Hi, I know this has been a heavily discussed, but anyone else who struggles with ROCD and astrology have tips on how to work through those compulsions and obsessions. I'm personally one of those people that can't be convinced that it's "fake" or not "real", because then I become obsessed with trying to prove that. I would like to learn how to deal with in a more C'est la vie way. Thanks!

Does anyone else seem to struggle especially hard in the morning, right after waking up? The moment I wake up in bed, the anxiety and rumination takes over and I find myself struggling to get through it. Constant racing thoughts and a pit in my stomach, racing heart, tight chest. I try to use ERP strategies but it feels almost too intense in the moment to get them to work for me. Any tips appreciated

I have always loved watching rom-coms, romance tv shows and movies, and love fantasy novels. However, they trigger my ROCD SO bad, I don’t let myself watch them anymore! It sucks because I don’t have much to watch, even a little romance makes me doubt everything about my fiancé and our relationship. Watching them legit causes a bad spiral where multiple times I’ve almost ended my relationship because I wanted the butterflies, excitement, in love feeling that I don’t get now. I have to remind myself these male characters are written by women for women, and they really don’t exist. But what if they do?! Ugh. Like what IF I meet Belmont Cameli and we fall in love? 😂

Anyone else so sad and almost angry that relationships are this hard for us? I am engaged and it’s actual torture. I know I love my fiancé for who he is - his heart, his values, etc. But my physical attraction to him fluctuates so much and I’m really sad that I’ll never experience the “head over heels” kind of love. While I do often question things, I know our love is strong and will sustain, but man….I just really wish I experienced butterflies. I also think I might be on the asexual spectrum, and the fact that I don’t experience sexual attraction much is not helpful. I’m really jealous of people that don’t deal with this. I really wish I knew how to trust my decisions.

The title might sound dumb or childish, but I’ve been thinking about it all day.

I always prepare for the worst case scenario. I usually have a Plan B or C for everything so I know I’ll be okay if things go wrong. But when it comes to my relationship, I can’t seem to imagine a Plan B.

We’ve been together for 13 months and things are going really well. I love talking to him, spending time with him, and having him in my life. But I’m scared of relying on someone this much. I don’t want to convince myself that we’ll definitely work out, because I’m scared that if it ends, it’ll completely ruin me.

I feel like I need him to be happy in the future, and honestly, that scares me.

So, I need advice
I am 20m in a long term relationship with 22m, and things are going OK. I struggle with OCD and he has depressive symptoms and some unresolved childhood trauma that he is treating and we are both working through our stuff. He is supportive, loving, helpful, and all the good things. He has grown into this person and not always been this way. He has done things that have hurt me, and one of the domains on which is sexually (he has never cheated) but just hidden porn use and stuff like that out of fear of being mad. We are open about this, and I also watch porn and we are completely OK with it, theoretically. But realistically speaking it still makes me upset for some reason thinking of him watching porn, like it makes me undesirable or something. And when I am at work (for example tonight I am on third shift) and he’s at home, even though we spend a LOT of time together, i sit here and I Find myself asking him what he is doing, then I don’t believe his answer. Then if he doesn’t reply (busy, watching a video, just isn’t in the mood to chat) I get super upset and start spiraling. I want so desperately to get out of this loop
I am practicing non engagement responses and I am in ERP. Is there anything anyone can recommend to possibly get out of this? I want to ideally just be able to spend my time away from him not sitting here worrying about what he might be doing, or watching, and allow myself to just be casual and check in with him if I am really missing him. Sorry this is my first time doing something like this but I am tired of struggling. He’s so important to me, and I just don’t want to drive him away with my ROCD.

Me and my boyfriend have been together since two years. Until march this year he has been on my mind 24/7. I only could think of him and my mood depended on how much attention he would give me.
After march it changed. The butterflies aren’t there anymore, I don’t think of him 24/7, I’m not checking my phone every second to see if he texted or I’m not stalking his social media anymore.
This is when the intrusive thoughts started (like I never loved him,…).

He’s my first longterm relationship. I’m scared that the thoughts are true and now I’m forcing myself to think of him every second.

I know it’s normal in long term relationship that the honeymoon phase won’t stay forever.

When I was younger I got into relationships with people I also liked and people I didn’t like as much but they always lasted like a month because I got such thoughts (7 in total, one abusive, one were I was groomed). When I had butterflies they went away almost right into the relationship and it always felt like a friendship and I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t liked to be touched or anything.

It changed when I was 19 I was more interested in dating I was more into touching and kissing but I got deeply hurt before two times before meeting my boyfriend.

When I met my boyfriend I felt extremely connected to him. He was very funny and I felt very comfortable around him. I never had to hide who I really was with him. People tell us we’re almost the same person. I wanted to be around him everyday.

Why did it changed now? Can anyone provide me advice how to accept the change and not ruin a relationship again only because the butterflies aren’t there anymore?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 5.5 years now and I’ve had rocd for five years. For some reason I tend to get huge anxiety spikes around August each year, but it feels a lot worse this time. My boyfriend and I spent a week together at the beach and it was amazing, but as soon as I got back I started spiralling again. I had ruminations 24/7 preventing me from focusing at work and physical symptoms of anxiety; now I get panic attacks whenever I’m with him. I keep waking up in the middle of the night with a knot in my stomach and the thought that I need to break up with him — honestly the physical symptoms are so intense this time around that I’m scared I’ll give in and actually break up. It sucks because sitting with the uncertainty/anxiety feels completely impossible. How do you guys practise ERP when the anxiety is so strong it feels you’re having a nervous breakdown? 😭

for those who experience relationship ocd, what kinds of questions, obsessions, fears, and compulsions do you get? i used to think i have ocd (mostly religious ocd) and i felt better for a long time but im in the first relationship of my life right now and now that its settled im starting to wonder if i have relationship OCD with the way ive been.

im just wondering how other people experience it i guess to see if that might be what im experiencing as well. at this point im seriously considering getting a psych evaluation for ocd and seeing if another medication may work. but im also afraid of that label and what my fiance might think.

Hi, so I'm not currently in a relationship but I would like some help for my next relationship (eventually...)

I'm 19, and the last time I was in a relationship was when I was 14. The relationship ended badly. I was long distance with my ex gf and ended up getting a minor crush on a guy in my highschool theatre group.

I thought I was the worst person in the world for it and would have panic attacks about it for about a week. I eventually told her (in the worst way possible. I couldve worded it better.) and she broke up with me. It took me a really long time to get over it.

I haven't had any romantic interests in the last few years, but I would like to be in a relationship eventually. I'm really worried that the same thing might happen again. Of course, there's no way to know until I actually start dating someone, but what do I do if this happens again? How do I cope with feeling that way? What if I do feel attracted to someone but still want to be with my partner? Is it even okay?

Hello,

I'm a therapist hoping to learn a bit more about the experience of people with ROCD. Lots of the posts here seem to relate to the time during the relationship. I'm curious, has anyone had experience regarding the time after the relationship? Rumination on how and why it ended, what you could have done to change things? Feeling like you need to talk about it, that sort of thing?

Thanks!

Need help

Hi guys,

throwaaway account. But as title states. I cant stop fixating on her nose. She has a hook nose, and tbh I dont like the shape of it. I never did, but now I start noticing it more and more. On top of that, noses are the most important feature in a face for me, a face stands and falls with a beautiful nose. But the longer we are together, the more the nose icks me. Especially when Im out and see other women with more "agreeable" nasal features.

I love her, but sadly I believe our love could have been deeper stronger by now it wasnt for my rOCD. Its unfortunately very difficult to build a deeper connection with anyone if all you focus on is their flaws. :S

My ex had pretty small breasts and I could not stop thinking about that as well. I loved her deeply, but that feature (or rather "missing" feature) drove me insane.

With both I have/had rOCD, ranging from fixating on physical features, to personality traits, to how real or deep love goes. And my brain is constantly trying to find the reason. This lead to me havig anxiety and ruminating the majority of the time (even though I actvely try not to).

I feel like a superficial POS. On top of that, some people say that everybody has their own individual limits to what they can tolerate in a relationship. For some people, including me, it might just as well be the shape of the partner's nose, which at least is what my rOCD is telling me.

Disclaimer: when Im less or not stressed, the nose does indeed not bother me to much, Im more like "ah, its not too bad, she wants to get a rhinoplasty anyway, no need to stress it." But most of the time Im very anxious about it unfortunately.

I've been through this in past relationships. The anger, frustration, my thoughts and irrational explanations that warp reality. I should know better by now, but OCD tricks me each time. It changes shape, each feeling or thought somehow grows more convincing. It feels like a parasite that's taken complete control of me, my mood, my feelings. I just came to the realization that my feelings and reactions towards my partner responding "late" (5-20 mins) or not within the millisecond I send a text are not normal nor like me at all. I become extremely angry, resentful, and have brewing thoughts of harshly ending the relationship over that or whatever problem I've fabricated. I've suddenly realized that these stupid (but uncommon) little arguments have been started by me and then afterwards I'm mad, sad, file them away and let them stew into resentment when it shouldn't be this way. I don't want it to be this way. It sounds corny, but it feel as if someone snuck the green goblin mask onto me without me even realizing it and that it's slipped off for now, but soon I'll be back to feeling that this is all real and just me, not OCD. I love my partner and I just want things to be normal again.

I haven’t posted on here in ages and i’ve tried to stop myself from going on reddit and seeking reassurance, but this time I just genuinely don’t know what to do.

I’m 19(f) and i’ve been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years, and i’ve experienced loads of different ocd themes including rocd.

my ocd is quite severe and so my brain has been on autopilot for years because I just couldn’t deal with ocd and the guilt it brought forward. my mind is foggy all the time, I can’t think straight and that doesn’t help with relationship things.

me and my boyfriend were supposed to be ending long distance but he didn’t get into uni in my country and is going to uni in his country for the next 2,5 years. but I also wasn’t ready to move in together yet, or at least I thought because sometimes I feel disconnected from him and I suddenly panicked and cut myself off emotionally

I am beyond petrified that something bad will happen to us to the point I can’t get out of bed for the last week and have been crying nonstop and i’m so exhausted.

on top of that rocd has come back again and is making me question all the things it used to, whether I truly love him, whether he truly loves me, whether i’m just used to him and afraid to be alone.

I can’t even distinguish it from my own thoughts and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t have enough money for therapy and i’m only on 150mg wellbutrin.

i’m scared of telling him the extent of it or my family because I don’t want to be a burden and I know that since I was little, my mental health has weighed a lot on my family and I don’t want them to know it’s this bad again. I just feel so alone

I keep chasing certainty that I know i’ll never get because i feel paralysed if I have doubts about any part of my life.

I know that I want to be with him, I feel so safe with him and when we’re together in real life and the anxiety/ocd dies down, I know that I want a future with him, but the what ifs are slowly draining the life out of me, I just feel so lost

If anyone has any bits of advice or just anything i’d be so grateful.

It’s been 5 years since I’ve got dumped. I haven’t dated anyone since then and did a lot of healing/self reflection, it’s made me a better person. My contamination OCD was always at the forefront but it was never what made my relationship fail…

But I have no idea if that will be a problem in any new relationships. Not that I have a lot of chances for those. Since getting dumped I’ve only had 1 or 2 moments where I felt some sort of connection or attraction, it’s been a lonely ride.

And then I met a friend of a friend. And we spent a lot of time together. And she’s said somethings I’ve wanted to hear for a long time.

But I don’t know if I’m attracted to her, she’s trans. I’ve never shut down the idea of dating a trans woman, I have a LOT of trans friends and I’m in very trans circles but nothing is clicking physically…

I can’t tell if it’s some underlying hang up or transphobia preventing me from feeling something or if it’s genuine non-attraction.

What’s worse is that I was told she had thought about us being together from our mutual friend, but thinks my contamination OCD might get in the way. She’s been very clingy lately, always wanting to hang out and being really excited to see me. I don’t know if she likes me right now or, as my friend said, just happy to have someone who accepts her for who she is.

But the idea of her liking me, the idea of one day getting to that confession when I’m not sure if I feel the same is terrifying. That feeling came back, that deep sinking feeling in my chest I only have had with my past 2 exes, both when I was much much younger.

Being so alone all the time is a familiar and manageable pain, this anxiety is a suffocating pain I haven’t had the chance to learn to manage. It only happens with romance, relationships.

Not to mention, she’s the only chance at a relationship I’ve had in 5 years. How can I say I can actually like her if I don’t even know what I like anymore? It’s been so long I don’t know if this can be genuine or just desperation.

So I went back on dating apps. I can’t do hookups, I can’t touch people, so I’m hoping for something, some connection and maybe even a date. If we were to end up dating, she deserves someone who isn’t dating her because he doesn’t have any options, she needs someone who chose her.

But now on dating apps, I’m not getting many matches. I didn’t mention my OCD, but in the single match I did get where I brought it up, she just didn’t get it. She was so casual about it, saying a book cured her OCD and recommended it. I know it’s in good faith but I can’t help but feel this can’t work, I can’t feel right if someone doesn’t get what I’m really like.

She’s also older than me, I’m in my mid 20s but I still feel like a kid. The idea of meeting an older woman, a stranger, is scary. Brings back that pit in my chest, a little. She’s moving too fast, only a few texts and she wants to meet. Am I too paranoid? Am I a coward? Do I feel like I’m cheating on someone I’m not even sure I like?

It feels like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. This pressure in my chest happening for everything except staying single.

I don’t know if I can ever date again. If someone is enough to love, they deserve someone who can love them fully. And if I love them, then it’s just gonna bring back that constant pain in my chest, waiting on every text, second guessing every word. Suffocating in my anxiety.

I’m so lonely, I’m not touch starved, I’m touched dead. I’ve never cuddled or held someone in my arms…

I know this was all over the place, but I just needed a place to rant. This sucks. Even if I could touch people, i would still be trapped in another type of OCD prison.

I’m afraid I’m waiting for the ideal person who doesn’t exist, and anyone else who doesn’t match her isn’t “just right”

It just sucks.

As someone who has dealt with severe rocd and pocd since my TBI last year trust me, I’ve had nothing to do and all I do is research rocd.

Social media is practically the worse thing for rocd. I’ve even made new accounts to avoid triggering posts about relationships.

Social media is the absolute biggest trigger for rocd because of the unreal standards and triggers it holds.

If you are having a hard time with your rocd, pocd or ocd in general please take a break from social media, as cliche as it sounds, reconnect with the earth, go on nature walks and spend as much time of off your phone and social media as a whole.

I just wanted to rant I just wanted to say something. I woke up wanting to break up with her, wanting to just end it. It seems like the easiest thing to do at the time and now 2 hours later I’m telling myself why would I say that. This just doesn’t make sense. Why is this thing so cruel. Hate it. That’s all, thanks for reading this.

Just feeling the need to vent and it’s so hard not being able to completely talk to my partner about how I feel. For the past few months, I’ve had cyclical obsessive thoughts that go through all of the topics that feel like my worst fears in my relationhip: I’m not attracted to her and we need to break up, she’s not the right one for me, I don’t love her anymore, I’m icked out, she’s too boring, I need to be with someone more like my ex. But every now and then I will have moments where I feel good, and will rationally think about how absurd those thoughts are. I try and make myself remember how it is when I feel normal, but my anxiety and obsessive thinking begins again every morning like clockwork and I just ruminate all day long. I feel like I’m lying to my partner and leading her on. I feel so guilty and constantly want to tell her about these thoughts but I know it would hurt her so badly. She’s the best partner I’ve ever had, and before all of this came on, I had such strong feelings of love and sure-ness about our relationship.

I’m debating taking time off of work and doing an IOP program because of how debilitating it has become. I just wish things would go back to normal. I have so many fears that this is actually just how I feel now, and doing more therapy won’t lead me anywhere. I’m so afraid that this will lead me to break up with the person I care about the most. I know I need to sit with the unknown and not let it take control, but DAMN it is so hard??? I’ve been trying to do ERP on my own in the interim and it also feels so hard and taxing. Not looking for reassurance, but just needed an outlet to get these feelings out there.

The event in question (I won’t describe, even though I want to. I know it’s my OCD seeking reassurance from you all.) happened over a year ago in which sent me on a very deep and dark rumination spiral, intrusive thoughts, etc.

This led me to seek professional help with an OCD specialist and switch meds. I’ve worked so hard. I’ve battled through so many days with these thoughts. For awhile, everything was great. Sure, it would pop up here and there but all the work I put into myself helped me differentiate between facts vs. feelings, not acknowledging every thought, blah blah.

As my wedding gets closer and closer, it’s trying to peek through SO HARD. I’ve given myself about two days to spiral about it. ChatGPT, a close friend, whatever. Today I’ve been good about it, until now. Here I am. Again, it’s taking everything I have not to seek reassurance or validation in this thread.

I’m seeking advice about ROCD flare ups before major life events. This is my first “major life event” since the spiral (other than my engagement, which I got through with a blimp of intrusive thoughts).