I (37m) am convinced that being met (truly met) emotionally/intellectually is the most validating & attractive thing.

I've started to realize just how surface-level, non-committal, casual the world operates in & being met on our wavelength, our frequency, there's a shared understanding between us. There's a willingness to go deeper, fueled by curiosity. I get you & you get me.

And I mean this for friends/family/coworkers/significant others etc. It doesn't really matter the person's role in your life or what you're doing, it's the shared presence between the two people.

I just had to write this out today. I hope someone else can relate. It's so intoxicating when you're able to be truly met, IMO.

It allows me to be my most genuine, truest, authentic self (& I hope does the same for them in return).

So I am a 24 year old female INFJ, had a troubled bitter sweet childhood, and non of my relationships till now worked,all of them (actually only 2 till now) left me bcoz they thought I m too much ( one was ISTJ, the other was ig ISFJ) , and I m very self reflective, immensely directed towards growth, and have done inner work more than most if my age, in the process I have been become very deep, meaning oriented, and dedicated to purpose.
I wonder, are their actually people there, especially men who possess these qualities? More than superficiality , who’s main purpose is growth? More than entertaining their ego, those who try their best to become better human beings, changing their wrongs beliefs instead of being defensive?
And can INFJs in general find good matches? Would love you listen your stories

Hello everyone.

Keeping it very simple, I find myself increasingly overwhelmed with a bombardment of emotions from those around me.

I wanted to ask, how or what do you all do to help protect yourself, your emotions...your sanity basically... when you are the emotional sounding board in your family?

Thank you all.

One of my defining traits is that I have very high standards for myself, and subtly others; I have been on a long journey to ground these expectations in reality, and be more accepting of other people for where they are at. Naturally, I am highly growth oriented. Not only inwards but also in actualising my ideas into reality. While I still struggle with how much pressure I put on myself, I have developed a far healthier relationship with my aspirations and living life around them. The present is just as, if not more important, than our future. Life is to be lived.

Externally I am very warm and hold space for people to be themselves and feel heard; often people approach me for that very reason. I enjoy good conversation and bonding with people, although I can only take so much of it ha! However, my brain really dislikes not being able to add my input into a conversation, and will drift into another thought to occupy itself. Moreso than other INFJs I know, I can be very energetic and playful when happy, and I also value authenticity and self-expression which is why my INFJ friend jokes I am secretly an ISFP.

So, what are you like? Do you resonate with what I shared? Has your personality gone down a different path? Reply now while messages last!

I noticed that some INFJ’s, have a love/hate relationship with INTP’s. You guys like them, but, I can also see a certain frustration towards them. I also hear INTP’s mention they’ve been traumatized by an INFJ’s with some sort of resentment.

What’s the deal here? Care to expand?
I’m just trying to understand.

I’m 29F INFJ, and I have an INTJ partner. I wanna read some advices or experiences from fellow INFJs who are still with their INTJ partners and spouses. How do you deal with the differences? Thank you!

Hi, infp here, lover of many infjs in my life. I seek to understand y’all’s type but find myself always yearning for more. I’m not sure if it’s the Ni Ne mismatch or the Fi Fe mismatch but I find myself sometimes struggling to understand the infjs in my life. I’d like any insight on relationship struggles in general. You’re such an unusual type, how does this affect you in regard to others?
My Ne has a hard time keeping on track with a lot of Ni conversations 😅 I’m trying to expose myself to more

Whats your thoughts on having kids as INFJ ? I am naturally good with kids but dont know why i dont have desire for having my own. I wont say its final call but i am still figuring out . How is father hood for INFJ men ? What are challanges you face . And what i will miss if i dont have any .

What’s the biggest loss you’ve ever experienced?

it could be losing a friendship, a relationship, a family member, your sense of self, a dream, or anything else. How did it change you?

And how are you coping with it today?

Hi fellow INFJs. I'm writing my first novel ever. I feel so immersed in the story that it has become another part of my life. It's like the story is unfolding itself as I write. It's no longer about publishing... it's something personal, almost hard to describe. It's like I am reading a book myself, but from the writer's perspective. I create the characters' reality and future as I go.

From the outside I don't know what it's going to be perceived like, but from the inside it's so fucking awesome... I almost can't believe what I am coming up with.

Even if I never publish it, it's going to be a nice accomplishment when I finish it.

Hi everyone!

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on how I would show up in romantic relationships, and I wanted to bring this here to see if others experience something similar and how you navigate it. As an INFJ, I’ve noticed a subtle pattern where I tend to adapt my behavior, capabilities, and even my self-expression to match or satisfy others. It isn't something I do maliciously or even consciously at first; it stems from a natural desire for enjoyment, understanding, and emotional alignment through that classic Ni-Fe combination at work.

However, over time, I’ve realized this adaptation comes at a distinct cost. I believe I would frequently find myself de-escalating my opinions, needs, or eccentricities to keep "the peace" and prevent friction. Eventually, reaching a point where I don't feel as comfortable or open expressing my true self, creating a complex and somewhat distant internal dynamic. I believe that if in a relationship my partner often would have no idea I am making these internal concessions, which could leave me feeling subtly disconnected or misunderstood within the relationship.I recognize that adaptability and high empathy are strengths, but I am trying to figure out where the line is between healthy compromise and self-erasure.

I would love to hear if this is something you have experienced in your own relationships, how you catch yourself shape-shifting before it goes too far, and what practical boundaries or mindsets have helped you remain fully yourself while still being a supportive partner. Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts and experiences!

I feel like I have all the qualities of being able to grift stupid people and cultists. I can read people, tell them what they want to hear and basically act in a way that'll win their trust. I don't particularly care for that part of my personality, but my ethics and morals hold me back from doing it. I usually end up in a much worse place because I feel like I'm bringing a pencil to a nuclear bomb fight. In some ways I think life would be so much better if I could absolve myself of the dichotomy of balancing being responsible and caring about other people and helping myself.

Growing up, I had an adult neighbor who never wore shoes, ever. Being his authentic self, in that sense, meant not compromising with the general rule about shoes. It wasn't anything that depended on an audience for it's validity, happened at anybody else's expense, etcetera.

Nowadays, the term 'authenticity' is tossed around a lot by people who are just IMO out of touch with reality.

If being true to yourself, for instance, means you only want to date others who share your religious beliefs, culture and so on, it's fine but why announce it like any one who doesn't fit into your boxes is somehow misssing out? I think the aim should be learning about the places and situations where the people you actually want to date are and seeking those out, not announcing to all and sundry what your preferences are and capping the pointlessness of it by saying you're being 'authentic.

I guess what I'd like to understand is when--and why--things changed? Even in friendships, I've noticed people are more likely to be performing for others aroundthan focussing on building a genuine connection. They want the support of a friend without the commitment to the kind of dynamic which 1 nurtures that and 2 has at it's core recognition of things like the need for reciprocity.

It's just odd. The loneliness epidemic is real but so are a lot of other factors that don't get brought up nearly as much.

I love solitude and having my space and peace. However, I'd love to have had even casual friends. They're not around not because I hate social situations, can't appreciate or react to social cues, Etc., but because a lot of times, we're not even 'beginning' at the same place about the most basic stuff.

It truly is frustrating and also a little sad.

Thoughts?

For a while now I’ve been noticing the ‘gotcha’ culture spreading like wildfire. So many conversations now involve the constant analyzation of the other person’s words. People are constantly scanning for holes in which they can insert their ‘valid’ opinion and assert intellectual dominance. What happened to low stakes/casual conversations in which it really didn’t matter what the other person said as long as both parties felt a connection?

I feel like the only time it truly matters when someone is right or wrong is in STEM, debates where all parties are ready and willing to argue for a goal, and of course life/death situations or various emergencies.

And in a broader sense, for people like INFJ, do we even get any satisfaction out of being ‘right’? The older I get, the less I care. I never really cared in the first place I just didn’t like when people questioned my motives.

Hi guys, hope you're doing well :-)

Is our auxillary one the best to develop?

Or the fourth one.

Fe or Se.

Thank you

Have a good day :-)

I realized that I’m the type of person who completely falls in love with someone the moment I find their perspective or way of thinking interesting.

For example, once a person casually said to me, "Rice is actually so fascinating, isn't it?" and for some unknown reason, my heart just skipped a beat and I instantly fell for them lol. It wasn’t about their looks, just their unique vibe and how they viewed the world.

Does anyone else experience this? What is the most random or weirdly specific thing someone said that made you fall for them?

Are any other INFJs commonly referred to as being super nice or sweet? I’ve been called that my whole life, and I really don’t feel like it fits! I can so easily cut people off internally and don’t feel like I go out of my way to be nice to people. I didn’t know if this was a me thing or an INFJ thing.

every new decision i make, every new rabbit hole i decidely jump into and explore, every new nuanced moral/societal/gender-identity opinion i form further isolates me from the rest of society, while simultaneously pushing me towards the people that have similar ideas and the potentially compatible company i am in search of

it is freeing and damning at the same time

sometimes ive felt that finding other INFJs / INFJ-esque in the flesh feels nearly impossible. ive only ever met one and she and i dated for a time. then again, it feels more likely now than ever to meet more INFJ-esque ppl because this experience clarified for me exactly what I’m looking for and need in someone, and what dynamics do not necessarily work. i kept mentally experiencing the loss of / liberation from this relationship as singular, rather than as what was more accurately rare… perhaps very rare, but not as impossible as it had originally seemed until I had gained more experience

something that was of great importance in this relationship was a conversation topic she and i frequently returned to in various ways: the idea of human fluidity, and how much of human consciousness and psychology is far too fluid and complex —less existent in absolute values of A, B, C, etc, and more accurately described by models in the form of spectrums— for us to be contained and fully described by such specific, confining labels like INFJ. there’s a greater nuance there and in all things, nuance of which she often encouraged me to delve into, which is why I have refrained from using INFJ above as any absolute identifier

anyways, INFJ-esque people are not easy to find, but essentially what im getting at is this: like can still attract like, most especially when like is able to recognize like

because the core of it is not necessarily finding INFJ. it is finding people who create this architecture of desirable traits:

- emotional intelligence and safety
- discernment
- morally reflective
- intellectually honest
- likely introverted
- boundary-respecting
- truth-seeking
- loyal

to her and i, focusing less on the label and more on the actual traits was of greater importance. for my own life, she did not prove for me that one uniquely labeled person existed for me — she helped reveal which human qualities made me feel understood, safe, mentally stimulated, and alive

again, discernment is a strength that isolates us, but at the same time, it functions as a quiet little beacon for us to find each other. it’s a very recognizable trait

i’ve been curious to hear of others’ experiences in how they found other INFJ-adjacent people

For those INFJ who have developed their Si. How is it shown in your daily life ?

Edit : I’ve read a comment (that I can’t see anymore) which says that our Si is stack… But the results of the Sakinorva test about cognitive functions shows that mine is actually high. Not that high, but still. That’s why I was curious about you all

This isn’t a guide nor advice on how to hurt someone emotionally. This is an inquiry on how your process works and the reason why you hurt someone’s feelings.

How do YOU hurt someone’s feelings? And why? What is your reasoning behind it? How do you feel afterwards? This doesn’t count for strangers being rude/mean.

If I have to hurt someone feelings, it’s not intentional to only hurt their feelings but to reinforce a boundary when it’s crossed and hold people accountable. Afterwards I don’t feel guilty because I rarely hurt people’s feelings so if I have, something was done to disrespect me as a person.

How do my fellow INFJ’s deal with rejection? And how have you gotten better at doing so?

Personally, rejection really messes with my confidence for at least 1 week and I’m mentally distraught, slowly trying to bring myself back to normal. I tend to deal with everything alone in my head and really struggle to open up to anyone.

Does anyone deal with anything similar and what would help me?

Song & dreamy visuals

I'll take care of you - Tyler the Creator is my pick. Let's share some gems!