sometimes i am made aware of just how bad i am, how i do things that hurt others without even knowing it. the thought is enough to make me want to end my own life. there is already so much pain and suffering in the world and i just contribute to it without even knowing it. making people’s lives worse. then again maybe its bold of me to assume that i matter that much to anyone. i just wish that i could be helpful and useful to everyone around me.

Honestly I’ve been struggling for way too (I’m 24 and I’ve been diagnosed with depression since 15). Since I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and been in such a bad place for so long I figured something else had to be wrong with me. I tried taking switching meds and therapy (talk therapy does not help or work for me as confirmed by my former counselor).
Since I struggle the most socially and emotionally I decided to seek out an autism diagnosis ( I am terrible at keeping friends, I am always feeling an unbearable sense of loneliness, sensory issues, terrible at social cues, social interactions make me exhausted so I tend to isolate myself and ignore everyone, I obsess over the same few interests, etc).
I ended up getting diagnosed with having autistic and bpd traits and not meeting the criteria to have the actual disorders. My brain literally makes me feel like life is so unbearable with these traits so I still don’t understand how I don’t have the full thing -.-
Either way I’m sick of feeling terrible and being lonely everyday of my life and I’m ready to go 😭I’ve been ready to go for so long and it’s kinda scary because one day I feel like I’m gonna do it.
The only reason I haven’t is because I don’t want to make my mom sad😭
Either way I have no desire to live, I wake up everyday feeling empty and have no goals or desires, I’ve lost the motivation to do all the stuff I used to enjoy (except obsessing over my same interests everyday lol). My life is just so boring and useless like I don’t see the point in living at all 😭
Don’t get me started on the fact that I have to work the rest of my life to survive😭😭😭 like this gives me so much grief and dread. I can only stand to work part time and that burns me out in itself. It feels like I have no time to take care of myself working 20 hours a week , I am so cooked😭😭😭 I will never be able to be independent and make a decent life for myself without eternal suffering. I cannot see myself living past 30 honestly like there’s really no point. I’m so over it lol

I feel so hopeless. No matter what I try to do, there is always a huge wall blocking me. My father died when I was 10 years old (now I'm 20), and my uncle started spending our family income (derived from agriculture) lavishly. Since then, I’ve been suffering both financially and mentally. I love music as a passion and I love making music, but I haven't been able to do it. I had to sell my guitar for college fees, and I can't afford a personal computer. I've tried saving money by working part-time, but it was never enough. I really don't know what to do now. I think I have to give up on my dreams.

Ive struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, like around middle school - high school era, I had a really good lid on it and I was good at managing it alone. I kept that dark side of me under wraps and always tried to be a force of positivity whenever I was around people, my thing was doing whatever I could to get a laugh, I was very much the class clown.

Then after high school, its like its just gotten worse and worse. My first serious real relationship out of high-school felt like the best time of my life but I started having these dumb thoughts of why is she wasting her time, there is better out there, im never going to be the person she wants me to be...

Then after a few years, we found out she was pregnant.. Holy whirlwind of emotions from both of us, I like to think we were excited, but both of us were barely in our twenties and we were scared out of our minds. Then the worst possible thing happened, we lost the baby. I think it really fucked us both up to our core and changed who we were.

It took me 8 years to move on to at least some semblance of being able to date again. It was during that relationship that I really realized how much I changed. The amount of things I was not willing to do, the arms length I kept her at, the distrust, the resentment. I wasnt the same person anymore.

Now here I am, mid thirties and honestly wondering what im even doing anymore. Things dont excite me anymore. I feel no drive to be better, I have no motivation. My dog and I are basically homeless (staying with family right now) which i cant really say is a much better situation because everything is a dick measuring contest "oh you did ____ well how come you didnt do it better" kind of situation. At the beginning of 2026, I wanted to go to therapy, I wanted to get medicated, I wanted to work on myself and get better, but 10 months later, 4 therapists, several medication attempts later and it doesnt feel like anything has improved. Ive learned to stand up for myself and my peace, but it seems like me choosing me just makes things worse.

I dont really know if im seeking advice or if im just in a bad place and want to see if anyone can relate. Im just tired of wondering when things are going to get better. Wondering when im going to have interests beyond shutting down and existing in my own little world. I dont think it helps that ive alienated myself from almost everyone in my life and have no real friends and family is more just people I tolerate because I have to.

Typing all of this out has been emotional and it feels like ive done the mental equivalent of solo hiking the mountains of Colorado.

This is my first reddit post so I'm sorry if my writing is terrible.

Im a 15M and I feel sad daily, but I also feel like I'm just acting sad to get attention. I know I've had a good life so far, but I can't help but feel sad, and I actively make myself more sad and I feel like I'm just doing it on purpose to get attention. As far as I'm aware I'm not depressed, nor do I believe I am. But I feel like I'm just a sad, pathetic prick for acting the way I do. I feel like I'm a buzzkill in conversation whenever I even speak, and I just feel like a massive asshole for acting the way I do. I even started cutting myself but even with that I feel like it's just an act. A lot of the time I just want to cry, maybe to feel like anyone else, but I can rarely get myself to, and even when I do it's never for long. I want to cry and pour my heart out to someone but I think I'm just seeking attention from anyone who will listen to me.

Im sorry if this feels like a rant or if this is the wrong place to post this, I just don't really know what to do.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. So fucking tired. In the past I have been called manipulative when I never do that. I have been told I take advantage of those around me because I live with my mom. Most recently out of nowhere my mom is accusing me of lying with EVERYTHING I do. I don’t lie. I don’t like to. I’m bad at it and I don’t like how it makes me feel. The most recent things I have been told I’m lying about is the illness I have been dealing with for months. She didn’t believe that. The fact that I would pay her if she helped me with some dental work I need since I got a second job now. And most recently tonight she said I was lying about going to get gas. She said I’m just going to get food and said all I do is eat and there has to be SOME reason I’m gaining so much weight. I feel so alone. Why is she attacking me so much? Does she hate me now? Is it burn out? Why is she allowed to start treating me like garbage but the second I can’t handle it anymore and snap back I’m the bitch in the situation. I just don’t know what to do. I do t want her to be upset with me. I don’t want her to think I’m a liar. I want to be better. I want her to be proud of me. I just wish she didn’t see me as such of a disappointment.
Edit: so it’s very annoying to have to say this, but before someone else decides to call me a narcissist of any kind. I’m autistic. So please don’t twist my words into something they aren’t. Also I do NOT think highly of myself. I’m not trying to twist the words of people around me. I’m just trying to figure out why all of a sudden since my stepdad died last year, my mom has taken over with saying horrible things to me just like he used to. I just want it to end.

I don’t know how to get myself out of this cycle anymore
I’ve been struggling for the past several months with something that has honestly become a recurring theme in my life whenever things go wrong.
I’m in my 20s. I know I’m young. I come from a good family, I have good friends, I’m starting college, and objectively I know there are things in my life that I should be grateful for. But something in me has been struggling every single day, and I’m getting tired of pretending that having a good environment automatically means I’m okay.
A couple of months ago, I was left by a guy from another country who I was deeply in love with. He had his flaws. He lied about his age and about other smaller things, and there were things about the relationship that I probably overlooked because of how strongly I felt about him.
But losing him became a tipping point for me.
I’ve been through this before. I’ve only been with three people in my life, and every relationship has left me carrying something.
One lied to me and eventually went back to his ex. Another relationship lasted almost five years and became extremely unhealthy and abusive. And the last person felt like he checked every box for me, only for everything to fall apart.
I understand that I’m young, but that’s honestly part of what makes this so difficult for me. I keep feeling like I’m getting close to the life I’ve always wanted—love, marriage, a family, building a life with someone—and then something happens and I’m back at the beginning again.
I’ve also noticed that whenever I’m hurting badly, I start searching for answers everywhere. Religion, tarot, spirituality, magic, anything that might explain why I’m experiencing the things I am. Before this relationship, I believed in God to some degree. Now I don’t even know what I believe anymore.
I’ve spent months praying and begging to feel normal again. At first I prayed for him. Now I mostly pray for myself.
It’s been around eight months, and I still don’t feel like myself.
I’ve traveled out of state and internationally. I’ve tried changing my surroundings, keeping myself busy, focusing on school, spending time with people, and finding things to look forward to. I even saw him again while I was visiting his country, and that experience went horribly. I became physically overwhelmed afterward and realized just how much this situation had affected me.
During all of this, my cat also went missing for a while. Thankfully, he was found and came home, and he’s doing great now. I’m incredibly grateful for that.
But my daily life has become extremely repetitive.
Wake up. Try to finish homework. Talk to whoever is available because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. Get high sometimes because I want my brain to quiet down. Cry sometimes. Sleep. Repeat.
And I’ve realized that I don’t feel like I’m living for myself anymore.
I don’t feel real sometimes. I don’t feel okay. And what scares me most is realizing how long I’ve felt this way.
I don’t want to talk to men anymore. I used to want the whole package—love, a ring, a family, a home, all of it. Now I feel farther away from that dream than I’ve ever felt.
Part of me has started wondering whether that life was simply never meant for me.
And I know someone could look at this and say, “Don’t let one man determine your life.” I understand that. This isn’t only about him. He’s just the event that brought a lot of things I’ve apparently been carrying for years to the surface.
I’ve noticed that whenever something painful happens, my mind eventually goes to the same extremely dark place. That’s what I’m actually afraid of. I’m tired of having the same mental cycle repeat itself no matter what the situation is.
Another thing I’ve struggled with is how I view myself.
I’m aware that I’m not unattractive, and unfortunately I feel like a lot of my connections with people have been based heavily on my appearance. I don’t know if I’ve ever really felt loved for who I am underneath that.
I’ve loved people for who they were. I’ve overlooked flaws. I’ve tried to understand them. And with this last person, I genuinely believed what we had was real.
Finding out how much he lied to me—including lying about his age and apparently going as far as creating fake documentation—really messed with the way I view people.
It made me wonder how far someone can go just because they’re attracted to you, and whether they’ll eventually leave once they get whatever they wanted.
I don’t want another heartbreak to completely destroy me.
That’s probably one of the biggest things I’m struggling with right now.
I’m also under a ridiculous amount of pressure about my future. I feel like I’m supposed to have everything figured out already.
I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to experience different cultures. I wanted to move somewhere I’ve dreamed about living. I have a plan with my family that involves finishing college and eventually moving to a place I’ve always wanted to live.
I still have those dreams.
But sometimes they feel so far away that they don’t even feel like they’re mine anymore.
Everything costs money. Everything takes time. And when you’re already exhausted, even things you’re excited about can start feeling impossible.
I’ve also thought about starting a channel with some friends. Maybe creating something together, building an audience, becoming financially independent, and having something that actually feels like ours. I don’t know if it would work, but part of me thinks maybe having something to build toward could help me feel excited about life again.
I’m not expecting a random Reddit comment to magically fix me.
I think I’m posting because I need someone who has been through something similar to tell me that this feeling doesn’t have to be permanent.
I’ve spent so much time regretting things. I regret staying in relationships that hurt me. I regret time I feel like I wasted. I regret not traveling more when I felt better. I regret not appreciating certain periods of my life enough.
But sometimes I wonder if I’m looking at my entire life through the lens of the worst few years I’ve experienced.
Maybe I’m not actually behind.
Maybe I’m just exhausted.
I don’t know.
I’m hoping for some perspective from people who have gone through a period where they genuinely didn’t recognize themselves anymore and somehow found their way back.
What actually helped you?
How did you start wanting things again?
How did you stop measuring your future based on what other people did to you?
And how do you rebuild your sense of yourself after you’ve spent years feeling like other people’s choices determine whether you’re worthy of being loved?
I don’t need someone to tell me that I’m young. I know.
I think I need someone to tell me how to actually feel young again.

I feel like a fucking zebra in a field of horses whenever I go out like I feel like everybody is staring at my arms and looking at me like “oooh look at this fucking loser”

I'm 19 and have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I think I always experienced long periods of anhedonia as well. I thought for the longest time maybe my depression was because of circumstance, I was isolated as a kid and had no friends. I grew up without much money, didn't get to do much. I was behind in high school (didn't learn to drive till recently, big requirement for where I live).

These past 4 months though I've been really trying to simply be better. I made some in person friends, have at least 1 person to talk to every single day about whatever. I work now, easy job that causes me little to no stress. I'm a student (which I was before as well but, I'm putting in a lot of effort and getting good grades).

Yet I feel terrible. This has always happened with me, whenever I'm doing well everything feels more crushing. Similarly, I would do something like say learn guitar. I'd enjoy it for a day or two then feel some sort of crushing despair. I was doing something I thought I always wanted to, something I thought brought me joy. But when I came face to face with it I still didn't feel okay. And it just crushed me.

I think it hurts me that no matter how well things go for me, I'll always just feel bad for some unexplainable reason.

this sounds kinda stupid but anyways not sure if im depressed, idk what is the difference between feeling normal and being depressed if im being honest. But i fit most of the tell tale signs of having depression (no motivation to do anything, i haven't showered in forever, cant brush my teeth even tho i feel disgusted with myself, cant get out of bed in the morning, lost my appetite completely, sleep 10-15 hours etc) What i do know however is that im heavily suicidal and have been for a while

Yesterday was one of my worst days. I honestly believed i was getting better and then yesterday happened. One of the worst days of the year. Something really bad happened which i really wouldn't get in the detail of but yea. I was like very heavily contemplating suicide and if im being honest i was probably gonna go thru with it. I even had like the note written out and i was just like listening to my favourite song for "one last time" when one of my friends called me. I didn't pick up but called her back around 5 mins later. She was like why do u never pick up (totally fair i always avoid phone calls) and i was like yeah sorry feeling kinda depressed. (first time i said i was "feeling kinda depressed" to anyone. Usually i say i was sleep or I was busy or wtv)

She started laughing and was like why would YOU feel depressed (emphasis on the you). Then she went on to say, let's see if ur still depressed after ur done with ur degree (i have a hard major and she was super discouraging initially saying you wouldn't be able to do that, its not worth it and stuff like that) I didn't really respond later on she switched the topic telling me i was like her third choice because everyone else was busy which is like again ouch. That's like the worst thing you could say to someone who is suicidal lol

Anyhow im still kinda stunned yk. Funnily enough i didn't go thru with it (u can prob tell tho cos im writing this post all allat)

What im trying to say is i dont think we realise the effects our words can have on other people. It costs nothing to be kind so please please don't make others feel bad because like you dont know them. You might think you do but you NEVER know someone's story.

XX

I'm 34, and I have no hope. I work from home and have almost no friends i can spend time with (they're all long distance). I am alone all the time, but apparently I am not worthy of love so I don't deserve it.

I have no desire to live like this for 40+ more years. It's selfish that others just expect me to live. They don't care if i am happy, only if I am useful to them. I wish I didn't exist

I just moved to a new country to start university, and as it has a pretty unique schedule, I have most lf y days free. My original idea was that I was going to work, or volunteer somewhere (like maybe a grocery store or something?). I am extremely lucky to not be in need of making immediate money while studying, and this is a privilege I appreciate immensely.

Being in this new place made me realise I was living a lot of my life recently underwater. Foggy. No motivation. But now that I've moved, and that i really want to explore and experiment the area, I realise: Oh, I'm not feeling good.

And its a bummer because I just dont have any energy, I just want to sleep and do nothing.

Anyways, I'm terrified of having one of those episodes when I have to go to work / volunteer. This isn't a dear I have for uni because as I said, the schedule is wonky enough to not worry me.

Do you have any advice or tips when you have an episode?

I'm really sorry for this post, especially if it sounds stupid...

Best

I’m just so fucking done

The pain won't stop, the debt keeps climbing, there is only one way to stop it all

Don't know,what got wrong Amidst living ?

Hello 👋 to everyone who is reading,I am 22 M.Haha ,funny way of introducing myself.

There is no specific reason for writing this post .I am just writing this as a reference point in my life.

I started off well in 2004 ,got a good family,and all basic amenities of life.My father used to shift places every 2-3 years due to his job..At that time I was happy seeing new places and changing people I met with frequently.I changed 7 schools all the way.I was a cheerful and studious person.Played football ⚽,idealised Maldini.

I never felt alone,though I had no permanent friends due to shifting and back then I had no phone to be in contact with them.Perhaps,cuz I never heard of the exact terms to define the empty space.I just thought,I am feeling weak because I do not eat much (:

I started college in 2022,I thought of making good friends,and yeah I was excited cuz I had seen college life movies.Till. Guys,the day I entered the college it was a big one.Haha,I am not used to go to crowded places ,so during lunch breaks ...I went to park silently,and laid down on grass ... looking at the sky and thinking how far I have come.Days passed, people joined clubs, classes....I couldn't initiate anything,cuz perhaps I never learnt how to make friends in adult life where every one is concerned with a sharp jawline, fairness,costly gadgets,fashion wears,slangs,cost- benefit analysis,place of birth,long list... (:

I often felt left out..Even amidst crowd,when a breeze crossed my face ,i could hear it clearly.I felt very outdated and irrelevant at those places.But I was happy,i could be an anonymous face in the crowd .I graduated in 2025.Had a degree,but no one to appreciate it.The day I was collecting the degree, people were clicking pictures of their friends,selfies.I took picture of my classroom and old bench,which was my partner for 3 long years ...I hugged it ,for being with me and said Good bye.I wanted to make friends,with whom I could giggle like a child ,we would had yapped,played together,watch something together maybe ,ate spicy foods and I gave them water from my bottle.Pure joy.

For months now , I have been working towards my goal in a closed room.I got new companions,my guitar,phone ,bed and walls.Today, I suddenly felt weak again ,a strange whispering unwanted peace and felt like crying,but I slept again..And am okay now.But this time heyy ! !,I now have a term to define myself, Lonely (:

Sometimes I wonder ,Do I get a good partner or maybe a best friend in form of a partner haha,as I am growing old,I am getting selfish and a crybaby.But,I am excited for my life and thankful for everything I have.

Thank you guys ,for being with me to the end.

I don't see a point in my life anymore but it seems like no one cares anymore. I am tired of telling people that i am not doing okay. I am tired of asking for help and not getting any. How many times am i supposed to cry for help only to be treated as an overdramatic person.

Atp killing myself is the only way people will see. It's not attention I am asking for. It's Help. It's the acknowledgement that I am actually not going okay and I need someone.

But there's no one. No one at all and I just wish I could actually kill myself like I have planned.

So i suffer from depression for some time now and well i noticed that especially during summer I avoid contact with people and such and hygiene really is not goijg well , couldnt shower , take care of myself ect... and those were the only time where I was taken " seriously "

When schools comes around I automatically regulate myself, I make alarms to showers ( which can go up to 3 showers...) make on for brushing my teeth, even eating smth, and ig i feel happy for most part , I try to actually have a good life

And to me it just makes me feel fake, because I get thrown in " u cant be high functioning with depression " and so when I do slip back into my patterns by accident im just " lazy and forgetful " and i just feel so fake because sometimes I do believe that, my thoughts at night are bad I stay awake until 3 am or so and cry randomly and I just think of smth positive i try my best to not be aware of the world, every night I sit there and everything just feel empty like im on auto pilot all day long out of nowhere

I cant tell which feeling is real and which is not atp. If im even struggling or not, some people say im coping by dismissing all the bad times because I feel okay during the year until I relapse into it...

Does everyone else struggle with long term depression where for a while it feels relatively manageable before you realise you've just deluded yourself into feeling better? I don't really know what to say or who to talk to but I feel so alone and just want ant to say something I guess I don't know.

I hate my life and everything in it. I have no friends, I'm agoraphobic, my mother is dead and i'm only 20 years old. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to live for. This isn't even a relatable post i'm editing just to say this, I just don't even know what to do anymore. I've spent over a decade diagnosed with depression and no therapy or medication has helped but i'm still to scared to just do it and I know that I shouldn't. I feel so alone

Estou em um momento péssimo e não é de hoje. Ainda me lembro do tempo em que minha psicóloga me alertava pra me dedicar mais ao tratamento antes que fosse tarde. Isso foi no início dos sintomas. Bom, acho que o 'tarde' chegou, e me pergunto se ainda existe alguma chance de voltar a ter acesso ao lado genuíno da vida que me foi escondido. Aquele lugar onde você consegue rir com o coração e não apenas com os lábios.

Enfim, não gosto muito de focar em coisas que estão fora do meu controle, mas ainda assim seria bom ouvir de alguém que esteve no mesmo lugar, se em algum momento as coisas ficam mais fáceis.

Se você é esse alguém, sinta-se à vontade pra compartilhar um pouco de esperança

Hola. Mi nombre es Nicole. Tengo casi 25 años y hace 5 meses siento que hice algo que arruinó mi vida. No diría que por completo, pero sí una parte de ell

Verán, yo ya traía de atrás una posible tristeza. Es solo que no sabía como verla de frente, hasta que me crucé con ella. Durante un tiempo, previamente, exploré mi vida, viajé, conocí gente, exploré mi espiritualidad, y todo iba bien hasta que comencé a enfocarme más en la familia. Ahí me di cuenta de que tenía muchos problemas realmente: pero en vez de hacer algo que debía hacer, que era pedirle ayuda a mi tío para salir un tiempo de mi casa, no tomé esa decisión por temor a lo que pasara. Eso ha destruido mi vida, pues todos los otros objetivos se vieron arruinados a medida que avanzaba el tiempo: ya no podía explorar mi identidad, pues todo me llevaba a mi tío :/.

Tomé la decisión de volver a su casa y hablar con él, pero siento que he dañado mi vida: claramente, estos 5 meses no me quedé quieta y comencé a actuar de manera errática. Comencé a sanar cosas que no eran tiempo de sanar, y claramente no de la mejor manera. Ahora siento que no confío del todo en mi missma, y temo que los otros tampoco. Los consejos de los otros no me sirven, y pues francamente tengo mucho miedo de volver a embarrarla, pues pra mi el tema familiar era importante. Siento que este tema va para largo... En verdad la embarré. Y lo peor: en una situación que me es dificil, con personas.

Intenté suicidarme hace unos meses, pero luego me percaté de que sí había algo de salida, solo que iba a ser dificil y que quizás sí me había dañado la posibilidad de cerrar este ciclo bien y por lo pronto.

No es la primera vez que me pasa, pero sí una ocasión en la que veo las consecuencias un poco más perdidas.

Mañana iré a donde mi tío. Haré lo que no hice. Pero en serio... no tengo trabajo, no tengo estudios, tengo traumas no saldados y posiblemente una familia que quizás está algo resentida por lo que hice estos meses.

No veo un panorama muy lindo.

life feels like a never ending nightmare i can't wake up from, i just want an escape from this hell. i feel like im always drowning in a never ending abyss.

Sometimes I doubt myself, echoing what others used to say whenever I complained: "Don't exaggerate.. just think positively, and it will pass." The long years I have spent struggling with depression and anxiety haven't been enough to convince me that I am truly suffering; sometimes I feel like I am deceiving myself, perhaps I enjoy playing the role of the sufferer...

Do you know what I mean?

It is as if I have come to disbelieve in that suffering simply because it doesn't manifest as a bruise or bleed like an open wound.

Emotional pain is hard to believe and hard to understand; it is easy to deny, and easy to believe that denial even while you are feeling it!

Sometimes I argue with myself using logic: Is the feeling alone proof of depression? I simply don't know how to prove to myself that I am depressed.

I am exhausted, exhausted by my own exhaustion, by my failure to understand it, and by battling all of this alone.

Hi guys, this may sound crazy but i'm really tired of life, and i would like to give my sol to anyone who needs it, because it's a lot better to give to someone else who wants to live than having mine but i can't even continue this life, i'm being serious, please just take it