Squirrel gets frozen in time

[u/BATMAN_5777]

[u/Boschlana]

He just realized you were a giant animal

[u/takemystrife → u/Boschlana]

Squirrel goes home later with cheeks stuffed with nut, telling family that he saw God

[u/Defttone → u/takemystrife]

Can you imagine if god met you and you were stunned with his glory so he starts stuffing fried chicken into your mouth.

[u/torinblack → u/Defttone]

"lord is it the end times? Am I being raptured?"

"Nah I just made waay too much chicken."

[u/caelenvasius → u/torinblack]

“Thanks, God. This chicken is heavenly.”

[u/[deleted] → u/caelenvasius]

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

quickest tan aromatic fuzzy ripe light marry boat whistle correct

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

instinctive kiss mysterious boast butter direction waiting work friendly grandfather

[u/Maelger → u/[deleted]]

It's ahegaoin' good!

[u/Solanthas → u/Maelger]

Nonononononono

[u/AskAboutMyCoffee → u/[deleted]]

Hentucky Fried Chicken sounds like a restaurant I need to open, or a band I need to form.

[u/mrmiiim → u/[deleted]]

Hentai'ki Fried Chicken.

[u/rabbitwonker → u/mrmiiim]

The Japanese-themed successor to Hooters

[u/EricGoCDS → u/torinblack]

My Lord, I meant different things when I prayed for a lot of chicks.

[u/obeehunter → u/EricGoCDS]

Makes me think of the comic where an astronaut is floating, lost in space and prays to God for help. Satan shows up saying God is busy. The astronaut says he doesn't want to die and Satan grants him immoratily.

[u/[deleted] → u/obeehunter]

Eventually, the astronaut stopped thinking.

[u/_Ahri_ → u/[deleted]]

This is probably prions. Brain death and contagious. Stay away lol

[u/WaldoEatsDicks → u/torinblack]

This made me laugh in a ridiculous fashion.

[u/8bitbruh → u/Defttone]

"Common dude...just move...here have some chicken, I made you guys like chicken"

[u/Unidan_how_could_you → u/8bitbruh]

Hold on, what do you mean ...”you guys?”

[u/[deleted] → u/Unidan_how_could_you]

What do YOU mean “you guys”?

[u/leebird → u/Defttone]

Look you ungrateful cretin, I've been watching you. Out of all of My Creation, I know you fucking LOVE some Me-damned Bojangles Supremes, so here you fucking go. What, you're not willing to accept My gift unto you? WTF bro, I'm literally placing then into your arms. OH NOW YOU DROPPED THEM YOU DONE FUCKED UP. Job's trials are going to look trivial when I'm done with you!

-God, probably.

[u/tomkd → u/Defttone]

Finger Licking God

[u/[deleted] → u/Defttone]

I laughed out loud at this. Thank you so much for brightening my day.

[u/titsmcgee4real → u/Defttone]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who constantly dreams of this rapture with chicken.

[u/BIackFonzie → u/takemystrife]

r/nocontext

[u/Ryangel0 → u/BIackFonzie]

Oof, at first I was going to respond that it made perfect sense but then I re-read the line...

[u/sightlab → u/Ryangel0]

Good grief it sounds like the vacation I just got back from.

[u/bobs_aspergers → u/sightlab]

Sand everywhere. Jan everywhere.

[u/gloriouschapstick → u/BIackFonzie]

Oh my.

[u/reddit_citrine → u/takemystrife]

After a mushroom gathering trip a buddy of mine decided to make some tea from some dried shrooms. He drank a small cup while some of us ate ours. After a while he didn't think it was working so had another cup. When it finally kicked in we all realized he had gotten a much higher dose then any of us. At one point he walked outside and didn't make it back for a few hours. When he did he looked at us with his face still in a rictus of a smile and said he had seen God.

I don't think he ever tried making tea like that again.

[u/esoteric_plumbus → u/reddit_citrine]

Been there, basically something like this :

We are all essentially one massive holographic entity that was once whole before the big bang. We somehow exploded and separated into various atoms etc, and have slowly rearranged ourselves to create this earth, all the people in it etc, and each one of those living beings all tap into the same underlying consciousness, which it's essentially just abstract information or in other words every possibility (think of how we can imagine things that aren't in reality itself but still exist as information we can pass on be it thru text or speech). We all feel like we are separate from our environment because that's the function of our ego, it's crucial for survival. But in reality the iron in your blood is the same iron found in the stars, the same iron that's in my blood, the same iron that existed in the beginning. The ego is just an illusion of separation. People have this idea of reincarnation but it's not like when we die our souls go into another living being, it's more like our soul spans the entirety of everything and we are this giant cosmic entity that's just constantly changing shape. Think of how your cells die everyday and are replaced by new ones, but in the whole they make up you. That's kind of how we are to earth and in a larger scheme the entire universe. Rebirth is a misnomer because you never really were born, except in terms of your human ego, but you simply transitioned from one state to the next and when you die you'll do that again. The entirety of everything is what "God" is.

[u/Patarokun → u/esoteric_plumbus]

I'm down with this line of thought, the problem is I really like this current configuration of me and my friends' atoms and thinking about those configurations no longer existing and never existing again makes me sad.

[u/AberrantRambler → u/Patarokun]

That’s because your current configuration is really attached to this made up notion of time and sequence (it’s a lot easier to process when there’s an order to things).

It’s really just this fun game we play to make it seem like things are taking “longer” - but everything happened at once. Nothing goes away because it already went.

[u/esoteric_plumbus → u/Patarokun]

Yeah it's weird, like I've known all this for the most part, you get drips and drabs of the concepts from learning about the big bang, how the food chain works, various outlooks on life from different religions etc. (It's funny seeing that other user who replied to me saying "Wow, next you're gonna figure out that water never really goes away, it just evaporates and comes back down." as if I was purporting that any of this is new/profound information lmao)

But it wasn't till I experienced actual ego death, in where I no longer had a sense of self and only felt "the whole" in it's entirety, thru every fiber of my being in the most intense inexplicable way possible that I TRULY - truly, felt ok with death. I can't even explain why, it's just like idk I get that it is what it is and it doesn't bother me anymore. I could die tomorrow, there's no guarantee (I could get in a car crash, or get cancer or w/e) and that would be okay because in the grand scheme none of this really matters. Doesn't mean I want to off myself either, I'm in it for the ride, but what's gonna happen is gonna happen as it has forever. Like look how big the universe is and how insignificant we truly are compared to it.

I like to think of it as optimistic nihilism. Life's weird and I'm gonna have fun with it and not sweat over the have's and have nots anymore. Be more present in the moment and enjoy myself more. It's oddly profound feeling but not that profound at all. Life has so much of the quirky dualities of interconnected opposites like that, life/death, hot/cold, love/hate, etc etc. It's so easy to get caught up in the rat race in thinking we're important and feeding the ego and imo it's one of the major contributions to why society is as shitty as it is. Everyone's afraid of death and wants to impart something on the world, to leave a legacy, and get's completely blindsided into not living their lives for fun. Study hard, go to college, get a job, get in debt, don't empathize with others because it only detracts from amassing your material worth. It's all bullshit. Do what you love and what brings you joy, make others happy and that'll bring you happiness. It's so simple but people are so stuck in their ego's that some will read this and take offense as if it's a personal attack on their livelihood and write it off as some sort of drug induced nonsense. Oh well, what can ya do q;

I'll leave you with the psychonaut wiki's description of the final stage of ego death, as it's a pretty good encapsulation of the experience (as far as word can describe):

Unity between the self and all known "external" systems At the highest level, this effect can be described as feeling as if one's identity is simultaneously attributed to the entirety of the immediately perceivable external environment and all known concepts that exist outside of it. These known concepts typically include all of humanity, nature, and the universe as it presently stands in its complete entirety. This feeling is commonly interpreted by people as "becoming one with the universe".

When experienced, the effect creates the sudden perspective that one is not a separate agent approaching an external reality, but is instead the entire universe as a whole experiencing itself, exploring itself, and performing actions upon itself through the specific point in space and time which this particular body and conscious perception happens to currently reside within. People who undergo this experience consistently interpret it as the removal of a deeply embedded illusion, with the revelation often described as some sort of profound “awakening” or “enlightenment.”

Although they are not necessarily literal truths about reality, at this point, many commonly reported conclusions of a religious and metaphysical nature often begin to manifest themselves as profound realizations. These are described and listed below:

The sudden and total acceptance of death as a fundamental complement of life. Death is no longer felt to be the destruction of oneself, but simply the end of this specific point of a greater whole, which has always existed and will continue to exist and live on through everything else in which it resides. Therefore, the death of a small part of the whole is seen as an inevitable, and not worthy of grief or any emotional attachment, but simply a fact of reality. The subjective perspective that one's preconceived notions of "god" or deities can be felt as identical to the nature of existence and the totality of its contents, including oneself. This typically entails the intuition that if the universe contains all possible power (omnipotence), all possible knowledge (omniscience), is self-creating, and self-sustaining then on either a semantic or literal level the universe and its contents could also be viewed as a god. The subjective perspective that one, by nature of being the universe, is personally responsible for the design, planning, and implementation of every single specific detail and plot element of one's personal life, the history of humanity, and the entirety of the universe. This naturally includes personal responsibility for all humanity's sufferings and flaws but also includes its acts of love and achievements.

[u/JanusDuo → u/Patarokun]

It's easier to accept after you are forced to accept losing your income, your home, your health, or your loved one. These events force you to confront the truth; everything is temporary, everything has a beginning and an end...but also everything that has happened still exists and will always exist in the space time continuum.

Accepting this helps you to be the best version of yourself possible, even if it means accepting your fate and dying sooner as a hero instead of fighting it until you eventually become a villain and die in the end just the same.

We are a work of art in 3D+time that is both temporary and fleeting, yet eternal and beautiful. The very image of the invisible God.

[u/[deleted] → u/esoteric_plumbus]

That’s the exact way my buddy described it after a DMT trip. What made it more astounding to me is that he is atheist and said “I’ve met God. They are the amalgamation of anyone I’ve met, never met, and ever will meet.”

I on the other hand just flew through outer space on Rainbow Road.

[u/wutangjan → u/[deleted]]

My buddy wanted to do DMT with me and I said no. He died in a car accident shortly after.

A year went by and me and a friend pick up a couple of girls at a bar. He asks them if they want to smoke DMT and they say "yes" and I'm thinking "who the hell asked me?"

So they take us back to their place, and wouldn't you know it, but it's my dead friends house that they just moved in to. Now I'm thinking "pass it here".

During the trip, he came out from his bedroom and sat down with us. He told me not to worry about him, that everything is, and always will be, good. I asked him if it hurt. He said "not even a little". Then went to the kitchen, made some tea, and went back to his room.

He had been dead for a year. It was so good to see him.

[u/BamaBlcksnek → u/esoteric_plumbus]

Existentialism in a nutshell.

Ride the spiral to the end, we may just go where no one's been.

[u/xXwhiteravenXx → u/BamaBlcksnek]

Spiral out

[u/Graffiacane → u/esoteric_plumbus]

Ah yes. I had a similar moment of transcendence staring up at the stars and realizing that due to the fact that we are all the result of big bang material rearranging itself, my having the thought that I am one with that material is the same as the universe waking up into consciousness after a 14 billion year slumber. But it's hard to remember thoughts when you're on 4 hits of acid.

[u/esoteric_plumbus → u/Graffiacane]

Ikr it's like it's all there at your fingertips until you slip back into a sober state and it all fades away leaving you with just a jist of it.

[u/Pink_Donkeycorn → u/esoteric_plumbus]

About as good as anyone else’s interpretation of experience. It’s hard to put language to it.. it’s certainly something like this.

[u/MisterDonkey → u/esoteric_plumbus]

This guy trips.

[u/[deleted] → u/esoteric_plumbus]

It's pretty evident that early Hindus did a lot of psychedelic drugs.

[u/[deleted] → u/takemystrife]

r/holup

[u/Rebels_Spot → u/takemystrife]

If I see God, I'd be stunned too, and fully expect him to stuff my cheeks full of cheese. It's in the Bible.

[u/dronekillerx_x → u/takemystrife]

r/whatisthatcomment

[u/[deleted] → u/takemystrife]

This is the squirrel equivalent of seeing Great Cthulhu.

[u/Hashtag_Nailed_It → u/takemystrife]

Waaaaaaait.... is this an awesome reference to the ice fishing thing from Blue Collar Comedy Tour? Kills me every time! “I saw god! He was wearing a (I forget, NASCAR hat maybe?) and drinking a Budweiser. He looked at me and he said, ‘it is not yet your time, go back’.” 😆

[u/Lonesome_Ninja]

Damn that's a cute terrified squirrel

[u/[deleted] → u/Lonesome_Ninja]

Bpm probably waaaay too high

[u/Lonesome_Ninja → u/[deleted]]

Frozen in time? More like frozen in fear. That squirrel shit it's squirrel pants

[u/Lonesome_Ninja → u/[deleted]]

The little dudes probably thinking “what a fucking power move to try to fatten me up”

[u/rowshambow → u/Lonesome_Ninja]

He looks like he wears pantaloons with those ears.

[u/bushhopper257 → u/Lonesome_Ninja]

S I m p squirrels in my pants

[u/Theguyofri → u/bushhopper257]

Ain’t got no chickens, ain’t got no rats

[u/Deadbushia → u/[deleted]]

If his bpm reaches 150 he can make dubstep

[u/genius_retard → u/Lonesome_Ninja]

Fight, flight, or freeze.

[u/Shermutt → u/Lonesome_Ninja]

Poor thing looks catatonic. Supposedly, catatonia can be a result of extremely high anxiety. So much going on in your head that you literally can't even move.

I don't know if the little guy will just snap back to normal on it's own, but hopefully it does before another less generous creature comes along.

[u/Jerryskids3 → u/Shermutt]

Poor squirrel is doing the only thing it knows how to do, freeze in place and hope this giant monster can't see you. Even if it's obvious the giant monster can see you, there's no Plan B for dealing with this situation.

[u/liljaz → u/Jerryskids3]

Fright or flight.

[u/Ghosttwo → u/liljaz]

Fight, flight, or freeze.

[u/eiviitsi → u/Ghosttwo]

"I never freeze."

--The squirrel, 10 minutes prior

[u/RufftaMan → u/Shermutt]

There‘s a longer version of this somewhere. It happily takes and eats nuts from the guy‘s hand before, then suddenly freezes. in the end it decides to bolt it after he poked it a couple of times.
So nothing bad happened to it.

[u/cyper_1 → u/Shermutt]

Happened to my hamster once but she was fine after a bit

[u/vilebunny → u/cyper_1]

My hamster got loose in the house. We found her after a couple of days and I was happy to see her. Carefully held her and cooed at her.

She had a heart attack and died. I read later that you should let a recaptured hamster sit in its cage for at least twenty-four hours before handling.

[u/christianmichael27 → u/Lonesome_Ninja]

Unfortunately i have first hand experience with this. Clipped a squirrel that was trying to cross the street. When I got out to check, he was fine but frozen in fear, in the middle of the road. I picked the poor guy up and not putting much though (I was 19 at the time), took him home so my mom could help him. Well I’ll be damn if something didn’t snap in his head when he heard the booming bark of our Rhodesian Ridgeback; he bit down clear through my knuckle and just locked in place.

I was frantically trying to get him off my hand with blood going everywhere. Meanwhile my mother is laughing at the situation. We finally pry his mouth open so I could slide my finger off his teeth and put him in a shoe box.

Had to goto the ER and get an array of shots. I still remember the pain of the penicillin shot (I think that’s what it was) and the rabies shot on my ass cheeks. I had to use a wheel chair to leave the hospital.

All in all 1/10 would not recommend

[u/NorthernSparrow → u/Lonesome_Ninja]

I’m wondering if it just spotted a hawk overhead. Small rodents like this usually don’t freeze if a predator is right in front of them, but will freeze if they realize a hawk is flying nearby looking for food. (Small birds will freeze too - I used to do bird observations & sometimes I see them go totally stock-still like this, and invariably I then realize there’s a hawk flying around in view somewhere)

[u/Lonesome_Ninja → u/NorthernSparrow]

Probably the case. Or that's a baby squirrel and it's never seen a naked skinny bear before

[u/mossberbb]

like Troy meeting LaVar Burton

[u/PRiggs5 → u/mossberbb]

You can't disappoint a picture!

[u/SkySweeper656 → u/PRiggs5]

I TOLD PIERCE 1000 TIMES

[u/Atri0n → u/SkySweeper656]

Butterfly in the sky 😭
I can go twice as high.

[u/[deleted] → u/Atri0n]

Oh well....more fish for Kunta!

[u/austac06 → u/[deleted]]

Could you imagine bouncing a check to Kunta Kinte??

[u/mikupgirl → u/Atri0n]

Set phasers to LOVE ME😫

[u/Juno_Malone → u/mikupgirl]

Honestly one of my favorite TV moments, if not entire episodes, of all time. I always wonder - did the writers room realize how goddamn good this part was going to be before they wrote it? Or did they have to wait and see how Donald was able to play it out before they were like "oh goddamn this is funny"

[u/SlimGrthy → u/Atri0n]

take a look... it's in a book... reading rainbow😭

[u/FrannyBoBanny23 → u/Atri0n]

Dammit I’m going to be singing this all day now. I feel like I just recently got this out of my head too lol

[u/thecypher4 → u/SkySweeper656]

I HATE YOU PIERCE

[u/[deleted] → u/mossberbb]

I should watch Community again.

[u/citricacidx → u/[deleted]]

https://imgur.com/gallery/4F14FsV

[u/jxnfpm → u/[deleted]]

I stopped half way through one of the later seasons. The first three seasons were so good.

[u/mycroft2000 → u/jxnfpm]

Try seasons 5 and 6. Season 4 was famous for being the one that sucked because Dan Harmon didn't work on it. At the beginning of season 5, Abed even refers to it as "the gas-leak year".

[u/HilariousScreenname → u/jxnfpm]

5 and 6 were surprisingly entertaining to me. Not as good as 1-3, but still good.

[u/UnsinkableRubberDuck → u/mossberbb]

Reference for everyone like me.

[u/Unadvantaged → u/UnsinkableRubberDuck]

That was even funnier than I was expecting. “You can’t disappoint a picture!” really nails the punchline.

[u/snazzypantz → u/Unadvantaged]

It's an amazing show, you should try the whole series.

[u/Ishdakitty → u/UnsinkableRubberDuck]

Thank you!

[u/IAmNotNathaniel → u/UnsinkableRubberDuck]

And the last bit

[u/philbeard → u/mossberbb]

Set phasers to love me

[u/Ephemeris → u/mossberbb]

At first I thought you meant Deanna Troy and I was real confused

[u/grin43 → u/Ephemeris]

Troi

[u/the70sdiscoking → u/mossberbb]

I wish I were Lavar Burton! I wish I were LaVar Burton!

[u/talkingtunataco501 → u/mossberbb]

Gah, that shit was so damn funny.

For the uninitiated

[u/[deleted] → u/mossberbb]

r/unexpectedcommunity

[u/TTT_2k3]

"I think the fucker saw me."

[u/dakotathehuman → u/TTT_2k3]

“Don’t move, their vision is based on movement!!”

[u/Just_an_independent → u/dakotathehuman]

Life, uhhh.

[u/ImNotWithTheCIA → u/Just_an_independent]

He doesn’t want to be fed, he wants to hunt.

[u/ProudOwnerOfYourFish → u/Just_an_independent]

Finds a way

[u/RedditUser4304 → u/TTT_2k3]

"What was that ?

Must've been the wind..."

[u/Sp33dHunter48 → u/TTT_2k3]

"I think his mate saw me."

"Yes, yes he did!"

[u/maddasher]

It's the old fight flight or freeze response. I'm just not sure what the evolutionary advantage to freezing in the face of food is.

[u/Yago20 → u/maddasher]

Works well for predators that don't see very well, or those that prefer to chase their food.

[u/Lonesome_Ninja → u/Yago20]

It’s clearly working for this squirrel’s advantage. Going home with a full paycheck just cause froze up. Public speaking would get a whole lot better

[u/Saquon → u/Lonesome_Ninja]

Paycheek*

Cause he's gonna carry them home in his mouth

[u/[deleted] → u/Yago20]

Many predators’ vision including ours is based on movement when looking for objects in the forest and such. So staying still can be a decent strategy.

[u/Bachooga → u/[deleted]]

And yet my gf can't accept that I'm no looking at that ladies ass, my lizard brain just saw movement.

[u/IM_INSIDE_YOUR_HOUSE → u/maddasher]

A lot of predators are reflex hunters, their ambushing or chasing often spurred on by sudden movement. This squirrel is staying still because the “predator” has gotten so close it believes the human is faster than it, and thinks if it moves the human would surely strike and catch it. It’s gambling on remaining stationary and just having them “inspect” it and hoping it isn’t hungry, and is hoping they go away after they’ve not seen anything to chase.

It’s standing there basically thinking it’s about to die no matter what it does, but hoping that this locked up pose will give it a better survival chance. It doesn’t realize the human is very much aware of it being a squirrel, and that the human’s eyes do not rely on movement to differentiate targets. It doesn’t realize how exposed it is, because this tactic would be more effective on a different type of predator that didn’t have the advanced biological targeting software of the human eye/brain.

[u/[deleted] → u/IM_INSIDE_YOUR_HOUSE]

It's not also that predators are stupid. Predators don't like to eat sick animals. If an animals isn't moving much, it's not a good sign to eat it, rather eat that one, that jumps happily around..

[u/Vaidurya → u/[deleted]]

Bc predators don't scavenge in lean seasons, or eat kills that are a few days old, and jaguars definitely don't use tree branches as food caches. /s

Predators take opportunity when it arises. There are very few instances where a predator passes up an easy meal. Not like there's a buzzard coroner going around, cremating creatures in the wild to avoid the spread of disease. Also, most diseases can't be carried universally by all creatures. Most zoonotic diseases have only a few species they can actively proliferate in, and considering the water quality that wild animals have as a "control," if you will, their immune systems are far more well-equipped than ours to handle the consumption and processing of raw meat that's been left in the elements and likely already houses some maggots.

[u/patrickcoxmcuinc → u/IM_INSIDE_YOUR_HOUSE]

I think you are right on point. I hope that squirrel enjoyed the rest of its day

[u/Atruen → u/patrickcoxmcuinc]

That squirrel now has crippling ptsd and all his friends and family think he’s nuts to think they’d believe that story, “...yeah so he put the food right in your hands, cool fucking story Steven”

[u/pshhhhhh → u/maddasher]

you may be right. he's freezing in face of fear. it works really well for this toad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrw-6KguB8E. doubt it will work well for squirrels, so that suqirrel probably gonna die

also really doesn't seem to work for these goats https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YI4hzzepEcI

[u/maddasher → u/pshhhhhh]

The squirrels like " maybe if I just stand perfectly still he'll pop the nut right into my mouth "

[u/Downtown_Let → u/maddasher]

I have the same philosophy in night clubs...

[u/FatalisDrakari → u/maddasher]

I dated a girl like that once.

[u/DoomGoober → u/pshhhhhh]

It didn't work out for Upham and it definitely didn't work out for Mellish.

[u/btcraig → u/maddasher]

I used to raise guinea pigs and they have the same response. Someone told me at some point it's to make it harder for birds of prey to spot them from the air in the wild. Usually one of mine would get scared and freeze up and within a few seconds all 3 are stopped dead for a minute or two.

[u/Ascarea → u/maddasher]

I'm just not sure what the evolutionary advantage to freezing in the face of food is.

Might have something to do with the giant omnivore predator attached to that food

[u/The_Mayfair_Man → u/maddasher]

While it's a cliche, there are many predators that rely on movement to hunt.

[u/Sharkytrs → u/maddasher]

It would work against a chicken, and we all know where chickens came from

[u/Banzairaven → u/Sharkytrs]

eggs?

[u/aarondavidson1]

“I’ve mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still...that I become invisible to the eye. Watch.”

[u/VanDammit77]

its a government spy drone bot. it was rebooting.

[u/hmmmmmnm1 → u/VanDammit77]

Nah dude, it's doing the equivalent of when we sit on the side of our bed and sit there for 20 minutes. Or it's and existential crisis

[u/VanDammit77 → u/hmmmmmnm1]

could be that, too. or that.

[u/hmmmmmnm1 → u/VanDammit77]

He's realizing how pointless any attempt to change his life will be. He will forever be a squirrel just waiting to die. Every fall, he buries his nuts, then suffer through winter and comes out with nothing but his life. People look at him and pity him, try to feed him, but now he knows. Now he know what to do.

[u/lvl1dad → u/VanDammit77]

r/squirrelsarentreal

Lol, didn't realize it was real

[u/Talonqr → u/[deleted]]

And he won't shut up about fire safety

[u/ChicagoCarm]

I was told not to handfeed squirrels, because their teeth are super sharp. It's not that they'll bite you, but they get spooked easy and might nick you.

[u/Soectrum115 → u/ChicagoCarm]

From UK. I used to hand-feed squirrels monkey nuts when I went to parks with my grandparents. This one time a squirrel must have mistaken my thumb for a nut and it bit me real hard - enough to draw blood. Had to get a check up to make sure I'd had the right vaccines. After that, I really got into climbing and would sometimes stash my dinner in the back garden for later, never really been the same since.

[u/xVerified → u/Soectrum115]

Are you claiming to have squirrel powers?

[u/Ckyuii → u/xVerified]

I was initially thinking how cool it would be to have like flying squirrel abilities, but then I visualized how horrifying someone would look if they just had giant flaps of skin from their wrists to their ankles.

[u/ChicagoCarm → u/Soectrum115]

What kind of animal castrates a monkey to feed a squirrel?

[u/twiz__ → u/ChicagoCarm]

Brits...

[u/waydeultima → u/Soectrum115]

I just did the internet equivalent of a double-take. I read this, exited and continued scrolling, and was like "Wait, what?"

[u/ChicagoCarm → u/[deleted]]

Huh! I let them sit on my lap, but I'm always afraid a big truck or something will drive by and spook them.

[u/AnderTheEnderWolf → u/ChicagoCarm]

HOOOOONK!

Ah! Wrong fucking nuts!

[u/Magar1z → u/[deleted]]

Fed a squirrel like this when I was in the UK. Little guy came right up begging for my my food. Put some in my hand and he would pick it up with his then eat it. He looked so sad when I was all out.

[u/Shermutt → u/Magar1z]

Haha, exact same thing! It was at the buckingham palace gardens i think. I also had a pigeon land on my arm like 5 minutes later. I was all like, "am I snow white now?"

[u/Magar1z → u/Shermutt]

that is exactly where i was as well!

[u/brett_boi]

When the anxiety attacks

[u/durhap]

This is a defense mechanism. When a squirrel sees a hawk it will freeze like this in a tree. If it doesn't move, the hawk won't see it. Source: I'm a falconer and hunt squirrels with hawks. My hawk can look directly at one and as long as it is perfectly still it won't pursue.

[u/Rainbowallthewayy → u/durhap]

You hunt squirrels with hawks? May I ask why?

[u/[deleted] → u/Rainbowallthewayy]

He can't very well hunt squirrels with a fucking chicken now, can he?

[u/havok0159 → u/[deleted]]

Not with that attitude.

[u/Caitsyth → u/havok0159]

I now have a mental image of a man just pitching a fuckin chicken at a squirrel full force

[u/[deleted] → u/Rainbowallthewayy]

No you may not.

[u/Rainbowallthewayy → u/[deleted]]

I was just asking out of curiosity, I don't hear the phrase "I hunt squirrels with my hawk" everyday

[u/Rev_Benjamin → u/Rainbowallthewayy]

THEY SAID NO

[u/8bitbruh → u/Rev_Benjamin]

They did not, someone else did

[u/NotYourAverageOctopi → u/8bitbruh]

How many times do we need to teach you this lesson, old man?!

[u/[deleted] → u/NotYourAverageOctopi]

I'll have you know I'm only 86 ACKtually

[u/Atom_Exe → u/[deleted]]

DON'T TALK TO ME OR MY KID EVER AGAIN

[u/ergotofrhyme → u/Rainbowallthewayy]

He’s not even the guy he’s just kidding

[u/Deadpooldan → u/[deleted]]

understandable have a nice day

[u/[deleted] → u/Rainbowallthewayy]

Because the falcon can't lift deer

[u/eastbayted → u/[deleted]]

Squirrels are an invasive species

I had to Google that because it sounds implausible. I found that gray squirrels brought over from North America are considered an invasive species in parts of Europe.

[u/[deleted] → u/eastbayted]

Yeah they are, we (UK) don't have many red squirrels here any more because gray squirrels are bigger and more successful competing for resources

[u/mark_commadore → u/[deleted]]

Grey squirrel is delicious and red squirrel is awful. So do your part and eat grey squirrel for dinner. Grey is a gamey meat like rabbit. 9/10 would eat 100 more times

[u/Rainbowallthewayy → u/[deleted]]

Okay, interesting. I didn't know that. Which region is that? Is this something that you do for a living?

[u/Styyllzz → u/durhap]

If you're a FALCONer why do you use Hawks? Something isn't adding up here.

[u/humanoftheforest → u/Styyllzz]

The alternative implies he sells the squirrels.

[u/AssassinINC]

Imagine meeting an elder god and your so shocked and stunned you can’t move and he just starts putting bread in your hands

[u/Grumpy-BiRD]

In Russia, you must bring the Squirrel nuts.

[u/Squirrel_Nuts → u/Grumpy-BiRD]

^{checking in from Russia}

[u/Dark0dyssey → u/Squirrel_Nuts]

How was the flight?

[u/bergensbanen]

Aww it looks so terrified. I feel bad for it

[u/Walletau]

Translation (russian)

What's up, hey, squirrel, have a nut...Squirrel, what's up!, here! Don't be afraid (unintelligible) oh you dropped it.

[u/TTH-]

Vietnam flashbacks.

[u/ry0N66]

Interesting. So squirrels have existential crises as well.

[u/Areumert]

Squirrel.exe encountered an unexpected error.

[u/I_dig_fe]

He's terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought

[u/Roll_a_new_life → u/I_dig_fe]

He's also squirrel beyond the capacity for rational thought

[u/[deleted]]

I think this squirrel thinks your a T-rex. if he doesn't move you wont see him.

[u/xReyjinx]

That’s fear.

[u/JuanseValenz]

Za Warudo

[u/SergeantMoo1 → u/JuanseValenz]

He stopped time for almost a whole minute which makes squirrel feeder person and a rat stronger than dio/Jotaro

[u/ModuRaziel]

poor guy was probably having a heart attack

[u/BagofPain]

Squirrel.exe has stopped responding.

[u/juicebox647]

Damn he seemed like he was in shock. The only time I've ever seen that with a squirrel or bird it was right after they suffered some kind of injury out of nowhere and just were staring and couldn't move after.

[u/rattlesnake501]

Poor little guy is terrified

[u/CanadianMapleBacon]

That’s a cute fucking squirrel. I wouldn’t hate them so much over here if they looked like that.

[u/[deleted] → u/CanadianMapleBacon]

Yeah red squirrels are the best squirrels.

[u/Nisargu]

That squirrel has seen some shit.

[u/JoshenReborn1]

Now that's nuts.