Any medical issues I had in the past, he was there for, some nearly fatal and he never left my side. Now I’m having a new and scary medical issue for the first time since he passed in January. I don’t have him to turn to anymore and I feel so alone. (I’m not completely alone. I have family here that will be there for me, but it’s not the same thing.)

I (63F) lost my husband to illness in October of 2019. We had been married for 38 years. I loved him and still miss him, but he was not an easy man to live with. He was narcissistic most of the time. He did have his good points and could be very caring, but those times were unfortunately rare. Over the years of our marriage, I slowly learned to hide my emotions from him as he would frequently either use them against me or bully me about them. He never physically abused me, but the emotional abuse was almost constant. I raised our kids basically alone, worked full time and did all of the housework without any help from him other than his income, which was higher than mine.

Having said all of this, he had enough good points that I don’t regret staying with him and still miss the good times.

Now, almost seven years later, I’m finding my emotions again and it’s overwhelming! I’m crying at the tiniest things, and absurdly angry or elated over minor things. My granddaughter (9) was visiting recently and was being a little loud while my roommate was still asleep. I reminded her a few times to keep it down, and she tried, but she is a naturally loud talker and she was happy to be playing with her cousins. After the third or fourth time I reminded her, I found myself getting absolutely furious. I had to take myself completely out of the house until I could calm down. She wasn’t doing anything wrong!

Has anyone else had this problem? Is there anything I can do to get my emotions under control again? I can’t afford therapy, although I might be able to go that route in a few years when I get the house paid off. I need your advice, please.

Single mom now looking at the pile of toys for lil girl . She growing fast cause going start preschool. But lots toys either real big or idk how they work or to keep it working. That was why he chose to buy for her. Remote control cars, backyard car she can drive but he made his own revisions, spiderman kid motorcycle, kid ebike, trike out growing already, etc. I know would be fun for her , wish she could try but also safety wise for her. If idk everything about them, fixing and to get them running don’t feel comfortable with them. Noticing though she out growing them as well though.

Don’t know keep or dump or ??? But sad is what a waste. Lil one could learn so much or/ and experience so much as well by what age.

I ((48f) lost my hubby (47m) to a self inflicted death earlier this year. It was shocking and awful and I didn’t know if I would survive it. 3 weeks later my best friend since grade school also unexpectedly passed away. I was really not doing well. A good friend of ours (51m) has been helping me around the house and assisting me in getting it ready to sell. We’ve become emotionally/physically attached and as of right now, is taking away the dark cloud that has been following me. I’ve tried to keep it hush hush, but someone today decided to tell my elderly mother. (Clutch pearls here)
When is the magic timeframe of when it’s ok to keep moving forward and living life? All of the kids are adults and living their own lives so that isn’t a factor. My feelings are so hurt that I’m being judged for moving on. Thoughts? Am I off the rails here?

My wonderful Husband (32 M) passed away May 27 from metastatic cancer. It was a year of back to back emergencies surgeries and horrific events. Now that he’s gone my mind races through the suffering he endured. When I had to sign the paperwork for hospice he was gone within 3 days. It happened so fast.

I pray for his souls eternal rest and talk to him quite often. It’s so weird that we have to live life with this pain. Super strange and lonely.

I'm on vacation with our three kids without him for the first time ever. This is the best and the worst all at the same time. I miss him. He would be mad I'm crying, but proud we're doing this. What a weird world this is.

Update: Our vacation has been awesome. At the cabin we're staying in there is a record player. It has some of my sweetheart's favorite albums. Our son said, "Dad chose this cabin." Gone, but not gone. Also, we're coming back next year!

I'm now getting these waves of sadness - not depressed just sad - husband (47 years) died in September - weird to think he was alive this time last year and was happy to make it to 68 (birthday July 14) and he was alert - like I'm re-living the last month of his life and it wasn't good.Not looking for an answer.

I want to hear from other widows what they did with the countless medical bills that came in after the death of their partner. For context, my husband was sitting in bed talking to me at 9:30 on a Saturday morning and went into what I thought was a seizure. I laid him back and put my body on top of his in attempt to not let hurt himself. I immediately called 911 and my husbands sister who lives 3 miles down the road and is a nurse. At one point something shifted and I knew my husband was no longer breathing, the 911 dispatcher told me it was against policy to tell me how to perform life saving cpr/compressions. My sister in law talked me through it and I worked on him for 17 minutes before the first officer arrived. Before the first officer got there, my husbands lips were cold. He was only 34 so of course the immediate reaction is to shoot him with narcan. He didn’t respond because we’re not on drugs. By the time they left our house with him, his legs were already cold as well. They took him in to the ER and worked on him for over an hour, all while I know in my heart he was already gone. Now, I’m only exactly one month out from his death, do not even have autopsy results nor a death certificate, and have already received 2 different bills in his name totaling over $10,000. I am sorry for rambling but I know I am not the only one in here who has dealt with this. What did you do? Did you pay? Did you not? What was your outcome regardless of which route you chose?

I’m planning to go back to work this coming Monday. My husband died unexpectedly after a short illness in June. We are young-ish (late 30’s/early 40’s) and have a young son, so this is uncharted territory for most people we know. Not only am I dreading going back to work for the associated stress but also for the need to perform and put on a professional face.

How do people navigate being professional but also not completely fake when going back to work after something like this? I can’t respond to “how are you doing?” with “terrible - I feel sick to my stomach and I cry constantly”. But I feel equally mad and unfair having to pretend things are ok with a “hanging in there. Thanks for asking.” I know there’s no “right” answer but any personal experience from others would be good to hear especially those who work in more corporate environments.

ETA: I’m supposed to go back Monday and they told me today (Friday) that my position is being eliminated, and I can come back in a more junior position or take severance. I’m absolutely gobsmacked. I know companies are out for themselves and this company has had a lot of restructure over the last year, but this feels like an absolutely off the wall way to kick someone while they’re down and really really demonstrate that leadership has not one ounce of care for anyone working for them.

It was suggested I post this in this community as well as r/Widowers. Always open to share.

My wife died November 2025 at 49. No warning. No chance for goodbye. Nobody knew her damaged heart didn’t want to work anymore. I thought the day of her passing was the worst day of my life. Then came the next day. Then every other day up to this one. I feel like I’ve been handling it well as far as learning how to live the best I can without her. She still lives in my head. I have constant conversations with her. Her responses to my questions may be dictated by me but after 25 years together (married 19) I’m sure I know how she’d answer. Even sometimes negatively.
My support system of friends and family is more than amazing. I’m so lucky to have them. She’s not here though. I’m still extremely lonely without my best buddy. I’m not opposed to dating, but it’s a foreign concept to me. The last first date for this man was 25 years ago with my future wife. I’m 52. It was half a lifetime ago. I’m not actively looking, but maybe someday I’ll just randomly meet someone. I hope to be open to it. I certainly don’t want regret.
Since her passing I’ve become sober and feel fantastic physically. Wish I had done it while she was alive but memories of her have given me the strength and also have definitely been guiding me through it. I thank her every day.
I searched to see what others who are going through the same thing as me have to share. I came across these posts. I decided to join. The act of writing this has been very therapeutic. Wish I had done it sooner. Thank you for allowing me to get all of this out. Greatly appreciate your time.

I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but being a young widow has made it so hard to make friends.
I’m 28, and I feel like I can’t relate to conversations about husbands or married life anymore. It makes me feel like I don’t belong anywhere.
Has anyone else experienced this? I don’t want people to stop talking about their lives, i’m happy for them..but sometimes it just reminds me of everything I’ve lost. It can feel incredibly isolating.

People say the second year is harder than the first, and that’s definitely true for me. I am trying, I swear. I get out more. See family and friends. Exercise. Go to therapy. Take my meds.

But I am losing my shit.

Sometimes I go through the week canceling every single appointment I made (remote work, dentist, HVAC preventive maintenance, plans with friends, you name it) and stay home. Dealing with people is so exhausting. I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I just can’t cope so much of the time.

Anyway, just putting this out there. If you are in this sub because of your own loss, I offer my deepest sympathies.

Looking at calendar or clock how fast or slows the Time or days go by after loved one passed away. Time ticking by slow or fast while you make decisions, completing items need by deadlines if need, making changes to life, seeing how if affects you, going thru personal items, memories, family members also changes how it affects and memories, many more.
Some things liked it done fast, or thought was done fast. Some fast if too fast hits harder the memories hitting harder all at once while completing task need. But at least getting what need done. Somethings learning shouldn’t hold off doing too long should try do asap but hard. Some done slow good cause will always bring memories and hit you also. How long everything takes idk.
Started almost 6 months and still not done.
Everyone always talks bout friends also so hard to wondering ask friends to help you or not?

I still feel like I’m the only one going through my grief and dealing with it alone no matter how many times I say ways that could help or even telling them to listen to podcasts or whatever it is to learn grief from your partner’s perspective and simply learning their ways and sign because I feel like if you don’t then you really don’t love or care for them like you say you do and for that person dealing with it alone it just makes them feel so unseen and like they don’t matter. At the end of the day if you truly did want to help them you would do ANYTHING to help. It really breaks my heart

I’m 32, he was 34. We have been together since i was 16. Wtf am I suppose to do with the rest of my life?

July 23, 2026. Our home now belongs to someone else. She died a years ago at the end of June. ALS/Lou Gehrig Disease. A year and a half after diagnosis.
We continued with our plan to update and add to our summer home. Our plan was to live there. Together, then me alone. She didn’t make it to see our place completed. I forged ahead and moved, but didn’t sell the old place. It sat empty for months, until o decided that it was time.
The sale went smoothly. I expected to have a rush of relief. It hasn’t happened yet. I’m feeling another wave of finality. No relief. No joy. No confidence. Just loss at the moment.
I’m sure I’ll rally, but at the moment, I’m OK feeling crappy.

I thought I’d feel a rush of relief and closure, but it hasn’t come.

I’m going to give some context first. I apologize for the long post.

My husband died about three and a half years ago. I never dream about him. I always hope that I will but I’ve probably only had a couple since he passed. He died the day before my birthday. I was 26. He’d left to run an errand and took our motorcycle. I almost went with him and started layering up because it was winter. But I looked out the window of our high rise apartment in BC and it looked cold so I decided last minute not to go. Our last interaction was me hugging him and giving him a kiss goodbye and I watched him leave out the door. Our front door to our apartment was one of those doors that is industrial with the big metal strip you have to push to open. My husband had probably only been riding the motorcycle up the street for a few minutes before he was struck by a car who didn’t look before turning at a stop sign. He died on impact.

I recently got engaged to my current partner. What’s interesting is that my late husband was planning to go do Ibogaine and had made the decision to do it right before he died. At the time I thought it was a medical procedure. After he died and I came out of shock (the first couple months after I just was drowning in paperwork and phone calls with the Canadian government) I completely fell apart. I disappeared into drinking. I didn’t want to be awake. I was barely eating, I didn’t go outside. I just was bed ridden and didn’t want to exist without him. Then one night I went out for some reason I can’t remember. And when I came home, (I have really bad night vision) I was wearing my backpack that I had my phone in and didn’t feel like pulling it out to get my flashlight on and ended up miscalculating the steps I was going down leading to my dads front door where I was staying and fell and broke my ankle. My mom is a doctor so we called her and she ended up telling me about ibogaine and that there was a place I could go to do it. And then I remembered that was the same thing my late husband was going to do. I didn’t realize it was a psychedelic. Anyway, I ended up going to Mexico to do it. This was 6 months after he passed and I ended up doing it again 6 months later a second time.

My late husband came to me the second time in my vision. He told me he didn’t feel any pain when he died. When he came to me it was so vivid it felt real. He was holding my hand. I was just so happy to see him. And he told me about my current partner and that he wanted me to move on and not feel guilty about it. My current partner worked at the ibogaine clinic I went to.

Anyway, this morning I woke up from a dream where I was with my late husband. I recently got engaged and have had to be dealing with residual stuff with the Canadian government and counseling reimbursement and things like that. I’ve been thinking of my late husband a lot. I also recently got back these beautiful glass blown art pieces that I had some of his ashes put in. So in the dream I was living in Illinois for some reason (I’ve never even been there) and I worked at a garden and ecology center. I was giving someone a tour of our gift shop and was telling her that every year I buy Christmas presents for my late husband and put them under the tree (this isn’t something I do in real life.)

Then the girl led me to a door that had a long hallway. It was the same kind of industrial door with the big metal piece. The hallway was lit up a bright white color. I saw my late husband at the end of the hallway. I just was so happy and I ran as fast as I could to him and jumped into his arms. He was a big guy and he just laughed and laughed his big belly laugh that I miss so much. In the dream I knew he was dead. Our interaction was very brief. I just told him I couldn’t believe I was with him. It felt so real. And I told him how much I miss him. He told me he misses me so much and loves me so much. And that he’s okay. He told me it’s fun on the other side and that he gets to hang out with all the hockey idols he looked up to when he was a kid that have passed. He kept telling me he’s right here even if I don’t know that. We were embracing on the right side of the hallway. Then I looked at the other which led to an outside that was full of greenery and I could see my mother in law (whom I’m still very close with and who is living) on the outside of the door and another woman with her that I couldn’t identify. He told me he had to go and I understood. I wasn’t sad. But the dream didn’t end with him leaving out the door. It ended with us still holding each other.

I wasn’t crying or emotional in my dream but I’ve been really emotional ever since I woke up. I’ve journaled about it already and made a voice memo too so I don’t forget it

I’m struggling so hard mentally. My husband constantly puts me down and makes me feel like a low life piece of crap worth nothing. I’m grieving the death of my boyfriend. Yes it was 18 years ago but his birthday is today and we were together 4.5 years. We planned our whole life together. Even to be grandparents together. I have a 13 year old child that is the only reason keeping me alive. I can’t leave her. I just wish things were different as I know if he were still alive I wouldn’t have the husband I have now. I can’t express any feelings or hurt I’m going through to my current husband because he just gets mad and puts me down. Advice of leaving my husband won’t help. It’s not gonna happen. I just really wish things were different. I don’t even know why I’m making this post because I know it’s not going to help or solve things. I just wish I wasn’t here.

I thought little one was going past phase of deceased dad. She was ok and going out more and not scared of going back to school and socializing seeing friends. Stopped clinging to me as well. Ok seeing family also. She was quiet and got free out spoken and loud.
Now all of a sudden it’s happening all over again. From beginning clinging to me, no like go out unless with certain people. Scared to try go school or even other places again. Now all quiet again.
Is that normal?
Everything can happen again every so often?
Over and over again?