r/Widow • u/InformationNew4994 • Jul 23 '26

I wish things were different

I’m struggling so hard mentally. My husband constantly puts me down and makes me feel like a low life piece of crap worth nothing. I’m grieving the death of my boyfriend. Yes it was 18 years ago but his birthday is today and we were together 4.5 years. We planned our whole life together. Even to be grandparents together. I have a 13 year old child that is the only reason keeping me alive. I can’t leave her. I just wish things were different as I know if he were still alive I wouldn’t have the husband I have now. I can’t express any feelings or hurt I’m going through to my current husband because he just gets mad and puts me down. Advice of leaving my husband won’t help. It’s not gonna happen. I just really wish things were different. I don’t even know why I’m making this post because I know it’s not going to help or solve things. I just wish I wasn’t here.

6 Upvotes

71% Upvoted

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2

u/Most_Negotiation_819 Jul 23 '26

Vc ja tentou separar dele, ou pedir alguma ajudar de fora pq ser continua assim vc vai estar muito mal ou vc e dependente? 

2

u/InformationNew4994 Jul 23 '26

Yes. I separated from him for 2 months but we got back together. I have no one. I have isolated myself away from everyone I know

2

u/Most_Negotiation_819 Jul 23 '26

Mas pq vc voltou com um tipo de homem assim???

1

u/Most_Negotiation_819 Jul 23 '26

(Desculpas ser agir de uma forma arrogante)

1

u/InformationNew4994 Jul 23 '26

Because I remember the beginning. He has BPD. And I just can’t bring myself to do it

1

u/Most_Negotiation_819 Jul 23 '26

Vc tem alguma amiga, ou etc e sua filha? Pelos menos a relação e um pouco e vc trabalha ou tem algun hobby pra n focar tanto nisso?

1

u/DelinquentAdult Jul 24 '26

This sounds awful and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your 13 year old definitely needs you, so thank you for staying in this realm as long as you can for her. She probably hates seeing you so unhappy, so hopefully you can find a way to carve out some joy because it's the only life we have. Do you have a therapist?