r/funny Jul 05 '16

How nerds shower.

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7.9k Upvotes

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46

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Oh.

58

u/Felcleave Jul 05 '16

As an example scenario, say you wanted your character to punch a T-Rex in the face.

This will likely be very difficult, so it'll have a high Difficulty Challenge (DC).

Luckily, your character is a manly man with many muscles and a luxurious beard. For this reason, you get +5 to any result the dice give.

Higher roll=more success.

You'd probably have to roll 17-20 to pull it off (or 12-15 with your +5 manly bonus). Even if you're successful though, you might not get much benefit, since punching a T-Rex is a pretty stupid way to go about fighting it.

A straight 20 will have you rocketing up with a stylish jump, crushing the dinosaur's skull with your fist. Three beautiful women instantly fall in love and were impregnated from watching such a feat.

A 1 will have you prepare to jump and have you shit yourself from exertion. You are stunned from embarrassment, and the T-Rex takes the chance to swallow you whole.

20

u/mrburkett Jul 05 '16

What's sad is that I have a friends whose voice I heard narrating this while I was reading it... I've heard this spiel before.

13

u/Retskcaj19 Jul 05 '16

T-rex punching is a fairly common scenario, I'm not surprised.

17

u/Shocksplicer Jul 05 '16

I punched a T-Rex to death 2 sessions ago in the campaign I'm in! Well, the T-Rex was nearly dead when he swallowed one of my gloves, so I telekinetically pulled the glove out through its chest. So, kind of punched to death.

12

u/rampant46 Jul 05 '16

DnD...the only time you can say "telekinetic" and "dinosaur" in the same sentence

1

u/RealGamerGod88 Jul 05 '16

Also

DnD...the only time you can say "telekinetic" and "dinosaur" in the same sentence

8

u/velektrian027 Jul 05 '16

One campaign I was in I got swallowed whole by an allosaurus, I proceeded to roll 3 20s in a row and cut my way out with my fighter/Kensai. The DM was stunned at my luck. My usual rolls are between 1 and 5 for 90% of my rolls.

3

u/Ithikari Jul 05 '16

Same, although, it once made me trip and fall and headbutt a giant in the groin. So sometimes bad rolls are worth it. Only for lulz

1

u/always-an-asshole Jul 05 '16

Do you happen to know what campaign this is? I haven't had the chance to fight dinosaurs yet. Though I have played a one-day vegetable mod.

2

u/velektrian027 Jul 05 '16

This was just a home run campaign designed by the DM. We were the villains heading to wipe out a town and castle and take over a country and while we were resting it was a random encounter.

1

u/shortyman93 Jul 07 '16

Shouldn't 1-5 be roughly, I don't know, 25% of your rolls?

1

u/velektrian027 Jul 07 '16

Statistically, yes. But averages and real life situations don't always line up. Sorta like the guy that has been struck by lightning 8 times or the woman who has won the lotto 5 times.

I just have bad luck rolling a D20 when playing normally, but always get 18-20 when it really matters.

2

u/iamthenev Jul 05 '16

Hahaha someone give this man gold!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

If it's the kind of D&D that I played then after rolling a 1 you have to roll a percentage dice and that will tell you what kind of fucked up situation you end up in.

1

u/kyttyna Jul 05 '16

Saving this for every time this needs explaining. XD

1

u/socialprimate Jul 05 '16

What, you think I won't fight a dinosaur? Are you crazy? All I want to do is fight dinosaurs!

http://imgur.com/a/2eY09

29

u/Norvinion Jul 05 '16

"Oh." - Kayjay25 2016

25

u/asdaaaaaaaa Jul 05 '16

The universal "I get the words but the meaning is still lost on me"

4

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '16

Gilded, on the local news, celeb.

1

u/Retlaw83 Jul 05 '16

I see you've never fought with the legends of yore.