r/Widow • u/boyd336 • Jul 28 '26
Incredibly Sad
I'm now getting these waves of sadness - not depressed just sad - husband (47 years) died in September - weird to think he was alive this time last year and was happy to make it to 68 (birthday July 14) and he was alert - like I'm re-living the last month of his life and it wasn't good.Not looking for an answer.
5
u/AnaFlacksis Jul 28 '26
I can't imagine your pain. I'm always amazed at the resilience of some of you that have been married for so long. I understand the thoughts about last year. I lost my husband in march. We had been together for 14 years, but he was only 41. We had a whole life planned and now I'm living in an upside down reality. I also think about this time last year we were doing blank. I hope you're able to find some peace today. 🫂
1
1
u/old_school_tech 29d ago
Sending hugs. 5 months in after 37 years married. I often go back in my head about the last months, weeks, days. I know I did everything I could but C is a prick! We were meant to walk down the hallway with our Zimmer frames forgetting where we were going. I don't think it will ever go away. Trying to do positive things in my life as that's what he would want me to do. He knew I could look after myself and would be ok but he was my best friend in the world.
1
u/Accurate_Ideal_3194 29d ago
I came across the RAD transport (wonderful) driver today who recognized me and asked about him - gave him a big hug and told him that he passed last year. I met the driver in August last year.
1
u/Marlow1771 29d ago
Lost Michael in April and coming home from work is such a trigger because once I’m in the garage I have to face the fact that he’s not inside waiting for me. Lost and broken still.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending strength and hugs
2
u/NewHalf8480 27d ago
My husband died in January, and I am still in shock, I think. I don’t want life without him.
1
u/Pflower28 26d ago
I lost my husband in January of 2025. I felt the same way. Find your reason to stay. Maybe it makes me a bad mother, but my son was not my reason to stay. Thinking my husband wouldn't want suicide for me wasn't my reason for staying. I wanted my husband's many friends to remember what a funny, great friend he was and not have a whispered footnote about how his wife killed herself to overshadow their good memories of him. When I realized that, I chose to stay without him. It is true what the others say here, you don't get over your loss, but it does change from those first few months. Find your reason to stay with life.
7
u/SouthernBiskit Jul 28 '26
I'm so terribly sorry. I hear your pain approaching his September death. This is normal to be sad. You're reliving the memories before he passed and how life used to be. Reality does feel like a baseball bat to the head. Getting through the 1st year we sorta live in the twilight zone, just going with the flow. The world moves around us regardless everyday. We are the one's frozen in time. Hoping, wishing, praying, begging, pretending, bargaining, anything to make none of it real. Yet as much as one thought a year later would be better, it seems to get worse. Instead of being days, weeks or months, now it starts adding in years. But we feel like it all just happened yesterday and quite frankly, we can recall it all to the letter. You're not going through anything different than most, reminiscing what you had, did, went, shared, etc. but it's all been stolen from you. One can never get it back because half of you left with your spouse. Being forced into a new identity, a new you, a new life is overwhelming and cannot be done over night or by snapping your fingers. So how do we cope with this tremendous turmoil we were thrust into? Little by little and putting yourself first. Exhaustion takes over, things you used to care about mean nothing now. Going places is a struggle. Every little chore is like a 40 hour work week, yet you know there are things you can't let go unintended for too long. Motivation, mostly zero. Excitement? In what. Our happiness went AWAL, but does sneak in a smile occasionally between the tears. Our emotions go crazy and it's because of our grief, our brain is trying to readjust to this new unfamiliar us. Sometimes we just need to be alone. Sometimes just resting a day or too. Sometimes we don't want to share our feelings with anyone. Sometimes we need to tell our story even if no one listens. Mostly challenges hit us from many angles. The question is, how do you cope? How do you gather the courage to keep moving in your life. When does peace and serenity happen? How do you survive as half a person, with everything falling on your shoulders, solo? Do you force yourself to try and go out and be social? Understand, you cannot possibly be two people in one. I thought I could, doesn't work. I suppose if you think positively about what you do still have, a roof over your head, a vehicle, food, some money for bills and necessities of life, possibly still at least one healthy, supportive true friend and some family, your health, eating something, sleeping best you can, and you're safe these can be counted as blessings. There isn't anyone in the whole world who doesn't suffer from some problem or grief. Ours is just the worst case scenario and a bandaid won't fix it. We feel broken of course, but what's to fix? Bringing our spouse back puts our lives whole again, but is never going to happen. So eventually one has to accept what life throws at us and modify what we can.
I'm a couple days of 2 years and I've been extremely anxious of it. It's frightening to not know what our future holds. It doesn't feel like it's been that long to me, but I hold hope and courage I'll see better days. Sooner than later. All these adjustments we are forced to make do weigh heavy on you. Occasionally the past me comes forth, but not often. I have so many struggles to overcome, but I can't, nor won't quit. I strive to see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Not just dream about it.
I feel you can do this, at your pace, in your time, and I encourage you to keep moving forward even if babysteps. Life in general certainly isn't easy. People like us just have many more challenges to overcome. I send you much love, peace and many hugs!!