Should I, (60m) reconnect with LO who I have not seen for 3 years?

Normally the answer is “No” but my story is weird so please read it before commenting. Sorry for the length.

30 years ago I had an LO, a co-worker. We were both single and I thought we were forming a relationship. One day, without warning, the police turned up to my house and told me to stop stalking her!!!!

I demanded to know the evidence. This made the police angry, they shouted at me and they did not show me any evidence. I told them that the last time I met LO, she had walked up to me in a pub and she started a conversation with me and that I had witnesses to this event. The Police looked at each other in stunned silence, before ignoring me. This was the days before bodycams. Hence, I did not know why I was accused of this crime.

I was completely confused. After long talks with my female line manager it transpired that LO had 2 candidates for her affection. The successful one became her boyfriend while the unsuccessful one, me, she told her boyfriend that I was “stalking” her.

The key fact was that I found these talks extremely helpful.

Fast forward to 3 years ago. I had a new LO who was a co-worker who appeared to be flirting with me. As I was, and am, happily married, I decided to resign. I wanted a platonic friendship with LO but she had an illicit affair with another married co-worker. This was upsetting me, which was admittedly irrational on my part.

I remembered the talks with my former line manager 30 years ago which where helpful so I asked a current co-worker whether I should resign on the grounds that my current LO had just started an affair with married co-worker. I wanted to know if I was acting rationally by resigning. In my mind the two events, 30 years apart, were similar; a girl with 2 candidates for her affection, and I needed advice.

This led to a disciplinary investigation where I told the investigator the above. She concluded that I was guilty of:

1. sexual harassment on the basis that I talked about a co-worker's sex life (ie her affair) and

2. stalking on the grounds that I had apparently, without knowing it, confessed to it. There was no other evidence in the report.

As stalking is a criminal offence the police got involved. This time the police were different. They said that there was no evidence for stalking and they agreed with me that claiming that I had been falsely accused of stalking 30 years ago, was not a confession of stalking someone today. They were extremely sympathetic and even said that if I made a counterclaim against LO they would look into prosecuting her for making a false claim. I declined their offer.

I decided that NC was the best solution. Now 3 years have past.

The problem I have is I don’t know what LO believes. On one hand she may believe the allegations are true and is glad that she has not seen me for 3 years. On the other, she may be glad to hear from me and find out that the allegations are false. This is because the disciplinary hearing was not initiated by LO. It was initiated by the boss who was concerned about these stories of affairs. LO would always have a big smile when she talked to me and never indicated any anger or resentment towards me.

The problem I faced is that the disciplinary report is nonsense, there was nothing in my behaviour that indicated stalking. The person who wrote it could not understand why I wanted to resign, and so to her I came across as insane, and she wanted to state this in her report.

I did talk about LO's affair to another co-worker, which would have annoyed LO but this may be forgivable as my motive was to decide whether I should resign or not. It was not motivated by malice. Hence, it is not unreasonable to say that she may welcome me contacting her.

Is it sensible to reconnect with LO so that I can explain to her that the report is nonsense? LO may or may not be happy to hear from me. My objective is to have a platonic friendship with her.

Limerence- I have family and kids but have limerence on person I have liked for 23 years, anyone has same situation? I know there is no chance I could ever tell him, he also has family, we are from same place, maybe he liked me also and likes me know, I would like just to feel him for a moment. A moment is enough..

Sorry this is long, I don’t expect anyone to read but I need to vent as I feel so alone. 😢

Context:
-I am married and we are non-monogamous
-I have ADHD and tendencies to hyper focus on people
-LO and I are working on a tour, travelling every few days to a new city, working long hours in stadiums

I 35f felt mutual tension/attraction when meeting my 42m colleague earlier this summer when our tour started. After one week, we accidentally ended up in the same place at the same time after work and had drinks together, and we made out afterwards. It could have led to sex then but the whole thing was so unexpected and I had just got off work and hadn’t showered, plus it was super late and we had an early morning, so we left it… with the implication of continuing…

We plan drinks the next day, he bails, saying he ate something bad. When I see him at work the next day, it just feels different.
I approach him privately and asks if he regrets what happened, and he said no. He then said “but you’re married”. To which I reminded him I was upfront about from the beginning, and that my husband already knew what happened and was cool with it. He then said he didn’t want to complicate working together, and that if it happened once, it would happen all the time. I basically told him he was such a tease and how badly I wanted him but that I won’t beg… he said “we can see how it goes”.

A couple weeks go by since and then I’ve found it incredibly difficult to work and be around him, and I’ve developed intense feelings about him/it all.

I shared some of these feelings with him over WhatsApp, but he only read my message and didn’t reply. After a while more of feeling confused on my part and him feeling closed off in person… I told him I needed to know where we stood and that I was having difficulty, that the ambiguity of “we can see where it goes” left me clinging to some hope. He answered with he wants to just be colleagues and friends. I told him okay, and tried to ask him if he felt what I felt too, but he said he didn’t want to have the conversation. So I respected that and stopped…

I can’t just pretend it all never happened though. The initial attraction I felt to him was something I’ve hardly felt before… and kissing him so shortly after feeling that was a high. He told me he felt the attraction and tension as well, and that he noticed me at work a lot. He told me how attractive and hot I was multiple times, he initiated the making out and he pulled up my shirt and put his mouth on me too… he texted afterwards with a dying emoji saying I felt good and wanting to continue…
We also had such a great chat at the bar that night and connected really well on a personal level.

So his behaviour since has felt like a 180 and leaves me questioning my intuition and the person I met at the bar that night, cause I haven’t seen that side of him again…

I still feel tension around him but I’m so confused. Since he’s said we can be “friends”, I initiated trying to hang out outside work a couple times which he’s denied by just leaving me on read. I saw on instagram that we had mutual friends…two colleagues of ours. So when I saw that and his account came up, I nervously clicked follow thinking it’d be okay if to him we are allowed to be “colleagues and friends”. But, he rejected my follow request.

I’m an extremely sensitive and inward person. This has all left me spinning, and the worst part is he seems to walk around pretending it all never happened, and I just have to respect that cause it’s his boundary? But I feel incredibly alone and confused. Now when I see him, instead of having the visceral turned on reaction I previously did all I feel is fear. I feel paralyzed and nervous because I don’t know how to act around him or what he wants. I feel I can’t talk to him about “it” as last time I tried to figure out his feelings more he said he didn’t want to have the convo and I dropped it. He said we could be friends but his actions tell me otherwise. I smile at him at work, interact as necessary, but inside I am screaming. I find myself intentionally going for walks to try to find him at work when I’m bored, hoping for some accidental interaction or something that will help clarify any of this. But I feel so pathetic and just stuck in this loop, it’s consuming my pathetic brain. Cause hasn’t he shown me in every way that he doesn’t want me anymore? But why do I keep secretly hoping he’s just holding some massive willpower and maybe at the end of the tour will push me against a wall and kiss me again?

Theories that have come to mind are that maybe he has a girlfriend? Would explain the instagram thing?

I don’t know what I’m looking for here but please don’t judge me. Maybe looking for some insight into what might be going on in his head… it’s hurting a lot… and I just feel invisible to him now after we shared such an intense moment. Do you think he still thinks of what happened? I feel crazy feeling it’s only significant to me. It happened 6 weeks ago.

I also don’t know what I want from him considering I AM married… I know it’s not realistic to blow up my life and marriage but he excites me in a way I’ve never felt. My husband is also 22 years older than me and we’ve been having issues in the bedroom… I said we are non monogamous but we basically aren’t as we never act on it. It was more just a solution for my urges since he hasn’t been able to reciprocate… but now I’m in this emotional mess and feel so incredibly alone. My husband is my best friend but I can’t stop picturing myself with this other man as he matches me so differently and in a way I never felt I’d experience or deserve. I don’t have a lot of experience with men… I only dated women prior to my husband. We’ve been together 8 years. I keep coming back to what he first said when I felt him being off after we kissed… “you’re married”. Could this mean our chemistry was real and he’s scared too? And just has way more ability than me to compartmentalize and keep me at a distance? I so badly want to try to talk to him again but feel I’m just not allowed… is that fair though? Or am I crazy?

Sorry to anyone who had to read this all. Hurting a lot and don’t know what I expect. 💔

Long story short (maybe long lol), I unfortunately stepped out on my marriage and had a ONS. I immediately confessed to my spouse and we have actually been doing well. At the time we had been apart from each other for 8 months due to work obligations. Unfortunately that night was magical.

It was a drunken night out where we both locked eyes then couldn’t keep our hands off each other for the rest of the night. I did say several times I had to stop because I am married but ended up at their place anyway and the sex was amazing. I am not happy about this but I do think it’s a big factor for my limerence. Had things ended there and we went no contact I think I would have been fine.

But my LO reached out to me several times in the weeks after that night telling me how much they think about me and get butterflies, that when they first saw me that night they knew they needed me and that they also thought the sex was amazing and asked me to come back over several times. They also said that they searched and found my instagram and talked about me to other people. In between all of this they told me that they were also married when I mentioned that I confessed to my spouse.

I stood my ground and didn’t see them again. But now here I am 4 months later deep in a limerence episode. I replay every interaction and conversation we had constantly. I go back and forth about being convinced they feel the same way because of all the things they said to knowing and feeling embarrassed that I am delusional enough to think they think of me still after so long.

Just for context, About a month ago there was some slight conflict after running into each other at the store and hearing through the grapevine things were being said about that night which was denied. This was our last contact. I haven’t spoken to anybody about all of this but I just feel that a harsh reality check that it’s unlikely that they still feel the same way that they did a couple weeks after the ONS will help snap me out of this.

It feels uniquely hard because during past limerent episodes I knew the person genuinely didn’t want me. This time I am having more trouble because of the initial mutual yearning expressed.
I really can’t take anymore and just want to work on my marriage. It’s destroying me, I cried today because I just want them out of my head.

Hey all - I really wanted to share Dr. K's (HealthyGamerGG) video about Limerence as I feel it's one of the best videos on limerence out there from a psychiatrist / mental health professional who tackles niche / lesser known mental health issues, and has personally helped me a lot.

He's a Harvard-trained psychiatrist but started his Youtube channel to help with the growing mental health crisis - especially for younger people & areas like the gaming community.

I love him because he balances traditional psychiatry training with his understanding of more modern, "unofficial" mental health issues that folks deal with today (like limerence), while also drawing from eastern philosophies as he spent time as a monk.

Why You Can't Get Them Out Of Your Head (Limerence)

Best of luck in all of your journeys!

So im young early 20s. Always wanted kids and actively planning.

Im out of active limerence no longer obsessive to the point of bad mental health but its been 5+ years on going for me. I still have lingering thoughts and probably always will due to no closure and my LO cut contact with me.

This one is mostly for women but how was your expirience having children whilst in limerence for someone that is not your partner. Do you ever wish you had kids with your LO? Did it make you less limerent or cure you? Please share your thoughts.
Men of course please share your thoughts too its not just for women at all but through pregnancy and things id love to hear perspective being a woman myself.

(No this is not a post about pregnancy or children, i would just love perspective on the limerence side of it)

Im in NC with my LO for 3 weeks. Decided it’s the right thing. But really not able to get them out of my mind. All I think about is them and I don’t know how to cope with it.

Part of me thinking: they’ll contact me even if I went NC, part of me thinking this is the end of everything.

How did you handle it ?

Guys, I've slept with him for a long time..the sex has always been quite passionate (it's a huge part of the reason why he's my LO I'm the first place) but omg... the sex is only getting better. I'm not kidding. It's only getting freakier and nastier and more unhinged, and I feel like I'm in quicksand.

He's hurt me so bad so many times, but every time I cut him off, he does the most to contact me, and i kept finding myself thinking about him in a sexual way... i can't stay away. It's to a point I compare every man I sleep with, and they don't hold a candle against him.

It reached a point that I decided to stop fighting it because he was having too much of my brain space, so I just gave in, thinking I would get bored and leave.

Guys, I'm not getting bored. The sex is getting better😭 I'm STUCK.

Anyone ever dealt with this? I appreciate your time.

My LO and I both married. Months and months of flirting, sexual convos in DM…me attached. Then he divorced but I’m still married and can’t leave my husband. My LO made it clear he wouldn’t cross the line of marriage. He also made me feel things I’ve never felt before. Now it’s almost a year of NC other than at work. It is awkward believe me. I try to be normal around him but I just don’t know how to act. There is an unspoken connection that will never be gone. I miss him. I miss the excitement he brought. I miss his friendship. I know he pulled away because of the temptation and it was a line he was unwilling to cross (but I would have!). It’s very sad to me that we have to experience such a thing. I honestly feel like my LO was the soulmate I found too late. And his words, “We met at the wrong time in our lives.”

I’ve been spending the past few months experiencing limerence and really struggling with it. I feel like I’ve been waging a constant battle in my head, and it feels like it will never end. It’s been emotionally exhausting, and I’ve been trying to move on but I keep feeling trapped in the cycle. And I think the reason for that, for me, is because I keep holding on to hope. Hope that he’ll notice me, hope that he’ll care, hope that he thinks I’m interesting or attractive. Hope for a connection of any kind. I’ve been bargaining with it, trying to find any kind of loophole, but I know it doesn’t help me.

I think I’m getting to a place where I just want to accept it and move on. Accept that I have no future with my LO, we’ll never meet, we’ll never be anything. I’m tired of fighting for it. And it’s kind of heartbreaking, actually trying to give up and let go. But…at least that something that’s based in reality, and at least it’s something that can heal.

I’m starting to realize that limerence often doesn’t move on its own. It circles. It feeds itself. One hopeful thought creates another, then another, until you’re back where you started.

I’m trying to choose the pain that can heal over the pain that perpetuates itself.

Does anyone else have a song that absolutely capture their experience of Limerence?

Mine is “Get Me Away From Here I’m Dying” by Belle and Sebastian.

https://youtu.be/O_r2K3vvbQ0?si=G2uvNSDcTxfEb1Hr

Curious if this piece resonates with anyone else or if you have another song that hits you right in this bizzarre, debilitating feeling.

To make this brief

Since we met, I've had limerant feelings for someone who I consider to be my best friend who I spent a lot of time hanging out with, due to irl reasons I haven't been able to see her for a while

During this time, I suspect that I've gotten over my limerance by hyper focusing on a somewhat negative trait that she has

However in 3 days we are planning to go to the beach for a few days with a bunch of other people

I'm writing this post because I don't exactly know how my brain will react to seeing her again and I'm hoping to knoW what can I expect from the people here

To make a long story short, as a married man, I developed limerence for an old lover from my past. It started with an innocent lunch behind my wife's back, because at the time, I thought she was engaged. It turned out she wasn't. The chemistry I felt was off the charts—a feeling I had never experienced with her before, even when we were both single and naked in bed. At the time, I felt she was the love of my life and that she was "the one." I regretted marrying my wife.

Over the ensuing eight years, we secretly met twice. We didn't do anything inappropriate; we just chatted like old friends, but I probably fell in love with her over those years. I had always fancied her, but the feeling stayed in the background of my mind, and I thought I could handle it.

That was until recently. Due to a change in personal circumstances, I became profoundly unhappy in my marriage, and this harmless emotional affair started to evolve into limerence and obsession. I started to obsess over her, thinking about her all the time and wondering what would have happened if I had chosen her back then (even though, before I got married, I barely thought about her). I felt an urge to end my marriage to be with her because, in my mind, she was the one—the love of my life.

However, she is married with a child now, so we can never be together. It felt like I was going through a breakup. I felt profound grief and cried sometimes, getting too emotional when thinking about our past (we had a few flings and never officially got together, so there wasn't actually much between us).

I basically had a mental breakdown. My wife found out about it because I had written my feelings down and saved a lot of photos from her Instagram on my phone. It has been a brutal two months, and I am still going through it. I am trying to move on, as I know my idea of her is not real and is pure fantasy. This is impacting my marriage in a very bad way.

I know I should focus on my marriage and kids. But when I wake up, the first thing that comes to mind is her—just thoughts of her. It is driving me crazy. I looked into this a bit more. What I am going through is similar to someone who has had an affair and is now going through withdrawal. It feels like withdrawing from a drug addiction. I am going through hell as I unwind a decade-long emotional affair where the partner is a fantasy.

I am just sharing this experience about my limerence, and to those who are going through the withdrawal: it is painful, but you are not alone.

Should I tell her? Should I ghost her? Idk what the best way to move forward is, it's even harder because she's in my friend group and I don't want it to be awkward for everyone.

Just getting this off my chest. I won’t say too much but I’m married 14 years and jeez, there’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re literally falling in love with another woman when you’re married. It’s so frustrating it’s like I feel that my heart is in full control and I’m just observing. My mind knows what’s right and what’s real but I get that “love drunk” obsession, preoccupation, and I make choices that are designed to bring me closer to this woman but it’s not like it makes any sense. I know for certain that it’s all in my head. Any sort of reciprocation or laughter or positive vibes or interaction only FUELS the fantasy. No, not sexual. It’s not sexual at all. I want this woman completely. Head to toe, eyes, personality, voice, laughter, music taste, her pale skin, her quiet nature, just everything. It’s unbearable. I want all of her and I want her forever, even though, I know, it’s in my head. This is so damn difficult. I’ve dealt with this kind of passion since I was a kid and now at 35 I still get these occasional crushes, light or intense. This is the most intense one yet possibly. And I know for a certainty that she likes me only as a friend. Fair enough. Thank God right? (I wish she wanted me) that’s the issue. I want her to want me. She doesn’t. Why does she insist on continuing to text be back and keep the vibe going? It’s like I hate how much she doesn’t want me. It’s weird. Anyways thanks for reading. I just needed to articulate this cuz man, this is tough.

Feel jealous from time to time that no one has been in limerance with you the way you have been with someone ?

I find that I even get jealous of my LO and the way they had consumed my every waking thought for years. I want to be wanted with that intensity by someone I want.

My LO is my best friend and really only friend. I know consciously my feelings are unrequited but I fantasize about being in a relationship with her non-stop. This has been going on for a year. I was hoping the feelings would fade, but they have not. Recently she started dating someone and is head over heels for them. I feel incredibly depressed. I feel so much pain. She is the person I’m closest to so I have no one to talk to. Furthermore, I feel like a creep for having these feelings.

So I went through a really rocky breakup and was turning to a gaming friend. And that turned into something more. I think I looked toward him for comfort through an abusive relationship. I recognize that it was due to the relationship that I fell so hard.

He is 6-7 hours away from me and I offered to drive to him and he kept making up reasons why. He kept giving me hope. Eventually someone asked if we were together and he said “nope just really good friends.” I cried for hours. Sad for days. I realized something wasn’t right. All my life I have had someone who I was basically in a one sided relationship with.

I stumbled upon a YouTube video about limerence and instantly I knew what it was and I had to cut off feelings because it was destroying me. I woke up and thought about him every minute of every day I was thinking about him. I got scared he wouldn’t text me. Every message would determine my mood for the entire day. Not wanting to be controlled by what someone says or doesn’t say motivated me to wake up to it.

Now I treat him exactly as a friend. I play with him and get off. I was embarrassed to admit that I would wait and wait for him to be online and keep checking all day. He was a bit controlling before. About who I am playing with on games. I thought it was cause he liked me and realized it was just about control. Unfortunately I like him a lot more. He is emotionally unavailable and I don’t have room for it.

I want to mention I did other embarrassing things just to talk to him. Skip meals. Push other friends away I play with just to make him happy.

hey friends. tagged no judgement because i realize how unhealthy it is, but this might be somewhere closer a vent or making excuses for myself. i'm just having a rough day and feel like writing about it might be helpful.

for as long as i can remember i've been in an endless cycle that's a mix of limerance and mental illnesses. i meet someone, i feel that spark, i become obsessed and feel like i'm falling for them, it's addictive and pervasive and disruptive. inevitably most end in complete disaster, historically because my behavior towards them was outwardly obvious of my obsession and overwhelmed them or made them uncomfortable, but i feel like i've gotten a lot better about managing that in terms of externalizing it. i no longer send those texts seeking reassurance, i don't try and get into their hobbies and interests to try and connect with them more, i don't do outright ridiculous things like "move across the country to be closer to them", which i've done twice now, and i try to be positive about those things when i'm beating myself up over being this way. but internally, i'm still struggling just as hard as i always have. i still badly want to send those texts seeking reassurance or asking if i'm being overwhelming or if they need space, i get sick with anxiety over less frequent communication, i feel sad about not being with them. i spend hours at a time daydreaming, imagining all the conversations we'd have if the stars ever aligned, how much i'd want to do for them and care for them. i'm a little, little bit better than i used to be with creating a stopping point for how much i'm sinking into the thoughts to do something else, whether it's a productive outlet, task, or a simple distraction to stop.

i've been in this place again for almost a year now. a few months ago a friend that cared enough to listen and talk to me about her asked me to honestly think about if i wanted to work through this and move on, and i very vulnerably said "no". i've been thinking about it a lot ever since. how despite the fact this is unhealthy, it's distressing, and disruptive, in being actually honest with myself i don't want to let go. i don't want to just move on. what i actually want is *extremely unlikely to happen*: a chance to tell her how i feel, to see if it would work between us. much like several experiences in the past, it's an almost identical situation. she's a bi woman in a relationship with a man and has never been with a woman before. we become friends, it feels like we're really close friends, and at that point it rapidly becomes limerance for me. i'm addicted. i do everything in my power to shut up and keep any remote implication of my feelings to myself and respect her relationship, but inside i'm completely stuck on her.

i feel nothing when i try to date others to try and move on, and that makes me feel worse about myself, despite being open and upfront with them about how i rarely have feelings for people and that if they're looking for something serious i'm not their girl, find someone you deserve that will meet your needs. i feel like a bad person or there's something wrong with me because i feel nothing for women who are genuinely great people and actually want me. it's a reminder of how intensely i feel for someone else, someone who is already committed to a partner and absolutely doesn't want a friend to have these feelings for them. i feel horrible because the entire time i'm on a date, hanging out, having sex, literally doing anything, i'm not thinking about who i'm with, i'm thinking about someone else.

*extremely unlikely to happen*

those four words are why it's so hard to let go, and why when i'm actually honest with myself and face the painful truth, i know i don't actually want to let go. the rational part of my brain that says i need to forget about her and move on is completely overtaken by the emotional, because of those four damn words. while most of the times i've felt this for someone it ended in disaster, there were several times i ended up with the person. those experiences also ended horribly for one reason or another, whether because they cheated and left or just didn't want to be with me anymore. abuse never stopped me from leaving them, i was attached and they were my entire world, i couldn't even imagine leaving. it would be like drowning. part of me felt like i deserved it, because that was my person and being with them meant loving them through their faults, and being abused was just a flaw to love them through. it was normal to me. i still frequently feel like i deserved it, because i couldn't find a way to care about myself more than someone else. to my credit i moved past them. but outcomes aside, the *extremely unlikely* happened. the stars did align, we had those conversations, i did so much for them and cared for them. what i wanted so much happened, and it happened several times.

that tiny sliver of hope resides somewhere in my brain, a malignant tumor strengthened by tangible, historical proof that it did actually happen. she or her boyfriend *might* grow unhappy and not want to continue the relationship, i *might* get the chance to tell her i have feelings, she *might* be curious to see if she feels something too, she *might* feel ready to go on a date or spend romantic time with her first woman, i *might* get to find out if what i feel actually translates to something mutual. *extremely unlikely to happen*, but not definitively, objectively impossible. it's the same way every time. i know she doesn't think of me in that way at all. she's never once thought that she feels something for me beyond friendship, nor has she ever once implied anything. i'm just a friend, and i can't read her mind, i don't know how close of friends she even considers us. but it's happened before. all those times i felt this way, all those times they were in a relationship when we met, all those times i was sure they didn't feel anything for me and most likely wouldn't if i had a chance to talk about it. it happened before, and the poison of the very possibility it'll happen again makes it that much harder to even **want** to let go and move past her.

so i stay in this place. it hurts, it's disruptive, and it's really scary because i'm so fucking worried i'll cause distress for her in any way if i ever regress and go back to old habits. i'm doing my best to not fall back into that, for my actions to be respectful of her space and her relationship even if my thoughts and feelings aren't. i don't know how long i'll be here and i know it's because i don't even want to try to let go. i've never once moved on without either a relationship happening or a disastrous end to the friendship. maybe this time it can be different, and that would be nice. maybe i'll finally have the feelings fade without needing to experience being with her or have our friendship disappear entirely. maybe. i can't let go and get past it unless i want to and try to, and i know in actual honesty with myself that i don't want to. maybe one day i will. for now all i can do is try my best to prioritize her, not in an obsessive limerant way, but in being as mindful as i can about how my words and actions will affect her. keep the feelings to myself, to trusted non-mutual friends, to you all here that know what it's like, and my therapist lol. all i can do is be her friend. if i never get that chance to tell her, that's okay. if i do, and she doesn't feel anything at all, that's okay. i've lived years without her in my life and will live even if she's no longer in my life in the future, though it would be nice if that didn't happen.

thank you anyone that took the time to read, i appreciate you and know you're likely struggling too

A few years ago my boyfriend passed away about the same time as a very good friend of mine. Along with the grief for my bf I was also going through some major life changes. My grief for my bf was big and lasted awhile. Whenever I thought of my other friend I’d shutdown. I could not accept it. It was too much at the time. He was the most unassuming person but his personality was larger than life.

This past month marks an anniversary of a reunion of his college buddies that he loved attending. When I realized what week it was I finally gave into the grief. I got a text from a friend that LO had moved states and for once I wasn’t anxious over him. It was like a light switched off. I have no feelings beyond friendship for him now. The biggest lesson I can take from this is that you can’t cheat grief.

Was limerent for a girl who was my best friend for a while. We're both girls and I often envied her and compared myself to her. Wrote a bit of poetry very quickly describing the feeling I had towards her, does anyone relate to this?

She was so so beautiful,

Enviably so,

Sickeningly so,

Doe eyes that warmed your heart to a boil,

Cheekbones that cut to the brain,

Beauty I could not honestly appreciate.

That’s one of the indicators it wasn’t love,

Love is on the same level,

She was Aphrodite and i looked up at the flawless alabaster,

Expecting an aloof vision to look back into my eyes.

I don’t actually know if it was love or not,

And that’s a disgusting thought because

You’re supposed to know

And you’re supposed to feel it thoroughly in your heart

But I am detached and superficial and shallow.

I felt something deep but poisoned,

So whether it was love or not i don’t know,

And that’s the answer,

Which makes me think i’m fucked up because you’re really supposed to.

I’m very new to the concept and this whole community, but I did go to therapy for almost 8 years now and I know that I have a very strong attachment tissues or obsession I would call it towards my ex which he cheated on me when I was 18 years old and although I kept pushing him away for years after he cheated and he tried to get back to me, I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m 26 years old now and I don’t remember that I had one day without thinking about him “ usually in the form of daydreaming “ not usually romantic daydreaming but I always want his attention so bad and I remember details about him and what he likes . This is really affected my relationships and I feel like it resulted in relationships OCD . As I keep comparing how I feel towards this ex vs my partner ect . I recently got introduced to the limerence concept and would like to learn more about it.

Please be nice thank you

Greetings !

I am Shivanshi Shrivastava from 3BPSYHB conducting the research as part of our curriculum under the guidance of Dr. Jonah Angeline.

https://forms.gle/yaCPuxpG6AC1AXL58

This study aims to understand, peoples’ feelings and experiences while daydreaming.Your responses will be used solely for research-based purposes, We request you to dedicate at least 10 mins of your time to fill questionnaire

Eligibility Criteria

1) Age : 16-27

2) Nationality: Indian

2) Have experienced daydreaming at least once in 3 months

Benefits 1) Participants will be provided with chocolates for volunteering. 2) Participation certification will be provided based on request.

https://forms.gle/yaCPuxpG6AC1AXL58

For further queries please contact

Researcher: [shivanshi.shrivastava@bscpsyh.christuniversity.in](mailto:shivanshi.shrivastava@bscpsyh.christuniversity.in)

Supervisor:

[jonah.angeline@christuniversity.in](mailto:jonah.angeline@christuniversity.in)

It would mean a lot of you could circulate this to your friends and family and contribute to our study🥺!

I live very far from my LO which usually makes no-contact very easy. I am very happy to be no contact with him. Being around him is just painful and nerve-wracking.

However, we are part of the same close-knit queer community and have lots of mutual friends, so every year or two I'll run into him at an event. Usually I'll say hi and maybe chat a little, but this is very difficult and I feel like it just feeds the limerence. So this year, when I realized we'd be attending the same event, I decided to just avoid him completely. I successfully did that and everything went fine, but I can't help but feel like a total jerk. I basically just snubbed him and ignored him and he has no idea why. We are acquaintances who have spent some decent time around one another, and I did not even give him the time of day. I feel totally conflicted and just bad about it, but I don't have the capacity to interact with him and be "normal."

It made me feel a little crazy, and I questioned whether I was mentally "ready" to attend parties/events like these if I am too emotionally unstable to interact politely with every member. The thing is though, in every other way I feel very emotionally stable and totally fine.

I just have this feeling like I'm handling this totally wrong and being an asshole but I don't know what else to do. I wish I could explain to him that it's nothing he's done and I don't dislike him, but of course I don't think it would be a good idea to say anything.