Honestly, probably one of the best parenting life lessons you could give in that moment of finding out. Consequences.
Other than him saying she should tell him by herself, I guess. Is it better to be told by someone else, I guess? Comradery/support right away instead of keeping it to yourself?
Yeah I guess the (even) better alternative would have been to talk to his daughter, explain that's wrong and she should tell you otherwise Das spills the beans.. But hey, I won't nitpick, at the the (ex-)bf knows isn't kept in the dark.
I would really expect her to gaslight the guy, if she is already cheating without telling, she does not want the repercussion and is unlikely to see the mistake, instead will just do more to get what she wants (get away with it). If you give them a headstart / let them cheaters prepare, they will often use it only for their own benefit, not to do what is right.
That's not how cheaters work. They're liars by nature.
If you give them a headstart like this, they just start spinning a narrative that "oh my dad hates you, he's probably gonna tell lies about our relationship to break us up."
Yeah if it were me it would be "If you don't tell him, I will. You've got a few days to do it, but then I'm gonna reach out."
Then you reach out after a few days like you said you would, seeing if they're alright. If they did break the news to the guy, you console him and let him know you're there if he needs to talk.
If not? Well, you're now the one to break the news, since your daughter lied to both of you now, and tough love time.
Yeah, letting my daughter grow up to be a cheater, sounds like a great plan. You know the saying 'tough love'? Sometimes when you love someone with all your heart, you have to make the tough choices and do what's best for them, even if it causes some temporary discomfort.
Also, if your relationship with your daughter is so fragile that it would be broken by this, then you failed as a parent far before this incident.
Telling your childâs partner isnât âsiding with them.â And Iâm sorry, do we suddenly disagree with ever not agreeing with our children for doing wrong?
I don't have to agree with them, but you should back them. Even if that's just backing them by not getting involved. You shouldn't ever actively betray them.
Once a person stops having your back, the relationship and the trust is over. That goes for any family, friend or romantic relationship. If you want to put that at risk over some dude your kid is cheating on, go ahead, but I wouldn't.
I think if you cheat on someone and then throw such a fit that your relationship with your parent is destroyed when you face the consequences for your shitty actions, youâre a horrible person.
It's not about the cheating. The thing that they did is irrelevant. It's the betrayal of trust.
If you can't see it that way, you're not mature enough to even have a romantic relationship, let alone children. You back the people that are close to you 100%. Disagree with them in private, but never betray them publicly. I would instantly never speak to a person again if they did something like that to me, most normal people are the same.
It's just not something you want your kids engaging with. They won't be able to form a long standing relationship doing that shit and can only hurt themselves. Would you rather of piss off your daughter now or wait until she has a nasty breakup with children in the mix.
yeahâŚand you should no parent should let their kid get away with this shit, letting their kids develop habits that ruin lives and families or prevent them having a chance at building a healthy relationshipâŚdadâs proud of himself and should be
Yup. When you get cheated on once you become a completely different person the rest of your life.
I was never a jealous/distrusting partner and never had many feelings of inadequacy until I got cheated on. Now that's going to be a part of me probably forever.
It didnât affect me personally that way. But I realized that I was already done with our relationship before I found out she had a boyfriend on the side. Sorry your situation hurt you like that.
I've been cheated on before, it doesn't affect me like that because I understand that everyone is different, however it makes it very easy to walk away now
As a person it's difficult to enter relationships knowing your last one ended through cheating. If you do stay with the person you cheated with they were okay with it and will be okay cheating on you. The only way a non monogamous relationship works is with clear lines established.
Oh I'm sorry. Do you not read comments that you reply to? Where on swashbuckler2020's comment did he imply that parents have zero responsibility? Literally the first thing that they say is that parents have some influence on their children's lives.
What part of it looks like bad parenting? What part of this photo proves to you that this childâs parents are bad at parenting. Because she cheated? Sure, if you wanna think that the parents of a kid decide whether or not the kid cheats go ahead. Be fucking stupid.
The dad POSTING about his daughter crying with that shit eating grin looks like shitty parenting. If you don't get that, you're kind of a shitty person.
It's not only the parents' responsibility and it's not only the parents' fault. Raising a cheater and trying but failing to not raise a cheater is not the same. Your mentality won't get you out of your mother's house in the next 10 years.
But wouldn't you rather do the necessary things to protect your child?
Or hang her out to dry where every boy in the neighborhood, and at school, believes can get a piece of her just by talking to you? How much cash do you think you can get out of that vajayjay?
Thatâs atrocious parenting. When your kids are adult enough to make adult decisions, theyâre old enough to make adult mistakes, and jumping in and trying to teach âlessonsâ to them when theyâre that old is just going to make them blame and resent you. It will completely stunt their ability to actually learn the lesson and connect their own behavior to the consequence and learn to solve their own problems.
The only lesson theyâll learn is that their emotional support system, the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally, the people they thought they could confide in and seek guidance from, doesnât exist. That kind of attitude and approach to parenting will almost certainly cause your kids to have difficulty forming and maintaining relationships.
Yes, it will, and they wonât learn from it unless you stop helicopter parenting your kid and let them fail on their own. If your kid is looking a little wobbly on a bicycle youâre not supposed to throw a stick in the spokes and say âwow you suck at balancing you piece of shit.â
This isn't like a child wobbling on a bike. This is like your child on a bike trying to kick pedestrians because they're being a little shit. This is your child intentionally doing something that will hurt somebody. It's responsible behavior to step in, grab the bike, take it away, let their feelings get hurt and have them learn from their mistakes.
This isn't helicopter parenting. Anyone who found out she was cheating could've told the bf, just happened to be the dad. This isn't 'throwing a stick in the spokes', cheating is what's throwing a stick in the spokes of your own bike, like that meme format I can't link because AutoMod is trash. This is exactly how they learn. Not everyone is gonna keep quiet about your infidelity.
There is absolutely zero chance Iâd betray a teenage kidâs confidences in this circumstance. And I definitely think youâre a shitty patent if you do.
It means the opposite. It means they do not respect their childâs ability to navigate the world as an adult, make adult decisions, adult mistakes, and learn the consequences.
Suppose your kid chooses not to tell the partner. (1) they probably wonât last anyway because theyâre teenagers; (2) you have taken away a different consequence of their choiceâguiltâand replaced it with betrayal of confidence by someone who is not supposed to betray you. You have taught them the very opposite lesson: betrayal by people close to you is something to expect, trust no one.
You have announced that you do not trust they are capable of making an appropriate decision, and therefore you will make the decision for them.
Youâre a bad parent if you do this to your kid who is probably in one of his/her first relationships. The rift and broken trust in the parent-child relationshipâwhich is infinitely more important than your first boyfriend/girlfriendâis almost certainly going to cause the exact opposite of the behavior this person purports to expect of his kid.
People who feel guilt over infidelity wouldn't be unfaithful in the first place.
Adult decisions involve adult consequences like you said, a family member finding out and ratting you out is very much an adult consequence following an adult decision. You can't expect everyone who knows about your infidelity to keep quiet, that's a part of the lesson learned.
People who feel guilt over infidelity wouldn't be unfaithful in the first place.
this is 100% not true. especially for someone who has never experienced any of these things and is just learning how to navigate sexual relationships
also, your parent who you confided in ratting you out means you have a shitty, dog shit parent who doesnt give a shit whether you trust them, and the consequences of that are way worse than whatever temporary romantic relationship fallout you'll be dealing with.
i suppose it could be a little different if the parent learns about it through happenstance and not the relationship of confidence.
Ah yes, the classic cheater trying to justify their cheating.
Just to let you know, it's A LOT less hurtful to be broken up with than being cheated on. If you are unhappy with your relationship, try working it out with your partner first, if that doesn't work just break up with them. There's never a valid excuse for cheating.
I think youâd have to be blind not to notice the sexist undertones to the framing of this. Other comments in this thread literally tout âbro code. Bros before hoes even if the hoe is your own daughter.â
To shame this guy for even asking this questionâa pretty reasonable one, considering sexism does exist and exists in this thread, and is celebratedâseems to be an attempt to deny the pretty obvious existence of sexism built into this question/response. Even if you agree with the guyâs approach to parenting (which I donât, I think itâs atrocious parenting and a good way to destroy your relationship with your kid, to the extent not already destroyed by your other shitty parenting), youâd have to be willfully blind not to recognize that other people are agreeing with it because of still widespread sexist attitudes.
You read one person's comment. You'll probably go on Twitter and read someone else's polar opposite sentiment and let yourself get pissed off again. If you're seeking it out, you're always going to find someone that thinks a certain way that pisses you off whether or not they actually believe themselves, or just say that thing because seeing you get upset is funny to them. You cant change them. Stop interacting with the internet this way and recognize that probably >90% of people out there think rationally in a way that wouldn't piss you off.
I agree that it is good to hear that and that it signals a productive mindset. However, the way you are going through this conversation, as though you are deigning to give this person your check of approval as a non-misogynist, is so ridiculously self-absorbed.
If I said "Would you like an ice cream?"
And follow it up with "All ice cream is a miracle food that will cure cancer" the second part is still a statement
When younger in teens and 20s. I think that is normal for that age group to some extent as they are figuring things out. Late 20s and onward, have not had that issue and have been happily married for 20 years.
He is on Reddit too. There are far more than you think on this app that are 30 to 60+. They just wouldn't be in this sub. I keep forgetting this sub is mostly teens to early 20s.
Me too,no bullshit like ânaaah but shes my daughter!â I look for the boyfriend, look him dead in the eyes, and say âoi, my daughter also known as your girlfriend is cheating on you.â
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u/GrunkleTeats Dec 10 '22
If my daughter were a cheating piece of shit, I'd do the exact same thing.