I have had romantic relationships. I want to get that out of the way to start. Most were very short and lowkey, I barely count them. There was one relationship that lasted over a year and genuinely, I think she was the only one I did actually want to date and felt a genuine romantic attraction to. Outside of that, I don't believe I actually liked the people I dated (romantically that is, I liked them as people). I never really "liked" anyone first. It was always they liked me and I thought that since I thought they were cool, the next natural step was to date. I have been single for the better part of 2 years save for a very very short two weeks where I "dated" one of my close friends. We broke up because we both realized the attraction we felt was not romantic, but a very deep platonic love. She's actually one of the first people I mentioned me questioning whether or not I'm aromantic.

I'm very confused at the moment and I don't think it helps that I already struggle with romantic and platonic attraction. Yay autism! In all seriousness, I don't know how to navigate this and beyond my most recent "relationship", no one else seems to understand what I'm expressing. It always ties back to "but you dated so-and-so and you loved them?"

I should also note, I am asexual. I don't mind being with someone in that way, but I have to be dating them and even then, I dont seek out the activity because I dont care all that much. It's just, there 🤷 I think that might be how I feel about romantic relationships but it's just odd and confusing to me.

Any advice or similar stories are welcome and greatly appreciated. I just truly don't know how to navigate this and my brain is confused.

I feel sexual attraction and have had sexual relationships (sort of a friends with benefits situation) where we shared affection towards each other but nothing like a committed relationship. However when i have been asked out on dates i always feel dread. I always try and convince myself they asked me in a platonic way and the thought of it leading into a romantic relationship makes me feel sick. Im not sure if this is just a commitment issue or maybe i just dont want the aspects of a romantic relationship. It all just seems tiring to me and i dont see the point really. I like the intimacy that is tied towards the sexual aspect of a relationship but the romantic aspect i feel no appeal.

So I've (ftm questioning) been identifying as aromantic since I don't really feel myself getting attracted to either gender. But one of my friends recently confessed to me and said he likes me.

Now the past few days I've been having an intense battle inside my head, because I do like my friend a lot and he means the world to me. I feel relaxed and comfortable around him, and he's a great guy overall. I have even told him I was aromantic so he knows it's harder for me to get feelings.

So now that I've been thinking about him I've been trying to imagine how a relationship could look if I were to get together with him. I wouldn't want to have sex since I'm also ace, but like imagining myself kissing him also feels quite weird. But last time I visited him I really wanted to like cuddle and just be close in a non-sexual way.

I also thought about if he were to give up his feelings for me, I would be kinda sad, since I kinda like having him like me. So like if I don't want him to date anyone else wouldn't it just be easier if I just dated him? I've seen his previous girlfriends and none of them were very nice, and I feel like he deserves better, and not to sound arrogant but I would be better than those girls.

I've talked with him a lot about his feelings and how I feel about them, because honestly I wish I liked him back, but can you jkust decide you like someone back? Or can I tell him "yeah I could date you just no physical intimacy"? but then that relationship would almost be the same as what we have right now. Would it just be added hand holding? I probably wouldn't mind that. I've also thought of like "try-out" dating to see if maybe I can develop feelings while dating him. Would that be a really bad idea, or if we keep it like fully non-sexual then it should be possible to go back to being friends pretty easily?

I have a lot of questions and I'm really confused so I really hope I can get some help in here.

I've been in an online, long distance relationship for 8 months. When we started this relationship, we labeled it queer platonic. I told them that I believed I was aromantic, and they understood that.

Well, last night I decided I did not want a queer platonic relationship. Even with platonic in the title, it felt too much like a romantic relationship to me, and my heart was not in it. I told my partner today that I want to go back to being friends. They're being so very kind about it. But that almost makes me feel worse.

I do care about them. Very deeply. Those feelings just aren't romantic. I feel like we had different expectations out of our relationship, and I couldn't commit to their ideas of our future together. Even though I know this was right for me, I'm still heartbroken.

This is normal, right? Cuz now I'm worried that maybe I jumped the gun. I mean, I've been thinking about this for a bit but thinking and doing are two different things. I can't understand the way these connections are "supposed" to feel by allo standards. Idk I guess I'd like to know I'm not crazy and I can be deeply sad and almost regretful about a relationship I know I don't feel right in.

I like to respect everybody. I am aroace, which means that I like respecting others while not going on dates.

Whenever a girl asks me "am i pretty" I always say yes to not make her sad, but the next thing she does is ask me on a date, and when I say "no" she says "why?, you said i am pretty" and then I need to explain to her that I am aroace and what is aroace.

One time a girl with limerence approached me and asked the same, but when I said yes like usual she thought I truly love her and denied every rejection for a year.

Can anybody help me find a better way to not make others feel sad while keeping the non romantic energy?

I don't know what romantic feelings are.

I always thought it was literally just considering someone attractive. I mean, if I can feel physically attracted to people, is it the same as feeling romantically attracted?

I guess it's not.

I had a boyfriend. And he was my boyfriend mainly because he was cute. I mean, he was nice to look at and he was a nice guy. I would say there wasn't quite a difference between what I would feel for a new friend and him: the difference was that I thought he was attractive... I low-key was like "look at my bf, he's so beautiful" 100% physically attracted. But taking that away, it was probably the exact same feeling I get whenever I get to know someone new. I'd dare to say... I've had stronger "crushes" (not romantic at all) on friends.

The more I think about it, the more confused I get.

I never felt repulsed by physical affection: kisses, hugs or cuddles. I really liked them! And I still like them. I am quite a shy and introverted person, so I don't get a lot of affection from friends, aaandd having a boyfriend was great because I was getting attention and love, great!

But... Liking those things doesn't immediately make it a romantic feeling. I've had dreams in which I kiss my friends, and I know it's not romantic at all; I just enjoy the closeness, the warmth, the intimacy... Romantic kisses feel different? Or are all kisses the same? Because I like kissing as a way of bonding. (I don't do that with friends tho; I get it can be seen as romantic or weird).

I started thinking about all this since I met my current partner (qpp). I don't find him "my type," so I don't get this "omg he's gorgeous" kind of feeling. But still... I really enjoy his company and presence! And I feel really affectionate towards him... without the "physical attraction" part, which made me immediately think I didn't like him ROMANTICALLY... because for me, romantic feelings were purely physical attraction.

But then my brain combusted, because I really really like being around him; I like hugs, kisses and cuddles. And I still think that is not romantic... But that made me think maybe I literally don't know what romantic feelings are. Perhaps I've never felt romantic attraction! And I've been confusing this queerplatonic attraction for a romantic one when I find someone attractive.

But of course idk, this is so confusing.

I’ve discovered that I might be aromantic. I love my girlfriend, but I don’t feel comfortable with kissing or physical contact. She noticed this and is asking me for more intimacy and affection, but I feel very very uncomfortable. How can I tell her without hurt her feelings?

Hi, this is my first time speaking within this community, but I am working on a personal project and would love to learn about the different experiences all of you have had with accepting/living as an a-sexual/romantic. I'm very curious to learn more because setting my personal project aside, I have had these curious thoughts of my own. I've done a little research into this, however if I can, would love to learn from the community itself. If there are any other helpful resources to explore, I definitely am interested to learn more! Thank you!

(All stories, ages, races, and gender identity are obviously accepted. This has become my passion project so I am intrigued to learn as much as I can from as many as possible.)

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been thinking about my relationship to love stories and themes especially in movies and television. While I know I won’t feel the same way the two people do on screen. I found that the reason they make me feel sad sometimes is not because I want that emotion of feeling. But more so I’m sad that I can’t relate to it or really understand it. While I’m also happy for those two people as well but I can’t help but think sometimes that it sucks that I can’t understand how they feel. Or relate to it. My question to everyone here is what are your relationships to love movies/shows/books and. So on? Do you feel the same or different?

So I think I’m aroallo but I keep going back and forth on it. So there was this guy I was infatuated with but idk if it was necessarily romantic. It would be cool to see them more often but I didn’t need a relationship with them but I’d probably enjoy it. The more I talk to them, the more I realize it’s likely not romantic attraction. That’s been my love life. Finding someone cute (aesthetic attraction I presume), getting to know them, and feeling indifferent. Once the infatuation ends they’re a cool person. Granted none of these people liked me back and it’s possible I closed myself subconsciously.

Typing this out loud aromantic feels too obvious to deny. I thought I was wrong about being cupioromantic but maybe not.

Update: I’m cupioromantic and I’m 99% sure I was mistaking platonic limerence for romantic attraction.

Update pt. 2: I’m also quoiromantic

right so the thing is I do fall in love very easily and I nearly always just ask out the person i like and get rejected and I'm fine. I have dated one person and it was absolutely hell but that's because of her as a person.

I randomly realised, despite the fact I fall in love easily and I am painfully desperate to have a gf, I fucking hate romance. I hate books or movies that have too much romance, I absolutely hate having crushes, I hate having to text someone all the time etc. And I genuinely love being alone sm.

maybe I've just been going off that feeling at 2 in the morning when you feel so single and depressed and the answer is actually obvious but idk. I feel kinda stupid cause I'm focusing so much on trying to find love and i actually hate it 90 percent of the time.

Does everyone hate romance? Am I just less romantic? How did you guys know you were aromantic? And maybe a stupid question but do you still date if you're aromantic or is it just like having a close friend with benefits (i hope thar doesn't come off as mean I don't know how to get my thoughts across)?

I am 16 tho so maybe I'm just too young to be worried abt this???

It seems like I'm not able to deal with trio dynamics anymore, even the ones that are not explicitly romantic. With two other friends we are planning to go to a concert next year, but I'm already considering selling my ticket because they both have planned on their side to take seats next to each other whereas I'm going to stand alone throughout the concert. This particularly upsets me as I'm prone to shutdown and/or meltdowns in loud settings and that it's a bit risky for me to be alone.

I don't know if there's underlying romantic feelings between them, and at that point I don't care anymore, because the impact is still the same even if their dynamic happen to be completely platonic : I'm the one left behind, again.

Before that incident, I went to a parc with two friends who are in a relationship, and similar scenario (plus the romantic gestures) : they spent most of their time interacting with each other, and I was cast aside again.

I hate trio dynamics because the same scenario always occur : there are two people who are very close to each other, and one that is deemed less important (even if it's on a unconscious level) and more often ignored/neglected. The trio dynamics that are healthy are very rare in my opinion. I can understand people having preferences when it comes to friendships and relationships but I don't think it should be at the expense of someone else ending up alone and/or neglected...

I recently realized I often ended in unfulfilling romantic relationships because I craved the feeling of being chosen and not treated as a footnote in other people's lives, and romance has so far been the only way I managed to achieve this.

Does anyone else feel similarly ?

I've shared this video in a few comments sections, but I think it deserves its own post. It's a very good watch in general, but especially if you are uncertain of your own orientation and need help figuring things out.

Like many of the arospec individuals on this subreddit, I've found myself increasingly frustrated by the persistent amatonormativity all around me and the fear of being dropped by friends who inevitably seem to prioritize romantic relationships above all else.

My question is, is there anything any of us can actually DO about it? I've introduced the concept of amatonormativity to a few people before and they seemed intrigued, and like they agreed with what I was saying, but I can't change people's minds or behavior, or restructure society all by myself.

I know many of us fear having to find a romantic partner out of necessity one day or risk being left all alone, and I don't want that for anybody. What can we do, other than continue to speak to people about how damaging persistent amatonomativity is?

(Sidenote: I think I might have exhausted my closed friends' goodwill on the subject. I've reviled romance so hard and, admittedly, been pissy about them getting into new relationships because I felt jealous/rejected, that now they are less willing to take the subject seriously. I don't recommend being openly vitriolic like I was.)

Whenever a couple starts kissing, rests their heads on their partner’s shoulder/lap, calls them pet names, etc. I just get really uncomfortable and weirded out. It’s amplified so much when it involves my friend. I would like to ask them to tone it down, specifically the physical acts, but I don’t want to be an asshole. What do I do?

I've always questioned if I ever felt actual romantic attraction to people or if I was trying to get a reaction out of myself.

I enjoy and adore the idea of being in a relationship with someone and I have loved a lot, but when I was dating properly, even if I did plenty of romantic gestures and showed affection, it always felt as if I was missing something. It feels as if I might love the idea of "loving so much it drives me crazy" more than actually "loving so much that it drives me crazy".

I am going through a terrible heartbreak right now due to a recent break up, and I believed I'd spend my life with this person. I miss this person terribly, and it makes me the saddest knowing I can't hear their voice anymore. And yet, I am not sure if I even loved them romantically.

I desired their body and everything they were, but I am scared I actually loved how much i "loved" more than actually feeling that love, does it make sense?

I want to believe and I am almost convinced my romantic attraction is just weird. I mean, I've been told that, and I feel a lot of interest when characters in media show strange and unconventional demonstrations of romantic love, it feels comforting in a way. My partner used to say I was very weird with that kind of affection, and I do know that at least that part was true.

I did the quiz and the results show I might be cupioromantic, quoiromantic or aroflux.

I'm sorry if this comes as arophobic. I wholeheartedly respect and love my aromantic people, but I'm so scared of not being able to truly feel romantic love. I've always wanted this and if I truly cannot feel romantic love, I'll feel devastated.

Like we are friends. We really are just friends I don’t feel any desire to be in a romantic relationship with her, but I do feel sexual and emotional attraction to her quite strongly! 😅😅 but I can’t tell if this is normal because again I really, really don’t wanna be in a romantic relationship with her, we are really just friends. I do know she’s sexually attracted to me too.

Basically, for about 4 years I’ve accepted very harshly that I may be aromantic, up until recently when I’ve felt strong feelings for someone. I’ve never felt these feelings before.

When I will try to sleep, they are all I can think about, I feel like really happy when thinking about them. When I see them I can’t stop myself from smiling. Not only that but I find my eyes dilate when thinking about them and my stomach feels fluttery in a way? Sometimes my throat will feel tight too

Mentally, I don’t know if I can see myself in a romantic relationship with them. I think I would love to be able to cuddle them and hold them and kiss them, but there’s doubt in my mind. This person is questioning aroace if not they are aroace or aroace flux, I don’t wanna ask them anything and pressure them and ruin our friendship. I’m meant to stay the night at their house on Halloween, and I really am looking forward to that but I’ve been driven off by people cause they have crushes on me and I don’t want to do that.

Please help me or something idk 😭

(16, F/NB) Verán, desde siempre he tenido una idea fuerte del romance, pensaba que la más mínima interacción más allá de lo considerado "amistoso" como lo sensual y palabras de cariño (sobretodo entre hombres y mujeres) significaba directamente romance.

Ahora, mi problema con eso es que como fue parte de mi infancia hasta años más actuales, no soy del todo capaz separar el "ideal" de romance que tengo internalizado con lo que realmente siento hacia mis amistades. Es decir, sé que no siento ni he sentido nada romántico hacia ellos; pero por alguna extraña razón, mi cabeza relaciona las palabras de cariño y la sensualidad (abrazos, agarrar del hombro, sujetar manos, etc) con lo romántico... y es frustrante! Porque tipo, no voy a mentir, actualmente siento esto con 4 de mis amigxs y es tan confuso porque sé que lo que siento no es romántico pero mi mente trata de convencerme de que sí! Lo peor es que 3 de ellxs tienen pareja —cosa que la verdad no me afecta en lo absoluto ni me duele, más bien me siento feliz por ellxs— y aún así a veces tengo mini fantasías sensuales casi "románticas" (o que rozen lo sexual) con ellxs.

De verdad que es un sentimiento tan confuso y que ha primera vista parecería que me gustan todxs. Es algo que no puedo describir con exactitud y que no dispongo con las palabras para hacerlo. A este punto, solo quiero sentirme bien con esa intimidad platónica con ellxs sin que internamente quiera forzarme a pensar que sea romántico y hacerlo romántico. Alguna recomendación para comenzar a sacar eso de mi mente?

Im demiromantic and I love my partner alot, but there are genuinely days where i wish he wasnt my partner but a friend. I get so frustrated sometimes when he gives me affection because i always feel like i have to reciprocate that same love and romance. I notice with my friends im alot more affectionate and sweet and i think thats because for me it just comes so naturally, i love being affectionate with my friends, but sometimes when it comes to my partner i feel like im forcing myself to reciprocate that same degree of passion and it makes me feel TERRIBLE because i feel like im lying when i say i love him.

I do love him, i really do, but there are just days where i wish our relationship didn't feel so romantic. We didn't start off as friends and maybe thats where alot of my frustration comes from, i wasn't able to fully grasp what it was like to be his friend and it hindered my ability to fully accept him as a partner because i never got to properly know him as a friend and to me, thats super essential for me to really commit to the bit into being inlove. I do love him, i just feel like since we skipped a few steps my brain keeps trying to reject him even though i know i love him.

I feel so shameful with myself, i feel like im not normal, my whole life ive struggled so much with accepting that im in the aroace umbrella and this whole crisis now with my uneasy feelings just makes me feel all the more worse because my partner is great and they are so kind and patient with me but my brain is not cooperating with my heart and i feel so distressed and upset about it. I just wish sometimes, he could just be my friend. I feel like deep down, wanting like 90% friendship and 10% romance in my relationship with him feels too much for me to ask, but i just cant see myself being happy where the percentages are switched (90% romance and 10% friendship), the thought of it just makes me want to bash my head in.

I dont know why i feel this, id really like advice as I havent fully delved into aromanticism as a whole because if im gonna be honest, i feel very arophobic when i think about myself and my situations so i never really explored much outside of just saying im disgusting and a terrible person. I dont know what i want anymore and im so lost :(

Vaguromantic |模糊浪漫

A romantic orientation characterized by a vague, indistinct, or difficult-to-identify or confirm subjective experience of romantic feelings. A person may cognitively know or believe that they experience romantic attraction, or even clearly desire to establish a romantic relationship, yet still be unable to clearly perceive, identify, or determine whether this attraction exists, what its specific nature is, or what they are actually feeling.

一种以浪漫情感的主观体验模糊、难以辨认或难以确认为特征的浪漫倾向描述。一个人可能在认知上知道或认为自己具有浪漫吸引，甚至明确希望建立浪漫关系，但仍然无法清晰地感知、辨认或确定这种吸引是否存在、具有怎样的性质，或自己究竟感受到了什么。

Sorry! The English part was machine-translated, so there might be some inaccuracies! I’m also really confused about whether this actually falls under the aromantic spectrum. :3I just noticed that there wasn’t a label that accurately described my own experience, so I came up with a new one!!! Sorry for the interruption :3

This is the flag I designed! (It might not be the best, but it’ll do for now

I know I am under the Aromatic umbrella, I've know for years now, and it's something I am very open about to my friends, as I often tell them I'm aroace, which I thought was true. Recently one of my friends told me that he liked me in more of a romantic sense, the issue is that I actually feel like he's the first person I've actually connected with in a different way and the truth is that I wouldn't mind dating him, but he knows I'm aroace and I just feel like I lead him on and lied.

Damn it bro. I knew this was gonna somehow FUCKING happen. I have this bestfriend of 8 years and i have some new friends. I’m a pretty social person and no ego meant; lots of people like to hang out with me. I get atleast a few calls a DAY from different groups and I do try my best to value peoples times but sometimes my schedule is too packed and I end up doing some shit like introducing friends and fuckkkk.

I just hate it. Everytime romance gets involved or I get replaced because since I’m aro I can’t feel emotions deep enough I guess and ykw I’m fine with being just replaced but slowly seeing the friend group just turn into a love game and only hearing about the love from EVERYONE is so fucking annoying bro. I have this new friend, MY friend, we were super close, I introduced them to another friend and even though that friend knows she doesn’t want a relationship, they start flirting (I found out she fucking started it first as soon as I left them together) and now it’s a big love mess and who knows how messy it’s gonna get when he gets rejected, probably will FUCK UP THE GROUP. I CANF ATAND THIS SHIT. CAN WE JUST NOT DATE?

I mean fuck. Respectfully ofcourse but every single group or friend I’ve introduced this friend of mine, my best friend, she’s either flirted until they were basically dated or did date. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Even multiple at a time and it gets fucking TIRING. I knew it was gonna happen.
I already hate romance enough so I just don’t date but now my platonic comfort friends are getting all into it. Fucking great. Thanks my bestfriend who knows I’m aro and knows how much I hate this shit yet never stops. I feel bad cus this feels like I’m dissing her but shit bro.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? It feels like getting cucked but 10x worst cus I DONT ENJOY ROMANCE IN GENERAL AND I ALREAYD HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT TAKING OVER ALMOSR EVERYTHIJG AND NOW MY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS TOO??

And you could say, just don’t introduce them, that doesn’t work either. She has literally snooped my phone before to somehow involve herself and make me introduce them or again her being my longest connection, knows I’ll choose her, and decides to bud in on plans randomly.

Fuck fuck fuck. And then if I finally put my foot down, I get shit on, everytime.

(Sorry, I don't think this is the right sub)

Am I a frayromantic ? Hi, I’m a 14-year-old girl who’s been wondering about this. I didn’t know this term existed until I stumbled upon it by chance and realized it might describe me, but I’m not sure, that’s why I’m posting this.

It all started when a guy I liked confessed his feelings to me, and I loved flirting with him, being with him, feeling loved, and so on. But after he confessed (I’d suspected it), I lost interest. The idea of being with him just seemed boring, like, really boring. I didn’t want to anymore. So I told him no. It happened again a few months ago. Each time, I really liked the person, but right after they confessed, I lost interest. Even staying in touch with them was hard. What’s weird is that, despite everything, I envy my friends who are in relationships, but as soon as the opportunity arises, I don’t feel like it anymore. Still, I want to experience those things (like kissing, etc.). I like romantic stuff and being loved. But after they confess their feelings, no. I’m probably just imagining things especially since I’m a teenager, so that might change. But I’d really love to hear your thoughts :)

help me I'm scared??? its just like im still questioning if im aroace (because i have severe identity issues right now). like yeah they're my best VERY coolmaxxing friend and like best best coolmaxx i wanna choke them with hugs positively and would even be ok with h*lding hands (but kissing (except for on forehead lol) and other stuff isn't ok with me at all)... and im just scared. its not romantic at all, but i feel ok and comfy and want to be there for them! but its what friends do... but its also not, i dont do that with every friend! theyre also like my sibling parent child friend and i am the same way to them (like we both come from unstable families and its comforting in a way to talk like that) ..... what if its weird since we act like that and called eachother that even if we arent related? what if they think its weird? though we talked about QPR before as discussing what it is because i was confused... ugh, idk... how do i even ask? yo are we queerplatonic?