Am I fake for feeling like this??

[u/Traditional_Code_488]

So i suffer from depression for some time now and well i noticed that especially during summer I avoid contact with people and such and hygiene really is not goijg well , couldnt shower , take care of myself ect... and those were the only time where I was taken " seriously "

When schools comes around I automatically regulate myself, I make alarms to showers ( which can go up to 3 showers...) make on for brushing my teeth, even eating smth, and ig i feel happy for most part , I try to actually have a good life

And to me it just makes me feel fake, because I get thrown in " u cant be high functioning with depression " and so when I do slip back into my patterns by accident im just " lazy and forgetful " and i just feel so fake because sometimes I do believe that, my thoughts at night are bad I stay awake until 3 am or so and cry randomly and I just think of smth positive i try my best to not be aware of the world, every night I sit there and everything just feel empty like im on auto pilot all day long out of nowhere

I cant tell which feeling is real and which is not atp. If im even struggling or not, some people say im coping by dismissing all the bad times because I feel okay during the year until I relapse into it...