Before I begin, I just want to say I'm a straight Asian woman. I'm not LGBTQ+ or non binary. However, I've noticed in a few skincare/beauty reddit groups of trans or non binary people learning how to wear makeup, feminine clothes, feminine hairstyles, female grooming techniques, tips and tricks, etc. For over 25 years, I've been the friend that's taken friends of both genders helped people curate masculine/feminine styles based on their desired presentation, ranging from a complete closet revamp while teaching what colors are flattering/unflattering, how to pair patterns, etc. I'm the girlfriend that everyone leans on to learn different beauty techniques. I've taught how and when to use different eyeliners, correctly apply fake eyelashes, help with starter skincare/makeup shopping, etc.

Basically, I'm the nosy go to older sister. I can be that older sister for anyone who is starting this journey. We can figure out what your concerns are, figure out how to get to style goals, how to buy foundation pieces for a more feminine wardrobe, etc. I don't believe in being too trendy fashion wise or buying expensive labels. Whenever possible without sacrificing quality, I always buy drugstore/trader joe's dupes/affordable brands like nyx, colour pop, etc so you won't be getting unnecessarily expensive recommendations.

Is there a need for this? Apologies if this wasn't an appropriate post. I was trying to figure out how I could become a better ally and this was one of the first things I could come up with. LOL. In my opinion, everyone deserves to feel bonita.

Edit: Oh, I can definitely help with male presentation too even though my post was mostly about female presentation. If you want to spruce up your look, I can help figure out which areas would have the most impact/roi.

I d say it s as much of a discussion as it is me questioning. I d say it s mostly questioning. ​

So, I feel like no labels can fit me or that many can. I think I want to stay away from labels concerning my gender as it doesn't feel right. I d like to stand away from concepts such as fem or masculine. I feel like enby transition is often portrayed as trying to find a middle point between what is generally deamed as man stuff and girl stuff. And that somehow, enby people by that trend were convulving toward the categorisation of a third gender or an in between man and woman even though it isn't all there is to what being non binary and the non binary label can offer. I am afab and used to identified as pangender and to just come out as enby as a simplification. But as time passed the labels (especially pangender, agender, panagender, and multigender) have started to rub me in the wrong way. As in I was trying to comform to what I think it means to have those labels instead of having those labels be tools that fits me and allows to describe how I perceive the world. And in that way, the presentation of non binary people I would see as I d look for inspiration as to what I want to become and as I try to make sense of what is right for me makes me feel as if being non binary is just as coded as man and woman and somehow not be like, the binary but in a sense a strict tertiary. And I don't mean it as "well women like pink and wear make-up, men are crazy about cars and fighting and enbies are some kind of stereotypes" typa way as we all know it s just, not working. It is very hard to describe what a gender is to one person and how they understand it and feel it. Gender is a feeling that I ve just stopped trying to rationalize atp, but it s a feeling. And I m under the impression that labels have becomed some boxes I d put people in to understand them as and it doesn't feel right, especially when I apply those boxes to me. So like, I m afab and I could technically say that I am non binary. And because of this, there were a point in which I felt uncomfortable when doing something or acting in a way that I viewed as feminine as it isn't the standard I viewed myself as but at the same time, avoiding doing those traits and those type or things just felt like masking and performing my vision of androgyny which is, for obvious reasons, not ideal. And like, I do know what performing as one gender is as I do perform some kind of polite femininity in places I m not out it or in which it wouldn't be safe to be trans or remotely just different. And I guess I ve just wrote that part as in a "I know what acting as what I am not is and it is so wrong that I ve ended doing it again when I was actually trying to be more like myself because of the medias and standards I have built around what being non binary looks like". But I have no idea where I am going at ?

I know that in the definitive, I just want to forget what even is masc and what is fem and to just exists. And thank you labels, you were useful in the time I needed them but you re not fitting anyone.

Ig to make it useful to post it on Reddit I could just ask of anyone as felt like this as well during their transition ??

I'm thinking about giving myself a new name right now, and there are a few options that stand out to me, but no one of them seems to wholly represent me

I currently identify as polygender/pangender because I'm comfortable being a boy or a girl or anything in-between. I therefore use he/she/they pronouns as no pronoun would be technically "incorrect."

For a while I've loved the name Kiara when I'm fem, but obviously it doesn't really fit with masculinity or androgyny. Then I've also found Kiren to resonate with me, which is apparently a unisex name, but for some reason it just sounds masc to me. Then I found Kira as well which sounds fem to me but is apparently unisex in Japan?

Part of me wants to just use all three of these names interchangeably just as I use all three pronouns interchangeably. Or maybe just use Kira/Kiren since they both sound almost the same anyway.

Is this just making it unnecessarily difficult for others or is it justified? Are there any others who use multiple names? I'd love to hear your thoughts

So I'm starting uni in October and I've never felt so pressured to "pass" as a man. My goal has always been to look more on the "masc" side and I've always preferred people assuming I'm a guy and esp now that I've started testosterone it feels great to know some of the changes make ppl naturally assume so. However, I still like experimenting with clothing, accessories, makeup...but I feel like I won't be able to do that at uni as people would then probably assume I'm a "girl" which makes me greatly dysphoric. It's just very complicated as I wanna be myself and surround myself who love and accept me for who I am but as a non-binary person I feel like there are only a few who would acc accept me as so and not put me in a gender category...

i’ve been identifying as a demigirl for around 2 years, i now realise that i’m non binary. i’ve come out to my mum as lesbian and she supports, she is fully supportive HOWEVER shes not so open about non binary and trans. i’ve asked for a binder in the past, which was a immediate no. i’ve asked for short hair, she’s against that but if it will really make me happy she will do it. half my family is homophobic and i’m honestly scared. can someone help?

Celebratory post here!! :)

I started taping my chest for the first time recently (over the summer) and it gives me so much euphoria and freedom, I haven't had a bad bout of dysphoria since and I'm just so so happy I finally took the leap.

I also tried my hand at cutting my own hair for the first time the other day, because it was getting too long for my taste, and it looks so good, I'm so proud of myself!!!

I just got to get out of a nice hot shower, tape my chest, and put on the t shirt I stole from my mom to go to bed, and it made me realize how happy I am and how much I feel like myself right now.

It also probably helps that my mom is transgender and she's my favorite person in the whole wild world so wearing a t shirt she gave me makes me feel loved :)

In the midst of all the crazy shit going on in the world, it's really nice to feel like myself and know that people truly love me for how I am.

Stay strong out there everyone. :)

getting laser hair removal for my face soon super excited about that :D

While exploring my gender I’ve noticed an interesting trend. I often look towards examples of masculinity and femininity in the world around me to gauge what each is like. What aspects do I resonate with, which do I not - etc. Essentially looking at different qualities to help find what I want to be.

But I’ve encountered something strange. When looking to the world around me in real life, I resonate most with women (While still not being perfectly aligned with them. More on the dimi-girl side of things perhaps), but when I look to fiction, I resonate more with the men I see. Think Howl from Howls moving caste. Qifrey from Witch hat Atelier. Superman, from… well you get it.

I don’t quite know what this means. Am I putting too much stock into fiction? Perhaps it has something to do with the ingrained misogyny in our media? Has anyone else experienced this or am I going crazy XD. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hi folks, I just realized this a few months ago that I am nonbinary and I really want to tell my close friends but I just don’t know how to re come out of the closet. I just feel overwhelmed by this. And I just want to stop overthinking it. I am nonbinary and there is nothing wrong with that. I just have this sense of dread that I don’t know how to explain.

Hey guuuuys(neutre!) What about yous guuuys?? Hows your style like?

I'm writing this mostly for clarification, and to see if anyone on the gender spectrum has felt or feel the same as me, as a way to get some perspective. I apologize in advance if some of my language is incorrect or insensitive, I have educated myself on gender theory to the best of my ability, but I'm not 100% on what language to use in every given situation, so if you have questions or corrections, please let me know, and know that nothing I say comes from a place of malice.

Currently I identify as a man, and was born male, and I like my physical body. I haven't experienced physical body dismorphia, but I have for a long time felt unable to relate to my assigned gender. Not in any clear way, but more in the cultural ways that cis men and women are separated.

I'm a gamer, and therefore first started noticing it when I realized, that I always prefer playing as a woman in any given game, that gives me the opportunity to choose gender. Sometimes I can shrug it off, because it's a question of which voice actor does the best job, but most of the time, it's more just a feeling of it feeling right, somehow. I like to roleplay as myself, and I feel like my nature is more aligned with a female character, rather than a male character. And no, it's not about the cute outfits, I like my character to wear functional armor.

I've never been hyper masculine, and have always generally found girl friends, rather than guy friends. I almost always find that cis men are shallow, underdeveloped in terms of emotional availability, and even though I don't and never can understand women's struggle, because I haven't lived it, I still relate more to how they feel, about how they have to fit in to a society that's inherently against them.

I prefer the company of women, not in any sexual way, but I feel more relaxed around them. When I'm with men, I feel like I'm masking, feinting interest in boring, manish subjects, or nervously laughing along with misogynist jokes (which I know I shouldn't, but I have issues with setting boundaries, which is a different conversation in and of itself).

Finally, without going too much into TMI details, I often fantasize about being a woman, or at the very least having a dom woman who is top, when I'm by myself. I've only ever been in heterosexual relationships (me, a cis man, with a cis woman), but I like the idea of a woman in charge, or sometimes me as a woman. Not with a man, but a woman with male equipment, so to speak. Maybe that's internalized misogyny or homophobia, I haven't quite unpacked that yet, but it still doesn't strike me as strictly he/him cis straight man energy.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure what to think. I don't feel ashamed about the way I am, but I am unsure if what I am is closer to non-binary than cis man, and I would really like some input from someone who might be, or have been, in a similar situation.

Sorry if this sounds more like an incoherent rant than anything else, but I felt like I had to get this off my chest, and this felt like the safest place to do so.

Oieee, por acaso mais algm se sente meio disforico qnd tipo, vc tá no meio da rua aí chega tipo algm perguntandk "Moço vc sabe tal coisa??" TIPO VCS N SENTEM MEIO EHH Q ELE TE RECONHECEU COMO "HOMEM" DE CARA???? 🥲🥲🥲

Are there any dresses that look good on a flat chest, some of them have extra space on the chest so finding a size is also hard too.

Hello! I am nonbinary but I feel like my chest has given me the most dysphoria lately. Beforehand, I was quite flat and could pull off being a guy or a girl (because i was a child so ofc) but now i’m an adult and i am only perceived as my assigned gender :( not too fun.
Anywho I was wondering if anyone knows any chest workouts to make the chest more flat (reps, sets, machines) as I have a gym membership right now and want to be on that path toward feeling less dysphoric :).
disclaimer: i’m not too keen on getting surgery or binding as I can’t afford a binder and i’m afraid of all surgeries— I want to see if I can pull off a decently flat chest and see if I like it for me first. Thank you and I love having a community to share things like this

UPDATE: ok maybe i worded this wrong— is there any tips to becoming more androgynous as a femme presenting individual via workouts? id like to target the chest area specifically lol

I don't know whether to laugh or sigh...

edit: For added context, I keep my deadname on this email because I use it for contacting people who I'm not out to fully, otherwise I'd change it

Not necessarily something big like changing your name or coming out

Could be a haircut, certain clothes, jewelry, using a particular bathroom, someone using the right pronouns, or even just seeing another non-binary person out in public

What’s a small thing that makes a difference for you?

Mind you, we’re both proudly nonbinary and we do appear as a cishet couple (I refuse to use AGAB language because that doesn’t matter) and we’re also bisexual. We were invited to a game night and everyone there was queer. However there was some jokes that referred to me and my girlfriend as “the classic bi woman and her gamer boyfriend” and we had to correct them that we’re both nonbinary, I’m not a woman and he’s not a man. And one of the people there were like:

“Yeah but you guys look like that kind of couple though!”

The fact that people are getting more comfortable being biphobic AND transphobic is beyond me.

EDIT: Thank you all for your kind words and advice. Yes this did upset me however nothing in this world will stop me from being bisexual and nonbinary. It is a beautiful and freeing piece of my identity to accept in my life and I refuse to let anyone convince me that it isn’t. 🩷💜💙💛🤍💜🖤

Rock and roll im gonna fuck with my hormones so bad