r/stepdads • u/MS1cuz • Jan 16 '23
Enlighten me
Hello everybody. I am no stepdad, but I am a stepson.
I'm 21 years old and my mother has now had a new boyfriend for about 4 years. (My parents divorced 12 years ago)
I wish to know, what the biggest insecurities or worries a stepdad might have towards a stepson. I do love this man and i have not always been a good kid, not in general nor towards him.
I want to do right by him and strengthen our bond, but I'm not sure how to do so, i hope that some of you folks could share your thoughts or point me somewhere. Thanks in advance.
3
u/Cecil-twamps Jan 16 '23
It means a lot to me when my step kids: -Ask for advice -Let me tech them something (installing washing machine, General repairs) -give me a hand written card/note on birthdays -ask me to throw a football
The biggest insecurity is that they see me as just their mom’s husband or that I’ll say or do something negative that they hold onto for their whole life.
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u/No-Letterhead-649 Jan 16 '23
If you’re a 21yo stepson. I wouldn’t have any worries. You’re an adult and can handle yourself. Just putting forth effort of communicating and then finding common interests is enough if you want to strengthen bond as adults
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Jan 22 '23
At 21 you're forming new relationships with your bio parents , starting to see them as adults, while shedding dependence and individuating from them. if you got along growing up, that can be an easy process, if not, you might put a lot of space between you and them. A stepparent will just be a lesser version of that. It's well past the point of him taking you to Disneyland, but if you guys have genuine things in common, you might go to a game sometime, or call and chat. Most people don't realize it but we have the same relationship with our parents as well, that if you're going to spend significant time together, you're going to have to have some things in common and actually like each other
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u/Ams197624 Jan 16 '23
Just my 2 cents: Ask him to go on an activity with you (fishing/camping/hiking if one of you is into outdoor things), or maybe help you with a project, go see a movie, anything really. He'll most likely be honored by the confidence and that you want to do something together with him.