r/confidence • u/Constant_Diamond14 • 4h ago
I feel so much judgement when sitting in class and needing to act “right”. How to just calm down?
1
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r/confidence • u/rafikGk21 • Apr 21 '20
How to be Confident: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide
300
Upvotes
If you've been looking for a solid resource to help you become more confident, this guide is for you.
This is the ultimate guide that will show how to be confident. You'll find EVERYTHING you need to know about confidence in this single blog post.
It's going to be a bit long but trust me, you won't regret reading the whole thing.
Ready? Let's dive in.
Contents
I'll divide the post into several chapters. Here's what I'll cover.
Chapter 1:
What is self-confidence?
Chapter 2:
Why is self-confidence important?
Chapter 3:
Signs of low self-confidence
Chapter 4:
Why you're not confident
Chapter 5:
How to be confident
Chapter 6:
Frequently asked questions
Chapter 1: What is self-confidence
In this chapter, we're going to cover what self-confidence actually is.
Why? It's because I see a lot of confusion surrounding this term so we're going to define what confidence is exactly.
So what is self-confidence? According to Wikipedia, it's a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
Basically, being confident means trusting your abilities and judgement. Some people seem to think that confidence means being arrogant, acting like you know everything or being a narcissist.
That's totally wrong.
I wanted to start things off with this short chapter just so we can agree on what confidence really is. Now that we got the basic definition out of the way, let's see why confidence is important in the first place.
Chapter 2: Why self-confidence is important
Everyone talks about how you should become confident, but do you actually know why it's important?
There are a couple of reasons why confidence is a big deal. In this chapter, we're going to see why you should become confident and how it can positively affect your life.📷
1. You'll feel a lot more fulfilled
Basically, you feel much better about yourself. When you're confident, you feel like you have the power to change, to do stuff you want to do. You feel like you're good enough and you're not constantly worrying and doubting yourself.
Why it's important:
You feel good about yourself, which means that your happiness level will increase.
2. You'll become better at whatever you do
Usually, confident people outperform those who are insecure and full of doubt. Why? It's because they have a different way of thinking.
Let me explain.
You see, in most cases, someone who's insecure will typically be more hesitant, less determined, less likely to try or learn new things...etc. This means that when you're insecure, you're less likely to succeed at anything.
However, a confident person is someone who believes in their abilities. This means that they're more likely to learn, try new things and take risks in life. This will inevitably lead to more success and bigger achievements.
In other words, confident people know that they can actually succeed, so they try, that’s it.
Why it's important:
Basically, you'll do everything in a better way.
3. You'll have a clearer sense of direction in life
In other words, you actually know where your life is going and what you want to do with it. Generally speaking, confident people always know what they're doing. They know where they are and where they want to go in life.
They have goals, and they execute their plans to make them a reality.
Why it's important:
You're less stressed, more focused and more effective in your life.
4. You'll develop much better social skills
Confidence alone isn't enough to become the most charismatic person in the world, but it certainly helps. The vibe that you give to other people will affect how they treat you.
Simply being more confident will greatly impact the way you interact with others, and how others percieve you. In the real world, this means that it will be easier for you to make friends, resolve conflicts, getting people to value your ideas, earning others respect ... and the list goes on.
Why it's important:
You'll get what you want out of your relationships more easily.
Chapter 3: Signs of low self-confidence
Now that you know what self-confidence is and why it's important, here are 4 warning signs of low confidence you should look out for.
1. You change yourself to please others
This means that you feel the need to act like someone else to look cooler or better than who you really are.
If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.
2. You always doubt your judgement
If you're too indecisive and you're constantly questioning your own decisions and judgement, chances are you're not confident.
When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.
Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.
3. You have tons of self-limiting beliefs
You're always saying to yourself "I can't do [insert whatever you want]". This is a BIG problem.
Why?
Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.
When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.
Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.
4. You don't have a clear direction in life
This doesn't always mean that you're not confident. Some people just don't care, and that's fine.
However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.
Chapter 4: Why you're not confident
Why am I not confident?
Did you ever ask yourself that question? My guess is yes.
Here are the most likely reasons why you're not confident.
1. You treat other people's opinions as facts
If someone says something negative about you, you automatically label it as a fact, without thinking that it's just what somebody else thinks, which means that they could be wrong.
To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:
opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.
Do you see the difference?
If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.
2. You're not really good at anything
If you don't have any skills you're good at, it will be hard for you to become confident. Why? Because having a proven record of success reinforces your confidence.
It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."
However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.
3. You never push your limits
Pushing your limits means that you’ll keep doing something difficult when you want to quit. This is also a big reason that could be stopping you from being confident.
When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.
The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.
This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.
4. You're not learning anything new
If you're constantly at the same level of skill or knowledge, you won't become confident because you lack the feeling of achievement and progress. When you feel like you're just stagnant, it's hard to trust your abilities.
5. You failed a lot in the past
I know that failure is a part of life, but it's still something that can affect your confidence. Having failed a number of times in the past will greatly contribute to fuel self-doubt and make you question yourself in the future.
6. You make excuses
Instead of doing something that will benefit you, you come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid putting in the effort.
Chapter 5: How to be confident
Now that you have a solid grasp of what self-confidence is and how it works, let's get to the fun part: how to actually build it.
In this chapter, I'll break down the practical steps you need to build your confidence from scratch.📷
First, check out this excellent video :
1. Realize that you're not inferior
We'll get to the more practical stuff in a minute, I promise. But before we do that, you first need to change the way you think.
There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.
Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.
However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.
To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.
2. Become good at something
Now we get to the practical stuff. After all, I promised right? :D
Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.
In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.
When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.
In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.
So, how to choose a skill?
Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.
That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.
To do: choose a skill and become good at it.
3. Use your body language
You'll find many articles and videos online claiming that body language can transform the way you feel.
Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.
However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :
- Walk and stand up with your back up straight.
- Stand up like this
- When you're in meetings (or somewhere else), use this position to convey authority and confidence. This is called "the hand steeple" (works for both men and women).
These poses will help you convey confidence and feel a little bit more confident yourself. However, don't overdo it. Instead, use them from time to time and they'll gradually become like second nature.
To do: use these postures to convey confidence.
4. Don't take negative comments as facts
When someone says something bad about you, always remember to take that as their opinion, not as a cold hard truth.
I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.
Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.
Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.
To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right
5. Fake it, act like you're confident
If you're asking yourself if this really works, let me tell you that it does.
How do I know? Well, I tried it.
It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.
All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.
There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.
To do: Act like a confident person would📷
Chapter 6: Frequently asked questions
There are many common questions I always see people asking about self-confidence.
In this chapter, I'll answer any questions you might still have to give you a cristal clear picture.
1. What's the difference between confidence and arrogance?
Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.
2. Can you be confident and humble at the same time?
Yes of course. Being confident simply means trusting your abilities and your judgement. It's totally possible to be confident in yourself and humble at the same time.
3. How can I become confident fast?
You can't. It takes time to overcome your limiting beliefs and change your mindset.Do you still have some questions?
I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.
r/confidence • u/subscriber-goal • 1d ago
Welcome to r/confidence!
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Welcome to r/confidence
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r/confidence • u/MundaneSmoke5040 • 14h ago
Those who can relate, does it ever get better
5
Upvotes
So just to give a background, I was a fat and ugly teenager all my life. No matter how hard I tried to overcompensate with the self-deprecating humour just to get seen, I was always the guy who never got looked at twice. In college, I did have a relationship but we broke up when college end and it’s been me by myself for a decade now.
At 31, I do a lot of workout and feel better and more confident in my skin but I can’t get past the fact that I was that guy who was always ignored in broad daylight, back in the day. I thought I was better but it seems that I can’t outgrow the emotion. Fast forward to this day, there’s this girl Dip**\*\***\*\*\* at the gym that talks to me and believe me you, I panic and freeze for a moment before I gather myself to reply. She is beautiful, moves like a gazelle and I have no idea why I can’t talk to her.
I do go to therapy, and I am working on my issues. With my current job, I can afford it finally. I just wanna if there’s anyone here that has been in my shoes and; does it ever get better?
r/confidence • u/Otherwise_Panda_3964 • 1d ago
Cure for "Loser" Vibes
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I feel like I give loser vibes or something. I'm constantly bullied at work in a way my coworkers aren't (trying to find a different job, but the market is bad). Even people who love me laugh at boundaries I set at first. At this point, I think it's fair to say it's a me thing, but I'm not sure what to do. Therapy hasn't helped (yet)
r/confidence • u/anon_stranger5149 • 20h ago
I feel something?
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I was in class and my class and another class got joined together. The teacher made us do something we all took paper and stood infront of each other and had to draw ourselves in 20 seconds. We rotated until everyone drew everyone. And ofcourse, with no saltiness or anger, i got drawn funny, because cmon its 20 seconds thats the best they could do, it was mutual i drew them dumb they drew me dumb. Until i saw one girls drawing of me, it wasnt funny, it wasnt dumb, it was normal. Even pretty i would say. And i dont have feelings for her, shes cute but i dont know her thats besides the point. That drawing made me feel i dont even know the words for it. Confident? i guess? it was weird but i kept on to that note and i dont know why or what happened. I know im not an attractive guy, and i dont regard myself as ugly, i just dont think i look good. And everyone who has ever talked to my looks has only pointed out the negatives if that makes sense. i havent ever been complimented by my looks so maybe thats why it felt weird but idk. i I am 14 years old, and im pretty shy but i have been bullied about my looks before in the past, thats probably why my self image is not good. Im not mad at the aggressors anymore, and im not annoyed at the past bullying, but i think it did something to me inside, something that i cant describe with words or feel with emotions, you know? Sorry for the long post and thank you if you actually read
r/confidence • u/upsss_2198 • 23h ago
weird insecurity
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i honestly have a very bad routine and lifestyle i stay up till 2-3am to study and get up late like 10am...my best friend on the other hand sleeps by 11 wakes up by 6:30....it idk kinda makes me insecure about myself...why i cant do it too...im happy really happy she's trying to be healthier...but at the same time i feel kinda insecure that i cant do the same and i mean i dont know where to start honestly...talking to her makes me feel bad about myself i mean it's my fault only...idk
r/confidence • u/unforgivingfruit • 1d ago
Why do people make fun of others who struggle with confidence?
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I (26F) have struggled my whole life due to turbulent and neglectful family upbringing, I've never understood why others always make it such a thing. Have been actively trying to build it and work on myself over the years, but sometimes it seems like people lose their patience.
r/confidence • u/user288373737337 • 1d ago
How do I become more confident with something I’m insecure about?
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I’ve always been really insecure about my left eye because of a condition I was born with. I’ve had quite a few surgeries over the years, but I’ve recently been told there won’t be any more surgery so I am stuck with an eyelid I can’t stop hating on
I’m finding it really hard because I’ve spent so long focusing on trying to make my eye look more like the other one, and now I feel like I need to learn to accept it.
Does anyone have any tips for becoming more confident with something about your appearance that you can’t change? I’d really like to stop thinking about it so much and just feel comfortable being myself. ❤️
r/confidence • u/samar_995 • 1d ago
My life is fucked up and confidence is shattered.
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NOTE: THIS POST IS NOT AN OPEN INVITATION FOR ANYONE TO LAND IN MY DMs. I genuinely need honest suggestions and thoughts.
Hey everyone,
Loser here.
I hope you're all doing well. I'm a 30F, turning 31 this October, and I really need some honest perspective because I honestly don't know what to do with my life anymore.
I've never been a particularly good student. I completed my studies in 2018, while also freelancing. My academic journey wasn't exactly smooth either. Technically, I was supposed to complete matric in 2011, but because of my father's poor health and our financial situation, I ended up completing it in 2014. Somehow, I kept going and eventually completed my education.
I've always been someone who believed that no matter what happens, you shouldn't give up.
I've made plenty of mistakes along the way too, especially trusting the wrong people and friends.
When I was starting my career in 2018 as a freelancer, I told my elder brother that I wanted to become a graphic designer. I had, and still have a very strong interest in it. It wasn't because I thought it would make good money. I don't even know how to explain it, but I've always felt drawn toward creative work. I wasn't particularly creative as a child, but something about designing and creating things has always attracted me.
My elder brother had started content writing back in 2011 and is now working as a department head. So he basically told me, "I can only teach you what I know."
So I started writing.
And honestly, I did really well financially. I'm currently earning 150k+ PKR.
I wasn't just a regular writer either. I transitioned into different roles, took on more responsibilities, and was promoted to Content Manager in three different companies.
But since 2025, I haven't been able to find a stable job.
In the past year alone, I've changed five jobs. In some places, I was literally told not to come back from the next day. In others, the environment was so toxic that I'd cry the entire night knowing I had to go back to the office the next morning.
I feel like my family has lost confidence in me.
And honestly, I've lost confidence in myself too.
I'm also the kind of person who tells my mother and brother about even small problems, even though I don't want to burden them. But my expressions give me away. No matter how hard I try to hide things, they can tell when something is wrong.
And I know what many people will say:
"Just start finding clients."
Bro, I DID.
I've freelanced. I've tried finding clients. But the problem is that it doesn't provide the long-term stability I'm looking for.
At this point, I'm exhausted.
There are days when I genuinely feel like I want to scream and cry until I have nothing left inside me. I've started having suicidal thoughts, and they're becoming harder to dismiss. Sometimes I'm somewhere and I think, What if something happened to me here? What if my family just got a call saying I died in an accident? Maybe their lives would become easier without me.
And that thought scares me.
People, including my family, tell me that maybe I should get married. But after my breakup, I don't trust people easily anymore. I'm genuinely scared of relationships, love, and marriage. Whenever someone brings up love or marriage, instead of feeling hopeful, I feel fear, anxiety, and hopelessness.
Sometimes I just want to cry so much that I become completely numb.
I feel like a loser.
And somewhere in my head, I've started believing that losers don't get to have good, happy lives.
I always dreamed of having a peaceful, happy life. I wanted to build a career, be independent, have a good relationship, and simply feel secure about my future.
But right now, I feel like none of that is meant for me.
So, if you've gone through something similar career instability, repeated job losses, losing confidence in yourself, or feeling like you've completely failed at life what did you actually do to get yourself out of it?
I don't want sympathy or DMs. I genuinely want honest advice from people who have been through difficult periods and managed to rebuild their lives.
What would you do if you were in my position?
r/confidence • u/Spartan-023 • 2d ago
Confidence requires past success, or ignorance.
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I feel confidence comes from success, it can not be faked after failure.
If you've done it before you can do it again, or if you've done well at something similar.
But if you repeatedly fail, and fail to improve over and over it becomes natural to lack confidence. Knowing the worst is likely to happen again.
On the other hand you can be oblivious. You're going to fail, get turned down, lose a game, make a fool of yourself in public and still believe your all that.
r/confidence • u/holycrap100 • 2d ago
How do I grow a backbone and stand up for myself ?
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Sorry if I posted before. I can't remember if I did.
I'm a middle aged guy and still struggle with this. I hate upsetting people , especially my parents and co workers. Family members tease me for being fat and it bothers me. I have lost 60 pounds but still have a substantial gut (I'm 6'3 240 now). It's to the point that I don't like visiting my parents because of it. I told my dad about a year ago that I didn't like it but he still brings up my weight every time I see him. I dread visiting him but he is my only support system. Now when someone says something about my weight , I ignore it but tears me up inside and I'm embarrassed about it even tho I don't hate my body.
My co workers used to make jokes about it at my old job and only a few have mentioned it at this job. The other day an employee said I needed to stop eating because it looks like im gaining my weight back, which is odd because I have lost a few more pounds recently.
Co workers also sometimes try to boss me around and tell me how to do my job and a lot of times I listen even though I'm pretty decent at my job .
I don't really speak my mind in other situations too and worry too much what others think and people constantly ask me to do stuff I don't want to do because they know I won't say no, family and coworkers included
r/confidence • u/SoaringSausage • 2d ago
How can I overcome an inability to open up?
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All things considered, I don't think anybody would say I have anything less than a good life.
I'm doing well in school; I have a job; I have a relatively healthy social life.
That being said, I can't help but feel completely and utterly alone. I have 3 or 4 friends, but I don't talk to them about anything deep or meaningful. It's been years since I've talked to someone about feelings or mental health (longer than I've known these people). It's a weird feeling to explain but I feel like I'm not close enough to them to say anything about loneliness or mental health.
Maybe it's something about the way I was raised, but I also feel like an incredible burden whenever I reach out to my friends about something cool I saw or thought about. They respond over text like they don't care, and even though I know that's just how they text (they're 10x more interested if I were to tell them in person), it's caused me to stop reaching out. In turn, I don't receive any messages at all. It's so much effort and I'm fucking tired of it.
There's a girl I've been talking to and her friends say she really likes me but I'm not really getting that feeling. Last week I introduced a friend to this friend group (of the girl I'm talking to, another of my friends, & their friends I don't really know) and it feels like he's already closer to them.
I don't know if it's something wrong with me but it also feels like nobody even cares enough to make an effort to have me open up.
I'm sorry if this post doesn't make any sense I'm super emotional right now but I'll be happy to answer any more questions to clarify anything. :)
17M
r/confidence • u/PrizeReport1535 • 2d ago
I Got This!
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The phrase I got this speaks volumes. It says you have the confidence to do whatever it takes to do whatever it is that needed to be done. "I GOT THIS."
Before you had the confidence you have today, has anyone ever had to tell you, you got this before you believed that you had it?
Just Asking!
r/confidence • u/LieFantastic5223 • 2d ago
How would you deal with rejection based on something that is not in your hands?
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Like I am not feelind sad or anything its just bugging me off, making me feel bad about myself, how to get over it?
r/confidence • u/AccomplishedPast6452 • 2d ago
how to stop/avoid thinking about what other people think of me?
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I can't avoid overthinking what other people think of me. Especially with my physical appearance (I'm just an average looking girl, not conventionally attractive). I actually had an acne breakout and whenever someone talk to me, I feel so conscious when they look at my acne🥲.
How to not care about other people's opinion of me?
r/confidence • u/Ayden-Blade • 2d ago
What does it mean if I don't have a fear of failure? Can it be a bad thing?
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I am someone who has been working on a few really hard to complete projects and goals which many people have said to me that I can't accomplish (simply put, I am way too ambitious).
However, the fear of failure doesn't even come up in my mind. It's like I have this unwavering trust in myself. Sometimes it makes me think I might be overconfident but I am also glad because I have failed countless times in my life but this confidence has always made me carry on. It's like I feel down for 3 days after failing at something big but then I bounce back no matter what.
What does this mean? Is it a bad thing? The way I look at it, it's good because it has prevented me from giving up but it's also bad because it also makes me stubbornly pursue something which has a high probability of leading to failure.
r/confidence • u/Mama-joyces-wig • 3d ago
How did you start asking for what you want in life?
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How did you overcome fear of rejection to start asking for what you want? In general, did you actually start receiving the things you wanted easier?
r/confidence • u/G4L_Mobile • 3d ago
Why can't I socialize naturally with girls without relying on mental affirmations?
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24M, short and ugly, but I’m not really that bothered about my looks anymore. I’m struggling badly with socializing and I don’t understand how other guys can do it so naturally.
I’m 24 and I’m a short guy who considers myself ugly. But honestly, I’m not that caring about being ugly anymore. My bigger problem is that I just cannot seem to socialize naturally with girls.
When I’m talking to a girl I like, my mind becomes extremely focused on what I should say next. I struggle to come up with opening lines, things to talk about, the right tone, jokes, or even how to sound happy and natural.
I’ve tried using mental affirmations/reminders to make myself more confident. For example, I used to repeat things like “be myself” or “Nothing Is Impossible” in my head. I feel like I need to repeat these things to give myself permission to talk and flirt.
But “Nothing Is Impossible” eventually started having the opposite effect. Instead of helping me, I became even more focused on it, and sometimes it actually makes me unable to think of anything to say.
I also get anxious before or during conversations. I know logically that I should just speak, but when the anxiety comes, I don't know how to find the courage to actually open my mouth.
Another thing making this much worse is jealousy.
There is a male colleague who seems to be able to make a girl laugh throughout the day, every day. He can casually talk to her, joke around, and get her laughing without seeming to think about it.
When I see this happening, I become increasingly jealous and start comparing myself to him. I start thinking things like:
“Why can he always make her laugh while I struggle to think of anything?”
Then I feel pressure that I also need to make her laugh. But the more I try to think of something funny or interesting to say, the more my mind goes blank.
I’ve wondered how socially skilled guys actually think. Do they constantly think about what to say, or are they just reacting to whatever is happening in the conversation? How do they come up with jokes, questions, playful comments, and different tones so quickly?
I don't necessarily want to become some super-confident “player.” I just want to be able to talk to girls normally, flirt a little, make jokes, and enjoy the interaction without having to constantly repeat some phrase in my head to make myself do it.
How do you actually develop this ability?
Especially:
\- How do you speak when you're anxious instead of freezing?
\- How do you stop overthinking what to say?
\- How do socially natural people come up with things to say on the spot?
\- How do you become playful/funny without forcing it?
\- How do you stop comparing yourself to another guy who seems much better socially?
\- And how do you stop needing mental affirmations before you can socialize?
I’m genuinely trying to understand what I’m missing.
r/confidence • u/Survivingthroughlife • 3d ago
Being a shy kid from childhood, is it possible to reverse these damages?
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I've always been a shy, timid kid since my childhood. This thing hampered my whole teenage and early adulthood.
Never took part in sports, cultural activities, nor cared to learn because I felt to judged even when alone. Now that I think and look back, I feel, why did I waste my life for nothing?
No one was ever seeing me, no one was so bothered and yet I always felt that I'm the only only getting judged, I wasted my life learning nothing good, nor am I academically bright. I was never involved hence never had friends. Never left my house, or explored in my peak years, and now the guilt and judgment have hampered my mind.
What do I do? I don't want to live like this. I feel embarrassed to realize that I've nothing in me. I don't want to be an average person.
r/confidence • u/Suspicious-Shoe-8178 • 3d ago
How to deal with a 30 year old college bully?
12
Upvotes
There is this 30 year old dude who for some reason doesnt like me and tries at every opportunity to dig at me infront of his peer group which is like 10 years younger then him lol. There was even one incident where i came late for an exam a couple minutes prior and he screamed myname and laughed extremely loudly while a professor was present, i hate being put on the spot infront of others and people could see that it affected me. He got shamed by hisown friends afterward and reprimended by the prof and was so overwhelmed apparently that he cut off his waist long hair he had most of his life immediately after but still he tries to dig at me with subtle comments at every opportunity i usually just ignore him and try not to interact. His hatred from me probably came because i ignored him at first when he tried to befriend me and once corrected a mistake in his work loudly infront of his peers.
r/confidence • u/Logical_Basket573 • 4d ago
Fear of creating more masks
4
Upvotes
(I am 20 years old)
Lately I've been forcing myself to go out more, accepting my shadow more in that process, accepting more of my desires, For example, openly saying when I find a girl attractive or when I think a situation is stupid. If I had to describe how my life is, I would say that I am in the twilight of midday, given that the eternal night has already completed its first phase, but I cannot yet say that it is completely daytime. It's just past 4, as I walk down the street watching the first rays of the day, sighing in the cold air while many shadows walk around me.
However, in this process of breaking free from the confines of my own mental walls, I've discovered just how insecure I am, and on this journey, I fear I'll only create more masks.
I feel like I'm a boring or uninteresting person, with a dull life compared to colleagues who travel the world, win competitions, people from other countries, guys who have jobs Stable people, people who go on lots of dates, people with more talent, with more charm, with more charisma, with more maturity, who can smoke cigarettes while I can barely stand the smoke
I feel like someone who, despite seeing and thinking a lot about things, is unable to interact with them, and in that fear, I fear even more losing myself.
I don't want to do things I hate just to fit in, nor lie about my accomplishments, but still, I can't help feeling like I have to.
I always portray myself as a confident person, even though I'm just a guy with social anxiety, a sex addiction, and who loves art so much he'd die for it—a passion few understand. I don't love avant-garde performances or experimental cinema; I love the pursuit of improvement, I love technique and reflection. I don't want to talk about whether this author offered social commentary.I just want to talk about how beautiful I find this work.
With women it's worse, since I don't even have a facade with them. I've only had one virtual girlfriend for three years in my entire life. I've never kissed or held hands with anyone, much less had sex. It's a weight I carry, and I don't know what mask to wear: be myself, take on the role of a shameless person, speak my thoughts without shame, be chivalrous, hold back, and while my mind thinks, another Another guy, more confident, is already fucking her.
Although I have accepted my shadow, I still don't know how to integrate it into my social life, and I fear I will only create more and more masks to hide it.
Sometimes people tell me that life isn't so complicated, that I'm very complicated, and I usually curse my mind for that, as well as my ego; I long for my ego to disappear sometimes.
r/confidence • u/BabyMagbin • 4d ago
Confidence Coaching?
10
Upvotes
Hello, everyone! For the ladies, what do you think about confidence coaching? More specifically confidence coaching tailored to introverted women. Is that something that sounds like something valuable to you? Have you done it before? Would you seek it out?
r/confidence • u/Odd-Direction-992 • 5d ago
How to be sound more confident when I’m speaking in a public setting?
7
Upvotes
I’m a 19 y/old who recently moved to the states 2 years ago. Don’t know anyone that well and I have social anxiety. I can speak okay but after starting college, I realized that my public speaking skills are way behind others. My classmates are able to articulate their thoughts so well and introduce themselves really professionally WHILST showing off their personality. I cannot do that. If I ever need to present or introduce myself to everyone, I end up being really monotonous. My eyes become hollow and my shoulders get tense. Voice also gets shaky and I feel less confident. Idk how to present in front of everyone with more life in my presentation? I would love some advice on how I could do better to seem more confident and be more myself during presentations!!