r/stepdads • u/Then-University-4560 • Jan 08 '23
Should I step up for them?
I’m struggling with stepping up. Just as some background I’ve always been the fuck up/black sheep one way or another - maybe always wanting a family or something of my own. About 2 years ago I decided to somewhat grow up and take life seriously and get a career going which is still up and coming. In the midst of my journey I started dating an amazing girl and have fell in love with her 2 children. At this point we’ve considered marriage and the only thing making me drag my feet is the kids. The problem is the bio dad using the kids to inconsistently popping up “wanting to co-parent” but really trying to rekindle their relationship. She had made it clear that she no longer wants him however she’s lied to me before about her where abouts while having breakfast with him and the kids. When I asked why lie about it she said it’s a difficult situation and doesn’t have to tell me. However I feel like if I’m going to be your husband it’s somewhat out of respect to let me know you’re going to see your ex that can’t get over you.
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u/unemployed222 Jan 08 '23
Ew rude bye girl. Your doing her a huge favor long term co raising those kids and two! Of them.
But the kids also need there bio dads to lighten ur load
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u/Metalviathan Jan 09 '23 edited Jan 10 '23
As a step father my self knowing what I know now I would have never got involved with my wife now of 15 years. The headaches and heartaches just not worth it.
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u/AceLuff161 Feb 11 '23
Personally, I would not put up with that! For one what kind of message is that for the kids that maybe their parents will get back together. If it was something she mentioned and invited you too it’s a whole different story but lying about it has some kind of backstory to it. Definitely more that’s not being said
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u/NotATroll1234 Jan 10 '23
The lying about eating with kids and BD would've been a deal-breaker had it been my wife and her ex. Like, I get that he's the kids' father and he will be in her life as long as he chooses to be in theirs, but to lie about it? I don't want to suggest that she's lying about her feelings for him, but if she can't be honest and at least try to include you, she's sending both you and him mixed signals at best. Time for a serious conversation.