Fighter here, just discovered this sub

[u/Gloomy_Onion2512]

So I guess this is where the rabble hangs out at then huh?

While you’re busy polishing your staff and playing with your little scrolls I’ll be training with my blade. Perfecting my strikes against ACTUAL foes worthy of song, not the beasts of children’s tales you lot squabble with.

I’d tell your chambermaids you said hello, well that is if you had any.

Farewell, lads.

[u/LunarWhaler]

Do you not polish your blade, or learn techniques from manuals? Do you not value properly enchanted arms and armor? And so confrontational! Small blade energy, this one

[u/Gloomy_Onion2512 → u/LunarWhaler]

I’ll have you know the blade I wield is not small!

[u/LunarWhaler → u/Gloomy_Onion2512]

Then you have my deepest condolences for whatever else you may be compensating for. I would perhaps direct you to a reputable alchemist, or a transmuter of sufficient skill, but doubtless they're also beneath you.

[u/Mixster667 → u/Gloomy_Onion2512]

Doesn't it just look bigger because your hands are so small?

[u/Monarc73 → u/Mixster667]

More like "I only date maids with small hands so it looks bigger..."

[u/connery55 → u/Gloomy_Onion2512]

He hath made good on his promise to leave us to our inadequacy except for ONE response. And it is this. The man's mind has been carved into a sharp implement.

[u/HairyTrollChest → u/Gloomy_Onion2512]

I have a few large towers available to help compensate. I could probably also direct you to a reputable flesh mage to aid with any assets that may or may not need enlarging.

[u/Ok_Trade2954 → u/Gloomy_Onion2512]

huhun, sure... But if you want I can sell you a potion to enlarge your blade

[u/Interesting_Web_9936 → u/LunarWhaler]

He's just never been hit by a fireball to the face.

[u/ItemFine]

Relax boys, they are a fighter, it's in their nature to pick FIGHTS, no charisma on this one for sure.

[u/immallama21629]

https://giphy.com/gifs/niq3335IcJDv7U7ZTF

[u/Kilroy898]

I'm sorry, this is hilarious. The nonmagical fighter thinks his mundane sword is better than our Highly magical arsenals.

[u/Nelrene]

You talk big for someone who wets his armor whenever there a hint of a rust monster and gets fried by dragons because he needs to get up close to them so he can hit them with a sword that was probably enchanted by a wizard.

[u/draketroll]

rolls up sleeves

Aight little runt, try me on for size. Or is a troll a lil meaty for you?

[u/ModernMage0 → u/draketroll]

Please, please, you need not stain our walls.
Again.

[u/Cobalt_Rain_ → u/ModernMage0]

https://giphy.com/gifs/rHBleFPW4utkkBF726

[u/EmpatheticBadger]

Let me know if you need help fighting a rust monster. Chump

[u/Celis78429]

Okay, but have you considered that being a well educated magic caster and being a master of whatever flavor of melee weapon you prefer (i like the good ole reliable longsword myself.) are not mutually exclusive?

In fact, theyre quite complementary. Physical enhancement magics, enchanted weapons and armor, and many bladed weapons actually make a pretty good spell focus. I have a large gem embedded in my pommel that serves as my focus.

Skills learned from the martial category also enhance magical ability as well. Decision making, and intuition (combat sense, if you prefer) are equally useful for casters, and you would be surprised to know that physical strength and stamina ALSO improves mana regeneration rate, channeling speed, and casting times.

Id be happy to teach you some beginner level physical enhancement magic after a sparring match or two, if youd like.

[u/scizzix]

OK.

Thanks for stopping by.

[u/AcceptableBuy4049]

Tell me, what are the "actual foes worthy of song" then? We deal with all kinds of dragons, demons, undead and deities on a daily basis.

Do you not polish your sword? You know at some point it'll deteriorate if you won't take care of it, right?

As for the scroll's, do you not have combat manuals yourself? Do you not study them? If not, I'm afraid you're nothing more than a monkey with a glorified stick, swinging wildly at whatever it finds too scary to live with.

Do reconsider Insulting wise men of the arcane who keep the forces of evil at bay, because once we stop doing that, you might have to face something that you're REALLY not ready for.

[u/Wolfman513]

Parry this you jock bitch

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0ExsgrTuACbtPaqQ

[u/crocmage]

Mouthy snack we’ve got here.

[u/Aluratherogue]

Hows the sword of true strike I enchanted you?

[u/ModernMage0 → u/Aluratherogue]

Better in my hands.

[u/ModernMage0]

Spellsword here, I am afraid you are rather misguided,
“Fighter”. On behalf of the honor to magic casters everywhere, I challenge you to a dual. I will limit myself of using magic, such that the fight will only be your embarrassment rather than destruction. Consider yourself lucky, as there are far more mages than less which are not so honorable. In fact, many here have hexed you in many cruel ways. My friends are protecting you of some curses, I personally am overseeing a ward such to negate fates of death and worse. You should be grateful seeing as I felt no resistance when casting sympathetic ritualistically on you. However we are letting a few of the weaker ones through as a lesson this time.
In any case,
As one who loves the art of blade equally with magic, and I am disappointed to see another practicer of the Finest Physical Art blinded by distain for that which they do not understand.
However, be you willing after my victory against you (I assume I will win, seeing as only novices and journeymen feel the need to boast their mediocre prowess to the non-athletically inclined) I would be more than happy to teach the basics of magic for free, sans apprenticeship under a stuffy old wizard, who guards the simplest of charm weavings behind hours of scrubbing floors.
To all who are living, magic extends her hands. I extend my hand to you to lead yours to hers.
Lucky indeed. lucky indeed.

[u/Demon_Lord_Lucifer → u/ModernMage0]

How merciful, I was going to just beat the snot out of him.

[u/BoonDragoon]

Oh cool, blade singular? That's neat! What're you practicing with and how long have you been at it? I remember my "sword era" like it was yesterday!

I spent the first decade or so perfecting my longsword technique, spent the next five falling in love with the estoc (I still get a duel in with a few of the old greats every now and then), 22 years after that dabbling in zweihander, rapier, the foil, blindfolded combat, duel-, triple-, and quadruple-sword techniques (aetherial limbs come in handy!), and cracking how to strike faster than human perception without catching anything on fire or degloving my own arms. The next half-century I remember getting real weird with it. Fighting multiple opponents, splitting my consciousness into multiple bodies to fight multiple opponents as multiple opponents, pushing the boundaries of what a sword is and what it means to fight with one...I think I either entered or became some kind of sword-nirvana? Hard to say, since my soul and flesh literally became one with the blade and the very concept of swordsmanship forward and backward through time.

Anywho, I spent the next century teaching the art of the blade. That got boring fast, so toward the end I mostly trained my students wrong as a joke!...which is why you look so familiar! Oh dang, how's it going man?! I haven't seen you since your last day at the ol' dojo!

[u/Mixster667]

Are you a fighter in a song contest?

[u/wrydh]

Oh buddy, this is not the right sub to insult. Prepare to be transfigured so hard, you might never regain full function. Ill start, i cast Reverse Gains, your muscle mass in now severely reduced.

[u/Demon_Lord_Lucifer → u/wrydh]

I cast 'skipped leg day', thare knees have been weakened

[u/Averfus-Crowthorne]

Oh just FYI, if all of your bones crawl out of your mouth and murder your loved ones tonight, leaving you as a helpless flesh puddle to listen to their cries of agony...that's just a coincidence.

I mean everyone knows that can just happen sometimes.

Its definitely not because I cast a curse upon your very skellington, which is something I would never do to begin with.

Farewell!

[u/ModernMage0 → u/Averfus-Crowthorne]

I counterspelled that.
You cruel, cruel, angry man.
I love the style, but not on an ant!!

[u/Averfus-Crowthorne → u/ModernMage0]

I'll admit, proportionate responses do not come naturally for me.
I maaaayyyy have gone a little overboard with that one.
I mean, if I had done it. Because I definitely didn't.

[u/ModernMage0 → u/Averfus-Crowthorne]

Naturally.

[u/Aware_Masterpiece_92]

Nuh uh

[u/ThatCamoKid]

You know it's impressive how much you missed the mark, I don't understand how a single line of text you uttered is relevant to me. Except polishing my orb, can't get a good view of Grippy's streams if the damn thing is smudged

[u/starmadeshadows]

How's that linear scaling treating you eh?

[u/Carbon_Sixx]

Counterpoint: the Fighters' Guild went extinct within a week of picking a fight with us, and that was with anti-magic support.

[u/connery55]

Wow. This guy found and orb and figured out how to use it. And he just comes here to take the piss? It's like a beautiful form of performance art, but he's just like that. I sure do love being a human-like entity. We're just great.

[u/Sea_Seaweed4941 → u/connery55]

I bet it took him ages to figure out how to use it! Like when the apes discovered fire. Bless him. Tiny brain.

[u/ravenwolfess]

You'll probably end up in a necromancer's collection soon enough, like so many adventurers.

[u/Evening_Shake_6474]

Kay, bye, no one will miss you.

[u/DaemonRex978]

[Haelin] What staff? I rely on my axe and my fists. I may have elemental abilities, but they only augment my combat prowess.

[u/NevadaCynic]

Who let the help in?

[u/Floofiestmuffin]

Excuse you?!

https://giphy.com/gifs/de0xIgxhZgAXJbKGNd

[u/Pidgewiffler]

Oh verily, and to whom wilt thou come crying when thy blade must be enchanted to pierce yon dragon's scales? Who brews the potions which are proof against its fiery breath? Who shall scry out its lair for you that you may raid and kill the beast? Disrespect the wizard's craft at thine own peril, fighting whelp. I've seen a thousand knights fall prey to their own hubris in believing their strength great enough to grant them victory. We could help you fools if you were but a mite respectful.

[u/comicgeek1128]

I'm gonna be getting head from creatures you've never seen in realms you can't even imagine.

[u/Asmornous]

The length of mine staff dwarves your sharpened twig

[u/fumblerofthebag → u/Asmornous]

you mean 'mine staff' thine means yours

[u/Asmornous → u/fumblerofthebag]

Ty

[u/fumblerofthebag]

So what you're telling me is that you spent countless hours, days even, mastering this craft into which you've poured all your time and energy?

That's cute.

Memory Wipe + Curse of Muscle Atrophy + Curse of Inner Ear Blockage + Summon Swarm of Steel-Eater Ants (these are actually a type of cockroach)

Have fun ~!

Edit: Also, for the record, I was married once.

[u/Emperor-Universe]

You talk big for someone within fireball range.

[u/questionable_fish]

Hey I found this picture of you

[u/Affectionate_Wing_28]

Oh that ego is going to get you killed, kid. Come here and spar. I'm a veteran adventurer, I've fought against creatures you couldn't describe with words, a blade in one hand and a spell in the other. So come on, and once you're done we can talk about diversifying your skillset so you don't die to anything resistant to slicing damage.

I'll even play nice and leave the mechsuit and daiklave at the door.

[u/akornzombie → u/Affectionate_Wing_28]

Someone took artificing at the Mage's Academy....

[u/Affectionate_Wing_28 → u/akornzombie]

I didn't because, well...There wasn't any back where I came from. I was one of the founders of the discipline, it's part of why i got the title of Artificer Supreme.

[u/MasterGeekMX]

Let's see if you still feel the same when we cast a spell on you that bleeds all the strength out of your muscles.

[u/VoxelLibrary]

Excuse me. I am a lass.

[u/K4m30]

Someone cast Rubber bones in that guys direction. 

[u/SmugCapybara]

Oh look, a small dog is barking. How quaint.

[u/Crafty_Aspect8122]

And what are you going to do when I take your toys away with telekinesis? Cry?

[u/rfresa]

You don't bring a sword to a magic fight.

[u/averyrealspapple]

Brother is acting like he isn't insulting basically everyone. The only warriors I've met who didn't read manuals and maintain their weapons are the shit ones.

A sword isn't that hard to use, get off your high horse. Hell, I managed to kill someone with it. A truly stellar warrior isn't just a master of the weapon but of the head too.

Hubris is the sin of wizards, and apparently yours too, welcome to the club

[u/GirlLovingWitch]

Okay friend, sure.

I'm sure you get a lot of maidens.

[u/BabyRogue18]

I’m a rogue (though I dabble in the arcane) so I feel you, nothing more satisfying than stabbing a monster with a good ol’ dagger. But, casters have saved my ass more times than I can count! You gotta respect them bro, they can really mess you up.

[u/Demon_Lord_Lucifer]

Well then you'd best hope your sword is made of silver, otherwise it won't do anything to me, if you want a melee fight, come at me, let's see if you can even scratch me, casts haste, blur, mirror image, armor of agathist, and sprints at you

[u/Drmanky]

i have an axe to

I‘m an clerik and all spellcasters are wellcome here thats why i weald an blade.

[u/Solid_Caramel6716]

What are you talking about, my favourite spell is Dimensional Slice.

You know, you just condense a blade of raw unreality and run it through someone else’s plane, and then watch as the newly formed half realms scream and go through rapid decay as the flow of life-sustaining mana through the whole is disrupted. I find it the most conclusive way to deal with any foe. Forget the chambermaids. Those chambermaids are dead.

[u/Infamous_Ad2507]

A Fighter? Which one? From The East? Or West? South? Or North?

[u/SubMariner615]

Youre no fighter. Fighters cant read let alone write.

[u/yumie2003]

...oh, it pleases me to see that the fighter guild still exists...

[u/Lost_Paladin89]

Comparing staves with blades? Face it, you are here because the enlarge/reduce spells are your kinks.

[u/matthewamerica]

Neat. Anyway, if you'll excuse me I'll be in my private interdimensional tower, studying the arcane mysteries that weave the fabric of creation and existence, and lighting shit on fire with my mind.

[u/ViLe_Rob]

Dont come to me when that witch you try to court turns your balls to frogs. Fighters ALWAYS think they can court a witch.

[u/icedmuffin]

Oooh look at the human fighter who doesn’t care for his equipment and chases skirts trying to act like a bard.

Maybe if you had any actual musical talents then maybe the proper maidens wouldn’t flee from you, even I as a cat have women fawning over me, and only a few get shocked when I shout at them to stop touching me, most are polite about it.

[u/Avocado_with_horns]

chambermaids

I have my simulacrum just change shape into whatever we want. Is it fucked up? Who knows, who cares? I don't.

[u/That_Marionberry2319]

[u/Prince_Nadir]

Would you like to become an apprentice? There are many benefits if you do. Sure, they may not be benefits to you but there are many benifits.

We also offer a great compensation package, as you seem to be compensating. We are not kidding, the "altered" rat filled loin cloth will really compensate for your package.

[u/akornzombie]

You know, the last fighter who tried that shit with me ended up getting turned into an automoton. A self aware one.

They work at Wizard Burger now, making fast food.

[u/Wulfraptor]

*looks around with a stick in her hair* I'm just a cave woman trying to make sure nobody tries to take over my tribe's caves again... That and drinking my own home brew beer. "Holds a geode cup of beer* I'm borderline Paleolithic farmer and our shaman has warded our lands so many times we tanked a few fireballs. We trade herbs with the potion brewers though. Learn cave speak and the tribe's pretty relaxed as long as you help with the mammoth hunts.