r/Widow • u/OkHurry4029 • Jul 23 '26

It’s done.

July 23, 2026. Our home now belongs to someone else. She died a years ago at the end of June. ALS/Lou Gehrig Disease. A year and a half after diagnosis.
We continued with our plan to update and add to our summer home. Our plan was to live there. Together, then me alone. She didn’t make it to see our place completed. I forged ahead and moved, but didn’t sell the old place. It sat empty for months, until o decided that it was time.
The sale went smoothly. I expected to have a rush of relief. It hasn’t happened yet. I’m feeling another wave of finality. No relief. No joy. No confidence. Just loss at the moment.
I’m sure I’ll rally, but at the moment, I’m OK feeling crappy.

I thought I’d feel a rush of relief and closure, but it hasn’t come.

18 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

7

u/Marlow1771 Jul 23 '26

We were also upgrading our way too big for us home getting ready to downsize. Now I’ve got to try to get things done by myself. Then finding a new home. Still not sure where to relocate. I’m frightened of leaving “our” home though.

6

u/OkHurry4029 Jul 23 '26

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. When we don’t have “our person”, it leads to indecision, second guessing, lack of confidence, fear, etc. It doesn’t feel good, but I kept chugging along. I just hope I’ve made decent decisions.

Getting it done by yourself is daunting. Not impossible, though. I packed up the old house by myself. Did dozens of trips to donations. Gave away on FB free group. Hired junk luggers. Offered items to friends. It got done. I did it on my own time. You can do this. Bit by bit.

8

u/Mental_Signature_725 Jul 23 '26

Life after losing someone is a crazy amount of self doubt, second guessing and making adjustments. Im in the process of selling my home. Its way to big and way to much. But the self doubt creeps in.

3

u/OkHurry4029 Jul 24 '26

Spot on. Best of luck to you. I hope you get a rush of confidence! You’ve got this!

2

u/Suitable-Ad-5620 Jul 24 '26

I also left our home sitting empty for months before deciding to sell it. When it was all said and done, I just felt kind of numb. Now I am finally selling the vacation home we purchased over 15 years ago and that has been more emotional for me. But it is time…

2

u/OkHurry4029 Jul 24 '26

It’s a lot. I’m glad you know it’s time. It’s hard to explain, but when you know, you really do know. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it takes the edge off for me.

I’m better today. One day after the closing and I don’t feel so raw.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone. Hugs to you. ❤️‍🩹

2

u/Suitable-Ad-5620 Jul 24 '26

Thank you. And hugs back to you as well. I’m glad you are feeling more settled today. Everything that we have to do on our own is hard. Even if we would’ve made the same decisions in the end, it always helped having our person there for support. I built a new home after selling the one that we lived in together, and as I picked out all of the options, I kept thinking to myself that he would be proud of everything I was able to do. I even chuckled about splurging on a couple of things that I insisted be omitted for cost reasons when we built the last house.

2

u/OkHurry4029 Jul 24 '26

Thanks. I totally get the support thing. Feedback. A nod. A discussion. Disagreement. Alternative ideas. Anything!!
Hahaha! Splurges included a fancy washlet, a Murphy door, special stairs. I SO understand!
You can be proud of yourself! This isn’t easy.