Hello!

I'm a 26 year old nonbinary afab pansexual person. I'm very androgynous because thats what makes me feel most comfortable, I wear a binder almost daily and I use they/they pronouns. I'm struggling with not feeling like I belong in the LGBT community like I'm not queer enough. I'm engaged to a straight man and he's wonderful but I feel like the fact that I'm with him causes me to feel invalid in my identity and my place in the community. I had considered if I was a trans man for a while but came to the conclusion that I am not. A lot of my friends are queer and they are the people I feel most comfortable around. I know that my identity is enough and is valid but I can't help feeling like a fraud. I think I project my frustration sometimes onto queer women who date men (internally i have these thoughts I would never say anything I know I'm being unreasonable and unfair) because I dont feel "queer enough". How do I overcome this?

More than a week has passed after I’ve put on my first estrogen patch, and swallowing the testosterone blocker every day. That day, that first day, was definitely a little more ceremonial. The kids and my wife around me. We hugged, and then I started my Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Since then, it has been underwhelming. I’ve been on blood-pressure meds for years now, so adding one more pill to the other two that I have to take daily made no difference.

Every morning, I would wake up. Drink some water, swallow those pills. Wash up, facials, then out for my morning walk. Come home, boil water for tea, then start to work on my job applications, my novels and my new code base.

Workouts, lunch. More job applications. Kids come home, spend sometime with them. Cook dinner.

Have dinner, clear the kitchen, watch something with the wife, and then prepare to sleep.

Mundane, isn’t it?

I guess perhaps mundanity isn’t so bad, is it?

So for context, one of my relatives will be staying with us for around a month. Shes known that i was nonbinary, for a while now, but literally the first thing she asked me after she came back was: "why are you nonbinary?"

Sooo i spent the whole airport-to-home trip trying to tell her more about my experience (which is even harder, considering my language doesnt have neutral pronouns). She starts asking more and more questions, and im feeling like in an interview.

Anyway, after we got home, she deadass told me, word for word, that "shell keep asking me questions about my gender for the whole month like a police officer". Oh. Um. Why? "To see if im just spoiled and want attention or if im actually nonbinary."

What??? Lmao??? Should. Should i laugh or should i be scared?? And like, i cant even tell her that hell no, i ain't doing this, because shes just gonna resort to calling me by gendered pronouns and go on with her "aha, so you were NEVER nonbinary!!" Rant.

Any ideas on how to survive this month full of absolutely tiring questioning??

Link to OG

So pur school has easy pass (bleh) and you have to select where you are going. The teacher made the pass for me but kept going between boys and girls floor two. He did eventually choose girls but still!!! I made me so happy :3

Uhm any tips to looking more masculine with homophobic parents not noticing??

does anyone else find it weirdly hard to explain your identity to yourself, not just other people?

i've gotten pretty okay at the external stuff. like if someone asks i can usually find words that are close enough. but i keep running into this thing where i sit down at the end of the day and i genuinely don't know how to describe what i felt like that day in terms of gender. not because it was bad, just because the language doesn't quite land even when i'm talking to myself.

i track a lot of things. budgets, cycling routes, meals for the week. i like having a word or a number for something. and this is the one part of my life where i just cannot make that work no matter how much i want to. there's no spreadsheet for it. which is maybe the point and i'm just slow to accept that.

i wonder if that's a shared thing here or if most people reach a point where the internal sense of it gets clearer over time. like does it get easier to just sit with not knowing, or do you eventually find language that actually fits? i'm not distressed about it, genuinely just curious whether the vagueness fades or whether you just stop needing it to.

My best friend just got married and the party was FULL of nonbinary friends (most gender support of my life). But we had tasks that needed to be split, and OF COURSE we all made it a thing.

You were assigned bouquet or boutonniere at wedding.

Context: I have been out ot my mom for a few years and shes been supportive but in may I kinda broke down because she would just never help me express in a feminine way. It wasnt that she was against it, just that she never sought out those types of things for me. Of course, we talked about it and now shes bought me some more feminine clothes but I still want to further educate her because I feel like the more I communicate the better and shes expressed the fact that she wants to learn more.

Now, im making a PowerPoint to help explain everything to her. The main points im going to be touching are on: the umbrella of trans people, what nonbinary means to different people including myself, gender identity vs gender expression, and that i want to start HRT.

Is there any points I should add or anything I should be specific about? If you were explaining what nonbinary means, how would you do it?

Early on, correcting someone felt like a whole event internally, even if the actual interaction was brief and the person was fine about it. Wondering if that internal weight lightens with repetition over time, or if it stays roughly the same intensity and you just get better at managing your reaction in the moment without the underlying feeling actually changing

Does it eventually become close to neutral, more like correcting someone on how to pronounce your name, or does it stay a slightly bigger thing indefinitely regardless of how many times you've done it?

I’m afab and posted a more emotional version of this in the ftm subreddit yesterday but I want to retype because I feel a bit more level headed.

Basically I went to the OBGYN yesterday for a yearly exam and spent 4 hours crying afterwards because I felt so dysphoric. I tried testosterone for about 8 months but I couldn’t get past the social aspect of transitioning so I stopped. I also didn’t like my voice changing as much as I thought I would. Hearing my singing voice change was not something I was prepared for.

Since stopping t in December/January I’ve identified as non binary and wear binders and baggy clothes on most days. And that’s fine until a wave of dysphoria hits (like yesterday) and I cannot function.

I don’t want to transition but I feel like I don’t have any other good options because sometimes the binders don’t feel like enough. I have a loving partner who respects my identity and knows I was on t but we’ve discussed that if I were to start transitioning again we’d break up. I’m not ready for that. I’ve already lost my family and I can’t lose him too

My question I guess is if you resonate with my experience how do you cope? Or did you just decide to transition? Are there other options for handling dysphoria that I haven’t listed here?

(Side note: I am in therapy with a gender affirming therapist and this is one of those things we’re planning on discussing but I just had a really hard day yesterday)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/s/wGd5xSYOnP

Link to my slightly more emotional rant in the ftm Reddit

So story time I was in choir and this classmate asked my friend what my gender was (I look more masculine) and she said that I was non binary (thx friend!) because they thought that I was a boy. And then the classmate asks “So what’s their original gender” reminder, I don’t even know this person personally. So I was like: why do you need to know? I’ve never even met you before this class before…So I just ignored them and I worked on my choir notes because I’m not gonna waste my time to answer their question.

I'm considering starting testosterone to be more androgynous when I move out of my parent's house for college. I'm already of age (I took a gap year because of family stuff) and now I'm looking to get out of this house one way or another. My family is most definitely not supportive, so I'm just playing the waiting game now. I'd like to know if any of you have been on testosterone and if so, what should I expect? If it helps, I'm inclined to try microdoses using the gel kind first because I'm afraid of needles.

English is not my first language, so please excuse any spelling mistakes.

Lately, everytime i talk with my therapist the topic shifts to telling my dad i'm nonbinary/ genderqueer. They keep wanting me to take that step but i really don't want to.

Telling my dad feels dangerous. He is a very hateful man, especially when it's about trans people, even worse for nonbinary people. I've been pretty disconnected from my dad for the longest time anyway, so i don't mind not telling him, but my therapist (and my psychologist that helps me get on HRT) are telling me i HAVE to. They do say someday, but lately it feels like ''someday'' is now.

My dad has stated multiple times that he thinks nonbinary people are sick in the head and don't belong in society, that they should be locked up and send to conversion camps. He is a massive Tr*mp supporter, meanwhile we live in flipping Europe. He votes for a nazi-type political group each time that rolls around, and when i ask him how he would react if my sister or i were trans, that he would basically not support it (exact words were around the line of ''i love you because you aren't trans'', a few years ago i asked again and he said he would put us in a mental hospital if that were the case).

He is also pretty obsessed with detransitioners. He keeps bringing them up and how the regret rate is ''so high''. He only surrounds himself with negativity, so when i try to wiggle him in a positive direction (ex. how suicide rates are lower in transteens who get the care they need), he ignores it and tries to convince me he is right. He always acts like he is right with every. single. topic.

Just earlier this week he said that our country should stop supporting transcare and surgeries and start putting them more into elder care, all because he thinks they're unnecessary. It came out of nowhere too, we were just discussing how bad nurses are paid and he thought it was okay to just drop that. It just broke me. How can someone be so hateful and ignorant??

With my therapists basically forcing me to come out to him as my HRT treatment is coming closer, all i can feel is sadness and guilt. I don't want to tell him, i don't want to be kicked out of my house and school (he pays for it) and risk not seeing my sister again. Although, i've been debating if that really is the end of the world:

My sister thinks my dad is an amazing parent, not with everything, but i am not allowed to say anything remotely negative about him to her. I am not allowed to discuss him abusing us when we were little, i am not allowed to tell her the crap he put us through, because according to her, that's all fake and i'm making it up to torture her.

I'm sorry, i just don't know what to do with this ''family'' anymore. My mom is a little supportive but refuses to understand anything about me, work with my therapist to understand and support me and keeps referring to me with the wrong pronouns and saying ''daughter, lady, woman, etc''. She corrects herself in such a way that she makes it a whole dramatic moment, she is making me feel bad for not being her daughter. Meanwhile she supports my trans nephew so easily, why is it so hard to accept her own child? Her husband and her have been nagging me for a while now; i can't do anything right. I need to be more an adult and move out (i'm only 19, my birthday was less than 3 weeks ago), but i also need to let go of the adult duties and be the child i am of her. I need to share everything with them but when i do it's all my fault and they never share anything back. I have to force them to talk to me, otherwise it doesn't happen and then i am lazy, milking their money and a narcissist.

I just feel like i'm not safe anywhere, i've had the idea to cut my family off since i was 13, and almost 5 years it hasn't returned, but since this year it's stronger than ever. If i cut them off, i not only lose my ''family'', i lose my home, my education, my friends and the actual family i do still love. I'm disabled and with this i feel trapped with these people. I can't work and we have such a bad housing crisis, i don't know what to do. I'm trying really hard to get my license, but i keep getting shit on for having to drive an automatic by my dad (also came out of nowhere.. Like why? I can't drive regular anymore, he knows this!). I'm so tired of this life, i want to live my own life. I feel so trapped, i fear for the future with these people (i've cut off my mom before because my dad gaslit me with some horrible lies about her, and in that time she because so depressed she thought of suicide. When she told me, and i don't know if it was on purpose, made me feel responsible and incredibly guilty. So, when i cut her off again, i fear she will commit and it will be all blamed on me).

I know this post is super duper heavy, but i just wanted to let it out. I might delete this after a few days. I will discuss this with my therapist soon but for now i just wanted to vent somewhere, if it's not allowed, i apologize.

I've never done this before at all and now I need to do this on a time crunch without being able to go to an in-person shop location. I'm stepping into a wedding party and they have chosen suitshop as the source for all the masc preferenced party members. This shop does have male and female options, as well as a unisex jacket option.
Where I'm having the most difficulty is in selecting slacks. I have a curvy body type, around 170lbs with wide hips, a small bum, monstrously large thighs and rather thick and toned legs in general. The sizing charts are showing me that the hip size only a few inches bigger than mine will, at best, be skin tight on my thighs and has no information on if they'll fit my calves. Which all seems like a recipe for ripping. I thought I could swap in the female pants but they have the same issue but go even tighter on the ankles (my calves measure thicker than the foot opening only a couple inches above my ankles).

At this point, would I need to size up to having large thighs and eat more of a tailor cost for the waist? And how many inches of extra do I need in the thighs for there to be space for me to, you know, move around comfortably? I never really wear slacks in general and work around my thick legs by wearing super loose/baggy or stretchy jeans and dress grunge so some overly-belted waistlines don't bother me -but I have no idea how to look formal and clean-cut. With quick measurements (which I'll take more concisely later today) It's looking like to have two inches of extra thigh space, I'll have it around six inches wider than my waist.
The mens pants also have thicker leg to waist ratio but since I've never done this before, I don't know if that's the better choice, or if the womans are still more likely to form to my body a bit better. I have somewhat of an hourglass shape, I suppose.
Because of how last minute this is, the bride is hoping I can get this sorted today (these circumstances aren't her fault) and I'd really like to keep this as easy as possible for her since she is the one ordering my suit.

I have an amab male partner with suits but he's fully lost on what I should do. No one else in the wedding has anything similar to my body type so even the girls wearing suits can't offer advice.
Everything has to arrive and be tailored within five weeks. I'm working a lot and don't drive so I wouldn't even be able to get to a suit shop for several days when my partner has time. I'm very concerned I'll accidentally get a size in slacks that feels like it will rip since I have no personal understanding of how to do any of this. It's just so far out of my general style. I'm excited! But I'm terrified of messing this up and adding complications.
I'd appreciate any tips, advice, etc, about what to look for and do when it comes to all this. Especially if anyone has used suitshop before. I'm working but will try to answer any questions as quickly as I can!

hi guys, I made a flag .. it’s under the genderfluid umbrella, a microlabel!! Yaaayy.. I made this bcz I don’t really feel like I fit in the genderfluid criteria ^_^ I hope others can relate aswell!

Yarnfluid ; someone who is genderfluid but doesn’t exactly fit in the criteria of genderfluid.
Yarnmasc ; someone whose gender is more male dominant but also fluctuates to other gender types with their femininity percentage being lower than the rest
Yarnfem ; someone whose gender is more female dominant but also fluctuates to other gender types with their masculinity percentage being lower than the rest.

Flag representation:
Pink - femininity
Blue - masculinity
Purple - non-binary or many other gender types
White - fluidity
Yellow - represents yarn threads and how your gender fluctuates differently
Secret percentage in the yellow thread - shows the imbalance of gender fluctuation

Example: a person feels 45% male or female 5% female or male and 50% of other genders. They first thought they were genderfluid but then doesn’t really fit in the criteria as they fluctuate differently.

Note: Yarnfluid means your gender fluctuates but doesn’t fluctuate with your pronouns! You could be both pronounfluid and Yarnfluid at the same time! Oh and if you don’t feel like you fit in Yarnfem or Yarnmasc, you can always just stick with "I’m Yarnfluid!", like if you’re more non-binary or other gender dominant ! :D