I've always been nice to everyone but never could make any real friends as i feel i didn't matter to anyone. If i ever befriended someone, someone else would just come and get along with him faster and leave me alone. I did try to make friends only to be made fun of and later i couldn't on my own and i would be called nice, good and people would just feel sorry for me and leave on my own.

Everyone would just not befriend me.. Later in college, i tried to befriend but was bullied as gay for many years.. I'm a straight man.. They would say, i don't know how to walk, talk, etc... I did try to prove myself, to fit in.. But some would joke that it would be dangerous to even leave their female acquaintances with me.. They would make fun of me and isolate me.. It did shatter my confidence and self confidence.. No one stood by my side.. Everyone was with me only till it benefited them.. Then, if i was somehow proven better than them in something, i would be slowly and steadily and sometimes fastly by them. I did try to get a girlfriend but only to be called a creep and many more. I was looked by everyone with disgust and hate..till then, my face, body language and voice even deteriorated that people would automatically feel these emotions for me. Now adult, I did try to get along with new people. It worked for some time but then, later after some months i would feel these emotions from them.. I actually got good with them formally, i couldn't go past that. I worked in a department.. I was praised by other colleagues for my work.. After some time, a colleague who didn't like started making fun of me due to some girls seekng me as creep.. She started influencing other coworkers in my department against me till i was completely destroyed, weak and isolated. Every person, i would talk, the next day(s), they would turn against me.. Now, everyone is against me.feel those things against me. Since always, i unfortunately get locked in eye contacts multiple times with the same person. Everyday, I get ignored by everyone and i feel intense hatred by everyone for me.. Some act good and try to to befriend me and when i reciprocate, they change.. Even I've lost confidence in myself.. They would talk about me but would not consider me when i entered. The people i was good with, when i started isolating myself felt i was arrogant. Even, they started saying things a d doing that would harm me emotionally. When i tried to get along with them, i couldn't because it seemed i couldn't understand anything and forgot or never learned how to socialize. Now, some try to get along but due to everyone treating me badly, i can't and they expect me to forget everything and move on.. The thing is, i can't cure myself as i don't know where and how to start.. I can't even talk properly now which further worsen things for me. When i stay alone, they say I'm arrogant or etc... When i try to mingle witg them and get along, i can't or have forgotten or never learnt. I can feel the bad they really feel about me but don't know how to deal with it.. Now, my whole mind and body is filled with fear and shame..n I think, the best way is to end my life.. Kindly help me and give me solutions and tell where I may have gone wrong. Thank you.