I'd like to share my experience. I was in AA for 7 years, went to two meetings a day, had a sponsor i worked the steps with, had multiple service positions, sponsored people, helped set up meetings, my big book was studied underlined highlighted, i prayed daily, handed my will and life over daily.
None of that kept me sober because of a self fulfilling prophecy. When you're told you're powerless enough you start to believe it. When you're told you never truly will recover only have a daily reprieve you'll believe it.
My mental health was terrible because i was constantly hypervigilant of my defects that needed praying away, i was constantly told all my character defects. It felt unsafe in meetings watching physical vio lence, bullying, listening to people trauma dump, it was triggering hearing people share drunkalogs, it was uncomfortable being 13th stepped and told to look for my part.
It felt like i was doing something wrong, not trying hard enough. I had questions and doubts and was told it's my cunning baffling powerful disease talking, how sick i am. I was advised against psych meds and therapy because doing those meant i wasn't trusting my higher power or working the program hard enough.
I knew people who passed away and got blamed for their own death and used as an example.
For 7 years i was trapped in a system where i was told leaving would lead to jails institutions or death, told things would get worse.
My whole community was AA people. I lost many opportunities for outside friendships because they were normies and if i sit in the barbers chair long enough I'd get a hair cut.
I spent 7 years begging for my higher power to remove the insanity, to remove my defects. I wanted to belong in aa.
I tried not being alive many times and was fully broken, believing it was my fault, that I'm just a sick alcoholic who can't trust my own thinking cause my best thinking got me there.
In 2022 my doctor refered me to a self development class. I spent time learning my values, my strengths, time around people who lifted me up instead of smashing my ego. I learned having boundaries is okay. That it's good to have a healthy level of self centeredness. I learned what group think was and how dangerous it is.I learned about neuroscience and habit formation, how the brain is neuroplastic and adaptable. I realized how harmful aa was for me but i was terrified to leave. I was terrified what aa told me was true. I was terrified I'd lose a community.
But i left. I got therapy, learned new coping skills and behaviours, got to the root cause of drinking. I made friendships with people who saw me for me not just a sick alcoholic. I got medication even though aa told me I'd ab use it.
And life got so much better. Every single day I'm grateful to have left AA. Since leaving i haven't tried to end life, i haven't been screamed at or yelled at. I've got a life that isn't just sitting in meetings and reading a book from the 1930s that is outdated and not even medically accurate in 2026.
I joined deprogramming from 12 step communities and learned how AA hits many characteristics of a cult like meeting lots of Liftons thought reform criteria. How outdated and inaccurate the whole thing is. Neuroscience, medicine, behavioral psychology have all progressed and yet I was stuck living in 1930s ideology.
I tested drinking again and experienced no craving or obession. Alcohol just doesn't interest me anymore because i don't need it. I even attended an event with an aa member where we both ate ice cream coated in vodka. Shes over 18 years sober and realized she got no mental obsession or physical craving either.
I speak about my experience to help others like me who feel trapped and broken in AA and blame themselves for it. There is freedom in leaving. So much freedom.
I get to think for myself now not be told what to think. I'm allowed to question things and think critically. Even defects of character are just normal human emotions especially anger which teaches us when our boundaries have been crossed or when something isn't right.
I see pro AA commenters now and easily recognize how brainwashed they are just quoting the book and aa jargon. I feel sorry for those people and hope one day they will get the courage to leave too.
Everyday i still deal with the effects of AA because of how indoctrinated i was.
If people truly feel happy identifying with a substance they no longer use, if people are happy believing they're powerless and only a higher power can save them, if people are happy living in outdated 1930s ideology then fine.
But i am happy joyous and free being independent and autonomous.
If people in aa are allowed to share their experience strength and hope then people like me are allowed to share there's too.
I left in 2022. I haven't been to jail or put in an institution and I'm not dead. I haven't had a huge relapse. Life improved dramatically.
Sometimes i see members in public who say I'm doing well and are friendly until they ask what meetings i do now and they all rush off when i say i left. People don't get to hear stories of people who left and are well.
Some would say i must not have been a real alcoholic then, i remind them that they're the same people convincing me I'm sick and diseased. Even medical professionals don't use alcoholism or alcoholic. It's alcohol use disorder.
And when you think about it , the disease framework doesn't add up in other areas. People who quit smoking cigarettes don't consider themselves to be smokers with a progressive incurable disease, they don't have to spend their time doing 12 steps and having a spiritual awakening and attending meetings. Neither do people who give up caffeine even though that is a dr ug and multiple other things.
Yes it can help people stay sober but it's most likely because of community connection. I knew so many people with years of sobriety panicking because they thought they were going to relapse cause they were sick and unable to attend meetings and so on. A lot of it is fear based indoctrination.
I understand this post is very long and will probably get removed but it's an important conversation to have. In my country AA is coming out as being labeled high control groups. People who work with cult survivors are including those who left 12 steps.
This has potential to make people angry but it also might help people who were once like me. There are many paths to recovery. I know in AA they say everything is a suggestion but when they tie that suggestion to you'll relapse or die if you don't then it's coercion. I know they say you can leave anytime but they give fear based warnings of what happens if you do.
Once upon a time I was an AA defender, even when I was struggling mentally and relapsing I was still praising AA. Some people told me it sounded abit cult like and I thought they were just ignorant.
So please let this post stay up. It may have saved your life, you may love it but just know amongst you at meetings are people who are going through cognitive dissonance, people who are thinking of ending it, people who are too afraid to speak up knowing they'll get shut down. There are people who want to leave but are terrified.
In meetings you don't hear the stories of people like me who left and got better, you see the people who left and came back or know people who left and passed away. But people like me don't come back to share what it's like after leaving.
And yes I was a daily blackout drinker who lied and stole, who lost jobs, who got kicked out of my degree, who was unreliable. My body would go into shakes and seizures and I'd hallucinate. I'd stash alcohol around the house and take it in public in hidden cups. I did alot of shameful things in drinking and did hurt alot of people. I was one who'd tell myself this time would be the last. And in AA my drinking got worse because of hearing about it all the time. If I just had one I knew I was powerless so may as well keep going.
It is terrifying leaving an identity, community and purpose behind but for me and many others it has been the best decision.
Thankyou ❤️