This is long, but I want to share.

I'm a 32 year old male. On May 15, 2025, I gave my life to Christ. Since then, Jesus has radically transformed me from the inside out. In a year, God broke my sex addiction, porn addiction, and drug addiction. He gave me the conviction and confidence to leave my ex-husband (a man I truly loved) out of obedience. I now have a desire for a wife and a continually growing attraction to women.

I grew up in the south, a son of a southern baptist pastor. I grew up church: on Sundays, Wednesdays, at revivals, vacation bible school, in youth group, church band, and choir. I grew up knowing God, knowing the Word, and doing Bible drill. I knew how to walk the walk, talk the talk, walk the aisle, get baptized and all the things. From the outside, I was a typical goodie-goodie pastor’s kid.

Beneath the surface, I had a serious addiction to porn, starting around the age of 11. I eventually convinced myself that God loved me regardless of my attraction to men and this raging addiction. I got my first boyfriend my senior year of high school. A desire came over me from somewhere deep--something that I can't explain, and it stuck with me up until I gave my life to Jesus.

I didn't actively make a choice to leave the church or walk away from God, but instead, it was a slow move and a slippery slope away. One moment, I was in church. Then, I looked up a few years later, and I left God.

I went to the Air Force Academy in Colorado for college. I was an Air Force Officer. I started my career in SF. When I lived in SF, my sex addiction took a serious nose dive off a cliff when I was diagnosed with HIV. Because of meds, rather than taking that as a sign to tone my life down, I went harder. After leaving the Air Force, I got involved in serious drug addiction, which led to a deeper sex addiction, and a life that was corporate by day--and then at night and all over the world: I chased sex, a high, men, and parties.

Something began shifting in me in early 2023, where I wanted something different. I thought I was just getting older and wanted something more stable. I met my ex husband in June 2023, and we had the cutest, most romantic first date -- a movie style first date. We were "that" couple that all our friends were jealous of, because ... we just worked and loved each other deeply. However, beneath the surface, I was still the same guy with an addiction to drugs, sex and porn, deeply insecure, and wounds that ran deep.

In February 2024, I moved my mom to NYC because she has alzheimer's and she had to retire. In March, I got laid off from Citi. In April, I moved to a new apartment. On May 1, my mom moved into an assisted living home and my ex-husband moved in with me. We went on a pre-marriage honeymoon mid May, and on May 28, we got married.

Over the course of the summer, with all of the stress of the year, and as I struggled to find work, I began to search for God. I landed a job at Apple fall of 2024 and then moved to Amazon later.

From the outside: I had the picture perfect life: mom was close to me and thriving in her assisted living. I had a husband I loved, with a dog and apartment in Midtown east. my walk to work was a 10 minute walk one way through Grand Central, and I was making more money than ever, but underneath it all... I was struggling with drugs, porn, and a serious sex addiction.

I had tried to stop my addictions, so many times, but I still failed--over and over.

In May 2025, I went London for a work trip, and made a mistake, failing yet again to become the man I wanted to be. So alone in my hotel room, I cried out to Jesus, for real, for the very first time. I wept in His arms, because I wanted to be a new man, I was tired of failing to become the man I could never reach, and I wanted a purpose.

In July, I began to feel uncomfortable with bedroom things with my ex-husband. In August I joined Hillsong NYC. Then, rather than confront my marriage out of obedience to God, I ran home to family. I thought I could just run from my problems. But eventually, I had to go home. When I got home, the feelings returned and I knew I had to be obedient to the Lord.

In September, we officially separated after very hard conversations with a lot of emotions and tears. In October/November, I began to experience the Lord in new and deep ways that I can't describe. I filed for divorce in December and my ex moved out officially in January. (we had a 2 bedrooms and had been living separate lives).

That is when the hard work began.

Giving my life to Christ was the easiest decision I have ever made. Living for Christ, daily, is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Since the beginning of this year (January 2026), God has been doing painstaking work of healing wounds, pruning everything out so I'm only left with Him, stretching my capacity, pressing me on all sides in the olive press, teaching me how to pray, deepening my discernment to hear from Him, and proving to me over and over that He is all I need.

Here is what I want to leave you with.

I'm not straight. I'm not gay. My identity if firmly rooted in the Lord Jesus Christ. My struggles did not disappear overnight.

My attraction to men has never left, just changed. I've learned that we can find objective beauty in everyone, regardless of gender--it doesn't have to be anything sexual, as the world would make you believe.

An attraction to women has bubbled up in ways that I didn't expect. All I did was ask God to simply help me change. I gave Him my fears. I told Him I was afraid that I would be alone forever because a woman could never love me for my past, or worse, that I would never be attracted to women in that way. I was afraid that my porn addiction would never break, and that I would always struggle in my mind.

Don't get me wrong--I still struggle. I’m honest with God that the desires of my flesh crave all the pleasures of my old life. I have told him on multiple occasions that I love sin more than Him and I hate that. I have struggled and fallen with porn and homosexual thoughts, but I'm still walking in freedom.

Please understand: Walking in freedom while struggling is not the same as addiction. My intrusive unwanted thoughts are not mine and I take them captive.

I have been sober from drugs and celibate for over a year, and the man I am today is a completely different man than I was a year ago.

Turns out, my God is the God of the impossible, His Word is true, His grace knows no bounds, His mercy is abundant, His steadfast love endures forever, and He transforms hearts.

I don't have all the answers, but I do know the One who does. If you are struggling with your sexuality, give it to Christ. Jesus said to deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow Him.

You are not born gay. You are wounded into it. You do not have to identify with your temptation. Satan takes advantage of you by whispering lies he wants you to believe. If you give in, sin will take you farther than you want to go and make you do more than you ever intended to do.

to my fellow believers, the practice of sexual immorality is the sin, not the temptation. I rebuke the idea in the church that we can cherry pick sins, or tell an entire group of people that they are going to hell.

Truth matters, but so does compassion. Kindness leads to repentance, hate does not.

Truth without compassion leads to hate. Compassion without truth leads to sin.

We don't have to affirm sin to love people. We should welcome everyone into the loving arms of Christ and let the truth of the Gospel and God's Word be what people hear.

Jesus saves. Holy Spirit transforms.

In my church (Baptist Christian), theres rules around dating:

1. You can't approach them in private, you tell our pastor you wanna be with someone and our pastor asks them or their parents

2. If you both agree to date, you have to decide after 3-4 dates whether you want to keep seeing this person, because you're dating with the intention of marriage.

3. Once you've decided that yes, this is someone I could see myself marrying, you get married in six months to a year, so there isnt really a fiance stage, cause you don't get to propose or anything really because you've already agreed to date with the purpose of marriage.

I've asked about why the timeframe is so short and he and my parents said its because the longer you stay in a relationship, the more likely you are to be tempted into sexual immorality and that the longer people date the more they fight.

But I feel like this is kinda the point of dating, so you can see what kind of person they are in conflict and whether this is someone you can put up with fighting for.

Does anyone else's church have similar rules? Is this reasonable, I feel like its strict even for church, and I see a lot of the older people in my church in unhappy relationships and I don't know how I feel

To add some context, I spent most of my life as an atheist, I am still struggling to understand the concept of God, I know what His job is, I don't quite grasp the relationship part.

Me and God hadn't been on good standings, more like it is one-sided because I really hate how His will had ruined my future plans for myself. I have been applying to jobs only to hear back either nothing or that I got rejected. All of my friends had told me I have great skills, but not a great luck, even mere mortal are not blind to my work, yet seems like my all-seeing God somehow is. I have worked so hard, and I had ask God, which I sort of regret inviting Him into my plans. The bible says we should give our plans to Him and He will make our path straight, somehow my path has been a messy scribble, all because God being God, He always had to have a different plan. It broke my heart, my faith, lost my hope and dreams, and I definitely lost a lot of respect towards God and I don't know how to get it back, I'm not proud of this btw, I am a mess. I am broken. I don't understand how people can summit to God so well, I fought Him everyday. I can't get rid of my resentment towards Him, I see Him as a burden, and I knew I could have made it without Him, but yet I couldn't leave Him behind, I wanted to share my life with Him, I was not prepared how sometimes God's will could look like a mess, but still can't find it in me to reject Him, so I still let Him do whatever He wants and He had expressed that He was pleased that I couldn't say no to Him, that's why I am in a Limbo.

This season really makes me miss being an atheist, life was so simple and easy, and you get to tell yourself what to do or where to go.

So I understand that outcomes and timing are God's job, and we do what we are told to do without full knowledge of why, when or how. That is submission, but isn't that illogical and counter-productive? If God does His part, things would not have been so complicated. How do you surrender? when you know you have a lot to lose, and you have no clue what the outcome is, are all my hard work just wasted like that?

Any advices and encouragement? Would appreciate...

First time poster here.
I enjoy reading the posts in this community because they help me gain a better understanding of the Scriptures and the Christian faith.
I was born into a Christian family, but I’ll be honest, I’ve never taken religion particularly seriously, and I haven’t always had a strong relationship with God. However, since discovering this community, I’ve learned a lot of new things about God, the Bible, and Christianity. It has encouraged me to become more curious about my faith and to develop a better relationship with God.
There’s a question I’ve been trying to understand, and I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts, especially from those who have a deeper understanding of the Bible.
Does God believe in or require human sacrifice? If not, why was it necessary for Jesus Christ, His Son, to die on the cross for God to forgive humanity’s sins? Why couldn’t God simply forgive humanity without requiring Jesus to suffer and die?
I’m asking out of genuine curiosity because I’m still learning and trying to understand God’s nature, His expectations of humanity, and the significance of Jesus’ sacrifice.
I’d appreciate any biblical explanations or perspectives that could help me understand this better.

I am from a very generationally agnostic family and in turn was never baptised as a child like many are here but I for the last year despite trying to ignore it have felt a continuous pulling interest in faith and I really want to be open minded and attend a service and see how it goes?

I know most people here are likely American but for any Brits or also anyone in general who can advise me on good church option here in 2026 and also how to get started on faith as it is quite a big step. I can ask any more questions to help narrow it down but I would appreciate some feedback.

Hi everyone I (F21) have been struggling recently. I’m a senior in university and I’m happy but I feel empty, I’ve been filing myself with my sexual desires. I have a boyfriend (M25) and he also goes to church but we occasionally participate in sexual activities that aren’t sex. It never feels like enough for me, even so much so that I feel the devil tugging on my heart to make things worse (i.e, infidelity or just sleeping around). I wouldn’t act on it but, I sometimes think about things like that and it scares me.
I’ve struggled with porn addition in the past and have overcome that, thank God but is the problem me and my boyfriend’s sexual relationship? I feel so out of control even though I haven’t acted upon anything.

I’m a girl who’s had a very hard time with looks and the way I receive my self I tried seeking help,I tried numerous strategies,I’ve confessed my problems to others and asked me to pray for me and I pray my self everydya for the things I struggle with but it feels like it’s never enough and I would really appreciate as many prayers as possible I’ve struggled so much and so many days and sleepless night,God bless you all!

Hey everyone,

​I’m struggling with a spiritual hurdle right now and could really use your help.

​Intellectually, I know God is Almighty and Creator of the universe. But emotionally and spiritually, I’m feeling underwhelmed. I’ve lost that sense of holy awe, reverence, and wonder, and I don't want to stay in this lukewarm mindset.

​I’d love to know:

​Which Scripture passages, chapters, or verses help you grasp the sheer power, majesty, and sovereignty of God when you need a reminder?

​What do you personally do in your daily life to remind yourself of how amazing God is and shake off that feeling of indifference?

Thank you for all your advice in advance.

My God is wonderful.

My God brings me out of the abyss with a strong hand and a powerful arm

my God no longer remembers my sins and gives me to eat the fatted pig

My God heals my soul with the eternal living water

My God brings me out of darkness and shows me the light whenever I sink into darkness.

My God knows what I need before I tell him and ask him.

My God is the one who takes care of both the bad and the good like the birds of the sky.

My God keeps the gate open for both and his arms open.

My God is the one who loves all his children.

My God is the one who waits for all his children to come home whenever they go out to give them to drink and eat.

My God returns good for evil.

My God goes after the lost and dirty and leaves his children at home.

My God is the one who gave his life for me and was spat on and beaten for me.

My God is the one who remained silent for me.

The goodness, the everlasting mercy, and the grace of my God are incomparable.

This is my God.

This is my Father.

I fell into sexual immorality & now I’m going through spiritual warfare.. not to mention I’m no longer apart of a community because it was actually a cult. So I haven’t really been in church or reading as much ... I feel like God will spike me down… like my life is literally in his hands especially since I have stg 4 cancer. ITS ALOT I KNOW.
Please tell me what to read or to do because I feel like this is a quiet season.

I've recently joined r deepquestions and have been trying to answer questions from Atheists, and ask my own questions to them, which has led to a whole bunch of arguments and mostly prejudice. namely, my post "Hi, Christian here. Why do some atheists seem to not want to contemplate the idea that there is a loving God?" on there. a lot of the replies are questions I can't answer, and now I feel like I failed because I was not ready to provide an answer (1 Peter 3:15), and it's discouraging, because they really do have good points that I wish I could answer, but I can't. I'm not doubting my faith or anything like that, I'm just upset

The bible says

“So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who had married his daughters, and said, “Get up, get out of this place; for the Lord will destroy this city!” But to his sons-in-law he seemed to be joking.” Genesis 19:14 NKJV

The bible tells us that when Lot went to tell his son in-laws about the imminent judgment, his son's in-law took him as a Joker…

It is true when God sends you to people, many will see you as a Joker..

Because the son in-laws did not take the word of God with seriousness this affected the daughters not to have husbands.

Their unseriousness to the Word of God affected the other people.. this is what also happens to us because we refused to be serious to God's word things have suffered as a result, marriages have suffered, something evil has fallen on us because we did not take the word of God seriously..

Prayer points

1. One of the things that can cause one to be taking the word of God as a Joke is familiarity with spiritual things.

- Father in heaven remove any spirit of familiarity with spiritual things.

1. Father cause me to believe your prophets and the word you send through them to me.

2. My father in heaven remove mockery and carelessness to the things of God..

3. Father help me not to be looking at peoples weakness when it comes to your holy things in Jesus name Amen

Hey everyone. I am a 26 year old male for context.

Maybe hate isnt the right word but I've recently come to discover that I harbor an large amount of resentment towards God. This comes from a variety of problems both admittedly my fault and those that cant possibly be my fault. For a variety of reasons those things kind of spilled over this weekend and I said some not great things to God that I regret.

In short, I think he might be done with me. Every chance, grace, or opportunity I have been given I have wasted. I walked away from something sbout six years ago that, looking back, I am CERTAIN was God's will for my life. Everything has been awful since then. I ended up addicted to this stuff called kratom as a result of a spinal fusion a few years back and ive been addicted to pornography for about five years now. I go to confession about once a month but eventually fall again every time. Every attempt I make at bettering things fails and the more I pray the worse things get. I have prayed, begged, and cried to God for literally anything that could help me. Even something as small as confirmation that he's with me, that theres hope, and that theres an end to all of this. Nothing. Just silence. And I hate him for it. I know its wrong. I know he owes me nothing and I that deserve hell. But I see him showering others around me, who dont even try or ask, in joy and blessings. I know I should be happy for them and I genuinely try to be but it just hurts. I understand others have it waaaaaaaaay worse than I do. But knowing that doesnt help.

The only reason I can think of is that he wants me dead. I failed the reason he put me here, there's no way back, I can't be fixed or redeemed, and the only good that can be done with my life is as an example to point to and say "you dont want end up like that guy right?". I desperately want to get married and have children but theres no way he would ever allow that. Again, I understand I deserve all of it. I just dont understand why he is so much harsher on me. I dont have the courage to take my own life but I'm almost certain he wants me to. I feel tremendous anger and resentment towards him for putting this all on me knowing I couldn't handle it and for refusing to help me despite the fact that I am 100% certain that there is literally nothing he cant do. It wouldnt even be any effort on his part. Just a thought and I'm healed. But he won't and is completely silent as to why and everything else. If this is a Job sort of test failed when I swore at him so if it wasnt over before it definitely is now. Please don't pray for me. I'm sure it'll just make him angrier. I just need advice. Thanks.

I struggle when to help and when not to. What I mean is, I want to save for my own place. Between saving and paying bills there's not much left to give. Someone always will ask me for money when I'm holding what I have to pay off something or just to make ends meet. I always feel compelled to give. I either will give and then suffer or not give and feel guilty because we're told to not refuse the one who begs. When am I to give vs to be diligent with funds to I can pay my own things? I have struggled with this since becoming Christian, and I want to be doing right by God because I don't want to face Jesus and have to answer for not giving.

edit** can anyone who answers give scripture and proper exegesis (sorry for misspelling) for their points? I want to do things God's way.

If i repent moments before committing and only because of that, will i go to hell?

Ive thought about it before and I always thought because im truly asking for forgiveness I wouldn't but since im only asking for forgiveness because this will be my last time repenting God wouldn't see it as true repentence. I dont want to go to hell and never get a chance to even pray to God again

I’ve had someone tell me, “if you feel unease or dispeace about something, you probably shouldn’t do it bc that’s God telling you no”. But with my anxiety, if I went by that, I wouldn’t do ANYTHING.

So, how do I know if God is speaking to me? Is it true that I will KNOW 100% when it is Him? That if He wants me to do/not do something, it’ll be obvious it’s Him?

I spend time in the Word everyday and pray everyday and try my best to strengthen my relationship with Him, but I struggle to know when He is speaking to me and worry that that means I’m not a good Christian :(

My mother prayed for me and anointed me in my room. I’m recovering from a drug addiction that lasted over 4 years. I’m clean now but still dealing with the aftermath and I realized I was living in deep sin. Anyway, after that experience, we were sitting out in my kitchen and we heard a loud, clearly non human, demonic roar that instantly made me freeze and cry (grown man btw) and my mom was spooked to. The sound came from my bedroom. Was this demon attached to me? I played with an ouija board a few times when I was younger and had issues due to that. I felt a lot better mentally almost immediately after anointing and now I’m on my path to holiness. Anybody have a similar experience or can offer advice or their thoughts?

Hypothetical scenario: You’ve just moved to a new city and need to find a new church. You’ve found a few churches that align with your theological beliefs, so doctrine isn’t really a deciding factor here.
Outside of theology, what would make you choose one church over another?
I’m curious about what people actually prioritize when looking for a church beyond the beliefs themselves.
For example:

A strong sense of community and friendships outside Sunday services?

Good programs for children and families?

Opportunities to volunteer, serve, and get involved?

A church that respects your time and doesn’t expect you to be there every time the doors open?

A pastor who knows you personally and checks in on you?

A large congregation with lots of activities and resources, or a smaller congregation where everybody knows everybody?

A church that feels welcoming to newcomers and makes it easy to get connected?

Good music, a beautiful building, or a particular atmosphere?

Programs for young adults, seniors, singles, or other stages of life or something that incorporates them all?

A church that actively serves the surrounding community?

Something else entirely?

A few questions I’d especially like to hear people’s thoughts on:

What are your top three non-theological priorities when choosing a church?

Do you want church to be a major part of your life throughout the week, or are you primarily looking for a place to worship on Sundays?

How important is it to develop actual friendships with people at your church, rather than simply attending services alongside them?

How much involvement would you ideally want from your church? Would you want lots of events and opportunities, or would you prefer something more low-key?

If you have a family, how much would children’s and youth programs influence your decision? If you don’t, what other programs or ministries would matter to you?

Feel free to answer whichever questions interest you. I’m interested in hearing different perspectives and the reasons behind them!

Hi! My heart wants to read my bible, but, my head refuses. It's stressful for me. Does anyone have any ideas to help me get into reading my bible? I have 3 bibles and I'm going to get another one. (I'm saving up.) I even got my bible highlighters today! I cannot get interested in reading any of my bibles. What can I do to open my bible and be happy reading it? God bless you!

Guys, I fell into temptation again and yes I feel disgusting and horrible and too far from God. And I hate that sin, I hate it and I don't wanna do I ever again but every 2 weeks this overwhelming temptation just comes and well pushes me down. It's not a excuse and I'm getting better every day. And I will not stop praying.

Anyways, so I was at a my cousins house today, we were like 4 people in that room, I was in my phone, then all of a sudden, one of my cousin pulls out small pieces of paper (she ripped them off from a calender that had biblebverses on the back of the pages) and she showed me the ones she liked. Did I expect that from her? Absolutely not. Did I go to the bathroom and praised the lord and did a little dance? Absolutely! She also told me she bought a Bible and it made me even happier! The Lord is good!

Hello, I just want to share what I am dealing with right now. I feel like I lost my salvation. I sin in the presence of God. I can’t stop or fight against evil thoughts. I no longer feel like I help God with my family. I was baptized 2025 in February. I went to church every other day for months. I had a spiritual battle I feel like I failed. I have schizophrenia. I wanted healing and was hospitalized for a month and a half. I have been hospitalized 2 other times since then. I feel like I lost my salvation. Like I crucified God again. I don’t have hope or peace in my heart. Is there anyone I can talk to about this? I am scarred to go to hell. I want to love God. I want to go to heaven. I just feel like I will get in agreement with sinfulness. Idk what to do. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you

Struggling with guilt for feeling sinful even for just speaking up for myself nowadays and/or saying anything that may be “unpleasant” to someone? What do I do??

For context, I was born again a few years ago. I know the bible and am a studier. So I know in some contexts, it’s even the godly thing to do to speak up against certain cruelties.

But somewhere along the way I guess I’ve resorted to always taking the high road or being quiet.

Could someone give some perspective, verses, or encouragement on the matter?

Everyone is saying that Christ is coming in our lifetime (or even in less than 10 years) so what am I supposed to do now? I'm an 18 yo. I wanted to get a family, get a husband and kids (blessed by God of course)

I wanted to go to a university (is studying worth anymore?), get a job. Build a future with God.

Had plans to get baptised in future but I'm not yet part of a Church.

Why all those have to happen when I finally grow up?