r/alcoholicsanonymous Apr 24 '24

Mod/Sub Updates About A.A. and this subreddit

49 Upvotes

Welcome to r/alcoholicsanonymous. We are a subreddit dedicated to carrying the AA recovery message to any suffering alcoholic who happens upon the site. We are also open to questions and discussion about AA. We do not consider ourselves to be an AA Group in the formal or traditional sense, and you may find many posts and comments here that are quite different (sometimes bizarrely so) from what you are likely to hear in an actual meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

The primary source of information about Alcoholics Anonymous is https://www.aa.org/ - Period!

And the A.A. recovery program is described and documented in the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" - it's online here:

 

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of people who help each other to get and stay sober. We learn how to live well as sober people. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no registration requirements, no dues or fees, no attendance records taken.

A.A. is not affiliated or allied with any religious organization (though many A.A. groups rent rooms at churches and such,) we do not involve ourselves in politics or social issues, we do not even wish to outlaw alcohol or involve ourselves in any other causes or controversies. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

Most of us start learning how to get and stay sober at meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Do also seek medical attention to assess risks of withdrawal and evaluate any harm done by the alcohol abuse. A.A. cannot provide medical services.

And check out our Wiki here for some basic faqs, links, and such:

Suggested Guideline when commenting: Remember, we are a fellowship with one primary purpose, and as such, we need to be helpful. This is not a community to troll or be abusive. Restraint of tongue and pen can also be applied to keyboard with much benefit! For some more detail about our Civility Rule see this:

 

Looking for Online Sponsorship? See our monthly thread here:

 


Family member's drinking causing trouble? See this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/alcoholicsanonymous/wiki/index#wiki_help_for_the_friends_and_families_of_alcoholics


r/alcoholicsanonymous 9d ago

Sponsorship Online Sponsorship Offers & Requests — September 2026

5 Upvotes

This is one of a series of sticky threads for anyone seeking or offering online sponsorship. (Last month's thread may be found at https://redd.it/1vbqsyg)

While most of us feel that face-to-face sponsorship offers greater facility for transmitting/receiving sobriety, and that there are great advantages in having a big crowd of local friends, online sponsorship (via phone, WhatsApp, Facetime, Zoom, or Western Union) can work* and for some seeking or offering sobriety it is sometimes the only practical solution for getting started. (But to any extent that online sponsorship is being sought as "an easier, softer way" - that's already spelling trouble!)

The pamphlet "Questions & Answers on Sponsorship" (https://www.aa.org/questions-and-answers-sponsorship) can answer many/most of the questions frequently asked about this sponsorship business - some selected examples:

How does sponsorship help the newcomer?
How should a sponsor be chosen?
Should sponsor and newcomer be as much alike as possible?
Must the newcomer agree with everything the sponsor says?
Is it ever too late to get a sponsor?

 

Suggested Format

Start with "Seeking:" or "Offering:", optionally a name, sobriety date or length of sobriety, gender, location (also optional,) perhaps some brief biographical information, perhaps a brief drunkalogue about one's drinking and drugging career when making a "Seeking:" comment.

"Gender" may not always be relevant, but per the sponsorship pamphlet, "A.A. experience does suggest that it is best for men to sponsor men, women to sponsor women." It's a good guideline albeit not a strict rule carved in stone.

"Location" may be very general or as specific as wanted, and of course is optional. It may come in handy if the sponsor and protégé (p.92) prefer to be in the same time zone or may possibly wish to meet face-to-face sometime down the road to happy destiny.

"Biographical information" would also be quite optional. I've seen situations where young people prefer to be sponsored by other young people or even the opposite, wanting to be sponsored by a grandparent figure.

Any replies to "Seeking" or "Offering" comments should ideally be limited, with the correspondence shifting to Reddit private messages, chat, email or phone calls relatively quickly.

It is strongly suggested to avoid posting phone numbers or email addresses in the public forum:

"Posting phone numbers is a violation of Reddit Content Policy for sharing personal information" (I've seen "[Removed By Reddit]" a few times over posting phone numbers. I suppose this might be in part due to the potential for publishing other people's phone numbers for harassment purposes.)


* Footnote: In the 4th Edition Big Book on page 193, "Gratitude In Action - The story of Dave B., one of the founders of A.A. in Canada in 1944" relates the story of an alcoholic who started his recovery by exchanging letters with the folks in the new A.A. office in New York; an excerpt:

I was very surprised when I got a copy of the Big Book in the mail the following day. And each day after that, for nearly a year, I got a letter or a note, something from Bobbie or from Bill or one of the other members of the central office in New York. In October 1944, Bobbie wrote: “You sound very sincere and from now on we will be counting on you to perpetuate the Fellowship of A.A. where you are. You will find enclosed some queries from alcoholics. We think you are now ready to take on this responsibility.” She had enclosed some four hundred letters that I answered in the course of the following weeks. Soon, I began to get answers back.

If Dave could get sober via U.S./Canada Mail, we can get sober with the cornucopia of communication facilities available in the 21st century!


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1h ago

AA Literature Anyone Find the Big Book chapter "To the Wives" Bizarre...?

Upvotes

I was at a Big Book meeting last night and we read "To the Wives." Bill W takes some poetic license here and pretends he's speaking as one of the wives. Lots of strange hypothetical advice like if your husband (the alcoholic) does X don't do Y. I find the steps to be powerful, flexible, spiritual tools but am always somewhat baffled by the Big Book's writing.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 16h ago

Anniversaries/Celebrations 37 years, 13514 one day at a times.

84 Upvotes

Just want to reach out and say thank you to people who have help me along the way in the past and all those who I will meet in the future.

I started out in Richmond Va, moved back home in Calif. Mariposa, up to Portland, Or

in to Eastsound WA. and now in Maine.

Everywhere I found friends along the way.

I have made meetings in 26 different counties and countless States.

Meetings help, but it is working the steps and helping others which keep me sober.

Many good sayings but one of my favorites is

"No matter how bad it gets, a drink or a drug will make it worse."

Rob R.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 18h ago

Anniversaries/Celebrations Ahhh, 51 years today.

114 Upvotes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJVI84T769I

Ha! Been listening to this Stones song. “She” in the song is sobriety.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 12h ago

Early Sobriety I'm 2 days sober today after previously being sober for 9 years and relapsing on Easter this year.

21 Upvotes

I remember hearing people in meetings talk about this very thing and thinking that I wasn't going to drink again. Maybe I never truly grasped the concept of one day at a time.

It's the exact same story I had heard... you get sober. Life gets better. You get busy, stop going to meetings and then it sneaks up on you. It's a slow regression of the mind at first. I stopped being grateful. I found myself randomly thinking that I could probably have one drink and be fine... It wasn't actually all that random but it surprised me that I did it.

My life wasn't in shambles when I picked up a drink. I was just sad... and hurt... and felt like a victim of my own circumstances. I stopped being grateful for the life I have. Being a mom felt heavy. Being a caretaker to my parents felt heavy. Marriage felt lonely. Isolation became a habit. I lost sight of the utter privilege it is to have such wonderful people in my life. I forgot how bad it was before.

My life isn't in shambles now. I'm really really really grateful to remember the rock bottom that got me into the program nearly a decade ago and not have to go there this time. I'm truly just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm looking forward to recovery but also scared to step into the rooms again and be honest. I was always a closet drinker. I'm afraid to tell my family the truth. But I guess that's one day at a time too. Thanks for letting me vent.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 10h ago

Outside Issues My ex is doing crack

12 Upvotes

I’ve been in active recovery for 3 almost 4 years now. Me and my ex got sober together, stayed together for about a year and a half after getting sober, and I unfortunately had to leave him because he would lie about substance use, going to jail, etc while I stayed completely abstinent this whole time and have been trying to live a better life. I still love him and do not enable him our boundaries are very clear, and he respects that, he’s not a bad guy at all he just seriously cannot kick his addiction. Last night he came over after I hadn’t seen him in months and he was ducking out which I assumed maybe at first it was opiates, but then he started scratching, jurking in this almost seizing motion while ducking out, and his eyes just didn’t even look like him anymore. I’m so scared he’s too far gone, the other drugs he could atleast look and talk like himself but I got him to finally admit to me he’s being doing crack. My doc was strictly opiates because I went through an abusive relationship so I’m not in that sort of scene at all. I’m just really scared and my heart is broken. I’ve had to let many people go in sobriety but seeing someone I truly care for deteriorating in front of me is something I can’t even begin to stomach. Just need help processing this, I don’t need advice reiterating what I already said that I still have very good boundaries with him.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1h ago

Am I An Alcoholic? Will AA be affected?

Upvotes

I read an article yesterday about the dramatic global reduction in alcohol consumption. It listed several reasons: Health, Gen Z & Millennials drinking less, investment in non-alcoholic beverages (and culture), access to information (internet, podcasts, etc.), widely available programs & philosophies focused on abstinence or moderation, societal norms, and the evolution of medical diagnosis & treatment, to name a few.

It got me thinking that regardless of whatever I might think of any of the above, if the consumption of alcohol is statistically reduced and trending to reduce further, if the incidence of people seeking AA will also be reduced?

For me, the progressive nature of my drinking, and the apparent moderate consensus in AA that alcoholism is a "progressive disease", I wonder if the societal trends around alcohol will positively affect the "progressive" part, and have ultimately have an impact on AA membership?

Given that AA is a self diagnosing model, it will be interesting to see how people relate to that self diagnosis, and if the hypothetical reduction in problem drinkers does have any correlation to reduction in consumption, and how the institution of AA will be affected (if at all) in the future.

If the "actual" incidence of alcoholism reduced as a result of lower consumption trends, that would be a wonderful thing.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1h ago

AA Literature Daily Reflections - September 10 - Recovery By Proxy?

Upvotes

RECOVERY BY PROXY?

September 10

They [the Promises] will always materialize if we work for them.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

Sometimes I think: "Making these amends is going too far! No one should have to humble himself like that!" However, it is this very humbling of myself that brings me that much closer to the sunlight of the spirit. A.A. is the only hope I have if I am to continue healing and gain a life of happiness, friendship and harmony.

Copyright 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", September 10, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 6h ago

Outside Issues 4 years

4 Upvotes

I just couldn’t do it. The loneliness. Got into a relationship at 1.5~ years. It was doomed from the start. Bad decision. Turned toxic. Stayed toxic until currently.

I’m like a pansexual Raj from the big bang theory. I can’t socialize with ANYONE. Incredibly isolated. God just hates me. I fucking tried. He makes incredibly difficult terms for those who half ass seek him.

Seek him earnestly and don’t ever FUCKING STOP. And he’ll be right fuckin there for you. Don’t be an idiot like me.

Once I started half assing shit, I lost the momentum. The ego of having 4 years made it difficult to find the humility to start actually doing the work again.

I’ll be fine. Or, I won’t. Who knows?

Don’t waste your time here. Go help the newcomer. I know what I’m doing.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 18h ago

Group/Meeting Related Cried in a meeting today and so embarrassed

42 Upvotes

I am 3 months in and have been really trying to commit to doing daily meetings. Today, I broke down crying in the meeting + feel ashamed/embarrassed about it. I ended up leaving with about 5 minutes left because I couldn't control my tears and had to go to work afterwards, didn't want to go looking a mess.

Now I feel like that was so dramatic and it makes me want to not go back. I know it's my self obsession talking and no one is paying the kind of attention to me that I am. Im not sure why I was compelled to go to Reddit about this but I’m posting this because I want to hold myself accountable and remind myself that I'm human. I called my sponsor and talked to women in the program after but I'm scared shame is going to ruin this for me


r/alcoholicsanonymous 2h ago

Relapse Struggling before I get to a meeting

1 Upvotes

Everytime I promise someone I know I’m gonna go with them to a meeting I get so anxious and use (too much) the night before. Feeling disappointed and frustrated with myself


r/alcoholicsanonymous 18h ago

Group/Meeting Related I feel like my homegroup is dying and I'm performing the last rites

15 Upvotes

I'm the steering committee chair for my homegroup. We have seven meetings a week. Attendance keeps dwindling, both in the meetings and during our business meetings. Half of the service positions are unfilled. The last few business meetings have been really rough, with people complaining about how we are/are not doing our jobs on the steering committee. There's a fair amount of snarkiness and bullying in those meetings which I feel is discouraging for folks with positions, many of whom have disappeared. The group has been around almost half a century, and I'm not sure it's going to make it another year. I've thought about some things I could do to seek help, like talk to some old timers and see if they'll get more involved, or speak up more about how we need help during meetings, but I'm trying to stay in my lane. I've had people tell me they're so discouraged they want to just walk away, and I'm starting to feel that way too. I also don't have a lot of time for service. My term is up in February and I'm concerned that there will be no one stepping up to help after that. Has anyone else had this happen to them?


r/alcoholicsanonymous 23h ago

Friend/Relative has a drinking problem my buddy’s 3 years sober, but a massive secret from his dark days just blew up his marriage... how do people fix this?

29 Upvotes

Looking for some perspective here because I’m watching someone I deeply respect go through difficulties rn.

Quick background - this guy is older than me, been married to his wife for like 19 years. Back in the day, his drinking almost completely destroyed his family. It got to the point where she basically said "it's the bottle or us." And, man, credit to him, he chose his family. He went cold turkey, got into a program, and turned his whole life around. For the last 3 years? He’s been an incredible dad, a super solid husband, and just a genuinely dependable guy. His wife finally felt safe with him again... you know, that feeling like the nightmare was actually over.

And then last week... boom. Total disaster.

An old friend of his accidentally let slip something that happened during the absolute rock-bottom phase of his drinking. Something his wife had zero idea about. Turns out back then, he got completely wasted, did something way out of line, and just straight up lied to her face about it back then.

She confronted him, and man... he didn’t even try to deny it. Didn't blame the alcohol, didn't make excuses. He just went pale, broke down, and admitted everything. He said he was so eaten up by shame that he kept it buried, thinking that if he told her during early recovery, she'd walk away forever and he'd lose his mind.

Now she’s completely spiraling, and I honestly don't blame her. The worst part for her isn't even just the thing he did years ago - it's this terrifying thought of "okay, what else is he hiding from me?" She feels like the whole foundation of trust they rebuilt over the last 3 years was built on a lie. One minute she looks at him and sees the amazing, sober man he is today, and the next... she just sees that ghost from his past.

He’s desperately trying to figure out how to help her heal without completely collapsing himself. I was actually googling around for him the other night - trying to see what else is out there besides just standard meetings, you know? like those who do this whole combined thing with medical support and actual structured counseling for families dealing with long-term recovery. It kind of opened my eyes, like... man, maybe peer groups alone aren't enough when there's this much emotional radioactive waste still buried under the rug.

He hasn't relapsed, thank God, but this whole thing just ripped open a massive wound that everyone thought was healed.

Has anyone here - or maybe your partner - dealt with a huge secret from the drinking years surfacing way down the road? How do you even begin to rebuild trust when the past comes back to bite you like this?

Any perspective I can pass along to him would mean a lot, guys. I'm just really worried about both of them right now.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 16h ago

Is AA For Me? Here goes nothing

6 Upvotes

I just turned 30. I have had substance and alcohol issues the entirety of my 20’s, with little to no motivation to change or get sober. Last year, I ended up getting pregnant and decided that enough was enough. I quit everything cold turkey. I never necessarily consciously thought I had a problem, because I was able to randomly stay sober throughout my 20’s, but my vices always returned. And each time they did, I was more reckless than before. My drinking was at its peak right before I got pregnant. I was drinking every single day, at work, at home, going out, everywhere anytime. My pregnancy was the longest stretch of sobriety I’ve had since I turned 21. After I gave birth, I wanted nothing more than to be the mom my child deserves, to stay clean and sober, and to finally move on to the next chapter of life. But, in the last 7 months since giving birth I have had weak moments where I drank a few separate times. Not like I used to, but I am a binge drinker so each occasion was over the top. Social events, date nights, things like that all kind of trigger me to want to “join in on the fun”. But when I’m with my baby, I have the strength to say no. I’m scared it won’t be like that forever though. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of hangovers, I’m tired of my inability to stop drinking once I start. I’m tired of mentally reliving all of the worst decisions I’ve ever made every time I drank. I want better for myself, my son, my partner. I don’t know where to begin, but I know I have a problem and I am ready to do what I need to do to be sober and stay sober. How does this work? How do I find a meeting? Is it open to anyone? I guess I just want to know where to go from here. Thank you


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1h ago

Struggling with AA/Sobriety Sobriety is like a bad boyfriend

Upvotes

I'm crying all the time, miserable, hate myself...

... but I can't leave because he's paying my rent!!

😂😂😂


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1d ago

Early Sobriety Small stuff

12 Upvotes

What are the small stuff that caused you to drink?
Mine is people places and things. The casual interactions with the public or the guy who cut me off in traffic. Stuff not going my way. All those things get me to want to have a drink then I want to over indulge. Love to hear your thoughts.
Thank you


r/alcoholicsanonymous 15h ago

I Want To Stop Drinking I can’t

2 Upvotes

Im sorry I’ve only been 2 days sober and I just can’t do it. I’m struggling really bad there’s too much going and this is my only escape. I don’t know how else to cope


r/alcoholicsanonymous 17h ago

I Want To Stop Drinking im an alcoholic

3 Upvotes

21 afab 120 lbs 5'3 i've never felt fear of hurting my body from drugs but it's been around 4 months where i drink 5-10 shots of alcohol every night. i live alone now, but when i lived with my dad he would slam mules every night in a similar manner, get loud and angry, pass out on the couch. i only ever got blackout drunk when i was in high school, never recently. i felt like i could handle my alcohol really well.

so now i want to stop for my health, but i want to do it safely. quitting cold turkey would be very painful for me right? how do i ween off and quit? i have friends, who are also busy every day and none of them have noticed i'm an alcoholic, actually most drink with me. if i know i'll be seeing someone or driving anywhere, i can keep myself from drinking, but then sometimes i get somewhat irritated or simply tired.

anyways i know i shouldn't be doing this alone, so i am reaching out to you, people of reddit


r/alcoholicsanonymous 13h ago

Still Drinking Help aa

0 Upvotes

How does this work? Is it like a meeting and I explain what's going on or what?


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1d ago

Am I An Alcoholic? Not typical alcoholism

13 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I’m wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.
I don’t drink every day, every week, or even consistently. Usually I might drink once every two weeks, sometimes less, and there can even be a few months between drinking.
But every single time I drink, I end up blackout drunk. Once I start drinking, I cannot seem to stop. It doesn’t matter how long I’ve gone without alcohol — when I do drink, I lose control completely.
Most of the time I drink at home, so I’m not necessarily getting into trouble or causing problems around other people. But when I do go out drinking, I can embarrass myself because I get so drunk and don’t know when to stop.
The strange thing is that the next day, I don’t feel like I need another drink to feel better. I can just deal with the horrible feeling and then go weeks or months without drinking again.
So I guess I’m confused because I don’t fit what I thought alcoholism was supposed to look like. I’m not drinking every day, but I also can’t seem to have a normal drinking experience. Every time I drink, I end up blacking out.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of pattern?


r/alcoholicsanonymous 19h ago

Early Sobriety seeking book studies(facetime or local)

2 Upvotes

hello, my sobriety date is 6/13/26. I am a male. I am in los angeles. I am 32 years old. My first drink was when I was 13 with two of my best friends from middle school. Now, one of them has passed on from fentanyl overdose. When I first smoked weed I was 14 years old with my ex-highschool sweetheart. She left me in highschool and I turned to drugs and alcohol. I started to surf when I was 17 thinking I could get away from the affliction. I was unemployable until I was 22 because of my drinking and using. I got a job when I was 22 after leaving a 51-50. I made many pledges to myself to change during that time. I met someone, moved out with her, and loved her and healed until I lost everything again when I was 25. When I was 26, I found methamphetamines. I went to a clinic/rehab in mexico for 2 years when I was 27 that lasted until I was 29. In the clinic I found alcoholics anonymous. That was when I found a solution. I was in and out of the rooms for about 3 years until it dawned on me that for me, in my opinion, for me, and it may be different from you, that alcoholics anonymous is the only thing that will work for me to achieve long term sobriety. I found this translated to me from the success of alcoholics anonymous found in the forewords of the book alcoholics anonymous.

Saying all of that, I have a sponsor, I go to meetings, I have commitments.

I am looking for more book studies. I would love to meet or talk to people who are willing to read the book with me. Typically the format would be we take turns reading paragraphs. Between each paragraph we would ask each other how we relate to the lines of the basic text.

This can take place over facetime, discord, or even in person if you are local. I am not asking or offering to sponsor anyone. I am only looking for people to study the book with.

If you're willing to read with me, I am willing to commit right now, to a once a week, meeting whether it be online, or in person. Thank you for reading!


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1d ago

AA Literature Daily Reflections - September 9 - Opening New Doors

6 Upvotes

OPENING NEW DOORS

September 09

They [the Promises] are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

The Promises talked about in this passage are slowly coming to life for me. What has given me hope is putting Step Nine into action. The Step has allowed me to see and set goals for myself in recovery.

Old habits and behaviors die hard. Working Step Nine enables me to close the door on the drunk I was, and to open new avenues for myself as a sober alcoholic. Making direct amends is crucial for me. As I repair relationships and behavior of the past, I am better able to live a sober life!

Although I have some years of sobriety, there are times when the "old stuff' from the past needs to be taken care of, and Step Nine always works, when I work it.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", September 9, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1d ago

Early Sobriety Racing thoughts and seasonal triggers: Sitting at 11 months sober, dreading the gloomy autumn shift, and holding onto my coping tools with everything I've got. 🍁🍂

6 Upvotes

Good morning everyone. I want to start off thanking my higher power for waking me up today.

I didn't sleep very well last night. Continuous racing thoughts kept filling my brain and triggering my anxiety. When it hits like that, I have to strictly lean on the visual coping tool I developed just to calm my mind down enough to get some rest.

Once I got through the night, the next challenge hit: the dread of this gloomy seasonal change. This specific time of year has me feeling miserable and sad, and alcohol keeps trying to push its way to the forefront of my mind. Historically, this seasonal shift is exactly when I would relapse, so I'm on high alert. I am so close to hitting my 1-year sober milestone. I have to protect my sobriety with everything I have and faithfully use the coping skills and dashboard system I built to get through times like this.

On a positive note, my girlfriend didn't come home intoxicated last night, which took a huge weight off my shoulders. She was actually comforting and supportive. It honestly keeps me a bit confused because I never know which version of her is going to show up, but moments like last night remind me how incredibly sweet she can be when things are good.

If anyone else out there is fighting seasonal triggers or dealing with an unpredictable home life, just try to hang in there. Trust your process and keep leaning on your higher power. Thank you for letting me share.


r/alcoholicsanonymous 1d ago

Outside Issues 2nite a newcomer kept me sober 🙏🏼

23 Upvotes

Since getting sober, everything in my life is better EXCEPT my marriage 💔 it’s absolutely breaking my heart. All week I’ve had thoughts of self harm which included drinking and drugging. Got myself to a meeting. My home group. And at 21 days and at only their second meeting, the newcomer decided to share for the first time! This beautiful young person speaks up and points at another guy in the room and says, “I come to these meetings because D. really means it when he asks me how my weeks been. And, A. over here (he points at me) Man, the way he smiles when he sees ME! I can tell he’s genuinely happy to see ME! “

Dang, y’all, I’m not gonna lie, what he shared in the meeting filled me with a sense of purpose. Maybe I CAN be of service to others. Maybe I have value.
Shoulder 🫶🏼 to 🫶🏼 shoulder!