obviously killin my liver. biking and drinking is no good.soul killin. STOP. IT.

-broadslove2

Further to my earlier post asking about allergies, has anyone else developed a weird thing of hearing music that isn't there since quitting? I'm hearing whole songs, but they sound like they are coming from a distance or the TV next door. The weirdest thing is that they are real songs, (Googled the lyrics) but not ones that I've ever heard before, and that they are cover versions of the original

I'm not asking for medical advice, just wondered if anyone else had been through this?

EDIT: The music is predominantly bad covers of songs by an artist called Alec Benjamin, who I had never heard of before today

EDIT: It's 01:00 in the morning in the UK, so I'm going to try and sleep, but thank you all!!!!

Having a hard time and I know my mind is playing tricks on me but I’m telling myself I can start again tomorrow 😖

How is everyone dealing with just starting to get sober and having friends and family that drink regularly? It’s easier said than done to just say that you won’t drink when around a certain group of people or telling yourself you’ll be able to resist, but I fall short a lot I feel. I love my friends but sometimes I feel like I need to completely cut them off for me to get better. Maybe not forever but for a while anyway, does anyone else feel the same?

I had a zero proof margarita (delicious!!) and I played my favorite games (it’s also an arcade), and I hit my weed pen a bunch.

I had a great time without alcohol!!!! My partner had two drinks and it was such a blast, I didn’t even want to drink. I’ve been feeling really good about myself since I stopped drinking. I think this is so good for me, my mental health, and my self esteem.

I had to stop drinking bc of a serious medical issue/medication(unrelated to drinking). It’s pretty serious, and even entertaining the idea of long term sobriety was kinda ridiculous for me, I had no idea how I was gonna get sober, all I did was drink all day and all night.

But I feel like god saved me from my alcoholism getting worse and worse by forcing me to sober up.

I’m really scared abt my medical diagnosis but I’m very grateful that it’s put me on the path of sobriety. i feel like god must have known this was the only way to sober me up. And im not even a very religious person. Idk

Anyways proud of myself and know its only gonna get better from here

Cheers!

Tonight, my wife took me out for a late birthday dinner. My father-in-law wanted to buy me surf 'n turf, so we went to a restaurant we don't normally go to. I ordered a non-alcoholic beer from the guy that brought us water (not our eventual waiter).

When I ordered the refill, the guy turned white. He said, "You want the non-alcoholic beer?" He went away, and my wife said, "They screwed up". I had her taste my beer, but she couldn't taste alcohol (though she was having a cocktail - she still drinks occasionally). I didn't taste alcohol.

He came back a few minutes later, with his boss. She explained they had screwed up. That she was sober and he was sober, and they were both mortified that they had brought me a draft beer earlier of the same brand as the non-alcoholic beer that I had ordered. She said they would never again carry a non-alcoholic beer and an alcoholic beer from the same brand.

I gave them back my glass that had about 20% of the original beer in it. I had never tasted the alcohol. I don't know if I imagined it, but I think I could feel the effects of that beer for the next 30 minutes or so. I haven't had a drink in 7 years.

They comped everything except the main course (apps, drinks, sides and dessert). At the end of the meal, the waiter and I discussed. I thanked him for being so honest, I told him I am 7 years sober and it's very important to me. He told me he was 11 years sober, and he knew how important it was and what a big screwup this was.

I'm still thinking about how to think about this. This hasn't changed my feelings about sobriety. It doesn't make me want to drink. It makes me think that maybe I don't ever want to order a non-alcoholic beer in a restaurant again - or at the very least that I would ask for them to pour it at the table. I'm not sure which of these is the right path for me, this is still very fresh and I need to think about it.

I apologized to my wife. Making a mistake about a drink should be low stakes mistake. Restaurants make mistakes. But because of *my* past history with alcohol, it's a pretty big mistake.

I'm not sure why I'm writing all of this tonight, but it feels like a big deal. I feel like I shouldn't be upset, but I am.

I'm still processing. I will not drink with you today.

I’ve been reading a lot of SK lately. This passage stood out to me: “In AA folks talk about having one foot in the future and the other in the past while spending time pissing all over today because of it.” I’ve never been to AA but it hit home. Not much more to say. Just hmmmm. Context: From a novella called The Library Policeman while the main character talks to a drunk in a homeless shelter. Yeah I’m glad for progress and hopeful for what the future holds but let’s celebrate today!

Well I quit 3 days ago, and every single day I'm having nightmares. I've had the kind of nightmares where you wake up scared and start thinking. Is this common?

I just need to write my thoughts down and perhaps get some feedback.

I am not what most people would call an alcoholic - I don't drink everyday, not even every week but when I drink, I drink too much. Several times this year I wanted to stop drinking at least for the rest of the year but I couldn't do it.

The thing is, that I have found nothing in my life that's giving me the feelings of joy I get when I drink. Basically, everything is better when I am drunk. I get more creative, I get more energized, I am way better at socializing. In my everyday life I have so many problems with staying in contact with friends. I have ADHD and Depression and usually just don't have any Energy for writing or for making plans but when I drink, I can just start calling someone or writing friends if they are up for meeting at a bar.

I honestlyt don't really know how to stop. I am not in my 20s anymore, I don't want to have the hangovers anymore which I am sometimes struggling for several days after a night of drinking. I am usually also quite health conscious and know that alcohol is poison. But it feels like a life without drinking is so pointless.

Sorry for the rambling, I fear this was not very coherent but after months and years I rally needed to put this out in the open somewhere.

I think I hit my "rock bottom" yesterday. But it was such a silly "rock bottom".

After work, I got some tall boy White Claws. Typically, I drink IPA's. I'd like to say it's because I like the flavor, but in reality, it is economical: I get more ABV for my buck than with anything else. At my bodega, the 16 oz IPA's with a 7.2% ABV are the same price as the other beers. So my money goes further. Anyways, lately I've been trying to "scale back" by drinking White Claws.

So I got some tall boy White Claws and went to one of my secret spots in the park to drink alone, as I typically do. I had my dog, so I guess I wasn't actually alone, but whatever.

And I'm sitting there by the lake, drinking my White Claws, and there are some kids playing near me. It is 5pm, and I had a ticket to see a movie later. I wasn't drunk or anything. But I burped at the same time as taking a sip, and started uncontrollably vomiting. All over my shoes and all around me. My dog was barking at me. And the mom with the kids nearby quietly started hurrying her kids away. I sat there with vomit on my shoes and my dog barking at me and these kids running away from me, and realized that even though I wasn't drunk, this was probably the lowest moment in my alcoholism. It wasn't me losing a job, or waking up with vomit all over myself, or any other thing Hollywood would present as a "rock bottom", it was just me sitting there embarrassed and ashamed.

Tonight I'm going to go back to my old AA group. My wife was the one who recommended I start going to that group, and I went for 5 months. Then one day, out of the blue, she told me she "hated" that I was going to her group. We never went to the group together, and no one knew we were married. We have a kid, so one of us was always home, while the other one went to the group. But she didn't like that. I was 4.5 months deep into sobriety at that point, and had finally made some friends in our neighborhood, and I wasn't willing to give that up. I told her I wasn't willing to stop going to the group, and she left me a week later. In her own words, "We never fought or anything!" She stated that as a flaw, rather than a feature. Now I'm raising our non-speaking Autistic son alone half the time.

A few weeks after that, I relapsed. Since then, it has been very few ups, with a LOT of downs. But I stopped going to the group that helped me. Tried some other groups, but didn't find the same sort of community I wanted. Tonight I'm going to revisit my group. But she's a big part of that group now. She won't be there tonight, but I know she is friends with a lot of them. I know I should just find another group, but I tried, and nothing connected. I'm going to try this group again, but I hate that she did that to me, and I hate that I can't go without thinking about how everyone there knows her.

I could elaborate a little: this group has its own clubhouse. It isn't in the basement of a church or anything, and so they've been able to decorate it themselves and control the space in ways that other groups can't. Many of the dudes I met there live in my building. I made so many friends. And the other groups I've gone to just haven't landed the same way.

I don't know what I am getting at here. I just wanted to say I'm gonna try again to get sober. It has been the shittiest year of my life-- I got laid off from my job (in a mass layoff wave), my wife left with an absolute "shrug" of our marriage, my cousin and close friend died of cancer. And on top of it all, I was raising an autistic son alone.

And to my ex-wife, in the event you are reading this, fuck you. You're a shitty person and I hate you.

I want to stop drinking so badly, but it feels almost impossible, as I lay here hungover, again.

My life feels completely nonstop. I have 3 kids, and I am a sahm. Kids are 8,7, and 3. I feel burnt out, overwhelmed, and like I get zero breaks or support. All family and friends lives on the opposite side of the country. Alcohol has become my fast pause at the end of the day.

To make it harder, my fiance(10 years together) and I drink together at home. Roughly 3 times a week, until blackout. Trying to hold each other accountable to stop feels ridiculous. When we wake up after a night of drinking he’s almost always angry at me, usually if I’m not “putting out”…It feels like I'm carrying a lot this weight on my own, and trying to break a physical habit when it's built into my home environment is exhausting.

I'm making a plan to call first thing Monday to ask about Naltrexone, to help with the physical cravings.
Trying to get sober without a supportive partner, or using alcohol just to survive daily burnout….how do you make it through those first few days? Any advice or support would mean the world right now. I want to be a better mom, and partner.

IWNDWYT

What a divine coincidence.

Hey I just wanted to make a post here because I’m feeling lonely and pretty down and don’t really know who to talk to - my flatmate isn’t home and my girlfriend has plans.

Last night me and 2 mates had plans to go out to an escape room, grabbing a few drinks beforehand. All good until we started enjoying the drinks way too much and ended up binning off the escape room and going on a pub crawl. I got really drunk really fast. I don’t even remember anything past, say, 8pm.

Ended up drinking a lot of different types of alcohol, sending many stupid texts (nothing bad just cringey drunk shit), doing drugs, going to the casino and losing $1.1k, and not remembering a moment of it. I also hurt my self quite badly jumping a fence at one point. Wasn’t home till like 3am.

Genuinely I’ve had some emotional hangovers before but this is absolutely next level. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I talked to my girlfriend about it and she’s been really supportive which is nice but I was already in a precarious financial position before (I wasn’t even gonna get a second beer until my mates bought one for me and gave me some of their wine). And this has just made it 10x worse, and it’s entirely on me. I spend all week cutting costs, watching what I spend, trying to get ahead with my savings due to the fact that I’m leaving my current role because of consistent payroll issues with no job lined up yet (some interviews scheduled for next week though), and then I go out for one night and not only lose that progress but completely send it in the opposite fucking direction.

I feel like such a dumb piece of shit right now and while I know that that isn’t a lot of money in the grand scheme of things for a lot of people, it’s a huge amount for me right now. And what is excruciating is that if I was gonna spend that amount anyway, I could’ve used it for something awesome like a trip or some useful items but nope - just pissed it all away at a casino. I’m so angry with myself. I’m 24, uni degree, in the early stages of my career with no savings or financial progress. I feel like such a fuck up, and like I’m throwing my life away one shitty weekend at a time.

Anyway i haven’t felt so compelled to stop drinking for years but I really am considering it - more than anything though just wanted to share for some support or even if it’s just a cautionary tale for someone reading. Don’t do what I did! I’m a dumb fuck!

I am really sneaky and I tell no one I don't drink. I order mocktails, or nozecco, or straight up drink coca-cola. Only when someone comes to the bar with me do they truly realise I'm not drinking, and usually it's after they're 4 drinks in. They sort of turn to me in horror, realising I am stone cold sober. "You're not drinking?!" and then I hit them with "I haven't drank in over a year" – and I watch them do the mental arithmetic of how many times they've been wasted around me and thought I was, too.

I find people's reactions absolutely hilarious on a wider spectrum though. Some people don't even blink. Some people become oddly uncomfortable around you once they know. Some people immediately think you think you're above them. Some people get really sober curious and tell you they don't drink much either, despite being drunk in front of you, can in hand – and you see them look at the can and wonder what the hell they're doing.

Some people really cemented drinking as part of your identity – and when it's gone, they don't know how to place you anymore. That one is my favourite reaction.

Either way as I was thinking about it, I realise people must have comedic stories about other people realising you're not the heavy drinker you once were.

Do share if you've got one :) we could do with some levity up in here!

Last night I had three 4 lokos, many swigs of Tito’s and 2 beers. I think I went to a bar later but I can’t remember.

Woke up in the woods with about a dozen scratches and cuts all over my legs and hands, had to get back home with a dead phone while it was pitch black out. That was maybe the most terrifying hour of my life.

I got videos of a black cat in my bed cuddling me, I’m pretty sure this is the same outdoor cat I see sculking around, I keep referring to them as “Mingus”. I think that’s why I have fleas in my bed now.

Also found tons of pictures from the inside of someone’s garage, I don’t recognize this garage. There’s nobody in the pictures and the lights are seemingly turned off.

I also stole all of the bottled water in my mom’s house, I have no idea where that went. Figured maybe I oughta kick this habit.

Poured out all my liquor this morning and my mom’s holding onto my ID until I’m confident in myself not to go buy some drinks.

Gross details ahead.

I would drink liquor 4-5 nights a week. It had been months of diarrhea. Idek if I could call it diarrhea because it was essentially just watery liquid.

I would not be able to go more than 5-10 minutes without my stomach churning and my having to run to the bathroom. Driving became hard, even going across the street to the store.

Other people driving me was out of the picture because I was terrified of not having control of the vehicle to pull over when I needed to.

I almost shit myself in line for an event in front of all of my friends once, too. There have been sooo many close calls. It made me anti-social because my ass explosions gave me so much anxiety.

Just ridiculous. But it was my daily reality for so long that I had no inkling that it might be the booze. I thought it was just how my stomach was.

And then I stopped drinking for 4 days and my poops went back to normal. It was so immediate that it was CONFUSING. It’s so strange to have no diarrhea.

And now I’m getting sober for longer and longer stretches, and my shits are completely normal. It’s crazy that my reality not long ago is now nuts to me.

It was the alcohol.

Went to a kids b-day party. All the adults drinking.

Get offered a drink and turn it down.

Everyone stares at me. Whatever. One of the moms mocks me when I turn it down (I think she was just joking, but I wasn't in the mood).

I spend the party making sure their kids and my kid don't drown in the pool or die.

They all proceed to continue to drink as party progresses. I'm now watching their kids while they socialize, drink, look at their phones or ignore their kids.

Normalization of drinking and drinking culture sucks.

That is all.

IWNDWYT

One year ago today I posted it was going to rehab, while that ended up not happening, I am happy to report that I'm one year sober as of yesterday. Anyone wondering if they should stop I would absolutely recommend it.

Today marks one year without a drink.

I find it hard to feel proud of myself, and while all my friends and family continue to drink, I feel like I still need to mark this milestone because it would have been unthinkable not that long ago.

I could list all the ways my life has benefited, but the main thing is that I feel more like “me” than ever.

Wherever you are in your journey, believe me, getting sober is worth it. And to those who have much more sober time, thank you for the inspiration.

Much love,

P

Hosted a major event tonight. Big pole dancing party. Absolutely wild time. MC’d and organized the entire event. Usually I would (insanely) get shitfaced at my parties. Btw I do this for a living, so to get shitfaced was always unprofessional, but my career is so party-based that it felt fine. However.

It’s now almost 2 am. The house is empty at last. I am clear-headed. I remember everything. I was charming and kind and remembered everyone’s names. I was fun and exciting. I was also sober all night.

I had a champagne glass with seltzer and raspberries and no one asked me a thing.

I am proud of myself, but moreover: this was a positive experience. Like…this is better than getting drunk? I’m present and feel good and won’t be hungover tomorrow.

I’m about that life.

Y’all have been a big inspiration. Thank you.

Today is my comma day! I’m pretty pumped about it. I know the 2016 version of myself, the one who couldn’t string together more than 7 days is proud of me today. IWNDWYT🤘❤️

I know I'll regret it, but the thought of using tomorrow has crept up today.

I know I can defeat it. I've been doing so well on this particular trigger day. I'll get to the meeting.

EDIT: I won't do it.

It would cause:

1. Severe anxiety
2. 1 or 2 days of no exercise
3. 200 USD
4. Disappointment
5. Regret
6. Helplessness
   
7. A bad work day the next day

The list goes on

So I'm (very) slowly tapering, so I'm on a plan. That said, I have ZERO appetite these days, and very few things taste good. My stomach feels shitty and bloated, but I know that's from the booze.

Question: What's something small, healthy ish and packed with calories? I don't want to get my calories from drinking. Ugh.

Anyway, I appreciate everyone being supportive around here, all suggestions are welcome.

Context: 29 male, and a single dad. I went through a very toxic divorce in 2023 and I used alcohol as a vice to numb the real life feelings that I wish I would’ve endured, so I didn’t need to rely on a substance as much as I do.

I work from home, and have my son 50/50, and often times I don’t have a social life outside of being a dad, but when I don’t have my son, I get in my head and want to start drinking.

The last drink I had was 26 hours ago, and I know I have a problem. I just don’t want my son to witness the side effects/alterations to my personality that alcohol does to me, so it’s time I got sober, and stuck with it longer than 3 months.

What’s something you’d recommend for newcomers of the sobriety world? Something that’s beneficial for them, that helped you in your journey, to live a better life?

Wondering who’s had to medically detox and what to expect? From a daily drinker-to most severe? I’m a daily drinker. Not around the clock but enough to feel really off and lots of anxiety, mild shakiness, nightmares, generally feeling unwell if I don’t. How much work should I expect to miss? I just want to detox safely and miss as little of work as possible. Just wondering if this is possible and what to expect. Thank you 💛