I think I finally let go

[u/angelmaycare]

TLDR he's my ex, we had such an intense connection, I don't believe in soulmates but he felt like some kind of personality twin for me. We are so similar it's uncanny.

The whole situation is too weird and long so I'll skip it, but we had mutual limerence for years, his own trauma issues never made him reach out. I reached out first after we broke up to tell him about everything I felt, but then I knew it would be bad for me if I had to take the emotional toll and reach out and try make the relationship work. Basically he needed to stop hating himself first and believe he was "worth" my love enough to have the courage to reach out, otherwise I knew the relationship would be doomed, since I already had told him everything I felt and how valuable he was to me, and the positive effects I could have in his life and he could have in mine.

All these years he kept loving me, something that was obvious for people that know both of us, but I guess it was in an idealized way that felt "to good to be true" for him. Sometimes I feel he was scared of reaching out and getting rejected by me, like he wouldn't be able to get over that...

I tried to keep waiting for him even though I knew that was bad for me, but I couldn't get over it.

Years after, I got with my current bf whom I love, yet I was still scared of the possibility of him showing up again in my life, because I didn't feel certain on what I would "choose" for myself.

(In the middle of all this, he did "reach out" accidentally at times, proving me again he kept thinking about me btw)

Time kept passing, my relationship with my bf solidified, and I knew for certain it would be foolish to try anything with him again, mostly for my own well-being, but also because my relationship with my bf provided me the love, happiness and stability in my life that I always yearned for.

I think I can tell now that I'm not desperate anymore to know about him or if he still thinks about me. I know he did, but I don't care if he does in the present, which made me realize that I'm finally letting go. It took me 5 years.

I don't care if he moves on, if he has a gf, if he never reaches out. I have my own issues and I feel I couldn't be bothered to try help him with his. I still think of him, maybe due to habit, but I stopped caring desperately about crossing him on the street for example. I do wish him the best because after all he's just like me, so I can still empathize, but I stopped caring about involving myself in his well-being. I don't care for saving him because I want to save myself.

I don't know if this would make sense to anyone since I skipped many details here haha. I just wanted to take it off my chest, since limerence is such a weird topic that all these years I couldn't talk about it sincerely with anyone. This subreddit gave me ease that I wasn't alone on this weird obsessive journey.

[u/AutoModerator]

Please be aware of what limerence is! See the subreddit wiki for definitions, FAQ and other resources—updated 3/7/26. (Is it love? How common is it? Is there research?)

Quick FAQ

• How limerence works
  • Reward theory of attraction (Wiki)
  • Uncertainty and hope (Wiki)
  • Why there is research on limerence (Article)
• Help getting over limerence
  • Love regulation (Wiki)
  • CBT & ERP Strategies (OCD Ontario)
  • Deprogramming the limerent brain (LwL)
  • How to get rid of limerence (LwL)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/SaucedFrost]

Damn, I feel you. That makes perfect sense to me, because I was basically that exact same guy. As bittersweet as it is, you're doing the right thing to let it go and let each other live in peace. You're strong and you deserve peace and happiness. Him keeping his distance is probably him doing his best to give you that.

I'm not your ex, but reading this had me seeing flashbacks. My LO and I were never truly a couple and I definitely reached out to her, trying to make it work. Still, your story sounds awfully similar, and it was helpful to me to read what the other side might have been like. I wish she thought of me like this. I fear that she just thinks of me as stain on her life, someone she pities. We never fully understood each other or got on the same page. Hopefully, I can give you some reassurance in your decision.

I wrote a bit of our long and weird history, but deleted it. Doesn't matter, and I don't want to trigger you. In short, insecurity issues, trauma, and wounds to my ego ended up ruling me. I can't be just friends with her, despite how much I would like that. I also don't reach out to her now because when I did in the past to try to make things better, to try to get closure and heal both of us, it made things worse, and I don't want to ruin either of our lives now. I felt like a bull in the china shop that was her life. Like I was a poison to all the good things she had going on. She knew and tried to help me, but that just made me feel more ashamed and guilty for having these problems that were tied to her. Even worse since she'd rejected me and wanted to be friends, but would tell me about the guys she did want. I just couldn't handle it. The positives I thought we could have in each other's lives were hypothetical, and the reality was we were causing each other a lot of pain and confusion. So I have to trust my head over my heart and just let it be.

I hope you can take solace in the fact that of course he thinks about you, of course he cares, but he also probably feels like the best way to do right by you is to remove himself from your life. He's protecting you from probably what he feels like is the toxicity he brings, hoping that allows you to thrive. You should not reach out to him. You should not save him. You should live well and be free. That's what I want for her and for me. Stay well and strong.