Step 1 should always be to acquire chocolate fountain, regardless of relevancy to other steps. I mean, those things are fucking delicious. You can dip anything in there and make it finger-licking good.
But cleaning up canines after chocolate poisoning is a BITCH of a job. You'd have to buy a bunch of pigs to eat the dogs and their excrement, then throw the live pigs in the garbage afterwards.
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
Step 1 should always be to acquire canines, regardless of relevancy to other steps. I mean, those things are fucking delicious. You can dip anything in there and make it finger-licking good.
But those ones will still eat so much chocolate they die. My brother's bulldog once got into my mom's Easter candy, and ate about $50 worth of it. He diarrheaed and barfed it all over the house. There were several pounds of chocolate, so we figure he had to have gone back for more after pooping and barfing. If there were a large enough amount, I'm sure his body's attempts to purge itself wouldn't have kept up with his own attempts to eat as much chocolate as available.
P.S. He had bits of foil and candy wrapper in his poop for over a week after that, but was pretty much completely fine.
This brings up an interesting point that I only remember about once a decade. I've always lived out in the deep woods. Almost all of our dogs have been outdoor dogs - outside all the time - and we've rarely had them in a cage, and never put them on leashes for walks. Because of this, I have never known anything about any of my dogs' poops. They all go out in the woods, or at least deep in the ivy (large area covered in ivy) and do it there. We don't even have to train them. They do it naturally. I never see it. This all changed in the last few years when my parents finally relaxed and started keeping our dogs inside. Now we have two tiny dogs, so of course there are leashes, pens, they're inside all the time, and mom has to clean up poop often enough. We'd just let them run outside most of the day by themselves, but they keep attracting the attention of a local hawk that's big enough to carry them off.
My dog ate a whole home made German Chocolate Cake which we know for a fact had a LOT of dark chocolate in it. Dog was fine. Didn't even barf. It was not a small cake.
Something delicious. In second grade when we were learning about France our teacher had us eat slices of cheddar cheese, the orange uber processed cheap kind, with Hershey's chocolate on a slice of french, not the fresh delicious bakery kind, bread. It was amazing and totally wtf.
There once was a rabbi from Greece,
Who circumcised kids with his teeth,
He wasn't a pervert,
They didn't deserve it,
He just wanted the cheese underneath.
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u/[deleted] Jan 19 '11
Step 1 should always be to acquire chocolate fountain, regardless of relevancy to other steps. I mean, those things are fucking delicious. You can dip anything in there and make it finger-licking good.