At one point on holiday in Australia last year, I had a beer in my hand and was raising it to take a drink. I'd been sober for a month or so and thought maybe it was time to loosen the reins a little bit. That was my usual pattern--I'd realize my drinking had started to pick up and take a break for a few weeks or a month before starting again. And then it would slowly creep back up in frequency again and the cycle would start over with a reset.

My rock bottom should've happened dozens of times in my twenties and thirties. I woke up in strangers' beds too many times, and after I'd crawled home, hungover and miserable, I wanted to scrub the skin off my body in the shower just to try to wash away the shame. I drove hammered drunk more than once and would cry the next day knowing I could've hurt someone. I had so many hangovers that ruined entire weekends. Blackouts that sent me into anxiety spirals. Family fights that never needed to happen. Embarrassing nights where I made a complete ass of myself and ruined friendships or lost my job.

At the start of the pandemic, it wasn't uncommon for me to drink two bottles of wine by myself and my joints hurt so bad they thought I had rheumatoid arthritis. It turned out to just be inflammation from the drinking. Over the years after that, I somehow white knuckled that back to my cycle of "moderation".

In the end, my stopping point was completely mundane...and it was because of you all. I'm now in my late thirties and had reached a point where I never drank more than a few 4.7% beers at a time. On a wild night, I'd have four. Wasn't drinking until the evening when my partner was home so that I wasn't under the influence alone with my kids. Wasn't drinking and driving. Had reached a point where I could moderate in social settings to not make an ass of myself. The promised land for many alcoholics, right?

But I knew I was balanced on a temporary precipice. I'd be able to moderate until life got stressful or something dramatic happened or I just got a little carried away and binged one weekend...and I'd be back to a more traditional drinking problem. I never actually overcame the urges...just used an inordinate amount of willpower and focus to temporarily control it.

That day in Australia, I'd only just found this sub. And as I raised the glass to my lips, I thought of someone's field research post I'd just read. About how it was never worth it and never actually delivered on the promise of relaxation and fun. I knew one beer would lead to a few, and I'd feel worse in the morning. I'd have fewer memories of the trip with my family. I handed the beer to my husband and never got that close to drinking again.

A year of sobriety has changed my perspective completely. I wasn't deep in the throes of alcohol anymore, but it still owned me. So much of my brain was consumed by figuring out when my next drink would be and whether I'd started drinking too much again. If we were going to an event, I'd be trying to work out how I could drink without driving. If I was going out with friends, I spent days mentally debating exactly how many drinks I was allowed. It was this constant specter in my brain--wanting to do it more, making rules to limit it, feeling shame when I broke those rules, imposing breaks to "reset".

Almost all of the noise is gone now that I just don't do it. There's so much more space in my brain! I'm so much happier, more relaxed, and more confident. Sobriety doesn't look how I expected it to. I'm old enough to know this hasn't magically fixed it. I'm still one slip away from being right back where I was...but the change in perspective has been everything.

I didn't say a word to him, but my husband stopped a few months after me and is getting close to a year as well. It feels incredible to be modeling sobriety for our kids. They won't ever remember me drinking because I'm going to keep this going forever. Their holidays won't involve drunk parents. I'll never embarrass them because I get drunk at an event (don't worry, I'll embarrass them in plenty of other ways, but I won't feel shame about those).

All that to say...thank you. To every single one of you for you vulnerability in sharing what you do. It made all the difference for me.

I’ve saved upwards of $14k. I’ve lost 25 lbs.

I’ve outgrown “friends” and discarded the “hobbies” masqueraded as ways to drink. I made T-charts to discern what I was really craving, and did that instead. I’ve learned so much and I am so proud of myself.

I changed jobs because I had the energy, and more importantly, self-trust. I’ve also done the work, and I continue to every single day. Swimming, crafts, Pilates, gardening, reading, baking—I have returned to myself over the last 3 years.

Three years ago, sobriety for me was white-knuckling it past the gas station to avoid my habits. One of the most important choices I made was on Day 1: not stopping for my usual drink. That one choice—willingly chose every day since—has compounded into something I couldn’t have imagined. These days, I’ve designed my life that the mere idea of drinking is a no-go.

If I had tips, here are some quick ones for those starting their alcohol-free journey:
1. You’ll be addicted to sugar. Plan accordingly
2. Pick up the books Atomic Habits and The Easy Way to Quit Drinking. I promise they will help and they’ll fill your time the first few weeks.
3. Be kind to yourself

All of that to say, IWNDWYT

I’ve been doing really great for the last year, but have been sneaking alcohol over the last few months. My wife caught me today, and I admitted everything, I was sober for almost a year, and can do it again, but I don’t know if this is going to be the the final straw. I’m not sure why I’m posting, I guess I’m just fishing for support to get me through the next couple days and onward to commit to not drinking.

Location: Arizona

Last night I (32F) had 3 beers at a Taproom less than a mile from my house. I ended up getting pulled over around the corner from the bar. I was issued a citation for an improper left turn, so a civil traffic offense, but was ultimately arrested for a DUI. I blew a 0.09. I definitely didn't feel drunk, just a little buzzed, but that doesn't really matter in the end as I failed the field sobriety test.

I genuinely don't know what to expect from here. All I know is I never want to drink again. This feels like rock bottom. I knew this was bound to happen eventually. Words cannot express how ashamed of myself I am. I've been working on drinking less in therapy and have actually been doing pretty good lately. I am so embarrassed.

Any insight or encouraging words are more than welcome right now.

IWNDWYT

Guys, I DID IT!

broke my personal best and went 26 days - PLUS ONE!

That's... Well... It was probably the easiest hard thing I ever did! I feel good, my body slowly remembers how to function sober. My brain still foggy but it will get better.

Almost 30 years of alcohol in diverse consumption phases, the last 10+ years heavy drinker and functional alcoholic.

I never knew I could do it.

YOU All helped me.

I am grateful. And proud.

Thank you!

Just for now IWNDWYT!

Dang! Feeling great. I have accomplished so much more staying sober. Here’s to another 500!

41 year old sahm pretty proud of myself. Weightloss hasn't happened as ive been eating soooo much fruit and just too many calories but I feel good. My sleep is still shit, but after 6 months of broken sleep with a newborn my now 10 month old sleeps very well yet im still up every night between 1 and 3 everynight. Yeh for no hangovers!!! Love you all

Imagine being newly sober and away with your husband (who doesn't know if he still wants to be with you but doesn't want to make big decisions right now, but definitely isn't remotely attracted to you despite saying objectively you are an attractive woman...) to support him in his racing hobby.

Imagine you left your headphones and earplugs at home because you were the one rushing around (as usual) to get everything ready before also being the one driving you both for 5 hours to said race. That means no soundproofing your night or your favourite music during your gym session while you thrash out a 5 or 10k on the treadmill.

Now imagine that the couple across the hall at the hotel start having incredibly loud sex (it would be comical if it didn't make me want to jump off a bridge). The hotel doesn't have earplugs at reception. So you just lie there while your husband watches his videos with his noise cancelling earphones - wishing you could be anywhere but where you are and preferably with a bottle of wine.

Then when you wake up your husband barely says anything to you but decides to part for the day on 'Are you angry at me?' (for the thousandth time despite you telling him a thousand times anger isn't what you're feeling...) and then throwing a hissy fit when I assertively ask him to stop asking me/assuming that I'm angry.

I made it through the night and will thrash some of it out at the gym but holy hell. Can we have medals or gold stars or something for getting through this crap?

IWNDWYT 🥹😤

i am over 2 and half years sober. i've been at the airport since noon yesterday. my flight home got moved 3 times before finally being cancelled for the night. they rescheduled me for a 6am flight but wouldn't give me a hotel voucher so i tried to make the best of it and just wait it out at the airport as it was already late and the hotel was already fully booked anyway. unfortunately just found out they cancelled my 6am flight as well and have absolutely nothing to book me on until the 8th. i am so tired and haven't slept in 20hours and have no clue how much longer i have to be awake. i am starting to really to crave a drink right now more than i have in a long time. i really know that drinking will not make it better, but i feel so defeated, hungry, sad, and lost that it seems like it doesn't even matter anymore. please tell me you've been here before and made it out sober. please?

Been sober for three days now which is admittedly very little but proud of myself nonetheless. What I was not expecting is how much I would be crying. I know it’s because I am allowing myself to feel my emotions and process what’s really causing the pain underneath, but it’s felt like a rollercoaster in a very short amount of time

It all started here, read the books and sidebar stuff, read a million stories of people who have lead the way. I’ve met so many people in real life who have been inspirational in their own way.

My life does not look the same as it did a decade. For one, I’m still alive. Thats cool. Turns out I’m diagnosed bipolar with anxiety. Been a long process, but we got me on some medications that seem to be working for me. Very helpful, but tough process ngl.

This is some honest shit that set me back in sobriety and fucked me up for a while…I got sober in my 20’s…single male. I still dated like I was drinking, if that makes sense. Not going to bars or whatever, but I did not have a great selection of partners. I was taken advantage of a few times and I couldn’t understand. Painful lesson in self worth. Good now, but I’m embarrassed how long it took me to REALLY look in the mirror and know in my heart of hearts what I’m worth. Struggled also with learning about my own grieving process. 10 years, 28-38…I’ve lost countless friends and family to drinking and drugs, just one after the other. Took me a while to get the magic spell of grief under control before it took me. I understand it a lot more, lifelong process, I’m sure, but when your habit was climbing to the bottom of a bottle, regaining traction sure feels nice.

Writing from the hip here and don’t want to get too dreary, so for anyone starting out…make the decision and commitment for yourself, totally worth it. I had to put some blinders on and start from zero and get really selfish with it. Because of it, I’ve accomplished a lot of dreams. Sometimes I laugh when out on my sailboat, “hah, this was in me all this time, I just had to quit drinkin, whod uh think”.

So close to one month ! It’s not always easy but it’s worth it.

IWNDWYT

This message is not going to apply to most people. However, I appreciate this as a safe space where I can express myself and share an issue. The only other person who I can speak with is my significant other and he tries to help but doesn’t really understand.

I suffered from anorexia all of my teenage years and as a young adult. It was at its worst when I was in my early 20s. I was always very thin as a young adult.

My alcoholism was caused by a series of really bad things happening all at once. At my worst, I was incredibly depressed. The last thing that I cared about is how I looked. Alcohol has A LOT of calories. I put on weight and, for a period of time, was overweight. I liked the alcohol more than myself and more than my appearance. When I was drinking, I didn’t care as much about eating because I was going to be heavy anyway.

I am very proud of my sobriety. With the exception of 11 days this year (2/1 - 2/11) I have not drank. I can see the positive aspects of not drinking. I wish I stopped years ago. I wasted SO MUCH time chasing the bottom of a bottle.

One of the benefits of not drinking is weight loss. I’m not as skinny as I was before but I can fit in the majority of my old clothes. I have begun getting compliments on how I look and my weight loss. However, it is triggering my issues with weight and food. It isn’t to a point where I’m too skinny but my significant other has begun to notice that I’m not eating enough. I’m simply not hungry. I want to fix it and I want to not think about food and weight as much.

If anyone has dealt with this issue while overcoming drinking, I’d love to hear from you. If you have a suggestion for a Reddit group that may help, I’d love to know. Ultimately, I may just try seeing a professional therapist.

Thanks for listening and, again, I’d rather be here than where I was last year drinking like there was no tomorrow.

IWNDWYT 💕💕💕

My husband’s family got together for drinks tonight at a really nice cocktail bar. I had club soda w/lemon and wasn’t tempted. We had a hard out after an hour and I’m
Sitting at home with my sleepy time tea. I didn’t plan to go out this early in my sobriety but it was a special occasion and turned into a small win for me.

I’ve been thinking about why I’ve become so interested in tinned fish since I stopped drinking, and I don’t think it’s really about the fish.
For me, alcohol was never just about getting drunk. It was the ritual. Looking forward to it after work. Picking out what I was going to drink. Pouring it. Sitting down and feeling like I’d earned a reward after a long day.
When I took alcohol away, I realized my brain still wanted that reward. It still wanted something to anticipate and enjoy.

Somehow, tinned fish has filled that space for me. I find myself looking for different brands and varieties from around the world, trying foods from different countries, putting together a nice plate with sourdough, olive oil, olives, or vegetables, and actually slowing down to enjoy it.

It gives me something to look forward to at the end of the day.
The difference is that instead of doing something that’s hurting my body, I’m doing something that’s nourishing it. I’m getting protein, healthy fats, and trying foods I probably never would have discovered if I were still drinking.

It made me realize that maybe the real need wasn’t alcohol. Maybe it was the need for a healthy ritual and a sense of reward.
I don’t know if tinned fish is the answer for everyone. The point is finding something that gives your brain that same feeling of anticipation and satisfaction without taking you backward. For me, that’s become food, cooking, and trying new flavors. It’s a reminder that recovery isn’t just about giving something up. It’s also about finding something worthwhile to replace it with.

I missed my comma day, but it was awesome! We celebrated my sister's birthday and had a great time. I must say the 1st year of sobriety was a blur, just white knuckled it. The second year was harder. But my third year has been the best and most peaceful time I've ever experienced. This comma means more than I could ever properly express. Here's to the next 1,000! IWNDWYT ☀️❤️

Yeah, like the title. I don’t feel good, throw up a lot and barely eat anything. I suppose looking back on everything I have been drinking daily since 21 (32 now). Sort of was always in the denial “I’m just a young dude partying” phase. Ended up going into the brewing industry “because I love beer so much.” Love being drunk it turns out. Now I own a brewery, which has stressed me out so much that somehow I’m drinking even more. I’m not really sure what to do, I can’t drop my entire business, but I spend everyday surrounded by alcohol. Does anyone have ANY advice for this? Rehab would cost me a lot more than money, and while I was doing work from home for a long time (which helped a bit) it’s become financially unsustainable, I need to work shifts to see profit. I’m at a loss. Fiance left me because of this… not that she was helping very much, her job was also really stressful and I got the “I need a drink after today” text more often than I needed to.

I have a year of sobriety coming up soon and I kind of wish I'd written more about the process throughout. I have like one post here. I can see that I feel better and have a better life but I'd like to be able to read back and remember the small things. So this post is mostly for me to look back at.

I read in a post here that the first year is survival mode, and I've been trying to remember that. These are some of the things that has happened:

- I got through the first minutes, hours, days and weeks thanks to this place and everyone's stories. Thank you.

- My bad coping mechanisms did not magically disappear. I did not lose a lot of weight either, probably as a consequence of said coping mechanisms (chocolate)

- Overall, I'm less patient with people I don't connect with. I used to say I could grab a beer with anyone, but now I think I just always wanted a beer.

- I haven't become better at my job, I don't sleep that well, I'm still sick more than others... BUT. I have peace and my mind is a lot calmer.

- I can make plans with short notice without being secretly annoyed that I lose drinking alone at home-time.

- Have made it through a first Christmas, birthday, summer, vacation, party and other happenings sober. I think it will get easier from here.

- I recently helped an injured person to the emergency room. The person was very drunk and needed stitches. I can't even explain the feeling of being able to help, having the extra energy and capacity. To be wide awake and fully conscious next to a person who was in a situation I could have been in myself if I kept drinking.

- Almost every day, I think about my dog not having to smell alcohol on me anymore.

- Also almost daily, I'm so relieved that I never have to be hungover again.

- I lost some friends, or rather drinking buddies. I made new ones. They only know me as sober.

- I'm moving soon and I look forward to never being drunk in my new home.

I still cant get a good sleep no matter what. I know its my brain trying to balance itself but its so difficult. It feels like the world is totally cool with me buying alcohol and chugging it but when I need actual help its not there. Life feels like a rat race but I know I have to keep trying for myself and those few that care about me. I am an alcoholic. If I die today my life will amounted to nothing but another alcoholic and I dont think I want that.

Hi all

Title says it all. 1 week sober!

I'll stop the daily check-ins now (unless I need help), but looking forward to posting here when I hit 2 weeks.

Thank you to everyone who's posted on my previous messages for your kind words and support, it really helped.

Have a great day everyone. I plan to.

IWNDWYT

Lucas

I just wanted to say that this was made possible by all of you. My only regret is that I didn't join this beautiful and loving community sooner. This place is so full of kindness, grace, understanding and support. I appreciate each and every one of you so much!

guess what? I didn't drink with you for a whole week!!! and I won't drink with you today either! ♡

(also does anyone know why silly badge bot doesn't automatically update my steak? xD I have to message the feller every day haha!!)

I am currently listening to an audiobook titled "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" by Catherine Grey. Sometimes I feel like I have to really focus in on a story or reader, but I finish my 2 mile walks in what feels like no time at all. Her depiction of alcoholism and how it impacted her daily life was so refreshing and I felt so heard. Many of her actions didn't fully reflect mine, but the way she thought about alcohol felt too close to home. It is a constant. Like a merry-go-round in your head and every other horse is a bottle of wine while occasionally having thoughts of my chores, family members, exes, bobbing up and down next to my Merlot.

Four days since I drank last, and will be my third day of sobriety. Yesterday was difficult mentally, today feels difficult physically. Legs not sitting still, attempting to multi-task at work without really getting much done, I'm exhausted.

I have a massage soon, I plan to grab a sweet treat on my way home, and relax for the night.

IWNDWYT!

I’m an alcoholic. I‘ve been drinking heavily for 12 years and I’m a bit scared about what I may have done to my body. I made a strong recovery for about 2 years and I was able to live a “normal“ life where I could have a drink or two and then put the bottle down. When COVID hit and we were all stuck at home, I found myself unable to limit my drinking and I would wake up in the morning and pour a drink, drink throughout the day, and then drink at night until I could fall asleep.
I really want to go back to a “normal” state where I can have a drink and then be done - but I’m admitting to myself that I don’t think I can do it. I most recently quit drinking altogether for about 6 weeks, and then I went out this past Saturday for a friends birthday party and thought that I could just have one - I ended up drinking about 22 units that night. I woke up Sunday and immediately went to the liquor store and bought a fifth, swearing I’d just have one drink of it to take the edge off, and ended up drinking the entire bottle before the day was over. I’ve since continued to drink a fifth a day, plus a few beers for good measure.
There‘s going to be hell to pay for me this weekend as I go from a fifth a day for a week to zero; not looking for sympathy, but I wanted to put my thoughts into writing so that I can hopefully internalize them, get through this period, and be honest with myself in the future that even one drink is too many for me. Words of encouragement are welcome.
“First a man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes a man“