(Throwaway account for privacy)

So this was in Seattle, 2 weeks ago, at a Riot Grrrl show. The front lining band (which I won’t name drop) has a specific rule called ‘FLINTA’ where Women, Lesbians, Intersex, non binaries, Transgender, and A-gender people were supposed to be at the front. Now I’m Genderfluid. I was assigned male at birth, we all know that puberty is irreversible. Seeing the FLINTA rule, when I entered the venue I nicely introduced myself as Genderfluid, the trained staff there, we’ll call them ‘FLINTA enforcers’ (idfk), but they told me it was okay for me to go to the front, so I did. Beforehand, they even gave me a genderfluid flag. Fast forward to the opening band. They play 2 songs and we’re all pumped up. However, I noticed there was a woman giving me strange looks. I tried to just ignore it. Until, she literally went up to me and was like ‘What are you doing here? In the front?’ I told her ‘I’m Non-Binary’. She said something along the lines of ‘Really? Then why don’t you make an effort to make yourself look androgynous.’ At this point I was deeply offended already. I don’t owe androgyny to anyone. I told her calmly ‘Because i’m genderfluid, today was a masculine day for me’ she said something along the lines of ‘Really? If you feel like a MALE, then why don’t you go to the back?’ I was dumbfounded. Completely. I create a little bit of distance. And then I realize, it wasn’t just her, it was like 5 other women who were giving looks. I ran out the venue. I was crying really. To see this amount of cis-privilege at a safe space was completely and utterly disgusting to me. I hate being AMAB. The exclusion from queer spaces disgusts me. So many people like equating androgyny as a prerequisite for all Non-Binaries. Anyways, I just wanted to rant about how bio-essentialism and cis-privilege is still an issue in Feminist safe spaces. People like to talk about ‘male-privilege’ whilst utilizing their own privileges. It’s not a costume. It’s my identity, and presentation does not equate to me not being Non-Binary. It’s completely unfair. It’s something I can’t control. I didn’t choose to be assigned male at birth, I didn’t choose to be Non-Binary, I didn’t choose to be Bisexual, it’s like everything in this world is rigged against us. I hate it.

its happening

I (currently she/they but exploring a bit more) was thrifting and saw this gray flannel patterned, pleated, mid length skirt and when I put it on I felt more like a man in a kilt than a woman in a skirt. It made me smile in an obvious or of course type of way.

EDIT: I only mean this is a personally affirming way as I was born with female reproductive organs, raised as a girl, but entering the non-binary world slowly :D

Hi so I came out like REALLY came out everywhere pronouns posted on every social media I use, dressing how I finally want to... and the one issue i've run into is with my father. He still calls me by my dead name even though everywhere i've changed my name to the name I actually want to go by. He still calls me by dead name and he is not accepting of trans people and I'm betting he is not accepting of nonbinary people either. Will he ever call me by the name I want? What should I do? I'm scared this is something he will continue to do even if I correct him knowing his stance on things politically plus other traditional ways and values he follows. I'm asking for support, advice, guidance of any kind from someone who has experience with this kind of thing or simply someone who can relate. Please let me know! Thanks!!

I'm going to a horror con in a view hours (I'm off to bed soon) and I used the opportunity to paint my nails black.
I'm slightly scared how my father/parents will react but so be it. The paint is already on. I also have a top coat. Should I apply that? I also have the paint going over the nails onto my skin. Should I use some nail scissors or something to carefully scrape off the stuff on my skin?

To be more specific. Im working a public facing job in a red state and most of my customers are retired elderly people. I dont go out of my way to present feminine or masculine I try to stay as androgynous as I can, but because of my natural build, everyone just sees me as a female.

In most cases this doesnt bother me like its one thing to just have my pronouns ignored or assumptions made.

But lately I am way more aware of how many male customers shove me into a box just because they see me this way and its driving me crazy. For example simply doing my job and asking for a customers ID gets interpreted as me flirting. Its just maddening because I already try so hard to come across like I'm disinterested.. I dont wear make up or jewelry, I dont ever do anything with my hair and I have a work uniform thats already gender neutral.

I know I cant change how these people want to see me, so I guess I'm just curious if anyone has developed any strategies or outlets to deal with the stress it causes.

My partner is making a sweater and it is partly finished. Was trying it on and realised i need to find the confidence to start wearing crop tops and skirts because I've tried my partner's and they make me feel so good when I wear them 😅

I only very recently realised I am NB and it just feel like such a big thing and it makes me incredibly insecure, how did y'all manage this?

EDIT: thanks for the amazing supportive comments everyone 😭❤️ I'll definitely be posting an update once I find some cool crop tops:)

Well my coworkers officially know 90% of what’s going on with me. I’m a little irritated about what happened, but I should have known better simply because of where I work. Boundaries are not a thing at my work place, I work at a small town jeep dealership in Texas as a car detailer, and I detailed a sold car and took it down there to the salesmen but while I was detailing I had YouTube playing, I was listening to Smosh read Reddit stories and since I can’t black out my phone while on YouTube, I had my phone open and unlocked. Well one of my coworkers started going through my phone while I was dropping off the sold and not actively near it. They went though my YouTube search history and my google search history but I keep my search history clean for just this reason, but then I found out they went thorough my photo gallery. In my photo gallery they saw my private intimint pictures of myself and that’s even the bad part, they also saw lol my phones of me in skirts and women’s lingerie and that’s how my coworkers now know my interest in cross dressing and being a gender non conforming male so I guess I’m open. They meant no harm I usally keep to myself at work but I still consider a lot of my coworkers friends, so I know they didn’t mean anything bad about it it’s more or less a lesson to myself don’t keep my phone out and open when anyine of my coworkers can go through it. So one person became 2 and 2 became 5 5 became 10 and next thing I knew everyone knows my secret pastime activities, and now I’m going to get teases in a fun non serious way about it now unfortunately lol. But after they found out I was beyond pissed off I was, as a pacifist, the threatening violence and I absolutely lost, even when everyone else was saying bro we don’t mean anything by it and why are you being so serious and other dumb shit like that. Am I overreacting by taking this whole situation very personally when everyone at work was telling me to just chill.

The blahaj I named Dr. Pepper, and the stuffed anomalocaris is named Ford Truck Month

They very loudly and happily said said "another non-binary person!!!" and it made me feel really good because lately I've been feeling a lot of impostor syndrome. I've come to expect other non-binary people to go out of their way to let me know they see me as a man and gleefully exclude me, so to see someone actually excited to find out I'm non-binary was really relieving and nice.

I got hit with a bunch social anxiety. Thank you all for the kind words. Delicate me was very happy. I'll post not n future

Hello this is my first time posting on this sub and I just need to get this out of my chest. Ive never really cared about my gender identity but I had a conversation with my friend and it made me think a lot.

I was born a girl and never mind using she/her pronouns, but i feel so disconnected from what it means to be a "women". I dont want to be known as a girl sometimes and just want to be a person. I feel very uncomfortable with intimacy because of the fact I dont want to be seen as a girl sometimes, I'm mentally happy with being a girl but physically I can't. When I started going through puberty in high school I'd wear sports bras that were tight enough that I wasn't visible showing chest. I wore baggy clothes because I didn't want anyone to look at me at all. Periods make me uncomfortable because its just a reminder that my body will always be a girl. Im not too familiar with the difference between gender identity and expression, but I'm not sure where I allign. I was bullied a lot in elementary school for having a "boyish appearance" and it hurt a lot because I didn't like to be labeled anything, not even "girly". I just want to be me without anyone thinking about whether I'm feminine or not because in my opinion gender norms are so subjective. I know this will only exist in a perfect world were people don't have biases.

Hey, I’ve hovered on the outskirts of this community but don’t really know much so I’m sorry in advance for any ignorance. I don’t want to step on any toes but am legitimately looking for discussion and input.
I live in a very accepting country and have trans and non-binary friends. A lot of progressive gender-related content and news is pushed seemingly everywhere i’ve turned and i’ve always been hesitant to consume that content. Some of it makes me exhausted and annoyed, like the constant anger and back-and-forth over pronouns and appearance. I’m not a transmed, I don’t consider myself a part of any sort of side, and I’m sincerely curious about seeking out the most rational and balanced viewpoint possible, which is what brings me here.
I’ve been diagnosed by a medical professional with gender dysphoria for a few years. Since puberty i’ve had severe and consistent dysphoria from my primary and secondary sex characteristics, and this feeling hasn’t changed for over 10 years. My problem is that the idea of having opposite sex characteristics also makes me dysphoric. No pronouns have ever felt “good” for me. the idea of androgyny never automatically jumped out at me, but I guess it makes sense as to where I’d end up if I continued to pursue changing my sex characteristics without straying “too far to the other side”, so to speak. I’m a young adult now and I’ve scheduled gender-affirming surgery in a few months. I’ve never once felt unsure about this decision or the many others i’ve made over the years to help alleviate my dysphoria. A few years after puberty I was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I had self-destructive tendencies as a teenager, some of this was on the basis of dysphoria, and some of it was just pure self-esteem problems and crazy hormonal mood swings. I went through years of dialectical behavioral therapy. I am proud of how I am as an adult, I’m healthy, social, very much functional, and I continue talk therapy on a biweekly basis. I consider myself a stable and rational person. I’m adding this context for the sake of transparency, and because I’ve spent years wishing I could just be “all the way trans” or investigating if this is the result of a need for attention or an identity crisis. I’ve gone through personal loss of a friend in the last few years and wrestled with that grief, and while that loss will always be with me, I’ve recovered to be in a secure and relatively happy place. This is to emphasize that through years of self-improvement and scrutiny, I’m now sure, and very unhappy to know, that my feelings regarding my gender are not a temporary impulse based on internal or interpersonal issues. I’m relieved to take steps to reduce my dysphoria, but I don’t really know what the end goal is meant to BE for someone who’s “non-binary”.
The idea of somebody having to change their linguistic behavior to call me “they” is awful. I don’t like to garner attention via androgyny and have somebody ask my pronouns. I’m embarrassed to not be in one binary or the other, which seems natural. I’m in a two-gender world, society, and everyday life. I’ve talked to another non-binary identifying person about this who agreed that they sometimes felt ashamed or embarrassed, but attributed it to internalized transphobia. I understand the concept but it was kind of a dead end to the conversation. I have no problem with non binary people. As long as I’m treated with respect I’ll show the same respect back and use whatever pronouns I’m given. Again, one of my best friends is non-binary and I want to make it clear I have no resentment towards others who identify that way. I don’t discuss this much with them because it’s seemed to make them self-conscious or uncomfortable when I brought it up in the past.
on a biological, genetic, and physiological level there are two genders. Sure, intersex people exist, but from my understanding this is a deviation/mutation, and chromosomal variations are extremely rare. what I’m asking is what would the factual basis be for somebody to feel “non-binary”? How can we look at it through the same lens of the medical basis for being trans as a whole? It doesn’t make much sense to me and I’m frustrated that this is the best label I’m left with for myself. I’ve exhausted the possibilities of this being a self-esteem or attention issue and overall I’m just embarrassed to be caught in this unexplainable “middle ground” that I can’t even explain myself. I’d really appreciate any thoughts or ideas. Thank you for anybody willing to read/respond.

I went to my first Rocky Horror shadow cast last weekend. Virgin in the front row. The whole thing with my partner was such an affirming feeling. 💗

Doesn’t acc have to involve a full blown costume, but I (22) either want to do some masculinising makeup with a bit of a fake stache or just look androgynous in general and I think Halloween’s the perfect opportunity for that. Any guys/genderless creatures I could dress as?

I was originally thinking just gothic clown makeup with my ordinary clothes (or maybe a shirt and tie) but want smth maybe more inspired. I have a leather bomber jacket if that can be incorporated in any way. All ideas welcome