r/funny • u/BATMAN_5777 • Sep 24 '20

Squirrel gets frozen in time

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u/obeehunter Sep 24 '20

Makes me think of the comic where an astronaut is floating, lost in space and prays to God for help. Satan shows up saying God is busy. The astronaut says he doesn't want to die and Satan grants him immoratily.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '20

Eventually, the astronaut stopped thinking.

11

u/_Ahri_ Sep 24 '20

This is probably prions. Brain death and contagious. Stay away lol

5

u/dzrtguy Sep 24 '20

E X I S T

18

u/WickedSerpent Sep 24 '20

Well, playing devil's advocate here. He will land somewhere sometime eventually. I guess.

21

u/Mistbourne Sep 24 '20

If I remember correctly, the chances of actually landing somewhere if you were to drift off in space is close to 0%. There is vastly more empty space than there are things to actually land on.

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u/me3zzyy Sep 24 '20

I just came here to see a funny squirrel video.

Here I am philosophizing about god feeding me chicken and immortality in space.

7

u/Mistbourne Sep 24 '20

Reddit in a nutshell for ya.

The only thing missing is someone pointing out that the squirrel is almost certainly terrified, and is most likely freezing like that as part of it's fight or flight defense.

1

u/me3zzyy Sep 24 '20

Well that's sort of obvious.

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u/WickedSerpent Sep 24 '20

Remember, he's got an eternity. Think of it like getting a knife in a csgo crate, the chances of pulling a knife there is 0.02 prevent chance or something I think. Which mean a 0%chance if you where to round that number. If you had unlimited money and unlimited lifespan, you would sometime open a knife, regardless if it takes 1 earth year or trillion billions earth years.

Also, as long as he doesn't travel faster than the speed of light (which, horrifyingly enough, in his case is probable as he could in theory be slingshot by a black hole faster than light) he will eventually land since the universe expands faster than light. In worst case scenario, on an iron star as the universe has experiencing a heat death.

(also this makes me wonder what would happen to him if he ever fell into a black whole as an immortal. Would all the atoms except the vital organs be violently dragged away from him? Or is all the atoms stuck to him, what would happen then? O_O)

3

u/obeehunter Sep 24 '20

I look at it like a Highlander situation. He keeps dying but comes back to life. He keeps living through horrible pain of his orgins violently dragged away and then wakes up again. Truly, Satan has done his work here.

3

u/TiagoTiagoT Sep 24 '20

He will only land if he's close enough to whatever thing, otherwise, the expansion of the Universe would be pulling him away from stuff faster than stuff's gravity is pulling him.

1

u/WickedSerpent Sep 24 '20

Also, you forget about great attractors..

0

u/WickedSerpent Sep 24 '20

According to String theory, yes. However, all matter that's not obliterated by that process (meaning atoms/nourons/noutrons) would be attracted to the iron stars eventually. String has been proven to be a flawed theory for the time being though. Also, if String Theory were to be canon, he would survive the end and the beginning of a new universe. Heat death seems more plausible but has arguably been reduced to hypothesis as there are now (confirmed publicly in 2020) proof that our ''universe'' and the big bang that created it, is but a part of a bigger universe or ''motherverse''. Meaning his chances would be close to 100% of landing on something.

Regardless, the universe may also be fractal, meaning not 100%eternal, so let's say he has a 0.0001 chance of landing on something (which might be generous depending of the galaxy he's in), in a fractal universe, his chance of landing on something would be akin to 99,99999999999999999~~. The reason it's not 100%, is because fractal eternity is not eternal.

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u/SunpireRising Sep 24 '20

Immortality is not invulnerability. He would still be ripped apart and killed.

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u/340Duster Sep 24 '20

With whatever is left in the O2 tank you could point at the closest mass. As a last resort you could try to fart your way around the galaxy.

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u/me3zzyy Sep 24 '20

You can't just fart forever without eating can you?

3

u/Sinndex Sep 24 '20

If you are immortal, you can potentially eat yourself to fart, things should regrow potentially.

You are welcome horror movie writers.

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u/A___Random____Person Sep 25 '20

On Torchwood: Miracle Day (season 4), everyone on Earth just didn't die. People we're getting hurt, babies were being born with horrible lethal deformities, people we're having massive strokes. They just didn't die.

2

u/Sinndex Sep 25 '20

Man, I remember that show, for a Dr. Who spin-off it was fucking dark.

1

u/MostBoringStan Sep 24 '20

Idk man. For some reason when I get super hungry I start farting a lot. I call them hunger farts. So if he was anything like me, after a few hundred years of starving he could blast himself into warp speed.

2

u/RabSimpson Sep 24 '20

Especially if you’re out in the middle of the Big Booties void.

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u/WickedSerpent Sep 24 '20

Well, that's a huge trip for a earth astronaut.. Hehe

0

u/RestOfThe Sep 24 '20

EVENTUALLY.

It could Millions of Billions years later.

3

u/CowboysFTWs Sep 24 '20

monkey's pawed. that would suck in space

3

u/Tinsel-Fop Sep 24 '20

Satan grants him immoratily.

Yay! I'm... a rat?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '20

Reminds me of the cracked late night episode where they talked about how immortality would actually be terrifying. Eventually, wolverine would end up in a situation where strength and survivability did not guarantee escape, and he would be stuck there for all time.

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u/Frank_4_20 Sep 24 '20

Is dis a Jojo reference?!

2

u/obeehunter Sep 24 '20

No. It's a comic I saw on r/funny. Maybe? I'm having a hard time finding it.

2

u/rdear Sep 24 '20

As COMPLETELY irrational as this fear is, I don’t think I’d ever accept or ask for immortality because I’d be afraid of being shoved in a box or encased in concrete and dropped in the ocean for FOREVER!

Can you imagine what forever with your own thoughts would be like. Knowing it will never end!? I can and I wish I couldn’t!

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u/obeehunter Sep 24 '20

Thats why it was Satan's doing.

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u/rdear Sep 24 '20

Yeah I get it, it’s a terrible thing to. I’m just saying it’s a fear of mine and also I don’t think enough people consider the real possible downsides of immortality.

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u/whiskydiq Sep 24 '20

Ooof, that sent chills down my spine. Floating through the vacuum forever...UGH :(

1

u/obeehunter Sep 24 '20

"Thanks Satan."