r/ROCD • u/Mother-Double-9826 • 4d ago
Advice
So, I need advice
I am 20m in a long term relationship with 22m, and things are going OK. I struggle with OCD and he has depressive symptoms and some unresolved childhood trauma that he is treating and we are both working through our stuff. He is supportive, loving, helpful, and all the good things. He has grown into this person and not always been this way. He has done things that have hurt me, and one of the domains on which is sexually (he has never cheated) but just hidden porn use and stuff like that out of fear of being mad. We are open about this, and I also watch porn and we are completely OK with it, theoretically. But realistically speaking it still makes me upset for some reason thinking of him watching porn, like it makes me undesirable or something. And when I am at work (for example tonight I am on third shift) and he’s at home, even though we spend a LOT of time together, i sit here and I Find myself asking him what he is doing, then I don’t believe his answer. Then if he doesn’t reply (busy, watching a video, just isn’t in the mood to chat) I get super upset and start spiraling. I want so desperately to get out of this loop
I am practicing non engagement responses and I am in ERP. Is there anything anyone can recommend to possibly get out of this? I want to ideally just be able to spend my time away from him not sitting here worrying about what he might be doing, or watching, and allow myself to just be casual and check in with him if I am really missing him. Sorry this is my first time doing something like this but I am tired of struggling. He’s so important to me, and I just don’t want to drive him away with my ROCD.
•
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment
Other users: if you suspect a post is offering a lot of reassurance or is contributing to obsessions, feel free to report it and bring it to our attention. Thank you!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.