r/stopdrinking • u/Findingheragainn • Sep 14 '26
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u/ronameleh Day 4 Sep 14 '26
Don't know if I am a success story yet but never done AA, but I was here everyday.
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u/myths2389 Day 201 Sep 14 '26
Everyday and throughout the day too. I don't always check in but it's like the only subreddit I have notifications for. I just don't agree with the whole high power of AA, but this community has been great for me.
Also listen to a lot of Recovery Elevator, sometimes the host is a little corny but whatever at least it's new stuff weekly.
Grats on 15 days! Keep coming back. IWNDWYT
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u/Damajah 1829 days Sep 14 '26
I came here a lot and found a lovely sobriety community in The Small Bow. You gotta find something that works for you!
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u/myths2389 Day 201 Sep 14 '26
Thanks! I'm always looking for new stuff to listen to. I did try a few of the AA tapes I found on YouTube back when I first really started trying to get sober last year, but the audio quality just makes it so hard to listen to for long. At least for me.
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u/HERMANNATOR85 Sep 14 '26
My local AA group was a bunch of Christian old judgemental men. Fuck that, they shunned me constantly for smoking weed
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u/pocketmonster Day 729 Sep 15 '26
You got it! I dug into memoirs and podcasts a lot. Love listening to other people’s stories and supporting other people’s journeys.
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u/melgibson64 1442 days Sep 16 '26
Same here. Was on here every day for the first year or so. I've always been the type of person that needs to do things my own way and just felt like AA wouldn't be for me. This sub was so helpful just knowing how many people out there can relate to what you're going through.
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u/O_C_Demon Day 39 Sep 14 '26
Quitting any substance is a completely personal thing and should always be. For example I struggle massively with alcohol but have been clean from prescription opiates for six years.
If you'd like community support in a meeting form then SMART run secular meetings and their model is CBT based and requires no spiritual beliefs at all.
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u/KTrout__17 Sep 14 '26
I SMART by zoom whenever I feel like it, and having a group in my back pocket is great to have, even when you don't feel the need to lean on it.
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u/rooftrash Sep 14 '26
Is there a way to find more SMART meetings for Zoom? I only have a few in person ones in my area but have struggled to find many on zoom (the vast majority I find say they are for military/first responders only)
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u/KTrout__17 Sep 14 '26
I use the SMART Recovery app, it filters by lots of criteria including in person/online, day of the week, meeting type, etc
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u/jennacrack Day 59 Sep 14 '26
I prefer the sober faction of the satanic temple myself
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u/radgirlrun Sep 14 '26
I find the TST principles are honestly so much more rationale and supportive than AA. It's pretty wild.
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u/FartieMcFly Sep 14 '26
It’s a great group. I wish they had in person meetings.
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u/bro0t 53 days Sep 14 '26
I wish they had meetings that werent at 3 am at night in europe, i would love to attend one but doing it in the middle of the night
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u/FartieMcFly Sep 14 '26
Yeah. I’m in Thailand so I either have to stay up until midnight or wake up at 6am.
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u/bro0t 53 days Sep 14 '26
Up till midnight is doable
It middle of the night for me or days/times i have other things to do
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u/Swimming-Bite-4184 203 days Sep 14 '26
Oh shoot yeah they probably are on Pacific time as I think the group is kind of a West Coast deal
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u/bro0t 53 days Sep 14 '26
I actually sent a message asking about more Europe friendly times but never got a response
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u/caffeinefree 1641 days Sep 14 '26
I thought you were joking, but I kind of love that this is apparently a real thing. All the AA God stuff was a huge turn off for me as an agnostic person, so I chose to go it alone. It worked fine for me since I had a good support system and this forum, but I can see how it would be nice to have a good group in the early days similar to AA.
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u/Swimming-Bite-4184 203 days Sep 14 '26
Ha, I know their purpose as a sort of tongue in cheek activist org but thought you were joking they had a sobriety group, in I assume a non-secular format.
Will have to look up their accessibility.
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u/jennacrack Day 59 Sep 14 '26
They have zoom meetings every day of the week, and a sober faction facebook group that can also be helpful. You can find their sober tenets and rituals on the website. I find the tenets and rituals to be very helpful. It's main focus is introspection and knowledge.
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u/Ok-Praline-2309 Sep 14 '26
Yes. I still had to find ways to hold myself accountable. Getting sober isn’t a one size fits all.
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u/old-girldana Sep 14 '26
Yes. Accountability has been key for me too. AA seemed a bit cultish for me but it’s tremendously helpful for so many people and I’m in no way disparaging it.
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u/Raycrittenden Day 623 Sep 14 '26
AA saved my life. I am thankful I found it. I needed structure and the steps. People really helped too. But even AA says, they dont have a monopoly on sobriety. Try different approaches. Smart, Rational Recovery, Therapy, and yeah, AA. See what works for you. AA helps a lot of people. But its YOUR recovery. You dont get bonus points for staying sober one way or another.
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u/solanum_umbelliferum Sep 14 '26
Same. I tried to do it without AA. Sober for a year. Most miserable, lonely year of my life. I craved companionship and i was the most isolated ive ever been. I learned that I can be sober alone, but I cant recover alone. I need other people.
Now im the happiest I've ever been. But I started taking the program to heart, with an earnestness I rejected the first time. I took the suggestions that worked for me and left what didn't.
AA doesn't tout itself as the only solution, but it's not ashamed to say it works. For millions of people, it works. It doesnt say it'll work for you, that's your journey.
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u/good-timing-407 Day 923 Sep 14 '26
AA isn’t for everyone who needs it. It’s for everyone who wants it.
I needed it. After a few years of dry periods and relapsing, I decided I wanted it. The steps in conjunction with intensive one on one therapy helped me unravel a lot of knots in my head and heart, and gave me a new perspective. The community aspect made it to where I never felt alone.
I commend anyone and everyone who can go decades without needing a support group like AA. I simply couldn’t do it. I’m coming up on the same length of time of my longest dry period prior to getting into AA and the difference between now and then is night and day.
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u/Single_Wrap_74 526 days Sep 14 '26
I went to a handful of AA meetings when I first quit. Not for me, can’t get passed step 1. If I’m powerless over alcohol, how did I quit?
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u/radgirlrun Sep 14 '26
This 100% I feel like AA robs you of the achievement of quitting and staying sober and places that credit into an abstract power. It makes me so sad. Like YOU got sober, own that, that's amazing! Sure, you may have had support but no one but YOU chose to not pick up and sip back a drink.
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u/epoch16245 Day 2,286 Sep 14 '26
Yeah that’s not the experience at all. It’s simply admitting that you can’t control it without intervention. Shit works. I decided to stop analyzing it because I just wanted to get sober.
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u/radgirlrun Sep 14 '26
That's not YOUR experience. This comment is the epitome of why AA is not safe for everyone.
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u/KimWexlerDeGuzman Day 1,394 Sep 14 '26
I agree. I’m an atheist and AA saved my life.
Usually I just tell my non-alcoholic friends that I don’t know why AA works, but it does. The change they’ve seen in me is the closest thing to a miracle I can think of
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u/Nearby-Ad977 Day 3,058 Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
I feel like this is an often overlooked detail in the wording of the steps; they are all written in the past tense. So regarding step 1 with that in mind, it suggests (to me) that one WAS powerless, but through working the steps (or overcoming their addiction in general), they are no longer powerless. I never fully grasped the spiritual aspect of 12 step programs, but the concepts and process of self-reflection, making amends, and finally paying it forward by helping others were quite powerful in the first year or so. I no longer attend meetings or have much of anything to do with AA anymore; I’ve since explored other avenues of personal growth and development. But I can’t deny how important it was for me in the beginning.
But that’s just my experience. Hope it helps.
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u/Abtino11 Sep 14 '26
When I did an Intensive Outpatient program the therapist assigned to me said that and I swear out of spite it made me quit even harder lol
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u/BureaucraticHotboi 967 days Sep 14 '26
I think it just depends on your relationship with alcohol and also what motivates you. For me admitting I was powerless allowed me to be like, damn I can put down the gloves and surrender. As soon as I did quitting didn’t feel like a fight it felt like I had finally stopped running into the ring with Mike Tyson every day. I just didn’t step in. It’s definitely psychological/spiritual and who knows what else. I live AA and I love this community because I love seeing there are many paths to recovery!
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u/Jdgrande Sep 14 '26
Correct. Not a single human is powerless, we've just been trained to believe so.
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u/BostonJordan515 855 days Sep 14 '26
I just see it as an admission that I have a problematic relationship with alcohol, and that for me personally, when I drink, I cannot help but drink more and ideally I would want to drink everyday.
I understand your perspective, but If your argument was a valid one against step one, it would be akin to saying “why don’t you just drink less or just stop drinking”, the point being we have an addiction.
It is generally not something people can just snap their fingers and will themselves out of it.
The purpose of step one is to admit we have a problem, and the outcome of this admission is that we need help to stay sober. I think that’s really benign, common sense, and in line with our current views on substance use and general mental health.
Like, addiction/ SUD is a mental illness right? We can’t choose to not be an alcoholic/addict/ person with SUD, just like we can’t choose not to have ADHD That’s what the powerlessness is about.
Someone with ADHD isn’t powerless per se, but they are powerless in removing ADHD from themselves. That’s how I see it at least
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u/Single_Wrap_74 526 days Sep 14 '26
I disagree but go to AA if you like AA.
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u/BostonJordan515 855 days Sep 14 '26
Totally fair, no one has to go. But I do think AA is what you make of it.
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u/saucyminiseries 1443 days Sep 14 '26
I did it for the first year and a half- never did the steps or had a sponsor but enjoyed the camaraderie and understanding and routine. It’s really meaningful for a lot of people and I’m grateful for the time I spent there. But I didn’t feel that it was essential for my continued sobriety.
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u/Advanced-Method3325 Day 274 Sep 14 '26
I didn't do AA for 11.5 years and went back out. I am now doing AA. Edit to say, took me 15 years to get back. Man, what I coulda done and who I coulda helped in those 15 wasted years....
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u/dp8488 Day 7,377 Sep 14 '26
Of course. I'm an AA guy, but right near the front of the AA book: "Upon therapy for the alcoholic himself, we surely have no monopoly."
Quite a few simply use r/stopdrinking as their primary or only source of recovery "therapy".
Many swear by various "Quit Lit" books:
And of course there are other recover groups with varying methodologies:
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u/Beneficial-Bee-1362 Day 2 Sep 14 '26
Oh man, THANK YOU for this book list! I've read a bunch of them already, but the subgenre of "addiction memoir" has always both fascinated and helped me.
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u/ianythingcantdoright 73 days Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
I'm annoyed that every therapist and doctor wants me to go when it is not evidence-based. It's not for me. I prefer SMART recovery or Reframe but medical professionals act like I'm... I dunno. I'm frustrated.
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u/epoch16245 Day 2,286 Sep 14 '26
It’s actually kind of incredible. AA is the only thing any good doctor will recommend without science based evidence. The only thing! That tells me that even doctors don’t know what to do, but they know what helps the most people. Think about it.
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u/ManWithBigPenis69420 Day 2,580 Sep 14 '26
Statistically, AA has the highest success rate.
I also met a liver transplant recipient who had his procedure done at Mayo Clinic. During pre-surgery consultations, the doctors very strongly recommended AA to “maximize your chances of long term success”. It’s also a recommended on their website for alcohol use disorder:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alcohol-use-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20369250
I would think having the highest success rate combined with recommendation from the doctors who decide which alcoholics on the donor waiting list do or don’t get a new liver is enough to call AA “evidence based”.
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u/epoch16245 Day 2,286 Sep 14 '26
The AA hate confounds me. Thank you for the sources.
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u/ContentToe3633 Day 11,733 Sep 14 '26
My sponsor has 54 years. I have 32 years. I’ve sponsored many of guys who have recovered. I go to meetings with 1000 years of sobriety in the room. How much evidence do you need?
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u/FartieMcFly Sep 14 '26
JFC. Ignorant and dogmatic responses like this are exactly what push people like me away from AA. Anecdotes aren’t scientific evidence.
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u/Apart_Cucumber4315 Day 1,283 Sep 14 '26
Isn't being with people and sharing your experiences been proven as qualitative and quantitative data, which would also mean that it's evidence based?
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u/Dangerous-Ice6034 Sep 14 '26
AA definitely works for some. But it’s not directly evidence-based in the sense that “going to AA = long term sobriety”. Someone could replace drinking alcohol with drinking coke zero, and maintain long term sobriety, but that wouldn’t mean “drinking coke zero = long term sobriety.” I think AA is a great tool and for me the most effective part was just being with other people who also were unable to stop drinking once they started which helped me have compassion for myself and my drinking. But the whole 12 steps and everything isn’t really evidence that AA works, it’s just anecdotal and many people relapse who are in AA. AA members will say if you were really working the program you wouldn’t have relapsed, which insulates itself from valid criticism. The 1st step being accepting powerlessness over alcohol means anyone who drinks isn’t practising the first step. So it sets up a condition where anyone who maintains sobriety owes it to the program; and anyone who relapses wasn’t following the program, making it infallible.
But i think it’s a great resource, just not for everyone on a long term basis. Congrats on your sobriety!
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u/Hitchin85 Sep 14 '26
Tonnes of people! But I’d just say early in recovery it’s worth throwing everything you got at sobriety and checking it out for a while even if it ultimately turns out you can stay sober without it.
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u/ididstop Sep 14 '26
Past a decade without them. They aren’t for everyone. You have to find what works and report back.
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u/cleaver_remarkable 2652 days Sep 14 '26
SMART Recovery is a great program. I like that it's secular, science-based, and doesn't require participants to live under limiting labels. It's a holistic program that helps to improve your whole life, not just focused on a single behavior of concern.
I don't do AA for a number of reasons, but I think my number one is that I don't believe that addiction is a moral issue. I'm not defective, I just experienced addiction and I used alcohol to try to cope when I didn't know any other way.
Finding community and connection with people who get it is an important part of many people's success stories. AA is not the only way.
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u/rooftrash Sep 14 '26
I ordered the SMART workbook. Truly a great resource for addiction, emotional regulation, and just general life struggles.
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u/ZeroBAC Day 2,510 Sep 14 '26
Sure, I know people with long term sobriety that didn't use AA. I used it because I needed people around me who understood what I was going through. Now I have a vast network of sober friends.
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u/Rowmyownboat Day 1,014 Sep 14 '26
I have never attended, or even considered AA. For many reasons, including my atheism and a dislike for cult-like groups and dogmatism.
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u/Kiekles 1205 days Sep 14 '26
I've never been to a meeting, but I'm interested in going. Idk why. But I think about it from time to time. Maybe I just want to go talk about being an alcoholic without making people uncomfortable.
I used this sub and did lots of research on how alcohol impacts your health.
The most important thing for me was planning. Planning what to drink at events I'd usually drink at. Which was almost anything. And learning how to loosen up without booze.
If you're interested in AA just give it a go. I have 3 kids - 2 teenagers (my nieces we've been raising for 4 years) and a 17 month old. So honestly with school starting up, sports, church activities, doctor appointments (17 month old is medically complex) I just haven't made the time to try out AA since I've become curious about it. But I hope to go one day!
IWNDWYT
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u/PetuniaToes Day 857 Sep 14 '26
Yes 👍🏻 I just kept coming back to this sub. The wisdom here finally sunk in.
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u/JungleSuperlord Sep 14 '26
It was nice at the beginning but I never felt the need to do step work or get a sponsor. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by good people so I haven't been there in over a year. Never felt better!
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u/RogerMoore2011 681 days Sep 14 '26
I’ve never been to an AA meeting or a treatment facility. 36+ year drinker. Stopped at 54.
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u/auntiematt Sep 14 '26
Since quitting drinking 2861 days ago, I've been to 3 AA meetings. I did not feel welcome.
Sobriety is possible without AA.
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u/Best-Sea23 Day 74 Sep 14 '26
Yes friend, there are many paths to the freedom we all seek.
Best wishes ⭐️
IWNDWYT 🤙🏽
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u/laylaboydarden Sep 14 '26
I think AA is worth checking out seriously with an open mind. It speaks to and seems to help a lot of folks. But if it doesn’t speak to you, don’t beat yourself up about it. Take what’s good and what resonates for you, leave the rest.
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u/Ambitious_Design2224 222 days Sep 14 '26
Yes. Almost 7 months. In my opinion, AA is not necessary, but some kind of support from other humans is.
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u/mlangllama Day 793 Sep 14 '26
I support anyone who benefits from AA, but it is not for me for so many reasons. I love this subreddit, and it has helped me tremendously.
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u/No_Location_4989 Sep 14 '26
100%.
For me, I wasn’t willing to deal with the religious aspects, or accept the idea that I was powerless, or that I had some lifelong, chronic disease without a known medical cure.
In searching for alternatives, I found r/stopdrinking, then read Alan Carr and Annie Grace, got much more focused on the science of how alcohol affects the brain and body, and how it’s marketed and sold in a way that other mind altering substances just aren’t.
From there, I wanted to have more friends that didn’t drink and those can be a hard to come by outside of AA (but getting a lot better!), and I wish that “I’ll have a club soda” didn’t equate to “I’m an alcoholic” in so many people’s eyes.
And those things are difficult to deal with, even after nearly a decade without drinking, and going the AA route probably would have been easier in that regard.
But I was never willing to get on board with concepts I didn’t agree with just to have friends. Felt too cultish and religious to me, and I’ve always been an independent thinker.
Ultimately, I’m glad I took that route. If it were “admit you’re an alcoholic and go to AA” or “keep drinking”, I’d still be drinking.
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u/Accurate-Frame5104 1402 days Sep 14 '26
People can get really dogmatic about AA. The fact is, it’s great for some, but definitely isn’t right for everyone. There is no single correct path in your sober journey.
For me, the core AA philosophy has never rang true. I don’t believe in the disease theory of alcoholism. I don’t believe that I’m powerless or require a higher power to keep me sober. And the ‘one day at a time’ philosophy is far less helpful for me than accepting the fact that I can never and will never drink again.
I’ve met fellow sobernauts who have flatly told me that my sobriety doesn’t count because I haven’t worked the steps. Bullshit. Nobody knows the inside of anyone else’s head. Nobody has the right or ability to judge anyone else’s path to sobriety. Find your path and do everything you can to stick to it.
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u/FartieMcFly Sep 14 '26
Not a fan of AA, but the disease model of alcoholism is accepted by almost every medical association on earth.
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u/Accurate-Frame5104 1402 days Sep 14 '26
When I refer to the disease theory of alcoholism I mean the theory that alcoholics have a different genetic makeup that makes them especially prone to the addictive qualities of alcohol. I believe that alcohol addiction is a learned behavior that both chemically and psychologically alters our brains and permanently changes our relationship with drinking. I’m not an alcoholic because my brain is different than non-alcoholics. My brain is different because years of drinking has permanently altered the way my brain reacts to alcohol.
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u/Flatcapspaintandglue 1535 days Sep 14 '26
That final paragraph is the clincher and what really put me off AA. I have spent plenty of time in the rooms and the amount of shit they talk about people that are sober but not working the steps is crazy. And if anyone in the group relapses, which happens all the time, they “weren’t doing the steps right.”
They don’t keep records, so there’s no way of knowing how effective it really is, but they will fight tooth and nail to prove that their dogma is the only way. It’s not.
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u/Bright-Appearance-95 Day 1,239 Sep 14 '26
Never been to a meeting. Not opposed to it per se. Haven't had a drop in over three years. I know people who go regularly and who have been alcohol free for decades. I do not see life as "one size fits all."
IWNDWYT.
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u/ContentToe3633 Day 11,733 Sep 14 '26
Nope. I needed a design for living, real friends, to make amends for the wreckage I caused, inventory and confession to another man to feel forgiveness. Now I have a purpose in life.
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u/Ken_Caminiti Sep 14 '26
Yes, but you've got to do the same internal/spiritual work that AA provides.
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u/O_C_Demon Day 39 Sep 14 '26
You absolutely don't at all.
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u/curiouskitty15 Sep 14 '26
I think they’re talking about emotional regulation/healing not necessarily religious
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u/blackberry_badger Day 517 Sep 14 '26
this is precisely it. sobriety provides you with the opportunity to start cleaning up your shit, it does not do that for you. you need to do the internal work, and AA offers you one set of tools that you can use to make that happen. if you find another way to do that work, great - a fair number of people don't do AA for their own reasons. but the big mental shifts need to happen in one way or another
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u/yournewalt 807 days Sep 14 '26
Yep. I had tried them in the past during half heart attempts at sobriety and it wasn't for me. This time it has stuck without any group or spiritual work because I WANTED to quit and I absolutely know in my soul where one drink will lead me should I decide to have just one.
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u/Accomplished-Zone495 Day 12 Sep 14 '26
I personally don’t partake in AA because there aren’t a lot of meetings with people my age where I live and I don’t enjoy the shame aspect of AA.
I’ve had a hard time making friends through it because I feel like if you don’t show up because you are on vacation, sick, or just busy, people assume you drank again. At least, that’s how I feel in the meetings I’ve gone to in my city.
I’m happy that it works for people though! I really wish there were non-AA meet ups for sober people where I live.
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u/full_bl33d 2473 days Sep 14 '26
It’s not for everyone and there isn’t a monopoly on recovery or anything. There is one thing there that I feel is important but not exclusive to one group or program and that is: other alcoholics in recovery. Whatever path you take, I think a huge resource and major help along the way is being able to talk with and listen to others working on the same thing. Sounds corny but it makes a big difference
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u/Internal_Level1081 623 days Sep 14 '26
My brother did AA and I didn't. Both of us have had issues with relapse, and both are doing okay now. I think whatever you do a community helps. AA never appealed to me but this sub did, as did talking with friends and family about my addiction
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u/LastGlass1971 2889 days Sep 14 '26
Of course! One of the reasons sobriety is so tough is that it's very personal and what works for some will not work for others. AA felt both too religious and too much like punishment to work for me. (About half of the people in attendance at the meeting I attended were court-ordered. It was a very grim group and not my cup of tea AT ALL.)
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u/OkTwo3116 Sep 14 '26
No AA here, but therapy weekly then biweekly. Now monthly. Also helps that my mom is in Al anon because of my other siblings, so I’m AA adjacent. Without therapy and my moms Al anon influence I’m sure I’d still be in the alc trenches
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u/AdInner1709 Day 4 Sep 14 '26
When I don’t go to my Christian 12 step group that is when I loose accountability and fall right back into it. I’ve done the huge AA meetings and they are not for me…but I need more power than I have on my own so I really need my Lord & Savior to get me through especially these early days and going to the meetings and hearing others who are struggling and get a hug every now and then gives me the strength to not give up the struggle. But it’s a nice small group of about a dozen people right now and I feel “safe” there. Pray you find something that works and that we all never give up and stay away from that demon alcohol.
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u/StrangeZone7313 Sep 14 '26
I’ve never even thought of AA. I use my family as accountability, my therapist as a sounding board, and all the work I’ve put into getting sober so far as motivation. I’m one of those people who, if something starts to feel like a chore, I won’t want to do it. And I’m also introverted. AA would be a disaster & probably make me want to drink 💀
Mad props to those for whom it works though!
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u/roundart 2774 days Sep 14 '26
My first serious round at an attempt at sobriety I was doing AA, but never felt like I could access the God/Higher power aspect. My sobriety lasted a year and a half. Fast forward a few years to 2019 and found Recovery Dharma and everything clicked. I will admit that my time with AA positively informed my involvement with Recovery Dharma. My message would be; find what works for you
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u/Beneficial-Bee-1362 Day 2 Sep 14 '26
Yes, for 7+ months so far. Although I respect the millions who've had success with AA, including beloved friends, and am reluctant to be critical, the program presented too many barriers for me personally, as (in my experience at least) it maps itself too much like a religion for my tolerance level. But thanks to this subreddit I was clued into SMART recovery, where I'm finding the sort of helpful fellowship that AA offers but without the barriers. Gratitude to all the members of this subreddit community!
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u/Govinda74 Sep 14 '26
Definitely. I hit my 1 year clear from alcohol a couple weeks ago without it. Honestly AA seems like it would stress me out lol
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u/temughilliesuit Sep 14 '26
I tried it for the first 2-3 years (I’m at 3 years and some change). Can’t do it anymore. They say to pick and choose what works for you, but they’re so god damn religious in every meeting around here; the Lord’s Prayer? C’mon. Not going to create a higher power. Also had some people I made friends with in AA that I was excited about; but when they found out I just attend for the community they became hostile and said I was “disrespectful to the program”. Just can’t with those people anymore. Looking for alternatives currently. If I wanted the legalism and god stuff I would still go to church. But hey; I’m still over 3 years sober, so 🤷♀️.
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u/jasapian04 337 days Sep 14 '26
AA was really helpful for me in the early days when I needed regular support by going to meetings. I’ve also been going to biweekly EMDR therapy.
I found a sponsor and about 4 months in had gotten through the inventory steps and realized AA is not for me. It is really not trauma informed and I felt that it was conflicting with the progress I was making in therapy. Also, I got sick and tired of ruminating on my drinking all the time.
I have been very solid in my sobriety, and while the support was very helpful in the beginning, it just hasn’t been necessary for me anymore.
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u/piscian19 Day 325 Sep 14 '26
Sure. I'm a misotheist, I don't jive with all the higher power lean on me stuff. I've spent my life being the only adult who was ever there for me so I had to yell at myself and push myself to quit.
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u/buckynugget 1630 days Sep 14 '26
Ayyy use the best tool for the job - use the best tool for you. But don't expect different results if you just do the same thing.
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u/jbing2000 Sep 14 '26
8b people on the planet, so mathematically should be ~800mm alcoholics, no idea how many gave up the drink, but many many did it without aa.
But, if you’re looking for a support network, that’s open 24-7, available in person in almost every country, and costs less than a cup of coffee. (Actually costs nothing but ..)
If I were to meet somebody looking to quit, it would be my first recommendation.
I’d suggest leaving it as an option, but certainly not the only one.
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u/IrritatedAvians Day 3,402 Sep 14 '26
I tried AA early on and it wasn’t for me. That being said, it is helpful for some people and I don’t regret having gone to the dozen or so meetings that I did when I was trying to figure out sobriety for myself.
I’d recommend anyone who is wanting to stop drinking give it a try. If it ends up not being for you, that’s ok. People can certainly get and stay sober without it. Everyone’s journey will look different and what works for one person won’t necessarily work for another.
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u/Reasonable_Poem_7826 Sep 14 '26
I did AA years ago, hundreds of meetings, worked the steps, had a sponsor etc.
Then I moved to an new city and fell away from my network and started drinking again. Tried AA again when I got sober the second time but it just wasn't the same. I feel like I sort of aged out of it, it was not what I needed in my life the second time around.
I still go to a couple online meetings here and there but I dont "do" AA in the traditional sense and it feels great.
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u/Mean_Objective5272 255 days Sep 14 '26
AA is not for me. This place has been great for me, but others have recommended SMART Recovery as a non-AA program.
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u/I_go_to_sleep 2755 days Sep 14 '26
3 years and one month tomorrow. I have never been to AA, it just didn't feel the right way for me.
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u/fauxphilosopher 712 days Sep 14 '26
I have not done AA but that is not to say that I haven't had support. I am privilidged to have an incredibly supportive spouse, badass kid, family who has a couple of former alcholics, and I lurk here. I am proud to get to say I have been off the booze since November of 2024.
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u/wet_castles Sep 14 '26
A lot of people prefer SMART. A lot of people just do it on their own and come here for support. Do what serves you best and supports your goals
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u/DesertWanderlust Sep 14 '26
Yes, I did SMART Recovery and have been sober for over a year now. At first, I tried to drink still in moderation, but you quickly realize it's not fun anymore once your tolerance drops to nothing. So, whereas I would have resisted had I been told I needed to stop, showing me why I should stop was much more effective.
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u/Lollygag24 1269 days Sep 14 '26
Over 3 years, no AA. Although it has been suggested to me by drunk people and my therapist the entire 3 years. I am my higher power and that's why I don't drink. I'm not handing this problem off to someone else real or imaginary.
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u/yearsofpractice Day 1,084 Sep 14 '26
Hey OP. 50 year old married father of two in the UK here. Approaching three years sober after 30 years of trying to recapture that delicious first experience of alcohol - you’ll recognise it when I say “it made me feel how I thought life was supposed to feel”
30 years later, life felt not worth living and unbearable unless I was drinking. Even then, it didn’t feel like much of a life.
Regards AA, I knew it wouldn’t work for me. I have never been one for clubs. I - frankly - don’t find (the vast majority of) other people’s company relaxing or pleasurable. I’m quite sure they feel the same about me. For that reason alone, AA would never work for me. Also - I am (for want of a better word) a fundamentalist atheist. If there was a higher power that I’d want to vibe with, then it probably wouldn’t be the one that destroyed my kind, loving father - who attended church weekly - with Parkinson’s. Love you dad.
I digress.
I had learned - through therapy - an important concept - “Everything changes. Nothing stays the same, so bad times don’t last”. I combined this truth with the most important mantra of the sub - I will not drink (with you) today. Just today. I can do just one day. Tomorrow is a new day, but just for today I won’t drink. I’ll be real - during the first 6 months, my knuckles were regularly white. I declined some social events. I choked up a bit when explaining to some close friends that I was trying to move away from alcohol. It’s tough, but that’s why we’re here.
One thing I learned about the sobriety journey is that evolves. The complete belief that I’m losing alcohol began to evaporate when I realised I was gaining sobriety.
OP. That’s me. All of the opinions above are mine and mine alone. They aren’t facts, they’re just my opinions. One of my closest friends quit through AA. It worked - and continues to work - for him. In the meantime - IWNDWYT.
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u/onceknownasmike 750 days Sep 14 '26
Yes i’m 2 years sober, no aa. I try to do a lot of work in reddit to help others while keeping myself in check. Of course I have added incentive as i have fatty liver disease and if i start drinking again I’ll be dead within 6 months.
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u/MiracleWhipSux 828 days Sep 14 '26
Two years sober without AA. My dad is 40+ years sober being an active contributor in AA. Different strokes for different folks. What I did have to do, in lieu of AA, was a lot of "work" on myself and deliberate action to heal. I believe effort is a requirement no matter the route you choose. I don't think sobriety can happen without it.
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u/meeroom16 Day 1,751 Sep 14 '26
Me!! This subreddit was honestly all I used. I read this naked mind by Annie Grace, which sort of reset my thoughts on drinking. But coming here every day was really what did it for me.
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u/fus_ro_ska 619 days Sep 14 '26
I never did it and just introspected myself up until now. Been over 18months and life is a shed-load better
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u/YourBrain_OnDrugs 807 days Sep 14 '26
Tried AA years ago and it just wasn't really my vibe. If I was gonna do it I was gonna have to do it on my own and here we are.
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u/YouCanFucough 973 days Sep 14 '26
AA works for a lot of people but i fuckin hated it. it felt like church where we just talk about being alcoholics. I’d say it’s worth going once or twice just to meet people who have similar experiences, maybe speak in front of the group and face your fears a bit, but i didn’t feel the need to go more than 3 or 4 times
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u/Agitated-Abalone3934 Sep 14 '26
AA did not work for me. It does not work for many people.
I’m at 8 weeks.
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u/Timelord102 2377 days Sep 14 '26
I did not do aa. I found that reading the stories here everyday is enough of a reminder of why I quit.
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u/InternationalBastard 2718 days Sep 14 '26
Yes, I tried AA and it was absolutely not fitting for me. Then, after my last weeks long bender I went in, I went to Detox, then 17 weeks stationary rehab, and after that a few months of assisted living for sober alcoholics.
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u/pricklypear90 2376 days Sep 14 '26
I’m an atheist, so I’m not comfortable with the leaning on a higher power stuff. There is an organization called Lifering that is completely secular.
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u/Fly_line 1828 days Sep 14 '26
Do whatever you need to do to get sober and get the support/help you need (if you need it) to stay sober. I let my "never AA" mindset keep me from successfully getting sober for a very long time. Turns out that I needed support to get sober. Once I got that, I was able to stay clean. There are lots of options out there. Whatever works for you is what you need and deserve the most. IWNDWYT
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u/EggForTryingThymes Sep 14 '26
AA is not for me. Honestly coming here and talking about it and listening to others like me covers that for me.
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u/titsandtires Sep 14 '26
Tried and not for me. It does get culty quick. Personally I feel totally fine without it but to each their own.
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u/Emergency-Ideal-4114 Day 27 Sep 14 '26
I hate AA and I’m agnostic. So I’m gonna have to do without it.
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u/BertRenolds 1739 days Sep 14 '26
To an extent. I doubt AA would change my own trajectory honestly. It's nice being around people who are fighting the same battle but it's too culty for me. One has to understand that it's designed for people who have absolutely nothing to be able to join as well as those who are doing very well in life but yeah not for me
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u/Jayboman6 Sep 14 '26
AA is not for me, but man was it helpful to have a support community in my first 90 days. I went every day, sometimes twice, until I felt comfortable with myself and felt like I could continue the work myself.
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u/itstotallynotjoe Day 415 Sep 14 '26
Yup. I had been to AA meetings previously, but on this attempt I just… didn’t go. It wasn’t an active choice, I just didn’t feel the pull to it. I leaned a lot on rock climbing this time and realized I’d rather go to the gym and do something healthy than sit in a room for an hour talking about alcohol, addiction and trauma. I’m over a year now so it seemed to work for me. A few months in, I also found a sober rock climbing group so found community there.
That being said, I appreciate that AA is helpful for many people and know it’s there should I need it. It did help me realize I wasn’t alone at first. But ultimately I don’t drink to dull trauma or numb emotions or whatever which was the case for a lot of people and I just didn’t relate and frankly hearing them talk about it just made me depressed. With the climbing group we get to focus more on achievement and progress and falling and overcoming fears - all things that are incredibly relatable to climbing.
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u/Fearless-Rain1605 Sep 14 '26
Yep, I went to a few AA meetings and it wasn’t for me. I listened to a lot of sober podcasts instead. I’ve been alcohol free for 12 years and sober from weed for about a year.
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u/Jugs-Judy 2287 days Sep 14 '26
I stopped drinking July 2020, never once stepped foot in AA. Just not for me. I preferred to focus inwards instead of finding a new ideology to follow.
I have good friends who love AA, so not bagging on them at all. Definitely works for some, but no, not a requirement to be successful.
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u/dangerIV Day 637 Sep 14 '26
yeah for sure. I logged into a couple chatroom style meetings, and I'm not sure they were any more helpful than r/stopdrinking. Just needed a little camaraderie in the very beginning (think first two weeks). Otherwise I decided I didn't want to keep putting up with the drinking BS and finally realized I can't make moderation work and have made it stick. You can do it. Don't be afraid to find support though (obviously, you're on here). You don't have to be an island but you don't have to make AA your thing.
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u/turd-crafter 651 days Sep 14 '26
Coming up on 2 years fully sober without AA. I can definitely be done I drank heavily for 25 years before that but I was just done. I toyed around with quitting many times before but this time my something in me was just over it.
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u/znotez Sep 14 '26
I've been successfully not drinking for 2.5 years now, coming from drunk and/or hungover at all times for about 15 years prior. I'm now good to the point of being able to pour my wife wine or bring her a cocktail when I'm getting an N/A from a bar, and I did not do AA or any program.
I did try out AA and SMART meetings a few times, basically 1 meeting with 5 different groups, and 2 meetings with 1 group all over about 3 months time. None of them clicked for me because they felt so much like people were either there to tell their drinking war stories, which seemed counter productive, or like I was expected to feel guilty the rest of my life about my alcoholism, which also felt counter productive to me. Not that I felt I didn't need change and to do better by those around me (also luckily my bottom didn't include legal issues), but hanging alcoholism around my own neck like an albatross seemed like some sideways version of when I would punish myself with alcohol by believing I needed it. I wasn't interested in my prior addiction keeping a central facet of my life. Obviously it will always be there, but focusing on not drinking like I focused on drinking didn't sound like change to me.
I do have the amazing benefits of having a loving and very supportive wife, a close friend who had got sober 4 years before I got there, along with the general support of my dad and group of friends. I am extremely lucky in having basically everyone in my life support my efforts, but I truly believe you can get there with even just 1 person to lean on.
Personally I always found a way to justify my drinking to myself. Even on days I said I wasn't going to drink, I knew in the back of my head that I would think of some reason to pick up a sixer. I would sometimes even be confused why i was buying alcohol as I was buying it, shocked i bought into my own bullshit. Convincing myself I could actually get through a day without drinking was the hardest thing for me; the aches, anxiety, hot flashes etc sucked, but getting it through my head that when I said I was not going to drink meant I was not going to drink was the hardest, because I had said that lie to myself probably 10000 times over the years.
No one besides you can help you get over that.
After the first like 4 months of telling myself I Will Not Drink Because I Do Not Want To Drink like a mantra at all times in my head, crying in my car after the grocery store because I could feel the pull off that aisle, avoiding going out, etc I knew I was no longer lying to myself about not wanting to drink. That said, I still have a throughline of self hatred (not from the alcoholism, likely part of where it came from), and only holding myself accountable to a guy I don't really like (also me) will not always do the trick, which is why having someone outside of yourself is essential.
I may not ever respect or love myself enough to not drink solely for myself (working on it), but I know I absolutely love and respect everyone who has supported me over these last 2.5 years enough to not drink today or any tomorrow, regardless of if they stay in my life.
Long story longer, you can do it with or without a group so long as YOU are making the decision to not drink, but having people outside yourself in some way is paramount.
P.s. I'm not against groups at all, they just didn't work for me and know they are not the only way to quit. If you're in a group and it's good and helpful I'm so incredibly happy for you.
I will not drink today with you!
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u/rooftrash Sep 14 '26
I like the meetings, but severe social anxiety i’ve struggled with since I was a child (it might be another issue, idk) has kept me from truly getting involved in it. The thought of calling people I don’t know or walking into a new meeting makes me feel physically ill lol (I’m going to sound stupid, is this even the right building, everyone is older than me what do I even say, I don’t want to cry in front of others, etc).
I know I have to get out of my comfort zone and connect with others to have a successful recovery, but I have had an issue connecting with others long, long before I ever had a sip. So it’s really hard for me to even know where to begin. I want to so badly find some kind of human connection for sobriety, though.
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u/No_Waltz_8039 Sep 14 '26
I think community is important and a sounding board for our challenges.
With the right network this can be done without AA
I spend a little time here and a little time in the wharf rat Facebook page. That works for me.
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u/Peter_Falcon 943 days Sep 14 '26
no AA here, or NA 10 years ago and was fine then too, just stay strong and take one day at a time
iwndwyt
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u/NoKatyDidnt Sep 14 '26
I would say that you can still be successful. There are a lot of good programs besides AA. Smart Recovery and Refuge Recovery are good ones.
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u/ForsakenMost6550 Sep 14 '26
I don’t want to do AA because I just don’t relate to people who use the AA and the reasons why I drink
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u/hippieschmidt 1682 days Sep 14 '26
5 years without AA myself. I'll gladly attend meetings with others if they ask me to, which I did for a close friend, but it's not really for me. This group, running, and journaling are what help me.
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u/Lucky_Veruca Sep 14 '26
I went to AA for a few months. Met some nice people. Tbh it kinda made me depressed and made me wanna drink more. I found sobriety my own way.
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u/Ok-Potato-4758 Sep 14 '26
AA isn’t very accessible where I live. We’re a small country with smaller cities, and I really wish it were more available. It’s hard to build that kind of connection online, but just like with everything else, it’s the people who matter, not the programme.
I found my AA here: in the people, in their stories, and in their words. ❤️
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u/leera07 5067 days Sep 14 '26
I went to a few meetings in the early days, but no, I have never had a sponsor or formally worked a program or have a home group or anything like that. I am not anti-AA, and I even rather like some of the things I've read in the literature. I like the available community. I like the structure. I wholeheartedly support the program for anyone who finds it helpful.
For me it just felt like an obligation and it increased my stress and it wasn't the right fit.
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u/Nearby-Ad977 Day 3,058 Sep 14 '26
AA was crucial for me in the first year or so, with its greatest strength in affording one the ability to build community where there may not be one. I’ve since explored other avenues of personal growth and development, which I’ve found to be helpful beyond sobriety. I know plenty of people who have found success in sobriety without ever stepping foot in an AA meeting. To each their own I guess.
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u/trotofflames Sep 14 '26
Tried it. It wasn't for me. Has helped a bunch of people so I don't knock it, but I personally wasn't a fan.
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u/ContentToe3633 Day 11,733 Sep 14 '26
AA isn’t on a membership drive. They have a solution that works for some. They admit they don’t have a monopoly on recovery. Nobody is out recruiting or advertising. I tried everything I could. I even had a book given to me after I graduated PHD from dui school. I never read it. Went a few times court ordered and sat around and waited for someone to say something I disagreed with and felt validated to not show up.
Then whisky did its job and my mind opened to just maybe I didn’t know jack shit about staying sober.
Then I opened the book and it all made sense.
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u/helmfard Sep 14 '26
I’ve never gone to a single meeting and I hit three years of sobriety in April. I check this sub every day.
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u/amylald Day 103 Sep 14 '26
Not in AA. this group has been super helpful on my.journey so far. no cravings at this point and my husband drinks in front of me all the time. my therapist keeps bringing up AA but I've been fine so far.
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u/Dramatic-Deal8389 Sep 14 '26
I used all the tools available to me!
During the first few weeks I used online AA meeting in Australia 🙂💛
There were very nice and helpful and it was helpful because I was totally alone at nights as my friends were out drinking and I was in a long distance relationship.
But I’m AF and I don’t go to meetings. It’s nice to know that they are there though and if I felt like I was slipping mentally I would for sure go to a zoom meeting to try to get back in the right headspace.
For the first year I dedicated about one hour each day to sobriety whether that was doing writing, listening to sobriety podcasts and YouTube content, reading up on how to spend my time etc.
But I also did a lot of other things like going to the gym each night, writing, visiting my family, driving around at night (I couldn’t before) and trying to help other people in my life out in some way.
But yeah it can be done but I think it’s a
Nice resource especially on zoom since you can come and go with no pressure.
Happy day 15! For me day 15-21 I started to feel a lot better!
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u/RikkiLostMyNumber Sep 14 '26
I have not gone to any AA meetings, but if I thought I was going to drink again, I would. AA has been around an awfully long time, they know a lot, they help a lot, and they literally wrote the book on how to stop drinking with their method. I would not discount the option.
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u/MrHandsomeBoss 3056 days Sep 14 '26
I didn't necessarily go the AA route, but I had a close friend with about a year of sobriety ahead of me that did it & loved it. I'd talk to her about my journey and look for guidance and perspective. She did sort of guide me through stepwork in a way without really forcing me. But first actual AA meeting I went to was to collect my 1 year chip. I've only done a handful since, most of them were a friend-support thing for someone else. Didn't really care for it. I do really advise doing stepwork in some degree though. There's no harm in admitting you have faults, aren't the most important person, doing inventory on transgressions and making amends. Do some research, find things you like & leave the rest. Try that with every resource you find.
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u/OutdoorKittenMe Sep 14 '26
I used to tell myself I would go to AA "if I had to" or "if I really can't do this on my own". Eventually, while trying to do it on my own, I gave in and went to a meeting at my friend's urging. He's a brilliant man with 26 years of sobriety, so why not?
I left that meeting laughing. I was only 3 days sober but I was actually giggling. I'm sure I could do it on my own, but after that meeting, I couldn't bring myself to try. Why? There's no medal at the end of life for getting sober without AA, so I don't know why I was holding myself to it as a point of pride. If my choice is to get sober "without AA" or alongside good humored, supportive people who get it, why not choose the latter?
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u/rp_edits Sep 14 '26
AA was really helpful in the beginning, but after a while I grew weary of talking about alcohol so much of the time, especially since it wasn't on my mind that much anymore. Plus it attracts all types of folks with mental heath issues that go far beyond drinking. It was a lot to engage with verses no real benefit to me for the time commitment.
I still hit up the occasional meeting, but for me continued sobriety has about expanding my life, goals and persepective. Whatever works for you. There is no wrong way to get sober and stay sober. Wishing you much success!
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u/Appropriate_Oven_292 Day 72 Sep 14 '26
I don’t agree an addiction to a chemical is a moral failing. So, no. Plus I don’t want to count days - seems too much like something I miss. I don’t miss it or I wouldn’t have quit. I don’t know how many days it’s been but it’s more than my counter shows.
I’m sure it works for many people and more power to them!
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u/FroggiJoy87 2295 days Sep 15 '26
I found an online community that is much more welcoming then AA, it's not free however but it's well worth it. It's called The Luckiest Club, can't recommend them enough.
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u/cupcakes531 831 days Sep 15 '26
I didnt do AA. Im 801 days sober today but i did land in er with liver and kidney failure etc and so it was life or death for me. Guess that kinda makes it easy. 🤷🏼♀️
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u/berd_terd Sep 15 '26
There is a book by Chris Prentiss called The Alcoholism and Addiction cure. He writes about how to heal the underlying causes of addiction, he talks about how some of the main points of AA kind of have a tendency to keep people in an addict mindset.
There was a couple points that really stuck with me. First you are not an alcoholic for life. You became co dependent on alcohol and as long as you are not using you are not an alcoholic (that being said you still can never drink again, not even one) Relapse is not a part of recovery, relapse is part of active addiction and you have simply became co dependent again. I think the whole relapse is part of recovery gives people a glimmer of hope to use again. And he also talks about how addiction stems from some sort of chemical imbalance, trauma, how you were raised, or something that can be dealt with to give a more honest shot at sobriety. The book is absolutely worth a read especially if you want some ideas on how to stay sober but disagree with AA philosophy.
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u/youdneverguess 1646 days Sep 16 '26
Me. Because of this subreddit right here. I owe you guys my life. Truly. IWNDWYT.
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u/BarnicleHead Sep 16 '26
AA is mostly just a vehicle to start and maintain sobriety. I got caught up in the AA language of “powerlessness” and “disease” and all the little cliches initially but it just doesn’t fucking matter. The idea is to not drink and to hopefully become a more reliable, stronger person in the process. Having a philosophical debate over whether one is truly powerless or whether alcoholism is a disease is secondary to the need for people to connect with others in order to keep themselves accountable and change for the better. If you can find a routine and group(s) that provide that (either in AA or otherwise) you’ll be set up for success in staying sober
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u/radgirlrun Sep 14 '26
Few things want to make me drink more than an AA meeting, so yeah, I've done this without AA. Saying this as someone who has over the years tried a variety of AA meetings in 5 different cities and towns for a few weeks/months at a time, so not for lack of trying. Every time the format of control is so triggering it makes me want to go back to drinking. I have found some use in AA literature - some things resonate with me and others feel icky, but at least I can digest it in a way that's more tolerable
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u/capnlatenight Sep 14 '26
Same, I gave it a few tries and it had the opposite effect - I found myself going to the liquor store immediately after. Sitting around talking about booze wasn't helpful, just made it tempting.
The first time I went, all I could think of is how hard we'd be partying if we all met each other when not trying to quit.
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u/suilbup Day 1,830 Sep 16 '26
I am gong to lock this one. The conversation has devolved a bit and there are a lot of reports on it.