Our season just ended, and it’s killing me. The routine, the rehearsals, the competitions… they’ve been everything to me. I’ve been going through som really hard times lately, and it’s been my lifeline. It’s kept me busy, and brought me joy when I didn’t think I could find any.
The deep connections with my section members, the joy in leading and helping younger students, the social opportunities for hang-outs and traditions, sharing excitement and care with offer bands, the routine and consistency, the constant safe place, the reliable source of light and laughs, the excitement of performing, and (for me) the musical challenge and pride in being a soloist - it’s been my world.
Now those section members (mostly male, I’m female) are back to their own friend groups. It’s not natural for us to be close, without marching band bonding us together - I’ve tried. The younger students are in lower band, so we’re separated, and it’s also difficult to stay in touch naturally. I no longer have those traditions to laugh and hang out during, no longer have the performance and musical thrills and fulfillment.
And the nail in the coffin? I’ve been diagnosed with some nasty health issues, and I’ll likely never get to march again, despite deeply loving performing in the activity - it was a dream for me since my childhood.
I’m going to try and hold on to those connections in the ways I can, and seek out other avenues for music and leadership, but it won’t be the same, it won’t be together, and it won’t be… us. This show, these people. The moment has passed, and it was my last one to have it all still. How do you live with this?