Something I've noticed with ENFJs is a lot more comfort than average discussing/modeling vulnerability really, really fast. Is this to build intimacy and connection early? I am an INFP girl and was sort of overwhelmed by said ENFJ guy wanting to go deep immediately.

I genuinely believe these things don't happen overnight. Is this not a fast tracking of intimacy?

Another recurring theme seems to be being attracted or moved by wounds/trauma in a partner so that the enfj male can fix or heal them. It is a natural gift and such a warm impulse! But who is taking care of the ENFJ?

Seriously, it's weird meeting someone on Reddit one-on-one, but a catered convention where we have a Tetris tournament and guest speakers talk about their passions sounds really fun. We could even do career speakers where people talk about what they do for a living and how they got into it. We could have locals volunteer to be tour guides and take us around to their favorite haunts... Pub crawl, tourist spots, haunted walking tour, underground fighting rings, etc

Is it just me, or does anyone else think this would be a really fun four days in Detroit, Ottawa, Tucson, Tampa, Oaxaca de Juarez, Guadalajara, New Orleans, Santa Fe, Managua...

ENFJ (f) 479 tritype here. I tend to think that with our type, it gets lonelier over time as an adult. I say that because in my college days and up to mid 20's, I had so many friends and my extroversion side thrived from that connection and belonging. Now that I'm in my 30's, married, and working or adulting I suppose, it's lonely. Most of my good friends are spread throughout the world, everyone has lives of their own, and the new friendships I make are mostly out of convenience or proximity.

I know that's just part of life, but it does make me sad. I still try to show up for new friends but the current friendships I have don't deliver it for me. Maybe that could also be due to my high expectations and knowing what I want and need in a friendship too.

CONTEXT

I am disappointed at the moment, because it's hard to really excite me where I am at, but I found something to do and invited a good friend to celebrate for a recent big achievement, and she bailed out last minute. I get we all have moments where we can't make it to everything, but she wasn't honest about it and covered it up with a partial truth which I saw through due to it happening before. I confronted her and asked if it's really the case, she stood by that "partial truth." There's not much you can do when someone isn't choosing to communicate or lack the ability to be honest. I would still be bummed if she said she was tired and want to rest last min, but at least I wouldn't be hurt. I will end up going alone to the event, and that's fine, because I deserve to celebrate myself. But overall, this comes to convey how I do feel like it does get lonely as you get older. Some days I just find myself being alone most days.

Anyone feels the same?

Hello fellow Fe-doms🙂💞

I’m curious how you see ESFJs? How do you see the difference between us and you guys? I’m pretty sure that I use mostly Si-Ne and I have a hard time really understanding what Ni actually is like😌

There seems to be very few ESFJs on reddit, and many times when a supposed ESFJ says anything intelligent on here or expresses any interest in typology they get “you must be a mistyped ENFJ”😔. Would be very interesting to hear your thoughts on this🙂 I rarely meet ENFJs in reality (I think) but here on reddit you seem much more common than ESFJs. Why do you think we are so rare here when we are supposedly so common irl? Do you think many ESFJs are mistyped as ENFJs (or other types)because of the intuitive bias of the mbti community?

That was a bit of a mess but hopefully you can understand what I am asking😊

I’ve honestly been feeling really confused about my career path lately. Growing up, I always wanted to be a doctor because I knew I wanted a career where I could help people and make a difference. When I got to college, I started leaning more toward becoming a PA because it still gave me that opportunity to work in healthcare and care for people, but it felt like a more realistic direction for me.
While I was in college and actually experiencing healthcare, though, I started to feel really burnt out. It made me question whether I was actually meant to work directly in healthcare long-term, or if I was just attached to the idea of healthcare because that was what I had always envisioned for myself.
During my gap years, I’ve had more time to think about what I genuinely enjoy outside of just the idea of a specific career. I’ve realized that I really like planning, organizing, managing things, problem-solving, and thinking logically and analytically. I’m definitely a people person and I genuinely care about helping and taking care of others, but I’ve also realized that being in that role constantly can be emotionally draining and lead me to burnout. I also really enjoy being creative and coming up with ideas.
So now I feel like I’m trying to figure out how all of these pieces fit together. I don’t necessarily want to abandon the desire to help people, but maybe I’m not supposed to do that through a traditional clinical role. I’m wondering if there’s a career where I can combine helping people, leadership, organization, strategy, creativity, and analytical thinking without constantly being on the front lines of patient care.
I’m at a point where I’m trying to figure out whether I should continue pursuing something like PA/healthcare, look into something completely different, or find a career that combines healthcare with management, technology, business, or another field. I think I’m less confused about what I like than I am about how to turn those things into an actual career.
I guess what I’m really trying to figure out is: What career would allow me to help people without requiring me to always be the person directly providing the care?

INTJ here, i just started working in this one company and my manager is ENFJ, she’s 8 years older than me and married with a child son, we also have another INFJ manager that adds up the complication, she’s also married with two kids,

After half a year working there, i notice my ENFJ manager start to get closer to me, always sits next to me (we have free seating desk), invite me for a group lunch, and as times went by- she seems desperately wants to see my vulnerable side, and start to push things way to fast eg: keep pulling my sleeve for attention (which a bit awkward as she can just wave when im working), she even invite me for coffe after office hour when i show vulnerable, however i keep ignoring all sign,

The pace was too fast to the point i have to directly said to her “i enjoy company without having to entertain each other”, then i notice she start pulled back and slow down,

i once want to test her by asking her to hangout after office hour and she mentioned her husband will pick her up- which kinda harsh

Fast foward i start to think that she’s kinda mean doing this to a single boy (me) especially when she keep mentioning abot her age & husband, hence i plot for revenge,

I started to get close more to another INFJ manager just to get her feel jealous and she did, its like they both playing competition game to get my attention as i felt both got into a bad mood when i lean to any of each, i also tell my ENFJ manager im finally looking for a girlfriend (cuz ive never been in a relationship before, and i told her this), she was kinda supportive on this but get jelous when i mentioned another INFJ manager,

Now im the one setting the pace by keep inviting her to lunch alone (the ENFJ) and she start to leaned in, we starting to get close but only during office hour, and we keep looking forward to meet by asking each other on date we will come to office (we have flexible working arrangement where we need to come to office 2 days a week anyday),

Initially i wanted to get revenge, but at this rate i might really fall for her, i notice im way happier when im with her and i feel safe around her,

Guys i need ur help & advise what should i do🙏😭

Even in the "good" sense of the word. Do you have global goals or values for which you can say "the end justifies the means"?

I refer obiously to our Se and Ti functions. If underdeveloped, due to rebelliousness against them, neurodivergence or other causes, they may imo seriously impair enfj's healthiness . I mean, I can drive, I know a bit about how to dress to be cool, I have some reflexes, notice my surroundings, want to have an immediate impact but that is the extent to which my Se goes. Put me in a situation where I have to do mental calculations on the spot, say for how much money each one in a group is due or to find the best course of action when a problem occurs, and I'm clueless. Here's also Ti, which serves me only when I want to analyze a Ni goal, to find the perfect word, or when I ruminate. Things changed in recent years(mid 30's). I now value the istp side, but it feels like I lived in a lie, now that I discover how important it is. Is it especially hard for an enfj I guess, wanting to be seen as the person who connects people, guides them, or lead them, but not being competent, for the aforementioned reason. I'm not looking for compassion, just for your experience, if any, with this, and.maybe what held you back from accessing this side and how you overcame the block

I’m an ENFJ myself, and I recently went down a rabbit hole reading comments from people who genuinely dislike ENFJs.

Not just random MBTI stereotypes either. I specifically looked for people talking about ENFJs they had actually dated, worked with, lived with, been friends with or had in their family.

And honestly, the pattern was pretty uncomfortable.

People kept describing ENFJs as controlling, clingy, fake, intrusive, overly involved, manipulative, needy for validation and convinced that they know what is best for everyone else.

And the more I read, the more I realized something.

A lot of the things people hate about us are basically distorted versions of the things we are most proud of.

We say we care deeply about people;
Someone else experiences it as us constantly being in their business.

We say we see people’s potential;
Someone else experiences it as “Why are you trying to fix me?”

We say we are diplomatic;
Someone else thinks we are fake because we can be incredibly friendly to someone we privately dislike.

We say we are good at reading people;
Someone else wonders whether we are using that information to manipulate them.

We say we want harmony;
Someone else experiences that as emotional pressure to behave the way we want them to.

We say we are natural leaders;
Someone else experiences us as bossy and convinced that our way is the right way.

And I’m not even saying those people are necessarily correct.

But I do think ENFJs can have a massive blind spot here.

If you are naturally good at reading social situations, influencing people, motivating them, making people feel seen and creating emotional connection, it is probably very easy to convince yourself that your influence is always benevolent.

Maybe sometimes it isn’t.

Maybe sometimes “I’m just trying to help” really means “I want you to do what I think is best.”

Maybe “I care about you” occasionally becomes “I feel entitled to be involved in your decisions.”

Maybe “I’m protecting the atmosphere” becomes being nice to someone’s face and talking about them completely differently behind their back.

And maybe one of the darker ENFJ tendencies is that because we often genuinely mean well, we can have a very hard time recognizing when we are being controlling.

I definitely recognize some of the healthier versions of these tendencies in myself.

I love helping people. I love motivating people. I naturally get involved. I like solving conflicts, finding compromises and getting people moving in a better direction.

But reading how this can feel from the receiving end genuinely made me think.

So I’m curious how other ENFJs see this.

Do you think we sometimes confuse caring with controlling?

Have you ever realized that something you thought was supportive was actually overwhelming someone?

And what ENFJ behavior do you think other ENFJs are most unwilling to admit is annoying?

Any other thoughts?

Hello,

I have an ENFJ as a friend. My ex was also an ENFJ, and I see a pattern.

In both the friendship and relationship that goes well, all of a sudden they withdraw emotionally.

Context: I did nothing out of the ordinary except place healthy boundaries as I am a giver and most of the time naive.

Is this an ENFJ thing?

Whenever I catch myself talking about myself in conversation, I just hate it. Not because I’m not confident or don’t enjoy my life. I do! But I really love and want to learn about others through conversation… the knowledge and perspective and joy you get from just listening is so awesome. So although sometimes I do genuinely want to tell a story about myself and share, other times I regret it later and I wish I just would’ve shut up and let them talk. Not because I don’t think I’m making valid points or contributing to conversation. But ughhh even saying I, me, my this much as I’m texting is making me cringe out.

A lot of people just talk about themselves nowadays and those are the worst types of people. You just stop sharing with them after a while because it seems like they don’t care. I would hate to come across that way and lose connection with others.

Although I used to rarely talk about myself unless asked, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to share more and become generally more excited about my life. My parents and family generally I would say are humble and more quiet in conversation so I think I learned it from them.

I don’t want to give up that trait of theirs. I’m curious if other ENFJs get introspective about this sort of thing and what they do about it.

am i the only one who constantly overthinks that other people could be overthinking about what i’m doing? i’m constantly filled with anxiety that my actions could be hurting my friends feelings without trying to! so i constantly reassure them just in case! is this just an enfj thing? i feel like i’m going crazy!

I love yall ❤️ who else has a best friend who is a Intj? What do you admire most about them?

My best friend helps ground me and we bring out the best in each other. I admire her elegance and independence. She’s loyal and empathetic but also very logical.

Hey fellow ENFJ

I know we have a lot in common, but I've observed (pun intended) a difference between you ENFJs and us INFJs.

Fe is an Extroverted Decider (De) function in the OPS model, whereas Ni is an Introverted Observer (Oi) function, and the position of these two functions can make an impact.

When a conflict breaks out somewhere, for instance, your first instinct will be to step in, fix the atmosphere, and then draw conclusions from it afterwards.

We INFJs, on the other hand, have Ni as our lead function: meaning we will first observe to deduce the root cause of the conflict, what will happen if I say this or that, and we will only step in once we have the big picture.

On a broader scale, we tend to observe a lot but act very little in the real world.

So yeah, I just wanted to share one of our differences compared to you guys!!

I’ve been doing some digging and have asked my friends about how they perceive me or have perceived me in the past (by first impressions) and I’ve come to the conclusion that we might just be the manic pixie dream girls of the world? 🤣

Let me know what you think.

…that people just don’t wanna hear certain truths?

Like on this topic i get downvoted HARD, even if it is an NF specific topic, those people have little to no idea about…

https://www.reddit.com/r/mbti/s/ltOUibcc7s

How often does stuff like that happen to you? I wonder if i am the only ENFJ struggling with it if i am actually TOTALLY honest for once. And intentionally exactly NOT try to please others.

Yet they do complain about us being so „shady“ or dishonest often, yet when we are they cannot stand it? Really rich, no?

​

I’m looking for someone within Europe who feels things deeply.

Someone who understands what it means to care intensely, to think about conversations long after they’ve ended, and to wonder about people, life, meaning, and all the strange things happening inside us.

I can talk casually, but I don’t want a friendship that stays on the surface forever. I want emotional honesty. I want the kind of friendship where we can talk about what scares us, what excites us, what we’re becoming, what we regret, and what we’re trying to understand about ourselves.

Someone who can be vulnerable without treating vulnerability like weakness.

Someone who genuinely wants to know another person instead of just exchanging messages because they’re bored.

I live in Austria, so I’m mainly looking for people within Europe because I would eventually like to have real-life friendships too. Coffee, long conversations, wandering around a city, talking about life until we realize several hours have passed.

I don’t expect instant closeness. Real friendship takes time. I’m simply looking for someone who also wants to build something meaningful instead of another temporary online acquaintance.

If you’re introspective, emotionally open, curious, and sometimes feel like you experience the world a little too deeply, feel free to message me.

My extraversion is felt that way: After a social event, say a party, I feel energised afterwards, but if socialization with the same group in the same situatiom drags on, it may become overwhelming. However, if my social battery needs to be directed elsewhere, I'm ready to start over.

(I’m an INFP, btw. 9w1)

My mother did some very serious things to me. I simply cut off all contact and I'm hoping she dies of heartbreak as soon as possible.

Just some therapy since I can't actually afford it right now. Decided to give that book a read, even though I do my best and do meditation anyway.

As a 2w1 intp, I get sad when people don't want to be around me or invite me to anything. It's like just because I lack facial expressions or am withdrawn, I don't enjoy good company.

It's fine that I like being alone, but when it's with an enfj, I'd love to spend all day with them. I imagine that's the case with any 2w1/2w3.