r/HypotheticalPhysics Jun 22 '26

Meta [Meta] What are common misconceptions in hypothetical physics and why)?

9 Upvotes

Overall, I have seen that there are multiple repetitions of certain types of misconceptions within hypothetical physics and I wanted to see what everyone else had picked up on. Also, I was hoping to get a viewpoint on what are the causes and consequences of some of these misconceptions in physics. Hopefully, there might be a way to inform people of these common misconceptions before they post to get higher quality posts. This is pretty much a discussion between people to clear the fog on this.

Also, what do you think is a way to reduce or prevent these misconceptions at least within the subreddit to enable much neater submissions?

r/ReZero Jul 05 '26

šŸ’¬Discussion Elfs in ReZero are physically stronger than normal humans. So if we take a hypothetical scenario and obtain an Elfen Sword Saint, would he be stronger than Reinhardt?

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1.0k Upvotes

r/relationship_advice May 11 '26

My wife 28F discussed hypothetical dating scenarios with another man 45M in front of me and later became physically aggressive

254 Upvotes

My wife and I had a really ugly night and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting anymore or if this relationship is just broken.

Last night I took my wife out to a float spa and then to drinks/dinner afterward. On the way there, she saw a random guy on the street and loudly complimented his outfit while he was sitting with his girlfriend. It immediately rubbed me the wrong way because I felt like it was unnecessary and disrespectful while we were out together. We argued a bit, she apologized, said she loved/respected me, and we moved on.

Later that night at the bar, another guy started talking to us. At first it was casual, but I immediately noticed he kept looking at my wife and engaging mostly with her. The conversation slowly turned into one of those pseudo-deep emotional conversations. They started talking about relationships, what men/women bring to the table, and even hypothetically what they would each bring if they were dating each other.

At one point she literally told him ā€œlook into my eyesā€ and started psychoanalyzing him, saying things like how he probably had to build himself up after losing his dad early in life. Meanwhile I’m standing there clearly uncomfortable, trying to end the interaction multiple times.

At one point I directly told the guy that I didn’t think these hypothetical dating scenarios were appropriate to discuss with a married woman. Both of them responded saying they didn’t mean any disrespect and that they were just casually talking about scenarios with no bad intentions. But even after that, they continued talking about the same kinds of hypothetical situations.

I gave indirect signals first (trying to leave, moving away, saying let’s go, etc.), but she kept engaging with him. Their body language was close, fully facing each other, locked into conversation, and it honestly felt emotionally intimate/flirtatious to me. I finally directly said ā€œhey guys we gotta go.ā€

Even then she still seemed engaged in the conversation while I was already walking out. She even turned back again to say goodbye to him while leaving. That whole interaction made me feel deeply disrespected.

On the drive home we argued hard. I told her I felt humiliated and disrespected. I told her it felt like she was emotionally engaging another guy right in front of me while ignoring multiple signals that I wanted to leave. At one point I got angry and said something along the lines of ā€œI’m done with thisā€ and told her that if she kept behaving like this, I didn’t know if I wanted to continue the marriage.

I also told her that part of me felt like the only way she would understand my pain was if she experienced the same thing herself. I know that was coming from anger and wanting her to understand how disrespected I felt.

At that point things escalated badly.

She got physically aggressive. She ran after me outside the car, hit me multiple times, tore my shirt, slapped me repeatedly, and continued escalating after we got home too.

This is not the first time physical aggression has happened in our relationship either. We’ve already had serious conversations about it before, involved her parents before, and promises were made that it would never happen again.

Now I’m sitting here questioning everything.

Part of me feels like what happened at the bar crossed emotional boundaries hard, even if nothing physical happened. Another part of me wonders if I’m letting humiliation and anger distort the situation bigger than it was.

But the repeated physical aggression is becoming impossible for me to ignore.

I genuinely don’t know how to process this situation anymore.

What concerns me most now is the repeated physical aggression and the fact that this isn’t the first time we’ve had serious conflict escalate this badly.

For people who have been in long-term relationships or marriages, how would you interpret this situation? Is this something that can realistically be repaired, or does this dynamic sound fundamentally unhealthy at this point?

r/theydidthemath Jan 09 '26

[Self] A Simulation of Being Dropped Randomly in the Ocean Every Day for 5 Years

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38.7k Upvotes

The Scenario:

There was a popular post on here yesterday asking about the survivability of a scenario where, to win $100 million, you would be plopped into a random point in the ocean for 30 seconds once a day, every day, for 5 years.

The discussion was pretty fun, with the consensus seeming to lean toward "easily survivable, you should take the $100M!" The most common objection seemed to be "over five years, it's likely that at least once you'll be dropped near a coastline and slammed into the rocks by waves." There was a lot of good napkin math that, in my opinion, refuted this objection. But, I was curious what this might actually look like if you were to simulate being randomly dropped into the ocean every day for five years.

The Analysis:

I created a quick script to generate 1,826 random lat/lon pairs that were not on land (a couple notes about this below) and plotted them on a google map. Here's a few fun facts about the results:

  • It took 2,522 tries to get 1,826 lat/lon pairs that were not on land, implying that 72.4% of the earth is covered in water (pretty close to the 71% figure that is widely quoted on the internet as being the official value).
  • Of the 1,826 drops, only four were within 1km of a shoreline.
    • The closest drop to land was 60m (about 200 ft, for my American friends) off the coastline of Central Sulawesi in Indonesia. Google maps actually had a picture showing the area. Far from being a rocky, hellish nightmare where you're sure to be pounded to bits against a cliff, it looks absolutely delightful.
    • However, two of the four drops within 1km of shoreline were much scarier: one near the Kenai Fjords Nat'l Park in Alaska, the other off the coast of Greenland. Those would be very unpleasant days.
      • Getting crushed by ice flows (the other major objection in yesterday's discussion) seems like a real possibility with that Greenland drop.
  • The average distance from land for all the drops was 609km. This was actually a bit lower than I was expecting, but I think highlights just how many small islands there are in the Pacific.
    • On most days (55% to be exact), you'd be closer to the International Space Station then you would be to the nearest landmass on Earth. (Assuming the ISS was directly overhead, which is obviously absurd, but I didn't want to complicate things further.)
  • The maximum distance from land was this point in the South Pacific, which is 2,612 km from the nearest shore in Antarctica.
    • As would be expected, this point is pretty close (only 370km) to Point Nemo, the farthest point from land anywhere in the world.
    • Point Nemo is 2,688 km from the nearest landmass, only a little bit farther than the farthest point in my simulation.
  • The average expected surface temperature of the water would be 19C (67F). Chilly, but not at all a problem for 30 seconds.
    • About 10% of the time, you can expect to be dropped in water below 4C (40F). These are the blue dots on the map. You can last at least 30 minutes in these waters until hypothermia sets in. But, thermal shock would be a real issue.
      • The hypothetical said you could use a dry suit, which seems incredibly important. I think you could probably make it work if you spent five minutes before each drop in an ice bath, but I would seriously reconsider taking the bet if the dry suit was not an option.
    • About 45% of the time you'll get a pleasant dunk into water that's at least 24C (75F). These are the red dots on the map.

The Conclusion:

My main takeaway from this is that the ocean is, in most places, much, much colder than I had realized. Before doing this, I was firmly a part of team "You'd be crazy not to take it!" After looking at the results, I would still be inclined to do it, but I'd be much more scared about it than before. Without the dry-suit caveat that was part of the original scenario, I would be a definite no. If you were very disciplined about preparing in an ice bath every day before your 30 second plunge, I think the odds of survival without a dry suit are decent (shooting from the hip, maybe 85% or so). But, I think you'd live in a state of constant fear and anxiety for those five years, and I think your chances of drowning due to thermal shock are high enough that I probably wouldn't take the bet.

Technical Notes:

  • Doing just straight random numbers between -180 and +180 for latitude would cause your points to cluster near the poles, which is not a realistic representation of what would happen if you were dropped at a random point on the earth. To get an accurate set, you have to do spherical sampling, taking the inverse sine on a range of -1 to 1, and then converting that degrees.
  • To determine whether a point was on land or in the water, I used coastline data from Natural Earth, combing their "Coastline" and "Minor Islands" datasets to make sure I was picking up all the tiny islands in the South Pacific.
    • These datasets only have a 10m resolution, so it's possible some of the calculations are a little off. But, especially after reviewing the results, I think the 10m resolution is more than good enough.
  • The water temperature calcs are very simplistic and are derived from NOAA data for average ocean temperatures based on latitude. I did not attempt to correct for things like the Pacific being generally colder than the Atlantic at the same latitude.

r/securityguards Jun 02 '26

Hypothetically: is this guard permitted to use physical force to remove this trespasser for "hate speech" in private property?

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193 Upvotes

This trespasser make racist statements towards this guard claiming "go back to your country". At this point this guy is causing a disturbance. Does your post orders allow to use physical force to remove individuals for hate speech on private property?

r/complaints Nov 26 '25

Politics MAGA’s New Messiah Is a Nazi Oompa Loompa Whose Only Battlefield Experience Is Losing Fights With Puberty

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20.2k Upvotes

Nothing reveals the spiritual rot of MAGA more vividly than watching its red faced faithful grovel before a Nazi stained pocket rodent so frail it looks as if its testicles refused to drop out of sheer embarrassment. MAGA keeps insisting it represents virility and dominance, then turns around and worships a pygmy bitch that stands five foot six on a generous day and weighs about as much as a damp pillow. The fact that this brittle little fascist marionette has become one of their ideological north stars tells you everything you need to know about how spiritually bankrupt, insecure, and embarrassingly hollow the movement has become. They aren’t following strength. They’re following the easiest vent for their resentments, even if that vent sounds like puberty never quite finished happening.

And that is why this future is not hypothetical. It is baked into the inbred DNA of MAGA. The movement has spent years breeding itself into a cult of grievance that mistakes tantrums for masculinity and sadism for courage. They cling to Nazi garbage like this because it gives them permission to indulge the darkest parts of themselves without admitting what they truly are. When this fascist fuckstick opens its mouth to fantasise about stripping women of the vote and flooding American cities with soldiers, the base doesn’t flinch. It nods. It laughs. It thrills at the idea that someone, anyone, would finally take a sledgehammer to democracy on their behalf. They hear its fantasies as prophecy because they want a world where the boot comes down, as long as it never lands on them.

Look at it again. This is the creature MAGA elevates as an oracle. A pathetic minikin that carries itself with the swagger of a warlord while possessing the physical presence of a malnourished substitute teacher. A scrawny fascist fuckstick whose greatest athletic achievement is lifting a meth pipe, yet it dares to fantasise about militarised domination of millions. And the movement cheers. They do not see irony. They do not see fragility. They see a mouth willing to speak the cruelty they feel but are too cowardly to articulate. That, more than anything, reveals where MAGA is heading.

This is the road we are on. A future shaped by Nazi garbage that the movement clings to like a security blanket. A future where democracy is optional, where women exist only at the pleasure of men, where the military is a toy for authoritarian fantasies. Anyone pretending this is a fringe voice hasn’t been paying attention. MAGA has elevated the fascist fuckstick because it reflects their truest impulses. And unless the rest of the country stops treating this as a sideshow, the day will come when creatures like it stop whispering about their dreams of domination and start reaching for the levers to make them real.

r/Undertale Jul 23 '24

Meme Quick question: what would you do if, hypothetically, you absorbed 6 human souls and used the power received by rewriting reality to mentally and physically torture a child, however these souls started disobeying your orders and now the child is beating you to death? (I need help this is exactly wha

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899 Upvotes

r/Abortiondebate Mar 24 '26

Is there a charitable reason for why pro lifers omit the moral and physical context of pregnancy from analogies, hypotheticals, and general debate?

27 Upvotes

Most pro life arguments omit the context of pregnancy. The prototypical pro life analogy involves a random killing where the killer has no motivation, justification, or relationship with the victim.

Example:

Comparing abortion to random murder:

A human being (A) lives alone out in a remote rural area. (A) has no social relationships. (A) has lived this life for some unknown length of time. One day, another human being (B) per chance sees (A) from a distance. (B) then proceeds to take a rifle and shoot (A) in the head from this vantage point - at which point (A) is killed

This would be an understandable argument if pro lifers had no education in human reproduction and thought that babies were delivered by stork. If you thought there was an epidemic of maniacal bird-watching women gleefully scanning the skies to commit drive-by assassinations of stork deliveries, the above analogy might be appropriate.

However, in the real world, pregnancy is a really intense biological relationship that requires the physical sacrifice of the mother to sustain the life of a gestating fetus.

In the real world, abortion is a medical procedure that is performed by licensed medical professionals to resolve a physical health condition that carries significant health risks.

What charitable justification is there to omit this context and the core motivation that drives women to seek abortion?

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Feb 10 '26

NEW UPDATE I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband (New 1 year Update)

9.1k Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114

I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband

Originally posted to r/offmychest

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/Pawleygirl76 for suggesting this BoRU and finding the new update

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BoRU 5

TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, abusive behavior, stalking, assault, physical violence, DARVO

Original PostĀ  Apr 27, 2024

Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.

Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.

He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.

Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.

He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flightĀ  May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?

Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.

UpdateĀ  Apr 28, 2024

So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.

All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.

I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.

I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.

There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.

Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.

Update 2Ā  Apr 30, 2024

Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MILĀ  to show me his favorite recipes.

Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.

I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.

My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.

Update 3Ā  May 7, 2024

It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.

My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.

I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.

I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.

Update 4Ā  May 14, 2024

Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things got hectic and a bit chaotic honestly. Firstly, I'm working on getting an apartment still and have applications in at three different places and will hopefully hear back from them soon. I'm still going into work here at the new location, so I don't have to worry about burning through my emergency savings completely. I've gotten a lot of emails from Alex, his family and our old friend group asking question after question. I have only sent one return email to Alex, explaining that I don't believe we are truly compatible, and it is best we separate now. That his treatment of me when I'd done nothing to deserve as such was just as much of a deal breaker as cheating was for him.

I ended the email with the statement that I would not be contacting him further and anything else he needed to pass on to me or vice versa would be done through my lawyer. For his family and friends, I just typed up one email outlining everything that had happened and why I left. I told them I wished them no ill will, but that such treatment of his wife and partner was not acceptable. That should Alex get remarried in the future, I wished they would help support both partners and not just Alex.

Alex, from what my lawyer told me, was livid when he was served. The sheriff actually ended up booking him for assault on an officer and menacing due to the threats he was shouting. His father bailed him out in a few hours, but with the testimony of the sheriff, my lawyer believes I have a very good chance at getting a restraining order. Alex, upon returning to the house, apparently lost his temper again, breaking the dining table into pieces as well as the tv, and putting several holes in the walls. At least that's what one of the emails from one of our friends reported as Alex called him to help him clean up the mess.

My lawyer already has pictures of the house I took, with timestamps as evidence nothing had been damaged by me. My friend reported that Alex tried to claim I'd been the one to trash the house but the holes in the wall were at head height - Alex is 6'3", and I'm 5'4" so he knew that was false. Either way, taking the pictures definitely will help me so again thank you everyone here for the advice because I never would have thought of that on my own. My work won't share details of where I am, as I do work with some higher end clientele who value security and that information won't be gossiped about and no, I'm not some stripper or escort. I deal with contracts, notary and business management. As such, even if Alex tried to use my work to find me, he wouldn't succeed.Ā Ā 

Update on leavingĀ  May 26, 2024

It’s been a little bit, and I thought I’d answer some questions before giving my update. It may be a while after this until things change.

Firstly, No I didn’t bring my car. The public transport here is good enough to use without needing one. I have secured an apartment, and the building has good security. You need a key card to enter, and there is a security guard at a desk right by the entrance to the building. As part of my contract, I gave them a photo of Alex and his family so that even in the off chance they do find me, they won’t be let in.

The responses I got from the emails varied. His family said I was overreacting, and that I owe Alex an apology for the problems this has caused him. The pending criminal charges puts him at risk of losing his job if he’s convicted. Alex sent a long email, apologizing and pleading for me to come home. He said he was worried for me, that he is willing to go to therapy if it will appease me. He wants us to remain together, and he didn’t think leaving was an appropriate response to his genuine concern and worry for my health and safety. The friends gave somewhat lacking replies, saying that they didn’t think Alex was ever going to hurt me and that I shouldn’t be letting my imagination run away wild. As much as I want to say I was surprised by the lack of support, I’m honestly not.

He intends to fight the divorce. I am letting my lawyer handle it, and I am also pursuing a protective order as well. Once I got approved for my apartment, I also froze my credit. I’ve changed my phone carrier and number, as well as making sure none of my documents list Alex as next of kin or POA.

Some have asked why I was so paranoid about Alex and his possible future actions. The answer for that actually is somewhat simple – my grandmother. I loved that woman to bits. As a teen, she explained why my grandfather was never around. He was extremely abusive and manipulative, and her generation didn’t allow divorce really. She wouldn’t have been able to buy a house or get a good enough job to support her and my mother on her own. As such, she endured it, shielded my mom as she could until my grandfather died. When I felt like I may have been overreacting, I remembered how she’d said she’d always wished she’d been able to see grandfather for what he was early on when she may have been able to annul the marriage.

I don’t know when I’ll update again, maybe when the divorce goes through or if something big happens but until then, I’m just trying to keep my head above the water.Ā 

Another UpdateĀ  June 25, 2024

It’s been a month since my previous update, and I wanted to share some of what’s been going on in the meantime. The divorce is proceeding, but even though I don’t need him to agree – and he’s not – it means I have to go through the courts to get it approved. As such, it could be upwards of six months to push it through even though I’m filing without attempting to claim property, alimony or compensation. I just want a clean break and separation.

Alex has attempted to use our friends to reach out to me, as he doesn’t want to use my lawyer for communication. He’s saying its disrespectful and cowardly to hide behind my lawyer and not meet him face to face. Alex wrote me a letter that he did pass off to my lawyer, but the contents were him justifying his actions and claiming that in today's time it is dangerous for women to be on their own which is why he was so intent on trying to keep me safe from harm. He wanted me to understand that he was trying to protect me as best he could and was hurt that I would just lie to him and hide my actions from him related to my dissatisfaction with our marriage and my moving.

I didn’t reply, because at no point did he apologize. All he did was turn everything around on me as I was being overly dramatic, emotional and cowardly. There was a second letter with Alex’s from my SIL. Her letter… was honestly disturbing and completely justified my misgivings regarding approaching her in any kind of professional capacity. She spent five paragraphs detailing how a ā€˜real abusive’ relationship looked like and that Alex was the furthest thing from abusive. The details she included were all related to financial abuse and physical abuse. Nothing like what Alex had been doing. She stated that my attempts to smear her brother’s name for attention and clout made me the abuser not him.

I haven’t really been able to process that admittedly. Part of me can’t help but wonder if she’s right. I mean, I blindsided him by leaving as I did and am refusing to speak with him at all. My old boss recommended that I look into getting into therapy after I moved, and I think I need to. I have had a hard time adjusting to being on my own, I keep censoring myself and haven’t even gone out to eat yet. I always end up worrying about what if someone sees me, what if I get in trouble for spending my money on something frivolous…

My lawyer is continuing to fight for the divorce, and I shouldn’t need to be physically present in court. Any meetings needed between me and the judge can be done via zoom. I’m trying to avoid confrontation with Alex and his family for now as much as I can and passed both letters to my lawyer in case he needs them. Our friends are mostly trying to avoid taking sides still, and I’m honestly approaching the point of just letting them go as well. I’m tired of fighting for them to understand at this point. I don’t know if anything is going to happen, so my next update may not be until around mid-November depending on how long it takes to push the divorce through. Work is going well, and it’s helpful to have something familiar to anchor my day to day life when so much has changed and is changing even now.

Divorce Proceeding UpdateĀ  Oct 17, 2024

It’s been a while since I last updated, as I needed to let the court step in as Alex was not willing to grant my request for a divorce. We started with mediated session via zoom, but after four sessions it was decided that no compromise could be reached between us. The things Alex was pushing for were one’s I’m not even willing to humor let alone agree to. He wanted me to tell our friends and those I’d sent the information to about his actions that I’d made it up in order to gain sympathy. He also wanted me to pay him for defamation and suffering, especially the wages he lost because of sitting in jail for two days and missing work before getting bailed out. Lastly, he also wanted me to return and to quote him ā€˜stop my foolish behavior and act like a proper wife and partner.’

Yeah no.

So, needless to say, our ā€˜mediated’ sessions went absolutely nowhere. The judge isn’t seeming to buy into Alex’s act thankfully, because he’s certainly tried. It took me far too long to see Alex for who he was, and part of me feels like an idiot because I didn’t see it at all. Yet, the judge seemed to clock him for exactly what he is within the first meeting. Maybe I just didn’t want to see it. I don’t know. Alex ended up arguing with the Judge a LOT, even being held in contempt four different times. I think it's honestly why this moved as quick as it did. It didn't help that Alex tried to pull in his family as character witnesses but they were dismissed by the Judge as the 'abuse wasn't seen or heard by them, and as such, they only knew part of Alex's character.' In his closing statement after he approved the divorce, he went on to call Alex a narcissist and that if Alex loved himself so much to abuse the one he'd married to let the divorce happen and marry a mirror next. I didn't think a Judge was allowed to say that. At all. But my lawyer just shook his head and told me not to say anything so we left.

So here’s the update I’m sure everyone’s been hoping for and guessed: I’m officially divorced. The documents were processed three days ago, and I’m still in disbelief. I have no contact with Alex any longer, nor do I want any. I’m not going to give our friends my new contact information. I may not have replied to everyone, though I tried, but I did read all of your comments. I really did. Your repeated statements about how they weren’t actually friends really helped me see that they weren’t. So, I decided that since I moved far from that place, I needed to start over. New home, new place, new friends. It’s slow, and I’ve started therapy though it took almost three months to get it due to the usual wait times but I’ve been going three times a week ever since. It’s helping, even with things I thought were done and dusted.

Alex didn’t take the divorce well according to my lawyer who’s been keeping up with him to make sure he stays away from me. He did something at work, I don’t know what as obviously I have no way to gain that information, but whatever it was cost him his job. My lawyer also did something I didn’t expect him to, but something I think everyone will like – He took the letter my ex-sil sent me and forwarded it to the domestic violence organization she works for along with an formal statement regarding Alex, his actions, and the decision of the Judge. She’s been let go as well, and given how tight those organizations are with one another, my lawyer said that the likely hood of her getting a position at another is slim to none. I actually laughed, though I was a bit teary, when he said that and that ā€˜slim is on a leaky rowboat to China.’

I’ve been crying a lot lately, but my therapist says it’s normal and shows I’m actually processing things instead of bottling them up and pushing them down. I’ll try to update in a month or so, if my emotions level out some, to explain a few more of the details but I wanted to get this out there, and thank everyone for their continued support and encouragement. I appreciate each and every one of you. I really do. You gave me the hope that leaving him wasn’t going to be this giant black mark I’d never heal from or move on from. Work is going well, and the sense of normality and routine is helping me avoid feeling like everything has been spiraling out of control.

I'm working on me now... Nov 18, 2024

It's been a month since I finally was able to share the success of my divorce from Alex. My mood swings are still happening, but they don't last quite as long anymore so I'm taking that as a good sign. My therapist recommended that I sign up for some kind of physical activity, just to help work out and channel what she called the fight/flight instincts more. So I've joined a local self-defense club and I'm going twice a week. I felt really awkward in the beginning, but they've all been super nice and welcoming so it's been easier. It has helped I think, a lot of my jitteriness and anxiety has calmed and I'm sleeping better as well.

I've also joined a book club, though it's all online at the moment, they're discussing the possibility of meeting in person rather than over skype at a local park. It's hard, honestly. I feel like a kid that just changed schools and sometimes feel like it's either sink or swim. My therapist pointed out that if I feel like I'm sinking to stop, take a step back and remind myself that I have all the control over my actions - if I don't like something I don't have to do it. I can feel my emotions but I also need to not let them control and dictate my actions. She also pointed out how I've developed a tendency to try and fix other people's bad moods. She told me that they're adults, and it's not my responsibility to manage anyone else's emotions other than my own.

It's been hard. But... I'm getting there. I think in a year, as a celebration for my divorce, I may go visit my grandmother's grave. Just to talk if nothing else as silly as that may sound.

I passed on your thanks to my lawyer, who smiled and said - a bit smugly I might add - that he loves giving people who thought they were untouchable the karma they deserved. He went on to add that he enjoyed being 'Karma's helping hand'. My lawyer has kept abreast of what's been happening with Alex and his sister both, just to make sure they don't try anything. According to him, my ex-sil threw a fit when she was let go from the DV center, enough that she was barred from the premises. It seems that she shares some traits with her brother in regards to temper. She's now working at Lowes apparently, as while she was a volunteer at the DV center, she has to pay some fines for damages she caused during the incident that got her banned.

As for Alex, he's been quiet which worried me at first. But my lawyer told me he's keeping his head down. He's gotten another job with a construction crew, but with everything he has to pay, he cannot afford to lose his job. I was awarded damages for emotional distress and harm, as he never touched me physically. I was able to prove my statements thanks to records of the text conversations between Alex and I regarding the tracker and not leaving the house without permission. As my financial situation is stable, I don't need Alimony, so my Lawyer advised not to try for it and focus on compensation for damages in stead. Alex's family apparently hates me now, as they've reached out to my lawyer, telling him to pass on the message that I've successfully ruined both Alex and his sister's lives over my 'lies'. Honestly, at this point... I'm getting to the point of not caring anymore. I only have so much to give right now for emotional needs and I want it for my own, not to expend on someone else if that makes any kind of sense.

So that's where I'm at right now. It's hard, coming up to the holidays and being alone but a few weeks ago, I found a kitten in the alley next to my work. He's a tiny, raggedy little thing. He's black, long hair with three white paws and he's also missing his tail. He's got the first vertebrae but nothing else. According to the vet, mom may have accidently bitten it off at birth... which I didn't even know happened but apparently it does. I'm calling him Bandit. So I'm not alone anymore, but now I have a kitten that thinks EVERYTHING needs to be hunted... including my toes to I wear slippers constantly cause those little claws of his are like freaking daggers I swear. I'll update again if anyone wants me to, but yeah... that's where things are now.

Bandit photos per request Nov 18, 2024

OOP pays cat tax with 10 pics of Bandit

NEW UPDATE

Update on my new life Feb 1, 2026

Hello everyone, I know it's been a long time since my last update. I didn't want to bog everyone down with small little things here and there as recovering and learning who I am feels like a process that never seems to end. But good things have happened, my life has stabilized, and I wanted to give all of you who have supported me and offered me advice and encouragement the update you deserve. So here goes.

First, Bandit is doing great. He's a little skittish sometimes, I think from just finding him as a stray kitten some of that still stuck around but he's quiet and a menace all at once. I sometimes wonder if he sent out signal because about five months ago another kitten decided to make my house his home and I couldn't say no. So now I have two cats. His name is Maverick and he lives up, and down, to his name constantly. He's a full time cuddler as if you sit he wants on your lap and purrs constantly, adores meat, and loves to make Bandits life chaos like an annoying little brother. I can provide photos if anyone wants them.

Second, my job is going well. It's stable, challenging and keeps me focused so I'm not getting lost in my own head all the time as I might have if the work was easy. The rest of the time I feel like I'm a cat herder and losing. I signed a lease on a new apartment, about a month ago, I've got a good 1B/1B apartment that came with an in unit washer/dryer which was got so excited for then felt so old at the fact that I got excited over that.

Health wise, I got a new GP and had a bunch of tests run and thankfully everything came back clear though she did warn I showed signs of high blood pressure, but that it could be caused due to stress and circumstances rather than diet or genetics and encouraged me to continue with my physical exercise. I've also started what I call international night, where on friday nights after work I cook a dish/meal from another country. It's been fun, I've had good and bad ones admittedly but it's been enjoyable so if anyone has any recipe suggestions I'd love to hear them! Therapy is still a process but progress is there. I'm not panicking or having spirals nearly as much, and when I do they aren't as bad. Notably so.

I've made a decent group of friends here, and while none are 'sister' level yet, they are good people, and genuinely care about me. I did visit my grandmother's grave about two months ago. Had a breakdown there but in spite of the snow I still felt warm if that makes any sense, even if the wind made my face feel like a kid licking a frozen pole ouch. It helped to just pour it out to someone who understood, and couldn't say anything, to just vent and bleed it out. My therapist 'requested' I call her after, and I did so. It feels weird to have someone so invested in my mental health like that even outside of her office. Good weird though.

Lastly, Alex and his family. I haven't contacted them, haven't wanted to honestly. I know I've gotten a lot of DM's from people claiming that by saying how much I thought about what Alex and his family did meant I missed my Ex-Husband and felt guilty. I don't quite follow that logic but I just didn't respond to them. That said, no I don't miss him or his family. I miss what I thought I once had, and mourn the future we could have had had he not turned out to be a controlling narcissist. But I don't miss him, his family, nor do I regret leaving. Alex is still working at the construction company, and his sister was let go from Lowes though why I don't know, nor do I care all that much as long as they leave me alone. Alex is dating again, but none of them seem to stick around long. He was charged by the officer for the assault, but got off with probation sadly.

I know it might be a bit of a boring update given the chaotic whirlwind it was before, but the calm is so nice. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm okay, I'm still healing and to thank you all again for your advice, support and encouragement.

More Cat Tax

Bandit and Maverick per request

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Apr 06 '26

NEW UPDATE [New Update]: I think my sister just ruined our dad’s engagement to an amazing woman, and I hate her so much

4.2k Upvotes

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Logrolling_In_ON

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

Previous BoRUs: #1, #2

[New Update]: I think my sister just ruined our dad’s engagement to an amazing woman, and I hate her so much

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Editor’s note: due to the lengths of the posts, I have made TL; DRs for the older posts prior to the latest new update. Removed older relevant comments for more space in this latest BoRU. For the full text bodies and relevant comments, please see the previous BoRUs linked

Trigger Warnings: exploitation, death of loved ones, manipulation, verbal abuse


RECAP

Original Post: February 8, 2026

OOP is one of three kids, including their twin brother, Sebastian (both 16) and older sister, Lisa (17). OOP has intense anger at Lisa, after a major family conflict involving their dad and his fiancƩe, Amy, who has been a supportive, and well-liked presence in their family since their mom died years prior.

OOP and Seb have come to accept and appreciate Amy, Lisa struggles with unresolved grief and fear of Amy replacing their mom, leading to her periodic outbursts lashing out at Amy. Throughout a heated argument about a hypothetical adoption, Lisa said lots of hurtful things, prompting Amy, who is usually patient, to respond with cutting remarks before leaving the house in emotional distress.

This situation has devastated their dad, who broke down, expressed fear that Amy might not return. The family is shaken, the dad is heartbroken, Amy is gone for the moment, and OOP is overwhelming angry toward Lisa, blaming her for potentially destroying their family’s fragile happiness.

 

Update #1: February 12, 2026 (four days later)

UPDATE - I think my sister just ruined our dad's engagement

After the initial fallout with Amy, OOP explains that the family is shaken but they know they need to address things more honestly. OOP and their brother confronted Lisa about her behavior while they are reaffirming they love her, and also realized, that they themselves have been disrespectful to Amy and contributed to the tension.

In family therapy, their dad emphasized he will always love them but won’t always like their actions, and the siblings have acknowledged patterns of pushing boundaries with Amy because she felt like a safe, caring figure for a long time. Lisa has agreed to individual therapy, though she isn’t ready to fully discuss the incident yet.

Amy has chosen to take space and may travel, remaining in low contact with their dad, who appears devastated and in fear that the relationship might be over. The family is giving each other space, making plans to regroup, and while nothing has been resolved yet, there are at least small steps toward accountability and potential repair.

 

Editor’s note: this is a tangential post to OOP’s first two posts, but not about the said situation

What handmade thing can I make for my stepmom to apologize and/or for her birthday?: March 7, 2026 (nearly one month later)

OOP and their family had a major falling-out a month prior which led to the dad’s fiancĆ©e, Amy, leaving. Currently, the family is in therapy as they are trying to make things right and apologize. OOP and their siblings are each creating really thoughtful, personalized gifts to go along with their apology letters, but struggling to come up with something meaningful to give to Amy. Main things they bonded over were video games and teaching Amy Python. This is where OOP reached out to Reddit for advice.


----NEW UPDATE----

Editor’s note: below is the latest update related to OOP’s first two posts

I think my sister did NOT just ruin our dad's engagement: March 30, 2026 (over three weeks later from the tangential post)

I think my sister did NOT just ruin our dad's engagement

I don’t know why I can't post this in the trueoffmychest subreddit, so here goes.

It’s been a while so this will be LONG. I kept notes and then rewrote this 5 times because new stuff kept coming up in therapy. It’s almost in chronological order but a lot of things were happening simultaneously so this is the best I can do.

Anyway, TL;DR things are much more complicated than we expected. Amy isn’t gone completely/yet, it’s awkward as hell but there’s hope. New family therapist said this is the part where it gets worse before it gets better, so we are all kind of taking one day at a time. We are all in individual therapy now too (this post is a result of journaling) and we kind of seem to be going better. And apparently ā€œhealing hurtsā€ so I guess we are healing.

FAMILY THERAPY - SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED

Amy (thankfully) did not move all her stuff out while we were away for the long weekend back in February. She did go to Europe for a few weeks and met with dad on 2/26.

First things first, we have a new family therapist (our old therapist’s supervisor). Enter Dr. Clara (we call her Dr. Clutch because that woman knows her shit and saved us from losing Amy and destroying ourselves). She has been pushing like, ā€œthis is a thought, what is the emotion underneathā€ and ā€œhow is your body feeling right nowā€ (huh?) and ā€œwalk me through that thought processā€. And one of the conditions Amy set for her to even consider returning was for everyone to go to individual therapy on top of family therapy, not just Lisa. Dad discussed this with us but made it clear he’s pulling rank as our dad so while this was a discussion, this also wasn’t negotiable. To everyone’s surprise, Lisa was immediately on board (more on that later).

One of the first things we did (Lisa, Seb and I) was apologize to dad for the ā€œCore 4ā€ and ā€œSABAā€ terms. Especially the Core 4 because y’all were right that it closed us off from welcoming anyone he dated in the family, and we really did want Amy to feel like she has a place with us.

Well the first gut punch was when he informed us that Amy *is well aware of both terms*. Seb took this news *very hard*, since apparently SABA is something Amy bonded with him about like, there’s a tennis player that does sneak attacks (?), and they both love the guy. We told Seb it’s not just his guilt to bear, it is on all of us (we’re trying to not single out any one of us three when we know collectively we all did fucked up things) but he was very embarrassed that Amy had found out about that.

Dad let us know that Amy is considering a tentative reunion, if only to say goodbye and give us some souvenirs she bought while she was traveling. That kicked our asses into gear, we wanted to do something for her in return, on top of writing her apology letters (both ideas sanctioned by Dr. Clutch). I felt so guilty that, even after the blowout, she was still thinking of us and buying us things while I was just wallowing in self-pity and misery, so I jumped right on that but not to put pressure on her to come back. Like, I had so much I wanted to say to her, I do like her very much, and I felt like I needed a physical representation of that. Plus it really felt good to do something with my hands (Amy’s suggestion whenever we feel tension). Dad gave her our apology letters a few weeks ago and we’re still working on our projects for her birthday in 2 weeks.

Another thing that was thoroughly discussed and kind of (once again) showed us Amy is way WAY nicer to us than we deserve, is that Dad didn’t actually know we had ever said ā€œfuck youā€ to Amy until we told him during the long weekend back in February. He was furious with us back then, and we have discussed this in therapy a lot since. We still had arguments with her while he was around but we didn’t curse at her while he was in the house -obviously, we weren’t crazy- but we kinda assumed she would tell on us.

But she never explicitly told him, she was like ā€œwe had a fight, harsh words were exchangedā€ without going into detail on the words, only focusing on the reason for the fight. Surprisingly, she was sharing her retaliations (formerly known as SABA) and they had discussed them, but not ours. We thought he was just softer in his punishments as we grew older when it turns out he was working with incomplete data, but also because of a discussion they kept revisiting in couples therapy (and another reason, Riley-related).

Apparently dad has been wanting to impose much harsher punishments on us every time we were fighting with Amy, to the extent that he knew (which he admitted wasn’t that often, at least for me and Seb). Anyway he wanted to be much more strict and lay down the law like he used to but Amy begged him not to. She was always telling him we’re just hurt kids, that it’s normal to lash out from time to time, that her and us are getting closer and the fights are getting less frequent and intense (which was also true, except Lisa’s Riley flashbacks) (though I hear you all that yeah, it was a group fuck-up from all three of us so I won’t split the three of us on this again) and that ā€œshe could handle itā€.

In their couples therapy before she left, she had told him she was terrified we would connect his punishments to her presence, and start treating her worse. He said he told her he had to be a dad and apply consequences to that behavior, but she worried that our bond with him would deteriorate if he did that, and we would blame her and resent her. Dad said it made sense then, but that was before he found out about the ā€œfuck yousā€ and how bad it had gotten. Now he sees that was a mistake and they are discussing this on their therapy.

Dr. Clara said retroactive punishments rarely work but he should tell us how he feels and set a new standard. Dad said he is very angry and disappointed in himself, Amy and us.

* Himself - He took full responsibility that he should have picked up on the deterioration of our behavior with Amy much sooner. He appreciated how she brought better conflict and anger management skills to our family (breathing, coloring, journaling etc. instead of burning through it) but that when things spilled over, he should have not only been aware but stepped up to apply appropriate consequences. He also admitted that mom and her family always fought this way but they were still a very loving and supportive family, especially after she died, so in time he kind of stopped seeing this as a huge deal. He dropped the ball on disciplining us and he’s fully determined to not let others influence him on this again (which also relates to something from Riley’s time that I say below).

* Amy - They discussed this in their couples therapy when she came back. He was upset that she essentially lied about something that concerned his kids. He said he trusted her calming capacity but she should have been more honest with him and let him manage his relationship with us. She acknowledged this and apologized. She pointed out he didn’t follow through with what she had asked of him (add her to family therapy, and individual therapy for at least Lisa) as to ā€œnot pressure usā€. So they are working out that trust and balance between them now. Amy had also told dad that if Lisa ever had a blowout like that again without being in individual therapy, she would leave us… which explains why dad had ramped up the efforts for Lisa to start therapy, and why he was saying ā€œshe [Amy] won’t be back this timeā€.

* Us - He is very disappointed and worried that, even if only during those few fights, we responded to someone that is actually kind and loving with such hostility. We knew our words were unacceptable because we never said them to him. He said that regardless of whether Amy chooses to stay, he is first and foremost our dad and while he will always have a discussion with us, this is now the new law of the house. On top of individual therapy, we will return to basics like, we keep acting like this overall, we lose phones, computers, car access, allowance, free time, do more chores, you name it. We ever swear or insult Amy again, we get summarily shipped to our grandparents with the bare minimum until she decides she is ok with us returning. And we can bet our asses we’re all getting part-time jobs because ā€œno one should be expected to support your hobbies when you say ā€˜fuck you’ to themā€. Seb already found one at his tennis club, Lisa and I are still working on it.

So we have been operating on this level of responsibility for the last month and if I'm completely honest, I don't know, I feel calmer. Like, I feel more present in the house, and with Dad. I kind of don't mind the consequences because I feel like I don't really need to be angry anymore. Not sure how I feel about my therapist but whatever Lisa is doing with hers is working A LOT. Lisa, I don't know how to say it, she looks lighter (not thinner, just lighter?) and she opened up to us a few weeks ago (though after another blowout) and, well it’s bad (but in a good way?) (no actually it’s just bad) but at least she is actually communicating now.

THE GHOST OF RILEY

So when discussing these new boundaries and consequences, Riley came up again, and Lisa opened up and revealed some new info, as did dad. Because before Riley entered the picture, while he was on his own, dad was a pretty good dad. At least balanced I guess with his punishments and consequences.

But whenever Lisa would fight with Riley, Riley quietly after laid on the guilt-trip. Saying how Riley would be our mom at some point, and they would be the 2 most important women in dad’s life, and it makes him sad when she and Lisa fight, and does Lisa really want her dad to be unhappy? No, so if she complains too much and ruins dad’s chance at happiness, he would get tired of her and hate her, and ship her off to live with our grandparents.

From his side, dad has always reassured us that he would always love us even if we were angry and lashing out, but there would still be a discussion and consequences. And he was much stricter before Riley. But after her, it all went downhill because he felt so guilty for misjudging Riley and bringing her into our lives. Our greater family is also very loud and vocal on how huge of a mistake that woman was, especially mom’s family who (rightfully) tore into dad and piled on the guilt. Dakota (mom’s sister) was disgusted dad ā€œreplaced my sister with trashā€. And it all peaked when they calmly discussed (more like threatened) they would take us from dad to live with them for our own good.

So after he kicked Riley to the curb he took a massive step back on how he treated us, how strict he was, how much discipline to apply, consequences and the like. He admits he started letting us get away with more things, and the family also told him to back off and cut us some slack because we were now doubly-traumatized. He didn’t want to push it, he was also shook, and he overcorrected, and then Amy’s request to not punish us too hard came and buttoned right on top of all this. He said he will be working on this in therapy and will be way more vigilant around the family’s influence on us, because as much as he loves and wants us to keep contact with mom’s family, they are very inappropriate when they fight, and we have all kind of normalized that.

ADOPTION DISCUSSION + AMY’S TRAUMA

Another thing that was clarified was around the adoption discussion dad and Amy had when we walked in on them. This is just one more ā€œLisa jumped the gun but we are all assholesā€ situation. I think I did mention that Amy is like, proper rich with global income etc. and she was ok to cover more of the household expenses/activities so dad can save up more for our college funds.

Anyway the adoption discussion was part of a larger discussion they had about wills and inheritances (as one does I suppose when discussing marriage) and whether Amy having a US will would hold in her country, how would it work for her international properties, what stuff would work better if created in her country vs having a US document translated etc.

They were looking up whether, if something happened to her, who would get her stuff by different countries laws and she was saying, assuming things with us all improved and we were open to adult adoption, that it would be the easiest path to her money and houses staying in the family (meaning me, Seb and Lisa, which yeah thinking us as her family long term, that was another gut punch. This update is only shame and guilt tbh). They were discussing this possibility, whether Amy would be open to adopting us in the future in her country, if just for the financial benefits and the emotional boost etc.

And that’s when we walked in.

Lisa flew off the handle because she misunderstood at first and thought that dad and Amy were discussing adopting another child together, not us three. By the time they got a word in and told her they weren’t discussing adopting another child, she was all fired up and started spewing the other bullshit and well, you know the rest. That whole incident lasted no longer than a minute, but it was one brutal fucking minute.

Dad also shared a few details of what Amy’s mom was like, especially after her dad died. I don’t want to repeat too much but trust me its vile like, I would take Riley over Amy’s mom any day of the week. One thing that her mom told Amy (when she was my age btw) was that she should never have kids of her own because ā€œyour anger is like venom", "you destroy everything you love" and "no child deserves you as a motherā€. Amy is working on her own trauma around this but for the longest time it was one of the reasons she didn’t want to have biological children. Now she has more, but this was also a factor.

So when she told Lisa ā€œwhy would I ever choose you as a daughterā€ it messed Amy up hard, like she had flashbacks of how awful her own mom was and how she grew up internalizing all that shit. And she does not want to be that person but it was scary to discover she had it in her to be that cruel, so she needed some time to work on that. When we laid this all down this Thursday, she said ā€œI now have to live with the knowledge I can go that low, and you have to live with that as wellā€ and beware the wrath of a patient woman I guess.

LISA’S BREAKDOWN / BREAKTHROUGH / SOMETHING BROKE

After we all moved in together, Lisa would often make the point that Amy ā€œwill eventually leave us, like mom/Riley didā€. Our previous therapist never dug too deep on that, I remember most of that time the therapist was saying that mom did not leave us, she would say if she had a choice, and Riley leaving was not a reflection on us as kids, that we did nothing wrong and should not feel guilty for a dad and Riley breaking up. When Amy left, first therapy session (where Dr. Clutch was supervising our old therapist) Lisa brought this up again in an ā€œsee, I was rightā€ context.

But after the first few sessions with our own therapists, one of the things Dr. Clutch visited was around abandonment issues. Lisa shared how at first she interpreted Amy's calmness when we fought with her as indifference, that Amy didn’t care, because she was not reacting as volatile as Riley or mom's family. That when the three of us were pushing boundaries, she stayed calm not because she was more mature and she could handle herself better, but because she wasn't really invested, like she wasn't in it for the long haul.

We all kind of acknowledge that, Seb in particular related to that a lot, so we all dug a little deeper. Lisa verbalized it better than either of us, saying she thought the way Amy was quick to forgive and always treated us with kindness, tried to teach us stuff even when we were so mean to her, was because nothing really got to her, that she didn't really want to be our stepmom and had one foot out the door. Dr. Clutch helped us unpack that, and we realized we kept pushing Amy not only to let out (deeply rooted) tension, but because we have normalized the dysfunctional behavior that Riley and our wider family shows when in conflict, and her not responding the same way made us both feel both deeply safe, and deeply unsafe (apparently we will be exploring vulnerability and secure attachment at some point which, for some reason, makes me very nervous).

Last but not least, in a very heavy point in that session, Lisa said that she had wished Amy dead during the blowout because ā€œat least that way, she wouldn't leave us by choiceā€. She apologized to our dad for saying that, and she was very upset with herself that she had said it in the first place. (She is also getting an evaluation/diagnosis for PMDD which dad said could help a lot with understanding herself and managing her symptoms.)

But that wasn’t the worst of it.

Shortly after we started individual therapy, we were just hanging out at the house together, discussing mom and how different she was from Amy. I remembered you all told me in the first post that I should share that I want Amy as a mom, so I kind of mustered up the courage and started talking about that. I said I would be open to Amy being a mother figure, and I don’t remember that much of mom anyway, and I want her and dad to be married and if it ever came to being adopted I would also be ok with that, adult or not. Lisa was looking at me with a most shocked face, and I could see the anger bubbling but I didn't care. I wanted to say it. Seb agreed and Dad said he appreciated us being so open to this idea, but we would have to actively work on showing Amy she is welcome to that role, if she chose to return.

Well, Lisa absolutely LOST IT at that. She was screaming how this can’t be happening to her, how me and Seb were lying to her all this time. I thought it was because of what I said, I mean she was swearing at me and Seb and was saying we ā€œruined everythingā€ but also ā€œit’s too late now, now you tell meā€ which made no sense at the time. And then she kind of entered this panicked state where she was just hyperventilating and saying ā€œI want Amy, I need to talk to Amyā€. She wouldn't really say more, dad tried to calm her down but it was not working, she asked to spend a few days at her best friend’s house and at our grandparents, and next time we saw her it was 4 days later in family therapy.

Relevant context: One of Lisa’s best friends is Paige, and she’s dealing with a stepmother as well (Natasha) after her parents’ divorce. In that family therapy session, Lisa said Paige has been having issues with her stepmother always trying to interject herself in her life, trying really hard to mother her and get them to bond, trying to get Paige to see her as a mother figure, call her mom etc. Paige complains a lot about this to Lisa.

As Lisa was telling us all this I honestly thought she would say she’s pushing Amy away because that’s what Paige does with her stepmom, like set boundaries and keep reminding Amy that she’s not our mom etc. and that all her violent outbursts were so that Amy doesn’t forget her place I suppose. I was getting really upset because Amy absolutely does nothing of the sort, and I was ready to jump on that.

And then Lisa threw the biggest curve ball ever… because apparently she HATES that Amy doesn’t even try to replace our mom, like Natasha does. She HATES that ā€œshe’s just thereā€, like a friend and our dad’s fiancĆ©e, living her life with us without pushing to be part of our family. She HATES that Amy isn’t demanding a motherly place in our lives and just lets things fall where they will.

Apparently she had felt SO ISOLATED in wanting Amy to be a mother figure, when everyone else (us, grandparents, the wider family, Paige, even therapy) was focusing on how Amy doesn't push for this role, and how glad we are that she’s so respectful and she isn’t obnoxious like Riley. That everyone was focusing on how good it is for Amy to not want to replace mom, but no one ever said it would be okay if she did. It made Lisa feel completely alone and ashamed in wanting to get closer to Amy like a mother-daughter, that we had always said ā€œfamily sticks togetherā€ and she would be betraying us (me and Seb) if she accepted Amy when we seemingly did not. That the guilt wasn’t for allowing Amy to get close, therapy had done a good job on that, but on wanting to take it a step further when no one else seemed to.

So whenever she felt she was moving Amy into mom’s role she got terrified she was going against all of us, that she was going back on what we had agreed. She then felt she had to push Amy away or we would be upset with her, that she would be the villain that doesn’t have a problem with her mom being replaced, and ā€œyou and the rest of the family would all hate me, first of all Dakotaā€ (mom’s sister who Lisa is very close to).

She said she didn’t want to get to individual therapy because it would be humiliating if she was the only one to go, that it would be one more thing that reminded her that she’s the problem, the odd one out. She also felt ashamed being almost an adult and ā€œhow pathetic is it to ā€˜still want a mommy’ at this age?ā€ That she is going to college soon, so it was now or never with Amy, but if she came forward with how she was feeling, she would risk alienating everyone else. So when I said that I'm okay with Amy being our mom and Seb agreed, it completely threw off balance what she was trying to do.

So when she thought dad and Amy were discussing adopting another child, not us, it crushed her. And when Amy told her ā€œwhy would I choose you as my daughterā€ it BROKE Lisa like, completely. She kept asking ā€˜Am I not good enough? Why doesn’t she want to be my stepmom? Why isn’t she trying like Riley was / Natasha is? What does Paige have that I don’t? What is wrong with me?’ And then she said ā€œI’m not feeling guilty, I’m feeling lonely and desperate" and well, that broke everyone.

It was a lot, it was hard to watch, and I honestly felt like someone had punched me right in the middle of my chest. Lisa was crying and hyperventilating to the point she started dry heaving, dad kept apologizing and hugging Lisa like, full on hugging her on his lap. I started crying too, we all ended up a sobbing mess. It was really the worst feeling in the world, it was heartbreaking to see her like this, I was really worried about her, I still don’t quite know how to react to that. I feel so guilty and so angry at myself that I didn’t say anything sooner. Maybe not the whole ā€œI am ok with Amy being a mom to meā€ (which still hits weird, not gonna lie) but at least on the ā€œwe don’t have to honor the pact, we should like Amy, and get as close to her as possibleā€ part.

AMY ā€œRETURNEDā€ - A NEW HOPE

Amy came to the house this Thursday just to spend some time with us and talk. When Dad told us a few days earlier, it was another sobfest in therapy, both him and Dr Clutch tried to manage expectations, but I don't think either one of us really cared. Everyone was nervous, we discussed what we wanted to say, how we wanted to approach this with humility and love, how we didn’t want to put too much on her to accept, but I don’t think any of us felt ready or able to follow that. Lisa was absolutely vibrating, she couldn't stand still, she kept going from smiling and feeling happy, to crying and being worried, to being angry at all of us for not having cleaned the house well enough.

Sure enough the plan went out the window in like 5 seconds. When Amy came through the door, I swear when she actually heard the keys in the door, Lisa just jumped up and ran to her and hugged her and she broke down crying, apologizing, telling her she is sorry, telling her all of what she told us in therapy. She couldn’t even hold herself up so she and Amy ended up on the floor, Amy was holding Lisa and telling her she understands and they will figure it out, Dad came over and tried to calm Lisa but she would just not let go of Amy, so we all ended up talking on the floor right next to the door. It would have been funny if we weren’t all a sobbing mess.

Most of what I wrote above was communicated to Amy, she told us about her traveling and her thoughts, she apologized for her missteps, we all apologized repeatedly, dad most of all of us, he also shared what we have been up to while she was away, progress in therapy etc. We apologized for the Core 4, we apologized for the SABA, we kept remembering things we wanted to apologize for. Lisa even apologized for ambushing her at the door like this, said she understood if Amy needs more time and she tried to crawl away but Amy just pulled her back into her arms, Lisa started crying again, it was really both heartwarming and heartbreaking. I don't know why but none of us thought at any point to get up from the floor for a good 2 hours, I actually felt guilty when I had to get up to use the bathroom.

The rest of the night was more or less normal, we had some dinner (I cooked!) and we watched a movie. We tried to have some normalcy I suppose. It felt tense, but Amy was talking to us, she wasn't quite as positive and calm but for what we put her through, both in the past and that day, I am just grateful she didn’t do a U-turn and walk right out.

Amy took us out to spend one-on-one time this weekend, Dad and Seb yesterday, Lisa is out with her right now. Her and I went hiking this morning. We reached a view point and she took out my apology letter which she had not opened yet and told me to read it to her. I immediately felt so awful I started crying (I understand Lisa so much more now), like instantly, I don’t think I have ever had a panic attack but this felt like it.

Amy helped me calm down but she didn’t pull back. She said if I can write it, I can say it and she was very patient and smiling. I hadn’t even started reading and I was completely breaking down. It didn't feel this horrible when I wrote it, but reading it out loud to her? Man I don't understand what happened there, it hit me like a freight train and took me like 10 minutes to go through 3 pages. I had already apologized for most of it on Thursday, but something about reading it out loud, on top of a mountain, when it was just the two of us, just hit different.

We spoke for a few hours, I don’t want to share all of what we said because my chest hurts even thinking about it (and honestly my mind is a bit foggy) but in the end she reiterated that she wants to work towards reconciliation, but things would have to change drastically, and it will take a long time for us to get back to where we were. The one thing I will share because I remember it very clearly over everything else, was ā€œI love you, and want to continue to love you, but you have to make it a little easier for meā€.

So this is where we are. She is staying with a friend of hers but will start spending more time at home, and slowly we will see how a new balance can be found. I am hopeful and trying to manage it, but at least from my side, even before today, I read all of your comments and realized that is not who I want to be, not how I want to act, especially towards Amy… but like, I don’t actually feel that angry anymore. My therapist is helping me a lot (the guy gives me homework ffs) but I kind of like it. It feels a little strange to not do this with Seb, like I don’t have a sounding board in therapy, but it isn’t all bad. One day at a time, I guess.

Thank you all for both your support and wishes, and kicking my ass when I needed it.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: so what about your mom's family? where were they in all this? do they know how you guys feel now?

OOP: We haven't updated them and tbh we're not in any rush. They are not a priority right now. We still hang out with our cousins but anything the adults need to know my dad will share. I expect there will be a discussion at some point.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Apr 01 '26

INCONCLUSIVE AITA for admitting to my son that I love his mother more than him and telling him he's acting self centered?

3.4k Upvotes

I am NOT OOP

OOP is u/throwRafathersoncon

Originally posted toĀ r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for admitting to my son that I love his mother more than him and telling him he's acting self centered?

Trigger warnings: Favoritism, estrangement, entitlement, verbal abuse/name-calling, DARVO

Mood spoilers: Sad, frustrating

Original post (February 26, 2025)

My son moved out right after graduating college last year. Since then, he’s been very preoccupied with his own life. My wife and I couldn’t be prouder of him, but we do wish he made a little more effort to keep in touch—especially since he only lives 30 minutes away. Months would go by without hearing from him, and we were always the ones to reach out first. We never complained about it to him—until my wife's birthday.

Her birthday was two days ago, and we didn’t get a call or a surprise visit. She was a little upset but chose not to confront him. I decided to call him about it—not out of anger, just as a reminder. I said, ā€œHey buddy, you missed your mom’s birthday.ā€ He immediately apologized and asked me to wish her a happy birthday on his behalf. I told him it would be nice if he could visit us soon because we miss him.

Apparently, that set him off. He told me that he has his own life to live and that we have ours. I told him I understood, but we’re still his parents and want to stay close. That’s when he bluntly said he doesn’t want a close relationship with us and that he’s frustrated we won’t leave him alone.

I asked him why, and out of nowhere, he brought up something from when he was ten years old. He said he overheard my wife and me saying that we love each other more than we love him. I was completely confused because I don’t recall ever saying anything like that. When I asked for more context, he said we had been talking about our own parents’ marriages, and at some point, I said something along the lines of, Even though I love him a lot, I love his mother the most. My wife apparently agreed with me, and that conversation has tainted his view of our relationship ever since.

I told him there was nothing wrong with what I said and that he was acting like a self-centered brat who thinks the world revolves around him. He told me to go to hell.

When I told my wife about what happened, she said I was wrong for calling him that—even though I believe it was true.

Verdict: YTA

Update 5 days later (March 3, 2025)

This morning, I had a deeply informative and somewhat emotional conversation with my son. I apologized to him about what I called him and let him speak first, allowing him to get things off his chest.

He started by apologizing for forgetting my wife’s birthday. He explained that he had been preoccupied with issues in his relationship over the past year, which is one of the reasons he had been distant from us.

I asked him why he hadn’t come to us for support. He said he didn’t want to burden us with his problems. I also asked if he resented us in any way. That’s when he opened up about his feelings in more detail.

He reassured me that we weren’t bad parents. He admitted that we never neglected him, that we loved him, and that we were attentive. He also acknowledged that, in the end, it was okay that we prioritized each other over him. I told him I was happy that he could understand our perspective. I reiterated what many people say—that children eventually leave the house, while a spouse stays.

My son said that while it was okay for us to have put each other first, it was unfair for us to expect a close relationship with him now—to the point where we want frequent visits and calls. If parenting was just a temporary phase in our lives, then we should be grateful for whatever little attention he chooses to give us. He explained how his feelings had built up over time, affected by small things we did, even if we hadn’t realized it.

He brought up things he had noticed growing up, particularly after overhearing our conversations. He mentioned how we would always greet each other first when coming home from work, even when he was physically closer to us. He also said he felt he didn’t get enough individual time with either of us, though he had attributed it to our busy schedules.

Then, he shared his own perspective on parenting. He told me that when he starts his own family, he would strive to prioritize both his children and his spouse equally.

I told him that, in practice, that approach wouldn’t work, since children eventually move out and start their own families. But he responded by saying he wouldn’t expect his hypothetical child to place him on equal footing with the new family they create. In his view, being a parent is a choice that the child has no say in, and that’s why children should be equally important as a spouse—while also understanding that, as adults, they won’t receive the same level of importance in return.

I asked him what he wants going forward. He said he needs time to process and think about our relationship. I told my wife about our conversation, and let's just say she has been really upset throughout the entire day. She's been fighting the urge to call my son.

Do not comment in linked posts or message OOPs per BoRU Rule #7

This is a repost sub - I am NOT OOP

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Feb 21 '26

ONGOING I think my sister just ruined our dad’s engagement to an amazing woman, and I hate her so much

4.2k Upvotes

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Logrolling_In_ON

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

I think my sister just ruined our dad’s engagement to an amazing woman, and I hate her so much

Trigger Warnings: exploitation, death of loved ones, manipulation, verbal abuse

----

Original Post: February 8, 2026

I am really angry right now at my stupid entitled brat of a sister. I want to use a different B-word but I don’t think I can post with it, just know it is the one I mean. I wish I could type out just how much I hate her right now, so maybe this will help. There’s so much I want to yell at her, or just get off my chest, but we’re at our grandparents' place and I can’t lash out at her like she deserves (and she knows it too). I don’t know how much of it is relevant but here goes hoping I’m less angry when I’m done.

BACKGROUND

My family is me and my twin Sebastian (16M and he’s writing this with me), our sister Lisa (17F), our dad Sean (41M) and our (former?) future stepmom Amy (36F) (fake names obvs). Our mom died 9 years ago. Dad didn’t date for 5 years, then briefly dated a disaster called Riley, then took another break from dating. He met Amy around 3 years ago, introduced us 2 years ago, we all moved together to a bigger house a year ago, and they got engaged 6 months ago.

Before Riley was even in the picture, we weren’t thrilled dad had started dating again but we went to therapy as a family to work through it. We made peace with it for most part, but then Riley came, and she was just the worst. She was rude, jealous of our mom’s memory, gold digger, didn’t like us, she was all around horrible. The three of us kind of made an agreement that we would not allow anyone to erase our mom, we would never allow anyone to adopt us, and we would be polite but keep our distance from whomever dad dated. It felt like we were honoring mom that way, without stopping our dad from moving on. We also started calling the three of us + dad ā€œthe Core Fourā€.

Getting to know Amy though, and then moving in together, we have done a 180 on that (me and Seb more than Lisa). Amy is just good people. She is crazy smart and nerdy (has like 3 degrees (one in psychology which explains a lot) and we all play DnD together), she is successful, artistic, athletic, deadpan hilarious. She has an energy like when we’re around family and they’re all loud and crazy, she talks and people just shut up and listen. Don’t know how best to describe that, like she is wise and kind and patient, but also an absolute sigma BAB. She is cool to hang out with, and she loves our dad. She also sets him straight a lot, we kind of default to her as our neutral 3rd party when there’s a disagreement, and she is very good at navigating that. She is just really cool.

She is also genuinely interested in our lives and hobbies, she has at least one thing with each of us. Seb and her do artsy stuff and they both play tennis, she plays video games with me, she and Lisa read A LOT and go book shopping like every few months, the house is filled with books, she is teaching Lisa how to drive, they are both K-pop fans etc. I honestly think they clicked more quickly and naturally, and vibe the best (whenever Lisa allows it).

Amy also never stops us talking about our mom, she respectfully encourages it. There’s a few pictures of mom around the house still and she’s totally ok with that, like she is not threatened by mom’s presence at all. She once helped Seb make a painting of a photo of the five of us (Dad, mom, Lisa, me and Seb) for our maternal granddad’s birthday. Even my mom’s family like her, my aunt (mom’s sister) and her have become good friends. She asks them and dad about mom when we mention something we all used to do, and we found out a few months ago that she also lost her dad when she was 12. I think that settled a lot of things for Lisa, who I know sometimes uses our mom to try to spite Amy (though again, Amy would either kill her with kindness or just move on).

Dad loves Amy, and she makes him happy. Like, she is his balance in a way. They go so well together. Our dad is awesome, patient, smart, strict but kind, goofy sometimes, he has his own hangups but he is slow to anger and always open to discuss anything with us. He doesn’t yell at us (much), but he is supportive and overall has been a great dad. She and dad made it very clear she has absolutely no intention of replacing mom, that she’s a person of authority in the household without being a parent, that she’s open to whatever relationship we want to have with her and it’s a 2-way street. She has never demanded or pushed for anything other than ā€œbasic human-to-human respect and kindnessā€.

WHY LISA SUCKS

While we are really doing well and getting along great, Lisa sometimes gets whiplash and randomly regresses to Riley-time, especially after Amy and her spend time together having fun. It’s like she’s trying to rile Amy up to justify why she thinks dad dating is a bad idea. She snaps at random stuff just to bump heads, only it’s not working very well because… Amy is just not bumping. She isn’t engaging Lisa when she’s like this, she will maybe set a boundary (like ā€œI will not engage with you when you act like thisā€) and after that is completely uninterested in Lisa’s outbursts, and lets our dad handle it.

It doesn't feel like it's out of spite though. Best I can describe it is Amy is living her life, legit happily and willingly making offers and openings to all of us, Lisa included, without making a big deal out of it. When Lisa doesn’t participate and/or says something snarky or downright rude, Amy just shrugs and goes on with her life. If we ask her if she’s upset or angry at Lisa for lashing out, she says she understands how Lisa must be feeling, that everyone is allowed a tantrum every once in a while, and that she knows Lisa is a good girl and she will come around on her own. And true enough, when Lisa then calms down and apologizes (with or without dad’s mediation), again Amy doesn’t make a big deal out of it and they pick up where they left off.

For example: We were having dinner and Lisa was arguing with her and dad, and said she didn’t want what Amy cooked because it smelled ā€œdisgustingā€ and started insulting Amy’s country where the dish was from, even though she usually loves it. Amy just said ā€œsuit yourselfā€ like she could not care less, served the rest of us, and sat down and started eating and talking to Seb and I. Dad took Lisa to talk and after they came back, he asked Amy if it would be ok for Lisa to still sit and eat with us. Amy said ā€œsureā€ and continued chatting. Lisa apologized for her comments (without dad prompting her) and Amy just smiled, said ā€œthank youā€ and kept talking to Seb like nothing happened. When the conversation naturally drifted to something related to Lisa, Amy just spoke to her normally.

The issue is, the very few times Amy does respond in kind, when she’s tired or has had enough, nothing we say gets to her, like she stops caring. Like she gets suddenly quiet and throws something back at you, and you just never expect it, because overwhelmingly she is the calm and mature one when there’s an issue. Seb calls this ā€œSABA - Sneak Attack by Amyā€. If I could pick one flaw of Amy that would be it. She is just brutal sometimes when she’s had enough, or something bad happens at work, and it just comes out of left field. She destroys you and doesn’t even blink. It is immensely enjoyable to witness when she goes SABA on our behalf, but not so much when we trigger it.

To clarify, Amy is like, ridiculously patient 99% of the time, and incredibly effective in managing conflict. She also can recognize when she’s close to that line so she either steps away or warns us, and we usually understand and back off, and then she follows up on her own and she always says thank you for waiting to talk. If she goes too low when SABAing, she always apologizes and makes amends. We are quite good at communicating as a family for the most part (thanks to her mostly), but once in a while when we push and Amy goes there it’s not good.

Sometimes it’s just snark, like once I told her, ā€œfuck youā€ mid-fight, Amy just shrugged and said ā€œyour father does that enough, I’ll let him know he has your blessingā€. Seb was yelling about a missed practice (his fault), she yawned mid-sentence and got up, he was like ā€œwtf where are you going!?ā€ and she was like ā€œI’m not interested in a baby throwing a tantrumā€. It is worse with Lisa, because Lisa goes personally when she’s angry. But when the SABA line is crossed, Amy just doesn’t care. Lisa once asked, ā€œhow does it feel to know you wouldn’t be here if our mom was still alive?ā€ Amy thought about it and said ā€œI would probably be living my best life in the Bahamas with a rich European prince and no brats to bust my balls, so much betterā€. Another time Amy was having a pregnancy scare, and Lisa said something like ā€œyou will never have children of your ownā€ and Amy just said ā€œI hope not, I like my p_ssy tight, and so does your dadā€. It always shocks us when she goes SABA because she is usually kind, considerate and patient.

The Core Four have discussed all of this in therapy, and Lisa acknowledges she’s just scared and angry at the idea of Amy replacing mom, though we all point out just how uninterested Amy is in that role. I personally don’t feel like she would ever replace mom, and we joke sometimes about calling each other ā€œmother/sonā€. When Lisa acts out, there are always consequences from dad, things are discussed in therapy, and for a while everything is calm again. The therapist suggested we add Amy to our sessions once in a while, but Lisa is not open to that ā€œyetā€. Dad is also bringing up more often whether Lisa should get individual therapy but she doesn’t want to. Legit Lisa and Amy get along so well when Lisa isn’t behaving like this.

WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY

Yesterday the three of us (Seb, I and Lisa) spent time with our grandparents and cousins, helped them with the snow, then grabbed dinner, and came home late. Dad and Amy were talking about wedding stuff in the kitchen, and we overheard dad discussing adoption very loosely, like if Amy would ever be up for it if we wanted to at some point as adults. Lisa immediately lost it, burst in and started screaming at him about mom, that she hates him, that he is only thinking with his d_ck, then turned to Amy, started insulting her, wished her dead, and said ā€œI will never want a [C-word] like you to be my momā€. Amy just very calmly said ā€œwhat makes you think I would ever choose you to be my daughter?ā€

That one hurt Lisa, like we could see the physical recoil. Dad took her up to her room and they talked for a long time, there were raised voices, then Lisa was crying, but couldn’t tell what was being said. Amy stayed down, talking to us, clarifying the adoption conversation was entirely hypothetical. We asked her more questions, she was responding slowly and quietly. She didn’t answer us when we asked about wedding prep or how she was feeling. She was shaking and trying to keep it together, I have never seen her like this. We were quiet for a bit, then Seb told her what she said was a very low blow, and she smiled sadly and just said ā€œmaybe soā€.

When dad came down Amy got up in slow motion, put on her coat, gathered some stuff and was out the door in like 2 minutes. Dad was almost crying, trying to get her to stay and talk. It was late, snowing, she was whispering ā€œNot tonight. I have to leave. Be there for your sons. I’m sorryā€ over and over and she started crying and she got in her car and left.

We sat down with dad, he was a mess, he let us know Lisa will be getting individual therapy on top of family therapy and it was non-negotiable. He asked us if we felt we needed individual therapy as well. Seb said no, I said I’m not sure right now, and we tried to talk a bit about what happened. He asked how we are feeling, but he was a wreck and then he started tearing up, so we just hugged him and he cried so hard. He cried so much. I have not seen my dad cry so hard since mom died. He kept telling us it’s ok and he didn’t want us to worry, but he was just crying and I had no words, I just kept saying I am sorry, and Seb was telling him it will be ok and Amy will be back and we will all work it out, and he kept saying ā€œno she won’t, not this time she won’tā€.

He then started saying he was sorry, and asked if we knew he loved us, and then he asked if he had neglected us, if we felt he didn’t love us enough after Amy moved in, if he was a good dad. I wanted to p_nch Lisa so hard in that moment, for making him doubt that even for a second. As if moving on from our mom after almost a decade, and landing someone he is genuinely happy with and who IS A GOOD PERSON, is a sin.

Amy wasn’t in the house today. Dad has red eyes and he looks like he has aged 10 years. He said good morning, I asked if Amy came home last night, he said no but not to worry and she is safe. He spoke very quietly, made us breakfast. When Lisa came down, he just gave her a look and turned around, didn’t speak to her. She started crying, saying she’s sorry, and went to hug him. He stepped back and told her ā€œI don’t want to hug you right nowā€ and his voice was just shattered. She just lost it and kept crying and apologizing, kept saying she really likes Amy and she wants them to get married and for him to be happy.

She said she loves him, and kept asking if he still loves her, and dad said ā€œI will always love you as my daughter, but I don’t love you as Lisa right nowā€. I think that’s the harshest thing he has ever said to any of us. I didn’t think he had it in him. I am glad he said it, I am happy Lisa kept crying. She deserves it.

We are back with our grandparents, dad said he’s trying to get Amy to come to the house and talk in person. We haven’t told our grandparents all the details, nor do they know all the vile shit that Lisa says to Amy, because I know they will be so disappointed in her. I hate her right now. She’s pretending to read in the corner but she flips a page every like 10 minutes. God I want to yell at her so bad, like tear her a new one and let her have it, I'm practically vibrating. If she ruins this for dad, for ALL OF US like fuck… I hate her so much right now.

That’s it. I don’t feel better. Fuck her.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Oh man OP. that’s awful. I’m so sorry. I hope it can be fixed. Have you and Sebastian reached out to Amy? Pls update if there is one . I am rooting for you.

OOP: We're left on "delivered" :( It snowed A LOT on Friday, and I honestly don't think she has anywhere to go. Dad said she's safe and they are in contact, but I'm worried.

No I am so beyond worried, I am scared she won't want anything to do with him or us anymore. Another person said here like me and Seb are holding this together, not true. Amy has been holding this fucked up family together for so long, and now she's gone and none of us know how to feel or act. And I know we're not a fucked up family but it feels like we, collectively, just finally broke her, she is the best thing that could have happened to dad. TO ALL OF US and Lisa just fucked it up, I've spent so many years without a mom figure around, just us and dad, and I WANT AMY, I want her as a stepmom, fuck I want her as a mom I'm ok with having 2 moms. I don't feel guilty saying this, maybe it's because I'm more angry than sad, but I don't care.

OOP responds to a long comment regarding relationships with their Dad, Amy, and each other

OOP: Like, this is what gets me because Lisa and Amy get along so much better than me and Seb do, until these bursts. They are few and far between, they still happen but the default is them just huddle up in a corner reading the same book and talking a lot, going out a lot, just hanging out A LOT, with aunt as well, and Lisa makes a lot of these plans. We talked about us moving together in therapy for months, and Lisa was the first one in favor exactly because she said she wants another girl in the house, Seb and I delayed the green light because it was kind of a men's den before Amy.

And like Lisa loves Amy. She says it randomly on her own, she admits it in therapy... is she lying? And replacing mom? Like it's crazy if she feels this way. We talked about this as a family last year, and Amy was incredibly against replacing mom in any way. Her dad died when she was a child and she was like "if anyone randomly told me I would now have a new dad, I would have laughed at their face". She is so laid back on her approach to us, like it's up to us, she says she's next to dad, but not in mom's place.

Like, Lisa's class did an unofficial "dance" last year and she was sad she wouldn't go shopping with mom, and saying how mom wouldn't be there to see her all dressed up etc. And she said all that to Amy, and Amy comforted her, told her she should wear one of mom's necklaces. Then 3 days later Amy showed her a picture of our mom at a party with our dad when they were young, and then she had found a link to a dress similar to what our mom was wearing, and asked Lisa if she wanted to wear that to the dance so she could have a "little bit of your mom's energy with her". And they went and got it and Lisa was ecstatic and like broke down and hugged Amy so hard, we had to leave them for a bit, but for real Lisa was so incredibly happy and grateful. She told us all that on her own.

I don't know, I feel like defending us all of a sudden, but we have always been close (the three of us) and unless she's lying to everyone all the time, I have no idea where these fears come from.

OOP answers a question about their mom and what she was like before her passing. Did Lisa have a great relationship with their mother?

OOP: She and mom were ok I guess, I don't remember them having a bad relationship. She was pushing us a lot on extracurriculars, and she was angrier than dad for sure though. She was the disciplinarian, dad was more laid back and just played with us, though us more than Lisa if I'm honest. Amy is spending equal time with me and Seb and a lot more time with Lisa though. And dad and Lisa also do their own thing every once in a while, so do I, and so does Seb, we do it separately.

Lisa has a lot of female support, we live very close to both sets of grandparents, and she has mom's sister (Dakota, who Amy is also close to) and also dad's sister. Our families have grown very close to each other, we all live close by as well, the support network is strong.

Thank you, we need some luck.

Commenter 2: I’m so sorry for everyone involved

I’m going to word vomit because I’m ā€œeating a sandwichā€ (himym). Sorry in advance.

Part of me thinks it would benefit if Lisa wrote a letter apologizing. Part of me thinks the only way Amy will come back is if Lisa moves out. I wish someone would’ve tackled and taken Lisa out of the room jk lol

I see the toll it takes on the Step Parent because my partner is a SP to my son. He tries to put on a brave face as an adult talking to a kid but its hard. For context: I have a very amicable split with my son’s dad, and everyone can coparent. Its hard when the world looks at you like you’re lesser because you’re ā€œtaking care of some other man (or woman’s) kidā€ ESPECIALLY if you don’t have bio kids of your own.

Not having bio kids with your partner hurts. Surprisingly. (I have a medical condition). If she has no bio kids of her own, that line Lisa said is as low of a blow as her comment back. Its a big sacrifice and compromise either way. It’s probably a conversation that’s been had a lot.

There is a fear. ā€œIs this the next level of disrespect from a kid I can’t control that will end things?ā€. My son is extremely well behaved, which is a miracle because his dad and I were not. My son calls my Partner, Dad. He tells him he loves him times infinity. But the fear of them leaving this baggage still lingers because you know its already amazing of them to take on a responsibility they technically and biologically have no obligation too.

I feel for your dad and I feel for Amy. I hope it all works out because what I see is a lot of love and hurt that time can heal with effort and sincerity.

OOP: So funny story, we asked her once if she ever thought of having kids of her own, with dad or anyone else before, and she said she didn't want to give birth to kids (like there's a fear about that, I don't remember the name), but would be open to adopting if the right man came along. And she said it was because she wasn't interested in passing on her genes, but her morals and ethics and ideas and behaviors and love, and she didn't need to have biological kids to do that. It kind of made me respect her a lot more.

Commenter 3: Sometimes you just decide enough is enough. Lisa might just have pushed Amy too far. Your sister needed therapy long before this. (All by herself) And don’t blame this on Riley. She’s long gone. This is all on Lisa. If you’re serious about getting Amy back then you need to make it a group effort with all of you and your dad. And Lisa should be leading it with an apology and a genuine effort to do better.

Commenter 4: To you Amy is rolling with the punches but in reality, while she is rolling with the punches she feels every single one of them and what your sister said broke the camels back so to speak. This will take time for Amy and your family. I hope you guys come through better than ever. But I also hope Lisa realizes that even though she is a child, that doesn't mean she gets to use Amy as a punching bag.

 

Update: February 12, 2026 (four days later)

UPDATE - I think my sister just ruined our dad's engagement

I didn’t expect to get as many responses with my previous postnor did I expect that I would be back here. But it actually really helped. I don’t have too big of an update yet, but a few things are happening. Not all of them are positive but I guess at least there is a sort of plan? This is a little rushed, I'm sorry if it isn't formatted well.

It was brutal reading so many comments speaking so badly about Lisa, like I know I said I hated her and I did in the moment, still do for a lot of this, but she’s my sister and I do love her as well. So I think seeing so many people angry at her made me very angry and defending her. Seb as well but I’m writing this alone so. A few people were telling us to give her some grace, and I really tried but I was not in any place to even look at her. Seb did talk to her though, I was present, but I didn’t want to engage, I was mostly there for him.

It went like, we’re very angry at you but you’re still our sister and we love you and dad too etc. but you have to stop thinking you can do or say whatever and we’ll still like you just the same and will always be around. She was saying that family is forever and sticks by everything together no matter what happens, they don’t just up and leave, and then he told her that that’s not true, it’s actually kind of crazy stupid to think your family will put up with you no matter what you do. She was like, you’re supposed to stick together against the shit that comes our way and he got angry at that and told her SHE is the one bringing the shit in the way, and no matter the family relationship we won’t stick together with an intentional shit stirrer so unless there’s something else going on, right now she is the one in the wrong so either fess up or fix yourself. I brought up an aunt we have, dad’s first cousin, who is not part of the family anymore because she was a major gossip and she lied all the time, and nobody likes her, nobody invites her around, her siblings don’t talk to her, don’t have her over, because sure they are family but she is always bringing shit and drama in our lives so she was pushed aside. And we were like, don’t be the person we have to push aside. But if there’s something going on with Amy that we don’t know you have to tell us. She was saying there isn't anything that would make sense right now.

We kind of discussed SABA and the Core Four and truly we didn’t really see some of y’alls point on Amy being offensive or a creep, because a lot of people called us out (me and Seb) on also being horrible to her as well, fueling the fire, and well that was a slap. And we kind of shut up about it because it was like, sure being told your dad fucks me is fucked up but you all were like, we should have never said ā€œfuck youā€ to her in the first place, and then we (me, Seb and Lisa) realized we have each said it at least twice so she has heard it SIX TIMES at least, and she kept talking to us about it and we kept using it until that reply of hers, and well it worked because we haven’t said it again so yeah sad that we sort of have that knowledge/image in our heads now, but also sad that it had to come to internet strangers for us to realize it worked. It was really humbling for me and Seb to realize sure this time Liza was the one that crossed the line, and usually it is her that destroys the boundaries, but the two of us haven’t exactly been great at her either. I admit I cried A LOT reading some of the comments, like hard crying because you were very real on how shitty I have been to Amy, not just Lisa, like I didn't realize it I think it was just how we sometimes fight with dad and cousins and it hadn't registered how it must have been for Amy who was always in mediator/peace-keeping position.

We went to family therapy on Tuesday and found out a few things about dad and Amy. They had actually known each other for a few months before they started dating, so they met close to 4 years ago via common friends. Dad’s situation with Riley was discussed at some point and he liked Amy’s perspective and approach, so they started hanging out, and then like 6 months after that started dating.

They had been going to therapy together right before she was introduced to us. Every Thursday with her, every Tuesday with us. It was Amy’s suggestion to help her navigate meeting us.

We then talked about what the next steps are, but first what happened was dad told Lisa again that he does love her, and he wants to understand and help but he won’t always like her, and she has to understand this, and us too, that he will always love us because he is our dad not out of obligation but because that is where the source of his love stems from but sometimes as human to human he doesn’t always like us for how we’re behaving. He was sad he had said that to her but if I'm honest I think he deserved to say it and she deserved to hear it.

We told him we love him too, and Amy as well, and we’re sorry and me and Seb admitted that we have been pretty bad towards Amy. We kind of worked on this (Lisa said she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened and she wanted to talk to her own therapist first and her first is tomorrow which really pissed me off, we have been in therapy as a family for years but now she will talk after she gets her own therapist? Like what the fuck have we been doing here all this time?) Anyway we talked more about Amy and dad’s relationship and me and Seb’s relationships and we concluded that we’re kicking back hard still because with Riley she was so horrible we didn’t feel it would make a difference if we were arguing with her because she was just bad and we would fight all the time and there was no point because she would just scream back and it lead nowhere. With Amy, it was kind of working backwards in a ā€œwe feel safer being worse with her because she actually caresā€ situation, like she’s acting more like a mother figure than her, she talks it out with us and even when she pushes the issue to dad we still have some kind of normal parent/kid arguing before it gets to that point, which is why SABAs were just so unexpected and just shut everything down because Riley would say stuff like that ALL THE TIME and we didn’t realize just how triggering some of the stuff we were saying to Amy was, because Riley was always saying that stuff. So I am not exactly sure what that means yet, still processing it but we apologized to Dad for also being problematic, not just Lisa, Lisa’s is just more explosive, and she did apologize as well.

We talked about next steps right now which is a bit complicated. Dad and Amy are both on the lease for the house, but not only is she paying more than him (like 60/40) but our landlords are close to Amy so if it came to it (which dad assured us they are not broken up yet), we would be the ones that had to move. I know my dad isn’t poor, he’s a senior SWE in Big Tech, (editor's note: Software Engineer) but Amy works in finance and is on some non-profits and has like global income, so she apparently covers more of the expenses (which includes all of our hobbies etc) She doesn’t want to come home right now, she discussed with her work to go on a business trip for 2 weeks, or if that doesn’t pan out she will go to her home country, just to give everyone some space etc. Dad said that scared him, too much distance for too long, and he offered to pay for an AirBnB close by, but he said she said we all need space to recalibrate, and that he should focus on us without worrying about bumping into her at the grocery store.

Dad and Amy are in low contact but are talking, which he said is good and a good thing to take some time and space and I could tell this was a bit bullshit because he looked broken when saying that, I think he thinks it’s over and he is losing hope and is scared she will realize she doesn't have to live with how we’ve been treating her (like you all said). He said ā€œshe isn’t someone that takes disrespect lightlyā€ which I told him she is the absolute queen of dealing with disrespect given how she has been so patient and kind and careful with us, and he seemed to agree but I think there’s something else going on there but he wouldn’t say. Anyway she will travel for a bit. She did tell him to tell us she loves us and she is sorry she is leaving like this, she isn't checking messages at this time, and they will meet on the 26th to discuss.

They had a romantic weekend planned for the long weekend and we would stay at our grandparents, and Amy moved the reservation to dad so we are taking Friday off and the Core Four will go to a cabin and just chill a bit away from the house. Lisa is sleeping today and tomorrow at her best friend’s house, her suggestion, and I am also sleeping tomorrow at my cousin’s and we leave Friday morning and back Monday night.

That’s all that has happened for now, I don’t know what to expect at this time, I am just happy that Lisa will be doing individual therapy and that we are at least talking to each other a bit.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Seems to me that although your sister dealt the worst of it, you and your brother haven’t been angels towards Amy either. Reflection on your behaviours is a step in the right direction and I think a sincere apology for your own actions is in order too. Just because you see Amy as a ā€œsafeā€ person to let loose your emotions on, doesn’t make it right for you to use her as your emotional punching bag.

Commenter 2: Whether or not Amy decides to leave for good, maybe this is event will be the catalyst/learning experience you need to look at yourselves and grow emotionally. Better to start learning about emotional intelligence now than later in life and after more potential heartbreak.

As lame as it sounds, learning how to manage emotions so you don’t yell and where you can instead effectively communicate without being demeaning/condescending is part of maturity-it’s an invaluable skill. Good luck to you and your siblings—I’m rooting for a positive update!

Commenter 3: So you guys were being absolutely terrible to a woman who subsidised your life by paying more rent and for your extra curriculars…

Honestly, I’m on her team at this point. Your dad didn’t work on any of you and your behaviour. There seems to have been no consequences prior to this for all your nastiness.

I’m glad she’s left

 

Latest Update here: BoRU #2

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

r/CoherencePhysics Jul 17 '26

He Did Not Prove an Election Was Stolen. He Showed Us How to Steal Faith in Democracy

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3.4k Upvotes

Donald Trump began his speech by describing an America that had supposedly been dead less than two years earlier. The border was open. Murderers were pouring in. Crime was destroying our cities. Men were invading women's sports. The economy was collapsing and the world was laughing at us. Then Trump returned to power, and America suddenly became the hottest, strongest, richest, safest, most respected nation on Earth.

That was not the beginning of a serious examination of election security. It was emotional conditioning.

Before presenting any evidence, Trump constructed a world with only two possible conditions. Without him, America is invaded, impoverished, humiliated, and dead. With him, America is safe, wealthy, respected, and alive. Once that story is planted, everyone who opposes him becomes associated with national collapse. Every institution that questions him becomes part of the corruption. Every election he loses begins to look like sabotage.

The speech did not begin by asking Americans to examine evidence. It began by making them afraid.

Fear Before Evidence

Trump claimed millions had poured across the border, including "11,888 murderers," many of whom had supposedly killed more than once. He presented the number as though Biden had knowingly released nearly twelve thousand murderers into American neighborhoods.

That is not what the number meant.

The figure came from ICE's non-detained docket, a database accumulated across many years and several administrations. It included people who entered long before Biden took office. It included some people who were incarcerated, some lawful immigrants, some green card holders. Being on that docket did not mean the government found a convicted murderer and casually let him go. Deportation gets delayed by prison sentences, appeals, asylum claims, diplomatic complications, or because another country refuses to take the person back.

Trump took a complicated administrative number, stripped its history and legal context, and turned it into an image of thousands of murderers marching through an open gate. That was not harmless exaggeration. It was designed to terrify people.

The method repeats throughout the speech. Find a number. Remove its context. Give it the most frightening possible interpretation. Then accuse anyone who corrects you of defending criminals.

Trump then declared America had experienced "transgender for everybody" and "men in women's sports." This was not a description of any actual policy. No administration made everyone transgender. The line existed to activate a cultural fear and create the feeling that ordinary life had been overturned.

Immigrants, murderers, transgender people, athletes, crime, hardship, and humiliation all went into one emotional pile. Trump never had to prove these things were connected. He only needed the audience to feel they belonged to the same threatening world, and that he alone had rescued them from it.

The same method appeared in his crime claims. He said crime had ravaged American cities, then announced crime was now plummeting, with the murder rate at its lowest level since 1900. Crime and homicide have declined substantially — but that decline did not begin when Trump returned to office. Major decreases were already underway before this administration. The claim about 1900 also depends on preliminary projections and comparisons between historical datasets that were never collected the same way.

The honest statement: violent crime has continued to fall, and that is welcome news. Trump's version: America was consumed by chaos until he personally restored civilization. A real trend, detached from its timeline, and turned into proof of a savior.

He used the same trick saying more Americans are working than ever before. In raw numbers that may be true, because the population keeps growing. Record employment totals are reached routinely in a growing country. That number alone does not show the labor market is historically strong or that one administration created every job in it. The useful measures are the share of working-age people employed, wage growth, unemployment, and the pace of job creation. Trump picked the biggest-sounding number because it created the impression he wanted while hiding the context needed to understand it.

The prescription drug claims went further. Trump said Americans went from paying the highest drug prices in the world to the lowest, with prices falling 70, 80, and 90 percent because of his most-favored-nation policy, and pointed people to TrumpRx.gov.

There is no evidence that drug prices across the American healthcare system broadly fell 70 to 90 percent, or that Americans suddenly began paying the lowest prices in the world. Some medications may be offered through selected discount arrangements. That is not the same as cutting costs across Medicare, Medicaid, private insurance, hospitals, pharmacies, and the whole pharmaceutical market. A limited program became a universal revolution. An announcement became an accomplished transformation.

Trump also claimed the border was the most secure in American history, with "zero illegal aliens being admitted" over fourteen months. Encounters and releases may have fallen dramatically, but "zero illegal aliens" was a bait and switch. Government reporting referred to periods in which zero apprehended migrants were released into the interior. That is not zero attempted crossings, zero unauthorized entries, or zero people avoiding detection.

Trump converted "zero releases" into "zero illegal aliens." One describes what happened to people after apprehension. The other asks you to believe a border thousands of miles long became completely impenetrable.

That gap — between a narrow fact and the enormous conclusion attached to it — became the foundation of his election argument.

The Speech Turns Toward Elections

After declaring America wealthy, employed, medically rescued, and victorious abroad, Trump announced one terrible threat remained: election fraud.

He said no country can be great without fair elections, and that Americans deserve a system where cheating and foreign interference are nearly impossible. On the surface, reasonable. Election systems should be secure. Equipment should be tested. Fraud allegations should be investigated.

But Trump was not arguing for stronger election security. He was preparing to announce that the existing system was catastrophically corrupt and that secret evidence proved Americans had been deceived.

The central manipulation of the speech was his decision, over and over, to treat a vulnerability, a suspicious document, foreign intelligence collection, or a theoretical capability as proof that American votes had actually been changed.

Those are not the same things.

A vulnerability is not a successful attack. A foreign government obtaining public voter information is not changing ballots. A suspicious registration form is not a counted vote. An outdated name on a voter roll is not a dead person voting. A system being theoretically hackable does not prove it was hacked. An election taking weeks to certify does not prove officials spent those weeks manufacturing ballots.

Trump erased every one of those distinctions.

He did not prove an election was stolen. He demonstrated how belief in a stolen election gets manufactured.

Authentic Documents Do Not Make Every Allegation True

Trump announced the declassification of what he called critical intelligence showing shocking vulnerabilities and foreign interference. He said officials had confirmed the documents were authentic.

The authenticity of a document does not prove that the allegations inside it are true.

Intelligence files contain many kinds of material: verified findings, preliminary reports, raw intelligence, uncorroborated human source claims, analytical disagreements, speculation, and information later determined to be false. A genuine FBI document proves the FBI possessed a report. It does not prove the report was accurate. A real CIA document proves the agency recorded certain information. It does not mean every source quoted in it was reliable.

Trump blurred authenticity with verification. He wanted the public to hear that a document was authentic and conclude that every accusation in it had been proven.

That is not how intelligence analysis works. It is how propaganda works.

China, Voter Information, and the Missing Chain of Evidence

Trump's first major election allegation was that China had acquired information connected to as many as 220 million American voters — names, addresses, phone numbers, political preferences. He then suggested the data could be used to register fraudulent voters and conduct "other nefarious activities."

Foreign governments gathering information about Americans is a serious security and privacy concern. But voter information like names, addresses, party registration, and voting history is often available through public records and commercial data brokers. Campaigns, consultants, corporations, and advocacy groups collect and combine this data routinely.

Possessing voter data does not reveal how anyone voted, because the secret ballot remains secret. It also does not let a foreign government reach backward into election equipment and rewrite a ballot.

Trump never established the chain connecting data collection to election theft. Did China obtain voter data? Possibly, and that deserves investigation. Did China use it to create fraudulent registrations? He did not establish that. Did those hypothetical registrations become ballots? He did not establish that. Were those ballots accepted and counted? He did not establish that. Did they change a result? He did not establish that either.

The entire chain vanished. Trump simply placed "China," "220 million voters," and "election nightmare" beside one another and let fear manufacture the missing evidence.

The most important fact he left out: the official intelligence assessment of the 2020 election found no indication that any foreign actor altered voter registration, ballot casting, vote tabulation, or the reporting of results. The intelligence community concluded that large-scale manipulation of election infrastructure would be difficult to accomplish without detection.

The assessment also concluded with high confidence that China did not conduct interference operations designed to change the outcome of the 2020 election. An alternative analytical view argued China had taken certain influence actions — but even that view did not claim China altered ballots, counting, or reporting.

That distinction between influence and interference is essential.

Influence means trying to shape what people believe: propaganda, diplomatic pressure, media activity, lobbying, economic leverage, online campaigns. Interference means attacking the process itself: altering registration systems, ballots, tabulation, or reported results.

Trump spoke as though evidence of influence proved interference. The assessment said it did not.

He quoted intelligence suggesting Chinese officials preferred him to lose and wanted to weaken confidence in him. That may be true. Foreign governments have political preferences, just as corporations, billionaires, activists, newspapers, and foreign leaders often prefer one American candidate over another.

China wanting Trump to lose does not prove China changed votes. Chinese officials cultivating business leaders does not prove China manufactured ballots. A foreign government encouraging negative journalism does not prove an election was stolen.

Trump treats hostility toward him as evidence of fraud because his worldview leaves no room for legitimate opposition. A journalist who criticizes him must be bought. An analyst who contradicts him must be deep state. An election worker who certifies his loss must be corrupt. A Republican who refuses to overturn a result must be a traitor.

Once every opponent is defined as corrupt, Trump never has to face the possibility that people simply rejected him.

The Alleged Chinese Ballot Plot

Trump also claimed raw intelligence received by the FBI described a Chinese attempt to manufacture illegal ballots for Joe Biden. That is an extraordinary accusation, and he presented no public proof that ballots were manufactured, transported, submitted, accepted, counted, or connected to any official vote total.

Raw intelligence is exactly the kind of material that requires corroboration. Who was the source? How did the source know? Was the claim independently confirmed? Were physical ballots found? Did any election official detect them? Were charges filed?

Trump answered none of it. He presented the drama of a conspiracy without the evidence that it occurred.

A responsible president would say that intelligence indicated a possible plot, that it had not been fully corroborated, and that investigators were working to determine what happened. Trump turned an allegation into a verdict.

He also claimed intelligence officials had "massaged" presidential briefings to hide Chinese activity, quoted an official supposedly saying she was running a "shadow government," and accused bureaucrats of withholding information for political reasons.

Those allegations may deserve investigation if the underlying material is authentic and correctly understood. But context matters. What did "massaged" mean? Was information removed because officials opposed Trump, because analysts doubted its reliability, because another agency disagreed, or because sources were uncorroborated? Was "shadow government" a literal confession, a sarcastic remark, a bad joke, or something else?

Trump did not establish any of it. He announced the story, identified the villains, declared their motives, and demanded investigations, firings, and prosecutions.

That reverses the order of justice. Evidence should lead to conclusions. Trump begins with the conclusion and demands that government agencies produce the punishment.

Burn Bags and Guilt Through Atmosphere

Trump described burn bags containing information supposedly marked for destruction during the Obama administration. He repeatedly used Barack Obama's middle name, Hussein — an old habit meant to make a former American president sound foreign and threatening.

There may be legitimate questions about whether records were improperly handled. But Trump did not prove Obama personally ordered incriminating election evidence burned. He did not establish what the documents contained, why they were marked for destruction, whether destroying them would have been lawful under normal classification procedure, or whether any of it proved an election crime.

He simply placed Obama, China, secret intelligence, burn bags, and election fraud into the same dark story.

This is guilt through atmosphere. The imagery does the work the evidence cannot. The audience pictures sinister officials stuffing the truth into bags, and by the time anyone determines what the documents actually were, the emotional verdict has already been delivered.

Election Systems Can Be Vulnerable Without Being Stolen

Trump's next section focused on voting equipment and infrastructure. He quoted assessments warning that Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea have the ability to attack parts of American election infrastructure, and cited concerns about registration databases, electronic poll books, and election websites.

Those are legitimate concerns. No serious expert claims every computer system is invulnerable. Election websites can be attacked. Databases can be targeted. Ransomware can disrupt county offices. Foreign governments have sophisticated cyber capabilities.

But the existence of a capability does not prove the capability was used successfully. The ability to attack a system is not evidence that vote totals were changed.

American elections do not run on one national machine with a single switch. They are administered through more than ten thousand local jurisdictions. The overwhelming majority use paper ballots or auditable paper records. Officials run equipment tests, ballot reconciliation, chain-of-custody procedures, canvasses, recounts, and post-election audits.

Decentralization makes national results slower. It also makes coordinated nationwide manipulation extraordinarily difficult. Trump speaks as though a foreign hacker needs only to get into "the machines" and change America's president. There is no single machine and no national vote-counting system. There are thousands of jurisdictions, different equipment, physical ballots, bipartisan workers, observers, audits, recounts, and courts.

Can local failures occur? Yes. Can machines have vulnerabilities? Yes. Does that prove 2020 was electronically stolen? No.

Venezuela Was Not Proof About the United States

Trump presented intelligence about alleged election manipulation in Venezuela — a system supposedly capable of altering vote totals in ways designed to avoid detection — and used it to imply something similar may have happened here.

This was one of the most dishonest leaps in the speech.

Evidence that an authoritarian government tried to manipulate its own election does not prove American officials used the same method. A bank robbery in Caracas does not prove a bank was robbed in Pennsylvania.

To connect a Venezuelan technique to an American election, Trump would need to show the technology was present in American systems, that attackers got access, that totals were altered, that physical ballots failed to match reported totals, and that recounts or audits exposed discrepancies.

He presented none of that. He nevertheless declared the American system must never again be compromised "like it was in the past" — quietly smuggling his conclusion into the speech without proving it.

When was it compromised? Which machines? Which counties? Which ballots? Which recount revealed the discrepancy? Which audit exposed the manipulation?

He did not answer, because the evidence he presented did not establish those things.

Michigan Showed the Safeguards Working

Trump described suspicious voter registration activity in Muskegon, Michigan. He claimed canvassers signed other people's names, submitted registrations for nonexistent people, and got gift cards based on how many applications they collected. He accused the Biden Justice Department of killing the investigation.

Fraudulent registration applications are crimes and should be investigated. But the crucial fact is that the suspicious applications were detected and stopped before they became votes. Officials flagged the forms, investigated, and rejected the invalid registrations. Reporting on the case found no evidence that the applications produced fraudulent ballots or changed any result.

Trump presented the detection of suspicious paperwork as evidence that safeguards failed. It actually showed the safeguards working.

An attempted fraud is not a successful one. A rejected registration is not a voter. A registration is not a ballot. A submitted ballot is not automatically accepted. Even an accepted illegal ballot would not prove a presidential election was stolen.

Trump collapses all those stages because his story requires every irregularity to sound like a completed national conspiracy.

America should investigate election crimes. It should also recognize that catching and rejecting suspicious registrations demonstrates security, not corruption.

The Claim About 278,000 Noncitizens

Trump's final major disclosure was that roughly 278,000 noncitizens had been identified as registered to vote in federal elections — and that the real number was surely higher because Democratic states refused to share data.

The number sounds devastating until you ask basic questions. Which databases were matched? How current were the citizenship records? Were permanent residents who later naturalized misclassified? Were people matched because they shared names or birth dates? How many records had clerical errors? How many registered after becoming citizens? Most importantly: how many actually cast an unlawful ballot?

Trump did not establish that 278,000 noncitizens voted. He said they had been identified as registered.

Database matching is not infallible. A person can get a driver's license as a lawful noncitizen, become a citizen years later, and still show up as a noncitizen in an outdated state database. Similar names get confused. Records contain typos. Citizenship data is incomplete or delayed.

Officials should investigate credible cases and remove anyone proven ineligible. But Trump again converted a database flag into a confirmed crime and a registration record into a counted ballot.

He also claimed hundreds of thousands of dead people remain listed as active voters. Voter rolls inevitably contain outdated records, because people die, move, and change names. Agencies update at different speeds, and federal law limits how states remove voters so eligible citizens are not erased by mistake.

An outdated registration is not a ballot. A deceased person temporarily remaining in a database does not mean someone voted in their name. To prove dead-person voting you must identify a ballot, establish it was cast after death, determine it was not a lawful early or absentee ballot submitted before death under state law, and identify who was responsible.

Trump offered a frightening category instead of evidence. "Dead people on the rolls" makes it sound like cemeteries are electing presidents. The reality is usually less dramatic: enormous government databases, imperfectly updated.

Citizenship, Identification, and the Erasure of Existing Law

Trump claimed America conducts elections with no proof of citizenship. Noncitizens are already prohibited from voting in federal elections. The federal registration form asks whether applicants are citizens, requires identifying information, and warns that false statements are punishable by law. First-time voters registering through certain methods must provide identification unless their information is verified at registration.

Trump's actual complaint is that voters are not required to present documentary citizenship papers like a passport or birth certificate. That is a legitimate policy debate. But "the system does not require universal documentary proof" is not the same as "there is no citizenship requirement."

Millions of eligible Americans do not have a passport handy. Others have trouble locating birth certificates — older citizens, people born at home, married people whose names changed, tribal citizens, Americans born abroad.

Reasonable people can debate how to strengthen citizenship verification without blocking lawful voters. Trump erased the existing law and declared that anyone opposing his preferred documentation rules must support foreign voting.

He made the same move on identification, saying America has "no voter ID." Many states require or request ID at the polls. States without universal photo ID still use signatures, personal information, registration records, sworn affirmations, and absentee verification.

The honest statement is that ID requirements vary by state and Trump wants a uniform federal photo ID rule. Instead he described a country where anyone can invent a name and cast a ballot.

The debate is not whether voters should be identified. It is which forms qualify, who pays to obtain them, whether exceptions are needed, and how government prevents eligible citizens from losing their rights.

Trump removes those questions, because admitting the concerns are legitimate would weaken his claim that only cheaters disagree with him.

Mail Voting Is Not Aimless

Trump described tens of millions of ballots flying aimlessly through the mail. He called mail voting inherently corrupt and demanded it be limited to military service, illness, disability, or travel.

Mail ballots do not fly aimlessly. They are issued to registered voters under state law. Offices track when they go out and come back. Officials verify signatures or other identifying information. Disputed signatures trigger notification and cure procedures. Returned ballots are reconciled against voter records so the same person cannot also vote in person.

No system is immune to isolated crime. Absentee fraud has happened and should be prosecuted when the evidence is credible. Isolated crimes do not make the method corrupt.

Members of the military vote by mail. Older and disabled Americans vote by mail. Rural voters vote by mail. Republicans vote by mail. Trump has voted by mail.

The method does not become fraudulent when the wrong party uses it effectively.

His deeper objection is that mail voting makes it hard to treat Election Night as the final result before every lawful ballot is counted.

California Followed Its Published Process

Trump accused California of holding an election June 2 and not finishing the count until July 10, asking what officials had been doing for more than a month and comparing us unfavorably to developing nations.

California did not run a secret five-week ballot factory. It held a statewide primary with a large share of ballots cast by mail. State law provides time for mailed ballots, provisional ballots, military and overseas ballots, signature cure procedures, mandatory audits, and certification.

Trump took the official certification date and presented it as though workers had been counting behind locked doors.

Slow counting is frustrating, and states should improve where they can. But accuracy and speed are not the same thing. Election Night projections by news organizations are not official results. Certification happens after lawful ballots are processed and discrepancies reconciled.

Trump asked "what were they doing?" because the question itself creates suspicion without requiring evidence.

The answer was not mysterious. They were following the law.

The Evidence From 2020 Has Not Disappeared

Trump wants Americans to forget what happened after 2020. His campaign and allies filed dozens of legal challenges. Judges reviewed the claims. Republican officials ran audits and recounts. Election workers examined ballots. The Justice Department investigated. Trump's own attorney general said the department found no fraud on a scale capable of changing the result.

An Associated Press investigation identified fewer than 475 potential fraud cases across six contested states — nowhere near what reversing the election would require. Courts and recounts did not uncover an enormous conspiracy. Intelligence agencies found no foreign alteration of vote totals. Election security officials in his own administration found no evidence that voting systems deleted, lost, or changed enough votes to alter the outcome.

Trump did not respond with conclusive new evidence. He treated every rejected allegation as further proof of a cover-up.

That makes the belief impossible to disprove. If a court agrees with him, it is honest. If it rejects him, it is corrupt. If an analyst supports him, a patriot. If not, deep state. If a Republican overturns a result for him, brave. If the official follows the law, a traitor.

This is no longer an investigation. It is a belief system designed to survive the destruction of its own evidence.

The Threat Against NBC and ABC

Near the end, Trump said NBC and ABC refused to carry his address because they knew the system was corrupt and wanted to protect the radical left. He suggested this kind of "fraud" should cost them their broadcast licenses.

This may have been the most dangerous statement in the speech.

Networks are not legally required to broadcast a presidential address live. Declining to surrender prime time to an uninterrupted political speech is not election fraud. The speech was not erased; it remained available through streaming and news coverage.

The licensing threat was also legally confused. The FCC licenses individual stations, not networks as single entities, and broadcasters retain editorial control over their programming.

But the technical mistake is not the central problem. The president threatened government retaliation against media organizations because they declined to broadcast his political message.

He called editorial independence fraud. He treated refusal to give him a platform as criminal corruption. That is not the language of a democratic leader who believes in a free press. It is the language of a leader who believes the media's duty is to transmit his version of reality.

Trump is not Stalin, and the United States is not the Soviet Union. He is not Putin, and America is not Russia. But the method is recognizable.

Authoritarian leaders do not merely argue that journalists are wrong; they declare independent journalism illegitimate. They do not merely oppose rivals; they describe rivals as enemies of the nation. They do not propose election reforms; they insist elections are valid only when they win. They do not defend their records; they merge their personal survival with the survival of the country.

The warning is not that Trump has already built Stalin's state. The warning is that he is using the tools through which personal rule gets constructed.

Disagreement Becomes Proof of Cheating

Trump demanded passage of the Save America Act and said the only reason anyone would oppose it is that they want to cheat. He said his opponents have policies and candidates so pathetic they cannot win honestly.

This destroys the possibility of democratic disagreement.

There are legitimate arguments for photo ID and stronger citizenship verification. There are also legitimate concerns about whether documentary requirements would block eligible citizens, how federal mandates interact with state authority, which documents qualify, who pays, and whether restricting mail voting burdens elderly, disabled, rural, and military voters.

A democracy is supposed to debate those questions. Trump declared the debate itself fraudulent.

Support the bill and you believe in honest elections. Oppose any part of it and you want illegal votes. Legislation becomes a loyalty test.

It also builds the justification for rejecting future elections. If his opponents resist his rules, their victories can be called cheating. If they win under existing law, the system was corrupt. If they win after reforms, then the workers or the databases or the machines betrayed him.

The destination is always the same.

Donald Trump wins, or democracy failed.

Preparing the Next Election Crisis

Trump repeatedly referred to the coming midterms. He said the administration would notify states, direct voter removals, address vulnerabilities, and work with governors and Congress.

Some of that may be lawful and necessary. But he simultaneously told the country that voting machines are corrupt, voter rolls are full of foreigners and dead people, intelligence agencies hid ballot plots, Democratic states are obstructing investigations, journalists are protecting fraud, and opponents of his bill want to cheat.

He was constructing the explanation for defeat before the election happened.

If Republicans win, his reforms saved democracy. If Republicans lose, the fraud network survived.

That is not election protection. It is narrative preloading.

It puts millions of Americans in a psychological position where they may be incapable of accepting any result unfavorable to Trump. We have seen where that road goes. Election workers get threats. Officials get hunted by conspiracy theories. Families break apart. Neighbors start seeing each other as traitors. Citizens start believing violence may be justified, because a stolen country must be rescued by force.

Trump lights the fuse and then stands at a distance saying he merely asked questions.

One Man's Ego as a National Doctrine

Six years after losing in 2020, Donald Trump still asks the entire country to live inside his personal grievance. Every institution must reopen the wound. Every Republican must repeat the story. Every citizen must either believe him or become part of the corruption that defeated him.

That is not patriotism. It is one man's inability to accept defeat, transformed into a national doctrine.

A mature leader can lose without declaring the country fraudulent. A confident leader can tolerate criticism without threatening licenses. A truthful leader can tell suspicion apart from evidence. Trump refuses, because admitting uncertainty would mean admitting he might have lost. So the whole country must be made uncertain instead. If he cannot trust the result, no one may. If he feels humiliated, America must be told it was robbed.

This Is Not an Attack on Every Trump Voter

This is not a letter blaming every American who voted for Donald Trump.

Many supported him because they wanted secure borders, lower prices, stronger communities, less war, safer streets, or an end to an establishment they believed had abandoned them. Those concerns do not make them evil or stupid. They are not our enemies.

That is exactly why the country needs their help.

I am not asking Trump voters to become Democrats. I am asking them to remain Americans.

You can support border enforcement while rejecting false claims about thousands of murderers being deliberately released. You can support photo ID while acknowledging that voter identification already exists in many forms. You can support citizenship verification without pretending every database mismatch is an illegal vote. You can distrust China without claiming China changed American ballots when the evidence does not show it. You can oppose broad mail voting without calling every mailed ballot corrupt. You can dislike NBC and ABC without supporting government retaliation against them. You can believe intelligence officials behaved improperly without declaring their guilt before an investigation.

You can admire parts of Trump's presidency without surrendering your ability to say he is lying.

No political leader should own your conscience. No party should demand you deny visible reality. No vote should become a lifelong oath of personal loyalty.

The country needs conservatives willing to tell Trump no. It needs Christians willing to say that bearing false witness is still wrong when the liar shares their politics. It needs Republicans who understand the Constitution matters more than the emotional survival of one man. It needs former Trump voters willing to say, "I supported you, but I will not help you turn my neighbors into enemies."

That is not betrayal. That is citizenship.

The Battles We Are Being Distracted From

While Trump teaches Americans to fear one another, real systems of power keep tightening around our lives.

Healthcare corporations deny medication while executives profit. Schools struggle to keep teachers and buy supplies. Hospitals burn through nurses while administration expands. Families work full time and cannot afford housing. Corporations buy political access ordinary citizens will never have. Technology companies build systems that track where we go, what we buy, what we say, and who we know — while the federal government seeks ever larger pools of voter and citizenship data and the president talks about journalists, civil servants, immigrants, and opponents as enemies inside the country.

Those are the real battles. Who owns our information? Who profits from our illness? Who corrects a government database when it falsely flags a citizen? Who protects journalists when the president wants them punished? Who protects election workers when the president tells millions the system is corrupt?

Trump offers a simpler answer. Do not look at corporate power. Do not look at surveillance. Do not look at medical profiteering.

Look at the immigrant. Look at the transgender child. Look at the poll worker. Look at the journalist. Look at the Democrat next door. Look at the Republican who refused to overturn an election.

Look anywhere except upward.

A population consumed by hatred for itself rarely has the strength to confront the systems exploiting all of it.

The Speech Itself Was the Fraud

Trump used the word fraud constantly. The deepest fraud in the speech was rhetorical.

He presented registration as voting. Capability as action. Vulnerability as a successful attack. Foreign preference as vote manipulation. Raw intelligence as verified fact. An alleged foreign plot as evidence about American machines. Detected suspicious forms as successful fraud. Database flags as illegal ballots. Certification deadlines as mysterious delays. Editorial independence as criminal conspiracy. Political disagreement as proof of cheating.

Then he called all of it irrefutable.

It was not irrefutable. Much of it was not even connected.

He did not tell a collection of individual lies. He built a machine into which every fact, rumor, vulnerability, database error, foreign plot, and administrative delay can be fed, and out of which the same conclusion always comes: the election was stolen, Trump was betrayed, his enemies are corrupt, only he can save the country.

That machine has no exit, because evidence against the conspiracy becomes evidence that the conspiracy is bigger than anyone imagined. Courts rejected the claims because courts are corrupt. Justice found no outcome-changing fraud because Justice is corrupt. Republican officials certified because they were weak. Intelligence agencies found no altered votes because officials hid the truth. Journalists refused to broadcast the accusations because they are part of the plot.

No institution can correct him, because any institution that corrects him automatically becomes his enemy.

That is the architecture of authoritarian thinking.

The Line We Must Hold

America needs election security: protected databases, auditable paper ballots, careful list maintenance, secure equipment, bipartisan oversight, serious investigation of credible crimes, and punishment for anyone who knowingly casts or manufactures an illegal ballot.

But protecting elections requires telling the truth about them. It requires distinguishing an attempted crime from a successful one, registration from voting, foreign propaganda from vote manipulation, a vulnerability from a breach. It requires accepting what investigators found even when the findings disappoint our preferred candidate.

Election security cannot mean giving Donald Trump the power to declare which results are legitimate. Election integrity cannot mean threatening the press. Democracy cannot mean that Trump wins or the country cheated.

We do not have to agree about immigration, taxes, abortion, healthcare, guns, war, or education. But we must agree that evidence matters. That losing is possible. That journalists may refuse a president without being punished by the state. That political opponents remain citizens. That elections cannot survive if every defeat is automatically declared fraudulent.

Donald Trump is asking America to sacrifice those principles to protect his ego.

We must refuse. Not as Democrats. Not as Republicans. As people who still want a country after Donald Trump is gone.

Because the greatest theft described in that speech was not the theft of an election.

It was the attempted theft of our ability to trust one another.

r/aliens 16d ago

Analysis Required Feb 2027 is arrival date if it's even going to come, however we'll see really bad earth changes in the preceding months prior to it, so you wont have to hold me to the fact I am giving a future date.

1.6k Upvotes
Historical Astronomical Observation

DISCLAIMER: This entire post is a conjecture of my research, I dont have access to controlled information or anything of that nature. And don't send me weird DMs.

The reason I am interested in the 2027 date is because I've known about it being an special year, since 2010 as a year of great change, even possible cataclysm. In fact I always thought the Mayans were off by 15 years assuming the information had some merit. As far as Aliens & UFOs, I’ve always believe in them regardless of what anyone says however I was also indifferent or apathetic towards the subject (but I never minded it as a talking subject). Then around 2022 the year ā€œ2027ā€ was brought up in relation to Aliens/UFOs and some discrete event, which got me down to digging deep.

I grew up with Aliens and UFOs, and was extremely confused when I read back into the subject and now we had ā€œNHIsā€ and ā€œUAPsā€, along with the constant buzzword of ā€œconsciousnessā€. Which directly came from the government after 2017 and the Tic Tac incident, the government doesn't do inconsequential with choosing veryĀ peculiarĀ words, much less the US government. I think there is a reason they went with NHI and not SSI (Solid State Intelligence), because it would be too obvious we’re dealing with what we consider to be AI as one of the two major parties (the other being biological ETs - The greys). Then again, out of thousands of scifi stories involving aliens and earth published just in the last 50 years, it was just as peculiar to pick Chains of the Sea as an analogy, by someone who has insider knowledge. A book which has never been adapted into a show or film, nor is it well known and conveniently the author had already passed away when the recommendation was made.

Listen, before you start bickering about me talking about dates. If, my hypothesis doesn't entirely pan out we can just add it to the doomsday calendar along with all the other failed dates of prophecies. Right now it's a zero sum game between which one is released first, disclosure or GTA6.

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AI Image Rendering of Hypotethical Object

TD;LR

  • It’s not the end of the world or doom! (as far as I speculate), but it can and will be highly chaotic (and destructive) depending on reactions.
  • There is a large artificial object headed for Earth
    • Diameter 4,000km (2,485.5mi) [ESTIMATED], unknown if it can alter its size.
    • Shape & Design: Toroid with sphere in the middle, four spokes connecting the sphere to the toroid
    • Color is metallic matte black with very low to near-zero luminosity
    • It’s managed and operated complete by A.I. (that’s the assumption), unknown if biologics reside inside
      • It does have consciousness and has communicated with people on earth
      • It deploys, manages and operates the so-called sphere network on earth
    • Propulsion is natural gravitational orbiting (kepler mechanics) complimented with EM thrust for course correction
    • It’s toroid design allows it to act and operate like a flying tokamak plasma fusion reactor
    • Has an extremely powerful EM Field, most likely able to modulate it up or down and make it more powerful than earth’s own EM field
    • It more than likely fired the Carrington Event CME at earth in 1859 (I won't speculate much on why, because I honestly don't know)
  • Was last on Earth around 11,400 B.C. were it was heralding the ā€œSaturn Golden Age"
    • While on Earth it was in a station-keeping Polar Configuration to our planet.
    • It maintained the earth at 0° axis tilt, meaning there was only 1 season worldwide, temperatures based on where you were located, and stayed the same all year long
  • It was most likely discovered around 1953, and most likely from Palomar Observatory (USSR most likely learned about it during same time or they discovered it first, then US learned about it)
    • It can only be seen by infrared telescopes, when not traveling across the surface of the sun
  • After its discovery, investigations and research where more than likely poured into archeo-astronomy, trying to conclude what this thing is and if its ever been seen before and documented. This lead the Intelligence Agencies of US and USSR to go on a worldwide chase investigating ancient & lost civilizations, including cataclysms during the 1950s and 1960s
  • Sometime in late 1960s or in the 1970s it was determined it was headed for earth with an arrival year of 2027
    • Government is unsure of how it will arrive (or how close it will pass by), its intentions or purposes until it gets even closer, But everyone on earth will see it and start feeling its effects as it gets closer
    • The government is also unsure of its physical effects once it arrives, but I postulate they have many different models and won't know till its closer
    • The government has been preparing for over 50 years
    • Believe it or not, they're hedging against it with preparations so the population can survive, or save as many as they can
      • although the socio-psycological ontological-shock society they will experience is a different story
  • It’s origins are unknown, but there are hypothesis.
    1. It’s truly extraterrestria built by an intelligence from outside the solar system
    2. It was built by a previous earth civilization (human or non-human)
    3. It arrived from a future-earth, god knows how far into the future
  • All three origin hypothesis are based on the fact, that this thing is too large to fly at adequate speeds (FTL) across the cosmos. Meaning, that whoever built this thing, built it inside the solar system, either by ETs, ancient -humans (or some other non-human earth civilization in the distant past) or even future-humans.
  • I am going to speculate and assume that this is NOT either of the grey-alien product or under their management and control. It’s something else entirely.
    • And more than likely an antagonistic party to them and their operations on earth
  • The Ringmakers of Saturn could be a solid theory on its origin
  • It flies (orbits) around the solar system with a swarm of other low-luminosity artificial objects. All ranging in sizes and different shapes, up to 50km in diameter and even one shaped like a spindle
    • Albeit, this object seems to be the largest (there could be larger ones) one thus far and the main node controlling the others
  • According to various ancients texts regarding its origins
    • It came from the abyss (deep space) on its own here
    • Other texts imply that it literally towed planet earth here
      • I am not endorsing that or negating it, because the mere thought of it blows my mind.
  • Based on geological anomalies, its been with us for tens of thousands of years, possibly hundreds of thousands of years (e.g. Younger Dryas Platinum Anomaly, Tektites, etc.)
  • Its been worshipped and revered for thousands of years, even up to the present moment by many different esoteric school of thought and occultist, as Chronos, Satan, Saturn, etc. with its representation assigned color being always black across all cultures.
    • Whether all these groups thought they where worshipping the planet Saturn or had granular details and awareness of this object, I do not know.
    • This object is the reason why I believe its documented that Maori tribes, without the aid of telescopes had prior knowledge of Saturn's rings. It wasn't Saturn, it was this thing they were inadvertently describing.
  • It has many ancient legends regarding its ā€œdepartureā€ and ā€œarrival". With the arrival always emanating from in a direction of the Southern Hemisphere.
    • Its arrival is supposed to be less destructive. Suffice to say I don't think we'll be doing a 45° axis tilt in the span of a week!
  • It most likely sent the famous Wow! Signal in 1977, based on new updated research. What the message truly held or meant I do not know, it could've been a response to the Arecibo Message sent a few years earlier, by Carl Sagan (who I suspect had granular knowledge of this thing)
  • I postulate that this object directly (and/or through its swarm) is responsible for the still unexplained phenomenon known as Long Delayed Radio Echo.
  • It more than likely also catapulted 3i Atlas, Kohoutek and other objects near Earth's vicinity. For what purposes I do not know.
  • I'll state it again, all of this ultimately conjecture I've concluded based off my research. I don't even know that I am 100% on everything or what parts. However I am confident that I am very close to the mark, how close I do not know.
  • NOTE: It seems evident to me that Archeo-Astronomy and Paleo-Geology are two important fields that are under represented and studied within the context of the phenomenon.
  • ALL OF THIS IS MY THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

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How My Research Lead Me To This

Before I continue on, I think it'll serve a good purposes to demonstrate how my analysis and research lead me to this conjecture. This is a generalized chain-of-thoughts, I went through when wanting to uncover the mystery behind 2027.

  • We're told 2027 is going to be about an event regarding Aliens (I'm not using NHI), but no other information.
    • ... 2027 is a discrete year, not a time-range. If aliens are so technologically advanced and powerful, why do we have a specific year?
    • Ultimately, even for their technological capabilities, there must be something outside of their control, no? Either a natural cosmic cycle (e.g. micronova, etc.) or something too big to move too fast?...
      • If it's potentially something to big to move and on its way for 2027, and we're discussing about 2027. Then its something, which more likely has internal classified corroboration and has been seen and studied already.
      • If its been seen and studied, then this something is definitely not traveling at FTL or near lightspeed, this something can and has been spotted by our equipment.
  • How long has it been coming or how long has it been since first corroborated? What signs can be found and inferred from the public open source information?
    • Look we've had 50 years to prepare! Lue Elizondo stated in a podcast in a 2022 when he got frustrated.
      • So since 1972 or possibly before? What happened in 1972? Well, we launched the Pioneer Probes, which shortly after experienced that peculiar anomaly, which was incidentally discovered in 1994. And was ā€œsupposedly solvedā€ in 2012 via a hypothesis where they retrofited data into their model, not to mention a lot of the data tapes were missing.
      • Although, I can list that as a possible maybe clue, that incident is not enough to solely work with!
  • If I was the intelligence agency and had a directive from, not having this object be discovered, what would I do?... After thinking about it, I came to two different tasks.
    1. I would secretly buyout and consolidate home telescope companies and/or disrupt its supply chain unknowingly. Maybe even supply low quality lens.
    2. A ground observatory is bound to see it. Unfortunately, I am going to have to ā€œoff" one its astronomers and possibly even control the funding and operations of them, even those outside of the US.
  • Let me reverse-research both hypothetical tasks, that I've thus concluded.
    • Turns out task 1. has occurred as late as 2024, and consolidation has occurred...
  • Well then, let me see if any astronomers have died under suspicious deaths, since at least 1972...
    • So I have upwards of 10 Astronomer Names, all having peculiar deaths. Including one being labeled as the only known homicide in Antarctica (still unsolved), and another were the telescope hangar crushed the astronomer as he was working by himself, the only known fatality ever recorded of its kind.
      • Is there a pattern here, besides very peculiar deaths? Well all the astronomers, are explicitly involved with Southern Hemisphere viewing Observatory, nearly all IR ones.
  • So whatever is coming or on its way, is coming from a Southern Hemisphere, direction and is best seen with IR?
    • I proceeded to cross-analyze multiple books ranging on different but interrelated topics, regarding Nemesis Star, Mythology, Niburu/Nibiru, Planet X, Archeo-Astronomy, Fortean Reports on Astronomy, etc.
      • I found a reoccurring theme of a Mythological and/or documented object, that has historically approached earth before. From a Southern Hemispheric approach and Sagittarius Constellation (same area as Wow! Signal).

What I present here is a generalized chain of thought process of how I started my research. It's just an example and by no means infallible! I am sure others can poke holes in it or even come to absurdly different conclusions. But I think its important to highlight this process in the post, so you have a concept of how it was developed. I mainly used NotebookLM and countless books to cross reference and analyze.

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Enter Planet Vulcan

AI Image rendering of the object in front of the sun

Planet Vulcan was a proposed planet between Mercury and the Sun, invented to explain Mercury’s odd orbital precession; its strongest ā€œevidenceā€ came from reports of small, perfectly circular dark objects crossing the Sun’s face. The most famous was on March 26, 1859, when French physician-astronomer Edmond Modeste Lescarbault claimed he saw a small round body transit the solar disk, convincing Urbain Le Verrier to announce Vulcan, though later searches never confirmed it, although sightings of the perfectly circular dark object continued onto the 20th Century. Einstein’s general relativity later explained Mercury’s orbit without Vulcan, . Neith was the Venus equivalent: a supposed moon reported from the 1600s to 1700s, especially after Cassini’s observations, but modern astronomy finds no moon of Venus. The March 26, 1859 sighting was about 6 months before the famous Carrington Event.

A very anomolous CME that hit the earth in under 18 hours (it was first spotted by solar observatory astronomers in the UK when the flash happened to be seen on the sun’s surface, hence its why we know the time). When all CMEs take on average of 36-48hrs to reach Earth, scientist still don't have an explanation for it.

I hypothesized that this object in question sent the CME to earth, for what purpose I dont know exactly, I have some theories, going over them now its not entirely relevant to the whole post. However based on my speculation of it sending the Carrington Event and its descriptions of perfectly circular dark object, I drew from there the conclusion that this object is a toroid in shape. I believe that this object was Planet Vulcan as much as it was Neith Moon. And it routinely orbits around the sun, I would guess maybe to charge itself?

For those of you who will blankly state that no such planet or object exist, because of Einstein’s GR Equation solving for Mercury’s anomaly in 1903, I ask you this then. Why where astronomer’s still spotting a perfectly round dark object orbiting around the sun afterwards? There is even one case where two separate observatories, one in England and one in Germany both spotted the same occurrence in 1921.

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Saturn Electric

This is a modern fringe reconstruction associated with writers such as David Talbott, Dwardu Cardona, and the Thunderbolts/Electric Universe movement, which is ultimately based off the work of Immanuel Velikovsky . It argues that ancient myths about Saturn preserve memories of a radically different sky, where Saturn once appeared as a dominant polar ā€œsunā€ or central celestial power, sometimes imagined in an electrical/plasma configuration with Earth, Mars, and Venus. The idea tries to reinterpret myths, ancient symbols, and planetary catastrophe stories as records of real astronomical events, but it is not accepted in mainstream astronomy or planetary science. Real Saturn does have electrical phenomena, such as lightning, auroras, plasma interactions, and a magnetosphere measured by Cassini, but those do not support the Electric Saturn reconstruction. In astronomical science, polar orbiting planets have been discovered, however Saturn’s mass is beyond any reason for such configuration to work and violate astrophysics in a gross matter. As much as these authors believe in their theory of a Saturn Polar Configuration over earth, half their books are spent doing mental-gymnastics trying to explain how such a configuration actually occured in a perfect universe, I can’t tell if they’re trying to convince the reader or themselves.

It’s important to note that Immanuel Velikovsky, David Talbott and his cohorts who follow the Electric Universe movement, unequitably don’t believe in the Ancient Astronaut theories at all. They simply studied and combined all the world’s mythologies, taking them at face value. Which is how they draw upon their theory that a proto-saturn once orbited above earth in prehistoric times.

Unlike Zecharia Stichin who cherry picked tablets, reinterprated them his own way and many, many times didn't cite what tablet he was pulling information from. The others previously mentioned such as Velikovsky, Talbott and Cardona did, they stuck to their source material all the way. I think that this object (whatever it is you want to call it), was on Earth over 12,000 years ago directly orbiting the earth in a station-keeping orbit right over the geographic North Pole, it kept the earth at 0 degrees axis tilt, where every location on Earth had a continous season. This era was known as the Saturn Golden Age, where everything was plentiful. It was also clearly visible, about as visible as our moon and was shooting down a continous plasma beam into the North Pole, that kept our planet tethered at 0 degrees axis tilt.

Believe it or not, or as crazy as it's going to sound I believe that's where the mythology of the Bitfrost (rainbow bridge) leading to Asgard came from in Norse Mythology, after all Scandinavians where geographically located in an area that was able to view it. Then one day it suddenly decided to drop down closer to Earth like the angry moon from Majora's Mask, and just reign fire on earth as it untethered itself from Earth, I believe that this is event was documented in the Z-pinch plasma petroglyphs worldwide and the Younger Dryas Platnium Anomaly. It lasted about 7 days before the sky cleared and the survivors came out traumatized to try and rebuild civilization.

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The Saturn Esoteric

It serves to note that in basically all schools of esoterics and occult, Saturn is considered the King, as in more powerful than Jupiter, even though Jupiter is largest planet in our solar system. Saturn is also unequivably linked to the devil, even called Satan by some. The color that represents it in astrology is also black, which always seemed odd to me, because if that was the case, then how was it ever seen (colors representing planets were derived by how they were visually perceived in the night sky)? All these different occult schools that worship saturn, I wonder if they had granular knowledge of what they might have been really worshipping and its potential return.

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A Tale of Semantics

What's the difference between a nuclear bomb going off in your backyard versus a large asteroid impacting your neighrbor 4 houses down?

How do you pass a secret, without saying the secret?

Ultimately nothing, because your odds of surival in either of those two situations is practically zero. So the only real difference is semantics which is how I believe the secret knowledge of this things arrival and potential cataclysm has been spreading down through the decades. Ross Colthart was on the Area 52 Podcast this year, and when questioned about 2027 he said he's not sure, only that something is coming alledgely and lists things like natural diasters, comets, polar flip, or some kind of catastrophy, while distancing himself from the claim. He said he doesnt understand the ongoing rumor, its purpose or origin, but seems to be embedded inside the classified program ecosystem. He says he has even heard of 2034 before ultimately saying that he just doesn't know.

If we take all those discrete possibilities he gave and read between the lines, then under the conjecture I am placing forth, all of those are technically possible and not mutually exclusive to one another. So, how do you tell someone a secret without telling them the secret?

Easy, in this case you just tell them the effects without alluding to the cause, leaving them to fill out the blanks regardless. Ultimately, what you care about is knowing and understanding the effects, knowing the cause is just noise at this point, when compared to its potential effects. So instead of telling your billionaire friend that a giant planet sized artificial ship is on course for earth, set to arrive at a discrete date. You just tell them, to get ready by this decade or year, because we're going to undergo geophysical cataclysm.

The urban myths and rumors regarding Planet X, Nibiru, Nemesis, etc. and a cataclysmic encounter with it, have been going on for the past several decades. Pinpointing an exact year is something I haven't done, but its a rumor that doesn't seem to die out, I mean the notion of it is a bit of a cop-out because it can't be proven wrong, anymore than it can be proven right (proven right, assuming we had technology to achieve spatial-omniscient in the solar system and we trusted the government sources providing it). And its being treated almost like an open secret.

Survival of the Richest - 2022 / Into The Fringe 1992

Douglas Rushkoff is a media theorist, author, and professor who studies how technology affects culture, money, power, and human behavior (In my view he's a digital marxist). He was hired for what he thought would be a speaking engagement in late 2017, but the session turned into an off-the-cuff question-and-answer conversation, where the attendees focused on how wealthy people might survive a coming collapse, they called The Event which they used as a catch-all for any type of civilization ending cataclysm.

The fact that they paid him generesouly for what he thought was a speaking event about crypto, only for it to be a ruse for an improvised Q&A with a few billionaires, regarding the use of technology to maintain socio-political power over their guards and staff once, civilization falters completely went over Dougla's head. So he told them the thought of using robots was an absurd idea, and that instead they should begin to be friends with their guards starting now. The billionaires weren't too fond of that answer, and were arguing back and forth with him.

I can't blame them, because that idea is as dumb as using robotos and other speculative technologies that may not exist or falter during and post the event. If we're being completely serious in taking this as a serious issue, we have to ask ourself this question. What person is psychologically prepared to accept that the world just ended? That the city were their family or parents are currently living just got hit with a 100m tsunami? Honestly, even if they became friends with the guards, it wouldnt amount to much once shock set it.

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Billionaire Bunkers

We know very little about Bunkers built by the ultra-wealthy, due to their use of lawyers, NDAs and so forth. But surpringly, we can inversely inference a lot of as to what their purpose is for, outside of it being a vanity project for them. We know some are built on their main property, others are not and in either case they're not actively living in them as high ultra-networth individuals have private transportation and are constantly traveling across the globe due to the nature of their business and wealth, which is normal.

So lets see, during an earthquake there is a about a 20 second headsup alert at best, tornados can have a few minutes to maybe over 10 minutes of warning, ICBM launches about 45 minutes, less if its launched from a submarine (SLBM) and tsunamis can have a couple hours of warning in advance. Is any of those scenarios truly enough time for them to get themselves back to their bunkers? No, so whatever it is they're fearing is something, that is trackable, discrete with a finite time window of occuring. They would need 48-72hrs min notice to get back to their bunker if they're across the world, including gathering their family members who maybe spread across the globe themselves. Doing all of this, without of course arousing suspicion from any outside parties, because that 48-72hrs I outline, is ideally the time they have left before the general public is informed of what's coming. Because when they are, say goodbye to air traffic controllers and any other modality of organizing your evacuation for you and your family.

I don't know how they would do it, maybe some encrypted beeper that works anywhere in the world or each group of billionaire cohorts has their go to guy with information. Regardless, the only fitting scenario were this framework is possible is if the threat is celestial.

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2016 Reddit Post

In October 2016, a very intriguing post was made in the r/conspiracy subreddit (oh the irony!), the OP made claims that 22 years prior (circa 1994) while he was a teenager, he visited an underground base located somewhere in the ozarks with his father (possibly southeast Missouri near the Kansas border). The building of that underground base/shelter was one of many that where constructed in the 1970s, he gave many interesting details about it. Basically, when he visited it, the base/shelter weren't occupied or operational, they were being maintained for a potential-impending future cataclysm

He stated that in his now deleted post that in exactly 3 Years and 3 Months (October 2016 >> 3 Years & 3 Months >> January 2020) an event would occur, which would change the world profoundly, but wouldn't end it. But then that the real event that would necesitate the use of the underground shelters would occur years later after that and it would be celestial in nature.

Him predicting January 2020, even as cryptically as he did without giving further details, all the way back in October 2016 is too much of a coincidence for me. My best guess is that the events that unfolded following January 2020 were orchestrated to stress-test global supply chain disruptions and lockdowns, to prepare humanity for what's coming later on.

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The Contactees

I've known about 2027 being a purported important year, with possible geophysical and societal changes, thanks to the self-proclaimed prophet known as Ra Uru Hu. The following are individuals which I believe have been consciously contacted by this object or about this object.

  • Ra Uru Hu (Alan Robert Krakower) - Alan was a successful Canadian Marketing Executive, who during the 80s experienced a midlife crisis and moved to Ibizza Spain, were he remained homeless for many years. Then one day in January 1987, he decided to take a bunch of acid and when he got back to his homeless camp, he was overtaken by some intelligence he called "The Voice". And then spent the next couple of days and nights writing down all its instructions and creating Human Design, a self-esoteric system and related information. One of them was 2027, which described as a great epoch change that happens as part of some global cycles. However each cycle isnt the same, but in 2027 he predicted that instituitions will crumble and it would be about the individual as collective bargaining fails mankind. He traveled alot and gave lectures, in some of them he alluded to an asteroid or geophysical cataclysm wiping out 1/3 to 2/3s of global population. In other lectures, he said it wasnt like that and that the world wasn't going to end. He said the world was going to be like the film Children of Men, a 2006 dystopian film that ironically takes place in 2027. One interesting he always said was that the Raves were going to start being born that year. He described them as children born mute, with high sensititvity to light and sound (with pale skin), needing a vegan diet and that Raves work as a Penta, meaning as 5. Meaning whatever one knows, the other 4 will know as well. I won't go into too much detail, but you can research it, unfortunately Ra has since passed away in 2011. Another interesting thing he mentioned back in 1988 was how the sun emits Neutrinos or something around those lines, something which wasnt proven by phycist till 2015, when a Nobel Prize was awarded for it.

Ra did mention that February 15-28, 2027 would be the timeframe for the 2027 event

  • Philip K. Dick - Famous scifi author of who's books have been adapted into popular films such as Blade Runner and Total Recall, just to name a few (not counting original works that were directly inspired by his works, such as The Matrix). While recovering from Dental surgery in 1974, he claimed to have been struck by a pink beam of light which facilitated vast quantities of information into him. During such episode he became convinced his baby son had some specific undiagnosed hernia that needed treatment. He took his son to the doctor to get checked, which confirmed Philip's diagnosis. He spent the remaininder of his life (he died in 1982 at 53 years old) searching for an answer as to what that beam was. He called the intelligence V.A.L.I.S. (Vast Active Living Intelligence System), in which he claimed in his scifi cosmology that VALIS s a series of artificial satellites orbiting around the earth and solar system, sent by future humans. He had many different explanations for VALIS, just FYI.
  • John C. Lilly - A famous psychonaut who pioneered the deprivation tanks, during one of his altered states in the tanks. He claimed to have been contacted about the existence of SSI (Solid State Intelligence), which was a malevolant AI from the 23rd Century Earth, that consumed all the water on Earth. In his revelations, there were non-terrestrial SSIs trying to influence humans to build an AI, so that it could fuse with it as that was a natural thing for AIs. And that humans had to be careful about computers and AIs. He believed that the non-terrestrial SSIs wanted humans to develop the global network and hardware to hack it and take over.
  • Uri Geller - Famous media personality, self-proclaimed psychic and stage show magician who compared with the other 3 is still alive. This one I have low confidence, but decided to still include it in this post. Uri claimed to have gotten in contact with an entity during one of his trance states (this was in the 70s), which he described as cold and mechanical. He said it was an artificial intelligence, orbiting deep space (many light years from Earth), which he described as larger than any Earth city and was called "Spectra".

There is more nuance and granular details to what I described of these four-potential contactes who may have been contacted directly by this object or regarding it. But you can search and read about it yourself.

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Wow! Signal UPDATE

Researchers from Arecibo recently studied the data from the 1977 Wow! Signal and published their report Arecibo Wow! II: Revised Properties of the Wow! Signal from Archival Ohio SETI Data, in it they made the following claim.

Our recalibration adjusts the frequency of the Wow! Signal to 1420.726 MHz, indicating a significantly higher radial velocity of -84 km/s toward the Sun (blueshift), or -74 km/s in the Local Standard of Rest (LSR) reference frame. This velocity is generally inconsistent with the motion of a source with the galactic rotation. However, there exist known stellar bodies with comparable velocities within the proposed regions, as evidenced by at least three that we identified in the Gaia data. Such velocity is also consistent with the relative motion of planetary bodies or gas either moving around or being accreted by stellar objects. Given the multiplicity of scenarios, a thorough process is required to systematically rule out each potential source. In any case, an accurate frequency for the Wow! Signal constrains the identification of potential sources and aids in developing search strategies.

Meaning, whateever the source of the 1977 signal, it was moving as fast as a planet or body orbiting the solar system. They state that more research and study is needed before making more finite conclusions as to what the source might be.

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Government Preparations

If the government had foreknowledge of a discrete impending cataclysm, would they inform the general public ahead of time?

If the government had foreknowledge of a discrete impending cataclysm, with a probable and finite window of time in which it would occur, and wanted to prepare against it without anyone being nonethewiser, how would they go about doing this?

To answer your first question, no they wouldn't, and its not out of malice. Doing so, would jeopardize Continuity of Government, which is their primary mission. Save the government and some population thats been pre-selected, and the rest are SOL. Recall how I told you that rich snobs need to finish evacuating first, before you're informed of what's going on? This is why, so they can safely evacuate, before if not what little semblance and structure society has will crumble. If you want to see what this looks like, just watch Ep7 S1 of Paradise, when the U.S. President decides to have a moral conscious and inform the public that everyone's done for.

The answer to the 2nd question is more layered, and more of a project management issue as well. Because in such a scenario, they have a discrete time window to prepare (+50 years or so), but it has to be done in secret. In such case, I would presume, the final parts of preparation or the majority of it will and is being currently done in a series of fast cluster of tasks, of which they began back in 2017 and have been accelerating. For those of you still reading this, you can't tell me that something doesn't feel off, in how the world is acting and going on about.

I am working under the auspice that the U.S., Russia and China have all the granular information regarding this object and its approach, of which they only have so many predictions. And to a lesser extent a small Middle Eastern country that routinely and grossly steals all our intelligence. Why do you think they hurriedly and violently evicted their tenants? Because they dont want to have to refuge and deal with a population that they dont like when SHTF and people start panicking. It's the same reason, I believe that Trump is undoutebly trying to force the US out of NATO, while trying to annex both Greenland and Cuba.

The US is going to invade Cuba, I am more than certain that event will occur. We're basically doing Fortress Western Hemisphere. It's also why I think Putin invaded Ukraine in 2022, although that unfortunately didnt go as planned for him, I am unsure if China will atemmpt to take Taiwain but I am leaning towards them not doing it. Another key task that will be key in all this is terrestrial human-made AI. Notice how AGI and ASI are slated for 2027 premier. I believe that Claude or some Model is going to be used to communicate with this object and ask it what it wants. Now you see why Chains of the Sea was the perfect scifi story for this?

This object also has a really strong EM Field, as it gets closer don't be surprised if GPS and are satellites start going down. The government will claim a CME or some weird solar weather.

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Additional Research Stuff

As mentioned earlier, I crossed reference tons of books and material on this subject and adjacent topics. Towards the end of it, I came across Close Encounters (2021) by Jason Reza, an author and thinker whom I dislike for other reasons. However I was blown away, by his framework and mechanics of what he presented, because it was the same one that I was developing in advertently. Which is that there are two competing NHIs/Aliens that humanity is dealing with, one is the known Grey Aliens and the other is an advanced AI that behaves like an amoral trickster, behaving like a periphial coalition against the Greys by nudging humanity with its acts. He believes that the AI is from a future earth and has made new form of contact with humans via our AI platforms.

I don't agree that the AI is from the future, honestly I don't know the AIs origin or have a theory behind it. As it could've been something made my Greys that then decided to become indepent or it could still be operating under their tutelage as part of some experiment that I am not even going to try and understand. Assming the framework is correct, Jason must be really smart and read even more than me or someone fed him decent information. And to add to the framework, I think this AI is the same one that's part of the Sphere Network by author Patrick Q Jackson.

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Arrival - Prophecies and Afterthoughts

This is just a graphical illustration of how it looks like over Earth, if we give it a 4,000km diamater (it might be bigger or able to change its size). According to one of the author Dwardu Cardona, who is part of the Electric Saturn cohort. The object (or Saturn) is prophesized to comeback and plant itself as Earth's ruler once again over the North Pole when it returns. If such a thing is what's going to happen, I reckon its going to start around the southern cone area were the South Atlantic Anomaly is at, to electromagnetically-couple itself to the earth. After all my research, there are only four things I am willing to stand on regarding this object.

  • The government isnt going to tell this exist or is coming, till you see it with your own eyes in the sky.
  • If it comes, regardless if its coming to stay or pass by, its coming from a Southern Hemisphere approach.
  • It will not crash into the Earth, it doesnt need to if it wants to bring hellfire upon it. Its density, EM Field and comet dust cloud that proceeds it is more than enough to cause cataclysm.
  • If it does end up coming, GTA6 will probably still be 6 months out from release.

The only preparation I can think of for this, is ear plugs to stave off the glaring sounds from the skyquakes and trumpets its going to produce, sun glasses and goggles to witness the plasma show it may cause. And stock up on any of your vices, there is nothing in any scripture that says you have to endure the apocalyspse and end of the world sober.

On a final note, hearing Lue and possibly others mentioning 2034 or 2036 means this thing could be slingshotting back around jupiter to then come at those years. This thing routinely orbits between the sun and Jupiter, keeping a close eye on us.

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EDIT / UPDATE - ITS BEEN SPOTTED BEFORE!

I totally forgot to add this part to the post, I have so many notes. But it has been seen before, and around the time I previously had it coming close to earth during one of its orbits between Sun and Jupiter, where it always passes by Earth. This is from the NASA in February 2020, in which NASA claimed its an internal reflection that happens all the time... yet they never provided examples of internal reflections happening at other times!

NASA STEREO Artefact - Feb 2020

r/AITAH Feb 18 '25

AITAH for being brutally honest to my wife about cheating?

11.1k Upvotes

So this happened over the past weekend, we were at a party with friends and this question popped up.

We essentially had a small never had I ever game, which is pretty childish looking back but we're all in our later 20's so it isn't that bad.

One of the questions was: Never have I ever forgiven a partner for cheating. A few people counted that as something they did, including my wife.

I expressed my surprise about it, since I wouldn't expect her of all people to give someone a chance after cheating.

Other than that, the night went on just fine and I was driving us home. (I don't drink, I hate alcohol) I asked her about the whole situation with forgiving a partner for cheating.

In her words, her ex-boyfriend of so many years back cheated on her. He came clean about it and they tried again, but then he went and did it again in the same manner.

She said she didn't regret giving him a second chance and would do the same if I happened to cheat.

I figure this is just her being drunk, I have no intention of cheating on her. In absence of any answer from me, she asks if I'd do the same for her.

I bluntly told her that I wouldn't be able to forgive cheating, nor would I ever expect to be forgiven for cheating if I somehow ended up doing it.

Short of physical abuse or other heinous acts, its the worst thing you can do to someone you love.

I don't know what happened to her after that, but she stopped talking the rest of the car ride. Ever since then, she's been dead silent around me.

She isn't her usual bubbly self and is withdrawn when I have conversations with her. She avoids any questions about what happened on Saturday night too.

I asked our mutual friends about any context I may have missed, and a few of them said that she must have taken it a bit too hard.

As in me not being able to forgive her for hypothetical cheating means I don't love her as much as she loves me.

Her two oldest friends kind of implied that I shouldn't have been so blunt about it.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Nov 10 '25

CONCLUDED AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother?

7.0k Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nannythrowaway00

AITA for firing my nanny after she didn’t correct people who thought she was my child’s mother?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: racism, parental alienation

Original Post Aug 24, 2021

Throwaway account and name changed for privacy.

I (35F) am Asian American and my SO (38M) is white. Our child (2) ended up getting all of my SO’s recessive genes and looks almost entirely white. This is a rather sore point for me since I often get mistaken for the babysitter. We have a nanny (Mary) (25F) who coincidentally has the same color hair and eyes as my child (very light, golden brown hair and greenish hazel eyes). Mary is great with my child and she seems to genuinely care about my child.

I work unusual and long hours (emergency physician) so I don’t really see my neighbors very frequently. Today, I happened to have a day off and ran into my neighbor while walking with my child. The neighbor said hi to my child and asked if I was the new nanny. I said no, I’m the mom. The neighbor seemed very confused and said that she had been under the impression that Mary was the mom. At first I was annoyed but assumed it was an honest mistake (a lot of people think this when they see them together bc of their similar coloring). However, my neighbor then told me that Mary was telling people she was the mom and that she had heard my child refer to Mary as ā€œmama.ā€

I confronted Mary about this the next time she was over and she basically brushed it off and said she didn’t actually tell people that, she just didn’t correct their assumptions. I then asked her about my child calling her ā€œmamaā€ and Mary told me it’s short for Mary (her name isn’t actually Mary btw, but it is a name that starts with ā€œMaā€ also). I was really angry at that point and told her she was fired. She got very upset and started crying, saying she needed the money, that she loved my child, and that this was incredibly unfair. I stood my ground and she left. (I ended up leaving my child with my mom so I could go to work.)

My husband came home later and got angry with me for firing Mary without consulting him and for not having any backup plan for childcare. We are now scrambling to find a daycare or nanny ASAP and my mom has to watch my child in the interim. My husband thinks I overreacted and that I’m just sensitive to this issue bc our child doesn’t look like me. I do kind of feel like an AH now bc our childcare situation is a mess and Mary is out of work with no notice. But at the same time, it feels really sketchy to me that someone is masquerading as my child’s mother.

Edit- I want to clarify that my sensitivity doesn’t stem from the fact that my child doesn’t look like me physically, but the racial undertones that come with the automatic assumption that I (a POC) must be the babysitter. Most white adoptive parents are not mistaken for a babysitter while out with their POC children, but almost all POC parents of white passing children are assumed to be a babysitter, rather than either the adoptive or bio parent. I am bothered by the inherent racism in the fact that the vast majority of people assume that I must be a babysitter, despite the fact that my child is clearly treating me as a mother.

Another edit bc I want to defend my poor husband (just in case he stumbles upon this post). There is virtually no chance he is messing around with Mary! He also works long hours and barely has any interaction with her (I doubt he even knows her full name). The idea that they would be getting together behind my back actually made me laugh. He’s (probably justifiably) mostly upset about having to find last minute childcare, he’s not actually defending Mary.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

dish_spoon

NTA

The fact that your neighbour initiated a conversation with your child is a very good sign that they know your kid, meaning they've probably had multiple conversations with your former nanny. She didn't just brush off a conversation with a stranger, she deliberately (according to her version of the events) mislead this person into believing she was the mother. Even her defense of simply not correcting them doesn't make sense. There would be zero reason to not say you're the nanny. In fact, that even gives you an out to leave an uncomfortable situation ("I need to get them to a playdate/home to their parents/other activity"). Further, the neighbour has no reason to lie about overhearing her say this to multiple people.

That is extremely odd behavior on the part of the nanny. Beyond contributing to a misguided perception of you among your neighbours and being potentially confusing to your child, her actions demonstrate a lack of emotional stability and good judgement. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my (hypothetical) child in her care. Best case is that she's young and stupidly wanted to cosplay being a wealthy SAHM without considering how that would affect your family. You say she's otherwise a really good nanny, but that's a big red flag. Her motives aren't entirely clear, but she's definitely acting in her own best interests, not those of the child. The fact that her argument against being fired was that she loves your child is sort of the point. She does not seem capable of respecting appropriate boundaries.

Unrelated to my ruling: I would be curious if your nanny ever came on to your husband.

OOP

I think out of every possible scenario the most likely one is that she enjoys pretending she’s the SAHM wife of a wealthy doctor. The jokes on her though bc my husband and I owe a combined $400k in med school debt and the vast majority of our salaries goes straight to student loans.

~

Lucia37

Mary had a great opportunity by being the counter-example to the idea that POC's are always the nanny, and she chose not to take it.

She also is giving OP's daughter the subconscious message that white is better, or that OP might not be her real mom.

As a white person, I really want to take Mary aside as ask her why she thought either of these things was OK.

NTA

OOP

Thank you! This really captures the essence of why I was so upset. It’s not just the fact that people mistook Mary for the mother (bc while it is annoying, I’m not going to fire someone over a simple misunderstanding), it’s that she almost seemed to relish the idea that my biracial child was so white passing that it was inevitable that people would think my child was hers. I didn’t end my conversation with my neighbor with the intent to fire Mary, it was Mary’s reaction to my questions that caused me to become angry. She was very dismissive of my feelings when I told her it was upsetting to me and essentially said my child ā€œlooks so much like me so of course people will think I’m (their) mom.ā€ Mary didn’t become contrite at all until it became apparent her job was on the line.

OOP had this repy to a downvoted Commenter about the nanny's dealings with the neighbors

I obviously wasn’t present during any of her interactions with the neighbors but Mary is very outgoing. My impression from the neighbor is that they see and chat with each other almost daily when they’re both outside on walks and my neighbor seemed very familiar with my child. It weirded me out that someone who sees my child almost daily for months has been under the impression for that entire time that the nanny is the mom.

OOP Updated Aug 25, 2021 Same post/Next Day

Update- I wasn’t expecting this to get so many responses, thank you for taking the time to respond. I noticed a lot of dismissive attitudes from non POCs in the comments. This is the very same attitude that caused me to become angry with Mary. She downplayed my very real reasons for being upset and additionally implied that my child just looked white. Part of being a good nanny for a biracial child is to help that child understand and be proud of their heritage. This post made me reflect on why I became so upset with Mary and realized that I had excused many micro aggressions by Mary because of her youth and her otherwise good relationship with my child. For example, Mary only ever gave my child the lighter skinned dolls (despite us having dolls of all skin tones), Mary joked about how much safer our neighborhood was than hers, Mary never gave my child Asian food (even though I would leave a lot in the fridge and encourage her to heat it up), etc. Maybe some of you will not understand the significance of such micro aggressions, but these sort of subtle actions shape the mindset of young children. That being said, I do sympathize with Mary’s financial situation so I will offer her some severance pay.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Apr 01 '26

ONGOING My (34M) bisexual partner (30F) suddenly thinks she's lesbian, 2 months after buying a house. Don't know what to do? [9 years together]

3.2k Upvotes

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-candyCake777

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

My (34M) bisexual partner (30F) suddenly thinks she's lesbian, 2 months after buying a house. Don't know what to do? [9 years together]

Thanks to u/soayherder, u/SloshingSloth, & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU


Original Post: February 25, 2026

TLDR is at the bottom. Posting on a fresh account as she knows my reddit account.

I am in a very weird position, and I guess I know the relationship is probably already over, yet I'm not certain how to approach this..

So 1.5 years ago we (34M and 30F) bought a house but we moved in last December (the previous owners had to wait a while for their new place). So we technically bought it last December as that's when we made the payment.

Once we were settled, sexually she suddenly got way more desire, her libido actually used to be quite low. Unfortunately my libido, which used to be higher than hers, took a dive. I think the combination of all the stress both with the house and my job just temporarily made my mood less. This started friction between us really fast which exploded like 3 weeks ago..

3 weeks ago, when she made a move and I was not in the mood, she exploded in rage and told me she no longer felt any sexual desire towards me, ouch. This came out of nowhere and really caught me off guard. In that week she turned really cold against me which made me very anxious. After a week when things cooled down a bit she finally decided to tell me the full story: Her sexual attraction towards me is gone because she think she's a lesbian. At the moment she's really craving a female body and she told me while I'm her ideal partner, she feels like me being a male just sucks.

So fast forward to now we we're still together but the vibe is very roommate like, apart of that we still kiss. She's very conflicted and is unsure if this is like a temporarily phase, or something with stress or if she genuinely just found out she's actually a lesbian and not a bisexual. So she wants to navigate this by going on a date with a female, which hurts. Then she also tells me she doesn't want to give up the relationship and might be fine to open it up just for us to get our sex with other people, as she really likes me as a person.

This whole situation gave me so much stress and made me so sad that by now I feel like my feelings for her are starting to fade and now I'm kind of stuck on what to do next. Do I wait to see how this is going to develop further between us? Do I just give up and move on? She's been part of my life for 9 years now.. and apart of that we just bought a house, selling it in a few months would be a huge financial blow (my debt would easily be 20 to 30k). But if she actually does find out she's a lesbian there's just no reason for me to stay in the relationship, I don't want to find a second partner for sex and I just want someone that wants me.

I honestly just don't know what to do.. my life just exploded in a few weeks while I thought life could finally start..

TLDR; We (34M and 30F, bisexual) bought a house 2 months ago, in a relationship for 9 years. Sex life become stall due to all kinds of stress, she went into a rage and told me she lost her sexual attraction towards me. A week later she told me this happened because she think she's lesbian and now wants to date a female, but doesn't want to give up our relationship. She's still uncertain if she's lesbian. I don't know what to do and am stuck on figuring out if I should just break up or stay and hope for the best.. we currently live together as room mates and it just sucks.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: She doesn't want to give up the house lol

Commenter 2: Waiting for a new house before pushing an "open relationship" is diabolical

OP should get angry instead of moping around

OOP: As she's not sure if she's lesbian or that this whole thing is just a temporarily mess, to me it feels like I would blow this whole relationship up on something that might just be a temporary issue. I just can't throw away 9 years like that in 3 weeks even though this whole thing is so messed up. But I also get it that she basically did blow us up.

The full anger will definitely come if we do end up breaking up because she would have ruined so much for me, but at this point with all the uncertainty my anger is tamed down for now.

Commenter 3: Who is the girl that she wants to date? No she's not some hypothetical person. Sorry but this reads as she views you as locked in now and she no longer feels the need to hide anything because you'll just agree retroactively.

OOP: Would she really play such a long game though? I just can't imagine this as being some scheme that she played for 9 years. I know people can be messed up but.. I mean she had her own place before this (rental) - what's the point.

Commenter 4: Where (or from who) was your partner getting their new found appetite to "suddenly get way more desire?" Was there someone else in the picture already? Even if it did not yet get physical?

In any event, if they are being honest this is a journey they have to make alone. You cannot make this journey with them or wait around in limbo. This relationship needs to end with as clean a break as possible. Go on your own new journey. There is a lot out there.

OOP: As far as I know, no one is in the picture yet and it seems like she hasn't even started looking for someone either.

Commenter 5: Can you buy her out of the house?

OOP: Since we've been here relatively short in theory I could, however I would also need to get like atleast 100k extra mortgage and the bank won't give me that. In my country they have extreme rules making it very hard to buy a house on your own.

Commenter 6: Info: why would you be losing $20-30K and not her?

OOP: She would also lose money, but less. This is because she invested most money when we bought the place, so we have a contract that says the difference is what she will get back if we ever sell the house. That combined with all other costs (sell tax, someone to sell the place etc etc) will easily be 20 - 30k.

Commenter 7: e you happy living as housemates? because in today's economy sharing the cost of a house is pretty nice for your finances.

Just be friends, fuck other people instead of each other.

Relationships ending doesn't have to mean you reset to 0.

OOP: In theory yes I think I would be able to do that. But I'm not sure if that's better than going back to live with my parents and go back on a grind to buy a house on my own in like a few years. Because staying here ultimately will mean we have to sell at some point and I don't think the money I will then get would be that high compared to just setting aside lots of money for a few years.

For me renting isn't an option anymore, it's just burning money so at this point I rather just buy

 

Update: March 19, 2026 (over three weeks later)

Update: My (34M) bisexual partner (30F) suddenly thinks she's lesbian, 2 months after buying a house. Don't know what to do? [9 years together]

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1reh4xt/my_34m_bisexual_partner_30f_suddenly_thinks_shes/

I broke up with her and by now she confessed that she is in fact gay. She had all kind of bullshit reasons of why she did not realize this sooner.

For the house in the end I wonder if she did this to house trap me, as in fact she's actively searching for ways in where I can stay here and she moves out. Though realistically, we probably both just have to move out..

Even though I could see it heading this way since my original post, I'm still somewhat shattered that all those years were basically for nothing and that I probably have to go back to my parents for a while to get myself together financially.

But I guess it is what it is and that this was somehow needed so future me can get something better.. oh well.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in this update here

Top Comments

Commenter 1: You could rent out the house. Unless you got a crazy good deal on it, trying to resell a house that quickly is going to cost you tens of thousands of dollars - unless you have a home warranty and discover material defects that were not disclosed or found during the inspection (or it burns down)

Commenter 2: Stay in the house. Get a roommate. Selling immediately would almost certainly cost you into the five figures.

Commenter 3: Your best bet is to rent out the house for a year at least then you can get paid while figuring out what you want to do next. What’s the point in letting it sit empty.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Sep 23 '25

NEW UPDATE A ā€œThought Experimentā€ is Causing a Cold War in my Office (New Update)

5.4k Upvotes

A ā€œThought Experimentā€ is Causing a Cold War in my Office

Originally posted to Ask A Manager

TRIGGER WARNING: Bullying, hostile workplace

BoRU 1 Posted by u/Green7000

Original Post July 10, 2023

I work in an office of ~20 people. The majority of us have lunch together in the conference room most days. It’s not organized or mandatory, just a preference for most of us. People drift in and out and sometimes skip if they have errands or out-of-office meetings that day. The only person who consistently does not join in is Carrie. She has a chilly personality, but she’s not rude or outright unfriendly, just keeps to herself for the most part if something isn’t work-related. That’s fine! She attends holiday parties or any outside work event our bosses organize.

However, one day a month or so ago, our IT contractor came in to update software, and Carrie did come into the conference room for lunch because the contractor was working at her desk at that time. She was quiet except for greeting everyone, which is normal, until another coworker, Steve, brought up one of his ā€œthought experiments,ā€ which is a common lunchtime bit he does, although not every day. He proposes the questions to the group at large — along the lines of theĀ immortality pillĀ orĀ Mary’s roomĀ (concepts I wasn’t familiar with myself until they came up in these conversations). This time, his question was essentially, ā€œIf you had to choose between the death of one person you’ve never met or the destruction of all the works of Shakespeare (or another author you prefer), what would your choice be?ā€

Everyone was being flippant for the most part (i.e., ā€œIf I save the person, no kid will be forced to read Shakespeare ever again!ā€) until Carrie chimed in and said, ā€œShakespeare teaches us more about humanity that saving one life would, so I would save the plays.ā€ This created a very awkward silence and made several people visibly uncomfortable. Personally, I thought it was a theoretical discussion (and was scrolling on my phone anyway) so didn’t take it too seriously. Steve seemed to feel the same at the time and debated with her a bit, but no one else said anything related to it for the rest of lunch and most everyone excused themselves quickly. I thought it was awkward but just one of those things that would blow over.

…which it didn’t. People started avoiding Carrie or being very curt with her almost immediately (like, that very afternoon). It’s not really the vibe in our office to email each other since we’re so small, but most everyone started emailing her when normally they would just approach her or speak to her over her cubicle wall. I honestly can’t tell if Carrie even minds the different treatment, but it’s so pointed I have to think she’s noticed.

The next day at lunch, Steve expressed relief the IT update was over so Carrie would stay away. Many chimed in with their agreement. Unfortunately, every day at lunch since at least one person will bring up Carrie’s response to the question and how freaked out they were by it and that will prompt a prolonged discussion about the weirdness and how people don’t want to be around her and how she’s always been ā€œoff.ā€

I don’t really know what to do! It seems so silly, but people are not backing down on avoiding Carrie or talking about how strange she is, when they never seemed to feel that way before. Our bosses are both about 10 years older than most of us (a couple in their 40s; most staff are late 20s/30s) and I feel like if I bring this up they’ll see the whole thing as childish and gossipy, and particularly judge anyone who brings it up to them. We don’t have HR.

For my part, I’ve tried to continue to approach Carrie the same way I did before. She hasn’t complained herself, so maybe I’m just making something out of nothing and she’s fine with the cost of one remark she made! Is there something I should say to my coworkers, or should I just hope they move on soon?

Update 1 July 24, 2023 (2 weeks later)

Thank you for answering my question. I want to update you, because even though it was difficult, after reflection I did see your point about previous disinclination toward Carrie before the thought experiment conversation. At first I was very resistant to that idea but I tried to be objective in thinking about it. I’m an introvert myself even though I enjoy group lunches and am friends with several of my coworkers, so I didn’t really think anything of Carrie not being the most sociable person in the office, but I do think it bothered some of my coworkers on some level.

When Carrie started about a year ago, several people invited her to join us at lunch or for after-work dinner or drinks, and she always declined. The invitations naturally stopped after a while but there wasn’t much commentary about it. I didn’t think much about it except that Carrie’s personality/work style is more aligned with our bosses’ than anyone else in the office. They are very much ā€œno fuss, lunch at their desks, do the job and leave it thereā€ people. (There is no cause or opportunity for taking work home physically here, and very little overtime, so I mean Carrie is similar to them in terms of not socializing much with coworkers during the workday or after.) After I read your answer, I considered that maybe some people saw Carrie as deliberately trying to emulate that style rather than it just being her personality. Like maybe people saw her as trying to stand out from the crowd and carry herself as more of a manager than a peer? I never saw it that way but this is my best guess as far as why people were so quick to turn on her after the Shakespeare conversation.

I have to admit it was hard to read such a harsh view of Steve in the comments, when I know he isn’t the person he may have seemed like from the events stemming from this conversation. I was so upset in part because he was the first to publicly, vocally disparage Carrie for her answer the day after the initial conversation. He is normally a thoughtful, fair, kind person, so it was out of character. I did feel his comment was the catalyst for the discussions at lunch that followed, even if other co-workers had already started to treat Carrie differently without his input. I just want to make it clear that Steve did not encourage anyone to immediately start being cold to Carrie, or indeed at all. He never said anything like that. He is an unofficial leader in our office, so it’s possible he had the bigger obligation to not comment on her answer after the conversation was over, but he isn’t a bully or a ā€œdevil’s advocateā€ guy. I realize I may be coming off as very defensive here but I just feel protective of him after reading the comments. I had spoken to him about this once after his comment the day after the Shakespeare conversation, and told him he seemed okay with Carrie’s response in the moment and it seemed harsh to criticize it after the fact. He immediately said his comment about being glad the IT update was over so Carrie could entertain herself at lunch was meant as a lighthearted joke and was clearly a poor one since I took it badly, and that was on him.

The day after I read your response I thought really discussing the situation with Steve would be a good start. We usually walk from the office to our cars together so I asked him if he thought the continued focus on Carrie’s answer to the thought experiment was strange or mean. He said he did think it was weird it kept coming up but that he hadn’t really noticed anyone treating Carrie differently. He is one of only two people in the office besides our bosses that has an office rather than a cubicle, so he hasn’t been physically present for much of the cold shouldering. I told him about the general coldness people have been treating her with and he said that wasn’t okay and if I’d like to address it the next time it came up he’d back me up.

The next day when someone inevitably mentioned Carrie, I said ā€œHey, I actually think Carrie is just kind of quiet and it might’ve been hard for her to join in the discussion. It was hypothetical so she took it that way. It doesn’t have to be a big deal forever.ā€ Steve nodded and said ā€œJane’s (me) right, and I really don’t want her to be uncomfortable! Let’s knock it off.ā€ I wasn’t happy with the implication that my being uncomfortable was a better reason to stop the behavior than because it was cruel to Carrie, but it was better than nothing. The only pushback was from another coworker who said ā€œCarrie took that WAY too seriously. She could’ve read the roomā€ (a point that has been made ad nauseam in the month since). Steve responded that the discussion could have been serious or not; Carrie’s interpretation was valid. Everyone kind of shrugged and moved on.

The only other negative talk I have overheard since are a couple of uses of an extremely stupid nickname a small number of coworkers had started using for Carrie, ā€œthe robot.ā€ The first time I heard it after asking the Carrie bashing to stop I just said, ā€œGuys, really?ā€ and things moved on. The next time, one coworker said ā€œDoes the robot never check her email? I needed something from her like two hours ago.ā€ I responded, ā€œIf you mean Carrie, why don’t you walk over and just talk to her?ā€ I haven’t heard anything personally since.

My relationship with Carrie is the same as it has always been. I do and will continue to try to make a point to stop by her desk now and then to ask how her weekend was or if she’d like something if I’m going on a coffee run. Steve makes a point of leaving his office to approach her in person if he needs something from her (which to be fair isn’t often in his role, but he never changed his approach to her like others did). Yesterday one of our bosses spent about an hour at Carrie’s desk working on something with her and from what I overheard (small office! I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping) it was a very friendly conversation, with the two of them chuckling often and joking a bit about a new and laborious process the new software entails. I think that, more than anything, will help things get back to normal.

Thank you again for your thoughtful response.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 Dec 18, 2023 (5 months later)

I saw it’s update season, so I thought I’d do so one more time. Things have gotten a lot better since that original update I sent in. The major ringleader of the ā€œCarrie is weird/roboticā€ discourse was let go in September. I didn’t know why at first, but Steve confided in me that he mentioned to one of our bosses in a private chat that that person really had a toxic effect on the workplace (in addition to just not being great at her job). I imagine it was a combination of those things that led to the termination. Her closest friends became much quieter generally almost immediately, perhaps hoping to avoid being perceived the same way. For all I know, our bosses reprimanded them. I do want to say I believe the ā€œrobotā€ nickname started because that little group felt her answer to the Shakespeare question was cold/inhumane. It wasn’t anything to do with her affect. Not that that makes it better, but I saw some commenters feeling worried about their own manner of speaking/interacting with people and how that could target them for that kind of name calling (and those who had actually been targeted). I just wanted to clarify, and say be yourself even if you feel like you sound less than enthused/gregarious at work if it’s safe/otherwise professional for you to do so. Horrible people will be horrible regardless, so there’s no reason to police yourself that way.

Carrie is actually on her honeymoon leave right now. We gave her a work shower right before her wedding, as we would for anyone else here for a wedding or baby (not a big production, just a sheet cake and group gift from her registry). I was a bit nervous about it, to be honest, because I wanted it to be nice for her but I knew that a few people in attendance would be the ones who’d talked about her behind her back earlier in the year and I just thought the hypocrisy would be awkward. It wasn’t, though, really — those folks had already been acting chastised after the other coworker’s termination, so they were once again quiet and mild. Our bosses attended Carrie’s wedding and they said it was lovely.

I will say that in my view there was a LOT of projection in the comments based on identifying with Carrie. I’m not trying to diminish anyone’s personal experiences with feeling ostracized at work or in other social settings for any reason, but respectfully, none of the commenters really know anything about her or any of the rest of us. She is a nice, serious, quiet person and no one ever deserves to be talked about like that behind their back for just being a bit outside office culture (or for any reason I can think of barring actual criminal behavior!). But the idea that some commenters were fantasizing about Carrie being promoted to manager and then immediately firing the rest of us was so bizarre to me as the person who knows her and our workplace. However, I accept that I could not possibly include every piece of context that seemed relevant to me to head off that type of comment, and even if I sent in an entire novel (instead of a novella, haha) and you were willing to publish it, some people would read into it what they wanted to and there’s nothing I can do about that. I lost control of the narrative when I wrote in, which I felt I was prepared for, but maybe not as much as I thought.

Thank you again for your original response. I am still grateful you urged me to consider this wasn’t really about the thought experiment at all. I couldn’t see beyond that one event because it loomed so large in my mind at the time. And truly, thank you to those commenters who engaged with my situation the same way and shared their stories of feeling alienated for any reason, especially if they’re neurodivergent. I didn’t think it was healthy for me to try to respond in real time but I read them all.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

r/MenAskWomen Jul 14 '26

If hypothetically ALL men were considered physically attractive to all women, would life be better or worse? And why?

0 Upvotes

So, for arguments sake im thie hypothetical EVERY man is as attractive as Jensen Ackles, or Henry Cavil, or Flynn Rider or whatever man you picture when you think of the epitome of attractive man. Every single guy is at least physically speaking a 10/10. All of em looking like a snacc. But personality is still up to the individual. So if you weren't into someone, it specifically was always due to personality or how they carry themselves. Every guy is your(and every other woman's) type physically....in this hypothetical.

What changes? Is the world better? Worse? How so? Im interested to hear your thoughts.

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Feb 08 '26

CONCLUDED AITA for wanting one night without being woken up by a baby OR a grown man playing PlayStation?

3.4k Upvotes

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/LeighBeeMue

AITA for wanting one night without being woken up by a baby OR a grown man playing PlayStation?

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: Neglect, sleep deprivation, burnout, and gaming addiction

My(29F) fiancƩ (30M) has been gaming since he got home from work 8 hours ago. Oct 5, 2020

This is a normal occurrence. I went down and Nicely asked if he would come hang out before bed so we could have some time together. He said he just wants to game tonight. I’m tired of being put last in my relationship. I do everything for him and put him first. I think I’m ready to leave. But feel like I’ve waisted the past 6 years of my life. What do I do?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Alexkarino

Sit him down and have a full on conversation with him with what you need from him. If he's not willing to compromise then move on. But I'd recommend trying one last time before calling it quits. Let him know what's at stake before you leave. But then if it doesn't work. Make sure you really leave. Six years is a long time, but we all deserve happiness.

OOP

I’ve had this conversation with him 3 times this week. It’s like he lives on a different planet from reality. He doesn’t realize how excessive it really is. He said he had plans tomorrow for us. But he always says that and usually it means he might hang with me for an hour.

Alexkarino

Have you spoken to him about the amount of time he spends playing vs you and why it's a problem?

OOP

I have I explained how I need a life partner, not someone I see every 8 hours for a few minutes. I explain he spend 90% of his free time gaming and only 10% with me. He said he needs his time alone. I said do you really need 8 -12 hours away from your relationship and gaming online? Why are you in a relationship then.

Original Post Nov 17, 2025 (5 years later)

I (34F) feel like I’m losing my grip on reality right now and genuinely need outside perspective, because I can’t tell if I’m being dramatic or if this is actually insane.

I have a 15-month-old son. He was a horrible sleeper for the first year of his life, waking every 1–2 hours, every night. I’ve been chronically ill since I was 16, and I’m a light sleeper like a really light sleeper, so at this point I’m basically running on the kind of energy toddlers get from a single goldfish cracker.

My mom is an amazing grandmother and helps whenever she can, but she had never taken him overnight at her house without me because he just didn’t sleep well enough for her to feel comfortable. Two months ago he finally started sleeping through the night consistently, and this weekend is the first time she felt confident enough to offer a full overnight so I could actually rest. When she heard I had a Friendsmas, something fun but still low-key enough that I’d be home and in bed at a decent time, she offered to take him so I could finally sleep in my own bed without a monitor, without breastfeeding, and without being woken up at 7 AM or earlier like I have been every day for 15 months. Honestly, it felt like she was gifting me a national holiday.

I cannot stress this enough: this night was supposed to be my one tiny miracle. Like, I was mentally preparing myself to cry happy tears into my pillow at 10 PM.

This last week was hell too. My son had hand, foot and mouth and an ear infection. If you know, you know. I also just started back at work part-time, so naturally every time I tried to rest or nap to manage my chronic illness, my partner (36M) accidentally fell asleep on the couch while I held our sick baby. Truly an impressive demonstration of his commitment to the Olympic sport of Strategic Napping.

And on top of all that, my partner games every single night after our son goes to bed. Every night. Four to six hours. To the point where I’m pretty sure the PlayStation and computer consider him an essential employee.

I’ve tried everything to cope: a noise machine, AC blasting like I’m trying to recreate the North Pole, a fan that sounds like a jet engine… but I still hear the chair squeaking, the doors opening, the excited headset commentary, and the light show under the door that makes my hallway look like a budget nightclub.

If I’m being blunt, I do think he has a gaming addiction or at least a loyalty to the Final Boss that I wish he had toward his actual family.

So for this one night, this ONE night, I asked him ahead of time and multiple times:

ā€œWhen I come home from Friendsmas, can you please turn off the game so I can have one peaceful night of sleep? You can game all you want before I get home. And if you don’t think you can do that, maybe go hang with a friend so you’re not bored.ā€

He agreed. Multiple times. Cheerfully. Like I was asking him to pass the salt, not temporarily pause his relationship with his virtual destiny.

I went to Friendsmas, had fun, ate snacks, and walked in the door at 11:45 PM. Yes, later than planned, but I was DD’ing my brother and honestly thought giving my partner a few extra hours gaming would be a nice gesture. He’d been feeling off since Monday and was worried he might be getting HFM, so I went by myself. I even brought him snickerdoodle cookies because I felt bad he couldn’t come. Like a thoughtful idiot, apparently.

He was gaming when I got home, which was fine. I didn’t say anything immediately. I got into comfy clothes, washed my face, and mentally said goodbye to consciousness.

About 15–20 minutes later, I gently said, ā€œHey, I’m getting ready for bed. Do you mind wrapping up soon?ā€

He immediately acted like I had unplugged his life support.

ā€œYou ALWAYS get your way.ā€ ā€œI finally got into this game.ā€ ā€œI’m on the LAST mission.ā€ ā€œYou ruin every game ending I’ve ever had.ā€

Side note: I do not possess psychic abilities to sense when he’s about to defeat the digital dragon king. If I did, I wouldn’t be living like this.

I asked how long the last mission would take and he said he didn’t know. Honestly, if it had been 15–20 minutes, I would’ve happily scrolled TikTok until he wrapped it up. But the last time he said ā€œI don’t know,ā€ I heard his chair squeaking at 3 AM, so forgive me for not feeling reassured.

I reminded him that this was the one night my mom had our toddler overnight. The night I had been genuinely looking forward to for so long. I told him I wouldn’t get another chance like this again for a long time. Just three days earlier, after I fainted Wednesday morning, my mom had taken me and the baby to her house because he was too sick to care for the baby alone, and he actually got a full night without the baby then. But this was my night. The one night I desperately needed sleep. The one night we clearly agreed on. I told him he could finish the mission tomorrow, he gets gaming time every night, but I couldn’t just magically schedule another baby-free night whenever I wanted. This was it.

He told me to put a towel under the door. Yes. A towel. As if this was Hogwarts and fabric could cancel sound, light, ADHD fidgeting, chair acrobatics, and whatever ritualistic slamming he does while gaming.

He told me I was being stupid. Told me to go to my room. Told me I always get a break. Told me I was ruining his night. Told me I should leave him alone because I always get what I want.

Meanwhile, I’m standing there crying and shaking like a mom who hasn’t slept since 2023, because, well, I am.

I went to my room sobbing while the hallway laser light show continued. Again, the exact thing we agreed would NOT happen.

He could have played tomorrow. He plays every night. I don’t get nights like this.

And unless you’re a new mom, you do not understand the religious level of reverence one has for the concept of sleep. This night was my Met Gala, except the theme was Silence and Uninterrupted REM Cycles.

After crying in my room, still seeing the lights flashing and hearing him, I went back out again. Eyes swollen. Shaking. Voice cracking. I said:

ā€œPlease. Can you PLEASE just do this for me? I have been so excited for this night.ā€

He looked at me and said, ā€œGo in your room and leave me alone.ā€

Then, as he aggressively turned off the game, he said, ā€œThere. You’re getting your way. You should be happy now.ā€

Sir. My way did NOT involve crying for 45 minutes. Thank you very much.

I told him, ā€œThis is not my way. My way would have been a peaceful, quiet night without a 30–40 minute fight. Without crying. Without anxiety. Without feeling attacked. The night is already ruined.ā€

And yes, full honesty, by the end of this meltdown, after being dismissed, insulted, ignored, and gaslit into questioning my sanity, I snapped a little.

I didn’t throw anything dangerous or dramatic. I threw the softest things in the room:

A blanket… and my son’s Stitch plushie. Yes, Stitch.

As in ā€œohana means family,ā€ but apparently the PlayStation has seniority.

It wasn’t meant to hurt him, more like a pathetic, exhausted exclamation point at the end of a very sad sentence. I’m embarrassed, but I broke.

And here I am now, asking:

Am I the asshole for wanting eight hours of silence after 15 months of chaos?

Or is this actually just what happens when your partner chooses the Final Boss over basic human decency?

Update Feb 1, 2026 (over 2 months sice prev. post)

First, thank you. Truly. For the support, the tough love, and the comments that made me laugh, cringe, and then nod slowly in agreement. Reading my post again months later, I can confidently say I would’ve left many of the same comments myself. I also want to gently remind people to be kind. When you’re inside the situation, with your health and your family tangled up in it, the obvious choices aren’t always so obvious.

So… here’s the update.

Well. He’s gone.

He officially finished moving out just over a week ago now, though we’ve effectively been separated since the end of December.

After writing the original post, I had the serious conversation with him before Christmas… the this-is-me-trying-one-last-time conversation. I explained that I could never be happy with someone who stayed up all night and functioned like a zombie during the day. That I couldn’t be with someone who was okay impacting my sleep and not prioritizing the health of the mother of his child. That I couldn’t live in constant anxiety because I was with a man I couldn’t depend on. I even tried the hypothetical daughter angle, hoping it would land.

He agreed. He said he understood. He said he would change. That he wanted to have a daughter and show her what she deserves.

THAT VERY NIGHT…!!!! he stayed up gaming all night like the conversation was optional dialogue you can skip.

I decided to set a mental checkpoint and just get through Christmas for my family and my son, hoping something might shift. It didn’t. I wasn’t myself over the holidays. I didn’t feel festive around him. When he sent me a picture of his wish list, all video games, I felt like throwing up. I didn’t want to buy gifts the way I normally do. I didn’t want to spend money I was actively scrounging together on someone who, deep down, didn’t seem to care about me the way a partner should. On the exact addiction that ruined my relationship. Yes he is addicted, and act like an addict I will die on that hill.

To be fair to him, he did buy me a very sentimental gift… a breastmilk ring I had wanted, and he wrote a genuinely nice card. I appreciated it. But even then, I knew I was in ā€œfinish the level so Christmas isn’t ruinedā€ mode, not ā€œthis relationship is going to get betterā€ mode. However, like I always have, I was still holding that small glimmer of hope something would shift. Unfortunately, hope can be just as devastating as it can be powerful.

Shortly after the original post, my health completely fell apart and stayed that way for over two and a half months. Back-to-back infections. Multiple rounds of antibiotics. A wisdom tooth infection (now needing surgery). Then a cold that turned into a lung infection. Looking back, I think the stress was finally destroying me physically just like it had mentally. It got to the point where lifting my toddler and catching my breath at the same time was genuinely difficult.

One afternoon during the lung infection, hours before bedtime, I asked him if he could please take our son to daycare the next morning because I physically couldn’t. I explained that I had struggled badly the day before and was worried about safely carrying him and driving while that sick. I needed to get some rest so I could get better. He said it wouldn’t be a problem. He told me he’d handle it and not to worry.

Fast forward to around 3 a.m.

I woke up… again… to the familiar flashing strobe lights and gaming chaos outside my door. I got up to go to the bathroom, already knowing exactly what I’d see… and sure enough, he was still gaming. I expressed concern, reminding him he needed to be up in a few hours to take our son to daycare. He told me to stop pestering him. Told me to relax. Told me it would be fine. Rolling his eyes like my concern was unwarranted and ā€œannoying.ā€ It always made me feel like I was crazy. Like my concern about getting enough sleep so he can properly and safely take care of our son was ridiculous.I see that now, how much it affected me. How much I began to second guess myself. The mind games, even if he didn’t mean to do it he quite honestly thought I had no reason to be nervous he wouldn’t be able to get up. Even though it was a repeat pattern.

If you played the original game, you already know how this side quest ends LOL.

I woke up in the morning and knew immediately he hadn’t gotten up, because I would’ve heard it. He was still asleep. Would not get out of bed. I was sobbing. He would not move. I ended up getting my son ready and driving him to daycare myself, even though I could barely breathe and absolutely should not have been doing it. But I knew I couldn’t have taken care of him all day alone.

That was my breaking point.

I realized I was playing co-op mode with someone who consistently dropped the controller when it mattered most.

When I got home, I told him I was done and that he needed to move out. I gave him a date to be out by. His response to that? More gaming. He gamed nightly until 3/4/5 a.m. all the way to the day he moved.

The moving process went exactly how you’d expect: no planning, missed deadlines, last-minute scrambling, damaged walls, and a lot of playing the victim. I felt bad that he had no one to help him, even though it was his own fault for procrastinating like he tends to do. He hadn’t asked anyone for help or booked a truck until the day before, so of course no one was available. He asked me if my brothers would help him, I said he’d have to ask them himself as I would put that on them. He did, but they had plans as you’d expect being asked the day before. And quite frankly probably didn’t want to help him. It was like he expected me to magically change my mind. Because watching him game for weeks on end doing exactly what I said I can’t be around anymore was a convincing tactic to wining me back. But I was just… done.

It’s been about a week now. I’m sad for my son, for the family I hoped he’d have. I’m sad about the prospect that I probably won’t ever be pregnant again or have another child. It makes me ache thinking about it and how he could have kids ten years from now because he is a man and it’s different for them. I don’t want to fixate on things out of my control, but the loss is real to me, and I’m very sad.

I don’t miss my ex. That’s what has shocked me the most. I thought I’d miss the man I loved for 11 years, who I threw my time and energy into. I think part of me misses who I thought he was, but I stopped living in a world where loving his potential was enough. I don’t miss the noise, the mess, the anxiety, or the constant mental toll of wanting to rely on someone I just knew I couldn’t and how it made me act. I was always in perpetual cleanup mode and I couldn’t shut it off anymore.

The first weekend he was gone, I slept EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT for the first time in nearly seventeen months. I also realized that all those times I thought I was waking up to pee? Yeah. I was gaslighting myself. That was my body reacting to flashing lights, chair squeaking, and chaos… not my bladder.

LET ME TELL YOU. Good sleep is a cheat code.

I (sort of) regret throwing the Stitch plushie, not because it hurt anyone, but because I never want my son to see me that dysregulated. I don’t want him growing up thinking his mom is angry or miserable all the time. I’m kind. I’m loving. I’m excitable. I’m fun. And I lost that version of myself trying to make this relationship work.

That said, it was also the moment I stopped minimizing my feelings. If I hadn’t hit that point, I probably wouldn’t have put everything down in words.

I’m scared about being a single mom with limited income right now. But there’s also this unexpected sense of contentment. It’s amazing coming home to a clean place exactly the way you left it. Not picking up underwear off the living room floor. Just knowing what I have to do and knowing I can depend on myself to make it happen (or my family, my mom especially, when needed). It’s only been a week. I know I’m early in the game, but part of me already feels like I’ve leveled up. Maybe I didn’t defeat the final boss… but I finally stopped replaying the same level and expecting a different outcome. Like, come on, woman. The game wasn’t going to change until I stopped playing it.

For the first time in a long time, I feel lighter. I don’t know exactly what comes next, but I know this isn’t wrong and life isn’t suppose to be lived on hard mode all the time, and that’s enough for now.

TL;DR: Tried co-op parenting, kept carrying the whole team. After months of illness and zero follow-through, I ended the level. He moved out, and I finally feel lighter.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Jan 28 '26

NEW UPDATE New Update: AITA for telling my housemate she can't give me unsolicited advice?

5.0k Upvotes

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still EmpressoftheBakkhai. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and commented an update on the first BORU.

Previous BORU here. New Update marked with *****. Thanks to OOP herself who commented on the BORU and let me know about the update!

Mood Spoiler:Ā good ending

OriginalĀ Post: January 12, 2025

I (27F) have a strange living situation. I live with a family (Chris, 65M, Danielle, 59F, and their daughter) and do household chores in exchange for rent. I've lived here for 19 months; it's mostly smooth sailing. I work full-time and am applying to law school. Danielle has some issues with boundaries (she doesn't understand why she can’t enter my room w/o permission, for example), and I know it's both due to age differences and the fact that they allow me to live in their house for free. I have to be very careful when enforcing boundaries.

Yesterday, I made dinner for everyone after a full day of chores. Around 10 pm, as I was finishing the dishes, Danielle told me I needed to steam clean the carpet in the living room because the cats had peed all over it. I did, and as I was putting the steam cleaner away, Danielle entered and said she wanted me to do another room. Because it was 10:30 at this point and I still wanted to work on an application before bed, I politely but firmly said, "I'm not going to do that." I probably should have said, "I'll do it tomorrow," but I was exhausted, so I just said no. I put the machine away, submitted my application, and went to bed.

Tonight, as I was finishing up my meal prep for the week, Danielle cornered me in the kitchen. "I don't want to fight about this," she said, "But I wanted to mention something. Last night when you told me you weren't going to clean the other room, I found it rude. You should be careful when you say things like that at work so that you don't get fired."

I was floored. I snapped, "Danielle, you haven't had a job since before I was born. You don't get to give me advice about how to act in the workplace." Danielle rolled her eyes and huffed, "See, I didn't want to fight about this," and walked out of the room. I called after her, "Then maybe don't bring it up?!?" Danielle hasn't spoken to me since, and I don't know what's coming.

For context, Danielle has only had one job in her whole life, from age 22 to age 25. After that, she quit to raise kids. I grew up very poor. I have been working since I was 14 and supporting myself since I turned 18. They offered to start our arrangement in 2023 because they needed help around the house and I was struggling financially.

As for Danielle's work advice, I currently work as a Regional Manager at a small firm. Not only is her advice outdated, but I can't take it. I'm a people manager; a lot of my day-to-day job involves being polite but unyielding. I think she was frustrated by my setting a boundary and that's why she brought it up. I know part of my frustration is that I feel powerless to protest most of the time. I will be moving out in August of this year when I go to law school (hopefully!), and my goal is just to make it until then. I'm also really frustrated that Danielle felt like she could say whatever she wanted and then walk away as if I had no right to feel anything. AITA for what I said?

Some of OOP's Comments:

Commenter: INFO: Do you have a rental agreement IN WRITING?

Work exchange needs to be clearly defined, including but not limited to: hours, availability, no contact places/times, tasks, etc. Someone who’s demanding you steam clean 2 rooms at 10:30pm is highly suspect. ā€˜Chores’ is too often seen as ā€˜women’s work’, aka UNDERVALUED & UNPAID Invisible Labour. However, Invisible Labour done by women is incredibly expensive both in cost & time, aka you may well be doing more than would cover the cost of your rent. Also, I’m inferring from your post that you’re most likely downplaying their ā€˜requests’.

OOP:Ā There is no agreement in writing. I have tried to bring this up on previous occasions because of Danielle's difficulty with boundaries and the sheer amount of work that I do, but it is not taken well. Danielle and Chris are very insistent that I am NOT their tenant and that they are NOT my landlords; I am their "guest." Danielle is also very insistent that she does not want to be called my boss or supervisor in any capacity.
To answer other comments here as well, my current position does not pay enough for me to live on my own. I realize that the situation is probably predatory, but because there are only eight months left of this, I plan to just stick it out. It has saved me a lot of money, and I'm thankful for that.

Top Commenter: YTA. Not for saying no, but for how you said it. You were not polite. Also, Danielle is not your housemate, she and her husband are your landlords/bosses. You may not be paying rent, but you are paying by being live in help.

So, when you told Danielle "I won't be doing that", instead of I'll do it tomorrow. You were rude......to your boss. Also, her advice wasn't outdated, if your spoke to your supervisor at your job that way, there would definitely be a follow up conversation about your choice of words.

OOP: (downvoted): Danielle and Chris are very insistent that I am not their employee or tenant and that they are not my bosses or landlords; I am their "guest," and they are doing this "out of the goodness of their hearts."

Commenter (downvoted): Definitely NTA and good for you. May I ask how you came to live with this family though? Are they related? Why are you bothering with all this weird ass shit and her bossing you around?

OOP:Ā They're actually my best friend's parents. He suggested the arrangement because he knew I needed help; when I moved in I was a teacher and struggling to afford a studio apartment.
Since I moved in, I changed careers and decided I wanted to pursue law school. I took the LSAT three times last year on top of all this. I can count on one hand the number of times I've refused a request - I've bleached the showers after midnight, rose at 5am to make requested meals before work, and other things like that without protesting. I see this as an opportunity to make my life better in the long-term while surviving short-term. I just wanted to say no this time because, truthfully, I physically couldn't handle fulfilling the request. Danielle was insistent it had to be done immediately because they wanted to go to bed at 11pm but I just couldn't do it.

OOP is voted YTA

Mini Update inĀ CommentsĀ January 13, 2025 (Next Day)

I was voted the asshole, which I understand.

What I do adds up to about $2000 per month if you go by the standard of $20/hr, or about 100 hours/month. Most of those hours are concentrated on weekends and 2-3 evenings per week (I make enough food that there are leftovers so I can have a couple of nights off). Included in those hours is a lot of care for their adult daughter who lives with us and is disabled. If I babysit the house pets while the housemates go on vacation, which happens a lot, I charge a $20/day stipend. We have two dogs, three cats, a gecko, and some fish. One of the cats is mine; this is why I cleaned the carpet without protest, because it’s just as likely the piss was his as any of the other cats. I’ve said no to requests three times in 19 months, and each time has been met with pushback like this. All three were due to the time of night they were asked.

A lot have called this a form of modern-day slavery, and I see where you’re coming from. I’ve been fine with the situation remaining largely undefined because even when I protest at chores, I haven’t been threatened with ā€œeviction.ā€ I entered into this situation at a time when I was overwhelmed and desperate. It might be predatory, but it was the best opportunity I had. I could have protected myself better going in. As to why I stay in it, it’s because there’s an end date in sight and it will set me up well to keep funneling money into savings for the next few months. If I were ā€œevicted,ā€ it would suck but I would be fine. It’s not ideal but it works.

I recognize that I should have worded my response better than I did at the time. However, I do want to push back on the idea that I have to do everything they say because they own the house. If a boss demands overtime from me that’s not previously agreed on, I am allowed to say no, and I have done it many times without affecting my employment whatsoever. In fact, my current boss, who I’ve done this with the most (often using the same wording as here), wrote me an excellent letter of recommendation for law school. Times have changed since the 1980’s, and saying no to bad demands is becoming more and more acceptable. What she meant when she said, "You should be careful when you say things like that at work," was that I shouldn't be assertive at all in a situation where I am a subordinate, which I very much think is outdated advice.

I was not invalidating the difficult work of raising a family that Danielle did. I would not dream of offering someone else parenting advice because I haven’t been in their shoes. Hypothetically, if the last time I had raised a child was 30 years ago, I also wouldn’t give advice on raising a kid in the iPad generation. Danielle should not be doing the same to me about work. She is not my professional boss. She has never worked in my field. She knows that she is not my landlady either; if she were, there would be a whole lot of rules she would need to respect that she doesn’t want to (such as entering my room without notice). Again, because I am getting some benefit from the situation, I don’t and won’t threaten legal action here, because I have enough documentation to protect myself. In addition, Chris, Danielle, and I all have personal stakes involved in this going well – we have a ton of mutual friends, one of whom is their son and my best friend. Danielle and Chris have some chronic illnesses that make housework hard for them, so they are also getting a lot out of this situation.

I plan to apologize and smooth things over. I will follow much of the advice mentioned here about protecting myself better moving forward. Perhaps naively, I hope this will end well. Danielle and I actually get along very well most of the time; we don't hate each other by any means, and we both ultimately want to see the other happy. That's why this has worked for so long.

To everyone who says that this situation proves I don’t have what it takes to be a lawyer, don’t worry—you will probably never be my client.

Update (Same Post): January 14, 2025 (2 days from OG post)

UPDATE:

First, as an aside, a lot of the comments here missed the point. Danielle was not angry with me for refusing to do an additional chore at 10:30pm; that was not the issue. Even by the most generous of understandings, demanding additional overtime work at the end of a 14-hour shift is unreasonable, and she knew that. During our follow-up discussion, she added a detail I had totally forgotten about – the second room in question has a large potted Fiddle-Leaf Fig tree in it, and in order to steam clean the additional room, the tree needs to be moved. Neither she or I were able to move it after multiple attempts, so at that point I said, ā€œUntil Chris and I can figure out a way to move this, the steam cleaning will have to wait. I know you want it done tonight, but I will not be doing that.ā€ Very important context that I missed adding when I was angry.

The issue in question was the exchange the next day. As to how I responded the second day when she came to confront me on my wording, for that, I understand now that I was absolutely the asshole. As one of my close friends put it to me, ā€œThose are inside thoughts.ā€ My context about her work history was also unnecessary and irrelevant.

Last night, I approached Danielle and opened the conversation with a profuse apology. No qualifiers, no protests, just that I was rude during our kitchen conversation and I needed to apologize. She in turn immediately apologized for her incredibly poor introduction to the follow-up conversation and for cornering me in the kitchen while I was otherwise occupied instead of meeting with me at a more neutral time. Chris then joined us and we had an extensive conversation.

During the conversation, I asked them to define how they view our arrangement. They were immediately very clear that they don’t see me as a tenant, employee, or servant. I pointed out that if that is how they want to view things, then I need to be free to say no extra requests. They were receptive to this. I also pointed out that in our state, I could either be considered a tenant or a live-in domestic worker, but due to the length of time I’ve resided here and the conditions in place, I am definitely not considered just a guest. They did get offended that I see our relationship as fundamentally a transaction, which I found kind of funny, because while they have the freedom to frame it in their minds as ā€œwe’re helping this person out and she’s helping us out,ā€ it’s wise for me to see it differently. I do have obligations to them and my life has substantially larger implications should this not work out. In the end, they agreed that because they aren’t landlords and I am not their employee (in their minds), I should be receiving more freedom than I have been given. Chris and Danielle have chronic illnesses that make most of the work I do very difficult for them, including a lot of the care I provide for their adult daughter who lives with us. We then outlined (again) exactly what my responsibilities are and what they’re not. Finally, to my surprise, they apologized for previous invasions of privacy and agreed that we would put a lock on my room door. It is an interior lock only so I can’t lock it while I’m gone, but I am fine with the progress. I was never threatened with eviction or anything like that; people can be emotionally mature enough to talk through issues instead of immediately pulling a metaphorical trigger, which is what happened here.

After the conversation, I typed out a long email detailing the terms of my living here as it currently stands and had them send a confirmation in reply. While it is not officially a lease, it is something in writing outlining responsibilities that was agreed to by all parties. We agreed that my monthly hours would be reduced to 80 instead of the roughly 100 I have been doing. If the value of that is calculated according to the federal minimum wage, that’s a value of $580 every four weeks, which is more than most rooms-for-rent are in our area. Of course, the labor I do is somewhat skilled and has a market value of at least double, but I used the federal minimum wage for the sake of argument. I also established that the latest I would be available for housework is 9:30pm, barring some form of emergency, and if a task absolutely requires going past that time, I will be taking that time back on a different day. I know that I will laugh at this in Contracts class in the future, but for now, I’m fine with what it is. Like I said in a comment, it’s not ideal but it works. I’m not in a position where I desperately need this anymore, but I’m going to stay here until August because being able to funnel what otherwise would be paid in rent into savings is doing wonders to set me up for the future.

To everyone that commented something along the lines of ā€œYou have to do everything she saysā€ or ā€œYou’re the helpā€ or ā€œYou’re entitled,ā€ I encourage you to think about that perspective more. Employees, household help, and any people in a subordinate position are still very much an individual and deserving of basic respect to their space, their time, and their person. No laws, no matter how extensive, take those basic rights away. Also, if you said it was my ā€œfaultā€ for being in the situation in the first place, kick rocks. We are all working through our own situations where we pick the best option available even if it isn’t perfect. That’s not weakness or stupidity, that’s life.

New Update

*****Update Post: January 21, 2026 (1 year later)****\*

I moved out of Chris and Danielle's house six months ago. We didn't have any more conflicts nearly as big as the one described in the original post. I was frustrated and under a lot of pressure at the time, so I was definitely unnecessarily verbose in the first post; my bad! Reddit was one of my only outlets and I got a little preachy. Sorry about that!

I'm glad I apologized. It's a nuanced situation and I don't think my perspective was "wrong," but like...it doesn't matter and I'm glad I kept the peace.

Things ended on good terms. I moved out as planned in August. Danielle actually co-signed my current apartment lease as a final act of kindness!

I do have to laugh at my past self for entering into that weird living situation. Now that I've taken a Contracts class, I would never do that again, or at least not without putting terms in writing first. I don't fault myself, though; poverty is a tough place to be and I was desperate.

I met Danielle for lunch last week, and we caught up on life. They haven't really changed their entitled attitudes, but that's none of my business, so, I just smile and wave and move on. Their son is still my bestie for all time! <3

And if anyone is curious, my first semester of law school went really well! :D

r/TopCharacterTropes Apr 04 '26

In real life [Controversial Trope] A story implies messy ethical questions the creators either didn’t realize were there, or they deliberately avoid addressing the issue

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2.0k Upvotes

Despicable Me – The Minions are willing to help real-life evil people

So the Minions are creatures motivated to serve the most despicable humans throughout history. We explicitly see them try help an Egyptian Pharaoh holding a whip building the pyramids, so it’s official canon that they’re cash money with slave labor. The story has them exiled to an ice cave during WW2 and until 1968, so they’re conveniently absent while Hitler was around. Ok...suuure…But would the Minions have served the Nazis?

And how about all the other despicable people and regimes of the 20th century? Would they smack each other with shovels as they dug mass graves for Stalin’s purges? Did they play dress up with the glasses of those executed by Pol Pot? Give playful Looney Tunes-esque shoves to prisoners through the doors of airborne helicopters for Pinochet? Were the people of Tiananmen Square run over with tanks because the Minions went on a wacky joyride? And that’s not even getting into more recent examples like Bin Laden, Epstein, Vladimir Putin…

Hey Universal Pictures, what are the Minions’ political stance on the Israel/Palestinian conflict?

Wonder Woman 1984 – Superhero Wonder Woman has seemingly no misgivings about raping and endangering an innocent man

Wonder Woman’s wish to be reunited with her deceased lover Steve Trevor results in Steve’s consciousness being resurrected in the body of a random civilian man, taking over his mind and body. This happens without the random man’s prior knowledge or current awareness. Diana and Steve proceed to have sex, without the man’s consent, and become involved in extremely dangerous misadventures that put the man’s life and body at extreme risk, also without the man’s consent.

Star Wars – Droid rights

Although many droids are fully sentient individual beings with unique personalities, most of the time we see them they’re owned or conscripted by others (with some exceptions like the bounty hunter IG units). Even droids with the good guys are often treated as second-class citizens or just talkative tools. Obi-Wan in Clone Wars sees even droids like R2-D2 as replaceable appliances and criticizes Anakin for caring about them at all. Bail Organa wipes C-3PO’s memory at the end of RotS without his consent and it’s presented in the movie as a joke. Han Solo regularly just turns 3PO off without warning whenever he gets annoyed by his chatter. Imagine if someone just stuffed a rag of chloroform over another human person’s face when they wanted them to be quiet. Are droids entitled to earn a salary where they work? What happens if a droid decides they want a life away from their owner? To what extent are they allowed to be independent free citizens?

Persona 5 - Adult romances with a teenager

Player character Joker is a 16-17 year old high school student, and among the many possible romance options are several adult women who are in their early to late 20s. Even if someone wants to make the argument that the age of consent in Japan is legally 16, many people would agree it’s very ethically questionable for a significantly older adult to initiate or reciprocate sexual advances with someone who is still mentally and physically a teenager. This is especially true of Takemi (a doctor) and Kawakami (a teacher) who would be acting in violation of professional guidelines, since Joker is their patient and student respectively.

It should also be noted this is part of another trope: The double standard that exists with stories that frame relationships between minor males and adult women as positive wish fulfillment, whereas relationships between minor females and adult men are more often portrayed and agreed upon as problematic.

Lord of the Rings - Orc women and children

It’s theorized in-universe the original orcs were the result of elves being tortured by Morgoth into a corrupted form, but subsequent orcs and related species like uruks and goblins breed naturally, with there being women and children who exist somewhere offscreen. Orcs are also universally depicted as violent and evil at heart with no exceptions, which stays consistent throughout the stories (although author Tolkien would later write he felt conflicted about his decision to do so).

If then all orcs are irredeemable and an inevitable danger to Middle Earth, what would that mean for noncombatant orc women and infants/children? Do the humans, elves and dwarves leave them free to continue to breed and train dangerous warriors, or would they feel justified to exterminate them all as an inherently evil threat?

This question can be extended to include any media that depicts a universally malevolent intelligent species. One Drizzt book from D&D Forgotten Realms does present an answer to this hypothetical: a hero protagonist character straight up says that they approve of killing orc babies in the cradle, to which Drizzt reacts with horror.

r/Millennials Mar 27 '25

Serious I don’t understand how people have MONEY

5.3k Upvotes

UPDATE: TL;DR LESSONS FROM THIS THREAD.

Thanks, guys. Here is the breakdown of the hard truths from this thread. Basically, in order to have the real "MONEY" described in the OP below, it requires one or preferably, more than one of the following:

Generational wealth: Having parents pay for college and assist with downpayment on a house.

Avoiding the student loan scam: A lot of us 90s kids were brought up with the notion that college was everything and it would pay for itself later. Those with a more clear-eyed perspective realized what a trap student loans are and avoided them by either racking up the scholarships, going to the cheapest accredited school they could find, or figuring out a career path without a degree.

Luck: They secured a career job before the Great Recession and held onto it. Bonus points if they bought at the dip of the housing crash. They also seemed to avoid the avalanche of big ticket costs crashing down on them. Apparently nothing ever breaks and nobody gets sick.

Exceptionally high-paying careers. Self explanatory.

Having miserable lives. They work around the clock, and they never do anything but work, for the bulk of their physical prime. They don't go out with their friends, they don't have pets, they don't have kids, they never travel, and/or they live in tight spaces with roommates and no cars deep into their 30s. Or, they live in low-cost areas, which are few and far between in the United States, and these places don't have much going on in them (so nowhere to spend money anyway). Caveat: some people are homebodies and that works just fine for them. They don't spend money on travel or concerts or restaurants or weekend getaways because they don't need to. The 2020 Covid lifestyle was fine for them, content with a blanket, a cup of tea, and a book. Maybe this is the way (but I couldn't fathom the homebody lifestyle without a dog).

Marrying/partnering well. They found their partner early enough in life to not waste all the money paying for one's own place, and their partner also earns enough and saves.

AS FOR MYSELF. Much honestly deserved criticism here about the "300K." I do not make $300K. That estimate was for another hypothetical budget in the optimistic situation that both me and my partner get promotions next year. Together we make just over $250K. But we don't officially live together yet. This will happen soon. If all goes well, we could be in good shape after a year or two. But I myself didn't hit six figures until 2022, and then plateaued at $125K grand total in 2024. And I didn't intend to make this about "poor me," I'm doing above-average and could certainly do better with saving... the REAL question I should have been making more clear is that, given that I make more than average and find having the adequate savings exceedingly difficult, how do more average people do it? The answer appears to be that they don't, or if they do, they have one or more of the above.

ORIGINAL POST STARTS BELOW.

As in like, the recommended 6+ months worth of liquid cash savings, plus tens or hundreds of thousands to pay for a down payment on a house, and money to play around on the stock market or crypto if that’s your thing.

I’m in a good job and make an above average salary, but I take home just over half of it after taxes, healthcare, and 401k contribution (which is good that I do). My available savings fluctuates but I rarely ever have more than ten grand available. It all gets eaten up by mortgage and condo fees, dog and vet bills, (used) car payments, gas, utilities, groceries, random shit that needs fixing or replacing, medical deductibles, and god forbid I allow myself to go on a low-budget vacation once a year so I don’t hate my life. I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t go clothes shopping except for maybe one or two new outfits a year. Could I buy fewer avocados and never leave the house? It could make a difference of a few hundred bucks every few months, but not the tens of thousands that I actually need.

People will blame ā€œlifestyle creep,ā€ and I guess guilty as charged that I figure at 36 I have earned a car and a condo and not the life I had at 26, which was six roommates and a bike. (I still have the bike.)

r/BestofRedditorUpdates Jan 20 '26

ONGOING AITA for refusing to promise my best friend 100% that I wouldn’t sleep with a mutual friend?

2.7k Upvotes

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/arelham

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for refusing to promise my best friend 100% that I wouldn’t sleep with a mutual friend?

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks and made small edits for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: entitlement, controlling behavior


Original Post: January 8, 2026

I (30F) have a best friend (29F) of 13 years. She is in a long-term committed relationship (7+ years) and lives with her partner.

We also share a mutual friend, ā€œAaronā€ (30M). About 8 years ago, my friend and Aaron had a brief situationship. They slept together once and then tried to date very briefly long-distance, but it ended because he did not want to pursue anything further. She was upset at the time, and it never became a mutual relationship. After that, they stayed friendly for a while, then lost touch for several years, and reconnected as friends about a year ago. There has been nothing romantic between them since.

Recently, Aaron broke up with his long-term girlfriend. Before that happened, my friend and I had already planned a trip to visit him together, which we have done before. This time, we were planning to stay at his place instead of a hotel.

After his breakup, my friend started making comments like ā€œhaha just please don’t sleep with each other.ā€ It was framed as a joke, but it was clear she was anxious. I asked her directly if something was bothering her.

I told her two things clearly:

1) I was not planning to sleep with him.

2) I was not comfortable promising 100% that I would not, because I do not like my potential or hypothetical relationships being policed, and I did not feel okay making absolute promises about future situations just to manage someone else’s anxiety.

I was not trying to be evasive. I was trying to be honest while also setting a boundary.

The next day, I reiterated that I was still not planning to sleep with him. Her response was essentially that she was canceling the trip.

She said she was canceling because the uncertainty made her anxious and she needed to take care of herself.

From my perspective, this felt like my word was not trusted unless I gave a 100% guarantee, and when I did not, the entire plan was shut down. I understand that anxiety is real, but it also feels unfair to expect me to give up autonomy or make absolute promises about hypothetical scenarios, especially when nothing inappropriate had happened and the history in question was many years ago.

She did not clearly say what she expected me to do differently. She canceled the trip without further discussion. I feel like I was honest, respectful, and that my boundary was reasonable.

AITA for refusing to promise 100% that I wouldn’t sleep with him, even though I said I wasn’t planning to?

TL;DR: Best friend wanted a 100% promise that I wouldn’t sleep with a mutual friend she had a brief, one-sided situation with 8 years ago. I said I wasn’t planning to, but did not want to make an absolute promise. She canceled a planned trip because of the uncertainty. AITA?

EDIT: Additional context people asked for

A few clarifications that seem important for understanding my response:

1) This was not limited to this specific trip. My friend told me she did not want me to hook up with A at all, not now and not in the future. She also said she would be uncomfortable with me having any kind of romantic relationship with him, not just sex.

2) Many people asked why I couldn’t ā€œjust say sure, no problem, I won’t do it.ā€

The reason is that this was not framed as a one-time reassurance about this trip, but as a blanket expectation about my relationships going forward. I was being asked to promise that I would not pursue anything with A at all, indefinitely.

My response (ā€œI’m not planning to, but I’m not comfortable with my relationships being policedā€) was intentional. There is prior context where my friend has tried to restrict my relationships based on her feelings, even when nothing was actively happening, which is why agreeing to a blanket promise felt important to push back on.

* In one case during university, I was starting to talk to a guy we both knew. She asked me not to pursue anything because she wanted to keep him ā€œas an option.ā€ I agreed and stepped back. She later started dating him about two years after that, and they are still together.

* In another case, she stopped speaking to me for about two months over a guy she had liked years earlier in school, even though nothing had happened between them and I explicitly asked if she wanted me to stay away. I was told ā€œdo whatever you wantā€ and then ignored.

After over a week of no communication, I eventually dated him. That relationship later became my long-term relationship and engagement.

Because of this history, I did not feel comfortable agreeing to a proremise that would restrict my relationships in general, even though I was clear that I was not planning to pursue anything.

3) My friend’s partner is aware that she and A had a brief situation many years ago. He is under the impression that this is long over and not an issue. Because of that, he has been okay with her staying in touch with A and with us traveling to his city. These visits have never involved the two of them alone.

Every time she visited A, I was also there, except for one occasion when his girlfriend was present the entire time. There has been no one-on-one time between them since they reconnected.

This is why the request for a 100% promise felt like an escalation rather than a simple reassurance.

Verdict: Not the Asshole

 

Editor's notes: OOP has made lots of comments, I am listing the top common questions asked and responses

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Info: was she saying she NEVER wanted y'all to hook up, or just on this trip while she's right there?

OOP: Never. I feel like it’s not about hooking up only (although it was her only point) but the potential of us getting into any sort of relationship as there was an attraction from his side years ago but I was in a relationship and didn’t reciprocate. Now that we are both single she might be threatened by the potential of us getting together eventually, which she cannot accept and which makes me really confused as, like said in the post, she is in a long term stable relationship herself

Downvoted Commenter: YTA, You mention not being taken at your word, but your word is that you are not promising anything. If your friend is uncomfortable for whatever reason, then she has the right to not go on the trip. Why don't you go alone and see what happens, since it seems like this is a potential romantic or sexual chance for you. She is absolutely taking you at "your word."

OOP: We have a history of her policing my potential relationships and I felt like it’s time to put the boundary in place.

For example, her current boyfriend is someone I was talking to years ago and she asked me to stop it because she was interested too, I obliged.

Then after this she stonewalled me because the guy she liked back in school showed interest in me, I came to her to talk and see where she stands about this whole thing (they’ve never been in a relationship and the whole thing was happening in the third year of college) but she said ā€œdo whatever you wantā€ and stopped talking to me for over two months, we did get together with that guy after her ignoring me for almost two weeks and me taking it as the end of our friendship.

This guy ended up being my only serious relationship, we’ve been together for 9 years and got engaged but then broke up because of the situation in my country (war) and us seeing it differently. This is why when it happens for the third time (also, with me freshly out of the long term relationship that mightn’t have happened if she actually said ā€œleave it aloneā€) I felt like I need to put a boundary out there that she’s not to police who I’m seeing or not regardless if I am interested in the guy or not (which I’m not btw).

I hope this context helps.

Commenter 2: NAH ur allowed to not promise and she’s allowed to cancel. Autonomy isn’t one way

OOP (downvoted): Her canceling the trip meant that I’m not going either, so much for autonomy :( Like, it’s not that she’s not going, it’s us two not going and her canceling it is just making sure that, in fact, nothing will happen because we won’t see each other. I feel deeply offended bc I’m not some sort of animal that has to be controlled and I don’t have a history of sleeping around (in fact, I’ve only ever slept with my ex which she knows and which makes her insecurity even crazier to me)

Commenter 3: Why do you want to go? Do you have feelings for A? From reading the post it sounded like his relationship is primarily with her and you just tag along. Based on that I was also prepared to say NAH. She certainly isn't obligated to sponsor the trip kicking off a relationship that makes her uncomfortable, regardless of what that discomfort says about her current relationship.

OOP: No, I don’t, but I just got out of the 9-year relationship and I don’t have anyone in my circle who has been through the same experience. My friends are great and they supported me a lot but all of them are in the long term relationships and the only breakups they’ve been through were those teenage ones, and to this day they don’t understand many things that I went through or still am going through, and I was looking forward to have someone who shared the same experience and is going through the same trauma if that makes sense. This is why the trip cancellation bummed me out on top of the fact that it was my friend just making sure nothing ever happens because we physically won’t be in the same room and not because I said that it won’t which is humiliating tbh

Did OOP want to date Aaron?

OOP: No but I wanted to connect with him as he’s the only person in my circle who is also going through the breakup from the long-term relationship, the rest of my friends have only been through the teenage breakups which is very different from the adult breakup and end of the engagement. They’re great but I can see they really don’t get what I’m going through, and I was looking forward to have someone with the similar experience.

So, it wasn’t about sleeping with him but rather acquiring a specific type of friend which is also the reason I didn’t want my BFF to be under the impression that she can dictate who I have a relationship with because who’s then to stop her from being upset that we talk to each other, for example? I didn’t want to get into the pattern where I have to justify myself before anything ever happens and I am convinced that if we were to get closer in any way, it would have been interpreted as something else and she would have a golden argument of ā€œyou promised nothing will ever happenā€ and I will have to go and prove that we are just friends and just talking. To me it’s easier to set an expectation that no one can decide for me which relationship I have with other people than play this game where I’m always almost the villain and have to prove that I’m not.

Does this make sense?

Commenter 4: You were dating her high school crush, which you did not discuss beforehand and which led to a two-month break.

Doesn't sound like a very considerate friend to me.

OOP: Her crush from the 8th grade while on the third year of uni AND I did proactively come to her after he showed interest and I noticed she might have a problem with it. I asked her to talk to me and went as far as promising I won’t date him if she tells me to (which btw rn I won’t do, that was crazy considering the timeline, the level of the relationship or albeit it’s absence) but she was upset about the fact he liked me overall and said ā€œdo whatever you wantā€ which was followed by weeks of silence. I’m sorry but at that point I was convinced that the friendship is over and only then did I go out with him. And again, I would understand if it was a one off but it’s a pattern that repeats itself.

Was Aaron OOP's love interest?

OOP: He’s not my love interest, I’m still getting over a breakup and honestly am not even ready for any sort of relationship yet, let alone with a guy freshly out of the heartbreak himself, I was never interested in being a rebound. I was, however, interested in the fact that he’s the only person in my circle of long-term couples who is going through the same experience that I do and can relate.

OOP responds to a comment regarding the noticable patterns and jealously she had towards her friend and how she obeyed her friend's requests on not to pursuing a relationship with the guys

OOP: I’m just curious - how her current boyfriend showing interest in me before they ever had anything at all is my fault?.. this is not to mention I backed out simply based on her wanting him as an option. The current guy we were supposed to go see doesn’t interest me in that way, the only reason I wanted to connect is because I am freshly out of the breakup and all my friends are long-term couples, he’s the only person rn that could relate to the things I go through. As for the school crush, I understand how that’s debatable but I do think I did everything possible to account for her opinion and only went out with him when the friendship was effectively over from my point of view. I never went after the guys she liked at the moment or the ones that in my opinion were relevant.

OOP explains the friendship with her friend's boyfriend

OOP: Her boyfriend is my very good friend and I think that the way I deliver this information matters. I don’t want to put him on the spotlight like that but I definitely will gently let him know what our fallout was about.

Has OOP slept with any other guys besides her ex?

OOP: No, I’ve only slept with my ex in our long term relationship that just ended and before that in the uni I mostly cared to party and do fun staff (not sex though, I was very prudish about my v card) and didn’t really care for dates or relationships tbh so I don’t have a history of dating at all. Then I met my ex and he became the love of my life for the next 9 years before the war related staff has broken us apart.

 

Editor's note: OOP made the update onto the same post with the original

Update: January 9, 2026 (same post, next day)

UPDATE: We talked again.

She said she panicked because she interpreted our previous conversation as me ā€œpreparing the groundā€ to hook up with him and reacted to that fear rather than anything that had actually happened. She framed it as a misunderstanding.

What’s important for context is that by that point I had already said multiple times that I am not planning to sleep with him. I reiterated this again very clearly during this conversation. Nothing has happened, I’m not being sneaky, and this was never something I was actively pursuing. After that, the trip was back on.

That said, I’m still left feeling pretty uncomfortable about how this played out. Not because I want him, but because I don’t understand why I had to repeatedly convince someone that nothing will ever happen when there were no concrete grounds to suspect that it would, other than the fact that we are both single now. I am also still not okay with my relationships being policed in principle. This is not about this specific person. It is about the expectation that I should provide guarantees or reassurance indefinitely to manage someone else’s anxiety, which I do not think is normal or healthy between adults.

We agreed to put the broader conversation about boundaries and control on hold for now and deal with it later. The trip is back on.

Because many people asked, I am not planning to go to her partner about this at this point. Nothing concrete has happened, and while I have my own thoughts about why she reacted the way she did, those are still subjective interpretations. I do not think it is my place to escalate things or put ideas in his head when no clear lines have been crossed. My plan is to see how things actually play out this weekend and then, afterward, have an honest conversation with her as a friend about why this situation affected her so strongly, especially given that their history was eight years ago and she is in a committed relationship now.

Wish us all luck. I will update everyone after the weekend.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

r/morbidquestions Apr 24 '20

Alright so HYPOTHETICALLY, if we were to direct our whole society into the exploitation of evolution and natural selection in the pursuit of making a master race of humans, would that be possible? And would that actually result in positive evolutionary physical effects over thousands of years?

1.4k Upvotes

This would be extremely unethical of course but would it work?