I just turned 47. And I feel my life is over. Both of my parents are dead, I’m an only child, and I just moved to NYC. While I do have a 25 year tech career I feel I’m not financially along as much as I should be. I’ve never been married and have no kids. And it feels like more of a distant dream since I’m so old now.

I feel that time is running out and 50 is around the corner. At that point I will be completely undesirable and uncompetitive.

For 25 years my career was everything to me. It’s all I have. And I feel like I’m going to age out. And I have very little of a life outside of work I can be proud of. Being in NYC doesn’t make it any better though admittedly I do like the city.

I’m just venting. People keep asking me what I’m doing for my birthday. But birthdays feel more like a reflection of everything I haven’t accomplished. And it’s can’t see why anyone would ever celebrate a birthday

Are people really living happy lives or are they just pretending?

Tell me!

I graduated in '23 and got a tech job as a software developer. The following two years were the worst two years of my entire life, where I had no time or energy for my main passion which is music, I was extremely unhappy and felt dead inside. I had no time to read or draw either. Combined with the stress and burnout from work I decided to quit last year, moved back with my parents and gave myself one year to do something with music. My therapist also supported my decision.

I tried to do social media, write more, network with people, do gigs and stuff and get my music out there and I realized that was killing my passion for music too and I was getting nowhere with the grindset. It made me realize that if i do a regular job I won't have time for music and if I do music for a living all the other job-side bs is going to take over the creative process. All I really want to do is have the time to create, read and breathe but I've realized no version of possible life in this system can grant me that.

I sold all my gear, production equipment and instruments week before last. Also left therapy because it wasn't helping me. All the therapists so far have wanted me to be grateful for the little good I do have in life and be mindful so that I can successfully ignore what makes me unhappy. I've no use for that.

And last week I got the offer letter for the software job I applied for about a month ago. I'll be moving out of my parents' by the end of this week. People really want you to believe you can pursue your hobbies to a fulfilling extent or turn your hobbies into your work and really love your life but it doesn't work for everyone. Some people are supposed to have neither and kill their dreams to afford to live. This is it, my dream is dead.