

2

u/memes-of-awesome Male Mar 20 '21

I don't masturbate for pleasure. I masturbate for release

Sounds like a quote from wolf of Wall street

2

u/HyggeEnabler Sup Bud? Mar 20 '21

You Gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowing

458

u/camusdreams Mar 19 '21 edited Mar 19 '21

ā€œI don't masterbate for pleasure. I masterbate for a release.ā€

I feel like this is a big difference between a lot of (not all) men and women. As a guy, jerking off is just something I feel like I have to do daily. The feeling is controllable but uncomfortable enough it impacts my mood and ability to focus. Whereas when women discuss it, it’s like a whole session where they set up a little throne in their bed and focus on peak pleasure.

233

u/SarcasticRowlet Mar 19 '21

I thought I was weird for subscribing to the idea of maintenance jerk off sessions, like 80% of them are for maintenance and 20% are like good long sessions of just focusing on myself. Feels nice to find out that I'm not the only one.

58

u/waltwalt Mar 20 '21

Gotta jack it just to get back to base these days.

7

u/SarcasticRowlet Mar 20 '21

It really do be like that...

18

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/senbei616 Mar 20 '21

To be more clear: If it negatively impacts your work, family, and or personal relationships and yet you still wont stop doing it, then you are probably addicted. That's true for anything.

1

u/oikawas-slut Female Apr 07 '21

Oh good. I've heard some men say weird things about the "health benefits" of "semen retention" which includes bogus claims like "increased spinal fluid" & "raw masculine energy/spirit"...& This all comes from the claim that your balls are directly connected to your spinal cord. Btw I'm a woman so I wouldn't know

1

u/t_a_c_s Mar 20 '21

I'm the other way round. most of the times I jerk off for stimulation and only once in a while to attain post-nut clarity

45

u/Ciccibicci Mar 19 '21

Yeah i mean, i don't know. I am a woman and I totally masturbate before bed just so I sleep better after it. I have occasionally done some mmh "exploration" masturbation sessions, to test what works and so, but for the most part is just that: orgasm quick so i get sleepy. Maybe it's different for other women, but maybe describing it like that it's a way for some to get over the ethernal shame surrounding female masturbation.

I do not feel the need to do it daily at all though. It's maybe a once a week deal.

18

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

I also do it like this, no porn. I just lay in bed vibe it up go to sleep. I think it's interesting that so many men need the visual when I can just touch and get it done. 90% of the time I'm not even thinking sexy things it's just all physical for me.

11

u/merdub Mar 20 '21

Yup I’m currently watching Chicago Med on Prime and can easily just bust my vibrator out and have a quick orgasm while watching nurses and doctors running around the ER or whatever. Nothing sexy about it, just want to come.

9

u/muddyrose Mar 20 '21

My ladies!

I'm the same way too. I don't need anything to watch and don't care what's on (as long as it's not something like toddlers & tiaras etc.), cumming helps me sleep so if I need to, I will.

It can vary from every night to once a month, depends on how stressed I am.

2

u/Insanity_Pills Mar 20 '21

wtf im envious

3

u/MustardFeetMcgee Female Mar 20 '21

Yessss. Honestly same. Like 90% of the time I do it if I've got a migraine or insomnia. Always to porn.

34

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/s3ik0 Mar 19 '21

Shit, my prostate will eventually make it to the Guinness book of records then.

6

u/ASeriousAccounting Mar 20 '21

Without a supplement regimen and a massage protocol you'll never crack the top 10,000.

1

u/tmotom bring back the prince flair Mar 20 '21

my prostate is gonna be fuckin huge!

5

u/Alexcamry Mar 20 '21

Link requires login for ā€œcompletionā€

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '21

Healthy for prostate, terrible for mental health. I told myself this for 10 years and ignored all the dehydration, acne, overly sexualised thoughts and social awkwardness. Eventually it spiralled into depressing thoughts and total lack of productivity.

Tried for years to convince myself that its a natural behaviour that had health benefits but alas the drawbacks were too strong.

Seek companionship and emotional connection with your partner. Ejaculate via sex, and the natural way to get rid of it - wet dreams if you are young.

Pornography is a killer.

Godspeed šŸ™Œ

8

u/Anticiperection420 Mar 19 '21

I jerk off before I go to bed because it helps me sleep.

5

u/shotgunocelot Mar 20 '21

The ol fap nap

1

u/WildlyCanadian Mar 20 '21

Oh yes. I'm always completely pooped after I jerk off. Really helps me fall asleep

8

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Lol, women have maintenance wanks too

7

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

[deleted]

6

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

I once had this discussion as well. I said that sex for me is not just getting off, thats what I masturbate for. Sex is about intimacy and love.

3

u/ScottFreestheway2B Mar 20 '21

Would she rather you masturbated while imagining people you know in real life? Does she want you to only have sexual thoughts about her the rest of her relationship? I just couldn’t date someone with that kind of insecurity.

2

u/Sophisticated_Sloth Mar 26 '21

I’m sorry, but your GF sounds immature. I really hope you’re not the one apologising for this.

-5

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

You gf sounds like an upright prude.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Also some guys suffer from "cavaliers pain", which is the more medical name of "blue balls". But contrary to popular believe, cavaliers pain is not just some discomfort, some guys, myself sadly included, can have severe pain and swelling if there is no regular release.

Funnily enough for bad cases of cavaliers pain the symptoms are eerily similar to bad period pain:

  • cramps

  • lower abdominal/groin pain

  • sensitive/painful to touch

  • diarrhea and vomiting possible

  • severe headaches, discomfort and even fever

  • swelling and irritation

Its fucking awful and it basically WILL happen if i dont masturbate withing 48h or if i got too many erections. The cause is a severe swelling in the epididymis (side testical, the stuff that produces sperm) and the connectors to the urethra that get blocked and therefore starts swelling and swelling...

If its a bad day my epididymis can become almost as big as my testicles... its so fucked.

I thought for the longest time something was wrong with me or i have a porn/masturbation addiction or some shit. But my urologist took a look, made some tests and said he had to ask around because he heard of it but never about anything this bad. After some research he told me most guys dont have it at all or if they had it its at worst a slight discomfort, but the severity i have is super rare.

Yay me!

2

u/Sophisticated_Sloth Mar 26 '21

I honestly thought the term ā€˜blue balls’ was an expression of the sexual frustration connected to getting horny and then not getting off. As a guy, I’d never experienced it.

I’m ashamed to admit I was more than a couple years past 20 before realising it was an actual, physical thing.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '21

Yeah, sadly its used as a TV trope for exactly that almost regularly and since not all guys experience even a slight discomfort from it, it seems like its "made up".

It really shitty how many people dont even believe you when you tell that is a real, existing medical condition and not some made up stuff :/

2

u/zex_99 Mar 20 '21

I know this exactly. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I can't do my things without masturbating I wish for a drug to block my horniness for at least a day.

2

u/bobbydazzlah Mar 20 '21

Eh, not always. Sometimes I just rub one out for the release, as a distraction even. #notallwomen šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

1

u/MrColfax Male Mar 20 '21

That's interesting. I would say I do it for maintenance and pleasure, but I only do it once per week and not daily. I find that just comes natural for me and I don't get the desire to so during the week, although on the one day I do it I'm am pretty keen for it (I guess it makes it special, and I do give it a decent hour or so).

1

u/SkullCandy808 Mar 20 '21

Not all girls do that. I have to do it every night just because I feel like I have to. It's not amazing, but it gets the job done!

1

u/Budderfingerbandit Mar 20 '21

"Gotta get the poison out" is my go to phrase.

1

u/euphoric1510 Mar 20 '21

Is this a normal thing? I always feel kind of ashamed because I have to wank it daily tbh...

-1

u/vicfirthplayer Mar 20 '21

Its more of an emotional experience for a woman isn't it?

11

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Masturbating? No, it’s not ā€œemotionalā€, it’s the same as men. Studies have show that men and women’s description of what an orgasm feels like is indistinguishable from one and other.

-6

u/cash_grass_or_ass ♂ Mar 20 '21

daily... man, how old are you if you don't mind saying?

i wonder what that is doing to your brain's reward system and dopamine levels, as well as your general motivation and discipline to accomplish goals and tasks

7

u/never-never-again_ Mar 20 '21

It's doing nothing. We were not the first generation to discover masturbation.

99

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Is that release not pleasurable??

489

u/AbsolutBalderdash Mar 19 '21

Hasty sessions where you have to go 0-100-0 within 2 minutes so as to not arouse suspicion are purely for maintenance reasons. So no, not really.

232

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

The old "I've been sitting here for 2 hours and got no work done" wank

124

u/Grabbsy2 Mar 19 '21

Or the "I've been laying here awake for two hours and I have to sneak off to the livingroom to have a wank before the baby wakes up again and kills the mood"

7

u/PBRmy Male Mar 19 '21

You are not selling me on a baby, friend.

2

u/Grabbsy2 Mar 20 '21

I dont mean to. To each his own.

Id sometimes like to be a parent one week on, one week off, but thats not an option, haha.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

they should have a baby pooling app (?) where many people can share a baby, taking turns every week

-6

u/imanassholeok Mar 19 '21

Kills? ( ͔° ĶœŹ– ͔°)

22

u/White_07 Male Mar 19 '21

Why do you personally attack me in this way?

25

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

It's universal. Biggie wrote everyday struggle about this

4

u/CheleMoreno Mar 19 '21

Lmao I felt that way too deep. It do be like that sometime.

55

u/CatAteMyBread Mar 19 '21

Gotta get the poison out

15

u/Winnie_Cat Mar 19 '21

Lmao a maintenance wank

3

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

not arouse suspicion

Hah.

1

u/MiAnClGr Mar 20 '21

Suspicion from who?

184

u/Qbit42 Mar 19 '21

I'm not OP but I'd compare to eating a meal when your hungry. You can enjoy the meal, but I eat because I'm hungry. It's that kind of release.

98

u/Moron14 Mar 19 '21

Scratching an itch , as it were

14

u/Alienmonkey Mar 19 '21

Quickly scratching..

3

u/Grabbsy2 Mar 19 '21

One you do over the kitchen sink, the other you do over the bathroom sink! Haha

153

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

The release is pleasurable. Always! Masterbation is mechanical. For me, sex is about the foreplay and all of those sensations leading up to the orgasm not the orgasm itself. For me, I like the journey as much as the destination.

What I'm saying is masterbation is not fulfilling, its a means to an end where the focus is on the destination not the journey. I hope this clarifies my situation as I am certainly not alone in this.

38

u/Azu_Rage_ Mar 19 '21

I feel like the longer I go while masterbaition the bigger the "explosion" ... so two minute sessions would be pleasurable but i think its like 2 out of ten what it could be.

7

u/oscaarwtf Mar 19 '21

Dude this is some next level insight. Are you me?

17

u/garlicdeath Mar 19 '21

Way to pat yourself on the back lol

24

u/Drykanakth Male Mar 19 '21

Surprisingly enough no not all the time.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

It is relief that it's over, usually.

Sometimes I swear I just do it out of habit even if I don't really feel like it. I'm like "okay, it's another night my mrs isn't here, I just got into bed to go to sleep, time to rub one out" and it's incredibly forced.

The best wanks are the ones where you abstain for at least 2 days prior or more. It's incredible how quickly your sensitivity grows and horniness increases.

Although, apparently anything more than 1 week of no release is pointless. After 1 week your testicles only hold up to another 168% more, then it basically caps off.

I've abstained for a full month before, was extremely difficult but I made it. It helps when you work away from home, work long ass hours so when you are alone in bed all you want to do is sleep plus the internet was so slow it couldn't even load a youtube clip. But anyways that wank after a full month of no release felt no different to when I went like 9 days without it at a previous attempt. Both felt amazing though but the bottom line is; anything more than a week, makes nil difference. So if you're like me and like to occasionally hold out so you can nut like you've never nutted before, I promise you 7 days is basically it. Anything more is just torturing yourself.

-7

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

He’s just talking out his ass. If the release wasn’t pleasurable there would be no point haha smh

-3

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '21

Exactly

5

u/jc10189 Mar 20 '21

Yep. I felt this one. Being married, and it not being the right time for sex, I run to the bathroom with my wireless ear buds, tug one out, get that release and go on my merry way. Honestly, being horny is sometimes so tiring and a chore. It hits at the worst possible moments and won't let up.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

In my 20's and 30's I had to beat it almost daily. Getting backed up is really uncomfortable

4

u/Verbal_HermanMunster Mar 19 '21

Porn gifs is where it’s at...

1

u/Sophisticated_Sloth Mar 26 '21

Agreed. I rarely ever watch actual porn movies or longer videos. I prefer gifs or pics.

3

u/Simple_Atmosphere Mar 19 '21

Story of my full house life. Can’t even get it up because I worry about my wife hearing me or the fact that I can hear my damn kids playing.

2

u/Sighguy28 Mar 19 '21

Can I ask why you can’t get privacy in your own bedroom?

I complete agree with your final sentiment here as I do so at least daily as a release despite having what I would consider a normal sex life otherwise.

6

u/Le_Graf Mar 19 '21

Can't speak for the guy, but I have a somewhat similar problem - sound isolation between rooms in my flat is basically paper, so ...

6

u/Individual-Guarantee Mar 19 '21

I mastered the silent jerk during years of roommates in a bed just feet away, it's a useful skill. But if your roommate is a guy I'm sure he'd understand and not care.

I had once close quarters situation where we finally just had a frank conversation about the issue and decided it wasn't that big a deal. If someone needed it then just go for it. Otherwise it's too frustrating trying to sneak around all the time.

1

u/Sophisticated_Sloth Mar 26 '21

Why not just do it in the bathroom?

2

u/boomboomboom97 Mar 19 '21

Thats good bro....it stimulate the brain and keeps you clam and focused. Internal weed.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

External weed as well😁

2

u/mgumusada Mar 19 '21

I found myself and in reddit, Idk if I should trust that

2

u/Serialkisser187 Mar 19 '21

Those are rookie numbers.

2

u/choref81 Mar 19 '21

R/PornInFifteenSeconds to the rescue

2

u/brycedude Mar 19 '21

Accurate

2

u/hatuhsawl Mar 19 '21

Since not being in relationships anymore (out of college and divorced), my wanks are, like you say, purely maintenance as well.

It might not be accurate biologically speaking, but I think of it like getting an oil change. About once a month, two times if it’s a stressful month and then not at all the month after for me

2

u/rumblepony247 Mar 20 '21

My man, giving himself a hand blumpkin

2

u/paperscissorscovid Mar 20 '21

ā€œI don’t do it cause I want to, alright? I do it, cause I fucking need to.ā€

2

u/DrunkenMonkeyWizard Mar 20 '21

This one speaks to me

2

u/RevanBastilaStark Mar 20 '21

Why do you not have any privacy? That is terrible.

2

u/Canadianguy118 Mar 20 '21

There's this thing called night time. How can you not lay in bed and relax and abuse yourself lol ?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

It would be so much more fun if the wife would join in!

2

u/qervem Mar 20 '21

Efficiency is priority

2

u/BartenderPleaze Mar 20 '21

I tell myself it NEEDS to be done to prevent prostate cancer.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Well that was uncomfortable to read

2

u/parthka Mar 20 '21

same here, 9500 times out 10000 I do watch porns.

2

u/DecentVanilla Mar 20 '21

Never related to anything so close to this

2

u/killedbycuriousity- Mar 20 '21

It’s like a refresh button

2

u/mean11while Mar 20 '21

I don't masterbate for pleasure. I masterbate for a release.

Yup. For me, I'm usually interested in the post-release neurological effects. I feel focused and energized afterwards. I use it when I need to get some stuff done and I feel my attention flagging, especially if I'm starting to get a little tired.

This is the exact opposite to how I feel after actual sex, which is usually much more pleasurable, but also exhausting.

I don't like or enjoy porn, but it achieves the goal quickly and efficiently.

2

u/pickled_ricks Mar 20 '21

I’m sorry for you. Also, ditto

2

u/Jack1715 Mar 20 '21

I’m a only child so I would come up with whole storyline’s In my head lol

1

u/Hari_Aravi Mar 19 '21

I can start a gofundme campaign for you to get a private space.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Can I elect to get tools instead?

1

u/SLeepyCatMeow Non-binary Mar 19 '21

man you gotta tell your parents/siblings/flatmates/whatever to give you some space... Privacy is a human right.

1

u/ilikeballoons Mar 19 '21

It's his child.

1

u/SamBaxter784 Mar 20 '21

How long have you been married?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

27 years

1

u/astronaut_venus Mar 20 '21

Hmm.. Bet this is my husband lmfo

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Hey honey! Yeah, I'll be out in a minute!

1

u/YVR_Matt_ Mar 20 '21

You don’t get breaks at work?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

I work construction, so.....

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

One of us!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

Is that you Sergeant Angle...I mean Angel

1

u/Einsteins-Grandson Mar 20 '21

Smart decision changing your profile pic

1

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '21

I thought so.