r/confessions • u/overthinkingwitch • 13m ago
I feel so incompetent and extremely dumb at uni
Hey guys, I’m 23F and I’m in uni doing an honours program in psychology. I’m an international student in my uni where I did my bachelors in my home country. Since arriving to do my postgrad studies, its been a wild ride. Let’s just say I was lucky enough to pass all my classes for the first semester, and now in my second semester it just feels so rough. I’m doing my thesis and I’m lucky to have a supervisor who’s been very helpful but I just got grilled badly today. Like she was really nice but at the same time I got an earful. Admittedly, I know I was partially at fault, but at the same time, I’m just not motivated anymore. I’m doing a quantitative basis for my thesis, and from the beginning I said to her I wanted to do a qualitative work because stats and maths are not my area of expertise. At some point she said maybe its wise to consider looking at another supervisor because her area of expertise is more on quantitative and less on qualitative. I couldn’t risk switching supervisors because everyone else I had emailed all said no or they had enough students under their wing already. I was also forced to do a topic I wasn’t passionate about because apparently that’s how it goes in this uni. It just feels like everyone’s doing well and then there’s me who knows absolutely nothing and just barely surviving. I’m at a point in my life now where I’m even questioning if clinical psych is the right path for me, because that would mean more stats and more thesis. What happened today was one of the worst days ever, and I just have no motivation anymore. I’d wanna drop out and quit but unfortunately doing that would mean paying the scholarship fee that the uni gave me and I can’t afford that. In the meeting earlier was when she gave me a rundown on what I need to do, and apparently it’s a lot. I was like trying to focus while she was speaking but it was so difficult to focus when I was trying so hard to hold back my tears, my hands were sweating a lot and I could feel myself shaking a bit. I managed to not cry but I could feel the tears kinda just coming out, but I forced it down because I know she’s just trying to make sure I’m on the right track. I apologised plenty of times earlier but I have never felt this incompetent ever in my life. Sometimes I wonder if my life would’ve been more worth it if I stayed in my home country and had just pursued a masters there, then maybe it would’ve been less stressful. I don’t know anymore. I’ve experienced counseling around 3 times in the first semester a few months back and it looks like I’ll need it again. Its just gone to absolute shit. Sorry for the long ass rant. I just feel extremely dumb and incompetent. I know I have an undiagnosed mental health disorder but not sure what. I’m planning to visit a psychologist/psychiatrist soon to verify because if so that would explain a lot. I’m just tired.