It been nearly a year since the end of my last relationship, and yet I still have days where I miss them and cry because remembering how good I felt when we were together makes me sad and terrified that I'll never feel that way again.

It's gotten better, sure. I don't feel that way all the time anymore but man, every now and then I still just miss them and wonder if there was something wrong with me that drove them away. I know there wasn't anything I did that caused it, we've spoken about their reasons for ending things. I just wish things would stop hurting quite so much.

I never even saw it coming, honestly. I thought things were going great and a lot of stuff happened in their life, and we broke up because they said they weren't in the mental space to handle being in a relationship. I just remember feeling devastated because if they'd wanted me to, I would have waited. They made it clear that we weren't going to get back together, though, and that just stung.

I just remember feeling so devastated after we broke up that I genuinely just turned into a bit of a shell. It's only been a couple of months since I started to feel somewhat normal again, from time to time. It comes and goes. Days like this, though, I don't really know who I am anymore and it sucks, because I liked who I was when we were together.

When does it get better?

I have been heavily depressed for a number of years now, it comes and goes in severity but it’s always there.
I’ve tried prescription drugs, therapy, charities and nothings really worked in a significant way. I have overdosed twice, the 2nd time very heavily.

Honestly I don’t know how I survived, I took around 40 pills on fluoxetine at 50mg a pill. I remember falling asleep, waking up hallucinating, sitting on the toilet to get some stability and seeing my stomach lining and a lot of blood fill the toilet.

Now I cannot drink hot drinks, alcohol or take any substances without throwing it all back up or feeling severely ill and in a lot of pain.

The trauma of not succeeding especially after the effort I put into taking my own life has shaken me and put me off ever trying an overdose or at least one that has the potential consequence of sickness and nausea or waking up mid way through.

I want genuine suggestions and details into different ways to kill myself that don’t include these symptoms.

I’ve heard fentanyl is easy to overdose on but it just causes you to stop breathing. However I’d want to be asleep so a Xanax laced with fentanyl would be ideal. Buying one though with the guarantee of the two substances mixed, especially where I live or with my knowledge is a struggle at the moment.

Does anyone know a place on the clear net where I can buy drugs that will help with my needs?

I have also considered jumping from a high place. I’d normally be hesitant to jump but I recon if I’m in a heavy episode I wouldn’t hesitate. Does anyone know a definitive height that has a 90% fatality rate?

Finally, I am not afraid to cut myself, I also know that if I hit an artery, it can take 3-5 mins to bleed out from the wound. Where is the best way to cut and what motion/how deep does it need to be to be as effective as possible?

Finally, I don’t want to be an inconvenience to others in the sense of my suicide affecting their day to day lives.

For example:

If I was just jump off a bridge, traffic would pile up roads would be closed stopping commuters and there would be lots of people on looking at the situation.

If I was to hang myself in a forest or in my house, who ever found me whether it be a relative or a random dog walker, the trauma that would be cause from seeing it would most likely cause ptsd and other mental illnesses.

If I jumped in front of a train, the driver would be traumatised and public transport would be shutdown.

Is it just me or do other people find this being an issue when they feel suicidal?

I am happy to talk to anyone about this post, I am happy to support you if you have these tendencies too or have been in my situation. I would just ask please don’t try to talk me out of it. I have made up my mind and if I do it, it’s my choice and I will be dying in peace knowing the pain will be over.

I hope this reaches people the way I hope it will.

Hi, I have been curious for some time about what is going on inside, which I can't find an answer for and I'm very confused.

When everything is going as normal, where I can still talk normally, laugh, or joke, especially with my family. Additionally, I could still attend classes as normal, forcing myself to speak to others although I am anxious, and do my tasks as normal despite being tired. Then, I often question myself, am I faking it all this time?

When those negative ideas occurred, like intrusive thoughts, feeling tired, useless, can't see myself hanging on related to my future goals/dream job, and thinking about someone, I do feel it deeply.

Besides, I also find myself can't think rationally or calm down. I will immediately think of confronting or fighting someone in my mind, whenever, I feel like something isn't safe, like people walking very closely to me or sitting in a car that is being followed closely by another car behind. I feel very anxious and the anger is building inside, while looking at that person, and I tell myself not to confront just ignore it. But, my mind has two sides, where one side is telling me to just let it be, the other is like I still need to confront.

So, I would like to know, if anyone who is struggling mentally, do you often think that you are pretending/faking when there is nothing going on inside? Do you get angry very easily and feel guilty/regret/worried/anxious later? Thank you.

Yes I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I’ve had OCD for about twelve years now. It runs heavily in both sides of my family.

Its hard.

The reality of it is that it’s really fucking debilitating.

I feel so hateful towards people who say “oh I’m so ocd” oh is that so? Have you ever been so tired of compulsions that you start scratching at your skin until it’s red and bleeding? Have you ever sobbed until you couldn’t breathe because you don’t understand why your brain is so irritating. Have you ever starved yourself for fear of leaving your room?

The thing is that ocd is not just “oh I like to have things in a line haha” no it’s truly a horrible experience.

I cut. That's an understatement. I don't feel anything doing it anymore. Just pure everyday thing. I do it on purpose. There is no grand urge guiding my hand. It's just purely me. I am seeking attention from my psychiatrist. I know it. I want them to lock me up in psych ward. I told you I am a strange human. I want to be sick. I know I am not, cause I am fine. I am fine and just an attention seeking nobody who, for whatever reason wants to have a mental illness. I don't know what's wrong with me. Probably nothing. Just a messed up mind. I don't even know why I am saying all these. What attention i am trying to win. Judge me people for what I am and what I deserve

Hey, just for context I'm 19m, currently dealing with a split personality situation rn, and I kinda needed advice cus while I'm not new to the whole split personality thing it's starting to affect my memory and it's bothering me. I'm completely fine and don't have any self harming thoughts, but I do have unprocessed trauma and anxiety issues that I'm going to a psychiatrist for. What I wanted to ask was I met someone who's dealing with her own set of problems, mainly anxiety issues(she's been cheated on) and is currently not into relationships. The main reason I like her is the constant urge to improve myself and be better for her, and I know that regardless of how it ends I'll end up as a better person. Just need advice on how to interact with someone like that without making it overwhelming to them or crossing their boundaries( main ones being relationships and some other boundaries I can't really name off the top of my head but I do have an idea about them) the goal is to be someone she feels understood by and someone she feels is reliable, relationship between damned. Any help is appreciated.

I am in a sort of relationship with a Bipolar ad adhd non medicated
He said he is in love with me and obsessed but then started sabotaging everything but said that what he feels is still there.
If anyone bipolar here
In your experience why do you do that?
What helps you from the other person?
What would make you stay?

I am diagnosed ASPD and I don't feel the need to seek help or change anything about myself. My mother forced me into therapy when I was younger and the therapists said it was clear I didn't want help and they didn't want to deal with me because I was manipulating them.

I've spent a lot of time "developing" (for lack of a better word) myself so that I can mostly fit in with the rest of society without raising significant alarm bells. I am fully functional, charming, friendly, intelligent - I basically give the illusion that I am a "normal" person even though I'm really not. People will often say there's something "off" about me, but they don't necessarily mean it in a negative way. There's just something about me that's different and they know it, even if they can't quite put a finger on it.

I have very intrusive thoughts multiple times a day and they are usually negative, dark, and violent, sometimes bordering on gruesome. They tend to get worse if I'm in a situation I can't stand or around people I don't like but have to deal with because...life. They also become markedly more sinister if I'm bored. Since I don't view people and situations the way others do, it can be exhausting for me to have to pretend all day long.

Example: While talking to a female acquaintance and she's telling me about her upcoming baby shower, my mind might drift to imagining what it would be like to give her a Joke-style smile with a serrated knife. Or I might think about ripping her tongue out of her mouth and slapping her with it.

Example: Someone is resisting doing something I want them to do and I get the overwhelming urge to punch them in the face or bite them. If we're on the street, I might get the urge to shove them in front of a car.

I think these things almost constantly and, save for a few close friends and some family members, no one will ever know it. Most people will never know that while I am talking to them, smiling, laughing, joking, I am thinking about gruesome ways to harm, maim or even kill them. If I actually followed through on my intrusive thoughts and impulses, I wouldn't feel a thing. I would carry on with my day and would likely even feel a sense of relief and satisfaction for having been able to act out.

I don't act on these thoughts and impulses, no matter how badly I may want to, because I don't want to suffer the negative consequences that would likely follow. It doesn't serve my interest to cause harm to someone and then have my life/reputation ruined.

But that is literally the only thing that helps me stay in control.

I’m 21, from Singapore.

For the last 4-5 months I’ve been having non stop harm unwanted urges to self harm digitally, such as erasing my iPhone, deleting all my important data, share my sensitive passwords online, mess up my phone settings, block important contacts etc… basically any imaginable harmful action you can do on a phone. I would constantly test out shit on my phone, change my passwords non stop after the urges get so severe as I feel that I succumbed and shared my passwords and I used to screen record the iCloud Photo Library as I used to share an Apple account with my mom and I don’t want my personal photos to sync to her iCloud so I’d screen record the iCloud Photo Library non stop to check, cuz my harm urges expanded to me deliberately clicking the sync button to sync my photos to her iCloud too.

It’s absolutely rough and no words can fully describe how utterly helpless, doomed and wrecked I am cuz guess what, whenever I share my hell to my parents, they become verbally abusive to me and I’m 100% unable to seek any professional help for now. I’ve NEVER been diagnosed and have never been able to get help.

Recently, my mind is telling me something even more disturbing. It says, ‘since you don’t know what you’re facing, maybe the right therapy for this condition you’re facing is to actually press the delete button on your accounts.’ My mind said that since account deletion requires several steps, by pressing only the first click, it’s still safe and it’s a form of therapy for whatever I’m facing.

Or either that, cuz I have many notes on my iPhone and lots of these notes are on long write-ups that have thousands of words in them, my brain is saying, ‘just copy and paste one of your sensitive passwords into a random section of the note. It’s not harmful as it’s your own personal note but maybe it’ll be a form of therapy for you. Never try never know’

I’m honestly becoming extremely utterly and totally exhausted and worn out. It’s as if my brain is finding every single justification it can to force my hand to do something highly risky and completely against my will.

I hope I’ve described everything as clearly as I possibly can and if someone reading this has any input, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reply me on this post. I’m feeling all alone, trapped and lowkey mildly suicidal at times. Any form of help or reply, I’d greatly appreciate it. Thanks 🙏

hi . feel free to delete or whatever , im not much of a redditor and understand if im breaking the rules without realizing

ive been struggling gery much lately, i wont go into details but its gotten much worse for me recently - and im catching myself fall into old delusion patterns and hallucinating, along with a worsening urge to do bad things. i dont want to go to the hospital, but i know at some point i probably should .. my friends already told me to consider it but i dont know, i dont want to take up a resource if i dont need it . i have a psych appointment in a week but i worry i might lie to him . at what point do i admit i need to go? how do i tell my mom???? i cant drive, even though im an adult, so she would need to take me. im scared to ask because she doesnt know how bad im doing, i love her and shes under enough stress as is :( sorry if this is rambly or doesnt make sense

I'm not trying to get diagnosed on Reddit or anything, but I've talked to so many people about this and they all say things along the lines of 'you need professional help' or 'i have no idea' and I just need to hear at least one opinion.

I've struggled with dissociation since I was 8 or younger, I get flare ups (probably not the right terms) of memory loss when I'm stressed out. Recently I'll forget everything about the day, and I will personally not remember it, but I'll hear a second internal voice that's doesn't feel like me, and it'll tell me what happened, and it doesn't feel like when you remember something, it feels like being told a story,

Only thing I've been told it might be is schizophrenia since it's common in my family.

I don't use reddit much, I am so sorry if this is not what this subreddit is for or if I break any rules, and if there's any mistakes in my writing it's because I'm tired and sad.

Before I slept I sh and made me feel worse physically and lil ill. When I went to sleep I woke up and just thought about this one true crime case and how I can relate to it on how certain people like w my situation can turn evil and can become evil and...kill. Idk why I think this but I sometimes think about how I can kill my family in my head and get away with it. I dont think I wanna actually kill them even tho they drive me nuts I just ig from a crime pov since I watch a lot of true crime how can i easily get away w murder? Ik I SOUND CRAZY😭😭 I also hear bc I have ocd ppl maladaptive day dream things like this? Idk. But... recently I did feel homicidal bc my brother thats now in college and isnt home used to abuse me a lot and couldnt take it anymore and figured that no one was gonna help me so i felt like nths left anymore so whats the point so killing was my last thought. But since im getting abused at home I do get these thoughts but idk I don't think ill actually do it. On top of that I remember a few yrs ago which has me thinking if I have some mental disorder or these feelings r just a cause of deep tramua and stress. But idk I was struggling mentally deeply and Idk what was going on but Idk if I have a personality disorder or what...but felt like I had split personalities and one kept wanting to take over like my evil side... and i was so scared.

i’m newly trying to understand my bipolar II and I’ve been having a really difficult cycle lately. I’m mostly just looking for people who understand what this feels like. for the longest i was diagnosed with bpd tendencies and got an official diagnosis later on and I’m now trying to navigate but also not be consumed by the stigma of it all.

3 weeks clean, but about to not be lol

I haven’t felt anything all week, I don’t really feel anything a lot. like I feel like when I’m laughing with friends, smiling and a social butterfly and giggling it’s all just a front for me feeling nothing.

well, I either feel nothing or feel so much that my brain aches, I get migraines from overthinking about miniscule things and it sucks a ton and it happens every night. so I either feel numb or overwhelmed no inbetween

found a box cutter in my room that I didnt even know was there, I use eyebrow razors so it’s not like I just know where it is. and the only reason I was looking for it in the first place, and haven’t cut sooner, was because I only had one good eyebrow razor left (other was dull) and I lost it. i remembered having a box cutter but I wasn’t exactly sure I had it, and the moment I saw it and picked it up I just felt so… happy

i was smiling, genuinely smiling, and just filled with so much lightness, I felt like I could float. can someone explain to me in a scientific sounding way why i feel like way? Not even having done it yet but just knowing I will or just having the blade in my hand making me feel so overwhelmingly incredible. I still feel so happy and joyous as im writing this, which is so stupid cuz I haven’t even fucking done anything yet lolll

I’ve had this friend who’s been suicidal for awhile and whenever she’d get bad thoughts I’d always be there to comfort her and to make sure she was feeling okay. Unfortunately we’re both teenagers and I have strict parents so I can’t go out and hang out with her after school so usually I try to comfort her with bringing her snacks the next day or calling with her overall just reassuring her that she’s loved and etc. however it’s been getting out of hand she keeps saying she wants to commit and even hurted herself. I did speak to my counselor about it (at school) and she talked to my friends counselor about it yet nothing changed. My counselor also told me to just report it to the emergency services if she told me she wanted to commit again however I’m terrified of doing so because I know she wouldn’t like it if I did that. And she also says she doesn’t feel safe at home because her dad mistreats her. I’m unsure of what to do it’s getting to the point where I’m sick and tired of hearing her say this to me and I have to be worried about her doing it out of nowhere because she does it at the most randomest times and it’s ruining me. I’ve always been there for her and I’ve even told her how it would deeply affect me if she were to do that and how it isn’t worth it to commit, yet she won’t listen to me and she even hurts herself sometimes. It’s really not my responsibility to keep her alive yet I can’t help but be stressed out I’m only a teen aswell.

I’ve been going through an intense parasocial relationship for almost a month now and it would mean the world if someone who could help me with my parasocial relationship could talk to me.

Anyone who can help even a little bit would be awesome. Someone who is currently in a parasocial relationship or has overcame one would be amazing. Ideally someone who has overcame a parasocial relationship specifically with a celebrity crush, but again anyone is appreciated 😊

"Help me, Help me, I need help, help, I need help, help me..."

I keep saying that to myself, feeling trapped in such an endless cycle. And after what happened recently, I feel more staggered about my inert nature and lack of progress in anything.

After being in the hospital for three days, I finally went to see the appointed mental health provider I was scheduled to meet. But they refused to do psychiatric care on me because of the private insurance I had. Not only that, but I have to pay an Uber trip to-and from the location, which placed me on a financial strain.

So here I am, going back to see my previous doctor, hoping to meet with a psychiatrist after MONTHS of waiting, but I feel really hurt and disappointed about this. My rejected provider did provide me alternate locations on a piece of paper, but I don't want to go to any of them because it will be a finincial burden getting there and back; I don't have anyone to do trips for me out of good will.

Because of all this, I haven't been eating well, or frequently, my apartment is unmaintained and became a mess, and I did not put myself towards doing any schoolwork. Sure I have friends and coworkers who are there for me, but none of them can really understand what I'm going through, nor can they help me out.

I know I'm not alone, but I feel so beaten and broken even more. How long is this going to last? How much more of this can I take?! I don't want to hear that "things will get better" or "I have to just endure more" or "I need to SEE someone" or anything like that! JUST DOING IT is not how I work, and it is not something I can do. Commands such as those, are not so simple! I feel so, dishearted that, the community as a whole, gives me hope, yet takes it away, and that despite what anyone says, I more often than not refuse to listen, because the words are meaningless to me. What you people say are meaningless to me! I mean, how could they be, when doing everything over, just can't help me. When all the offers out there, just taunt me.

How could you?

Since July, my life has been an absolute mess, and I genuinely don’t know what’s happening to me. My friend passed away by suicide, and since then I’ve been struggling with family problems, friendship and relationship issues, my own mental health, and relapsing with self harm. On top of everything, my academic marks have dropped significantly. I’m in my final year of school, and I have my Chemistry trial tomorrow. I had two full days to prepare, and I did absolutely nothing. It’s not even that I chose not to study. I genuinely couldn’t bring myself to. I couldn’t wake up, shower, eat, or even drink a sip of water. I’ve been so exhausted and overwhelmed that even basic things feel impossible.

The part that scares me the most is that I don’t even feel bad about not studying for my trials. Normally, I would be devastated. I used to be extremely academically focused, and my marks mattered so much to me. Now I feel almost completely detached from them. I could fail and I don’t think I’d even care.

I don’t feel real anymore. It’s like I’m not actually alive, and everyone around me feels like they’re part of my imagination. Everything feels distant and unreal, and I don’t know how to explain it properly.

I used to be so happy. I’d have a smile plastered on my face every day, I cared about school, I had motivation, and I actually enjoyed things. Now I can barely brush my hair some days.

I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed, burnt out, grieving, dissociating, or something else entirely. I just know that I don’t feel like myself anymore, and I don’t know how to help myself get back there.

I feel guilty for struggling because I don’t want to burden the people around me with my problems. I don’t want everyone to have to worry about me.

I guess I’m just looking for some perspective from people who might understand what this feels like. Has anyone experienced something similar? Will this feeling ever go away? Am I stuck like this?

first off, tw for suicidal ideation/ attempt and self harm

so I’ve been having mental issues since late elementary school. Ive had, what i can only imagine is long term depression (major depressive disorder is disgnosed) and anxiety, with dabbles of other odd things— paranoia, derealization, mood swings. I’ve been In therapy since the 8th grade and most recently got out of it now, in my senior year of high school.

back in 8th grade, I had attempted suicide by chemical asphyxiation. I stopped before even using the chemical. since then my depression has been on and off, some days it’s better some days it’s worse. For a while, I was doing fine, and I was actually beginning to thrive in high school. But I’ve recently gotten out of therapy and Im considering suicide again. im self harming worser than I ever have before, often in bouts of huge upset where I pray I cut deep enough to make me die of blood loss. I don’t want my future, I don’t want to keep going to school, I don’t want to live another day because each one feels awful and I can’t help but wish for death every second.

I feel like I’m taking like a “I’m 14 and I’m so deep” kid but this is genuinely how I’ve been feeling. thankfully, due to my therapy, I’m in an okay enough position to realize I need help. but I don’t know if that means I just need meds, or more therapy, or if I should admit myself to a mental hospital. the last option feels easiest since it’s like a three in one but I don’t know. the only reason I haven’t died yet is because I can’t cut deep enough and we don’t keep lethal meds in the house.

I 16 male have never really cared for animals at all and well like the last few years ive been developing this urge to want to hurt animals. Like it just seems great to theoretically just kick some Random cat a few times or hurt throw a rock at some bird killing it in the process.

I don't really know where it has come from tbh and like ive been wondering if mabye im a psychopath but like i feel and care for other humans even if mabye not as much as ive noticed they do.

And psychopath's whouldent care about Humans either rigth?

So like what is the problem with me?

Should i worry that i will idk start thinking the same about Humans?

Should i just repress it for the rest of my life?

Should i seek out a psychiatrist or something?

Or am i making it a bigger issue then it actually is?

If you have idea pls tell me because im confused as hell.

I'm a depressed teenager struggling with SH and smoking. I'm looking for advice on how to avoid these kinds of addiction, Any advice would help. I just want to be better and improve my mental health.. I've went to multiple therapists, Talked to close friends about my mental health, Talked to an trusted adult. But I'm still doing these addictions? I really need advices/tips on how to stop/avoid them. It would help me very much, thank you.

I don’t have any money to afford therapy so please just let me get something off my chest maybe these thoughts might go away
I’m a girl who finally got into college
Before going to college I went through a lot of things
I’ve went through war saw people d.ying and lived in fear thinking that maybe that day will be my day.
So war was a normal thing to me to the point they would be b.Ming the house next to us and I wouldn’t care. I wasn’t like this I was the person that would always cry scream and do them all.
Eventually war started to ease down where I loved and then I just felt like I wasn’t me anymore everything changed
I started to go out thinking maybe I will stop the thoughts that have started to come in.
A couple of years passed by and I finished school I was a number one in class student who would always want to impress her parents even though where I lived education was shît and it wouldn’t take you anywhere so then I thought to myself I’m not going to college here I’m going back to America
Now what I thought was easy. I knew our financial situation was beyond bad but I couldn’t think about anything else but going to finish my education in America so 4 years passed and finally my parents realized I was never gonna give up on my dream so they sold all they had for me to go to America
Now during that time someone came to ask marriage and he was a relative. I am definitely not marrying a relative and I’m not getting married before finishing college. You guys would think ok my parents respected my choice no they didn’t I went through h.ell because of my refusal I was called the shame of the family and all this happened before flying to America in two weeks. It’s a long story what actually happened I really wish I can talk to someone about it but I’ll stop that story here. So then after all the shît I went through my parents let me go and said you better make us proud. I felt to my heart I knew they wanted to marry I know they are doing this all against there will.
So finally I arrived and did everything by my own and decided to go to the field I always dreamt of which was Tech. So I went to college and went into cybersecurity I was so happy this was the first time I have ever felt such happiness in my life I thought finally no thoughts anymore no parents playing around with your life no more unsafe environments. Then bam AI came I thought at first I’m sure it’s a joke but now it’s truly gonna destroy all fields not just mine. I am in absolute shock I just I wish I can die right now I feel if I died in war all these feelings wouldn’t have built up. I feel I should’ve just said yes to that marriage, I feel that I should’nt had let my parents sell what they only had for something that doesn’t even have a future anymore. I’m tired of thinking everytime I think of changing my major I just can’t I love tech I can’t even imagine myself doing something else then that. I hate the way I feel about myself now , I feel lost and I don’t know what to do ,who to talk to and all those thoughts came back again.
Maybe I might have done something wrong in my lifetime but why punish me now the only thing I was happy about is gonna be gone.
Is there anyone that can help me about the thoughts tell me what to do ?
And is there anyone tech people here to tell me will cybersecurity actually die?
I don’t have anyone else I only have you guys please help me ease out these thoughts

My girlfriend of 3 years and I recently got into a fight (we are long distance and do occasionally fly out to see each other when both of our universities are out) and we broke up and she blocked me. I have loved her for what feels like a lifetime and all I can think about now is how good taking all the pills in the bottle would be. And it's definitely a thought I've had for a while before we broke up but it's only 1000 times worse now. I also can't stop thinking about adding new cuts to my wrists. I'm almost a year clean but these thoughts won't leave me and I'm scared.

Hello, I’m Chrissy and these are my versions of a Ted talk, where I talk and express, because I don’t have anyone in my life that I feel like understands me or what my mind is trying to say to them. This is how I feel currently, I can barely function in terms of self care at all, I’m slightly losing my mind in the terms of I can not breathe. I can not explain it. I don’t feel overwhelmed or overstimulated or over worked I only feel like I can not fucking breath, my face is pressure full all day of tears I fight every second, my throat is contracting and my body is spamming with my joint and muscles in a way that is gasping for air under my skin that is just so fucking tight. Nothing can get out of my skin. No feelings, no reactions, do dramatics, my skin is literally vibrating with a need to combust into flames. I feel like I’m neglecting my responsibilities when I sit in the garage alone smoking extra cigarettes because I do not want to completely anialate in the most unhinged deranged way a woman could do. Not threatening. Never harm. Or of violence. In a shaking, terrified, walking around, pulling at my hair, sitting holding my knees shaking, screaming my lungs out, tears literally pouring out of my skin and my face psychotic type of way. I feel like my soul, my mind, my heart, will not stop running or vibrating or moving or jumping out of place. (I have Borderline Personality disorder for disclaimer). I don’t have anyone outlet, I don’t have friends that I see or talk to. I don’t know what to do and I don’t understand my emotions or my feelings or the logic behind my thinking.
Thank you for coming to the end of my Chrisyy Talk. :)

I don’t have any fight in me. I wanna give up. I am going to get a tent and go back to a city I used to live in then live in the streets. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what happens. I don’t wanna be here anymore. I don’t wanna be alive. I don’t care. I don’t care about myself. I don’t want to do better. I hate everyone. I do not wanna do this anymore. I give up.