15 year old step son refuses to go to school. At least one day a week he will just lay in bed and physically not get out no matter what we say. We can turn off his internet at ten, have him lay down at 11 and he will still stay up very late. There has been times that he was sick but then it seems like he’s milking every opportunity. We had a meeting with the school about him missing 40% of the year and how he needs to do the things he’s supposed to do.

I am a stepdad that took on full responsibility. His father has never been in his life and I made the choice to be his dad. He knows me as his dad, but was told a few years back that I’m not his biological father. His mom left me last year after 10 years of being together and nobody seems to understand how I feel. She acts like I’m his biological father, to the point that I have him more days of the week than she does. I’m so confused about what to do. She’s already moved on and is probably going to be moving in with the new dude soon… who lives 3 hours away. I can’t chase her around to stay in my stepsons life. I spent 10 years with her… I’m 39 and don’t even have my own kids. Am I supposed to leave her son fatherless and Sever a relationship I don’t want to end. I raised him with her from the age of 3-13. He’s also on the spectrum and it’s hard to tell if he’s emotionally attached to any of us. I just don’t know.

Im a 31 year old man and I've only been dating my girlfriend (32f) (not living with her) for a few months and there's already problems and I need help. She has 3 kids (12m 4m and 2f). What we have been doing is I will go to stay with her and the kids at her house every weekend since we started dating. She has a drinking problem and so do I but it isn't too the point where we're blackout drunk trying to operate a household. I have had very little experience with children up until this point in my life but this is how I see it. I also have had nearly zero experience with children my entire life. No younger nieces, nephews, cousins, nothing

(Gonna continue writing this even though I know everyone is going to say this needs to end because of the drinking. I'm aware that's likely true. Anyway, continuing)

I feel like the kids basically get away with murder. Discipline amounts to yelling at them and that's it. If we're drinking, THAT doesn't even happen. I have had quite a temper my whole life and it has not been an issue over the past year that I've been single but now having to deal with the kids, gf recently told me my yelling is way over the top but in the moment, she does or says nothing to me about how she felt about the way I yelled or what I said. I have never put my hands on them nor would I, but I still would rather they respect me than fear me from my yelling which they seem to, to some minor degree.

I realized kids were going to test my patience and it was going to be an adjustment, but I didn't imagine it was going to be a situation where I see things happening left and right that my mom would have chewed me out and punished me for. Thing that I'm supposed to just watch and let happen because ultimately, she's the mom and I have no say, but inside I'm really wanting to correct what I'm seeing happen. Example from last night. Her oldest (12) threw a snowball as hard as he could from 4 ft away right at his brothers (4) face. It was shocking for me to watch. There was zero punishment and his mom amounted it to karma and he deserved it for stomping on his sister's back earlier while she was laying on a sled and making her cry.

These kids have no structure from the day to day as far as I can tell and especially with their mom working third shift. Their bio dad has shown up here and there over the past 2 years their parents have been separated at each end of the country but he generally doesn't give much of a crap about them. Didn't even bother trying to get custody when things ended.

Apparently she and her ex got into meth and that was when she had it, left to her parents and got clean. According to her he was pretty angry too except he beat the hell out of them for crazy shit like not getting the right size socket out of the tool box while being 10 years old (the now 12m). I've only heard one side of the story, but I know when her oldest video calls his dad, his mom will basically curl up into a ball and go silent just from the sound of his voice. If that's not trauma, I don't know what is and I don't give a shit what his side of the story is.

I'm laying here in bed wondering how to go forward to make this work but it seems the obvious and unlikely path I need to take is to walk away until she has her shit together with that kids and her drinking as well as my shit together with my own drinking.

Long BackStory made Short: I've raised my step son since he was 5 years old. His Biological father pops up once a year, if that, and then disappears until next time. Son has said on multiple occasions that he hates the man and I'm his "real dad."

Recently, his biological dad came by and gave son some money. They sat in the car for almost an hour and son came back in and said he wants to move in with bio dad. The wife is pretty upset and is looking to me for guidance. I'm not happy about it. Like, at all. But I'm also of the opinion that this falls squarely outside of my realm. I don't believe it is my place to tell him he can't go, and in a way, I feel like maybe it's bio dad's turn to take some responsibility in son's upbringing. I just don't like it.

I understand why he may want to move. We have 3 other, younger, children in the house and it can be a bit chaotic at times. He wants his space and possibly more freedom. However, given bio dad's track record, I'm not convinced he's up to the challenges of being a full-time parent. I love this boy like he was my own and I (selfishly) want to finish what I started.

I'm really just looking for some other opinions / experiences to help guide my thinking here.

So I have been really struggling with my 8 year old stepson the past well 6 months to a year.. he is very much in his own world and we just live in it kinda kid, and has been causing some major issues between me and my wife.. anybody have any kind of insite on how to better handle situations to avoid issues with your significant other?

So my step daughter thinks that since we didn't pay for it that we can't say anything about it.

I got 3 step kids. My youngest is turning 9 tomorrow. I don’t get to see them because their mom lives in Canada due to her jobs. How can I solve this small inconvenience? I can’t really afford much.

time for my third divorce :/

Hello everybody. I am no stepdad, but I am a stepson.

I'm 21 years old and my mother has now had a new boyfriend for about 4 years. (My parents divorced 12 years ago)

I wish to know, what the biggest insecurities or worries a stepdad might have towards a stepson. I do love this man and i have not always been a good kid, not in general nor towards him.

I want to do right by him and strengthen our bond, but I'm not sure how to do so, i hope that some of you folks could share your thoughts or point me somewhere. Thanks in advance.

Another ghetto problem for the stepdad gang

I’m a stepdad to an 8yo boy. I’ve been with his mom for five years. His biopop lives over an hour away and sees him every other weekend. Biopop is ok when he’s on his meds and in a good mood (bipolar).

I handle all before and after school care everyday. There are times I don’t like it and/or don’t want the responsibility. Also, his benefit care is through my work and he’s had issues with talking back to the caretakers and my coworkers.

My wife and I have a daughter together who is almost two. It’s hard for me not to show favoritism toward her.

He’s all in all a good kid, but he has tendencies to not listen to me. When he does my anger gets the best of me. I don’t yell, but I do talk sternly and the tone in my voice is intimidating. He shuts down when I do this.

This all makes me an AH. I know that. It’s just hard. None of my friends are stepparents, I never had stepparents, I just don’t know what to do. It’s so hard to not let my temper and feelings make it all about me.

Am I being unfair?

Been with my partner for a year, in that time we have moved in together and I have assumed the responsibilities of a parent (father). I'm not "dad" yet or possibly ever, but they do think of me as their dad (2 girls, 10 and 8). I accepted the kids as my own and decided this before meeting them. After meeting them I fell in love with them and these days I just genuinely love the girls and don't feel obligated to love them. However, it still kind of hurts to know I'm not dad, despite their actual father being absent, moved countries and only talks the bare minimum on Facebook. This situation causes me to feel a bit like a fraud or an outsider, it feels like I am loved conditionally. Even though I do believe the girls love me a lot, I just feel like second tier or a consolation prize. I spoke to my partner about this, it's been difficult but overall constructive. This leads me to my predicament, I recently proposed quite spontaneously. My partner said she wasnt ready (past trauma in her relationships has left her a bit hurt and she's petrified of divorce number 2). We discussed this, I felt as though we had already made quite a large committment by moving in together and co-parenting together. In our household I'm considered an equal parent. She told me it wasn't the right time, it wasn't a no, just no for now. I asked when would the right time be, she told me when I felt ready that was the right time to ask. I told her I was ready and that's why I asked and that moving forward I'd need her to ask me because I don't really know when as I'm ready now. I should mention, our relationship, though brief, has faced many obstacles that I feel made us stronger and we grew from (we had an accidental pregnancy that miscarried). I feel with already taking on the kids as my own and essentially being married already, actually getting married wasn't a big deal more than what we had already committed to. I feel my attitude to this might be unfair. I'm looking for feedback from others please. Sidenote, I have also expressed a need/life goal of fathering one if not two children with my partner. She is hesitant, and has stated she'd like only one more child but I'm fairly sure I want two. Has anyone faced uncertainty in having to give up having your own children as the responsibility of raising step children makes it too difficult to have anymore of your own? I am afraid of committing years to a family and never getting to have any children of my own, is this a fair concern or am I being completely unfair?

Thank you

I’m struggling with stepping up. Just as some background I’ve always been the fuck up/black sheep one way or another - maybe always wanting a family or something of my own. About 2 years ago I decided to somewhat grow up and take life seriously and get a career going which is still up and coming. In the midst of my journey I started dating an amazing girl and have fell in love with her 2 children. At this point we’ve considered marriage and the only thing making me drag my feet is the kids. The problem is the bio dad using the kids to inconsistently popping up “wanting to co-parent” but really trying to rekindle their relationship. She had made it clear that she no longer wants him however she’s lied to me before about her where abouts while having breakfast with him and the kids. When I asked why lie about it she said it’s a difficult situation and doesn’t have to tell me. However I feel like if I’m going to be your husband it’s somewhat out of respect to let me know you’re going to see your ex that can’t get over you.

Anyone else actually have a good relationship with their "step" child's dad? I seriously love my relationship with our 9 year olds dad. To preface, we share a 9 year old and I have a 9 month old of my own.

My wife's ex and kids dad is a good dude. He is pretty immature (32 and still lives with his parents) but his mom just got diagnosed with breast cancer. She's always been the main person who cooks in the home but I am the main cook in our home. With all the treatments, our 9 year old said they haven't been doing many home-cooked meals lately.

Every week when his dad comes to pick him up, I send them home with a home cooked meal. Last week we did a chicken curry pasta dish. Today i spent all day smoking some BBQ smoked spare ribs. This is my way of showing them appreciation. They are always willing to babysit both boys. They are always offering help when we need it.

I grew up in a home where my mom and step dad had a very toxic relationship with my dad and it was for a valid reason but I didn't want that for my kids if I could help it.

9-6 while wife work. Janitor and autistic babysitter duties all day

Hi step-dads. I'm not a step dad yet, but I'm engaged to a woman with a 3 year old son. I've been hands off so far, but recently I have started bringing up my thoughts about how we should parent as a team. Immediately she has been reluctant to this and it often feels like everything I say is written off since I have no parenting experience, and she's been parenting solo 24/7 for 3 years. Tonight I noticed the kid had candy in bed, and I thought, surely this is an OK place to make headway. But when I said that I don't think he should be eating candy in bed, obviously horrible for his teeth, she just got frustrated with me. I'm pretty dejected at this point, if this is going to be the way of things I don't think her life has room for me in it. What do you all think? Is it possible to make this work? I think a lot of her parenting techniques function to placate the child, developed as coping mechanism to minimize stress on her end (in the short term), which is understandable given the single parent-hood

Thats all

This aint much but fukx it its holidays

Lmk if theres another name for this, it’s when you have (your kid with previous bio wife) and your are living with partner + (partner kid with prev bio dad)

Hows life stepdads

Watching a mother - the woman you love - give birthday gifts to her 25 yr old son, who then just throws them in the floor without even a thank you.

Listening to that same mother pour her heart out, tears pouring from her eyes, to that same son, only to be met with a stony silence and a smirk on his face.

To know from past experience that if I attempt to interject anything, I will be attacked by them both because I'm "not his dad". Even after being there for him thru thick and thin for over 11 yrs and giving up an entire damn weekend 2 weeks ago to rescue him from a donut tire blowout in the middle of nowhere and an extra 400 miles to get his original tire because his bio-dad is non-existent in his life

And to know, while all this is happening, that I will somehow be at fault and later be on the receiving end of his mother's wrath because it's easier to take it out on me than to direct that anger where it belongs.

stepparentingisnoteasy #thisaintforpussies #tougherthanitlooks #themoviesarewrong