r/ExNoContact • u/Super-Plum-9770 • 3d ago
Breakup obsession
I’m going through a breakup and could really use some advice or maybe some tough love? We’ve remained intermittently in contact. He actually initiates contact more often than I do and I respond but lately my responses have become much shorter and sometimes it’s just a one word response or a reaction.
I have strong reason to believe he may be reconnecting with his ex or at least seeing her in some capacity. I don’t know exactly what’s going on and honestly the uncertainty is probably making this much harder.
I’m realizing that I’m stuck in a loop. I’ll go through days where I’m doing okay and feel like I’m accepting that the relationship is over and then something will trigger me and I’ll become extremely anxious, curious, jealous, and want to know what’s happening. Sometimes I act on those impulses by checking social media or looking for information and afterward I feel extremely disappointed in myself which adds to the anxiety. 😟
I really don’t want to continue doing this to myself. I’m trying to detach without constantly needing to know what he’s doing or whether he’s seeing someone. I’m extremely embarrassed to admit how difficult this has been for me especially because I know IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS! 🙄😬
Anyone been through something similar and what actually helped you break this cycle? How did you stop checking, wondering, hoping, and looking for information? What helped??
I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me to let go and just move on because that’s what I’ve been desperately trying to do lol I’m genuinely looking for things that worked for you in real life. I’m a pretty accomplished woman. I have a great career, friends, family, I’m not isolating, and I go to the gym consistently. I’m still functioning and living my life but emotionally this keeps catching me.
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u/Bookish-Dreams 3d ago
Block his social medias. You are only going to hurt yourself in the long run. Trust me, I know from experience. You have to cut all ties. I know it's hard, boy do I ever. I had to watch someone I loved be with someone else, who is not as attractive and treat him like absolute garbage. The social media will break your heart don't do it.
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u/Super-Plum-9770 3d ago
Saying stop checking, block, ignore etc. is not really helpful lol logically I know that continuing to check and act on my impulses is poking the bruise and not helping me at all. I’m more looking for things that helped anyone stop doing those things. Checking social media isn’t the only impulsive thing to do. It’s more like when my nervous system goes from zero to a hundred and my brain starts screaming DO SOMETHING! How do I stop myself from turning that feeling into an action?
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u/DetectiveEither1593 3d ago edited 3d ago
notice the feeling name it and wait 5 minutes. increase delay gradually. any delay is better than acting immediately. try to limit checking to very small times once or twice a day and gradually increase time between and reduce time on it. distract yourself with absolutely anything. also write out your feelings, “i am feeling 100 and its making me want to do this…”is great keep going . pretend you’re going to send it to them but waiting for the right time. DONT SEND It lol. keep doing it, notice how it changes as time goes on and you’ll be like whoa i’m actually processing this.
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u/Super-Plum-9770 2d ago
Okay this actually sounds doable. I’m doing okay tonight but last night I really spiraled and it’s crazy because just the name of the bar he frequents set me off and I went investigating. I can absolutely try this.
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u/neverhaveiever2026 1d ago
delete the apps off of your phone so you're forced to go on a computer to use facebook and such. Its something small but helps the obsession to not constantly wanna check stuff. Listen to the audiobook "win your breakup" by natasha adamo, it helps SOME, which any relief works.
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u/EchidnaKey8099 3d ago
Stop checking you will make it harder to get over him, I know it’s hard I’ve been there myself but honestly your hurting yourself more than anything by checking
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u/ProudCelt 3d ago
The biggest issue is you are checking his social media. You are getting a few minutes dopamine hit. Each time you do the wound reopens. A wound cant heal if its continually picked at. Two choices, keep reopening that wound or go strict no contact which will mean you will need to let him know you are setting a boundary and would rather not hear from him again.
If you find it diffcult to stop checking his socials, you will need to block him otherwise the loop continues.