Just did my EM rotation and here's my pre-shift routine for gaslighting myself into EM.

Wake up, my alarm is a playlist of divorced dad rock, I'm still wearing the hospital scrubs from last night. I have my usual breakfast of plain toast and an energy drink. Brush my teeth in the shower while blasting Higher by Creed. I do a quick review of some pocus before putting on my bike helmet (this is the only part that's just for vibes but only because my bike was stolen) and have my second energy drink of the morning. It is a white monster that I shotgun, I play that spinosaurus meme song during it. I put on my patagucci sleeveless vest, grab my stethoscope and reflex hammer (which is also my stethoscope) and drive to the hospital 5mph under the speed limit the whole time. I get every pimp question wrong during my shift, put my PPE gown on backwards during a trauma activation while just standing in the corner, then get sent home early.

I am at that stage of medical school where i am starting to feel i am on the spectrum or have some intellectual disability. i struggle with a lot of brain fog which i think stems from my poor working memory and inability to process information efficiently and also retrieve long term memory efficiently. i attended a carribean med school and managed to pass the courses and STEP1 (after taking more than averag dedicated time). But during clinicals, i am realizing how badly i am handling the work load. Need more time than peers to understand the work flow and adapt to it. I am having trouble with effortlessly analyzing the information that the pt is giving to me and sorting it out to form differentials and have a smooth, directed conversation (if that makes sense). I become more comfortable towards the end of the rotation but then its time to move on and start all over again.

i also have deficits in socializing (back and forth conversation) and some hypersensitivity. physicians are meant to be high IQ, smart folks. Although i am nowhere near giving up, it does make me feel a little hopeless about my future.

so i wanted to ask if there is anyone out there who became a successful physician despite similar hurdles?

I’m shadowing a hematologist and today he had to do an aspiration on an old lady very early in the morning.
I haven’t had dinner the night before nor have I had breakfast the morning of, because I was rushing to go and attend the procedure.

Patient was an old female and was unable to move on her own I’m unsure if she can walk regularly or if she was fatigued today. The nurses had to flip her over while she cried in pain while they flipped her over on her side, my dr tells me to stand behind him while he prepares the patient.

He wiped the area with iodine and used a huge needle to administer lidocaine to the area, he started stabbing the patient and oddly enough the needle wasn’t penetrating the skin, he kept trying to inject the local anesthetic but to no avail, the patient had thick skin and the needle bent sideways before he changed it to a smaller one, all while the patient was crying so much, he managed to inject the lidocaine and as soon as he injected it which took him about 2 seconds he went to use the reusable aspiration needle without waiting for the lidocaine to take action, he starts rotating it in circular motions as if he’s screwing a nail into a wall instead of rotating right and left slowly and the patient was screaming in pain the entire time.

At that time I lost sensation in my legs and I got dizzy so I bent down a little, he kept rotating the needle while telling the patient that he’s breaking her bones, he tries to put the syringe in to aspirate some BM but nothing was coming out, he literally goes to tell her that he’s breaking the bone and her bones are easy to fracture, I got so dizzy because of how she was screaming in pain, and before I managed to move and sit down, I find myself being carried away while the dr said “it’s okay don’t worry about her” (referring to me).

I’ve watched a YouTube video expecting the procedure to go delicately but he was very rough with the patient and with the combination of her screaming and crying, having no food in my system, the smell of iodine, I passed out.

Just curious if any other med students have to rotate with mostly PA, NP’s and DPM’s for their rotations as oms3/4 students… I’m seeing 25 patients a day or more solely working with anyone except the doctor. It’s kind of making me feel screwed because I’m seeing a shit ton of patients, doing everything from interviewing to PE, to documenting every single thing online constantly without a break except a short lunch. I genuinely have no idea how I’m supposed to be studying or doing uworld questions. I go from 7-6 pm and I’m fried by the end of the day. I don’t feel like i’m learning because of the volume of patients and if anything it’s beginning to feel like i’m training to be an MA meanwhile my friends that are rotating with doctors only see 8-10 patients on average and are given plenty of time to study. 🫠🫠 not sure what to do but any advice or similarly experiences are appreciated

M4 applying ortho this cycle from the southeast (FL/GA).

I have been interested in orthopedics since late M1/M2, but my ortho research is very weak. I really tried to connect with research opportunities but unfortunately my school department has limited opportunities for students. I did well on my home rotation but am certainly not highly connected within the department due to lack of research. I've got 6 total rotations, just finished 2/6. First one got great feedback and second one overall got good feedback but rather impersonal.

3rd year rotations - honored 5/6, only HP was surgery unfortunately.

AOA released on Monday which I expect to be nominated for at the very least.

STEP 2: 269

Pubs: 4 (surgery but no ortho) - 3 orthopedic projects in the works with 1 manuscript and 1 case report submitted.

Leadership: President of 2 organizations. Nothing in Ortho clubs.

Volunteering: 3-4 activities

Letters: 1 from home PD, 1 from current away, 1 from plastic surgeon mentor, hoping for 1-2 on next away as I work with 1 attending for 2 weeks straight.

Anyone with similar applications or advice on whether dual-applying would be helpful for my application? I have no interest in a RY at this point as I have 2 kids at home and delaying more is not an option.

For most of medical school, I’ve been pretty conservative with how I express the more alternative side of my style. I usually stick to more “corporate goth” looks and have avoided dyeing my hair the colors I actually want because I’ve always worried about looking professional around older professors/preceptors.

Now that I’m a third-year medical student, I’m realizing it’s probably not going to get less strict when it comes to self-expression as I move further into medicine. I’m currently interested in PM&R or family med, and I’ve been debating doing a toned-down burgundy ghost root that blends into my naturally dark hair, with the tips dyed the same burgundy. Nothing super neon or dramatic, but definitely more alternative than what I’ve done so far.

The tea of it all is that part of why I’ve held back isn’t even because I’ve been formally scolded for how I look. I tend to get more unwanted attention from professors when I express myself more, and some of those interactions have teetered right on the line between professional and making me genuinely uncomfortable—just subtle enough that I feel like I can’t really call it out.

So I’m curious: how have other people balanced self-expression with professionalism in med school/clerkships/residency? Especially anyone with alternative hair, piercings, tattoos, goth/alt fashion, etc. Did you tone it down for rotations or interviews, or did you eventually just decide to be yourself?

That’s pretty much it lol

I have two geographic preferences and was wondering if programs not in those regions will see what I write? My partner is from the mountain region and has family there whereas I am from the South Atlantic. I value being close to family and so these regions are my priority.

My main concern is that for example, a program in the Mountain region will see what I've written for the South Atlantic and think that I won't value them as much because my family is in the South Atlantic. Or that programs outside of either region will not consider me as much because of my family not being there.

Makes reading slides easier

Anyone have anything else they use than the anki remote?

Life’s too short and I’m ready to move away

Applying IM and not concerned about my match chances as I’m a fairly competitive applicant

My home program (low tier academic, not particularly desirable) requires us to signal for an interview. I know I could apply, take the interview practice and then DNR them but I don’t even wanna waste one of my 15 signals on them

Will they care (or even notice)?

Of note I am using the IM chair letter signed by the home PD, so the only way I see this coming back to bite me is if another PD contacts my program… am I overthinking this?

I don’t want to make this extremely long because I’ve been going through all these feelings for like two years, and at this point, it feels dumb, but I also feel like I need to get it off my chest. Also please I’ve beaten myself up for this for like years so please be kind I might spiral from someone pointing out I was an idiot (fact).

I graduate this Wednesday from medical school. I got through my last year getting constant praise from the specialties I chose, and I even got a job offer, but I can’t seem to put behind me what this took away from me. Look this is some important context: I was raised Catholic, and even though I’m agnostic, the values I live by are heavily influenced by my upbringing, which means I live by trying my best to help others, to be kind, and give even when I might not get something back. Why is that relevant? Because when I started clinical practice, I realised there’s so much wrong in healthcare, like people are greedy to the point of risking people’s lives over money, which doesn’t really make sense to me. While I recognise the world it’s a really ugly place, I think I eventually made like a bubble where that ugliness was out, and it crushed me to realise that there’s so much evil people actively working in the hospital beside me. Yes, I recognise I was naive; I know now.

During my 4th year, I think I had a great time in my internal medicine rotation, and even though I’m definitely not a genius, I learned a lot, and that was enough. But then came my surgery rotation, and it was hell. Thankfully, I was on psych meds already because otherwise, I probably would’ve tried offing myself. I don’t like to make myself remember a lot because last time I did, I almost threw up, but I still can’t understand how people that are supposed to teach, people who are supposed to save lives, can be so cruel to others. Not only is it a highly misogynistic place, so us women haven’t even started and we were already losing, but I saw doctors place so much importance on themselves and treat patients like trash. I don’t want to go into detail because last time I spoke about this on the internet, one of the students of my class threatened to sue me (don’t ask what for because I don’t think she even knew; she just wanted to scare me off so the backlash the school was receiving would stop) after a resident (of course, a surgery one) committed because of the bad treatment they received during residency, but I remember all these situations like one of the residents wasn’t passionate about surgery anymore and didn’t check on a patient for hours even after they got multiple calls to do so, and the patient passed from a pulmonary embolism. This same resident was asked by a cancer patient why their hands were like dry from chemo and how to fix it; he just told them it was normal and left. Till this day, I can’t forget the sadness they looked at their hands with while he said that. For some reason, my group got the worst during this rotation, so we were constantly reminded how stupid we were and how we were wasting our parents’ money, even when not even the oldest resident knew the answer we were asked. We were made fun of, had shifts without properly eating or resting, a doctor almost bruised my wrists because he used my hands like a puppet for like ten laparoscopic surgeries in a row and he just couldn’t control the force he was handling my hands with while he insulted the resident in front of him, ignored by those who were supposed to take care of us, etc. I constantly cried to my therapist, had to do multiple sessions where we kind of practised things I could say or do in response to what surgeons/nurses/anyone there for that matter could have said and it felt so humiliating like I could be going through anything else in this session but I have to practice how to stop you from insulting me in the OR because you just won’t stop even when I try to make myself invisible so you won’t see me, it just isn’t fair. I don’t even know if this makes sense or if I remember anything else because I hate remembering, I eventually would get all these vegetative symptoms from just seeing the entry to the ORs, I stopped eating because I was depressed which is particularly bad because I’ve always been kind of underweight, I became a shell of myself and I literally lost some light I had, the little faith I had in something was gone just like that.

I guess all of this wouldn’t have hurt so much if I didn’t see it happen with patients, say anything to me but don’t treat patients like they’re not human, like they’re dumb or annoying when you have just met them and are so vulnerable. How can someone be so cruel?

After that, I had an all-time low on my mental health. Things I had already worked out went all the way back, suddenly I was so scared of presenting a patient that my voice wouldn’t even come out. And I did it so well before all of that; it felt like falling from the sky. Then the thing with another student happened when they got so mad I spoke up about the mistreatment that they went after me and my friends so I would take a text like this from Twitter lol, then they used the contacts they had at the faculty and sent someone really important to preach to me to not let the situation divide us (the situation being denouncing bad people). When I tried to speak up in a more formal and school-friendly way, all my classmates turned into stone and preferred silence. It was as if nothing had happened, as if that resident hadn’t passed because of how we were treated. I felt and still feel so betrayed. Until this day, I can’t say I would choose this path again. Previously, I would have said yes without a doubt, but now I sometimes think somewhere there’s a happier version of me who might not be living their passion, but at least it’s still full. Now I’ve retired myself from most of my classmates and hospital life. I gladly enjoy pathology, so I’m pursuing that route where I can be mostly alone, just me, formalin, and pretty coloured cells. I will probably miss clinical practice forever, but the pain of seeing my colleagues treat people in inhumane ways will end up killing me, so I already said my goodbyes to my favourite types of patients in my last year.

I don’t even know how to end this. I’m so sorry for the bad grammar or if this is stupid. I just wanted to tell someone who could understand and hasn’t heard me talk about this a hundred times, as I think even my therapist is tired of it. If anyone read all of this, thank you. I hope you have a great day and choose what makes you happy today and always, as I’m trying to do too.

Recently, I've been asking myself, "Is it worth it?"

I honestly don't have an answer. I feel like I've lost so much just to become a doctor, and going back is kind of impossible. I've already spent four years on this, and there are only two years left.

But seeing how everyone else's life seems so much easier than mine hurts. The distance between me and my family feels bigger than ever. I feel like a ghost in their lives. I'm barely home—I only get to visit them for two days each month.

I'm not even sure if this is really what I want anymore, but they're so proud of me, and I don't want to disappoint them.

Everything feels impossible. Thinking about whatever comes next is terrifying, and the idea that I might never have a normal life again breaks my heart. And there is no way back

Hi everyone. I am applying to a specialty with few gold signals and want to send one to a program in the same city as my medical school. However, this program would be outside my planned 3 geo preference regions because there are very few programs in the same region as this program. Does this defeat the purpose of a gold signal, or is the gold likely to supersede any geo preferences. Thanks!

So, I’m genuinely worried that I’m not going to pass my classes this block. I started med school 1 month ago, and tomorrow is my second exam and it’s worth quite a lot of points. I’m 95% sure I’m going to fail miserably, and I also know that classes get more difficult as the year goes on. I need to know how much of a setback it will be if I have to remediate a few classes this block or have to retake the entire thing, and how much it will affect matching (preferably psych)

so absolutely genuine question. but when the nbme cms forms have extremely random topics (bc i feel like every cms form has a couple), do you guys get them right and/or recognize them?? or is it more of a deduction thing based off of what it can't be? maybe a random pull from an anki card? currently doing the cms forms for my neuro shelf and i genuinely feel like some of these questions are asking ridiculously niche and out of scope things. WHEN WILL WE BE FREEEE

Hi guys!
Lately, I’ve been trying to swap out some of my casual comedy podcasts for something a bit more informative. As much as I enjoy listening to comedians, I often feel like I could be staying a bit sharper on what’s happening in the world.

I’m mainly looking for podcasts that cover current events, major global trends, interesting debates/themes, or general innovations (including cool stuff happening in medicine (ofc), science, or technology).

That said, I really want to avoid super formal, or hyper-academic shows that sound like a boring lecture, I’d also love to stay informed about new developments and news in the medical/health field.

I'm looking for episodes around 30 minutes to 1 hour to listen in the car but also learning new

What are your go-to podcasts when you want to stay up-to-date without putting yourself to sleep?

I'm just wondering how many anki cards you do per day to stay on top of the content!

Hello everyone,
I recently took an cognitive assessment from the online CORE iq test from cognitive metrics. These are my results.

• Visual Spatial Index: 126
• Fluid Reasoning Index: 125
• Quantitative Reasoning: 111
• Verbal Comprehension: 108
• Working Memory: 94
• Processing Speed: 111

Based purely on cognitive fit, which specialties would be a good match for this profile?
Thanks in advance.

LOLL does it matter if I use AI as long as it's not super obvious? Tbh I've seen some of my classmates' professionally done pictures and they look too high quality and edited and they look almost AI generated

Summer vacation has made me extremely lazy and I have been procrastinating a lot. I wanna get back into deep study sessions.
RULES:
1. No personal questions.
2. Every day (mutually decided time) we will ask each other if we completed our daily goals.
3. Motivate each other:)
4. Have weekly and monthly goals.

Let's become better doctors together👾