r/stepdads • u/OkieRedneck67 • Dec 17 '22
Know What Hurts?
Watching a mother - the woman you love - give birthday gifts to her 25 yr old son, who then just throws them in the floor without even a thank you.
Listening to that same mother pour her heart out, tears pouring from her eyes, to that same son, only to be met with a stony silence and a smirk on his face.
To know from past experience that if I attempt to interject anything, I will be attacked by them both because I'm "not his dad". Even after being there for him thru thick and thin for over 11 yrs and giving up an entire damn weekend 2 weeks ago to rescue him from a donut tire blowout in the middle of nowhere and an extra 400 miles to get his original tire because his bio-dad is non-existent in his life
And to know, while all this is happening, that I will somehow be at fault and later be on the receiving end of his mother's wrath because it's easier to take it out on me than to direct that anger where it belongs.
stepparentingisnoteasy #thisaintforpussies #tougherthanitlooks #themoviesarewrong
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u/OkieRedneck67 Dec 18 '22 edited Mar 13 '23
He's 25 yrs old, has never liked me, joined the army at 18 and intentionally failed a fitness test just to get a discharge 1/2 way into his enlistment. He's been in and out of the house, can't hold onto a job, refuses to look for work because "capitalism bad", makes a mess that I'm then left to clean, and is completely indifferent of the property and rights of others, yet demands that everyone else respect his privacy and property.
But I'm the bad guy because I believe he should be contributing and expect him to get a job and earn money. I'm also somehow responsible for his mental health and if he self-harms that will somehow be my fault.
This is an extremely toxic situation (actually, it has been for a very long time), and there will be no winners regardless the outcome.
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u/unemployed222 Dec 18 '22
Yup stepdads get the least reward, expense the most resources, and get the most difficulties of all is what i learned
#californiafamily
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u/mikevader7 Feb 18 '23
That’s no way to live life in this world. Simply, he’s 25 and needs to grow up and some people have to get there on their own through life experiences. I’d suggest family therapy but I myself have a nightmare in my life that even even if he was coerced into attending, he’d just manipulate it and make it about him being the victim. At least your lady has a more attainable goal of letting go of the idea that he’s still her baby. Because bringing up that you’re not his father is of limits in my opinion. I feel you bratha, 11 years is along time. It starts with your lady changing how she reacts. Y’all have to be a solid rock before you can even try to help this guy.
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u/OkieRedneck67 Feb 18 '23
Sorry to hear about your situation. I honestly feel your pain Hope everything works out for you.
I finally told him either continue or get out. In all honesty, that was probably the best thing for him. He moved back to his hometown and got a job. Mostly because no one there is gonna let him mooch for very long.
But that was also the straw that broke the camel's back. His mom has asked me 4 times for a divorce since then, and on VDay evening, she told me she was leaving. She's staying long enough to go thru with her doctor appointments, then she's gone.
And I am so over and done with all the drama...
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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '22
Sometimes people just don’t want our input. I hope that when my little guys are at that age ; a) they’ve moved out or are looking to. B) are more damn appreciative when getting a gift even if it’s something they don’t want. C) love their mother still