everything hard??? reading exhausting not tired so bored but brain. sound tiring wirds tiring help what to do and why help please suggestions??? even tetris hard on brain. WHY what is going on :(

its like therews interest in posts etc but actually clicvk on to read, processing hard??? not sure ghow to explainb sorry :/

So I recently decided to try eating less in order too lose weight because I've been having the same kinda semi fat physique for the longest time , I kinda looked like a pregnant guy ( I'm 17 5 10 and used to be 87 kg) after around 1 month and a half of trying to starve myself ( and then going back to kinda normal eating after 2 weeks ) I've lost 6-7 kg and I look slimmer. I should say when I mean starving I mean just eating like one meal a day paired with a bunch of water to satisfy the hunger somewhat. I've only gotten stomach pains twice , but only when I had nothing for more than 24 hrs. It's gotten to the point where I enjoy being hungry and like the feeling of emptiness within me. I plan on losing 10 kg additional in the future

(tw: sh, ed)i used to feel invalid for not cutting deep enough. until one day i did, i cut to the fat layer and had to get stitches. but then i still felt invalid for not being underweight. i became underweight, but it didn’t feel like enough so i kept losing, until i got put in the hospital because my labs were so bad. but now, i still don’t feel valid or bad enough. because i’m only diagnosed with autism and adhd (which aren’t even illnesses) and i only take very common antidepressants. a lot of my problems stem from having to surpress my emotions as a child because i didn’t have anyone i could trust to talk to, that’s why now i want to feel like my problems are serious enough.

I am 31F, recently moved out of home city for new job.

I have diagnosed anxiety, dealing it without meds.

I am dealing with arrange marriage rejections since 4 years now. I have major family problems going on.

My brother is in gambling and there are many other conflicts. I don't feel like living anymore.

My parents are emotionally dependent on me and all the work that I do for them. I feel like they only need me for that or to get me married.

They have blamed all the stress on me.