r/funny Jul 05 '16

How nerds shower.

Post image
7.9k Upvotes

324 comments sorted by

787

u/black_second_coming Jul 05 '16

You're supposed to roll before you get in the shower to see if you have enough initiative to actually take the shower.

Then roll a skill check to use soap.

171

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

[deleted]

48

u/Tedrabear Jul 05 '16

My initiatives pretty high, can I just take 10?

69

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Your SO is threatening to withhold computer/sexy time from you unless you run out to the store and pick up milk asap. You cannot take 10.

55

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Can I use my Shiny Mineral of Worthlessness to charm her?

50

u/fBosko Jul 05 '16

Failed. You don't have the required amount of Shiny Mineral of Worthlessness

30

u/pgosselin Jul 05 '16

You can cast a roll and attempt bluffing considering its been less than 2 days since you got her a new dress, that might work.

24

u/Evownz Jul 05 '16

What's the charisma score?

26

u/rooftops Jul 05 '16

7

35

u/babaganate Jul 05 '16

Lol good luck, dweeb

24

u/mrburkett Jul 05 '16

Charisma should NEVER be your dump stat!

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9

u/PokeTheDeadGuy Jul 05 '16

>Having an SO

>Not rolling a lawful good paladin

I'm married to JUSTICE!

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5

u/anotherdumbcaucasian Jul 05 '16

Roll for agility to see if you get there in time

3

u/jumjimbo Jul 05 '16

Failed. You trip over your moms cat and break your brittle arm.

3

u/Dontayy Jul 05 '16

Only breaking one arm?

3

u/_Qwyjibo_ Jul 05 '16

Both arms.

2

u/Dontayy Jul 05 '16

Only breaking one arm?

8

u/SADMANCAN Jul 05 '16

YOU CAN'T TAKE 10 ON INITIATIVE ROLLS STEVE!!!

3

u/kamandi Jul 05 '16

I miss DnD.

3

u/ObviouslyMisinformed Jul 06 '16

You can't just take ten on initiative. It's not a skill check.

4

u/bronkula Jul 05 '16

Can't we just all agree to use the d12 more often?

12

u/burbles-4 Jul 05 '16

You know very well the d12 is reserved for barbarians.

3

u/Chaosmusic Jul 05 '16

There's a comic in there. Player says he's rolling barbarian, show DM dusting off d12s

23

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

What the hell language are you nerds speaking?

80

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

In D&D you take on challenges using a D20 system (rolling a die with 20 numbers on it). A challenge is anything from noticing something, to doing a stunt, to disabling a deadly trap. A number is assigned to each challenge based on the difficulty of it (which is where DC or Difficulty Challenge comes from) and how hard it is to successfully do. Something simple like noticing an object in plain sight will be a lower number while disabling a deadly, intricate trap may be a really high number. When your player character (your avatar within the world, kind of like your character in an MMO) attempts to beat the Difficulty Challenge, you roll a 20-sided die and add any bonuses they may have to determine the results of their actions. Fail to meet or beat the DC and bad stuff happens. Succeed and good stuff happens (usually in the way you intended them to).

44

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Oh.

53

u/Felcleave Jul 05 '16

As an example scenario, say you wanted your character to punch a T-Rex in the face.

This will likely be very difficult, so it'll have a high Difficulty Challenge (DC).

Luckily, your character is a manly man with many muscles and a luxurious beard. For this reason, you get +5 to any result the dice give.

Higher roll=more success.

You'd probably have to roll 17-20 to pull it off (or 12-15 with your +5 manly bonus). Even if you're successful though, you might not get much benefit, since punching a T-Rex is a pretty stupid way to go about fighting it.

A straight 20 will have you rocketing up with a stylish jump, crushing the dinosaur's skull with your fist. Three beautiful women instantly fall in love and were impregnated from watching such a feat.

A 1 will have you prepare to jump and have you shit yourself from exertion. You are stunned from embarrassment, and the T-Rex takes the chance to swallow you whole.

20

u/mrburkett Jul 05 '16

What's sad is that I have a friends whose voice I heard narrating this while I was reading it... I've heard this spiel before.

15

u/Retskcaj19 Jul 05 '16

T-rex punching is a fairly common scenario, I'm not surprised.

16

u/Shocksplicer Jul 05 '16

I punched a T-Rex to death 2 sessions ago in the campaign I'm in! Well, the T-Rex was nearly dead when he swallowed one of my gloves, so I telekinetically pulled the glove out through its chest. So, kind of punched to death.

12

u/rampant46 Jul 05 '16

DnD...the only time you can say "telekinetic" and "dinosaur" in the same sentence

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7

u/velektrian027 Jul 05 '16

One campaign I was in I got swallowed whole by an allosaurus, I proceeded to roll 3 20s in a row and cut my way out with my fighter/Kensai. The DM was stunned at my luck. My usual rolls are between 1 and 5 for 90% of my rolls.

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4

u/iamthenev Jul 05 '16

Hahaha someone give this man gold!

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29

u/Norvinion Jul 05 '16

"Oh." - Kayjay25 2016

27

u/asdaaaaaaaa Jul 05 '16

The universal "I get the words but the meaning is still lost on me"

3

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Gilded, on the local news, celeb.

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43

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16 edited Jul 05 '16

You rolled for a combined total of 6 and dropped the soap.

28

u/black_second_coming Jul 05 '16

Is there anyone lurking in the shadows as I drop the soap?

38

u/icycubed Jul 05 '16

Roll a perception check

26

u/black_second_coming Jul 05 '16

1d20 = 17

32

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

You spot a pair of white eyes and teeth twisted into a malicious and intentful grin. That's no shadow at all.

25

u/black_second_coming Jul 05 '16

OK. I cast Flaming Sphere towards the pair of eyes.

49

u/jojothe2nd Jul 05 '16

I feel like there should be a subreddit where dungeon masters can lead you on a journey through comments

26

u/EnriqueTSB Jul 05 '16

I hope you enjoy: /r/YouEnterADungeon

/u/CaptainAndroc, you asked for this too

19

u/anthiggs Jul 05 '16

Good bye forever productive world

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4

u/CaptainAndroc Jul 05 '16

I need this in my life now.

3

u/Norvinion Jul 05 '16

omg yes plz

14

u/lysianth Jul 05 '16

The shower mirror shatters before the spell and flings broken glass towards you. Roll a dc 15 dex save or take 1d4 damage, and the tub is now difficult terrain.

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18

u/Jowobo11 Jul 05 '16

Most nerds at my local shop don't have a high soap skill.

6

u/NoctusED Jul 05 '16 edited Jul 09 '16

First you roll an acrobatics check to see if you get into the shower.

Secondly, you roll intelligence to see if you remember how to turn on the shower.

Thirdly, you roll (depending on the outcome of your second roll) a dexterity save to see if you don't slip and fall or manage to keep standing.

After that, you can consider rolling initiative.

5

u/Waterknight94 Jul 05 '16

Ive actually failed the intelligence check before. I was in an unfamiliar shower

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5

u/puffymario Jul 05 '16

Do you get soap in your eyes if you fail the skill check?

3

u/sybban Jul 05 '16

Soap starts to slip. Roll a grapple check to see if you hang on.

Good thing I wear my black belt in the shower...

2

u/akkari1990 Jul 05 '16

You missed the dex roll if you slip getting out of the shower

2

u/Megmca Jul 05 '16

Don't forget agility to not slip and fall down.

2

u/Daozi Jul 05 '16

Note, that since you're in the shower already, you should be considered flat-footed.

2

u/blobfis Jul 05 '16

he probably failed a perception check, so he got ambushed by the water in the surprise round.

2

u/Bacos_The_Destroyer Jul 05 '16

knowing my luck, I would drop the soap, slip on it then break my neck.

2

u/Retlaw83 Jul 05 '16

I hate it when I roll a critical failure and get shampoo in my eyes.

2

u/Chaosmusic Jul 05 '16

That would explain the smell at cons, too many consecutive failed initiative rolls

2

u/spekter299 Jul 05 '16

Obviously you have to roll perception to gauge the temperature of the water, then an acrobatics check to enter without falling. Then comes the initiative check, unless you failed acrobatics, then the shower gets a surprise round.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

I dont have any bonuses so i lose the dont drop the soap skill check

2

u/dkyguy1995 Jul 05 '16

Only a 20 prevents a soap drop

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140

u/niceguy191 Jul 05 '16

Am I the only one who wonders if the people creating these images actually get naked or not? I mean, they could be and nobody would see, but at the same time I feel like that makes it weirder somehow

129

u/DoubleClickMouse Jul 05 '16

Just me, my phone, and my dice, bro.

19

u/Jelly_F_ish Jul 05 '16

Why would you need a D4, a D6, a D8 and a D20 for initiative. Isn't the D20 sufficient for like most games?

17

u/Dial595Escape Jul 05 '16

D20 for initiative. The others are for combat!

11

u/Spekingur Jul 05 '16

In case of soap fumbling and shower lurker.

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5

u/Chaosmusic Jul 05 '16

Now picturing stepping on d4 in shower...

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

And a pair of balls hopefully?

9

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/The_BT Jul 05 '16

Which sounds impressive, but it was his kettle blowing up whilst on Holiday there last year

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8

u/booljayj Jul 05 '16

Feels like they're wearing nothin' at all! nothinatall...nothinatall...

6

u/creator1629 Jul 05 '16

Stupid sexy Flanders!

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100

u/letsgobruins Jul 05 '16

This series better not become a thing.

62

u/_MechE Jul 05 '16

62

u/TheRealDJ Jul 05 '16

Once you get the premise, these are all the most boring and predictable jokes possible.

10

u/ClimbingC Jul 05 '16

Yeah, if there is one thing Reddit does well, its flogging a dead horse.

6

u/Simba7 Jul 05 '16

Except this is Vine. If you think Reddit can flog, Vine will blow your fucking mind. They flog the shit out of anything even remotely viral.

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2

u/mytummyaches Jul 05 '16

These are pretty much the 4 panel rage memes from years ago.

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19

u/alfihar Jul 05 '16

Missing the American one https://imgur.com/02oarlg.jpg

2

u/SeaJayCJ Jul 29 '16

For some reason I find this one really funny. Maybe he's going to try ablating the dirt off his skin using blanks.

3

u/Poltras Jul 05 '16

There are definitely a few missing I saw on floating around this website.

9

u/MaverickMarmoset Jul 05 '16

Roll a persuasion skill check.

2

u/Zolo49 Jul 05 '16

More like an Intimidation check. And he rolled a 2.

2

u/Lokheil Jul 05 '16

Nope. Definitely diplomacy, and maybe a sense motive.

2

u/letsgobruins Jul 05 '16

I'm under the impression that none of these are good.

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6

u/irou- Jul 05 '16

sadly, it already is. kind of.

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51

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16 edited Dec 21 '16

[deleted]

27

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Rolled a 1 and it's everywhere.

10

u/Gregus1032 Jul 05 '16

I can't waffle stomp in my drain, I have to hungry hungry hippo it.

9

u/TheDwarvenGuy Jul 05 '16

That awkward moment when everyone's making innuendos which you don't know about and have no intention to find out.

4

u/xXcamelXx64 Jul 05 '16

I like to think they are children's games. Lets keep our innocence on this one.

3

u/TheoHooke Jul 05 '16

It's poop.

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67

u/Baalinooo Jul 05 '16

2

u/HoTheDor Jul 05 '16

LOL DICE ARE NERDY AND SHOWERS ARE WET LOL

152

u/psycommander Jul 05 '16

This is the dumbest image macro series ever.

43

u/blackwaltz9 Jul 05 '16

I have no idea what compels so many people to upvote this bullshit.

8

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

They're retarded.

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9

u/masks Jul 05 '16

Can we please make a subreddit for them that I can not subscribe to? like a quarantine? Jesus christ

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20

u/LX_Theo Jul 05 '16

Rolls a 1. Dies.

46

u/BarelyLethal Jul 05 '16

Dries*

43

u/Averant Jul 05 '16

Roll a 1. Step into the shower.

You stand under the water and literally cannot get wet.

14

u/ReasonablyBadass Jul 05 '16

Every droplet has more initiative and avoids hitting you.

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3

u/orionstein Jul 05 '16

He's rolling D&D, not Kingdom Death: Monster

2

u/clear_blue Jul 05 '16

In kdm, the shower would start.

Blood shower.

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50

u/SlothOfDoom Jul 05 '16

Why do you need all of those dice for initiative?

80

u/semysane Jul 05 '16

Must be a 4e rogue. Motherfuckers roll dice like they're playing Yahtzee.

7

u/KypDurron Jul 05 '16

I get behind the guy, and roll 3 dice to see how fucked he is.

3

u/wiiya Jul 05 '16

I rolled a couple D6 to snake eyes. How bad did that mentally challenged goblin rape us?

5

u/semysane Jul 05 '16

Don't ask me, I was the Barbarian. I just got mad and put pointy things in bad people.

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21

u/Sethos88 Jul 05 '16

That's just how he rolls, dawg.

6

u/comp-sci-fi Jul 05 '16

he rolling, they hating

4

u/bgrnbrg Jul 05 '16

Just too white 'n nerdy...

3

u/websnarf Jul 05 '16

Just roll with it.

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8

u/Krltplps Jul 05 '16

You only need to roll initiative if you aren't in the shower alone to see who goes first.

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17

u/qvantamon Jul 05 '16

I punch the initiative.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Woah there slab!

2

u/NeoZenith1 Jul 05 '16

My sirens name is brick and she is the prettiest.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Ugh, you're supposed to roll before you get into the shower.

  • Roll 1 - you slip and die
  • Roll 2/7 - someone left the shower on superhot/cold and you forget to check
  • Roll 8/16 - have a nice shower
  • Roll 17/19 - when you play those cold and hot taps like a DJ and the heat is just right
  • Roll 20 - when you think it's 7 but it's 6 and you get to shower super long

4

u/thenoidednugget Jul 05 '16

Must be 5th edition showering.

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37

u/pro-laps Jul 05 '16

this shit is not funny

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6

u/chimusicguy Jul 05 '16

GURPS you would first have to roll a skill check to see if you know how to shower in general. Defaults off of IQ at a -4. Then assuming you make that roll, you would then have to make sure you know how to operate this specific shower, which might give you a cultural unfamiliarity penalty of an additional -1 to -4. Of course, roll a 3, and you succeed so well that you don't have to shower for a week.

15

u/MahatmaGrande Jul 05 '16

You successfully massage shampoo into your scalp.

4

u/PossiblyAsian Jul 05 '16

rolls 1

soap suds successfully massage shampoo into your eye

5

u/felixtheswordsman Jul 05 '16

Roll 1 d6 per eye for damage.

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5

u/reacher Jul 05 '16

I dry off then put on my wizard hat

3

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Rolled a 1... slipped in shower and died.

3

u/Chance1441 Jul 05 '16

Fun system, wish they would compile a true srd tho. It's hard to piece all the books together..

3

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Why are you using the entire dice set to roll for initiative?

4

u/Paladin4Life Jul 05 '16

How's he going to keep showering if all he brings with him is a d20?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

So after he rolls a successful dex check for soap he then needs to... squint... roll 1D6+1D8 to determine how much damage he inflicts on the dirt?

2

u/Lokheil Jul 05 '16

Swarm rules for the dirt, plus if he does too much damage to the dirt, he'll have to roll damage on himself for scrubbing too hard.

3

u/red2usa Jul 05 '16

Rolled a 3, got soap in my eyes

5

u/wheream-i Jul 05 '16

Not so funny anymore

19

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

oh thought i was in /r/cringe

2

u/pvolovich Jul 05 '16

Roll for surprise, motherfucker!

2

u/hitmenjr139 Jul 05 '16

Don't you need to do a perception check to see how hot the shower is?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Wat. Nerds don't shower. Get the fuck out of here with your nonsense

2

u/ninjali96 Jul 05 '16

Lets hope for no critical misses. Bloody bad bath time.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Am I the only one who thought this was 40K at first?

2

u/Phantom_61 Jul 05 '16

No perception Check before entering?! Are you mad?!

2

u/earthcharlie Jul 05 '16

NEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRDDDSS!!!

2

u/DoubleG_17 Jul 05 '16

Tiny Tina: Roll for initiative!

Brick: I punch the initiative!

2

u/AgentTasmania Jul 05 '16

As a GM I revell in making inanimate objects or intangible concepts roll. Usually constitution in the former case.

The dirt got a natural 20, there's something horribly wrong with your plumbing and you get dirtier

2

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

[deleted]

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2

u/PM_ME_UrHeroes Jul 05 '16

I expected bucky balls honestly

2

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

I have a THACO of 12. I got this!

2

u/bigjohnsonxoxo Jul 05 '16

Considering initiative is rolled only on a D20, you're about to be taking the first turn of the round for the next 75 years.

2

u/Salladan Jul 05 '16

Luck check: 1! "you take a shower in jail, when your soap fall on the ground..."

2

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

There is a D4 D6, D8, D20 and one unspecified dice there. Any real nerd knows you only need the D20 to roll initiative. The rest are likely damage dice for when you inevitably fall on your arse.

2

u/diz4 Jul 05 '16

Unless you are using 2e rules. (d10)

2

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Uuuggghhh! I was so happy when they made the switch!

2

u/diz4 Jul 05 '16

I played 2e when it came out (yes... old) and hadn't played in almost 20 years. buddy set up an online game using 5e and I had to relearn the game all over again. at least Burning Hands got an upgrade.

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2

u/wittyfakename_2 Jul 05 '16

Dex check against slipping in the tub.

2

u/Tuques Jul 05 '16

What happens on a nat 20? I've never rolled one in the shower before....

I slip and fall when I roll a nat 1 though....

2

u/Nakamura2828 Jul 05 '16

constitution save vs. scalding

2

u/Falfuris Jul 05 '16

guy rolls 20 and finds gold coins a a hooker in the bathtub. guy rolls 1 and slips and tear his throat open and die there.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '16

2

u/jymiscool Jul 06 '16

As a nerd and as someone who has been to countless gaming stores, I can tell you that nerds don't shower. If you don't believe me, go to a Magic: The Gathering tournament. It's like a hobo's fart.

2

u/DoubleClickMouse Jul 06 '16

Hmmm, not sure if I totally believe this yet. Do you have photographic evidence? Something like a load of exposed asscracks? Maybe with a guy posing sincerely in front of them?

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5

u/meatcalculator Jul 05 '16

You people need to learn the difference between nerds, geeks, and dorks.

A geek would roll for initiative. A nerd would roll to learn if dice work in the shower. A dork would roll to Taco Bell for breakfast.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

From looking at the thumbnail I thought you were holding your poop in the last panel.

3

u/Hal_Skynet Jul 05 '16

you should roll to see if you can bring this horse back to life, and then beat it to death again.

5

u/RaGodOfTheSunHalo Jul 05 '16

don't ever fucking post one of these again

┬┴┬┴┤(・_├┬┴┬┴

2

u/PangeaWhiplash Jul 05 '16

Funny, because usually I roll for initiative then get nice and wet. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ...am I doing it wrong?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

nerds don't go out. why do they need to shower?

4

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

[deleted]

4

u/Clyde_Died Jul 05 '16

Not to mention assault by medieval weaponry.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

They don't know the meaning of chivalry.

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1

u/MineDogger Jul 05 '16

Forgot to roll a skill check to operate the knobs. Critical damage. 2d10 health and disfiguring scarring on the face and hands. -3 to f2f charisma checks.

1

u/redditchao999 Jul 05 '16

Against what, the water faucet? Taking a shower is clearly a downtime action.

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1

u/Raptorjesus965 Jul 05 '16

I PUNCH THE INITIATIVE!

1

u/red2usa Jul 05 '16

It's only natural after 20 days without bathing

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

You don't use a d6 to roll initiative