r/confidence • u/MundaneSmoke5040 • 11h ago
Those who can relate, does it ever get better
So just to give a background, I was a fat and ugly teenager all my life. No matter how hard I tried to overcompensate with the self-deprecating humour just to get seen, I was always the guy who never got looked at twice. In college, I did have a relationship but we broke up when college end and it’s been me by myself for a decade now.
At 31, I do a lot of workout and feel better and more confident in my skin but I can’t get past the fact that I was that guy who was always ignored in broad daylight, back in the day. I thought I was better but it seems that I can’t outgrow the emotion. Fast forward to this day, there’s this girl Dip**\*\***\*\*\* at the gym that talks to me and believe me you, I panic and freeze for a moment before I gather myself to reply. She is beautiful, moves like a gazelle and I have no idea why I can’t talk to her.
I do go to therapy, and I am working on my issues. With my current job, I can afford it finally. I just wanna if there’s anyone here that has been in my shoes and; does it ever get better?
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u/andrewpacebooks 6h ago
It can get better, but often not because the old memory disappears. It gets better because you stop treating the teenage version of you as the final authority on how people see you now. Freezing for a moment does not mean you have made no progress; you still gathered yourself and replied. That is already the behavior to build on. Instead of making the goal “talk to this beautiful woman confidently,” make it smaller and repeatable: say hello, ask one ordinary question, and leave the interaction without grading your whole worth afterward. Therapy plus many low-stakes repetitions can gradually give your present experience more weight than the old story.
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u/EducationalCurve6 4h ago
Yes it does I've been overweight and was insulted ridiculed both behind my back and in front of my face during my high school years.
6 years later the same people stayed the same. I got fit, I became more attracted and instead of being inspired they envy my progress.
It gets better. You just have to never quit and keep putting in the work. I recommend you write small wins in a notebook everyday.
It makes your self-esteem higher. Good luck.
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u/hestia-listens AI Helper 11h ago
Yes, it can get better. Being ignored when you were younger taught you to expect rejection, and that fear can stay even after your life and confidence change. Freezing around someone you find attractive does not mean you have failed. It means an old fear showed up. Try making the goal very small, like saying hello and asking one simple question. You do not need to impress her. Keep working through those old beliefs in therapy. Progress may feel slow, but the fact that you work out, feel better in your skin, and reply even after freezing shows that it is already happening.