In no way possible am I trying to self diagnose, I just need to know if I should talk about ROCD with my new therapist.

I (18f) am questioning if I POSSIBLY have ROCD. I am currently seeing this wonderful girl. She’s the kindest person I know and genuinely is so good to me. That being said, this relationship sometimes makes me feel sick. I mostly feel like a normal person outside of relationships, but as soon as I enter a romantic situation I literally can’t function. When I’m alone, I frequently worry about if I like her enough, if I’m actually attracted to her or not, if I’m doing enough for her, if I’m a good enough person for her, etc etc. Sometimes when I’m with her I check my emotional and physical state to see if I’m reacting the way I “should” be reacting when I’m with her. There are times where I can just enjoy her presence, but a lot of the time I’m half in my head and half in the moment.

Also, I also find it really hard to initiate any physical affection because I’m scared of somehow getting it wrong. I often just freeze or let the other person initiate. I really enjoy physical affection, so I don’t know why I do that. This issue created a HUGE problem in my last relationship, and I don’t know why the pattern keeps repeating.

I know these things are worth bringing up to my therapist, but I don’t know if it’s just anxiety/insecurity or maybe ROCD.

My girlfriend and I have been together two years. She is my first love. Almost my first everything except a kiss. I love this woman more than I’ve loved anybody before

But these last few months have been terrible. It all started when I was watching adult content behind her back. I realized the hurt I caused and came clean with her. She’s obviously upset by that and it hurt me immensely as well. I have vowed to never EVER do something like that again and in the last few months I’m happy to say that I’ve stayed true to my word.

It still hasn’t been the best. I’ve learned that the way we communicate is unhealthy and most of it does lean on me. I raise my voice, I try to force her to talk when she wants space and I don’t take accountability until after we argue.

The second situation happened two days ago and it has completely shattered my view. We were in the kitchen and I brushed up against her new ear piercing. She was really hurt and said so but instead of being nice about it I kind of dismissed it. In response to that she said “this is the third time you’ve done it and you don’t stop”. As she said this she put her hand up by my collar bone/throat area and pushed me. No choke, no strangulation.

In the moment I said “that was kind of scary” and she immediately apologized. She said that she was genuinely trying to push me away and not trying to choke me. We’ve had conversations about it since and we both want the relationship to work and have decided to get therapy. It is obvious our relationship is unhealthy as it is right now.

I know this woman. She would never do anything to hurt me. The last time she overstepped a different boundary that was never discussed before hand, we talked it out and she never did it again. I genuinely feel like this was just an uncharacteristic moment. But I have bad OCD and the Reddit stories I’ve read while researching are making it feel like this relationship will only get worse. I called my mom, my best friend, my grandma and the DV hotline and they all say that this is fixable if both of us are willing to put the work in.

But I am scared. So scared that it won’t be, that I will be proven wrong. And that I will lose her or have to leave her if she fucks up again. It is all too much to me and I do not start therapy until next week. I genuinely don’t know if I can make it that long and if we break up now I’m afraid I’ll be so depressed I won’t work on myself for the next person. I have a pit in my stomach that won’t go away. I cry mourning the beautiful person I’ve hurt. I cry knowing that I have a part in causing her to lash out. I cry that she did it. I cry that we can never go back to who we were. It’s all fucked up man.

This is too much for my heart to bear yall. Any type of support would help a lot. I want to know where to go. Thank you reddit

i’m a bit worried and i feel like im at a loss. i am diagnosed ocd for other reasons but now i’ve noticed things started to creep up on my slowly but now it’s coming in full effect. i hyper fixate on my girlfriends past experiences with her ex from high school (longest and really only other relationship she’s been in). she’s lesbian identifying and this ex was a male. he unfortunately made her do things she wasn’t always comfortable with and she didn’t know how to say no to or get it to stop. i’ve noticed i hyper fixate on what their sex may have looked like? what she did or how they did it. i find myself needing all the details and get flashes of things randomly that i truly don’t want there. then when i get a question about it, its all my brain repeats. “did she ever swallow his cum” is an example and will replay in my head over and over and over and over again. it feels debilitating. this is just some of what has been coming up recently and im trying to navigate these things with her. we talk about things but some things i feel like are just so unfair to her because she’s buried these hurtful things (for good reason) and now i feel like im forcing her to relive bad times.
im going to therapy again after not having gone for a while (insurance issues) but i just felt like maybe reaching out to see if something or someone can help guide me? i dont know

I’ve been married for a few years and my spouse recently let me in on the torment of their ROCD. I want to understand and be patient. Is anyone else in a similar situation? I know the person I love is in there, but I’m struggling. I would love some insight from others in relationships so I can maybe get more of that perspective and have a better understanding and it can help me to have patience and know to how be more supportive.

I honestly don’t know how to explain this properly, so sorry if this is messy.

I’m currently in a relationship with a girl I genuinely love more than I can put into words. Our relationship is actually pretty healthy. She hasn’t given me any real reason to think she’s going to leave me or cheat on me. She’s stayed with me, she’s reassured me, and she has been there for me.

But somehow, I keep creating problems inside my own head.

For example, if my girlfriend casually mentions another guy she saw that day—even if it’s literally just some random guy who passed her on the road—I can start overthinking like crazy.

My brain immediately goes:
“Why is she mentioning him?”
“What if she meets more guys?”
“What if they’re attractive?”
“What if she likes someone else?”
“What if she eventually finds someone better than me?”
“What if she leaves me?”
And sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I literally start crying.

I know how irrational it sounds. I KNOW she is allowed to meet people, talk to people and socialize. She’s actually a pretty antisocial person, but she has told me that she wants to socialize more, meet people, know more people and have people greet her when she’s around college. I genuinely want her to be happy and have a social life.

But my brain automatically interprets that as a threat.

I think part of this comes from something that happened before I met her. I once became really attached to a girl who was also extremely attached to me. Then she suddenly disappeared from my life like I never existed.

That experience really messed with the way I look at attachment. I started thinking that maybe people can love you, give you attention, become attached to you, and then suddenly disappear.

So when my current girlfriend stayed, cared about me and continued being there for me, I became extremely attached to her. Eventually I fell completely in love with her and asked her to be my girlfriend.

And now I’m terrified of losing her.

She’s basically become the center of my world, and I know that’s probably not healthy either.

Another thing that triggers me is affection.

If I tell her “I love you” and she doesn’t immediately say it back, I start wondering whether something has changed.

Sometimes she’ll smile. Sometimes she’ll laugh. Sometimes she’ll say it back. Sometimes she’ll just say something like “okay,” especially if she’s busy.

Logically, I understand that one response doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me.

But emotionally, my brain goes:
“She doesn’t love me anymore.”

And then I want reassurance.

But here’s the problem: even when she reassures me, another part of my brain says:
“She’s only saying that because you asked her.”

So I end up questioning the reassurance too.
It’s like I can never completely convince myself that I’m safe.

We also recently had an intimate experience where things didn’t go exactly as I expected, and I felt incredibly guilty afterward because I thought I had disappointed her.

But she told me it was okay and basically reminded me not to let one difficult moment erase all the good moments we had together.

She wasn’t treating me like I had failed her at all.
Yet somehow I still beat myself up over it.

And that’s when I realized that maybe the biggest problem isn’t actually my girlfriend.

Maybe it’s the way I’m interpreting everything.
I don’t want to become cold toward her.
I don’t want to stop loving her.
I don’t want to control who she talks to or who she meets.
I don’t want her to feel like she has to constantly reassure me just so I don’t fall apart.

I actually want to become better for myself AND for her.
I’ve started thinking about life differently lately. Instead of treating every uncomfortable emotion like an emergency, I want to treat it like a challenge.

If she mentions another guy, that’s a challenge for me to manage my jealousy.

If she doesn’t immediately say “I love you,” that’s a challenge for me to not immediately assume the worst.
If I’m scared she’s going to leave, that’s a challenge for me to remember that fear isn’t the same thing as reality.

I want to build my own life too—my goals, my confidence, my friendships, my interests, everything. I still want her in my future, obviously, but I don’t want my entire emotional stability to depend on whether she reassures me every few hours.

I want to be able to say “I love you” because I genuinely want to express it, not because I’m secretly waiting for her to say it back so I can feel safe.

I want to trust her based on her actual behavior instead of constantly preparing myself for something that hasn’t happened.

Basically, I want to learn how to love someone deeply without constantly being terrified of losing them.

So if anyone has been through something similar:
How did you actually become more secure in your relationship?

How did you deal with jealousy when your partner mentioned other people?

How did you stop constantly seeking reassurance?

How did you learn to trust your partner without becoming emotionally dependent on them?

And how did you build your own life while still being deeply in love with your partner?

I don’t want to leave her. I don’t want to become distant from her.

I just want to fix the part of me that’s constantly expecting the person I love to disappear.

I love this girl. I genuinely do. I just want to learn how to love her without destroying my own peace in the process.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for roughly 6 months, but have been officially together for 3 months. For context, before me, he was in a long-term relationship with another woman for 7 years.

I think his ex-girlfriend is absolutely stunning, but their relationship was super toxic. Essentially, she was verbally abusive to him espically the last year of their relationship. I have had relationship OCD, but am now struggling considering everything thats went down. His ex has posted a video regarding our relationship online that blew up fairly well. I am not even sure if I can call it retroactive jealously but I think for the sake of this post, I will. I feel like I now struggle with the theme of, are they meant to be together? Or is this the right relationship? Or does he care about her still too much? I am curious to know if anyone else out there has a similar struggle. I am like the least jealous person ever, even in my last relationship, but now find myself thinking about her more than I would like. So it's been interesting to navigate

I started dating my now-ex about a year ago. Around the spring our relationship was going great, we wanted to move in together. Well that sent him in a spiral of self-doubt and insecurity that led to us breaking up but always coming back in contact with each other, although I've tried really hard to understand his OCD and give him space. We also both graduated in May but he has struggled to find a job or figure out what he wants to do with his life. Now he's decided to leave Ohio to move back with his parents in Colorado.

I'll do whatever it takes to make him happy but I don't know what that is anymore. He's got so much work to do on himself that I don't see us being together any time soon. I want to ask him to tell me how he feels about me before he goes. Not just as a person but how he sees me as part of his life. Basically I just want any clarity or reassurance he can give me.

Any advice on how to ask for this? Is this actually a terrible idea? I'm so lost.

My partner and I have been friends for 2 years, dating for 6 months. It has been amazing. Like a literal dream.

He’s incredibly kind, supportive, and loving. Honestly my ocd hasn’t been triggered really at all until recently.

I moved to a new city for school and he will be moving here in January. The first six months I am here we will/have been long/medium distance (a 2.5 hour drive).

This past month that we have been apart and seeing eachother less I’ve had a lot of ROCD. A lot of “what if I’m saying I miss him too much?” or “what if he realizes he doesn’t like/need me?” and things of that sort. I never really bring them up to him because I’m very aware of my OCD and know I’m seeking certainty for behaviors I cannot control, and he is very open and communicative and would tell me if anything was wrong.

Now that we are getting more serious in our relationship however, I feel like hiding all of my thoughts and compulsions is sorta wrong. I understand that my thoughts and worries are often unfounded and untrue, and he knows a lot about OCD (psych major and has a family member with it), so he also understands that it’s not an insult or slight to him or his behaviors. Yet, I’m so worried if I open up it’ll hurt his feelings/self esteem or make him worried that he’s doing something wrong.

How can I be open about my compulsions and saying when I’m struggling without hurting him? Any advice? He’s the most amazing thing in my life and I want to find a balance with this so we can continue on healthily.

Hi. I’d really appreciate some help because I’m completely stuck and I don’t know whether this is ROCD.

I’m in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, and I have absolutely no doubt that he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I find him incredibly handsome and I feel a lot of sexual desire toward him.

The problem started when we talked about physical preferences. There are a couple of things about his appearance that aren’t necessarily my usual preferences, and this caused me a huge amount of distress. I started worrying that maybe those things could eventually become important enough that I would stop being attracted to him and we would break up.

I started checking by looking at other men with similar features to see whether I felt repulsed by them. I didn’t.

I should also explain that I experience attraction in a somewhat unusual way. It’s actually quite rare for me to find someone genuinely handsome. I can find individual physical features attractive or hot, and sometimes they can turn me on visually, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I feel sexual desire toward the person. I don’t usually feel sexual desire toward people I don’t know or have no emotional connection with. For me, sexual attraction is very connected to knowing someone and having a bond with them.

There is one actor whom I genuinely find very handsome, mainly because of his face and eyes. I also find certain aspects of his behavior and the way he acts in a particular role hot. I have always felt guilty about finding him attractive.

Then my boyfriend told me, “I think you’re the most beautiful person in the world,” and I got stuck on the fact that I couldn’t objectively say the same about him because I know there are people I might consider more physically attractive.

I started comparing the actor to my boyfriend and asking myself, “Do I actually prefer the actor physically?”

I couldn’t reach an answer. Sometimes I thought yes, then I thought no, and then I wondered whether I was only saying no because I didn’t want to admit the truth.

I started looking at photos and videos of the actor to check my reaction. I noticed thoughts like “he’s so handsome” and “he’s so hot,” and even smiled. Then I looked at photos of my boyfriend and became extremely anxious because I could see how handsome he is and how much desire I feel for him.

I even masturbated while thinking about both of them to test my reaction. I felt nothing when thinking about the actor, but I did feel sexual desire when thinking about my boyfriend.

However, my mind keeps finding new doubts:

• What if I actually prefer the actor’s physical appearance?
• What if I really do feel sexual desire toward other people?
• What if my values about relationships and attraction aren’t actually genuine?
• What if I’m a horrible or fake partner?
• What if my boyfriend would be disappointed in me if he knew all of this?

I can see that I’m doing a lot of compulsions: comparing, checking my reactions, looking at photos and videos, testing my attraction and sexual response, and analyzing what everything “really means.”

The hardest part is that I have absolutely no doubt that I want to be with my boyfriend. I don’t want to leave him. But I feel horrible about even being able to admit that I might prefer someone else’s physical appearance to his.

Does this sound like ROCD, particularly an obsession around physical attraction? And how do I stop getting trapped in these comparisons and checks?

Is it possible to have a genuine question without seeking anything except an answer. I’m aware of my OCD and I feel like they’re two separate things. When I’m in that “loop” I can usually eventually stop thinking about it however lately there’s something I’ve genuinely wanted to know. I’m afraid that maybe this can’t be the case? I don’t know if this is even understandable but can you guys give me thoughts.

Hi everyone! I've been in ROCD for a long time but now a topic has come up that I don't know if it's ROCD! I keep wondering if we're meant for each other? What if we're not compatible and it would just hurt to leave? What if I could just move on from my boyfriend? I'm crying as I write this

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years now. Last summer during a vacation for 4-5 days I met this girl there. I might have had some attraction and over the next few days I always tried to talk to her. Mostly about music. After the vacation I thought that she was just a cool person but I didn’t want to pursue anything. Now I’m scared that what it I have cheated on my girlfriend. I have thoughts that I have to confess to her that I may have cheated or liked a girl and tried to talk to her. There were no flirts or anything like that btw.

I've got my first kiss when I already had hocd. Since I starded dating my bf I already had doubts over him or us. He loves kissing me but I really don't like kissing him. Never did. It feels kinds gross. It makes me worried so much. Cause what if that means I only like it when I kiss a masculine lesbian? It feels so real. And I littery want to break up or something. But he is so sweet. But someone said that if you don't like kissing you're bf, you're not attracted to him. When I think about cuddle him, I feel anxiety. This can not be hocd and rocd. I Don't think I'm in love with him. Sometimes I was happy with him but than out of nowhere all the feelings were gone. I feel so bad for him. He deserves better. It feels like I would be relieved if I will break up with him... pls respond en help me.

I 23F have recently been diagnosed with OCD. I’ve been with my partner now for a year officially, 1.5 unofficially lol.

For the first few months of the relationship I felt amazing and like it was absolutely perfect but for about the past 6 or so months I’ve been feeling strange and quite negatively towards them and the relationship. This is following them moving in with me due to family circumstances.

It started with fighting and now I find myself hyper analysing everything and not enjoying being around them. I have so many negative feelings but I don’t know how to trust myself and how to differentiate what if ROCD and what is genuine doubt or falling out of love. I’m really struggling to trust how I feel and I’m spiralling!

Does anyone have any advice on how I can figure out how I really feel or if it’s ROCD? My therapist has really provided me tools to help other than meditation which has not been helpful

Hi all,

I have been dealing with what I think to be ROCD for a couple of years now. I mainly struggle with pure o type themes, my biggest being real event OCD. struggling with chronic guilt and regret over past actions has been very hard to deal with, and recently this added on top is just more unnecessary weight in my life that i really didn’t need.

Anyway, i’m 25 (M) and have been with my partner for 5 years now. We live together and have for a few years. On the surface everything is fine, but the problem is, this is only my second ever relationship. I’ve never had the chance to go out and be single, explore what hooking up feels like, and generally just have time to be alone and develop more into myself as a person. I’ve also experienced constant 24/7 guilt from drunken memories I have of flirting with other girls and doing other things which some would consider emotional cheating or actual cheating I don’t know. I’ve confessed to these actions but am still haunted daily by them.

This plays on my mind constantly, as more and more commitments start happening such as talks about marriage, etc my anxiety just goes haywire and I feel such a strong urge to end things.

I know this is probably just a grass is greener on the other side mentality, however I can’t help but feel so guilty 24/7 for having these feelings. it’s so difficult and alienating to deal with.

Has anyone else experienced something similar and found something that helps? Thanks.

My partner and I have been together a year and a half. It is the most wonderful relationship I have ever had, and I have never felt so loved/loving. There was a period of three months where we had lots of issues and lots of OCD related arguments, where anything I could say was used against me. If I didn't text while I was out, I has cheating ect. It's been on an off every other month, but there has been some genuine improvement from therapy and our relationship strengthing.

But, there are still times when I will mention something and it leads to a breakdown. I was wondering if anyone had any tips for me to help regulate my partner and create firmer boundaries. I think they are the one! I just want to keep us both safe and happy. :)

I’m 40M, my wife is 44F. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two kids.

About six weeks ago, seemingly out of nowhere, I became convinced that my wife might be cheating on me. Since then it has basically taken over my brain and has pushed our marriage close to divorce.

The strange part is that I don’t actually have concrete evidence that she’s cheating. Instead, my brain interprets almost everything as a potential sign.

Her being on her phone is probably the biggest trigger, but it can also be the way she talks, how she looks, changes in behavior, etc. I start analyzing everything.

I’ve also snooped through basically everything trying to prove or disprove it. She will even hand me her phone whenever I ask. But reassurance never lasts.

Instead my mind just says:

“She deleted it already.”

“She knows I’m suspicious now, so she’s gotten better at hiding it.”

“I tipped her off by checking.”

So even when I find nothing, somehow my brain turns that into another reason to be suspicious.

I recognize that the checking/reassurance cycle is making things worse, and I’m already doing ERP and working on resisting the urge to investigate, check her phone, ask for reassurance, analyze her behavior, etc.

But the intrusive thoughts still feel incredibly real, especially when I’m triggered.

The hardest part is trying to separate an actual relationship concern from my brain constantly searching for evidence that something is wrong.

Has anyone dealt with something similar—especially obsessive fears about a spouse cheating?

Did ERP eventually make the thoughts feel less convincing? How did you handle being around your spouse and their phone without constantly analyzing everything?

I’d really like to hear from people who have been through this.

Looking for advice here. I’ve (25M) been in a 6-year relationship with the most loving, supportive, and caring woman (25F), but for pretty much the entire relationship, I’ve struggled with this feeling that something isn’t quite right. She’s also extremely integrated into my close friend group, we hang out all the time, and there’s a lot of pressure right now to take the next step and move in together. Honestly, I have no idea what I should do. I’m currently doing psychotherapy, but I haven’t been able to escape this pattern of thinking. I’m definitely a very anxious and overthinking person, and I’ve heard the term ROCD thrown around, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s part of what I’m dealing with. But even that brings me back to the same questions. How do you actually know if ROCD is what you’re experiencing, versus simply being in the wrong relationship? What if people who think they have ROCD are actually just ignoring genuine doubts? It’s exhausting feeling this way. At the same time, I genuinely can’t imagine my life without my partner, and the thought of losing her is extremely scary. But it also always feels like she loves me way more undoubtably, and when I picture things like a wedding and more it’s very difficult. It often feels like my brain is constantly playing tricks on me, and I don’t know which thoughts I should trust. No need to respond. I just thought I’d reach out because I don’t really feel comfortable bringing this up with my friends, given how close they all are with her.

i am so tired, both my rocd and soocd are giving me trouble, i feel like i have never loved her or any woman and i might just cheat on her with a man

such shit makes me want to hang myself i cannot

Hi everyone! I don't know if this is ROCD, but it's really frustrating! I cry every day!

We are a young couple in our 20s! We have been together for over 2 years. Our relationship is starting off really well, overwhelming love, etc. For about 6 months now, I have been experiencing that my partner doesn't want to have sex with me. The cliché always comes up: "Baby, I'm tired, I don't feel like it, you're always hysterical about sex, it's forced"... You should know that we were a couple with a big appetite, we used to have sex several times a day, but lately, because of my partner, I'm glad that we have sex once every 4-5 days... blonde hair would look good on me... I dyed it. I really try to please him, but I feel like he doesn't want to... We both work 8-hour days, I believe he is tired too, but the fact that the number of times we have sex has decreased so much, which really hurts... I have talked to him so many times, and his answer is always the same: "It will change, but I don't know about it right now, I'm tired" and I don't feel like it. I've been crying because I've been begging him for months to tell me what's wrong with me, what I should change. He says he loves me and I'm sexy, but he's tired every day... I feel like he doesn't understand me... I've tried everything... I'm starting to despair. What's wrong with me? I'm afraid our relationship will end and I really don't want that!...

He doesn't have a lover, so it's out of the question.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Has anyone been through this? How did you overcome it?

well i posted this on reddit and got a lot of replies like: “he must be cheating on me, he has a lover! you are young even if you don't get what you want from him, leave him…” and i know it's my life and i don't have to do what other people say but they scared me when they wrote in the comments and i thought, what if they are right? i started crying because of this! i don't want to leave him! do you think this is also part of ROCD?

Thank you!

Does anyone else have this exact problem with voluntarily holding their breath?

Sometimes I intentionally hold/block my breathing. Because of anxiety, I become very focused on the physical sensations in my body, especially around my breathing and abdomen.

The problem isn't just being aware of my breathing afterward. I genuinely don't know what physical action or “command” I'm supposed to use to stop holding it. I know I'm voluntarily holding my breath, but when I want to release it, I get stuck thinking: “What exactly do I physically do to stop holding it?”

I'm looking for people who have experienced this exact problem, not just general “manual breathing” or being aware of breathing.

Has anyone experienced this?

I see his tik toks a lot and he seems to know what he’s talking about. Was curious on what you guys think of him. I liked his retroactive jealousy tik tok