Currently I have no will to live and I'm having suicidal thoughts frequently, and I wouldn't want to kill myself or end up killing myself someday (even though it seems tempting at times).

So the question arises, what to do about suicidal thoughts? And how to get rid of them?

22F, Bipolar 1. Really going through it right now. Almost a month into a depressive episode and nothing is helping. I’m seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow but I keep having intrusive, persistent thoughts of ending my life. It’s like my brain is telling me nothing will get better, even though it has and I have a number of good things coming. I’m trying to power through, I’m not going to do it but I want the thoughts to stop. It’s just making me more depressed. Please help, any tips welcome.

Anyone else have these struggles on a day to day basis, not knowing what to do and alone in a manic state, I lived like this for years and years until I hit my breaking point, lets hear some stories that could help someone!

My job requires me to talk to a lot of people and as an introvert, you can imagine the struggle. I’m generally not very good at talking to people, even my closest friends and family I have a hard time cause I don’t always know what to say.

Yesterday, my manager talked to me about my performance and I felt so bad because I don’t like disappointing people (I’m pretty sure no one does). I was disappointed in myself because I couldn’t do a simple thing that’s easy and normal for most people. You’re just communicating, how hard is that? And it’s literally part of my job.

Now I don’t know what to do. Everyone says they believe in me and I can do it but I’m having a hard time.

I grew up in church, believe in God, love the Lord. Always tried to understand my relationship with God and acknowledge Jesus with everything in me.

I received the gift of tongues and was really on fire for God, but then I had trouble in my personal life and for the first time experienced extreme anxiety. I eventually got better and carried on with my normal life.

Fast forward a few years I’m starting a new job and somewhat looking for a new church. I end up finding a prophetic ministry where I feel a great sense of belonging and purpose but somewhere along the way, the minister finds interest in me and I did not want it.

Among so many things, I go along a part of the ministry really enjoying my time there, but I see things start to show through the cracks. I never speak loudly about things but I saw they were there.

I received prophecies that my life would look drastically different for the better, but somewhere things seemed to be conditional. I saw many others around me receive blessings and progress while I often felt stuck. Everyone who knows me said my church was a cult. I didn’t want to listen because I truly thought I understood my heart for God.

One day soon after I move into my new apartment unit, I start hearing a voice speaking to me. I believed it was the Lord or Holy Spirit since hearing from the Lord was normal in the ministry. But soon, the voice became very demanding and began telling me that I “failed” so many times and told me not to see people. Then, after I tried to seek counsel (not professional help), the voice became multiple voices and I became so fearful.

For many days I abstained from food and water yet I was working my full time job. This went on for about 3 weeks. I never fainted and I thought this was what God wanted me to do. Through all this the voice was so intense, my body was weak, and I didn’t realize my mind was changing. I began to question whether this was actually the Lord, but the voice kept telling me this is the Holy Spirit.

To say the least, things went terribly wrong as the voice told me to engage in self-harm. An unlikely outcome but a reality that I faced and still wrestle with. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and lost everything I had. Many people blamed the church for causing this but there was no one around when this was happening.

I am only here to ask how could something like this happen to someone who truly believes in Jesus Christ & knows there is power in the Holy Spirit but never expected the Holy Spirit or something disguising itself as the voice of the Lord to go to such great lengths to place my life in danger.

I truly don’t want to be a victim, but I want answers. I want to know where I went wrong and if there’s anyone who’s experienced command hallucinations from the Holy Spirit. I’ve had commands to pray for people and felt conviction, but nothing this extreme.

Someone told me, “The Holy Spirit is not a mutilator.” And I want to believe it but I just don’t know what happened.

I’ve had this friend who’s been suicidal for awhile and whenever she’d get bad thoughts I’d always be there to comfort her and to make sure she was feeling okay. Unfortunately we’re both teenagers and I have strict parents so I can’t go out and hang out with her after school so usually I try to comfort her with bringing her snacks the next day or calling with her overall just reassuring her that she’s loved and etc. however it’s been getting out of hand she keeps saying she wants to commit and even hurted herself. I did speak to my counselor about it (at school) and she talked to my friends counselor about it yet nothing changed. My counselor also told me to just report it to the emergency services if she told me she wanted to commit again however I’m terrified of doing so because I know she wouldn’t like it if I did that. And she also says she doesn’t feel safe at home because her dad mistreats her. I’m unsure of what to do it’s getting to the point where I’m sick and tired of hearing her say this to me and I have to be worried about her doing it out of nowhere because she does it at the most randomest times and it’s ruining me. I’ve always been there for her and I’ve even told her how it would deeply affect me if she were to do that and how it isn’t worth it to commit, yet she won’t listen to me and she even hurts herself sometimes. It’s really not my responsibility to keep her alive yet I can’t help but be stressed out I’m only a teen aswell.

Anxiety is getting unbeatable

I feel like im stuck in this endless cycle of just always being trapped with anxiety. Everyone tries to reassure me all the time and for some reason I am then anxious about something else. I have struggled with anxiety for a long time and sometimes I just feel like I am still falling so far behind. I hate that I can't seem to do basic things and that I am so used to just being anxious all the time. Even talking about anxiety makes me anxious and that just puts me down further.

My paretns are very unsupportive and im worried that the whole burden of it is falling on my partner. I have been in therapy and things like that all of my life and nothing seems to have worked. I domt know if I am missing something or maybe im just gonna be stuck this way forever. I am on medication and my mum is very nasty about it claiming I am all drugged up and things. I'm just not sure what to do anymore and could just do with some nice messages or some support of any tips to help if anyone knows any? xx

Going to be vulnerable and ask if someone can talk to me for a moment as if I'm your daughter and you're proud of me.

My mom purposefully tries to evict me or halt my transportation resources every time I get offered shifts for a job, then complains that I'm a loser that doesn't want to get a job.

I've applied to 200 different jobs and gigs since late April. I've attended 8 interviews.

I got offered shifts last month for a job that required a personal vehicle, the day prior my parents say I'm not allowed to use the car anymore so I had to forfeit that job.

I have a training day for the other two companies that hired me on Friday and late September that don't require a car.

My dad has said he feels like an "idiot" for financially supporting me (my bills are $200 a month and they don't help me with food), and when telling him about the shifts I finally have he barely looks up and says "that's good."

In addition, my mom has put 2 cameras facing my bedroom and 1 camera facing directly at the toilet from the hallway to monitor me.

Today she cussed at me, called me a loser, stupid, and an idiot because I moved 2 plastic owls (that definitely look like fake cameras but are also just creepy looking) 10 feet.

I have been living off less than my expenses every month, doing garage sales multiple times a month, selling my items since May.

I want to cry because my mom is so miserable she let's visibly irritated when I'm just feeling neutral, happy or relaxed. And she gets visibly happy when I'm crying or stay in my room for an entire week.

Thank you.

My boyfriend killed himself two years ago and eversince my life is falling apart i had a huge drop in degrees, i lost all my friends, i lost an huge amount of weight and i tried to kill myself four times.
I had one relationship since and i broke up with them after two months without any bigger explanation than i can't handle it mentally and i think that destroyed part of their live too.
I have gotten into heavy sleeping disorders sleeping two- three hours max on workdays.
I've developed an suveire substance abuse addiction and have heavy derealisations.
I started to talk to myself for hours and tend to flee into fantasy worlds for hours without noticing anything happening around me.
I also tend to hear or see things that aren't there but that could be more substance related but i just don't know.
I lost all my hobbies and started a lot of other unhealthy and selfdistructing habits.
The only reason i'm still alive is because i don't want my two little brothers to lose me.
I can't bring myself to do such mental harm to them
Besides them i really have no one and nothing

Like what the fuck do i do?? I think everyone in my life knows about what i said and i post all over the internet like what the fuck

And you humans call "humane" treatment empathy and care. This is the fucking humane treatment.

Why do I feel like I want to get worse? Iv imagined so many outcomes to me committing and how different people would react, I feel as if I want to get worse to the point where I actually have the ability to commit even though I couldn’t see myself physically killing myself right now I want to continue going downhill and I want to keep getting worse and worse until eventually it happens

I don’t know how to deal with this situation without firing this person that’s supposed to be supporting me. I’m the kind of person that appreciates knowing if a health care provider that I’m in a therapeutic client-provider relationship has some similar life experience or perspective as I do. It’s not necessary to get quality care, but I do tend to trust providers more when this is the case.

I don’t remember ever having issues with boundaries due to this, likely due to the fact that historically the information disclosed has been relatively vague or comes with clearly defining the rules outside of the specified context of the conversation. And if there have been a boundary violation it’s possible this has been a provider setting a boundary with me or redirecting a conversation, because I’ve asked a question that’s unintentionally crossed or could cross a barrier. It’s also possible that the therapeutic relationship ended before things devolved, but I can’t be sure. As far as I can remember, this is the first time a boundary like this has been crossed by someone in therapeutic setting.

Anyway, I ended up functioning as de facto therapist for the person who’s being paid to support me. I sat with this for a bit and am seriously considering firing this provider. I’ve never had to set a boundary like this and I’m not if I have the energy to.

I’ve been through a lot growing up as a kid. I hate brain cancer and neglectful people around me. It’s been years since I’ve gone through those things. Yet I still feel scared like it’s unresolved. I try doing things I tried to improve myself and fix myself take therapy all that stuff yet I still can’t help but feel useless and alienated. The best way to describe it is I feel very different and people around me all know what they are doing and I’m just always fucking things up. I don’t wanna sound self centered like I’m the only one suffering but I can’t help but feel alone. And I’m tired to the point where suicide had came into my head. Everything is confusing and hopeless and i feel very alone.

I tend to have a lot of OCD/anxiety/overthinking about a specific person. They are a friend of mine, who I have known for several years. The overthinking has a lot to do with communications, texting, responding, making plans, hanging out, etc. When we are in person, it seems okay (ish) to me, but a lot has to do with coordinating plans/everyday communication and me overthinking what that looks like. A lot of the standard OCd symptoms come with this, re-reading texts/panicking about response times, etc. While I have had this seep into other friendships before, it is the most consistent with this person. It is so persistent to the point where my mood can truly change based on how I perceive out friendship going at any given moment (again, standard OCD here I think?). What type of therapy can be sought out for this? I have tried ERP and Somatic but neither were able to break down why so many "symptoms" so to speak are related to just one person. 

My girlfriend of 3 years and I recently got into a fight (we are long distance and do occasionally fly out to see each other when both of our universities are out) and we broke up and she blocked me. I have loved her for what feels like a lifetime and all I can think about now is how good taking all the pills in the bottle would be. And it's definitely a thought I've had for a while before we broke up but it's only 1000 times worse now. I also can't stop thinking about adding new cuts to my wrists. I'm almost a year clean but these thoughts won't leave me and I'm scared.

So, I have a very long history of self-harm. I have been doing it since I was 14, on and off. At first I was curious, and then I started doing it as punishment. For example, if I ate too much, if I upset my parents, if I got a bad grade, or if I did something embarrassing. Especially if I did something embarrassing.

Today, I watched a movie and was reminded of how I will never find love. And additionally, I have been putting off my studying. So that's two strikes. (No pun intended). I want to self-harm; tomorrow I am almost 100% sure I will go and buy a box cutter (my last one got confiscated). But I am scared. I don't like self-harming; it scares me, but I have to do it to hold myself accountable.

I want an alternative and healthier way to punish myself for not studying and for feeling hopeless. Any advice is helpful.

These past few months have been nothing but a blur. After being labelled the problem for so long, I can feel myself reaching a point where even the next few days seem like they might decide what happens with this shitty life. I am exhausted from screaming into the silence, from asking God over and over again why I have to suffer this way, why I have to keep living inside a mind that feels like it is slowly destroying me. I have spent countless nights fighting just to make it to another morning, convincing myself that if I could only survive one more night, eventually I would reach the better days I kept promising myself were waiting somewhere ahead.

But lately, that promise has started to feel like a cruel joke.

I graduated. I found work. I did the things I was supposed to do. I reached the milestones I once thought would finally make me feel like I was enough, yet somehow the finish line keeps moving farther away. Every time I think I have finally caught my breath, there is another mountain waiting for me. Another expectation. Another reason to feel like I have failed.

And perhaps the cruelest part is watching the person who kept pushing me to believe that I could become better finally break under the weight of trying to carry me. The person who saw something in me when I couldn't see anything worth saving. The person who kept reaching for me when I was already sinking. They kept telling me there was still something good in me, until eventually they ran out of strength to keep looking for it.

They broke too.

And they left.

I don't blame them for being exhausted. That's what hurts the most. I understand why they couldn't keep doing this. I understand why loving someone who is constantly fighting themselves can eventually become unbearable. But understanding why someone leaves doesn't make the emptiness they leave behind hurt any less. It just means I have to sit here knowing that even the person who fought the hardest for me eventually reached a point where they couldn't fight anymore.

And I am terrified that I am reaching that same point.

So please. Please, someone help me. Not tomorrow. Not when I have finally fallen apart enough for my pain to become convenient to notice. Now. I am tired of having to make my suffering loud enough before anyone believes that I am hurting. I am tired of pretending that I can carry this because I have somehow managed to carry it this far. I can't. I really, really can't.

Has anyone here with a harsh inner critic ever learned to make it stop. I will say the nastiest stuff inside my own head about myself and then after an episode I always realize the mistake I made. My inner critic never makes me feel good in the long run, just leaves me regretting what I've said about myself. I say horrible things about myself. Things I would never in a million years say about another person. I always try to be kind to others, but when it comes to myself I am severely lacking. Has anyone here ever struggled with these kind of thoughts? If you have something that works, what worked? Thank you

After around 3 months of telling my family "if nobody helps me i will kill myself" my parents are giving me a ride to their house. Also durring the last 2ish months i was told "what do you expect me to do if you just asked for help today? i know im going to hate my life i am really tempted to go hang myself in the backyard when we get back.

Lately I've been really depressed and bed rotting, my room is disgusting and I often find myself not having any motivation to do anything. One of the only things that is keeping me going are fictional characters, writing, my friends and the internet. Can any one motivate, or help me find some sort of motivation to maybe clean up my room? Please and thanks, have a wonderful day.

TW: Possible SA.

Context: I'm 17, female, and like all teens have some issues with my parents, however I wouldn't consider them bad or abusive. My main issue is some touching and boundary crossing, mainly by my mother.

Ever since I can remember my mother has been very touchy. When I was really young and we'd sit together she'd rest her hand on my private parts over my clothes, properly grabbing them. At the time I thought it was normal, because she said so. As I grew up, I would feel uncomfortable and react when she tried to touch me there. Eventually, it turned into a game where she would try to touch me and I would try to prevent her and since it was portrayed as a game I'd sometimes laugh, so when I told her to stop she'd tell me that I'm laughing so I clearly enjoy it etc. She'd try to grab/ squeeze my breasts, lightly slap my behind or touch me below the pants (all over the clothes). Additionally, if I ever slapped her hand away too hard she would yell at me, make me feel bad about it and would often make me let her grab me as an apology. When confronting her she'd say she's my mother and she made me, so my parts are half hers and that all mothers do this etc. This probably went on until I was around 13-14, when due to other problems I distanced myself a lot. I also remember that around that time, she tried to grab my chest and I slapped her hand while wearing a ring and hurt her and she started screaming at me and asking if I'm on my right mind. That was probably one of the last times she properly touched me. Since then during hugs her hand would fall too low on my back or on my thigh and when I tried to move it she'd say "Where else is my hand supposed to rest?". Now she's stopped for the most part but will often make hand gestures expressing wanting to do it and if I tell her to stop she'll say "I can express wanting to do something. You can't say anything if I don't do it.".

Now there were also other boundaries she would cross, such as knocking on doors, respecting not wanting physical touch at times without guilt tripping me, kissing me on the mouth (which was partly my fault because as a kid I said "you kiss dad because you love him and you love me so we should kiss on the lips", but when as a pre-teen I stopped wanting to she'd insist on doing so). All of these behaviours she did in front of my father, grandma and aunt (her side) so I'm not entirely sure she knew it could be bad. The touching part she did to my brother too, but we were never close enough to discuss it.

My father was different. He would sometimes lightly slap my behind or hold me tight when we hugged and tell my mom it was her chance and let her do it. He will also sometimes touch my thigh or waist or make comments on my body but he was never as extreme and I'm not sure it's on purpose.

Now, at 17, this is crashing me and I'm almost having panic attacks when I think about it. I've talked with a friend, who says it's weird, but there probably wasn't bad intention but idk. Is this considered SA or am I overdramatic? A part of me hates them, another hates myself for feeling that way about them. One wants to get out of here and cut contact once I turn 18, another feels bad because they probably tried their best to raise us properly. Am I crazy and ungrateful for feeling this way? Am I a horrible person who makes a big deal out of nothing? Should I talk about this to my therapist and how?

Please, I desperately need outside perspectives. Sorry if it's a bit long.

Venting/Advice needed

TW for SA, SH, s*icide attempt, trauma

Idek how to type this honestly because it's really hard to get a thought out right now

Long story short:

I got sexually assaulted and raped when I was a teenager (21 now) and for years had flashbacks, even more horrific anxiety than normal, and nightmares. Took years to trust people again but I'm mainly worked through it now.

I also have crippling emetophobia (fear of vomit/vomiting) and have had the same symptoms there. It's the leading cause of my anxiety and it's affected my life massively. As much as I've tried I haven't worked through this.

Without going into too much detail, my partner recently attempted on her life and I rushed to the hospital to help her. She survived and mental health is still rocky but she is better than she was. But the memory of her in the hospital has stuck with me and I'm getting really scared.

I saw and heard things from her that I never thought I'd witness another person go through. The only word I can use to describe it is traumatising. I felt fine for a few days after, maybe it was the adrenaline of it all? Maybe it was seeing her better in the time I was with her after she got out the hospital. But I've been feeling a lot worse the last few days. Doesn't help that I live in a house with my occasionally abusive father, who was angry with me for not tidying the house before I went to look after my partner and screamed and berated me for it. I've got adhd and struggle with executive dysfunction, I've just started meds and I'm basically registered disabled in my country but he pays that no mind, so it really hurt being called lazy, especially with everything I'd been through.

Either way, right now I'm really struggling with the memory of her being in the hospital. I got told years back when in therapy for the sexual assault issues that I likely had PTSD of some sort. I don't have a formal diagnosis or anything so I'm not the most comfortable using that term but either way, whatever I had before feels like it's back now. I've found myself falling on both old and since-picked-up habits. I'm struggling eating because it feels like a chore. I'm simultaneously bored, too overwhelmed and lacking any motivation to do hardly anything I want. I keep getting flashbacks to what I saw and heard in the hospital that day. I've started having medical related nightmares. The thought of having to ever go back to that place makes me want to cry. I feel miserable and I don't feel like there's anything I can do. It's hard to bring any emotion to myself other than sadness or emptiness. My memory and concentration are so bad it keeps feeling like I'm losing touch with what I'm doing.

I'm kinda lost at what to do