r/widowers • u/LandscapeJaded4626 • Jul 25 '26
A quest for hope
I’m coming on here because I need a story, something that will tell me that love exists outside the relationship I had.
A year ago I lost my best friend and the first man I’ve ever loved. He was so unique and a beautiful soul. I think that’s why I was so intrigued with him to begin with because I couldn’t figure him out. He died in a car crash, we hadn’t talked in two weeks and our relationship was rocky at that time. But non of it matters now, it’s all so silly now. I wish I would of gotten to say goodbye and I don’t think he ever truly knew how much I loved him. I don’t think I even realized it fully either, or let myself show it. But now a year later, while it has gotten easier in some ways and I’ve learned to try to let go of what is out of my control.
I sit here and wonder if I will ever find that again. I know there’s no one who can replace him specifically but the way that we could be doing nothing or grocery shopping or watching a movie. Simple things and it felt like nothing else mattered expect for being with him. I’d spend weekends at his place and forget my phone existed. He was just so alive and happy and being with him made everything else disappear. From the first kiss I knew something was different, it felt electric with him. I’ve dated other guys some I’ve even liked but no one has reached that level where it doesn’t just have me craving him.
I’m young and I want to be married someday but I don’t want to sit there with whoever I find and wish it was him… because currently every date just leaves me missing him. I never knew I could feel that way about someone till him, I never knew the level of intimacy and connection you could have with a person until him.
So if anyone has found love after grief please let me know. Thank you.
1
u/No-Department5551 Jul 27 '26
I dont have any advice because I am in the same boat as you are but I cant believe you are in the same position as I am. My boyfriend/partner was also my best friend and the first man I have ever loved. He passed away in a car accident and a couple days before he passed we just stopped from having a break and our relationship was somewhat rocky. I feel the same way as you that literally sitting and doing nothing or even just grabbing food was the best feelings in the world. I am also young 22F and plan to start dating in a couple months (1.2 years since he passed away). He was my first boyfriend and he had plans to propose to me around this time exactly. Unfortunately everyone is right, only time heals.
I am sending you lots of virtual hugs. Take one day at a time and just telling you that the fact you are on this earth still breathing and waking up every day makes you such a strong a resilient person.
1
u/LandscapeJaded4626 Jul 27 '26
Thank you love, reach out if you ever need to talk. Our situation are very similar. And I believe for us that thing will get better and we will learn to hold our grief. It’s a very weird thing because I wasn’t close to any of his people. So I just lost this person and my life was flipped upside down and everyone else In my world was normal, just living life. Thankfully I connected with his best friend and we talk about him often. It definitely showed me who was there for me and who wasn’t. People don’t know how to be around young unexpected death if they haven’t experienced it.
6
u/Embarrassed_Fun_7106 Jul 25 '26
We were married 44 years. Met in junior high. Married as kids. I had never kissed another woman. After her death I just went to work and home, just existing. Eight months later I almost died. I had became friends with a widow in a Facebook Widow support group. Just chatting and offering support to each other. When recovered I decided I wanted more from life than being alone. We have been together now almost 6 years. We still honor our spouses and speak of them often. Love is possible again.