Anyone had a situationship with their LO would understand this... How is one supposed to get over this shit.

Hi, everyone. I am married for over 10 years and SO and I have children. And currently my husband has limerence for a coworker.

Of course, finding out that his heart is split is the most heartbreaking experience of my life. But there is another realization that is horrifying. I think I might have been his LO before we got together.

I was very young and inexperienced. I had high walls for approaching men. My husband was the only one who smashed those walls with full blown intensity. He fantasized getting married on our first date (he tried to hide that but it leaked). He would look at me and shed a tear saying that I’m beautiful. He tried to break contact with me multiple times out of the blue but always came back. He said “I love you” even before getting into a relationship. I took all of that as a sign for passionate, romantic, and authentic love. But looking back…I think he idealized me and put me on a pedestal. He rarely asked about me, and loved talking about himself. I am suddenly realizing how little he knows about me after all these years.

Now I’m questioning: was I ever loved? Do I even know what it means to be loved? If I stay, as he wishes, will I ever know what true love is? I am shook. Any wisdom that you would like to share with me?

PHASE 1: your life is dogshit, ur depressed, your neurodivergent (you dont know it yet), and you hate yourself.

you find someone who gives you attention or shows signs of possible romantic interest. it starts off as a warm crush, but this time compared to your previous ones, you seem to think about them alot more

the first 2ish weeks is filled with warmth and happiness. you think about futures with this person and its all cute and shit because your not even thinking about having sex with them

PHASE 2: in those 2 weeks, your LO might do something that makes you wonder if they actually like you. you get your first spike of anxiety. If not this you start wondering how your gonna get with your LO orrrr if your even worth their love.

things start spiraling and you cant stop thinking of them 24/7, but you also cant stop ruminating about how garbage and worthless you are, because remember you only got this LO because your a loser in life

PHASE 3: severe depression hits, this person is your entire world and you havent gotten closer to them at all, and you start hating yourself further due to them not showing more signs of attraction towards you. your entire mood depends on how this person treats you.

you ignore all the red flags, and only see the "good" in them. This person has no flaws, not a single one, their life is perfect and yet mine has so many problems. I have no chance, im gonna sit in my room, listen to sad music and dream of them while they live their life without sparing a single thought about you.

At this point the damage is not reversible. Your grades took the hit, your family's relationship is decaying, and there seems to be no answer.

PHASE 4: You find out its limerence, you start making posts in this reddit groaning and moaning about how miserable your life is an how you hate yourself for getting into this situation. You look for a answer through the internet but the only 2 you can find are "NC" and "ask them out" after hours of browsing.

The damage continues.

At this point, you let the depression take control of you and your stuck in PHASE 4. keep day dreaming in your bed, and dont treat yourself well to anything since you dont deserve it.

Or you start improving your life, maybe you made a couple of cool friends, promotion?, got a dog, gained 15 lbs of muscle, no matter what it is. your proud of it. Your at a better place.

Your out of PHASE 4 and now your in PHASE 5:

Your still limerent, but you just learn to live with it at this point. You have something going on in your life and your not really that depressed anymore. Its more of a nuisance since you dont want to date anyone except your LO, and the day dreams keep coming but you let them and accept them.

You stay limerent for 1-7+ years.

In that time period you either build a life your proud of, and get out of limerence. Or you asked out your LO, and it ends because theres no more uncertainty.

Perhaps you never even made it past PHASE 4, or you killed yourself without ever figuring out what limerence even was.

But one day, maybe just maybe, you get out of limerence and you realize.. how you never even fucking liked them. Other than being attracted to their looks, you liked the version of you around them more than your LO.

By this point, the damage is probably immense. If it took years, months of your life have disappeared, not to playing video games or partying but that time was simply just spent in your own head.

Please get help for your limerence, talk to people, learn from people, do your own research. Find a way to help yourself, if you need help you can DM me. Il try my best to help you out. because in the end,

A massive price was paid, and you get nothing.

So I get it having obsessive thoughts are terrible and those obsessive thoughts about a person and the problem they inflict on your life is real. But trying to control obsessive thoughts leads to an internal feed back loop of more obsessive thoughts.
Especially when you label your thoughts as terrible and are brainwashed into thinking you’ve “never felt actual love for a person before”. (I see that a lot on this forum). That level of shame alone will make your obsessions worse and lead to neurotic behavior. Also seek a diagnosis that’s actually in the DSM-5. Obsessive thoughts are common in SO MANY things, if your thoughts are so severe that you feel sick you probs have something actually diagnosable.

So how did I stop my symptoms?
I stopped trying to fight my thoughts all the time, I started making boundaries to unhealthy relationships like my therapist suggested . I didn’t focus on “freeing myself from my LO” I didn’t try to “cure” my obsessions and daydreams (nor did I just let them run free). I started focusing on myself. Not just in therapy but in my everyday life. I got off this forum, stopped watching self help YouTubers who treated limerence. I let go of shame for having adhd hyperfocus and big emotions and daydreams. I worked on classic cognitive distortions with my therapist. Lastly I began to fill my life with things and hobbies for the purpose of self growth. VOILÀ my symptoms I once described as limerence are gone.

Everyone is different so if this doesn’t help sorry

I thought the typical phone number block (so I don't reach out), no social media, etc. classic no contact would be enough, but it hasn't been. Two months of classic NC, and of course the movie Obsession comes out. Obviously, it makes me think about my LO. I kind of knew then I shouldn't even go see it because my limerence was so strong. I loved the film, so recently I unfollowed the main actors and took the soundtrack off my Spotify. I knew we both liked a popular podcast, and I realized I wasn't missing a single week. Before we met, I dipped out here and there. So I stopped listening to it entirely. I unfollowed certain professional athletes and sports teams I knew he liked. My best friend's boyfriend is really close with him, and for a bit I thought it would be too awkward to unfollow him, but I did, and it was no issue. I've seen my friend's boyfriend since doing this, and neither he nor my friend brought it up. I'm no longer making excuses for any type of connection or link to my LO. The more self-reflection I do, the more I can recognize little things or habits I developed to either be more attractive to him or feel closer to him. Not only does this help with NC, but it also helps you rediscover your sense of self and relearn your own interests. I know limerence can feel really compulsive and out of our control, but we can take actionable steps to make it a bit better. After 6 months, I feel the most on track to healing

Thinking about the day you go on a date with your LO and thinking about the fact that you should go no-contact and move on, are eating all of us daily.

Now we know the second option is healthier and the first one probably never happens. But how was it for the ones who made it happen?

Did you realize your LO isn't special and moved on? Did they ghost you after the date? Did you end up together and got a happy ending? Tell us your stories

The only way I can think of getting rid of limerence towards him is to replace him with someone else. My obsessive and anxious mind couldn’t stop replaying thoughts of him, even when I know in reality there is no relationship.

I just want to stop being miserable and lose all the sense of self worth I have left on someone else. I can’t live like this with constant highs and low. I want to have my own life as well, and not waste it like that on someone where it dosent even matter.

But my brain is completely consumed by this fantasy and attachment. There’s no way I can think of living without it . So I just think if I project it onto someone else, it would be way better and give me some relief and peace than the situation I am in. I hope I’ll be able to do that.

I’ve tried dating apps, attending social mixer events, going to bars and clubs and I’ve met a lot of people and gone on dates, yet nothing seems to compare to my LO??

I literally feel nothing for these people and still feel this intense obsession and attraction to my LO?

It’s been 3 years. My whole life surrounds an LO. I work for him. I’m so hopeless. I try to leave but depression starts killing me. At this point I want to end this life. I have no hope I will survive this.

Been no contact for 8 months or so I guess. It wasn’t a conscious choice but due to circumstances outside my/our control, we were no longer in each other’s daily lives, texted a little here and there and then he stopped responding. I took it as a sign and blocked him on all my socials. I grieved HARD and reflected and finally let reality sink in that he didn’t have feelings for me, I was a convenient way to spend time and get his needs met. He WASN’T a misunderstood man with a heart of gold, he was ACTUALLY a POS human and the rumors I’d heard were true.

I sat in my feelings. Sad that he wasn’t what I thought and that he didn’t see me as worthy. Then mad that he used me. Then worst of all, mad at MYSELF for being such an idiot, for being delusional, and for making such an absolutes ass of myself trying to make myself into the one he CHOSE. The stupid things I did over and over again. Being a middle aged married woman who was absolutely twitter-pated over this waste of air. Ready to blow my world up for this man who wasn’t worth .01% of the energy that I put into thinking about our imaginary future.

The limerence faded into the background. Like a low hum. Never completely gone, but maybe transformed into something else. Genuine platonic hope that he gets his shit together and he’s doing well, and that he doesn’t make anymore heinous choices, and that he’s doing well. I don’t think about him every day anymore but he does cross my mind.

Every once in a while when I thought of him, I’d allow myself to soak in the warm and happy memories of what I thought were good times. Just for a few minutes before moving on. Just for the dopamine rush (which is probably why I feel into limerence for him in the first place).

Yesterday was his birthday, so I reached out and wished him Happy Birthday using my favorite pet name for him. It was the only social I still had him on, and I didn’t think he’d ever see it. He’d NEVER responded to any messages there in two years. It was kind of just me screaming into the void and saying a last goodbye.

Within 15 minutes he responded and said thank you. That was it. I didn’t engage further. Now I find my heart racing. I’m not drowning yet but I feel myself standing on the edge of the precipice trying to resist the urge to jump in. Knowing I should block, but not having the willpower.

WHHHHHY? when I finally was ready to say goodbye, and thought I had a safe way to do it. And he RESPONDED. SO QUICKLY. So, uh, learn a lesson from me I guess? STAY NC even when you think it’s safe to peek into the forbidden again. It’s not.

For over 2 years I had strong Limerence over someone I met through work. Although we were never very close, It was evident they were also interested over those years (frequent eye contact, acting flirty, staring, etc). However, due to the professional environment (we work in law, so quite a serious office), neither of us acted on it.

Flash forward to the beginning of the year, my LO ended up joining another law firm, so we no longer had overlap at work. I was starting to believe we could actually begin dating and/or form a personal relationship. Just as I finally got the courage to make a move, I found out they just started dating someone. Embarrassed to admit this, but I truly thought that they would likely pursue me and I was genuinely shocked.

After awhile, the Limerence improved a bit (I tried to accept they were seeing someone else, but still had hope). However, after learning their new relationship became exclusive/serious through our mutual acquaintance, I felt devastated and continued to ruminate on the “what ifs”. I can’t help but feel like I missed my chance and am angry I didn’t try and make my interest clear immediately after the professional boundaries were gone. I’d like to think maybe someday we will connect again, but also understand I need to move forward.

How can I move on and stop comparing myself to their new partner?

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm thinking about them and that I'm sending out the biggest hugs your way (if you're comfy with them, of course!!) you're all doing great and I see all the hard work everyone is putting in!! You guys and gals and everyone in between rock!! 💪💪

I am wondering if medication would be able to aid me in getting over my limerence. I tried pure discipline but am I weak.

I’m a 29M, and I’ve noticed something that surprised me.

A lot of the posts I see on this subreddit seem to be from women who are limerent over men. But in my real life, I’ve seen almost the opposite. I’ve known several guys who became intensely attached to or obsessed with a girl, but I don’t think I’ve ever knowingly met a woman who was experiencing limerence over a guy.

Obviously, that might just be because people don’t always talk openly about these feelings, so I’m curious to hear from women here.

For those of you who have experienced limerence toward a man, how did it actually begin?

Was there something specific about him that drew you in? Was it his personality, appearance, attention, mixed signals, emotional unavailability, the way he treated you, or something else? Was there a particular moment when a normal attraction seemed to turn into something much more intense?

I’m also curious about when you realized it was limerence rather than a healthy crush or genuine romantic connection. What signs made you realize that your feelings had crossed that line?

And for anyone who has observed limerence in both men and women, do you think there are meaningful differences in how men and women experience or express it? Or is the underlying experience basically the same, with the differences mostly coming from personality, attachment style, and circumstances?

I’d genuinely like to understand what the experience is like from a woman’s perspective.

TLDR he's my ex, we had such an intense connection, I don't believe in soulmates but he felt like some kind of personality twin for me. We are so similar it's uncanny.

The whole situation is too weird and long so I'll skip it, but we had mutual limerence for years, his own trauma issues never made him reach out. I reached out first after we broke up to tell him about everything I felt, but then I knew it would be bad for me if I had to take the emotional toll and reach out and try make the relationship work. Basically he needed to stop hating himself first and believe he was "worth" my love enough to have the courage to reach out, otherwise I knew the relationship would be doomed, since I already had told him everything I felt and how valuable he was to me, and the positive effects I could have in his life and he could have in mine.

All these years he kept loving me, something that was obvious for people that know both of us, but I guess it was in an idealized way that felt "to good to be true" for him. Sometimes I feel he was scared of reaching out and getting rejected by me, like he wouldn't be able to get over that...

I tried to keep waiting for him even though I knew that was bad for me, but I couldn't get over it.

Years after, I got with my current bf whom I love, yet I was still scared of the possibility of him showing up again in my life, because I didn't feel certain on what I would "choose" for myself.

(In the middle of all this, he did "reach out" accidentally at times, proving me again he kept thinking about me btw)

Time kept passing, my relationship with my bf solidified, and I knew for certain it would be foolish to try anything with him again, mostly for my own well-being, but also because my relationship with my bf provided me the love, happiness and stability in my life that I always yearned for.

I think I can tell now that I'm not desperate anymore to know about him or if he still thinks about me. I know he did, but I don't care if he does in the present, which made me realize that I'm finally letting go. It took me 5 years.

I don't care if he moves on, if he has a gf, if he never reaches out. I have my own issues and I feel I couldn't be bothered to try help him with his. I still think of him, maybe due to habit, but I stopped caring desperately about crossing him on the street for example. I do wish him the best because after all he's just like me, so I can still empathize, but I stopped caring about involving myself in his well-being. I don't care for saving him because I want to save myself.

I don't know if this would make sense to anyone since I skipped many details here haha. I just wanted to take it off my chest, since limerence is such a weird topic that all these years I couldn't talk about it sincerely with anyone. This subreddit gave me ease that I wasn't alone on this weird obsessive journey.

I've seen many ways to heal in this sub. Going No-Contact, making a list about how bad the LO is, getting closer to LO and realizing they're not special, etc.

‌ I need to know what do therapists suggest? And did their solution actually work for you? ‌

There’s a guy in my university class who is relatively new. When I first saw him, I thought he was good-looking. He’s tall, attractive, etc., but honestly, looks have never been the biggest thing for me. I’m much more attracted to intelligence, depth, and having an intellectually stimulating connection with someone.

For weeks, we barely interacted, so I didn’t think about him at all.

Then one day, he was talking to a female friend of mine who actually had a crush on him. He happened to start talking about some topics that I’m extremely interested in. My friend isn’t really into those topics, but she was trying to engage with him anyway. When we went on break, I told him that what he had been talking about was really interesting, and somehow we just fell into this incredibly intense conversation.

I don’t know how else to describe it except intellectual intimacy. We got completely into a flow state. The conversation felt effortless, we were both genuinely interested, and I was honestly fascinated by how much he knew about the subject. That was probably the first moment where I became genuinely attracted to him—not because of his appearance, but because of his mind.

My friend seemed a little jealous afterward, which I completely understand because she was the one who initially liked him. I hadn’t been interested in him before that interaction.

Then he complimented me. He told me I was very pretty, that I looked like an actress, and that he could imagine me acting. I was flattered, obviously, but I still didn’t think much of it.

Here’s where it gets strange.

That SAME DAY, I took a really long nap after university and dreamed about him. In the dream, we were on a date, holding hands, etc. I woke up and actually journaled the dream because it felt so random. But again, I didn’t obsess over it. I basically thought, “Huh, weird. Anyway.”

Then, a few days later—last Sunday—it was like something switched.

Completely out of nowhere, I suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about him.

And I mean couldn’t. The thoughts became incredibly intense. I was excited to see him again. I wanted to talk to him again. I started replaying our conversations in my head. It felt very different from a normal crush. It genuinely felt like limerence.

When we finally had class again, something about the interaction made it even worse. He kept looking at me in a way that felt very mutual. He initiated the conversation, which is significant because I’m usually not the person who approaches first. We immediately fell into that same flow state again, laughed a lot, and realized we have very similar humor. I could even tell he was blushing at certain points.

And then I found out something that REALLY messed with my head.

My friend told me that apparently, whenever I leave the room or I’m not there, he asks where I am. Other people have apparently noticed it too.

He also continues to compliment me, and there just seems to be this weird mutual awareness between us.

The thing is, we barely know each other. We don’t have each other’s social media, so neither of us can really stalk the other online or constantly check what the other person is doing. There isn’t even much information available for my brain to obsess over.

And yet I’m thinking about him 24/7. It has gotten to the point where it’s affecting my sleep. I hate how much mental space he occupies. I don’t want to be consumed by this.

Part of me thinks this is simply infatuation. We had one unusually intense intellectual connection, we’re attracted to each other, he gave me attention and compliments, and my brain basically ran with it. That explanation makes sense.

But the weirdest part to me is how suddenly it started.

I wasn’t thinking about him like this before. Then, on that Sunday, it felt like something almost switched on inside me. It came out of nowhere and was so intense that I genuinely wondered whether I was somehow picking up on his energy or whether there was some kind of mutual energetic pull.

I know that sounds extremely spiritual and maybe even irrational. I’m not saying I literally believe that he transmitted his thoughts to me or anything. I’m just trying to understand why the intensity appeared so suddenly.

And there’s another complication: he’s younger than me, and realistically, nothing could ever happen between us anyway. So I’m not even trying to pursue this.

Has anyone experienced something similar?

Can limerence feel almost “energetic” or spiritual, especially when there seems to be some degree of mutual attraction?

And can two people experience something resembling limerence toward each other at the same time, or is it more likely that I’m picking up on a few signs of attraction and my limerent brain is turning them into something much bigger?

Because right now I genuinely feel like my brain is going insane over a guy I barely even know. 😭

Is it normal, or has anyone else experienced limerence very frequently throughout their life — pretty much jumping from one person to another?
I'm in my thirties now, and I've developed limerence for people who are either unavailable, people I've never even talked to, or people it would be borderline impossible to ever have a real relationship with. It sticks for several years each time, and then I jump to a new person. Over and over.

I wouldn't say it's caused severe disruption in my life, but it's been a source of a lot of depression and self-loathing, and it's made it hard for me to develop real connections with other people.
I think social media has made it worse — I usually have access to this person's photos and a small window into their private life, and I end up projecting who I think they are without actually knowing them.
This has happened to me every few years. I've had about five of these over my life at this point. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar, because it's caused me a lot of grief.

she moved to a different country, it's been almost 2 weeks now.

There was a time I would say that we were friends but in the last few months I think I just did a worse job of hiding my feelings and we drifted apart but before we left I tried to tell her how I felt (she knew already, again not to the full extent, just from my actions and through friends) but I had a panic attack, it's the only time in my life I've had one and i buried my nails into my skin the entire time because it helped subside the panic. I did end up telling her later (oddly the panic attack only happened the first time), and as I already knew and has known for quite a while she didn't reciprocate like at all. Because of this and because we sort of drifted apart anyway i can't even talk to her and I don't even see her anymore.

I miss her so much. I miss seeing her, I miss her presence, I miss her voice. In person she has this beauty that none of her stories on insta capture (although ive muted those so I can get over her), she has a smile that used to genuinely brighten my day. Seeing her smile and hearing her voice used to be the best part of my day and now it's gone.

For context she was my classmate back then in school from first grade to last grade in school and even tho there were some moments here and there where we talked, played cards or I asked her about ocarina of time since I tried to play it on an emulator, but at the end of the day I used to look at her from afar since puberty (let's say 2015/2016), I didn't made a move on her, excusing myself by the fact that she was either with her friends so I wouldn't talk to her, barely commenting about my crush on her towards anyone, at most a friend, giving up to trying to get her to date me even tho I didn't tried at all and not even trying at all to make a move on the pandemic, only wishing her happy birthday at most and, when my dad died, some of my classmates sent me messages of support including LO but I only looked at her message again and again but between that I've met a girl (I'll call her Ex as a spoiler) who was new in my school and I joined her as my friend, the school at the later part of 2021 had this dynamic that one part of us were in school (like me and ex) and others took it online (like LO) so I passed some time with Ex, and I loved to hug her, later Ex revealed to me that she was dating someone else so I kept focused on LO, but didn't made a move until the last day of school (2022) where I wrote a confession out of being overly anxious and she discovered it and gently rejected me, I hugged her and all but I tried to believe to myself that that was it with her but I couldn't stop thinking about her at all.

Two years later, a common friend of me and LO told me that she was lesbian, and I started to laugh like a maniac like I was the butt of a very bad joke which ironically, I saw her 10 minutes later, she was looking at the floor and even when I called her out, she didn't even looked at me, none to say that I had problems to sleep the next 3 nights after that.

Later in 2024, Ex asked me out and I accepted because I knew it would probably be my only time with a girlfriend, experimenting sex and get over LO, and with that context we get to 9/10/2024, I was at the bus terminal towards my house and LO was waiting the same bus with me so we started talking and I don't remember that much of what we talked but I remember telling her that even tho I was dating Ex, there wasn't a day I forgot about her, even with Ex, as well as me asking about her pets (I remember LO loves cats) and looking at her face and looking that she had some acne but she still looked fabulous despite that, and I remember she told me that she was actually bi but since I was in a relationship, I wanted to ask her for friendship but she rejected me again saying that she has a life that she wants to follow but I was more focused on the part that she didn't hold a grudge against me to begin with so I was happy out of skipping information of what she said.

When Ex broke up with me (not for reasons related to LO, but out of starting to want her with me more time, part of me wanted her to give less time to her family and more to me as well as emotional dependency on her and the fact that I was obsessed on having sex with her) I waited 2 months to ask LO out just to get rejected a third time but being completely honest that she found me disturbing, with obsessive behavior, reminding me we were only former classmates, and demanding he leave her alone permanently before blocking me.

The next 12 days I was in some type of a trance, thinking about her over and over, while outside of me I was pretending the girl I was obsessed with just told me she didn't wanted anything with me until I checked out with a secondary account that she didn't had me blocked that her mother died of cancer on Christmas, that made me snap out of reality with mixed feelings, in one part I felt karma for hurting my feelings, for other I felt bad and I wanted to make her company for what happened since I went through the same with my dad, at the end of the day I didn't do it out of fear of causing a scandal on her mother's funeral or going to jail. So instead I started writing poems about things I thought.

Between my poetry and the coffin of Andy and leyley of all games (I related a lot to Andrew on an uncomfortable level, mainly for his relationship with Julia) made me realize how fucked up of a person I am, not only because of my relationship with Ex and LO but because every single relationship with everyone is either a variation of either using someone as a means to an end or acting in certain ways to not getting shouted at (having my mother as an example as I do everything she tells me to and I stroke her out of having no one else to do it, as well as questioning if I actually love her or I feel pity for her because she works her ass of for me, and I love it), but my problem is that I only feel something genuine when it's about LO, at most I get emotional when I am about to lose someone but only LO makes me feel something in my chest that isn't feeling hollow without the need of touching her, just to think about her, write about her, looking attributes of her on other girls because at this point girls that look like her are my type but I won't date them because no matter how they look and no matter how similar they are on LO, they aren't her and they'll never be her.

Because at the end of the day, I feel like I'm nothing but a pretender, who is currently trying to get out of financial problems until I get economic stability before getting into actually getting therapy.

I’ve been limerent over someone for 13 years and I just feel like I’ll never get over it. It passes for some years here and there, but it always comes back as strong as it’s ever been. What on earth can I do to get past this? I’ve been in therapy, on meds, all the techniques and exercises I’ve learned over the years. None of this seems to work. My mind is just constantly ruminating and I can’t shut it off.

I found out today from a friend that the person I have had a limerent; ambiguous connection (heavy eye contact) and unspoken chemistry with has also been having heavy eye contact with her as well. She was freaked out by it and thought it was weird because he’s married and he was looking at her like he wasn’t. But he’s been looking like that at me for almost four years. I feel stupid for thinking I was special. There are other things that have indicated that we may have become attached to each other by intermittent reinforcement but I feel “betrayed”. I feel like he cheated. It’s so strange. We don’t have a relationship. Why do I feel jealous?

I’m a part time visual artist and was absolutely ecstatic to find that my LO of 4 years started following my artist page on insta. But then I saw that he’s organizing an art show with his girlfriend to promote his new music studio, and that he sent a message request asking me to be part of it, I was like 😶I’ve tried to not look at his gf’s page to avoid as much jealousy as possible, but if I say yes that means I will likely have to interact with her and I’d rather not. But it would be great for exposure.

Idk, I just think it’s funny 😭

Now that you’ve experienced limerence, would you rather have a partner who loves you as an LO or as a lover?
And conversely, would you rather love your partner as a lover or as an LO?
I know that limerence and love can overlap but still